I was back. I don't know how but I was back in that forsaken basement. He was there, too, just standing in the shadows. In front of him was…
"You failed!" A broken lucario hissed as it rounded the corner. It didn't take long to realize that I was staring at Lucas. His body was twisted and disfigured. His eyes took a deep shade of red.
"I- I didn't… No!" That was all I could croak. Lucas kept shuffling toward me. I tried to move, but I couldn't. I was paralyzed.
"Admit your failure!" He croaked. Lucas limped his way right up to me. His smell was so repugnant that I couldn't help but gag. He got right in my face before fading into nothing. The world around me began to fade into darkness until it was just a void.
There is but one way to resolve oneself of guilt and fear.
Out of the shadows came the Knight, who was running at me full speed. I barely ducked out of the way of his punch.
"You will never be a hero," His voice echoed in the darkness.
I turned to find him, but he was gone. I searched wildly, fearing another attack, but like Lucas, there was no trace of him. That didn't help to soothe my nerves. I already knew there was something else to this nightmare.
We can sense your uncertainty. You fear you cannot be the hero everyone needs you to be, yet you barely know what it means to be a hero. He was once a hero like yourself, but now, he spits in the face of everything he once stood for.
"What is this?" I demanded to the void, spinning around, desperately trying to find something in the darkness.
There is no need to be afraid. We are here to guide. Yes, he was once a hero, but the tragedy of loss broke him. You have suffered such a loss already, and the taint of the fear and guilt it left in its wake still plagues you, as the loss of Lucas does now.
It was two distinct voices. One was deep and raspy, and the other was lighter and more elegant. Their contrast was almost like night and day. Practically as if I was speaking to life and death itself.
There is but one way to resolve oneself of such an ailment.
Face it.
Face it.
In a flash of bright light, I was brought to… no… anywhere but here. I was sitting on a couch with a table in front of me. My cheap TV was hung on the wall, and behind it was the cheap and peeling wallpaper I was all too familiar with. The TV was playing some stupid sitcom that I used to watch with… the shower was running. I'm not alone… Abruptly, the shower stopped. It could only be one person, but that was impossible. She's dead! This is just some shitty illusion! I have to get out of here!
I sprung from the coach and ran over to the door. I tried to open it, but the door was jammed. I tried pounding on the door, hoping that maybe someone on the outside could come to help me, but deep down, I knew it was futile. I was stuck here, and I would have to face her. Face what I ruined.
"Hey, Nate," she said from behind me. It was that same shy and soft voice that I missed so much, but was it really? After all, this could all be some illusion. Some trick of the light just to nudge me in the right direction, but did that really matter? All I ever wanted since that day was to have another conversation with her.
I turned to face her; it was like she hadn't changed. Every detail was perfect. The raven black hair that fell around her shoulders and down to her chest. Those brown eyes that I had always been so full of life with the thin eyebrows that accompanied them. There was a single piercing in her left one.
Heh, I remember when she got it. She was so excited. She also had a nose piercing that I thought complimented her button nose, although she disagreed. After wearing it, she said it looked ugly. God, everything about her was so perfect.
"Eden?" I asked, my hands trembling. I quickly stuffed them in my pockets to hide them, but she noticed. She always saw stuff like that, and even if I wanted to avoid it, she would always get anything out of me. I wouldn't be half as functional as I am now without her.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she spoke with a soft smile as she took a seat on the couch, but this didn't feel right. She was gone, and regardless of how much I wished this was real, it wouldn't ever be. Anger began to course through me.
"Really? That's all you have to say? Do you have any fucking idea what's been happening to me and what I've been through?!" I shouted as I painfully relived every moment since the day she left. She didn't seem fazed at all. Instead, she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.
"I knew this wasn't going to work," she muttered as she went and sat down on the couch.
"Motherfucker," I laughed, running my fingers through my hair. "I was right! So which one is it? Arceus? Giratina?"
"No, Nathan! It is me! It is actually me!" She shouted, waving her arms at me. "You know, Eden! This isn't some trick, and if I'm being frank, I've seen enough of your moping!"
"What?" I said in utter disbelief, the anger having flushed itself from my system.
"You heard me! You've been given a golden opportunity, and you're crying about it!" She stood up and got into my face. "News flash! I'm dead! There's nothing you can do to bring me back, aside from this, and even at that, this is just for a night!"
"Wait… is it… really you?"
"Yes, Nathan! It really is me!" she huffed.
I paused for a moment, just to take it in. Maybe this was just another trick of the light, which is fair cause you can never tell with the divine, but perhaps this was actually real. The sense of urgency in her voice and the almost identical way of speaking… I threw my arms around her, buried my face in the crux of her neck, and began to sob uncontrollably.
She stumbled back but caught herself. She returned the hug and brought us to the couch, where she had me sit next to her. I leaned on her shoulder and continued to cry. I don't know how long I was just sitting there weeping, but it felt great.
"Sorry…" Eden began, but I cut her off.
"I believe I shouted at you first."
"No, not just that, but for everything. What I did to you was unfair, and I only thought of myself at that moment," she started to cry.
This moment always scared me. She rarely cried, and it was almost always serious when she did. I lived a long life trying to bury everything I felt, which only failed when I began talking to her. Eden, on the other hand, was the opposite. However open she had been before, she purposefully steeled herself just to try and help me. I always wanted to try and pry underneath the fortress she had set up, but I never did. I was too focused on everything I had bottled up, and I can't help but think it contributed to what happened.
"No, Eden. I was the one being unfair. I saw you were burying some things yourself, but I never asked. I kept telling myself that I was one more conversation from being fixed, and then I could help you. Still, it never came," I pulled away from her shoulder and looked her in the eyes," I just kept talking and talking, and I never gave you the chance to talk back."
"Nathan… It was something that I would've done regardless. You lived a pretty shitty life, and I didn't want to add to it," she smiled, reaching out and cupping the side of my face, which I just melted into.
"You never could add to it," I tried returning her gesture by wiping away some of her tears and offering a smile of my own.
"There is something that I never told you," she began, taking a deep breath. "I hid from you and tried to pull away because I was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. It was something my family missed, and the damage had been done by the time we caught it. I wouldn't have lived past thirty-five,"
I sat back and listened in shock, just trying to process things. A disease? But that wasn't what killed her. I don't understand. According to her estimate, she had plenty of more life to live. Even if she knew it was limited, I still wanted to be with her until the very bitter end.
"I wanted to get you to fall out of love just to protect you, but you were stubborn. Even through everything that I tried doing, you stood by my side. I couldn't have asked for a better partner, but the more you stood by me, the more guilty I got. I love you, Nathan, and the thought of having to put you through losing me to a disease killed me. I thought it would lighten the blow if I went out on my own terms."
"Eden… Even if I knew our time was limited, I still wanted to spend it with you. I mean, we could've figured something out. Maybe a treatment would have become available," I stammered, slightly trembling. She noticed and grabbed onto my hands and squeezed.
"I know, but I couldn't do that to you. Not after everything, and I mean, you were improving. I know this is like using a small cup to put out a wildfire, but you made my life better. Even through those moments, you could always find a way to make me feel safe. So for one last night, I want to be the shoulder you can cry on again, but for now, just take your time."
I pulled her close, and we just enjoyed each other's company. After everything that had happened the last few months, I had little tears to spare, but she had a lifetime's worth that she let out on my shoulder. I loved every moment. To finally be back, even though this was limited to a few hours, I was determined to make the most of this moment.
After God knows how long, I broke our hug and sighed, "I don't know, Eden. Everything was so much more simple. A handful of people and a freaking deity expect me to be some sort of hero! I just don't know what to do."
"I can see why that would be overwhelming," she half-chuckled. "The best I can say is that be yourself. It sounds cliche, and you know that I hate cliche, but you are a wonderful person. I don't think anyone could've been half as successful as you have been with making me smile. Just don't try to shoulder the burden of the world."
I laughed, "Yeah, it's a little too late for that."
"What happened?"
"Well, it started after I killed someone. It was in self-defense, but anyway, it put me in shock. The problem is, someone else was there with me, but they weren't faring much better. I'm pretty sure it was a panic attack, but I had to go when someone called in for help. It didn't matter anyway. He died, and it was my fault. If I had just acted faster-"
She shook her head, "Nate, you did everything you could do. It speaks to the fact that you were able to shake off any shock you felt to go and try to save him, and regardless of whether or not you were able to save him, that already says a lot."
"Yeah, but I could've saved him if I had just moved faster."
"Remember what I always used to tell you?"
"Sometimes shit happens."
"And?" she waved her arm in the air.
"You can't change what happens, but you can always control how you react." I finished, which caused her to smile.
"That's right. He died. Maybe it was your fault, maybe it wasn't, but how you respond to it defines how you carry on in their memory."
"Yeah, I haven't been the best at doing that," I admitted, looking away from her.
She pulled my gaze back with her hand, "That's why I am giving you that chance again, so when you wake up, don't go back to being mopey and all sad on my behalf. Find someone new, and for the love of all things holy, please just be yourself. I'd guarantee that's why you were chosen in the first place."
"I don't know, I just don't feel like I-"
A rumbling cut me off as the apartment began to slowly fade away. I looked at Eden, and to my horror, she was fading away with it. I felt a wrenching panic as she started to get more translucent, but she just smiled at me like it was the most normal thing in the world.
"Well, it looks like it's almost time for you to wake up," she held that smile as she continued to fade away. I reached out to her, and my hand went straight through hers.
"I want more time…."
"But that's not what you need. Be strong, Nate. I love you."
She faded from my view along with the rest of the apartment, leaving me in an empty void. The longing came back in waves, but I felt calm. With her, she took a massive weight off my shoulders, and while I was far from being one-hundred percent, it was a start.
Loss has an interesting way of lulling the mind, but even in loss, there is a new sense of life. A rebirth, if you will. Today, Guardian, you are reborn and given new life. One that we know you shall use dutifully, not to be the one the world wants you to be, but the one you want to be.
Your path will be full of more pain, loss, and suffering. Those around you will crack under the pressure that awaits, but you will stand tall. The sands of time have tempered you, just like the flame tempers a blade.
You are born anew! In life!
And in death.
Awake!
Awake!
My eyes snapped open, and I sat upright in bed. My chest heaved in and out as I sucked in breaths as if I hadn't been breathing for the past few hours. Tommy and Richard were standing around me, both wide-eyed.
"What?" I asked, still catching my breath.
"By Arceus, kid, we were about to call for a doctor," Richard chuckled.
"Yeah, you were muttering something in your sleep, so we figured you were having a nightmare. We tried waking you up, but you just wouldn't wake. We've been trying for the past five minutes, and then you snap up and scare the shit out of both of us!'
I fell back on the bed, letting out a long-awaited deep breath, "So, you guys do care." Richard broke out into hearty laughter while Tommy rolled his eyes.
"I may stop caring if you pull something like that again," Tommy said, slightly annoyed. "Now that you are up, Basilisk has called a meeting. She told us to wear casual clothing, so just get dressed and meet us in the briefing room."
I nodded and then rolled out of bed. I headed to the locker room, where I got dressed in a simple t-shirt and sweatpants. I am going to be the very definition of casual. After getting dressed, I walked into the briefing room, where everyone was already sitting and waiting for me. I was expecting some sort of quip from Violet but was greeted by silence. As I took my seat, I glanced over at Tommy, who gave me a quick nod before Basilisk began to speak.
"As we all know, we've had a rough last few weeks. Command and Mystic have decided to grant us an extra week of break, effective immediately. This will not take away from the month we will get in a few weeks…."
Her voice became background noise as I focused my attention on Violet. She wasn't paying attention to Basilisk or me. Instead, the table held her focus. I have spent just about a month here. Still, I must admit my ability to read the emotion on any pokémon's face is somewhat lacking. As far as I could tell, though, she was deep in thought and partially concerned.
I tried to subtly catch her attention by tapping my fingers on the table. Then, I tried to wave my hand. As I brainstormed a way to reach her, she suddenly broke contact with the table and looked at me.
Her violet eyes burrowed deep into my soul as I couldn't help but stare back. Her face contorted into one of intense concentration before softening. After a few more seconds, she flashed me her signature grin. I was slightly relieved but still couldn't help but be bothered by how she was when I walked in. I'll have to press her on that later cause I am sure as hell not letting this slide after what happened with Eden.
"Enjoy your week, guys. All of you have earned it. Dismissed!" Basilisk barked. Everyone stood and then began to talk amongst each other.
"I thought we could head to Salazzle's Den for drinks and stuff. Anyone interested?" Tommy asked.
"I'm getting too old for this," Richard muttered, "But I'm in!"
"I'll go too," Hailfire said with her arms crossed.
"Sounds like fun," Ghost agreed.
"Charlotte?"
"No, I've got to get Aurora home for the week so she can mourn with her family," she explained before shooting a smile at Aurora, who tried to put on her own convincing smile. It failed.
"Violet? Nathan?"
"I told Aurora I'd go with her," I responded, standing from my chair.
"And I told Nathan I'd go with him!" she very quickly said, surprising everyone in the room, including me. Charlotte and Aurora both looked at me, expecting some sort of confirmation.
I sighed, "If that's alright with the both of you?"
Charlotte shrugged, "I'm fine with driving you. Besides, the festival is more fun that way, but it's up to Aurora." Aurora stood in silence for a moment before nodding. Violet immediately ran around the table and wrapped me in a hug. One that I awkwardly returned.
"We'll be in the garage waiting. Don't take too long, though," Charlotte chuckled before leaving along with Aurora.
"Basilisk? Do you want to go with us?" Tommy asked, moving past what just happened.
"Maybe later. I've got some paperwork to do."
"Ah, living the illustrious life on break, I see," Tommy laughed, earning himself a dirty look from Basilisk. Everyone filed out afterward, leaving Violet and me alone in the room.
I turned towards her, "A little head's up would've been nice."
"I could say the same to you because I didn't find out until literally three seconds ago!" she huffed.
"Shit. I meant to tell you, but things got a little busy yesterday."
"Oh yeah! Your nice little chat with Aurora. You know how rude it is to walk away from someone just because of a promise?"
"The promise I made with Lucas is none of your business, first of all," a smile slowly crept across my face. "Second of all, you sound really jealous."
She raised her eyebrow, "And if I was?"
"I'd say it's probably not the smartest idea to get so attached to someone you met a month ago. I'd also tell you that I only promised Lucas I'd be her brother in his stead."
"Wait? That's it?" she muttered in astonishment.
"Yeah? I mean, what did you expect?" I laughed, "It's not like I promised him I'd marry Aurora."
"Yeah, I guess that does seem pretty far-fetched," she awkwardly laughed with me.
"Alright. We've spent enough time here, so we better get going." I said. Violet nodded in agreement.
We made our way to the garage, where Charlotte was waiting with Aurora by a sedan. Charlotte nodded and hopped into the driver's seat, with Aurora in the passenger seat. Violet and I got in the back.
"You guys ready?" Charlotte asked. We all nodded, and the sedan was off. It made its way out of the garage and out into the city. Like I did every time I left the building, I marveled at the scenery, but it never dawned on me that Eden would probably appreciate this more than I do.
I hope that wherever she is, she is at least happy.
It was still early in the morning, so the roads were empty. It was a quick ride through the city. Eventually, the skyscrapers started getting smaller until we reached the highway. By this point, cars began to flood into the city from the surrounding communities.
"So, where exactly are we going?" Violet spoke up.
"Nathan didn't tell you?" Charlotte asked, keeping her focus on the road.
"I mean, I didn't exactly get the most details as to where our destination was."
"I know. I was just yanking your chain," Charlotte laughed. "We are going to a town called Goldenleaf. It's the closest town to Aurora's home. Coincidently, there's this huge festival going on right now celebrating some wizard dude or something."
Aurora, who had been looking out the window, snaps her view to Charlotte with what can only be described as a look of irritation, "That 'wizard dude' is being used as a tourist attraction by some money-hungry idiots!" Her outburst surprised Violet and me, who looked at each other with wide eyes.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to offend, but that's all I've heard about the festival," Charlotte apologized, seemingly unfazed by Aurora snapping at her.
Now that I think of it, this was the first time I had ever seen Aurora get angry at someone. If there was any time to do that, I suppose it would be now. I wasn't exactly the friendliest person to be around after Eden.
"It's fine," Aurora angrily murmured before turning her attention back to the window.
After that interaction, Charlotte turned the radio to play some old-sounding rock song. I didn't pay too much attention to it and instead rested my head on the back of my seat and closed my eyes. Sleep has been a problem for me, so just getting the chance to close my eyes and drift off was a God send.
I must've drifted off, as the scenery had changed entirely when I opened my eyes. We were out in the country, driving by open fields and farms. A more pressing thing, though, was that Violet had also fallen asleep and was resting her head on my shoulder. I thought about it some more and dismissed it as simply the way her head rolled over while sleeping.
"How long have we been driving for?" I asked, slightly groggy.
"Hmm… about two hours," Charlotte responded.
"How far away is this place?"
"About two more hours."
"Awesome," I sighed.
A few minutes after I woke up, Violet woke up as well. She shook off any vestige of sleep, and she stretched. She then lazily looked over at me and smiled.
"Thanks for being such a comfy pillow."
"So that was on purpose?" I asked.
"I mean, it was that or strain my neck," She explained in a matter-of-fact-like tone.
"I suppose that's fair."
We all stayed awake for the next few hours, watching the rolling hills go by. Sometimes, I even saw a wild pokémon, which struck me as odd, considering pokémon seemed far more ingrained in society than they were in any of the media back home. I'll have to ask about that later.
Even before we arrived at Goldenleaf, we could hear the faint noises of a festival slowly approaching. When we actually got there, we discovered a town that already looked to be old. The building reminded me of some of the UK villages' pictures. It didn't help that people were walking around in era-appropriate attire.
"Did we fall into a time vortex?" Violet asked, staring at a group of people dressed as knights as we went by them.
"No… this is just the dress these people think they wore back then," Aurora muttered through gritted teeth.
After some more driving, Charlotte found us a parking spot. It was getting close to night, so we all set out to find someplace to sleep that wasn't full. We eventually found an inn at the edge of town with two rooms available. The only problem was that it was two rooms with a single queen-sized bed.
"Alright, I know that sounds bad, but we are all friends here, right? Besides, I don't get paid nearly enough to try and bribe that old man," Charlotte chuckled.
"That's fine. I just want to get home," Aurora responded.
"So, who's rooming with who?" I asked.
"I'll room with you!" Violet excitedly shrieked.
Charlotte collapsed her hands together, "Great! With that out of the way, snacks?" We all agreed. "Awesome. How about Aurora and Violet head to their rooms, and Nathan and I will grab some snacks."
Charlotte waited until they were out of sight before sighing, "That was exhausting."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Acting so happy. I mean, it wasn't acting, but being around you makes me guilty."
"Why?"
"Because of what happened at that abandoned warehouse and Lucas. I should've gone in there, but I froze up. You went in, and… well, you know the rest. The point is that guilt has been eating away at me."
"Sometimes shit happens, and yeah, it sucks. But what happened has already happened. We can't change that. We can both be as guilty as we want, but it isn't going to change the past, so don't let the guilt eat away at you," I said, remembering the words of Eden.
"Huh, I took you for many things, but none of them were wise."
"Thanks, I guess?"
"But in all seriousness, it's good to hear that from you. Now let's go get those snacks."
I felt like that wouldn't be the end of it, but I was just happy to get something to eat. We found a vending machine around the lobby area. We got an assortment of snacks and drinks, ranging from candy chips and a variety of water and soda. Neither Charlotte nor I knew what our respective roommates liked to eat, so we hoped that what we had would be good enough.
Charlotte and I parted ways in the hallway leading to our rooms. We were situated on opposite ends of the hallways. I knocked on door 231, which I was told was my room, or at least I remember being told it was. The doorknob turned, and the door swung open, with Violet standing in the now open doorway. I let out a sigh of relief as I hadn't gotten the room number wrong.
"You know the door was unlocked, right?" Violet laughed.
"I didn't know if this was the right room," I said, trying to defend myself. "Now, could you help me with the food?"
She laughed again and then helped me carry the handful of snacks and drinks into the room. The room itself wasn't anything too special. The floor was carpeted and was the color of an ugly green. The walls had this generic wallpaper that looked alright. A single box TV was sitting on a dresser in front of the queen-sized bed.
"So, this is our room, huh?" I mused, looking around.
"Not like the royal bed chambers you're used to?" Violet joked, taking a seat on the bed and opening a bag of chips. "Uhhh, do you know how the TV works?"
"It works like any other TV? Is this not the kind of TV you're used to in your royal bed chambers?"
Violet rolled her eyes, grabbed the remote, and turned on the TV. It was playing some news channel that was droning on about the weather. I reached for the remote to change the channel, but Violet yanked it away and gestured for me to pay attention.
"I didn't expect a zoroark to be that invested in the news," I grumbled, looking at the TV.
"It's nice background noise," she explained, tossing the remote on the floor next to the bed.
"For?"
"I just want to chat for a bit. I'm not really feeling that tired after the nap we both had on the ride here. Speaking of, how do you feel?"
"I'm doing fine. I'm just a little curious and confused as to why you are suddenly very clingy," I responded, grabbing a soda and opening it.
"Starting with the hard questions," she paused for a moment." Would you take the fact that you are like my only true friend?"
"Normally, yes, but you were not as clingy before. I doubt yesterday had as much of an effect on you as you might claim," I fixed my gaze on her, waiting for her response.
"Why do you care so much about that," she replied, a grin plastered across her face.
"Because you are acting like we are in a committed relationship. I don't think I've ever had a friend who willingly wanted to sleep in the same bed as me!"
She began to play with her mane, "Yeah, I suppose weird, but you didn't seem to mind."
I thought about it for a moment, and you know what, she was right. I didn't mind. I could've protested at any point today, but I went along with it, especially with the rooming situation. I could've said no, but every other option just makes me uncomfortable, but oddly, Violet doesn't.
"I… suppose you're right, but I don't know why…."
Violet seemed to perk up, "So you've been feeling the same thing!"
"What exactly are you feeling?" I asked.
Then, she suddenly became squeamish.
"I've… felt connected to you if that makes sense. Being around you just feels right, and when I'm not, I feel wrong."
"I kind of understand that. You are the only person who made me feel like… me since… Eden," if there was any time for her to know, I guess it would be now.
"Eden?" she asked with a tilt of her head.
"Remember what I said about being at the bottom of the pecking list back home? That wasn't always the case. That lasted most of my life, but that changed when I met Eden. I stopped caring about what other people thought," I began, shivering slightly as I remembered the events of my dream.
"Was she close?"
"Close?" I chuckled, "She was my whole world. I would have married her if life hadn't gotten in the way."
"What happened to her?" Violet asked, leaning slightly closer to me like a child does when their parent tells a story.
"She died. She was diagnosed with a disease and decided it would be easier to go out on her own terms," I took a deep breath, in and out, before I continued. "It was hell on Earth. I tried to keep going, but I cracked and crumbled. I tried following in her footsteps, but I was brought here for whatever reason."
"Oh… I'm sorry," Violet said, looking down at the bed. "I didn't mean to bring up any bad memories."
"It's just water under the bridge."
Reminiscing still hurts, but talking about her to someone else. Someone completely impartial to everything. Talking about this with Violet made me feel even better. I still can't place why, but she has the same effect Eden had on me. In a way, I guess this was just another way of burying Eden to rest.
"Point is, without Eden, I've spent all my time just burying things and pretending they don't exist. That was until I began to talk to you. Something compels me to speak and be myself, so thanks, I guess."
Violet smiled. It wasn't her usual zoroark grin of mischievous but a genuine and wholesome one. It made my heart flutter and my cheeks warm.
"You make me feel the same way, Nate. I can't explain why either. I mean, you are the entire reason I am here," she looked away and began intertwining her claws. "I was with someone before you. Actually, I was technically with them the first day I met you. I'll spare you the details, but you've already made me feel better than they did during our three-year relationship."
A wave of happiness rushed into me, and I just wanted to lean over and into her. Part of me wanted to resist and desperately tried to signal that something wasn't right. Still, whatever the cause was, it was overpowering and intoxicating. Maybe it was something divine, but I don't care. This makes me happy, and I deserve that after everything.
Sitting on the rickety bed, Violet and I stared into each other's eyes. It was nice, and honestly, it was the best way to end the day from heartbreak to something new. This was the best thing that I could possibly have asked for.
Eventually, though, Violet and I grew tired and had to retire for the night, and for the first time in a while, someone slept in my arms. Someone that made me happy. Someone that cared. I loved it, and I had a feeling I was going to love it. Just like that, I began to drift off, eagerly anticipating what was coming tomorrow.
In death.
Life begins anew.