AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter is rated M.
Chapter 25
THE PERFECT DRUG
U need 2 register your pussy as a lethal weapon
Addison giggled and as she read Zed's text. The last few weeks had been perfect. Stolen moments between and after sets, private "rehearsals" before shows, and hushed rendezvous' in one another's bunks at night. As long as neither of them mentioned the past, they were happy to blissfully ignore their problems. She looked across the bus catching his eye and smiling before quickly typing out a response.
Why?
My balls need a fucking sling this morning.
That bad?
That good! I needed that last night...
She bit back a moan as memories of him feasting on her body the night before for Thanksgiving flashed through her mind. Bucky walked to the front of the bus, followed by Lacey and Stacey. "Gather 'round children. I have an announcement."
Addison slipped her phone back into her bra.
"Aww..." Tracey whispered next to her. "That was just getting good!"
She rolled her eyes and elbowed him, before leaning against his shoulder and cuddling up with him as Bucky continued.
"It seems like Christmas is coming a little early for you misfits this year..."
"What are you rambling on about?" Lacey said as she let out a bored yawn and sat down on the counter.
"How would you all feel if I told you that I've negotiated a tour extension..."
"Seriously?" Bonzo asked from his spot next to Zed.
"Seriously… an additional six months...but that's not the best part..." Bucky teased.
"What can be better than that?!" Tracey exclaimed.
"No more college towns and bars… I'm talking the small theater circuit, House of Blues, Fillmore, you name it!"
"No. Fucking. WAY!" Lacey shrieked with excitement launching herself off of the counter and tackling Bucky to the ground with a hug, as the rest of the room erupted in celebration.
"Um… guys..."
They all stopped and turned towards Stacey who was looking down at her feet, obviously trying to hold back tears.
"Stace? What's wrong?" Tracey asked as he let go of Addison and stood up.
"I… I was going to tell you guys when the tour ended… but now… with the tour being extended..." she wiped at her eyes. "I… I… I'm leaving the band."
"WHAT?!"
Zed slowly ran his hand through her hair as she rested against his bare chest. The low snoring of their band-mates asleep in the neighboring bunks and the steady sound of tires on the road filled the dark night.
"You know, I've dreamed of the day when I could watch Lacey cry as her world fell apart around her… but now that it comes with you having to leave the tour too… It's not nearly as enjoyable as I was hoping."
She sighed quietly, placing a kiss on his peck. "We'll figure it out… We have too..."
"Wait..." Zed whispered as he sat up a little and looked at her in the dark. "What about Mason?"
Addison's hand stilled on his chest. "Wha… What about him?"
"He could take over for Stacey! I mean, I'd probably have to keep my distance from him for a while, but..." he shrugged. "It'd be worth it to keep you on the tour. Does he still play?"
She let out a shaky breath. "Um… I don't really know," she whispered.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I haven't talked to him in a few years. I don't know if he's still playing or not."
"You haven't talked… years?… What? I thought you two were inseparable."
Addison took a deep breath, thankful for the cover of night. "Do you remember when I told you I didn't handle Daddy's death well?"
"Yeah."
"Well… I did a few things that I regret…" she buried her face into his chest, mumbling. "Mason was one of those."
"Wait..." Zed whispered sitting them both up in the tiny bunk. "You… and Mason…"
"Yes."
"… Had sex..."
"Yeah. Just once, but still… I couldn't face him after..."
He pursed his lips and nodded. "Sorry… just having a little difficulty comprehending this... I just..." he shook his head. "Mason is gay."
Addison sat up a little more. "Pardon?"
"Mason. Is. Gay." he repeated.
"Since when?"
"Well, I mean… I haven't seen him since he punched me in the mouth and knocked my tooth out, but..."
"HE DID WHAT?" Addison clamped her hand over her mouth, listening intently to make sure no one was awoken by her sudden outburst.
Zed laughed silently. "Yeah, you didn't know?"
"No… It never came up..."
"Yeah..." he flashed her a smile and pointed to one of his two front teeth, "that one's fake… Anyway, back to what I was saying… The last I knew, he was gay."
"I repeat… since when? Mason was one of my best friends from the time we were in diapers until I slept with him… I think I would have known."
"Well… I found out when we all got back from Cabo."
"Seriously?"
"Yup. He hooked up with one of the bartenders while we were down there."
"Really?"
Zed nodded. "Yeah. He was dating someone the summer after we graduated, but they broke up right after his birthday."
"Wait, he had a boyfriend?"
"Adds, you met him. Mason didn't introduce him as his boyfriend, but yeah..."
"I did?"
"Yeah… right before you decided to jump into the pool fully clothed."
She shook her head. "Fucking vodka..."
Zed's chest shook with silent laughter. "Good times."
"Wow..." she was quiet for a moment. "I can't believe he never told me… better yet, I can't believe he told you and not me! I mean… Come on! Out of all our friends, I was always the most open-minded! Hell! I'm the one that made YOU realize you weren't completely straight!"
Zed chuckled again. "Which is why Mase talked to me..." he let out a small sigh and kissed her. "I wonder what he's up to these days?"
Addison smiled against his lips. "He's doing quite well for himself, trust me."
"I thought you said you hadn't spoken to him in years?"
"Just because I haven't spoken to him, doesn't mean I've stopped watching out for him."
Zed stopped running his hand through her hair and pulled back to look at her. Even in the dark, she could see his brow arch up in question.
"He's one of Bamm!'s most sought after producers."
"HE'S WHAT?!" He clamped his hand over his own mouth as Addison silently laughed.
She nodded her head. "Yup… Daddy kind of took him under his wing and showed him the ropes. After..." she sighed and swallowed. "After Daddy died, I signed over his downtown LA studio to Mason..."
"Really?"
She nodded again before adding in an even quieter whisper. "He's also the only producer that I write for… he just doesn't know it's me."
"Wait… so let me get this straight… You set him up with a studio, and with hit songs?"
"Yes."
"And he doesn't know?"
She shook her head. "No..."
"Why?"
"Because I owed him. He helped me so much after..." she swallowed and closed her eyes to keep from saying too much. "He was there for me when I needed it. I mean, I technically control the majority of Bamm!. Anonymously encouraging a promising producer is the least I could do to repay him"
He surprised her by the intensity of his sudden kiss. "You are… so amazing."
She giggled against his lips. "Hardly… Wait!" she pulled back and looked him in the eyes. "That's it!"
"What is?"
"Bamm!" She pulled him to her and kissed him hard. "I think I just figured out how to save the tour!"
Addison shivered as she waited alone on the dark stage. The lights suddenly flashing on, blinding her. "Again?! Damnit Z! Can't you give a girl some warning?"
Zed laughed and jumped onto the stage to join her. "Oh, that never gets old."
"Ass."
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "Yup..." He kissed her again before he pulled back to look at her. "You ready?"
She rolled her eyes. "Not really."
"You say that every time. You've only had one panic attack since we started this. I believe in you," he whispered as he pushed her hair behind her ears. He bent down and gently brushed his lips against hers. "I still can't believe you fixed everything."
She smiled and melted into his embrace. "It's a temporary fix. Just until Bucky and Lacey can find someone permanent."
"Seriously, though, Adds… lining up local studio musicians to fill in was pretty brilliant."
She shrugged. "Hopefully they find someone over Christmas break and we don't even need to use them, but… at least there's a plan in place."
"God, I adore you."
"I…" she let out a breath. "I think we should get some rehearsals in. What are we singing today?"
He kissed her again before turning her around so that she was facing forward.
"Mad World..."
She smiled and leaned back against his chest. "I love that song."
"I know… That's why we're singing it…" He kissed her cheek and started to sing.
"All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere"
She closed her eyes and took over the next verse.
"Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow"
"Open your eyes, Baby…" he whispered. "And I find it kinda funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had"
"I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very..."
"Mad world, mad world"
Addison let out a sigh and turned in his arms to face him. "This isn't working."
He pursed his lips deep in thought before breaking out in a large smile. "I've got it..." He jumped off the stage and started to take his clothes off.
"What are you doing?"
"They say the best way to get over stage fright is to imagine the audience naked… so…"
Addison shook her head, rolling her eyes. "Well, I can't let you suffer in this cold alone..." Slowly she started to unbutton her shirt as she continued to sing.
"Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen..."
With her shirt off, she slowly pushed down her jeans.
"Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me..."
Zed bit his lip and climbed back onto the stage, stalking towards her until he could reach out and pull her into his arms. "You... look delicious. You should always wear black LaPerla..."
"How can I imagine the audience naked if you're up here?"
"We're changing directions..." he said as his hands grabbed onto her lace-covered ass.
"Oh really… how so?"
"You should just imagine me naked when we're on stage together..."
She smiled as their lips met. "I think I can manage that."
ZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Zed slowly trailed his hand over the swell of her hip, his fingers tracing the large scar hidden under her colorful zombie bite tattoo. "You know… I happened to notice something..."
"And what would that be," she breathed out, still basking in the afterglow of their previous activities.
"Your tatts… they all seem to be covering scars."
She nodded her head. "Yeah..."
He lifted her wrist. "Are they all from cutting?"
"No." She pulled her wrist away and rubbed her thumb across the scar there. "I had the scars before I started cutting."
He sat up and gave her a questioning look. "What?"
"Yeah..."
"What the hell happened, Adds?"
"Z… I don't..."
He ran his hand down the side of her face, pulling her in for a kiss. "Please tell me… I lo..." he stopped himself and let out a deep breath. "I adore you… I'm just trying to know you again…"
She let out a sigh and looked into his eyes. "Fine… Most of them were from when I totaled the Ferrari."
"… Totaled the Ferrari?..." He pulled her to him and kissed her hard. "When? How? Did..." he was cut off by Addison kissing him again.
"Enough questions. You asked how I got the scars, I answered."
He softly laughed against her lips. "Fine… I know, no talking about the past." He sighed and held her close. "I'm sorry you got hurt, but it is kind of ironic that Addison 'I'm a great driver' Donnelly, got into a car accident, don't you think?"
"If I wasn't such a great driver I would have actually died… and I don't think you can call it an accident if you purposely drive off the side of the freeway going at least a hundred and thirty."
He pulled away with a serious look on his face. "Wait… you crashed your car… on purpose?"
"Yeah… Not my best moment, but..." she shrugged her shoulders.
He stood up abruptly and grabbed his pants. "Of all the fucking selfish, entitled shit you've done..."
"Excuse me?"
He glared at her, the fury clear in his eyes. "You know… I think you were right…This is a fucking mistake. We're done."
"Zed?"
He bent down and grabbed her clothes, throwing them at her before he stormed off, not giving her a second look.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
"I've been up in the air
Out of my head
Stuck in a moment of emotion I've destroyed
Is this the end I feel?
Up in the air
Fucked up our life
All of the laws I've broken, loves that I've sacrificed
Is this the end?
I wrap my hands around your neck so tight with love, love
A thousand times I've tempted fate
A thousand times I've played this game
A thousand times that I have said today, today, today..."
Bonzo pulled the cord to Zed's guitar, disconnecting it from the amp. "What the fuck did you do?!" he whispered yelled.
Zed growled and stared daggers into him as he grabbed the cable from him and plugged back in.
"I've been up in the air
Lost in the night
I wouldn't trade it out for your lies you lost for my life
Is this the end
You were the love of my life, the darkness, the light
This is a portrait of the tortured you and I
Is this the, is this the, is this the end?
I wrap my hands around your neck so tight with love, love, love..."
Bonzo walked over to the wall and unplugged the small amp altogether. "Why did I just get a call from Bree saying that Addison is completely inconsolable! I thought you wanted this?!"
Zed growled and slipped his guitar strap from over his head. "That fucking selfish bitch crashed her car on purpose. She could have fucking died! She could have killed someone else! But do you think she cared? Of course not! It's just Addie being a fucking selfish, spoiled, inconsiderate..."
Bonzo held up his hands to stop him. "I think I get the picture..." he exhaled and sat down on the bench seat against the window. "Christ… I swear you two..." He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes.
"I'm fucking done, Bonz… I can forgive and forget a whole hell of a lot, but this..."
"Does she know?"
"What does it matter if she knows or not?!" Zed snapped. "It doesn't change the fact that she did it!"
Bonzo let out a breath. "Z… she was dealing with a lot. I'm not saying what she did was right, but maybe if you took the time to try and understand what she..."
"I've had to deal with shit too!" he yelled back, his chest heaving with anger. "You know what? I'm out of here… maybe I'll be back for the show..." He threw his guitar towards Bonzo and flung the door open, storming off the bus.
2 WEEKS LATER
As Zombies walked off the stage, Bucky grabbed Zed by the front of his straight jacket and pulled him down towards him. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT NECRODOPOLUS?!"
Zed grabbed Bucky's wrists and pushed him off. "Fuck off Bucky."
"Real nice, Z. You completely fuck up yet another entire set, and the only thing you have to say is 'Fuck off'?!"
Zed rolled his eyes and walked off towards a group of awaiting female fans.
Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose. "Bonzo..."
"Yeah?"
"Zombies is opening until he sorts his shit out… And I swear to Christ is he's using again..."
"He's not. I'll fix this!"
"You better! I'm not fucking around!"
Bonzo sighed and nodded his head as Bucky walked off towards the green room. He stood there for a moment before heading towards the rooftop in search of the one person he knew could get through to Zed.
"Hey… I thought I'd find you up here." Bonzo said softly as he sat down next to her in the snow.
"Hey. Did you get that flight change?" Addison asked as she took a drag of her cigarette.
He nodded his head. "Yup. Sure did. We're now both heading out to LAX on the red-eye December 23rd."
She gave him a soft smile. "I'm glad you're spending the break with Bree. I promise I'll try not to be too much of a third wheel."
He rolled his eyes and draped his arm around her. "You know I didn't come up here to talk about Christmas break..."
"You didn't?"
"Look… Zed is going to be pissed at me for telling you this, but, whatevs… It's been two fucking weeks..." He grabbed Addison's cigarette and took a deep drag. "Maybe if you knew why he reacted the way he did, you two can finally talk this through, and he can quit being more of a colossal asshole than he normally is…"
Addison grabbed her cigarette back from him. "There's nothing to talk about Bonz. He used me to get off a few times and then tossed me aside like I meant nothing. It's not the first time it's happened. I should have expected it. Besides… he seems to be enjoying himself."
"Damnit! I'm so tired of you two doing this shit! You guys are fucking endgame! You're both just too fucking stubborn to figure everything out! I swear to fucking Christ..." he closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. "Back when Zed was in Julliard…" he paused, trying to find the best way to tell her. "It was right before Thanksgiving break. His mom was driving cross country to surprise him, attempt to cheer him up… She was side-swiped by a tractor-trailer."
Addison gasped, her cigarette falling out of her mouth, landing on her leg. "SHIT!" She quickly swatted it off and exhaled.
"Her car spun and she ended up hitting a sound wall."
"Oh my god..."
Bonzo nodded. "She was pronounced dead at the scene."
Addison couldn't help the tears from falling. "I had no idea… I loved Zyla..."
"I know Z was really close with her..."
"She was amazing… Everything a mom should be..."
Bonzo wrapped his arm around her and held her as she cried. "After the accident, his pops disowned him. Completely cut him off. Told him never to contact him or his sister again..."
"He always was a grade-A asshole," she sniffled into his shoulder.
"That's why Z joined the army… and why he dropped Jacobs." He looked down and brushed the hair away that was clinging to the wet tear trails down her face. "Like I said, you two need to talk. You both have been through hell and back. You both deserve a happy ending."
1 WEEK LATER
The crowd was cheering for more as Tracey walked over to Addison.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" he whispered as low as he could over the noise surrounding them.
It had been nearly three weeks since Zed had walked away from her. She had tried to talk to him, she tried to text, she tried to call. Nothing. He'd completely shut her out. This was her last attempt to try to get his attention. She let out a shaky breath and slowly nodded her head.
"Alright, doll-face… Let's do this. If you can't pick up the verse, I'll cover. No pressure." Tracey began to pluck out the melody of the song that Addison had been working on for the last week as he stepped up to the microphone.
"Watch me, take a good thing and fuck it all up in one night
Catch me, I'm the one on the run away from the headlights
No sleep, up all week wasting time with people I don't like
I think something's fucking wrong with me
Drown myself in alcohol, that shit never helps at all
I might say some stupid things tonight when you pick up this call
I've been hearing silence on the other side for way too long
I can taste it on my tongue, I can tell that somethings wrong but
I guess it's just my life and I can take it if I wanna
But I cannot hide in hills of California
Because these hills have eyes, and I got paranoia
I hurt myself sometimes, is that too scary for you?..."
Addison looked to the side of the stage. She nearly gasped when she found him staring at her. His eyes on fire.
"Watch me, take a good thing and fuck it all up in one night
Catch me, I'm the one on the run away from the headlights
No sleep, up all week wasting time with people I don't like
I think that something's fucking wrong with me..." Tracey looked over to Addison and gave her an encouraging smile.
She nodded and stepped up to the mic, closing her eyes.
"Roll me up and smoke me, love
And we can fly into the night
Roll me up and smoke me, love
And we can fly into the night
You take drugs to let go
And figure it all out on your own
Take drugs on gravestones
To figure it all out on your own"
She opened her eyes and looked back over, but Zed was gone. She ignored the enthusiastic thumbs up from Bucky and sighed. She had tried. She closed her eyes and swallowed back the tears that were threatening to fall. Bonzo was wrong. They weren't endgame. They were just the perfect drug. The highs were pure bliss that they endlessly chased, but the comedown… it was worse than any addiction she had ever kicked. It left you bruised and battered and gasping for air. She exhaled and opened her eyes. A look of determination on her face. If he could forget her again, then she could do the same.
"Watch me, take a good thing and fuck it all up in one night
Catch me, I'm the one on the run away from the headlights
No sleep, up all week wasting time with people I don't like
I think that something's fucking wrong with me..."
As the crowd cheered on, Tracey ran over and hugged her, lifting her off the ground. "You did it! We are so fucking celebrating tonight!"
Lacey pushed past them rolling her eyes.
Addison ignored her and smiled up at Tracey. "Sounds perfect… I'm in the mood for chaos."
ZZZZZZZZZ
"Tequila and Perrier, Honey-Bunny?" Tracey asked as they made their way through the crowded strip-club over towards the bar. "My treat!"
She nodded her head. "In that case, I'll take two."
"You got it!" He stepped up to the bar and flagged down the bartender.
"Tracey?" A voice called from behind them.
Tracey spun around as the voice registered. "OH. MY. GOD!" The need to order drinks suddenly forgotten as he squealed and embraced a tall raven-haired man. "Alex! What the shit are you doing here?"
"Same thing as you. Touring."
"I had no idea Banshee was even on tour!"
"Yeah, we hit the road last month..." his gaze moved to Tracey's left, noticing Addison for the first time. "Who's your friend?"
Tracey palmed his forehead and laughed. "Sorry, I swear I keep forgetting that she hasn't always been in the band." He turned and looked at her. "Alex, this is Add... I mean, Casey. She replaced Macey as our bassist… Princess, this is Alex, he's the lead singer and guitarist for Banshee."
Alex still hadn't broken eye contact with her as he stepped forward and took her outstretched hand placing a kiss on the top. "Pleasure to meet you." He flashed her a panty-dropping smile. "I have to say Trace… you guys certainly upgraded."
Tracey laughed and draped his arm around Addison. "You have NO idea… Is the rest of the band around?"
"They sure are. You guys wanna join us? I know Jonathan would LOVE to see you again, Trace."
Tracey giggled excitedly and looked over to Addison, silently asking for her thoughts.
She leaned in closer to whisper in his ear, "Single?"
Tracey nodded.
She smiled and nodded. "He'll do."
An hour and several drinks later, Tracey was making out with Jonathan while Addison was sitting on Alex's lap laughing as he and his bandmates regaled her of tails of their exploits coming up on the New York music scene.
"Oh my god!" Alex laughed, "There was this one time when we were playing at CBGB and all of a sudden this massive brawl breaks out in the middle of our set..."
Jason, the drummer for Banshee, laughed and clinked his glass against Alex's. "Zombies were set to play after us that night," he laughed. "So naturally, Zed and Bonzo were right in the middle of it all."
"That's only because Z caused the fight in the first place," Tracey added as he briefly came up for air.
"Did I hear my name?"
They all looked up to see Zed standing next to them.
"ZED!" The members of Banshee all greeted out in unison.
"Dude! Pull up a fucking chair! Where's everyone else?"
Zed drug a chair over from the neighboring table and sat down. "Getting drinks. I thought I recognized you," he said motioning over to Jason. "But then I spotted Princess's hair, and thought there was no way she'd be hanging out with you losers..." He glanced in her direction and narrowed his eyes.
Alex's hand wrapped possessively around her. "I have to say, Z… I don't know how you're surviving touring with this hot thing on the same bus as you."
Before Zed could respond, Bonzo, Eliza, and Bucky walked up to the table.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
"I need a refill!" Addison giggled over the loud pulsing music as she pulled away from Alex's lips.
"Need me to get you one?" he asked, his hand grabbing onto her ass under her skirt.
She giggled and kissed him again, shaking her head. "No… I'll be right back." She stumbled off of him and straightened her skirt, blowing him a kiss as she walked off.
She was almost to the bar when a leather blockade stopped her paces. Zed. He grabbed her wrist and ushered her around the corner, pushing her against the wall with his lips.
She promptly dissolved into the wood before suddenly remembering her anger towards him. She reached up to shove him away, but her traitorous hands wound around his shoulders instead.
He interrupted his torrent of kisses, mumbling against her lips, "Stay away from him."
"Fuck you," she mumbled back. Normally she'd resent a man telling her what to do, especially where other guys were concerned, but Zed's jealousy tripped her pride trigger. "I'll do whatever the fuck I want with whomever the fuck I want. Just like you do with your groupies and strippers."
He pulled away and nailed her with a stare. "They bore me."
"Yeah? You haven't looked very bored lately."
"Are you jealous?"
"Not at all," she lied.
He shot a glance left, then right. He pressed his cock against her hip. "Well, I am. And if I see you with another guy again, I'm going to beat the living hell out of them. You don't want me to resort to violence, do you?" His gravely voice shooting waves of desire through her, but his words wrapping around her heart. He did still want her.
"Don't tell me who I can or can't be with." The words came out of her mouth, but internally she was screaming the opposite.
He dipped closer and brushed her mouth with his. "How about if I ask real nice?"
"How about you give me a reason not to be with anybody else… You're the one who's been ignoring me again. I've been trying to talk to you..."
The rock-star persona bullshit dropped with a thud, and a brief air of truth filled the space between them. He pinned her with his warm brown eyes. "Why can't I stop loving you…"
She released a long breath, her hands came to rest on his chest as her pretenses dropped as well. Twenty million questions demanding his immediate attention ran through her mind, but in her drunken state, she asked the one she shouldn't have. "What the hell are we doing, Z?… It's the same song and dance over and over. We fight, we avoid, we ignore until one of us snaps and we end up having crazy-kinky hot-as-hell sex… And now, here we are again… and..."
He curled his finger and thumb pulling up her chin, the look on his face silencing her. "I wish all it took was a few groupies and strippers to get you out of my head… God knows I've been trying to do it for years."
A Lords of Acid song bit into the speakers, and everyone in the club ran over towards the main stage where some featured dancer was doing her thing.
A predatory smirk spread across Zed's face as he glanced over towards the occupied crowd. Without saying a word, he grabbed her hand and lead her twenty feet to the bathroom. A few dudes stood around the urinals, but no one looked twice as he dragged her by the skirt waistband into a handicap stall and slammed the door shut.
Her hands moved on instinct, unhooking his belt, unzipping his jeans, and stroking his ready and willing cock. Low, staccato bass notes rattled the walls. She smiled, hoping the music would be loud enough to cover the gasps and moans she planned on doing a lot of. He was worse than any drug, and she was jonesing for another hit.
Before she could get on her knees to bow before the altar of Zed's glorious dick and praise it with her mouth, he hefted her to the steel handle running parallel to the floor. It wasn't nearly deep enough to support her, so she dropped a stiletto foot to the toilet seat and used that to help her balance on the bar. He lifted her skirt and dropped to his knees, ripping the lace that covered her.
"Those are expensive you know..." she moaned out as his tongue rolled around her sensitive nub making her scream out almost instantly.
She combed her fingers through his sweat-dried hair, loving the feel of its softness mixed with the hard tugs on her clit. He sucked her loudly, hungrily. Thanks to her precarious position, she could barely move, which may have been his intention all along.
"I don't want to come yet, Zed. Not until you fill me with your cock." Even as she whispered the words, she pushed his mouth hard against her wet cunt, trying again to thrust her stationary hips, to no avail.
She put her foot down, dragging his beautiful face to hers. She licked herself off his mouth, nice and slow so he could watch her and think about it. He parted his lips enough for her to lap the insides too. She stared into his eyes, "Mmm… I taste good on your mouth… almost as good as I taste on your dick."
"I fucking crave your taste, Baby."
She fondled his stiffy and used it to sop up a hearty helping of all-natural lube from her dripping muff. She spread it over the head of his cock with her thumb and chased it with her lips. She groaned around her mouthful, savoring the delicacy. After only a minute of playtime, he pulled away, giving her a heated look.
She resumed her position on the bar, spreading her legs as wide as they'd go in the cramped space. He rolled a condom down his length and in one swift move, buried himself inside of her. He drove in and out, slow and steady.
Her arms snaked around his neck, as she tilted her head to enjoy the view as bliss diffused through his face. In that nasty-ass strip club bathroom full of pissing dudes and possible rogue ejaculators, Zed kissed her like she was his lifeline.
"I wish things could be different..." he whispered a little breathlessly.
Addison licked the edge of his ear. "Me too."
His slowing thrusts matching their current mood. He clamped a palm to her jaw and traced the line of her lower lip with his tongue, making it even more difficult for her to concentrate. The metal walls of the stall clanked a solid, steady beat as he continued to fuck her. His eyes glazed over as he pumped in and out once more, filling the condom. His smile did her in. Devotion, adoration, and love. Her whole universe coming into sharp focus as she came around him staring into his hypnotic brown eyes.
She dissolved into his arms, his mouth, his everything. Her head spinning like a whirligig. Her heart screaming for her to give in to the high and tell him she loved him. She stroked his rough cheek instead.
Someone banged on the door. "Hey, how long you gonna be in there? I gotta drop a deuce really bad."
"Way to kill a moment, Dickie McDoucherson." She waved her middle finger over the top of the stall.
"Hey, somebody's banging a chick in there," a voice says. Laughter following.
Zed pulled away, stuffing his softening dick back into his pants.
Addison sighed. She wanted more than this. She wanted cuddling and post-coital binge eating and spooning. She wanted to wake up beside him in the morning and start all over. Fuck screwing in bathroom stalls and behind the tour bus. She was tired of sneaking around.
The main door opened. Loud music seeping in.
"Zed? You in here?" Bucky's voice calls out.
The guys on the other side snickered. "I don't know what his name is, but some dude is getting lucky in there."
"Sounds like something he'd do..." Bucky tapped on the metal door, attempting to peek through the cracks.
Zed put his back to the door and held her in front of him, away from view. "Fuck off."
"Nice to see your vocabulary is still stunted… Hurry up and cum already. We need to get back to the bus and I still have to find Casey."
The main bathroom door opened and closed a couple more times. They both waited a full minute before moving. Addison was pretty sure she was holding her breath the entire time.
"You go out first. Make sure the coast is clear," she whispered. "I'll come out in a bit. Do whatever you have to do to get Bucky away from here."
He nodded and pecked the soft spot behind her ear as he let out a sigh. He laid a panty-wringer of a kiss on her before pushing her away, the same look of disgust that had been present for weeks was back, sobering her up instantly. "You're worse than fucking heroin." He opened the stall door and walked out. The slaps of palms bounced off mirrors and tile, and roars of appreciative laughter barreled between the guys out there.
"Hey, you're the singer for Zombies," one of the dudes said. "I'll bet you got a got a hot piece of ass, huh?"
"Yeah, Zombies… You wanna meet the band?" Zed replied.
"They're here? Hell yeah, man!"
The voices trailed off, and the door closed again. Addison waited a few minutes, trying to keep the tears from spilling. More people coming in and going out. When it's mostly quiet, she snuck to the door, looked both ways, and got the hell out of Dodge.
She had just made the corner when she came face to face with Tracey. "You had sex with Zed again."
"What? No. Why would I…? No."
"You totally did."
Blinking tears back slowly, she nodded.
"Oh, Addie-Caddie..." He shook his head and pulled her into a hug.
December 22nd. The last show before the holiday break, and their last show with Stacey. Addison zipped up the last of her bags and dragged them to the front of the bus.
"Has anyone seen Zed?" Bucky called out from the door.
Addison looked around. "I haven't seen him since last night."
"I swear to fucking christ..." he mumbled as the door slammed shut.
"Still a no-show?" Tracey asked as he brought his own bags up to the front.
"Apparently." She glanced down at her watch. "They go on in thirty minutes."
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
"Where the fuck have you been!" Bucky screamed as Zed waltzed into the green room less than ten minutes before Zombies was set to take the stage.
Zed ignored him and started to get changed into his usual stage attire.
"Hello… I asked you a fucking question!"
Zed rolled his eyes and pulled his straight jacket over his head, heading back towards the door. "I don't have time for this shit… I've got a show to do."
Bucky blocked his way. "You know… I was really starting to think you were better than I gave you credit for… But now..." He shook his head. "I suggest you take the next couple weeks and straighten your shit out."
"Fuck off..." Zed pushed past Bucky and headed towards the stage.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
"We can never be friends!"
The sound of Zed's low gravely growl into the mic made Addison's head snap up and over towards the stage.
"Holy shit..." Stacey laughed. "He actually showed up."
"I hate that I saw you again last night
You were with somebody and so was I
Met you in the bathroom at 12:05
And I fucked you again
We can never be friends, yeah, yeah, yeah..."
Addison bit her lip as hard as she could. The pain and anger in his voice cutting her to the core.
"I'm not myself
I'm not myself when you're around, no
Can't be helped
We are insane, that's just the way it goes
I'm a demon in the night
She's an angel with the white
Told me keep on all the lights
I'ma show you what you like..."
She grabbed onto Tracey's hand and squeezed.
"I hate that I saw you again last night
You were with somebody and so was I
Met you in the bathroom at 12:05
And I fucked you again
We can never be friends, yeah, yeah, yeah..."
Her breaths were coming out in pants as she tried to keep her tears at bay.
"I couldn't cry
I need to smoke, I'm feeling sick inside
From seein' you next to a friend of mine..."
"Fucking asshole..." Tracey muttered as he stood up pulling her away from the side of the stage, ignoring the looks from Bucky, Stacey, and Lacey as they walked past. He kicked open the rear exit and dragged her outside into the snowy night. He pulled her into a hug, and let her cry into his shoulder. "Look at me, Addison..."
She sniffled and looked up at him through tears.
"I know this sucks. But we've got one last show before the break. You are ten times the musician he will ever be. So..." he wiped at her smeared mascara with the pads of his thumbs and gave her an encouraging smile. "Forget about him for one night. Be a badass rocker bitch and lets fucking send Stacey off with a show she'll never forget."
She nodded her head and hugged him. "You're right… Tonight's about Stacey."
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
"To Stacey..." Lacey called out over the loud club music as she held up her vodka martini. "You've been an Acey since the very beginning and you always will be… Even though we're going to miss you and your insane beats more than anything, we wish you nothing but the best in the future...You are going to be impossible to replace!"
"To Stacey!" The rest of them called out, lifting their own drinks in the air.
Stacey wiped at her eyes. "You guys..." she shook her head and gave them a small smile. "I'm going to miss you so fucking much..."
"I just wish my idiot bandmates had the decency to come out and see you off, too," Eliza said as she hugged the other drummer.
Stacey shrugged. "Maybe it's for the best..."
Over the next couple hours, they all said their goodbyes, leaving as their various departure times approached.
Addison was outside smoking a cigarette when Bucky walked out.
"You going to be okay?" he asked as he took her cigarette from her to light his own.
Addison rolled her eyes. "Damnit, Bartholomew… ask me one more time," she threatened under her breath as she took hers back.
He let out a soft laugh. "Fine… but if your bitch of a mother gives you too much shit, call me."
"I will. Tell the fam I said Merry Christmas."
"I will."
"Oh, and have fun with Eliza," she whispered with a wink.
"Fully plan to… I'll see you in a couple of weeks Addie-loo." He pulled her into a hug. "Merry Christmas, Sis."
About an hour later, Addison was the last one left. She was sitting at the bar when she heard her name.
"Addison…"
She turned to see Bonzo sitting down next to her. "Hey!" she said hugging him. "I thought you weren't coming out?"
He ran his hand nervously through his hair. "I'm not."
She arched her brow and motioned around. "Um… you kind of are..."
"Have you seen Zed?"
Addison rolled her eyes and tipped her drink back finishing it off. "Nope. And I don't fucking care where he is either. Now if you'll excuse me… I still have…" she glanced down at her watch. "Four hours before we need to leave for the airport, and I intend to be very drunk."
"Bullshit."
She turned her body fully towards him. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me. I know you care. Which is why I'm trusting you with this."
"Bonzo, what the hell are you talking about?"
"I think Zed's using again."
"What? What do you mean?"
"He's been clean for a while, but lately he just hasn't been himself. He's been disappearing, he's moodier than normal, he's barely talking to anyone… We were supposed to hang out until we needed to leave for the airport, but he never showed."
"Bonzo..." Addison grabbed onto the collar of his jacket and pulled him down so that he was eye level with her. "What do you mean, 'using'?"
"Heroin…"
The empty glass she was holding hit the ground, shattering.
"Addison, if he's using again..." he let out a sigh and shook his head. "I can't leave for two weeks without knowing if he's okay or not."
"Fuck… Are you really worried?"
Bonzo nodded his head.
She let go of his lapel and took off towards the exit, pulling out her phone.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
"The more I give to you the more I die
And I want you
And I want you…"
He tied the tourniquet around his arm, holding it tight with his teeth as his veins became visible.
"You are the perfect drug
You make me hard when I'm all soft inside
I see the truth when I'm all stupid-eyes
The arrow goes straight through my heart
Without you, everything just falls apart..."
He punctured his skin with the needle.
"My blood wants to say hello to you
My soul is so afraid to realize
How very little there is left of me
And I want you..."
He pushed down on the plunger.
"You are the perfect drug..."
As a feeling of pure bliss washed over him, he leaned his head against the wall of the small bathroom. Images of ice blue eyes, and snow white-haired pulling him under.
"Without you, everything falls apart
It's not as much fun to pick up the pieces..."
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
"It says he's on the bus," Addison said as they made their way back over to where the bus was parked.
"I told you, I already looked there!"
"Well, the tracking info says he's on the bus, so that's where we're starting..." She flung the door open and walked up the steps. "This is not how I wanted to spend my last few hours..." she mumbled. "Zed?"
"Zed! Are you in here?" Bonzo called out as he and Addison walked through the hall of the bus between the bunks.
She dialed his number and waited for it to start ringing.
A-way, way down inside
A-honey you need-ah
I'm gonna give you my love, ah
I'm gonna give you my love, ah oh
Whole lotta love…
Addison smiled to herself as they followed the sound. "He still has our ringtone..." She knocked on the bathroom door. "Zed…" She tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Zed… I don't care if you want to talk to me or not, but Bonzo is out here and worried sick about you, so stop being an ass and open up." She rattled it a few more times. "Bonz..."
"I'm on it..." he took a running start and slammed into the door, breaking the latch and stumbling inside, tripping on something on the floor.
"Well that was a bit extreme..." she mumbled under her breath as she took a step in to help Bonzo up. Her foot hit something making her look down. "ZED!"
Tears sprung to her eyes as she saw him lying on the floor, a needle still visible in his arm. She dropped to her knees by his side, Bonzo doing the same. Instincts kicked in and she moved her hair away from her ear and rested it against his chest. "He's still breathing… it's weak but..." she jumped to her feet. "Pull the needle out and untie the tourniquet!" she ordered as she ran out the room. Less than a minute later she was back. She dropped down next to him again, re-positioning him so that his head was resting in her lap. She quickly assembled a glass vile into an atomizer.
"Where the hell did you find Narcan?"
She pushed the button up administering a dose of spray into Zed's right nostril and then repeating the action in the other.
"Bucky's bunk."
"How did you know he'd have it?!"
She didn't take her eyes off of Zed. "He's had it since I joined the tour."
"Wait, what?!"
She let out a sigh of relief as Zed's breaths became deeper. "I think he's going to be okay… but we need to get him to a hospital!"
"We can't… If B finds out, Zed's off the tour."
She sighed and nodded her head, knowing a little too well where her brother stood on serious drug use. "Call Bree."
"What? Why?"
"Are you going to question everything?!" She closed her eyes and let out a breath. "I'm sorry… I'm just trying not to panic. I need you to call Bree because we're supposed to be staying with her for the next two weeks. Z's going to need someone with him 24/7 who can help him through withdrawals… and since a hospital is out of the question and I can't send him to rehab without setting off a hundred different fucking alarms... he's coming with us to LA." She pulled her phone out of her bra and quickly started to type out a text.
"Are you texting her or should I..."
Addison rolled her eyes. "I'm making new travel arrangements… We can't exactly fly commercial."
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
"Miss Donnelly! It's such a pleasure to see you again!"
"Nancy," she smiled sweetly. "I'm sorry about the short notice."
"Oh, don't be silly, sweet girl. We're always happy to see you..." the older flight attendant's attention was drawn over to Bonzo who was helping Zed up the stairs. "Oh my… is that… Mr. Jacobs?"
Addison let out a sigh. "Yup… It's a loooong story…" she lowered her voice as she added, "one my brother does not need to know."
Nancy nodded in understanding as Addison helped Bonzo get Zed situated on the long bench seat against the windows.
Addison sat next to him and placed his head in her lap, soothingly running her fingers through his emerald green hair as the flight crew prepared for take-off.
"Oh thank fuck..." Bonzo mumbled pulling his phone out of his pocket and bringing it to his ear. "Hey, Babe..." he cringed and looked over to Addison. "Um… hold on..." he put the phone on speaker and held it out. "Okay…"
Bree's voice filled the cabin. "Addison Megan Donnelly! What the fuck is going on?!"
Addison huffed out a breath. "Hi, Bree."
"Don't you 'Hi Bree' me! Start talking!"
"Zed overdosed. We're on the Donnelly jet about to take off… you know, the usual..."
They could hear Bree sighing. "Adds… You know I love you, and I'd do anything for you..."
"Why do I feel a 'but' coming?"
"But… My family decided to come early! They're already here and driving me fucking nuts. I can't have someone detoxing in the middle of fucking forced family Christmas time!"
"Fuck..."
"Can you stay at a hotel? You're going to be at the Beverly Hills Hotel for Christmas Eve anyway. Can't you just get a room?"
"No…. You know my idiot step-brother sees my expenses. He'd ask too many questions… It's the same reason I'm not bringing Z directly to Rise Rehab Center in Malibu."
"What about the hou…."
"I'm not going to the house."
"Adds… It makes the most sense and you know it. It's close enough so that if anything does happen, the best doctors around are only minutes away. I can head over to the house and open everything up, and I'll help you however I can."
Addison was quiet for a few moments as she weighed her options. She looked down at Zed, still asleep in her lap. With a heavy sigh, she nodded her head. "Fine. We'll text you when we land…"
Bonzo took the phone off of speaker and continued his conversation with Bree as Addison started to run her fingers through Zed's hair once again.
"Never thought you'd make me perspire
Never thought I'd do you the same
Never thought I'd fill with desire
Never thought I'd feel so ashamed..." she whispered as the engines became louder.
"Me and the dragon can chase all the pain away
So before I end my day remember
My sweet prince you are the one
My sweet prince
You are the one..."
"So…," Bonzo said as he hung up the phone, interrupting her whispered serenade. "Care to start explaining?"
"What's there to explain?"
"Hmm... why you knew what to do when Z od'd? Why did Bucky start carrying Narcan when you joined the tour? Why you and Bree seem to know about a rehab center in Malibu? Shall I continue?"
"Not particularly..." she mumbled, not taking her eyes off Zed. "But, we've got a long flight, and I know you're just going to ask Bree when you see her… So... you might as well hear it from me." She took a deep breath and let it out. "Zed wouldn't be the first client Bucky has represented that's overdosed."
"What? I thought Lacey was Bucky's first client."
Addison shook her head. "Nope. Bucky was my manager before he moved back to New York."
"Well, that explains how he got you on the tour so fast after Macey got the boot."
"Yeah, he might have called and reminded me that I owed him one..."
"I'm guessing that 'one' has something to do with your knowledge of Narcan?"
She nodded her head. "Among other things..." she sighed again before she continued. "About a year after Z left, B put me through rehab in Paris for a nasty cocaine habit… It was hell, and I swore I'd never touch the stuff again and I put all my focus on my album… but … but then my daddy passed away and I relapsed, except coke wasn't cutting it anymore. So I moved onto H…"
"Jesus."
"Yeah… It escalated pretty quickly… Nobody had heard from me in months… until I drove my car off the side of the freeway. When I got out of the hospital, Bucky flew me directly back to Malibu and checked me into Rise… So, needless to say, I know what Z's going through, and what he's about to go through in the next week."
Bonzo shook his head and smirked. "You know… Bucky never left his side when he detoxed last time… I didn't know he had previous experience."
Addison sadly smiled. "I usually just joke with him that being my manager prepared him for any possible scenario he would encounter." She sighed and leaned her head back against the cold window. "But in all seriousness… Bucky saved my life… Multiple times. Coming on the tour was the least I could do for him."
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
"Holy shit…," Bonzo muttered under his breath as they pulled up to the gates of Addison's father's house in Malibu. "Z wasn't fucking kidding."
"You get used to it," Addison mumbled under her breath as she punched in the access code. She could feel the panic starting to rise as they drove down the drive towards the house.
"Hey..." Bonz said softly, leaning forward from the back seat to rest a hand on her arm. "You going to be okay?"
She put the car in park and turned to look at Zed still asleep on the back seat. She took a deep breath and nodded her head. "Yeah… he's worth it."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I really wanted to get this chapter out BEFORE Christmas, but… oh well, better late than never! Whew... That was a roller coaster and a half to write! Let me know what you think!
MUSIC USED IN THIS CHAPTER
Mad World- The Riverdale Season 2 version
Up in The Air- Thirty Seconds To Mars
I think I'm Okay- Machine Gun Kelly
Why are you Here- Machine Gun Kelly
Perfect Drug- Nine Inch Nails
My Sweet Prince- Placebo