Athena was weaving a wedding outfit and a blanket for her half-sister Persephone.
The spring goddess would soon be officially married to Hades, the King of the Netherworld.
The dress and cover would be Athena's wedding gift.
But then she heard somebody's voice swearing outside.
Looking out of her window, she saw Hephaistos pass by in his wheelchair, sputtering all kinds of curses. Tears were running down his brown and dirtied face, which was distorted with fury.
It didn't take Athena's genius to know, what was going on.
Probably Aphrodite had cheated on him and Hephaistos had finally found out.
Athena couldn't help but feel sorry for him.
Aphrodite and Ares had been in a relationship long before the crippled smith had come along and had both been incredibly unhappy, when Zeus and Hera had married the love goddess off to the young god of smithery. Athena could understand, that Aphrodite didn't love this husband and that Ares was jealous. For that she didn't blame them.
But still, Hephaistos was a bright god and just as smart and talented as Athena was. They enjoyed competing over who was the better sculptor and inventor and most of the time, it was a draw. He was sensible too, most of the time, that is. She considered him her equal.
And if you ignored his deformed, crippled legs and the grime he was always covered in, he didn't even look that bad either.
He was a sweet guy and deserved better than being married to the promiscuous … woman that was Aphrodite. She didn't love him and Athena suspected that the love goddess was currently cheating on her husband with either her established lover Ares or with Apollon, who was extremely handsome and charming and had tried to win her over several times.
However, Aphrodite was underestimating how cunning her husband could be. And if Athena knew him at all, she could be sure, that he now was in his smithery, concocting some perfidious revenge plot. Normally the black-haired god was kind and generous, but if he was wronged, he showed no mercy. Hera had already been on the receiving end of his vindictiveness and Aphrodite would be no exception.
Most other gods knew by now not to mess with the divine smith. He was wasn't the man for fun and games.
Just a few hours later, Athena's suspicions were confirmed.
She was watering her olive trees, when she heard a terrifying scream and nearly dropped her garden hose in shock.
When she peeped over her garden wall, she saw Hephaistos roll out of his palace.
"HEY, EVERYONE!, he shrieked, "DO YOU WANT TO SEE SOMETHING FUNNY?! COME HERE AND SEE WHAT A WONDERFUL WIFE APHRODITE IS TO ME! LYING IN MY BED WITH DESTRUCTIVE ARES, SHE IS! YOU'LL FIND THEM LYING THERE AND THE SIGHT MAKES ME SICK! THEY'RE TRAPPED IN MY NET AND WILL WANT TO GET AWAY, BUT I WON'T LET THEM! NOT BEFORE ZEUS GIVES ME BACK THE BETROTHAL GIFTS I GAVE FOR HER HAND! COME ON! IT'S A REAL SPECTACLE! SHE'S AS SHAMELESS AS SHE IS BEAUTIFUL! AND HE TOO!"
Now Athena really dropped her garden hose.
Seriously? They had made a cuckold of Hephaistos in his own marriage bed?! What the Tartaros was wrong with them?
A moment later, all the male gods of Olympos were darting out of their palaces and running towards Hephaistos' house. Except for Poseidon; he was at home in the sea, bed-ridden, if Athena remembered correctly. That gave her an idea.
She really shouldn't join the crowd, it was indecent. But her curiosity was too strong.
So she closed her eyes and concentrated. She became a little shorter, her long black hair shortened and turned blue, her skin grew a bit darker, her frame turned male and her sea blue eyes turned coal black. Poseidon would be pissed, but who gave a damn? He was grumpy all the time and she had a plan to execute.
So she hurried to join the others, but when she got there and followed them to Hephaistos' bedroom, she didn't believe her eyes: there, trapped under an adamantine net, lay Aphrodite and Ares. In Hephaistos' marriage bed, as he had said. Hardly able to move at all. Exposed in an extremely compromising position.
For a few moments, everyone just gawked at the sight.
Then Hermes started laughing. Apollon joined in. Until almost everyone was cackling and jeering, except for the exposed lovers, obviously. Even Athena couldn't help but chuckle at the situation. Hephaistos only smiled in grim satisfaction.
That is, till the other gods began to comment on what they saw.
"Damn, what a sight!"
"They sure look hot like that!"
"Hey, I wouldn't mind swapping with Ares."
"I want to be next!"
"No way, I want a turn, when they're done!"
"STOP TREATING HER LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT, YOU BASTARDS!", Ares roared and struggled harder under the net, but to no avail.
Finally Zeus stopped laughing and called everyone to settle down: "Now, now, everyone. This is not a laughing matter (even though the sight is hilarious). You two", he turned to the trapped pair, "brought this upon yourselves. Sleeping in your husband's or brother-in-law's bed, really?"
Athena could make out Ares' face twisting in scorn, as he scoffed: "That's coming from you?! The only ones here, who weren't born out of wedlock are Hephaistos and myself!"
Ares had a point there.
The cutting reminder also got the others to finally stop laughing.
Zeus on the other hand was not impressed. "If you don't count myself and my brother Poseidon here, yes, that is true. And now to you", he turned to Hephaistos, "Let your brother and wife go. This is simply-"
"Oh no", Hephaistos snarled, "First, give me back the bridal gifts I paid to you, when you jumped in as Aphrodite's father! And then we can talk! I refuse to be married to her any longer!"
Zeus lifted an eyebrow and refused: "This is a marital matter, not the public spectacle you made of it. I have no obligation to comply with your demands."
The fire god's face flushed with fury, but before he could protest, "Poseidon" stepped in: "Let's not turn this into an argument. Brother, just give him back the bridal gifts. You stepped in as her father, because she has no real parents. As such, you too are responsible for her actions."
Zeus huffed, but nodded his assent.
Meanwhile, Aphrodite was crying a torrent and sobbing in shame and horror. Ares was desperately trying to shift them both into a less embarrassing position (he was failing) and growling curses at everyone.
Athena was starting to feel bad for them, even though they'd had it coming.
Therefore "Poseidon" turned to Hephaistos: "Now that this is settled, don't you want to let them go?"
Hephaistos scoffed: "Oh Erebos, no! These two owe me reparations as well! They made me a cuckold in my own bed, so why would I possibly release them?!"
Athena considered for a second what her uncle would do.
Then she pleaded with Poseidon's voice: "Come on, let them go. I promise, that he shall pay whatever penalty you ask for – pay in the presence of all the gods."
But the smith shook his head: "Earth-shaker, as noble as your plea is, you're asking too much of me. These two-", he scornfully nodded towards the adulterers, "-are as unreliable as they come. If I release Ares and he runs off immediately, will I get no compensation?"
Athena knew that Hephaistos was right. Ares and Aphrodite would run off as soon as they were free and honestly, she wouldn't blame them; perhaps, if she had been in this situation, she would do the same (not that it would ever happen, but still).
So "Poseidon" offered: "Hephaistos, if Ares indeed runs off without paying compensation, where it is due, I myself will pay whatever price you ask for."
Under the net Aphrodite was still crying.
Ares had ceased his insults to everyone and was now trying to comfort her, hugging her protectively and shielding her from their view as best as the net chain allowed.
Athena couldn't help but find this endearing.
So these two really loved each other after all. The goddess of wisdom had assumed, that their relationship was superficial, that they only liked the other for their looks. Apparently she had been wrong for the first time in her life.
And as she looked down at the wheelchair-bound smith, she could tell, that he was having the same realisation – and that his resolve was cracking.
"Come on", "Poseidon" coaxed good-naturedly. "You're going to divorce her anyway and surely you'll be better off without her. So, even though Ares should be the one doing it, does it really matter, who compensates you? Besides, we all know I have far greater wealth than he does."
I hope this is something my uncle would say …
Because sure, Poseidon was not a good person (in fact, he was a horrible person), but he was nothing if not generous. And even though he would be angry, that she had promised compensation in his name, he surely would forgive her, once she'd tell him that he now could call in a favour from Aphrodite.
Eventually "Poseidon"'s bargaining, the lewd comments of the other gods and the way the humiliated couple acted shattered Hephaistos' resolve.
"You know what?", the blacksmith god spoke, "Screw it. I can't think of an excuse to refuse you any longer."
He rolled his wheelchair over to the bed and lifted the net.
Of course, just as predicted, Aphrodite and Ares immediately made a run for it and vanished through the window within less than a second.
Zeus shook his head, then he sent everyone home and went back to tend to his own business.
"Poseidon" stayed behind, telling everyone that "he" had to negotiate the bargain that was to be paid.
Hephaistos threw a glare at the window the injurers had fled through, before turning and scowling: "I fucking told you so!"
"Now, now, nephew. We all saw this coming, so how about you tell me, what you're asking for me to provide?"
"Right."
Athena almost frowned at the long list – Poseidon would have her head – but only nodded in acknowledgement.
Hephaistos chuckled: "Pondering how you will tell our uncle, that he will pay a price you promised me, Athena? And yes, I know it's you."
She shrugged and turned back into herself. "What gave me away?"
"Please, we all know that Poseidon is at home in his crystal palace under the sea. Forby, he wouldn't do something this nice for both Aphrodite and Ares! He would have laughed with the others, like the old horndog he is!"
"Point taken. So what are you going to do now?"
The blacksmith sighed: "I will officially divorce her and then … I don't know. Lead the single life and do my job, I guess."
"I'm so sorry", Athena told him gently.
"Don't be", Hephaistos contradicted. "None of this is your fault. It's all theirs. Shit …"
He buried his face in his hands. "… I knew, that she wasn't in love with me. I'm not blind or naïve, I could see it in her eyes. But she told me that she loved me – at least in some way – and you know what? I actually believed it – wanted to believe it! And yes, I knew about her affairs, yet I accepted them and kept swallowing my pride. And how did she repay my tolerance? By fucking my brother in my marriage bed! Seeing this … that was just the last straw, you see."
"Of course, I understand", Athena assured him gently. "One can only take so much infidelity."
Hephaistos went on: "And I even knew about this thing with Ares, but I didn't take it seriously … I thought it was just a tryst and … damn, I just wanted to believe, that she only likes that crazy fucktard for his looks. Well, now I have seen the truth … have seen how they interact with each other! Oh, fool that I was! She loves him! She actually loves him!"
"I know", Athena confirmed sadly. "The feeling is obviously mutual too. Has been for a long time."
The smith inhaled sharply. "So everybody knew, that these two were a serious item, except for myself? Perfect, just perfect!"
"I didn't think it was that deep", the wisdom goddess defended herself. "I mean, with them being, who they are-"
Suddenly Hephaistos laughed, startling her.
"So the goddess of wisdom is capable of bias and prejudice? I'm surprised, Athena – and not in the good way."
"That stung.
Of course Athena had been called out before, namely by Ares and Poseidon, who were both envious of her. So she had always brushed it off.
Hearing such a waspish remark from Hephaistos was an entirely different matter. She simply hadn't pinned him to be the snappish type. He had to be exceedingly hurt.
"I'm sorry", the smith whispered, "I didn't mean to lash out at you. It just … everything is just too much."
"I know, I know. Hey. Need a hug?"
"Yes, please."
They spent the next hour with her hunched down and him bawling relentlessly into her shoulder.
Finally, he calmed down and thanked her.
She nodded in response and took her leave. After all, she still had a lot to do (and in addition, she'd have to clean her now messy shoulder from the tear stains and snot).
A few hours later, Poseidon's far-speaker buzzed on the night table next to his sick bed.
He groaned, but reached over and picked up.
"Hello?", he rasped into the speaker.
To his surprise (and agitation), it was Athena's voice that answered: "Hello, uncle, it's me, Athena. I have some bad and some good news. But first, wanna hear something … uh, something you'll probably find funny?"