" She's dead?" Yarrowpaw wheezed out in disbelief, shivering.
He tried to ignore the cold that seeped to his bones, instead looking at Deerleap, Foxpaw, and Thistlepaw, who all shared the same sad look.
She couldn't be dead! He looked at the ground, fur bushing out. If she was dead, it was his fault! Voices sounded around him, but he didn't pay attention, letting his head drop to the ground.
Sleekwhisker was dead and it was his fault. All for a stupid fish that he didn't even catch. Why did she jump after him? If she didn't, she'd still be alive. It was his fault that she died.
His fault. His fault. That kept repeating in his mind.
Foxpaw was speaking now. It sounded closer than the other voices. Maybe that's how he identified it. Her voice came closer, before he felt a shove on his side.
He forced his gaze up from the ground, looking at her. What did she want? Sleekwhisker was dead! Not only that, he was the reason why she was dead in the first place.
" Get up! Do you want to freeze?" She said, her voice lowered in a growl.
Oh. She was mad at him. He looked away, letting his head drop on the ground again. Of course she was mad at him. He was the reason Sleekwhisker was dead. One of the few cats who was perfectly fine with her existence.
Foxpaw nudged him again, harder.
"Get up!" She said again, her tone growing more serious.
Why did she care so much? Wouldn't it be better if he just stayed here? After all he was the reason-
" Foxpaw, be nice!" That was Thistlepaw.
Thistlepaw was always happy in his company. That was going to change now, wasn't it? She wouldn't want to hang out with him after-
" Yarrowpaw. " Foxpaw was speaking to him again.
Couldn't she just leave him alone? He didn't want to move! He opened his mouth to snap at her, but instead he let out a few weak coughs. So... Cold.
" Yarrowpaw, do you want to freeze?" Foxpaw was in front of him now, her face only inches away from his.
" Foxpaw, he just lost his mentor." Thistlepaw defended him, her soft voice gaining a hint of annoyance.
" And I lost someone I cared about. I'm not laying on the ground, ready to give up on life, am I? " Foxpaw snapped, returning her attention to Yarrowpaw.
" If you don't get up, I'll drag you to the medicine cat den myself. " She took a step forward, nudging him roughly.
Well, he didn't really have a choice now, did he? Why was she so intent on getting him back to camp? Wouldn't it be better if he-
Teeth grabbed his scruff, heaving him upwards. Yarrowpaw scrambled at the ground weakly, letting out a noise of protest, which was ignored.
She was dead. Sleekwhisker was dead, and it was his fault.The medicine cat den was warmer than the ground by the stream. The moss was much more comfy than the cold snow, and Sleekwhisker was dead.
It always lead back to that. She was dead.
Foxpaw had brought him a mouse earlier. It lay untouched beside him. Sleekwhisker was dead. Gone. Because of him. Because of a fish.
He probably wouldn't be able to stomach a mouse. Foxpaw probably brought him it because somebody told her to. Why else would she? He killed Sleekwhisker, who she cared about. Who cared about her. Even when nobody else would.
Thistlepaw had come over to chat with him. He didn't respond to anything she said. Thistlepaw was just being nice. That's how she was. Him being the cause of Sleekwhiskers' death wouldn't change that.
A search patrol had gone out to find Sleekwhisker. They didn't even find a tuft of fur. Sleekwhisker was gone.
Now the sun was sinking. Not that it mattered. Yarrowpaw was just trying to keep his mind away from the fact that Sleekwhisker was gone. Dead. Not even a body to bury. All because of him.
First Leafpaw. Now Sleekwhisker. Yarrowpaw buried his face in his paws, shaking. Not from the cold this time.
Soon everyone would be sitting vigil. Except for him. He couldn't find it in him to force himself to his paws. Oakleaf had told him to stay in his nest.
First he caused Sleekwhiskers' death, then he can't even sit vigil for her.
It wasn't even a stream! It was more like a river! He didn't understand why everyone insisted on calling it that! It didn't make sense.
Voices were chatting outside. Yarrowpaw didn't even try to figure out who was speaking. There wasn't any point. Sleekwhisker was dead!
Dead! Dead! Dead! The words repeated themselves in his head. There was no escape! Yarrowpaws' breath came out in shaky gasps.
He struggled to his paws, before falling down. He shook his head, trying to remove his thoughts. Any of them. All of them. It didn't matter! They all looped back to the same thing!
Sleekwhisker was dead! Yarrowpaw lifted his head and scanned the den, trying to keep his mind away from that simple fact.
Two cats stood at the entrance of the medicine cat den. He shifted his gaze somewhere else. Darkkit and Quillfeather lay in the other two nests, and another nest lay off to the side, closer to the herb store. That nest belonged to Quillfeather.
A mouse lay in front of him, placed there by Foxpaw. A stray piece of moss lay close to his nest, alone. The ground at the back of the den was lower than the ground at the front, dug out to make more room.
Breathe. Yarrowpaw turned his gaze back to the cats chatting in front of the den. Oh. Oakleaf was speaking to Swiftstar. He let out a sharp exhale, bringing his paws closer to his body.
Don't assume it's bad. Even if it is, it just means that they're the mousebrain, not him. He fluffed up his fur, taking his gaze somewhere else.
Were they talking about Sleekwhisker? Yarrowpaw looked back towards the ground, flexing his claws in and out. Sleekwhisker was dead. The patrol hadn't found anything. Not even a tuft of fur.
The only noteworthy thing they found were some odd scents. Not a trace of Sleekwhisker. Not even a body. At least Leafpaw had something to bury! His breath hitched. Breathe.
Foxpaw left a mouse by him. She barely said anything. Thistlepaw brought him the news about Sleekwhisker when the patrol came back. The mouse lay untouched. Thistlepaw had given it a concerned look, but didn't say anything.
Usually that was something she'd point out, yet she said nothing about it. She eventually gave up after a bit and left. Talking wasn't doing anything anyways.
One of the herbs that Oakleaf had given him was thyme. To calm him down or something. He couldn't recall the others.
Thistlepaw preferred using defense in battles rather than offence, but always starts with offence. He didn't really know Foxpaws' preferred fighting style.
Thistlepaw said they'd probably get their warrior names soon. She was made an apprentice before him, but they'd probably become warriors together.
Not that there was a point in that anymore. Leafpaw should be getting her name with him! Sleekwhisker should be there too!
Sleekwhisker was dead and it was his fault.