"My, those were a few messed up mortal centuries!", Zeus exclaimed.
The legendary kings of old were no more and the last heroes had finally passed away; Menélaos and Helene, who had been granted a prolonged life, had died together and their souls had been carried away to Elysion, where many of their friends were waiting for them.
"Now that this mess is over, I think mankind should have a break – preferably several centuries."
"U-huh", Apollon agreed. "The Age of Heroes is over now. Soon the people who worship us will forget how to even write. The old cultures are dying."
"So they won't remember us? We will be forgot?", Hera asked, bewildered.
"Not really", Zeus soothed his wife. "We will remain in their collective memories. In a few centuries, they will relearn how to record things and stories. They will remember us again and this time, they will write about us. Mankind won't forget us, just where our worship came from and who we once were."
"But can't we just make them write everything down now, instead of letting them forget?", Athena objected.
Zeus shook his head. "No, my child. We have been meddling way too much lately. Humanity doesn't need us now, it needs rest. It needs time."
The goddess of wisdom sighed sadly, but didn't protest any further.
...
What were centuries to humans were but decades to the gods.
During that time, they focussed on their own lives.
And on their family.
Eris had damaged the bonds between the gods during the great war, but now it was time to repair their family ties.
Of course Eris and Ares' twin Enyo received a house ban; Zeus was now hundred percent done with the quarrelsome nature of his daughter and of the daughter of Nyx. Not only he – the other Olympians applauded, when he announced his decision.
...
It was a lot more peaceful and a lot more quiet.
Without Dionysos' constant partying it would have been too quiet.
It had been ten Olympian years now and Ares was still travelling the world.
Sometimes he wrote letters to them, but he wasn't much of a writer and his messenger bird needed a while to get to Olympos from wherever its master was.
None of the Olympians would have admitted, that they were happy about the war god's letters. Except for Aphrodite of course; she was quite openly joyful every time the divine vulture arrived with as many letters as it could carry in its talons.
Today was such a day.
They were holding council, when Iris came in.
Zeus rose from his throne. "Iris, this better be an emergency. You know that no one is allowed to disturb the council meetings of the Dodekatheoi, unless the matter is important."
Iris cleared her throat: "Forgive me, my king, but here is a letter from Ares."
The meeting was forgot instantly and everyone jumped up.
The eleven Olympians gathered around the rainbow-haired messenger, until Hera snatched the roll of papyrus from Iris' hand.
"Let us see it!", Aphrodite demanded.
"Everybody settle down!", Zeus commanded. "Hera, give the letter to me. Let's gather around Hestia's hearth and I will read it to you all."
So they all did.
Hestia eyed them curiously, as they all gathered around her warm and friendly fire.
"My dear sister, our goddess of the hearth", Poseidon spoke, "We want to have a little family moment in your peaceful presence."
Hestia smiled through her flame and it became just a little brighter, as her aura of domestic harmony spread out.
As they all sat down on the floor, Zeus unrolled the scroll and began to read:
"9th Maimakterion¹ (I think)
Dear family,
sorry for not having written to you in a while. Been kinda busy lately. I just arrived here. I'm being on the move a lot, so I don't stay in one place for long enough to have something to write about …"
Zeus huffed: "And he's not even telling us where he is!"
"Read on", Hera urged.
Her husband went on: "I'm kinda on the other side of the world right now. Kinda boring here in Polynesia –oh, so that's where he is –but it's fun to fly above the Pacific Ocean with the wind. The ocean is so huge, that I need ages to find the tiniest islands. And even longer to find islands where gods live. The communication is awkward, because I don't speak their language and vice versa. Worse, they seem to speak, if not a whole other language, then at least a different dialect on each island. Even using sign language is problematic sometimes. But they seem friendly enough and they do seem to understand the concept of host and guest exchanging presents. There are a few things I have memorised so far, mostly a bunch of prohibitions called Tapu². Some of them are pretty dumb, if you ask me. Then again, once I manage to tell them about my home land, they would probably think some of our traditions pretty stupid too (reasonably so, if you ask me). The peoples of Polynesia have no writing system and neither have their gods.³
So yeah. I'll be staying here for a few mortal decades. Boring as it is around here so far, it's also weirdly relaxing and maybe I will finally get the hang on those Polynesian languages and their culture, which is pretty similar between all these scattered islands (luckily for me). Perhaps then I'll be able to tell you guys more.
That's it.
Sorry for this letter being so short, but there really isn't much to write about right now (also I'm running out of writing material). Maybe I'll go to Australia next.
Sending you gifts from the indigenous gods. They may be simple compared to the last ones, but they were made with love, so you better appreciate them.
Lastly, I'm fine and hope you're too. I'll let you know, when I come to Australia and how long I will stay there, so you too can write to me and tell me how you're doing. I haven't heard from y'all in a while and … well, I just think about you guys a lot. Wish you were here.
Love and miss you all and wishing you happy early or late birthday, because I can hardly congratulate you all punctually.
Always yours, Ares."
Zeus rolled the letter up. "That's it. The letter really is way too short. Such a shame."
"Show us, what else he sent us!", Aphrodite demanded.
The King of the Gods rolled his eyes, but opened the magical bundle the letter had been attached to.
"Ah, look at that!", he cried, when he pulled out a huge-ass shell. "I think that one is for you, brother." And handed it to Poseidon.
The sea god laughed and cradled the shell in his lap.
Afterwards each and every of the Olympians received a present of some sort.
Athena grinned, when she was handed a harpoon.
"Don't even think about it!", Poseidon snarled.
"Too late!", the wisdom goddess smirked.
"Ah, this is also for you too, I think", Zeus said, when he fished out a bundle of scriptures written on tree bark, probably because Ares had run out of papyrus.
Athena skimmed over a few of them and smiled. Ares had sent her an account about what he had understood about the culture of the people there so far. How thoughtful of him.
"Here are a few recipes for Hestia – oh, he even has some gifts for Hades and Persephone! Flower seeds and … oh great, more of those creepy masks. Hades will love them."
"Did he not send anything for me?", Hephaistos inquired glumly.
Zeus searched through the package. "Doesn't look like – ah, here! 'Dear brother, sadly I haven't found a people that knows metal work so far, so have some photographs.'"
The divine smith beamed and took the stack of photographs.
"Show them to us, pleeeease!", Aphrodite begged.
Hephaistos handed them around, so the other gods could look at them too.
After the gods had passed the pictures around with lots of chatter, they each tucked their respective souvenirs away and sat in comfortable silence.
Eventually Aphrodite whispered: "I miss him so."
"Me too", Hephaistos agreed quietly.
"As do I", Hermes admitted. "Even though he calls me squirt and pipsqueak all the time."
Athena spied Zeus and Hera clasping each other's hand – they missed their son too, even though they didn't say it.
Even she herself did miss her prick of a half-brother.
It just seemed too quiet around here, even with Dionysos throwing a party at least once a week. It felt wrong, not seeing him every day, not hearing his dumb suggestions and annoying rambling about violence and the horrors of armed conflict, seeing his throne empty in the assembly … and having someone to spar with. She couldn't even train with Enyo, because the goddess of bloodlust and violence had a house ban (and Zeus was showing no sign of lifting it anytime soon).
Even not hearing the inevitable insulting nicknames felt off by now.
It was lonely without her volatile counterpart.
Not that she would admit it.
...
A few months later, the Olympians got a letter saying that he was in Australia.
"You wouldn't like it here", Ares wrote. "The part of the continent where I'm in is unbearably hot (the deserts of Egypt are a dream compared to that) and the gods around here are actually ancestral spirits, rather. They're really benevolent, but you wouldn't like their life style. They're nomads, which honestly is no wonder, because the great desert is … well, pretty damn dry, so staying in one place wouldn't make any sense. They live as hunters and gatherers, just like the mortals here do. Australia has a unique flora and fauna though. In other words, it's fine, if you're tough and can live without the comfort of our civilization.
Btw, I've heard stories about a rainbow snake, who is asleep during dry season and shouldn't be woken up from their slumber. I think I'm gonna wake them up."
A few weeks later, he updated them: "Waking up the Rainbow Serpent was a shitty idea. The indigenous gods and mortals are now pissed at my stupidity (and my disrespect). The Serpent was really pissed at being disturbed, caused one Tartaros of a thunderstorm and set the whole area underwater. But hey – this place really could use the rain."
The Olympians laughed; this was just such an Ares thing to do!
...
Not long after, they got a letter from the New World.
Ares was in South America and travelling up the continent. He would then move on to North America, he wrote, and once he was done there, he would cross the Atlantic and stay with the Norse gods for a while, before returning to Hellas and Olympos.
Zeus put the letter down and sighed: "I hoped that he would return to us right away, as soon as he's back on our continent."
The other Olympians nodded glumly.
But there wasn't much they could do; they couldn't keep Ares from visiting his old friends, especially when he was so far away.
...
A few Olympian years later, Ares had finally got his arse up to leaving the Americas and the first European pantheon he stayed with was the Norse one.
"Welcome, Ares, son of Zeus!", Óðinn greeted the Olympian. "Your father told us, that you were on a journey. I hope your travel was safe?"
"Yup!", Ares grinned. "Safe and fun! Sorry for just showin' up here, but thanks for havin' me anyways. So good to be here and see y'all! How're ya doin'?"
"Just fine, thank you", the one-eyed god replied.
"HOLY COW, ARES, IS THAT YOU?!"
Before Ares could respond, he was pulled into a bear hug by a giant of an As with flaming red hair and eyes.
"Hey, Þórr", Ares choked, squirming in the thunder god's embrace. He didn't worry about the three-quarters-Jötunn crushing him, but damn, he couldn't breath!
"Oh, sorry!", Þórr laughed sheepishly and put him down.
The Hellenic god gasped for air, before grinning from ear to ear. "Missed ya too, man!"
Ares, who wasn't exactly a small man either, still barely reached up to the Norse god's shoulder and had to stand on his tippy toes to hug the other back.
"What have you been up to?", Þórr asked.
"Travelling the world, meeting new people, seeing new places – oh, hey, Týr and Freyja!"
"'Sup", Týr responded and Freyja waved.
Óðinn cleared his throat: "Anyway, my friend, how about you settle down first? Let's find a place for you to stay. And once you have rested a little, how about we throw you a celebration worthy of a divine guest such as you?"
Ares beamed: "Awesome! Your hospitality is one of the greatest things around here – apart from your battle prowess, of course!", he added with a wink and everyone laughed.
He was received with all honours and it had been a while since he had felt home like this.
The panthea abroad had been nice and all, but their definition of hospitality was completely different, sometimes downright dubious. This was what he knew; the Germanic and Hellenic peoples had their hospitality in common. And the crazy parties of the Norse gods were right up his alley.
He had been invited to stay in the halls of Óðinn himself and that was fine with him. While the one-eyed god had his own brand of creepiness (which was reflected in his Kenningar: Raven God, Father of the Slain, Father of Victory, Hanged God, Foretelling God …⁴) he was a fine host … most of the time.
That evening he was laughing and dancing with his hosts (and watching out for a certain trickster, who likely would try to prank him).
A few of the gods were looking on in envy, as Ares danced wildly with Freyja, laughed heartily with Þórr and even had an arm wringing match with Óðinn (turned out the Allfather was a lot stronger than he looked) which ended in a draw.
There was some amusement, when Ares got into a little spat with Óðinn's blood-brother Loki.
The trickster had the tendency to roast everyone, when he was drunk – good to see, that this hadn't changed in all those centuries.
The Æsir just rolled with it, obviously having heard it all before.
Ares on the other hand (though he too was used to being roasted) had no intention to let it slide and perhaps escalate; this was a party, not an assembly or battlefield.
After a short banter with the trickster (that he lost, because even drunk Loki was more eloquent and witty than him), he just made short work of it and carried the smaller god off, to where he knew Loki's own house to be.
"Foxy jerk made trouble again?", Sigyn deadpanned, when she saw her drunk husband squirming on the taller god's shoulder.
"Just some roasting", Ares told her and dropped the fire giant unceremoniously. "Not really trouble. Still, I think he needs a nap."
"Sure does", Sigyn snarled.
Ares almost laughed, when the tiny goddess dragged Loki off, grumbling about how "the foxy jerk" made nothing but trouble and so on.
...
Olympos, 4th Poseideon⁵
My dear love,
thank you for telling us you're in Asgard.
Your children and I have been anxious, since you haven't written to us in a while.
We're doing okay and it's good to know that so are you.
We hope you have lots of fun in Asgard.
But you really should come home soon.
We miss you all so terrible, even your parents and – you won't believe it – even Athena misses you! Of course she would never admit that, but I know she does; women just know these things, you see. Things down on earth are starting to get interesting too. This one city in Italy, Rome is its name, is showing great ambition. The Italian gods are starting to get more ambitious too. Venus is a bit obnoxious at times and it pisses me off, because Aineías was my son, not hers! And don't get me started on Mars – I know, you hate him.
But to more pleasant things; the rest of our family is okay too, but your father has been very glum lately, I don't know why.
Hephaistos is working on improving his far-speakers and cameras even further, though he did that just last year. Oh well, I guess a genius is never truly satisfied.
Eris and Enyo are alright too, I think. At least Athena says so – she meets them more often than I do. Athena is in a bad mood, because she has no one to spar with – she's complaining that sparring with Enyo just isn't the same.
But I must go now, your mother is stress-baking again and I want to get at one of her delicious cakes.
I love you lots, we all do.
And we miss you.
Please be back soon, Ares.
In love, Aphrodite.
...
Ares grinned and tucked the letter into his magical bag.
"So Daddy's Owl misses me too, huh?"
1) Maimakterion: the Attic month from November to December. I allowed myself a small anachronism here, because the Attic calendar was likely invented just a bit later than where my story currently is. The Attic calendar is a lunisolar calendar and was used in Athens. The month Maimakterion is named after an epithet of Zeus.
2) Tapu: "Consecrated/Forbidden/Prohibited/Cursed" (also "tabu" or "kapu", the spelling and precise meaning depend on the region), the traditional prohibitions of the Polynesian peoples. The origin of the word "taboo".
3) The only known exception is the Rongorongo glyph system from the Easter Island, which hasn't been deciphered yet.
4) Those are genuine epithets of Odin.
5) Poseideon: the Attic month from December to January. I think you can guess who this one is named after.
Bonus: I sincerely apologise for my treatment of Australia. I had to write this from the POV of an entitled Greek god who is used to ... well, Greek culture. And the ancient Greeks were rather snobbish towards the rest of the world.