A/N: Thank you to all of you and the reviews you left on the work - Moor, Satsuma-chan, love-warmth-life, Yomigaeru, reader on a mission, TumultuousTea, Della-Avril, to name just a few. Really so many kind reviewers, even those leaving them long after I went on hiatus. To all of you, I am very humbled. Your words were very inspirational and gave me a bit more reassurance and confidence in attempting to continue this piece after 8 years. Without your words of encouragement, I probably would have just left this unfinished and kept my little vignettes of this story on google drive for my own eyes.
It's not worth the wait... Perhaps it would have been better to have left it to die, but out of all of my old work, this one beckoned the most to be heard like a siren in a storm. February was always meant to be a breather from Jan, although for part 2… I blame Madara.
To any newcomers, thanks for sticking with the story up till now. Excuse the long intro.
February
part 1
"What is up between you and my mom?" Sasuke asks. He hadn't even bothered with hello, or good evening, or do you need help shoveling your driveway because you look tired Sakura – like you haven't slept in several months. Are you ok?
To which, if Sakura were being truthful would be no. It's not that bad to be sure. The nightmares are going more than they come, she only breaks into sweats if there is a crashing noise, and as long as she gets home before dark she can walk in with ease. But that is the thing. She must get home before dark. She always pauses in her hallway, where the vase used to be. The deadbolts and locks fill her with a sense of longing for innocence and at bedtime she checks the house, three times like she has developed OCD. And sleep? She doesn't sleep anymore but she knows the count of blemishes on her ceiling.
Sakura isn't feeling particularly truthful, helpful, or deeming a conversation with Sasuke worthwhile. She's pretty much sworn off Uchihas. Today is Friday, the only thing she's committed to tonight is shoveling the snow so the HOA president across the street won't ring her doorbell at seven a.m. to nag.
"Long time no see," even though they live only several blocks away, "I'm doing well Sasuke, thanks for asking. How's Karin?"
He folds his arms, props a hip on her car she cleared off this morning to get to work. "We've broken up again, sure we'll be back together next week."
Instead of responding, with a loud scrape against pavement she loads her shovel and heaves it over her shoulder. She'd only gotten back together with one ex, Sai, and that had been the worst mistake of her life. Her second, helping Mikoto's brother.
She heaves another load, not even bothering to look and see if Sasuke's still there. She knows he is.
He gives a hn in displeasure. "You've somehow gotten yourself uninvited to my mother's soiree tonight. And she told me I'm to make sure you don't show."
"Oh no, not the soiree," Sakura mocks, she hadn't even thought of it to be honest. A bit surprising too. As a girl, it really would have hurt.
Mikoto hosted the closest thing to a gala Sakura had ever been to. To a teenager it had been like a Cinderella ball. Sasuke the prince. The Uchiha estate decked out in brilliant lights and several unknown musicians attempting to impress and sell albums in the large dining and living room cleared of furniture. But those days are long past, Sakura can barely be bothered to shrug out of pjs and go to the grocery store on weekends. She lifts weights once a week instead of enjoying jogs daily or more strenuous exercise. She doesn't even have the energy to deal with this conversation.
"My mother, as far as I know, has never uninvited anyone; not even my cousin Ichika who poured a glass of wine over my mother's head." He's still posing on her car as if it's his, bundled in a thick black coat with a brown furry hood. A purple scarf peeks out under his chin, but he still has his arms curled around himself like he's cold.
She straightens and looks Sasuke in the eyes. As far as she knew, Madara had set the story straight.
"I've no idea why your mother is mad at me." Not now anyway, her patience and energy too used up to give it more thought. She goes back to scooping snow.
"You've no idea?"
"That is what I just said." She flings the snow further than she intends, wasting extra energy but she's at her boiling point.
"I tell my mother I'm going to bring you to the gathering, and she flips, and you don't know why?"
No. He. Didn't. Sakura swings the shovel, almost hitting Sasuke in the face with it. He looks at the metal with widening eyes.
"That," Sakura hisses, "That is why your mother is angry at me." And of course, Sasuke would plus one her because Karin and he broke up. She's his backup girlfriend.
"Because?" He raises a brow, clearly missing the very thing he'd just said.
"Every time you break-up, you use me as a replacement. Family gatherings, soirees."
"You're my best friend, a female and you're dating someone so anyone who knows us doesn't mistake us for going out. If I go alone to this thing, I'll get harassed to dance all night. I can't bring Naruto, he's married so it's not like he can be a wingman and worse, he will want to dance all night. You wear super tall heels and only have five dances in you. I figured you were going, you always go. So we'd go together so only one of us needed to drive."
That had to be the most Sasuke had spoken all month judging by the way his voice went dry at the end. Sakura just wants to slam her head against a wall. She lets the shovel drop back to the ground and she leans on it for support. Naruto is supposed to be the thick-headed one. But she is very confused. "Who am I supposed to be dating?"
Sasuke tilts his head in confusion. "You and Sai are in a long-distance relationship, right?"
Her eyes narrow. "Sai and I broke up six years ago."
Sasuke raises his brows, "Naruto said something, I just thought you two had gotten back together."
Her reaction is immediate. "Sai and I are never getting back together." What in the world had Naruto said to give that impression? But before she can recover from the strange revelation, Sasuke starts up again.
"Even if Karin were going, we'd still carpool together."
No, they would not, because Sakura wouldn't be a third wheel.
"Think about it." No, she holds up a finger. That wouldn't get the point across to Sasuke. "Think of it from your mother's perspective."
"We're just friends."
She looks over at him. What world did he live in? "Friends that dated in high school."
"We didn't do anything, we barely pecked each other on the cheek," he rolls his eyes.
No, they'd almost gotten third base. How Sasuke managed to forget the horror of Naruto interrupting them is beyond her. "Sasuke, your mother walked in on us with your tongue down my throat."
His face flushes a dark crimson, clearly, he'd forgotten that bit and a lot more. "Well, shit."
She laughs, understatement of the century.
"We are just friends."
"I'm well aware." Although, she's a convenient friend to have as a plan b to any social function according to Sasuke. That cuts her laugh a bit short. She gets it. She tends to use Sasuke whenever she needs a fire alarm battery changed, the ones she couldn't reach even on her ladder. But the fickle way they use each other strikes a chord. Are they really friends or just convenient acquaintances?
"Look, I'll just call my mom-"
"No," Sakura quickly corrects him. "I'm not going to the soiree. Call Karin, make up with her by taking her out."
"She'll want to dance all night."
She doesn't have the energy for this. "Compliment her on picking high heel shoes. Tell her they make her ass look fantastic. Then don't let her take them off at the party." Sakura pitches the terrible idea by dropping into a convincing whisper, "She'll even want to go home early."
"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic." Sasuke sighs, "Why can't you come?"
Because the host doesn't want her there, she would rather not be around Uchihas and more importantly, she's tired. "I do not want to go."
"I got that part, I asked why." His dark eyes seem to pin her in place, his brows touch as if finally noticing something amiss. "Are you ok?"
Now he asks? She sighs, "I've not been sleeping well. I'm going to turn in early."
His look lingers. "You do look like hell."
"Thanks," she bites out.
"Are you sick, do you need some meds?"
"I just haven't slept." Not in months.
He extends out his hand.
She raises a brow, "What?"
"Shovel," He motions with his fingers to hand it over, the snow glove material swishing at the movement. "I'll do the rest."
"I got it," she refuses the offer, turning her back to him.
But like most Uchihas, he doesn't take no as an answer. He leaves the car and grabs the shovel from her. When she sputters trying to grab it back, he dodges out of her reach.
Sakura doesn't have the energy to fight, and a part of her is grateful for the reprieve. She tugs back on her own pink snow jacket over her long-sleeve shirt. She'd taken it off earlier when she'd overheated from the work. She then plops on the car hood to watch him finish.
He's terrible at shoveling snow, but he sticks to it.
Sasuke has a tell though. He nibbles on his lower lip when nervous. As he nears completion of the task the more pronounced it becomes, until finally it's more of a bite to draw blood.
"What's really up, Sasuke? I'm sure you didn't come over about the dinner party, you'd use the excuse of a break-up to not attend."
He gives a snort, "Trust me, come hell or high water, I must attend. I'd have to have a car accident to get out of going to my mother's party." He doesn't stop shoveling, but he stops nibbling. He looks up at Sakura. "I need someone to chat with. And you're the only one I know who wouldn't get weird about it. So, I was looking for an excuse to lock you in a car with me."
She laughs.
He gives her a small grin in return before the smile drops as he finishes. He leans the shovel against the garage door. Then he pops himself up on the hood beside her and leans back to look up at the gray sky.
She leans back as well, but her gaze doesn't leave his pinched face. If silence wasn't the norm, she'd be more worried. What did he think everyone else would get weird about?
He takes a deep breath before turning to finally look at her.
"Do you think I'd make a good dad?"
The question stuns her. Out of all the things she thought he'd want to talk about, that hadn't been it. Her mind races for an answer but only more questions pop into her head.
He gives a long sigh and turns his gaze back up to the sky. "That bad, huh?"
She must say something, so the question at the top of her mind pops out. "Is Karin pregnant?" Why did he break up with her if she was? Comes in close second.
He gives a full laugh then turns back to her. "What? No."
She smacks him on the shoulder hard enough to make him gruff. "That's normally what people ask when their girlfriends are pregnant. Give me a moment to recover. I thought I was about to become an Auntie."
He covers his mouth to keep his laughter in, but it doesn't dampen his sound of mirth.
"So, you just want to know, hypothetically, if you'd make a good dad?"
Sasuke's lips return to a line that he nibbles on. He doesn't 'hn' like she expects. "I want the truth. Give it to me straight."
Sakura takes some time to mull it over. She breathes in the crisp cold air deeply to wake up as she muses. She hadn't considered Sasuke as a dad since her first year of high school when they'd dated. At that point, she hadn't really understood what it would take. She considers it now, her work with adolescents and their parents. She compares the adults to Sasuke. Sasuke had his flaws but… "You'd make a great dad."
His dark eyes narrow. "I don't need platitudes. I want the truth. Naruto would be a great dad. I would be…" he stops then and shrugs his shoulders. He looks back up at the sky. "I don't know what I would be."
Sakura considers this for a moment, "To be honest, I'd be far more worried about Naruto as a dad than you. But don't tell him that."
Sasuke whips his head back to her, surprise evident. "What do you mean?"
"A fun parent doesn't always make for a good parent, Sasuke. Naruto is… Well, it depends a bit on the kid. If Naruto's kid doesn't turn out to be his replica, there is going to be some real trouble. A low energy or high introvert living fulltime with Naruto, who'd no doubt pressure them to do the best in everything and give 110% — well, I can almost guarantee by fifteen the kid will be on anti-anxiety medications." She has seen it countless times and has prescribed several of her patients to treat just that circumstance.
"And you think I'd do better?"
"You will let your kid develop their own interest. You won't run them ragged. Your household may not be exciting, but calming
is a good thing with kids. And, unlike Naruto and Hinata, you've good family to fall back on within a twenty-minute drive." A family that's only good to family. But she isn't going to involve Sasuke in the dispute. "It's a joke, but there is some meaning behind it. Sometimes it does take a village. And it's not just about grandparents babysitting, it's about you being able to ask them for advice on how to parent. Naruto's family is gone, and Hinata's parents…" Hinata never said anything, but Neji had. "I think it was the best thing for her to move out when she did."
Snowflakes begin to descend in small little specs, with some distaste Sakura notes its sticking again. More work for tomorrow.
"So, what would be the worst kid for me?"
Sakura sighs, "There is no worst kid."
"Well, my opposite or what not."
Sakura sits up, cracks her back, and looks down at Sasuke. Snowflakes cling to his eyelashes and his black orbs stare at her, waiting.
"Probably one that wants verbal affirmation."
He sits up. "What is that?"
"You know, you need to converse with and regularly say things like 'I love you', 'I am proud of you', 'you did a great job' - that kind-of thing. It can't be fake or fallacies, but they need to literally hear you speak words to feel love. They also are the ones that if you say 'Dope' or 'Stupid' it'll stick with them. It just means that verbal communication holds a lot more weight than, say, you giving them gifts or spending time with them."
His brows squinch, "That's a thing?"
Sakura laughs, "Yes, that's a thing."
"What if I can't tell they are one of those?"
Sakura rolls her eyes, "I'll let you know, I promise. I will make sure to offer my unasked-for, non-parenting opinion."
His lips tilt up a fraction. "Yeah?"
"Yes, that's what friends are for." They are friends, aren't they? You don't ask acquaintances for this kind of input.
Sasuke snorts, "You're pretty much family at this point, as far as I'm concerned. You know that right?"
She can only raise her brows at this. It's not the first time he's alluded to it, but she doesn't really believe it.
He then turns his head down, before looking back up to meet her gaze. "Which is why it's so weird for my mother to uninvite you."
Not this again. She redirects him back to the topic at hand before he can really get going. "What brought this on anyway? Are you and Karin considering kids?"
Had that been what they were arguing about?
Sasuke shifts, legs crossing away from her. "No, that's the thing. Karin doesn't want kids. We'd never really talked about it much. I just assumed she didn't want kids now, but she doesn't want a family - not ever. I've always imagined a kid or two. I don't even need them to be my blood you know; I'd be happy to even adopt." His frown deepens. "We argued about it, and she said it didn't matter anyways, I would make for a bad dad. And I don't know. I always thought I'd at least be passable."
Sakura opens her mouth, but he raises his hand to stop her.
"I know it was said in the heat of the moment. I just needed someone else's opinion on the matter and the last thing I need is Naruto sending me balloons from a misunderstanding that I'm having a kid. Or he'd think my question meant that he could drag me to Lamaze classes with him whenever Hinata gets pregnant."
Sakura tilts her head back to laugh at that, imagining Sasuke as a third wheel to such a class. Naruto would do it too. Sasuke's soured face surrounded by hopeful round belly couples in pastels makes her laugh louder.
Sasuke pokes her on the shoulder. "Don't you dare suggest it to him."
She laughs until tears come to her eyes. The temptation is almost too much. Goodness, how long had it been since she'd really laughed? It felt like ages. "Just breathe Sasuke, one-two-three-"
Sasuke bends over and laughs silently.
When they both are done Sasuke coughs to clear his throat. "Just so you know. I think you'd make a great mom, Sakura."
When she'd been in high school she'd dreamed of this moment, but it just left a sour taste in her mouth now. Years of experience, she knows better. She made up her mind years ago. She forces a smile to her face. "Thank you. I'm not planning to have kids, but I'm sure I'll make an excellent Auntie."
Sasuke blinks in surprise. "No kids?"
"No kids."
She can see he wants to say more, he's pulling the words round and round in his head. She looks up at the darkening sky. "If you are planning to make the soiree you better start getting ready."
Sasuke looks at his phone for the time and curses. "I do have to go."
He starts to head back, trucking down her driveway, shoulders straighter than when he'd arrived.
She knows she shouldn't get involved, but she can't help herself. "Sasuke," she calls out.
He turns back around.
"Before you get back together with Karin or what not." Really, she wants to scream, don't, at the top of her lungs. Differing on such a topic is a big red flag for any relationship, but she knows better than to say that. "You should really think about what you want in life. Having a family or not, it's a big deal. If you disagree on it, one of you may resent the other with whatever you end up with. You need to have a serious talk with her about it, get on the same page." She then gives a wink, "Maybe you should take a chance at the party to ask some single ladies what their thoughts are on having a family."
Sasuke looks horrified, jaw slack, face paling.
"Just think, they won't ask you to dance again. And if they are ok with it, maybe you've found the one for you."
"You're insane," he tells her, throwing her a wave goodbye and taking off again.
"Drive safe," she calls out and he returns it with a thumbs up.
Her Friday night is planned to be music free, dancing free and full of bath bubbles.
She puts her shovel back on her front steps and goes in for the night. She locks up and begins dinner, something simple, a vegetable stew that she lets simmer as she watches some television. After dinner she finishes several more programs, knowing even if she were to take her bath now, she still wouldn't sleep. No matter how tired she is, she can't sleep.
But night comes.
She goes through her routine of checking every lock on the window and door in the house several times, walking a giant circuit thrice. And then she's ready to go upstairs and start her bath.
She makes it to the top stair when her doorbell rings. She hesitates, hands gripping the walnut railing. If she goes back down, unlocks the door, and says hello, she will walk the circuit again. She waits there, hoping they'll leave. A minute passes, then two.
The doorbell rings again.
Slowly she descends, making sure to stay quiet as her heart thrums in her chest. The lights downstairs are off, reminding her far too much of her night of terror. She doesn't flick the light switch on though, she doesn't want to signal to the visitor she's here.
She presses her hands against the door and peeks through the peephole.