January 10, 1975 - Hogwarts

Severus settled back into his normal routine of classes quite easily, happy to have something to occupy his time with. He'd talked to Slughorn last night when he'd arrived back, and they'd both agreed to continue their potions lab arrangement, which pleased him to no end. Honestly, he didn't know why Slughorn would have chosen not to - after all, Severus cut his work load by almost half basically for free - but still, he'd been relieved that nothing had changed. He wondered now, whether he'd have enough time after dinner to brew the Stargrass Salve for Remus…

He glanced up to the Gryffindor table, finding his werewolf friends easily. Though Remus sat away from him, Severus noticed easily the signs of a coming full moon; the animation and jitteriness that was quite unusual to his normally reserved and calm friend.

He wondered, however, what Remus was so excited about.

Unbidden, his eyes drifted further left across the table of red and gold. There, surrounded by all her Gryffindor friends sat Lily, chattering excitedly and waving her hands about, as she no doubt regaled all her dorm mates with stories of the past holidays.

Severus couldn't suppress the quirk of his lips at the sight. It was something he loved about Lily, the brightness in her that made her the center of every room, no matter who else was present. He couldn't wait to say hello to her in class today. Maybe he'd even invite her to the lab, if she wanted.

He frowned slightly, his gaze catching the glare of one of the girls surrounding Lily for a split second. McKinnon? What was she doing there? She and Lily weren't friends. In fact, he was sure Lily had rebuked her offers to spend time together many times, on account of her awful behaviour towards both him and Cassiopeia. Why wouldn't she do so now?

He shook it off, resolving to ask Lily after dinner, and went back to his food - even if the frown didn't leave his face for quite some time.

"Lily?" he called, running up to the lone girl as she made her way to Gryffindor Tower. She paused and turned, giving him a strained half-smile.

"Sev. It's nice to see you."

He smiled slightly, falling in line next to her as they walked up the stone corridor. Somewhere far off behind him he could hear the chatter of the other students, but both of them had left dinner slightly early, so they were still alone.

"It's nice to see you too. I… missed you, over the holidays."

Lily blushed, her pink-nailed hand rising to tug at a strand of her hair. "Me too."

They walked in silence for a bit, neither sure what to say. Severus' mind whirred as he tried to think of a way to phrase his question, not wanting it to seem like he was attacking his girlfriend. Or maybe worse, accusing her.

"Lily…" he started then trailed off, and the girl glanced at him curiously. "I was wondering… you and McKinnon…"

"Yes, what about Marlene and I?" she asked, her steps slowing until she was almost standing. "Is there a problem?"

Defensive at her tone, Severus scowled. "Why are you two talking like you're suddenly best friends? You know what she's like."

"Do I?" Lily asked coldly, her previously friendly demeanor seeming to disappear. "Sirius introduced us, and she's not at all like you described her. In fact – "

"So now you trust Sirius Black's word over mine?" he interrupted incredulously.

"I don't," she denied immediately, "but I wanted to see for myself. She said she's sorry for the things she's done."

"Sorry?" he laughed humorlessly. "How come then she's never apologized to Cassie and I?"

"I don't know," Lily answered curtly. "But she's a good friend, and she's promised to stop being mean."

"Is that how you'd describe what Black does too? Trying to kill me is just 'being mean'?"

"Stop lying. He said it was just a prank, that there was no chance of you getting hurt," Lily said, though she didn't sound completely confident.

Betrayed, Severus turned from Lily, unable to look her in the eyes. "And you believe him?"

"Why would he lie to me? He was very nice to me over Yule – " she broke off, realizing what she's just said.

"You snogged him," Severus stated stiffly, his mind going blank as he fought to keep his emotion behind the thin walls he'd constructed.

Lily didn't answer for a second, her cheeks going a deep red. "Sev–"

The numbness snapped, suddenly filling him with the deep, vicious urge to hurt Lily just as much as she had him. He met her eyes, coal-black to emerald green, daring her to say more. "You should know then, that Cassiopeia kissed me."

Hurt flashed across Lily's face, her red brows furrowing and her full lips turning down. Severus almost smiled in satisfaction. Good. Let her feel that way.

"Sirius kissed my cheek and gave me a gift, Severus," Lily replied angrily, seeming to recover her composure. "A much better one than yours, I might add."

"And you let him. Good, you two deserve each other," he replied viciously. "You may want to know, though, while he's courting you, he's trying to stick his cock in Cassie."

"We haven't even kissed properly," Lily shrieked. "But you– you're just a disgusting cheater, and she's a whore - just like everyone thought."

"You're the one who started the rumor; you know it's not true," Severus retorted sharply. "You know what– fine. Go off and have your little fling with Black; see how long it lasts. You know his family won't let him go for a Muggleborn like you."

Lily froze, her tone turning icy. "If that's how you see me, then good for you. You won't have to lower yourself to date me any longer," she sneered. "I never want to see you again, Snivellous."

His voice caught in his throat at her declaration, his fingers curling in confusion and betrayal at his side. Several long seconds later, when he could finally speak, he called out to her desperately - but she was already gone.

Severus walked to the Slytherin common room as if in a haze, the sounds of the students and portraits around him not seeming to register in his head. He felt numb, disconnected from reality - as if this was all a bad dream that would end as soon as he managed to wake himself up.

Almost before he had realized it, he'd shut himself in his dorm, ignoring the calls from his friends to come talk to them. Taking out his wand from his robe, he locked the door and warded it against intruders, pouring all of his energy into the spells. Several wards later, he had exhausted both his knowledge and his strength, and he slumped against the door, his head falling back against the wood.

Time seemed to slow around him as he contemplated the past half-hour. When had things gone so wrong?

Sirius Black.

The name allowed a spike of anger to penetrate through the haze, flickering against his skin painfully like a jolt of electricity. That wretched constant in his miserable life, coming back to taunt him once again.

Of course he'd try to sway Lily from him. Lily was bright, beautiful, popular. Black wanted to covet her person for himself - it was obvious; malcontent with his declared enemy possessing something which he did not have.

Black had money. Looks. Charm. Popularity. Girls. And now he had Lily.

Did she even care about the pain she had caused him? Lily had known that he didn't have much money to his name, that he couldn't afford expensive gifts. She hadn't cared before, he remembered, content and joyful with his gifts of self-crafted jewelry, potions, and the like. He hadn't taken her for materialistic, yet how else was he to interpret her words?

And that name…

Severus breathed harder, battling to fight down the feelings arising in him. That hated nickname, coming from the lips of one of his best friends…

She must have known how deeply that would hurt. But he wouldn't allow it to. He would not–

His nails pressed into his palms, creating tiny pinpricks of pain. It distracted him, and he felt that he could breathe again; preventing himself from getting lost in his memories.

If only he had stayed at Hogwarts, he would've been able to stop Black from sinking his dirty claws into her. It had to be his influence causing her to act this way; this was not the Lily he knew– and loved.

If only…

And Cassie. Lily hadn't even been so angry before he'd clumsily spilled the not-secret he'd been keeping for the past few months. He shouldn't have shouted it in anger, should have explained. Better yet, he wished he hadn't had to say anything at all.

And wasn't it her fault, that he'd left Hogwarts, that he'd allowed Lily to be swayed from him?

Now turning his ill humor to his friend, consciously or not, Severus felt the anger blossoming in his chest, the fiery emotion rising through his body. If only she hadn't kissed him then, if only she hadn't forced him to follow her everywhere–

Cassiopeia curled up in her bed, a book between her hands in an effort to distract herself. Severus had been angry this evening - unusually so, it seemed - and though she'd wanted to seek him out, to comfort him, Aurora had advised her against it.

"He needs some time alone, Cassie. He's even warded the door - I've never seen him do that before. I don't think any of us would be able to break through if we tried. We'll talk to him tomorrow, hmm?"

She'd reluctantly agreed, slinking into her dorm rooms and hoping that morning would come sooner than later. Unfortunately, she'd been unable to sleep - yet again - even after confirming the crown to be secure beneath her bed . She was too worried, too anxious - unsure what she'd done wrong; unsure whether she had done anything wrong.

What if Severus's still angry in the morning?

She'd shaken her head against the unwelcome thoughts, grabbing Althaia's book from her bedside, in the hopes of exhausting herself into sleep. She'd flipped open to a random page near the back, her hands folding back the creased paper that must have been at least a couple of decades old.

An hour later, her eyes just starting to flutter closed, Cassiopeia allowed herself to read just one more paragraph.

Patroni are a reflection of one's soul; the best parts of one's self, personified. Their shapes are deeply symbolic, each animal specifically chosen to fit one's soul. To know your Patronus is to know thyself deeply, and thus not all manage to discover it.

That's nice, she smiled sleepily to herself, the book slipping from her fingers and onto the floor. Wonder what mine's gonna be like...

•••

Thank you for reading, and for sticking by me all this time. I really appreciate everyone's support, and especially silentmayhem's, whose help has been indispensable. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well, and thank you again for being so wonderful. I hope you all have a great day :)