Chapter 4:
"I see ye still have the touch with the wee bairns, Jamie," Jenny said as they were gathered around the fire later that night.
"Ah, he is a braw lad indeed, Young Jamie," Jamie smiled at his nephew. "Though I dinnae ken how yer old enough to have a bairn," he teased.
"Or that Ma is old enough to be a granny," Young Ian laughed.
"That's enough out of ye," Jenny clucked at her youngest.
Jamie rocked the baby, who had started to fuss a bit and then went to sit next to Eleanor on the settee. She smiled at Jamie and then at the baby, who had kicked his feet out of the blanket. She lightly touched the bottom of the feet, "His feet are cold," she told him.
"Could ye help?" Jamie asked, lightly, not waiting for a reply, but handing the baby to her.
Eleanor juggled the baby and laid him in between the two of them and expertly rewrapped the baby, "There you are." She picked the baby back up and gave him a quick snuggle before handing him back to Jamie, "he seems happier now."
She caught Murtagh's eye, but Jenny interceded, "I think it is time for the wee un to go back to his Mama."
Young Jamie rose, "I agree."
Jamie rose and handed the baby back to his father, "Tell Joan she has given ye a fine lad."
"I will indeed," Young Jamie told his uncle before taking his leave.
Jamie went over to pour more wine and Jenny joined him, "I told ye to ask, not to trap her, Jamie."
"She'll be fine," Jamie murmured, but poured another glass for his wife.
He walked back over to hand it to her, sitting again next to her.
"Thank you," Ellie said as she took a sip of the wine.
"Uncle Jamie," Ian went to sit at his uncle's feet, "Tell me a story from when ye were a lad."
"Ach, Ian," Jamie chided, "ye have heard them plenty of times."
"But Auntie hasn't and I ken she wants to," Ian said seriously. "Murtagh, will ye please if Uncle Jamie willna?"
"What does Auntie think?" Murtagh asked, "Is Young Ian right, do ye want to hear a story?"
Ellie looked at Young Ian, then at Jamie, then glanced at Jenny and Ian before turning to Murtagh, "I would actually. I have a feeling that Jamie has a boy was quite mischievous."
Jenny snorted, "That's putting it mildly. Da had him over the fence post more time than naught."
"Now, Jenny," Jamie gave his sister a look, "I'm sure Eleanor doesn't want to hear about all of that."
Ellie took a long sip, "Sure do."
Young Ian laughed, "See, Uncle Jamie, I told ye Auntie Ellie would want to."
"You could tell about your childhood," Jamie looked at her. "I'm sure ye got into a fair bit of mischief."
"Me?" Ellie held up her hands innocently, "I was a good wee lass, I assure you."
"Well," Jamie looked mock-offended, "I supposed ye must then, a story for young Ian, just nothin too off putting for Eleanor."
Jenny turned to Murgagh, "Go on, ye tell them better than I."
Murtagh then launched into a twisted, humorous tale of Jamie's youth that involved an almost drowned cat that made the whole room, including Ellie, roll with laughter.
"Oh my, Jamie," Ellie giggled, "Your poor mom had her hands full. I can't even imagine. Did she think it was funny?" she asked Murtagh.
"Aye, lassie," Murtagh smiled at her with a wink, "Ellen appreciated her son's antics when he wasn't looking."
"I would have had a hard time being stern," Eleanor admitted.
"Ye don't want ye children out of hand," Jenny said, "so ye put on the face that ye must for the own good, ye ken?" She rose, "Speaking of that," she said dramatically, "Time for bed, me bhobains. Say goodnight to yer papa and uncle and auntie."
One by one, Jenny's kids gave the adults in the room hugs. The adults spent another few hours chatting and reminiscing, enjoying each others company, before headed to bed themselves.
Later that night, Ellie was twisted around trying to loosen the laces to her corset when Jamie walked in.
She groaned in frustration as she fumbled with it and he chuckled at her plight, "Ye'll get the hang of things, lass, but in the meantime, allow me to help."
"I should be able to do so myself," she twisted around to face him, her hand still wrangling with the laces round her back.
"Aye," Jamie said as he approached her, putting his large hands on her shoulders, "but I canna fault ye, these are confounding things at times," he turned her around before she could protest and began to work on them. "There ye are."
"Ah, that feels so much better," Ellie said as she got relief from the constricting garment. Jamie took it off her and tossed it on the chair.
"Ye wore it to bed last night."
Ellie turned around, rubbing her ribs, which were sore. "Yes," she said sheepishly, "I was so tired."
"I see," Jamie's eyes wandered to her chest, which her cleavage was hanging out of her shift. Ellie quickly tugged at the fabric at her shoulders, to make sure it was hanging well above her chest.
"Sorry about that," she mumbled, a pink twinge creeping up on her cheeks.
"Well, it's nothin I haven't seen before consider I've been marrit," Jamie said, mindful to keep his voice light.
"Not like there is much to see," the flush deepened, "Oh God, I don't why I'm so embarrassed by this." She formed a fist with her trembling hands and began to rub her cheeks.
"No bother," He reached out to lightly touch her arm and then looked in her eyes, "Eleanor, I need to tell ye somethin."
"You look serious," Eleanor titled her head, but his expression was enough to distract her.
"Aye," he nodded. "May we talk?"
"Of course," Ellie said, sitting on the bed, sitting on her leg and pulling up another one to rest her chin on it. "Okay, what's up?"
He laughed for a moment, "Is that comfortable for ye?"
"Yes, but as I am getting older, my leg starts to fall asleep. It's habit from when I was a teenager and in college," she paused, "my leg gets prickly and..."
"I ken yer meaning," he said, with a smile as she shifted to sitting crossed legged on the bed, "My eyesight is starting to fail, but yer awfully young for such things."
"Not so much younger than you, Jamie," Eleanor said seriously, "but I also had the benefits of 21st century life."
"Aye, and there is that," Jamie said, "how are ye doin now we are at Lallybroch?"
"I'm fine," Eleanor said, "Your sister has been welcoming and supportive. I feel like she wants to get to know me and if I can somehow figure out my 18th century life without giving away that I am hopelessly lost then I think she and I will get along well. I'm already learning alot just be watching her. She really is an amazing women, Jamie. I don't know how she does all of this."
"She is a good lass," Jamie nodded, "And I ken that she sees somethin similar in ye. She kens yer lost and she wants to help. Dinnae fear to ask. I explained how different yer life was in the colonies and since Janet hasn't been outside this area, she takes me at my word."
"And the fact that you are her beloved brother," Eleanor pointed out.
"Aye," Jamie paused in his pacing, "I understand we were only handfasted and didnae have the benefit of a priest to wed us, but still, lass, I take my vow to ye seriously. It was made before God."
"I understand that. I mean, I don't understand why, but I understand that you are serious about this. I am too, though my heart is torn in a million different directions."
He nodded, "Then I must tell ye somethin."
"Go ahead," she nodded, listening attentively to his words."But why don't you sit? All your pacing is making me nervous."
"Aye," Jamie went to sit on the chair, pulling off his boots and then walked over to sit on the bed, his feet up.
She turned to face him from her perch on her side close to the end, her legs still crossed.
"When I sent Claire back through those stones to her own time, she was carryin my child."
Eleanor let out her breath, "You have a child in the 20th century."
"Aye, and I dinnae even ken if it is a lad or a lass, only that I have me babe somewhere out there," he stared past her for a moment, deep in his thoughts.
"That must be so difficult," Eleanor said, tears welling up, "Jamie, I am so sorry."
Jamie forced his attention back onto her.
"It was safer for her and the babe. I had to do what I must. I didnae think I would live and when I did..." his voice trailed off, "well, it dinnae matter now. They are safe and I will have done it again, Eleanor. I also have a son."
Her eyebrows shot up, "After Claire?"
"Aye, his mother was the daughter of my employer. She died birthin the babe."
"Where is he?"
"He is with his aunt and a dear, trusted friend of mine. Lord John Grey."
She paused, "You don't seem like the kind to just sleep with your boss's daughter, Jamie."
"Nah," Jamie said, "but I dinnae wish to speak ill of her, lass. She did what she felt she must. And I did what I thought I must. But the lad is safe. Jenny doesn't even ken about him."
"What's his name?"
"William. Willie. He is the 9th Earl of Ellesmere, but he is also my bastard."
She let out another breath, "So you have two babies that you cannot be a father to."
"Aye."
"But you are so good with your nieces and nephews," She wiped at her eyes, "That must be so hard. You would be a great father."
"Thank ye," he scooted himself closer to her so he could reach out and put a large hand on her knee, "Just as I am certain ye are a good mother to yer babes."
Eleanor's intake of breath was sharp. She had stilled herself and grown pale.
Jamie's hand was heavy on her knee but he did not remove it.
"Oh God," Eleanor closed her eyes tightly, "Did Murtagh tell you?"
"Murtagh?" Jamie asked, shocked. "Did ye tell Murtagh?"
"No, of course not," Ellie said, opening her eyes, "he figured it out."
He nodded his acceptance, "Murtagh seems to have a keen sense when it comes to ye, lass. But no, it was my sister. She saw ye with wee Henry and the children outside."
"You must think I am awful for keeping it from you," Eleanor said quickly as she sniffled, "I just didn't want to face it."
"Is that why ye spent hours at the stones?"
"Yes, to think I can never see my children again, Jamie, it's unbearable unless I just push it to the side. Try not to think about it, to feel, but when I picked up Henry or when I am around the other children, it's not so easy to do."
Jamie patted her knee and then went to go pour her a drink of water. He sat on the end of the bed and patted the spot next to him. "Come and talk to me."
Eleanor twisted her legs around and dangled them over the edge as she took the glass from Jamie and drank it. He took it back from her and placed it on the floor.
"Now then," His hand moved back to her knee, "Tell me about yer wee uns, Eleanor." There was something about his tone that told Eleanor that it wasn't a question, but a command. Eleanor had a feeling as she watched Jamie for the past few days that while her new husband was more progressive for his time, he still was a 18th century highlander and wasn't to be trifled with when he was determined. And he did have the grace to start with his own story before demanding hers. She took a breath.
"Henry," she swallowed hard when her voice cracked, "but we call him Harry, is five. He started school this year much to his chagrin."
"The boy doesn't like his lessons?"
"No," Eleanor laughed as she cried, "I kept telling him don't you want to learn how to read like mama teaches other children and he would tell me, 'No, reading is boring.'
"Well, I canna fault the lad," Jamie laughed. "What does Harry look like?"
"He has my eyes and thick dark brown hair." She swallowed again, "And there is Charlotte- beautiful brown eyes and a mop of curls. She is three, but acts more like a teenager especially when she thinks I wronged her."
Jamie's eyes widened, "Really now?"
"Oh yes," she nodded. "They are so bright, but they are both quite the handfuls. Tempers, tantrums, strong willed, don't care much for my opinion of things. But they are sweet and kind and just adorable. They love to be held and cuddled." The tears flooded over, "What are they going to do when it is bedtime and I am not there to sing to them and rock them and insist they keep getting back in their bed? Will they think I abandoned them? That I didn't care?" She broke. "There is no hope that I will ever see them again."
Jamie immediately put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his chest. "Go ahead and get it out, Eleanor."
He held her as she cried, speaking to her in low tones, in gaelic, the forbidden language, but even though Eleanor could not understand, she was comforted. Her sobs eased into quiet hiccups and when finally she had quieted, he gently eased her away from him.
"If yer husband loved ye, he willna let yer babes think ye abandoned them."
Eleanor grew paler, "We had an awful fight before I went to the stones to think. I said horrible things that I did not mean about how I couldn't handle being married anymore. I did not mean it, Jamie, but give my disappearance, Will probably thinks I did."
Jamie wiped her tears with the pad of his thumb, "Ach, lass, ye been marrit for ten years, dinnae ye think yer husband kens you better than that. I have only ken ye five days and I ken ye would never willingly abandon yer marriage and babes."
She swallowed hard, "I have an awful temper at times, Jamie. I get anxious and worry and then I just lash out or shut down. I'm not easy to live with."
"That dinnae mean ye would leave the ones ye love, Eleanor. He'll come up with a story for the babes and then he'll tell them how much their mama loved them. And then he will search for ye, lass."
"Do you really believe that?" she searched his eyes.
"Aye, I do."
"And when he doesn't find me?"
"He will believe some awful plight has befallin you," he gave her a smirk, "which willna be that far off from the truth if we want to talk about faults."
She laughed and wiped her eyes, "Thank you, Jamie. Seriously. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come. I'm sorry I did not tell you sooner."
He nodded. "I understand why you didn't. But Ellie, I do not want ye to lie to me. If I ask, tell me the truth. I will do the same. I canna abide otherwise. I have to be able to trust yer word."
"Of course," she bit her lip, "Once Murtagh found out, I was pretty sure I was on borrowed time, anyway. Thank you for telling me about your children, Jamie. It helped that you confided in me first."
He nodded. "Ye look shattered." he studied her.
"Bedtime?"
"There is one other matter I wish to talk to ye about before bed if ye feel like ye can bear it."
"Of course, what is it?"
"I ken that ye are still aggrieved over yer life as am I with Claire, but we did make vows to each other. I will not shirk from them lass, ye have my word. Will ye do the same?"
She swallowed hard, not sure where there was headed, but had a feeling. "Of course."
"I ken that our first night together was..." his voice trailed off. He though for a minute and then continued, resolute, "but I apologized for my behavior."
"And I forgave you," Eleanor said, "I meant when I said that."
"Then I need ye to allow us to forge a way between us."
"In bed?" Eleanor's voice faltered.
"And out," Jamie said, "but aye, I willna force ye, but..."
"You want the benefits of married life?"
"Aye."
She chewed on her lip, contemplatively. "It's just you have had years away from Claire, I have had five days away from Will. It's different, Jamie. But I have an understanding that the way this works for me is different than the way it works for you." She shifted, "Will was my first and I thought my last. So," she bit her lip, "there was that. Oh God, I'm rambling, but anyway..." she shifted again.
"Claire was my first too," Jamie offered. "And while she wasnot my last, there have not been other woman...just Willie's mama and one other. Twice, Ellie. Twice in years. So I ken what yer feelin. And I promise ye, I will be mindful. Do ye trust me?"
She took a breath. "I do. So...it's kind of a bad time for me at the moment, but afterwards, I'll try."
"So ye are not with child, then, lass?"
She stilled, "You thought I was pregnant? Why?"
"Ye were so tired."
She shrugged, "I sometimes get that way and these past few days have just been hard. I'm not used to this century, Jamie. It's been exhausting, emotionally and physically. And figuring out...private things...have been not easy by the way, but I'll get used to it, though I have to tell you I really want a hot shower right now in the worst way possible."
He laughed, "Claire told me about those. She missed showers and baths and running water something fierce at times."
"I've been pretty spoiled my whole life by modern comforts, Jamie, but I will adjust," she said. "I can do this."
"Of course ye can," he said, seriously. "Now, let's get ready for bed."
Eleanor hopped off and went to retrieve a hairbrush to brush out her hair while Jamie took off his clothes, leaving his shirt on. She brushed out her hair before getting into her side of the bed. Jamie extinguished the lamps and then climbed next to her.
"Jamie?" Eleanor rolled over to face his direction.
"Aye, lass?"
"What would you have done if I was pregnant?"
"I have two good men raising my bairns as their own. I will have done the same for yer and Will's child."
Eleanor began to cry again.
Jamie rolled over from his back to his side. "Why are ye cryin lass?"
"I don't know," Eleanor wept, but she scooted closer to him, "Can I just..."
"Aye," Jamie wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his side. "Dinnae weep, lass. All will be well. Go to sleep. Dinnae fash, I am here."
Eleanor fell asleep in his arms, exhausted by the weight of her emotions.