A/N/Warning: Jamie applies some 18th century discipline (aka... The reckoning). Not as explicit..
Chapter 7:
"I thank ye, John," Jamie said, his voice even as he bowed before his friend, "for sending word that Eleanor was safe with ye."
"Of course, Jamie," Lord John said, standing and bowing himself, "I was delighted to keep company with your lovely new wife. But I doubt the school master feels the same. You will surely have a mess to sort out there."
"No doubt," Jamie gave his wife the side eye.
"Jamie," Ellie titled her head, as she stood from her chair, "It wasn't my fault."
Jamie stilled, not scarcely believing her bold words. He looked at John, before heavily turning towards her, "Did I not tell ye to stay out of it? Did I not order ye to not go and visit the school? Whose fault would it be if not yer own?" His eyes bore into hers from across the room.
"Well, technically speaking, James," Eleanor raised her eyebrows and Lord John gave a discreet cough, "if Mr. Hodges wasn't such a ridiculous bear to begin with, this wouldn't have happened. He nearly attacked me for just simply offering a few suggestions."
"I told ye to leave well enough alone," Jamie glared at her.
"But I was right! If you would just listen..."
Jamie loudly cleared his throat. "We'll discuss this later, Eleanor... in private."
"I want to discuss this now," Eleanor said. "In front of witnesses."
John couldn't help the laugh that escaped. "Very well played, Madam Fraser."
Jamie gave an easy smile to John and then stepped across the room, towards his wife. He gripped her arm hard and then turned her away from the others and whispered in her ear, "Take care, lass. This is not how a wife talks to her husband especially in front of company."
Eleanor leaned towards Jamie, "Even if I was right? Or can I not possibly be right because I am only a woman and am inferior to the vastness of your wisdom?"
Jamie leaned back in, "Ye are on troubled ground, clearly more so than ye realize. I'd suggest ye take this time to figure how to feign contriteness if ye do not feel it in yer heart."
Eleanor paused and then closed her mouth. She thought it might be wise not to overestimate his progressiveness in such matters. "Very well."
"Good choice," Jamie said, lightly, relaxing his ironclad grasp and turned her back towards the others.
Lord John cleared his throat again with a small cough. "I am sure the matter with the school master will be resolved satisfactorily, Eleanor. I would not worry. Jamie can surely handle it without lasting consequences."
"Aye," Jamie moved his hand to wrap his arm around Eleanor's waist, and pulled her into his side. "It already has been settled. I paid him a visit on the way here and ensured him that he would have no more trouble from my wife."
Eleanor pulled away, "You did that without talking to me about it?"
"Aye," Jamie said, pulling her closer to him again. "But dinna fash, you and I will also discuss it at lengths together."
"Lovely," Eleanor retorted, her face flushed.
Murtagh stepped forward, "Why don't I take Eleanor downstairs, Jamie? I'll get her a drink." He stepped to his godson's side, "She's lookin like she might need a moment of..." he paused, "reflection."
"Verra well," Jamie said, "but dinnae coddle her, Murtagh. She is in the wrong and she must accept it. She could have gotten herself killed."
Eleanor's temper snapped. "Good Lord. Don't be so dramatic, Jamie."
Lord John turned his head and coughed again. He was undeniably amused by the interplay between the two of them. The new Madam Fraser wasn't giving up any ground to her husband easily.
"That's enough out of ye, lassie," Murtagh grunted before Jamie could respond. He took her arm, "Ye need to cool yer temper before ye say something ye cannot take back, Ellie. Come with me."
"Very well" Eleanor replied. She turned to Lord John. "Lord John, it was so nice to meet you."
He bowed as she curtseyed. "I look forward to the day we meet again, Madam Fraser."
She smiled at him. "Thank you again for your hospitality."
"My pleasure, Eleanor."
Jamie turned to John when they had left, the door clicking closed again behind them. "It was fortunate that you were in town, John when your officer brought her in. What are ye doin here?"
"I have been tasked to check in with the units in the highlands and to bring the happy news that we are finally leaving for other endeavors."
Jamie raised his eyebrow and John continued, "And indeed, it was fortunate my officer was there to step in. I'm not sure what would have happened otherwise." John laughed, "Good God, it is good to see you, Jamie."
"You as well. And thank ye again for takin care of Eleanor for me."
"She has proven excellent company," John said, "She is charming, Jamie. Witty and spirited. Wherever did you find her?"
"Inverness. The poor lass tragically lost her husband and children when I happened upon her."
"Ah, yes, indeed. She told me that. It was fortuitous you were there then. But what in God's name compelled you to marry her?" He paused, realizing how that sounded, "I can see her appeal now, though she is awfully..." he frowned, "progressive, perhaps, but she is charming company, though surely you did not know that at the time."
"Ah, well," Jamie gave a lopsided grin, "I felt a kinship with the lass. She needed me and truth be told, I dinna realize it at the time, but I needed her as much as she needed me."
"I see," John nodded. "Then I am pleased for you." He paused, "You do know that your school master has a beastly reputation according to my officers. I do hope you do not think me to be overstepping, but I do feel obligated to tell you that she is probably accurate in her assessment of matters."
"I ken," Jamie said, "But it is none of Ellie's concern. She is a woman that kens her own mind and likes her own way."
"I trust you'll be gentle with her, Jamie. I do believe her intentions were good whatever the outcome."
Jamie snorted. "Murtagh is fortifying her with whiskey. She'll survive my censure, John. I canna abide giving her a direct order and her not following it."
"Well," John folded his hands, "How about a drink and an update on your son? And maybe a game of chess? I sense that Madam Fraser might need a lot of fortifying, though I would have never thought Mister Fitzgibbons would have been the one to do so."
"He likes Ellie," Jamie said, easily. "A game of chess would be a welcome diversion."
John clamped the arm of his friend, "It is so good to see you, Jamie."
"You as well," Jamie smiled back.
"What do you think he will do?" Eleanor asked Murtagh as she stared at the bottom of her drink. "Is he terribly angry with me?"
"Aye," Murtagh said, grimly. "As for what the lad will or willna do, I canna say."
She eyed him, "Or you will not say."
"Aye, or that," Murtagh said. "Drink up, lassie. Ye will need it."
"Oh, good Lord," Eleanor took a gulp. "What am I going to do?" she pushed the drink away, it burning her throat.
Murtagh pushed the drink back in her direction, "Drink. That's what ye are going to do."
"And then what?" Eleanor looked at him, forlorn.
"Ye are goin to follow Jamie's lead," Murtagh said, "and accept whatever comes."
"Do I not have any say to whatever that comes?"
Murtagh winked at her, "Aye, ye can have a say and I suspect ye will, but it willna make a difference."
Ellie reached for her drink and took another gulp, it burning all the way down into her stomach.
An hour later, Jamie came down the stairs. "Let's go, Eleanor," he said, his voice low. "Ye'll ride with me."
Eleanor bit her lip, but she stood and followed him out the door, Murtagh following close behind.
"Give me yer foot," Jamie said and then held the horse steady, but turned to talk in low tones to Murtagh. Ellie, from her perch on top of the horse, strained her ears to try to understand what he was saying.
Murtagh nodded and then climbed onto his own horse and Jamie climbed up behind her. "Let's go." He put his arm around her waist and they trotted away.
"Ye are awfully quiet for being so spirited earlier," Jamie commented after a few minutes of silence.
"She was like that with me," Murtagh offered. "Perhaps the lassie regrets what happened."
Eleanor stiffened but remained quiet.
"Or maybe not," Jamie muttered. They remained quiet for a good while longer before Ellie blurted out, "I can't believe that you appeased the man who was trying to attack me. And...he did nothing to stop the soldiers from taking me. What the hell, Jamie?"
Jamie pulled on the reigns and then hopped off, taking her down with him. He tossed the reigns to Murtagh.
"Come with me." He roughly took her hand and dragged her through the woods, Eleanor stumbling over branches, but Jamie's pace didn't slow.
"What are you doing?" Ellie asked, as she tried to keep up.
"I need to show ye somethin."
He led her to a cave, by a stream. "What is this place?" she asked.
"This was my home for seven years after Culloden," he dragged her in, "Take a look, Ellie. This is where I lived on the run from the English."
"Jamie," Eleanor's voice cracked as her eyes wandered around the dark, cramped, damp cave. "I...I don't know what to say."
"Dinnae say anything," Jamie said, simply. "Just look around."
She took a look around the cave. "How did you manage?"
"It was either live here or be hung," Jamie said. "There is something else I have been needing to show ye."
"What?" Eleanor's heart filled with dread.
Jamie shrugged off his shirt and turned around. "Look."
Eleanor stepped closer to him as Jamie moved into the entrance of the cave, so the light could shine on his back to give her a good look.
"Oh my God," Eleanor bit her lip hard, tasting blood. "What happened to you?" she reached to touch the scars on his back, her fingers light against his scars. "How old are these?"
"They are faded now, Eleanor, but they are still there. They will be there for the rest of my life. I was flogged. Twice. This was in the years before Culloden. Before Claire. I was young, barely a man. I was trying to stop them from raping Jenny. They arrested me and this was the result."
"Why haven't you shown this to me before?" Eleanor's fingers were still on his back, unable to wrench them away, "Jamie...why now?"
He turned and then reached to grasp her face, "You asked me why he dinna try to stop the English. Because even now, the memories are too fresh. Hawkins and Grey, they are different. But ye were lucky that this wasna a few years back. Even so, Hodges would be too fearful to interfere, especially for a woman that just gave him a tongue lashing, because while ye dinnae ken, he remembers. He was only a boy, too young to go off and fight."
"Were you ever going to show me this?" Eleanor asked, tears springing to her eyes.
"Eventually, when I thought you could handle it," Jamie admitted. "I dinna think ye could. But ye left me no choice today."
She backed up, bumping against the wall of the cave. "I'm sorry, Jamie."
"Aye, I ken ye are...aboot this. What about fer earlier today? Are ye sorry about that?"
Eleanor let out a long breath.
"I dinna think so," Jamie gestured for her to come, "we have more to discuss, but not here." He lead her out of the cave and shrugged back on his shirt, before offering his hand.
She gave him a long, searching look, which he returned evenly, his hand still outstretched.
"Come, Eleanor," he finally said. She put his hand in his and allowed him to lead her back to Murtagh and the horses.
"Where are we?" Eleanor asked as Jamie got her back down from the horse.
"I will return the horses and come back in an hour," Murtagh said.
"Thank ye," Jamie said as he pushed open the door of the cottage.
He went over to light the lamp on a small table. "Come in, Eleanor."
"Where are we?" Eleanor repeated.
"This is Murtagh's cottage. Did ye ever wonder where he lived?"
"I thought he had a room in the house," Ellie said, "This is homey. Murtagh lives here?"
"Aye," Jamie nodded, "Since I returned from Hellwater," he paused, "the English manor where Lord John sent me after prison. Where I met Willie's mama."
"Why are we here?" Eleanor asked, fingering the table.
"It's more private," Jamie said, frankly. "And I need it to be. Sit down, Eleanor." He pulled out a chair for her and his tone had left for no argument. She sat down and Jamie took the other seat.
Jamie didn't waste any time, "Ye gave me yer word." He crossed his arms and looked very serious.
Eleanor swallowed hard, "I did not think I had a choice."
"What did you think you would accomplish?" Jamie asked, frowning. "Surely, you had a plan."
She let out a breath, "I don't know. I just know I had to try."
"How did you find the school house?" Jamie questioned.
"Young Ian," Ellie said and then quickly added, "Please do not blame him."
"I no blame him, I blame ye," Jamie said. "I'm just trying to figure out what ye were thinkin, Eleanor."
She stood and paced the room, "I don't know, Jamie. I don't know what I was thinking! I just...I had to do what i thought was right. I had to follow my heart."
He slammed his fist on the table, "Ye canna follow yer heart here. Ye have to use yer head."
"Well, maybe I can't do this life! I'm way over my head." Eleanor's voice raised.
He stood, "I am tryin to help ye do it. But I canna if ye will not heed my word, Eleanor."
"I wasn't wrong. I'm right about Rupert...and the way he is being treated, it breaks my heart. I cannot stand for it, Jamie."
"Many things are not just or fair. But it is the way it is."
"We can change things!"
"Not this," Jamie said, evenly. "I told ye. We are no changin this. It only served to raise suspicions about ye. Suspicions that we no need."
"I can teach him," she offered.
"No!" Jamie's voice raised now. "How will they think that ye learned everything that ye are teachin him?"
"I don't know. I can come up with a story."
"We are already coming up with too many stories about ye, Eleanor. And yer a horrible liar." Jamie said.
"But you aren't, so maybe you could..."
"Enough!" Jamie's tone was harsh.
Eleanor froze and stared at him.
"No, ye don't get to do that," Jamie met her stare.
"What? What am I doing, Jamie?" Eleanor asked, frustrated.
"Acting scared of me," Jamie said, "Not after your dreadful display with Lord John."
"I did not do anything wrong."
"Aye, ye did, and if ye canna see it, we have a problem, Eleanor. A big one."
The tears started welling up and over, "Please try."
Jamie took a deep breath and let it out, trying to reign in his temper, especially with Eleanor beginning to cry. Eleanor was far more free with her emotions then Claire had ever been. He tried to gentle his voice. "That willna work."
"If Mrs. Kirby agrees to it..."
"Ye willna be getting Mistress Kirby's hopes up."
She froze at her blunder. "We'll have to just agree to disagree."
"No," Jamie said, evenly, "Ye will have to agree to agree with me."
"That's ridiculous. I can think for myself." She wiped at her eyes.
"I dinnae say that ye canna think for yerself. I said ye have to obey me when I give ye an order."
"I'm not just going to roll over for you, Jamie."
"Aye, lass, ye are," Jamie said.
'No, Jamie, I won't,' Eleanor's voice raised again.
"Aye, lass ye will," Jamie's volume matched hers, "If ye canna do so willingly, I will bend yer will to mine."
"And just how will you do that?" Eleanor asked.
He swept over to her and reached for her hand, raising it to hold it against his chest. "Look at me," Jamie commanded and Ellie looked into his eyes,
"I am going to punish ye fer what ye did today. And then i am goin to give ye my word that every time ye engage in such folly as to go against my express wishes, that I willa do the same. That's where we will start."
She looked at him, aghast. "Jamie!" She tugged her hand out of his grasp and took several steps away from him. "That's crazy."
He took a step forward and she backed further away from him.
"Stay away from me," She raised her hand, "This is why Murtagh gave me the damn whiskey."
"Aye," Jamie said, his hand up, beckoning to her, "Come here."
"No!" Eleanor yelled at him. "You cannot just decide to beat me every time I disagree with you. That's not how a marriage is supposed to work. Are you insane?" She began to cry more earnestly. "I have to go home." She buried her head and her hands and began to fall apart, all the anxiety from the day, unraveling her, bit by bit. "I'm not strong enough."
Jamie studied her, finally realizing how frightened Ellie must had been all day. His heart stirred towards her and then he beckoned to her, "I willna touch ye...not yet at least, but come over here and talk to me."
He sat down on the bed that was on the other side of the small cottage. He patted the spot next to him and seeing little choice, Ellie crossed the room to sit next to him.
"What is it?" she sobbed. "You are not going to change your mind."
He put a heavy hand on her knee. "Ah, no. I willna."
"Then what is it?"
"It's not fer disagreeing with me," he patted her knee, his touch almost comforting. "It's fer disobeying me. There is the difference, ye ken. Ye can disagree all ye want. Ye do have a keen mine and I welcome yer thoughts, but as far as disobeying, that's the line. It has to be the line, Eleanor."
"But I don't have to obey you, Jamie," Ellie said, "don't you see?"
"But aye, ye do," Jamie said, evenly. "I ken that is different then what ye are used to, but I have to insist on it."
"Jamie," Eleanor's heart beat through her chest, "Please don't do this."
"It isn't as bad as ye are makin it out to be. Trust me, as a surly lad, I speak from experience," He lifted his hand from his knee and patted her back, "It will be over soon."
"But why do this?"
"Even if I was of the mind to reconsider, I promised the schoolmaster I would take ye in hand. And I must."
"You are doing this because of that horrid man?" Eleanor looked hurt.
"Nah, I would have done it in either case, so I had no problem offerin that up as appeasement to him," Jamie said, "Ye just said earlier that ye are not too keen in bending yer will to mine and i believe that, Eleanor, more than I believe that ye will change that view without some compelling reason to. And I ken from experience this can be verra compelling."
"You don't understand," Eleanor said, "I will not be able to handle this. I will not be able to see you the same."
"I dinnae think that will be the case, but even so, it is a chance I am willin to take," He turned her towards him, "Look at me."
She forced her eyes on him. "What is it?"
"Claire was almost burned at the stake for being a witch. But she was no a witch. She was just from the future as are ye. She used her knowledge of the future to heal people and that is part of the reason why they convicted her."
She began to shake and Jamie held her steady. "I need ye to be cautious. Ye are from a different time. And ye have different views. Ye ken things that ye shouldna. I canna have ye being reckless, lass. I made ye a promise that I will protect ye. Even if it means protecting ye from yerself."
"Jamie," Eleanor leaned her head on his chest. The thought of her being burned alive was too much for her to handle. She wanted to bury herself in him and away from this awful century she was living in. She wanted to return to Will, who was steady and gentle and to Harry and Charlotte who were her world.
But she could not. And in the back crevices of her mind and in her heart, she knew how fortunate she was to have Jamie. Truth be told, any other man from this century probably would have done the same thing when faced with insubordination. She could not blame him for that. But any other man wouldn't know her truth. He would probably believe that she was a witch than to believe she was from the future. She was free to be herself with Jamie and that was a blessing she could not deny.
And yet, as she felt the strength of his arms around her and the solidness of his form, she knew that if Jamie unleashed his strength on her, he could kill her. She did not think he would mean too, but he could get carried away.
"What are ye thinking on?" Jamie asked, his voice low and soothing.
"You could really hurt me."
"Aye, I could," Jamie said, matter of factually, "But I willna." He leaned down to kiss the top of her head.
"I'm scared."
"I ken." He wrapped his arms even tighter around her, whispering words in Gaelic that she did not understand, but still eased her soul.
"I've been scared all day."
"I ken that too." Jamie said. More Gaelic and her breathing eased more. Jamie did not move to let her go, just held her and let her process and express what she needed to. He would not back down and she knew that, but she also knew that he would not squelch her feelings.
"Riding with the solider, I just kept thinking in my head of what you told me about how they did so much to assert the power over the highlands. I did not know what I was facing."
"I'm sorry fer it, lass, truly I am. I dinnae want to think of ye as scarrit, but I ken ye must have been. I'm just glad John was there fer ye when I couldna be."
"He's a good man."
"Aye, the best," Jamie said, easily, "though he did try to make his case fer me to be gentle with ye."
"Did he know that you would beat me?"
"Probably suspected so," Jamie said, frankly. "He told me ye have verra good intentions which I ken already. The problem is good intentions dinnae get ye verra far in the highlands."
"I still don't think I can do this," Ellie said, honestly.
"Ye dinnae have much of a choice," Jamie nudged her up by the shoulder. He moved both hands to her shoulders and then leaned down to look her in the eye, "Best to get it over with. The waitin makes it worse in yer heid. We'll talk more after if ye'd like."
Eleanor leaned over, hyperventilating, holding up her dress with her arms, which had come unbuttoned and loose. "I can't breathe." She reached back for her laces, "Damn these laces. And damn you James Fraser."
Jamie looked over to her, surveying her. "I have bites and scratches from ye, lass."
"Which you deserved every bit of it," Eleanor hiccuped. "Did you think I would just submit to you without a fight? This isn't 50 shades of grey, you know!"
"Well, truth be told, I kinda though ye might. Ye had calmed down quite a bit from earlier when ye were all riled up." Jamie retorted, honestly. "Though I am kinda glad ye didn't. Ye were fierce lass. I dinna ken ye had that fight in ye."
"Of course, I fought back. It hurt!" Eleanor cried.
She had tried to not, but instinct took over and she ended fighting with him. Logically, she knew it was a fools errand to do so, somewhat akin to wrestling with a bear, he was so solid and towered so much over her. But after earnestly trying to lay still and grit her teeth and take it, she realized how much it was going to hurt and she lost her mind with him. He hadn't expected her to fight and she had gotten some good scratches and bites in and was half way across the room, before Jamie singlehandedly threw her over his shoulder and onto the bed. From there it went all downhill for her, smothered in the blankets and held in place by the ironclad grasp of her husband, who wasn't going to let his guard down again. It was bloody awful, hurt like hell and Jamie decided to lecture her the whole time, which only added to the ordeal because Jamie could be quite persuasive in his righteousness when laying into you, which was someone of a oxymoron considering what he was doing in the moment.
In retrospective as she was retreating to the other side of the room to lick her wounds, she knew that Jamie had used a considerable amount of restraint with her and had managed to keep a tight reign on his temper when she had clearly lost hers. It was awful and humiliating, but she was aware that it could have been much worse if he had lost his temper. He had kept to his word to her even when she had not to him. Still, her twenty first century ideals could not help but to want to make him feel guilty over it even as he was bound to his eighteen century world view where this type of behavior was completely acceptable.
"Aye, it was supposed to," Jamie said. "Ye ken that was the purpose of it all." Jamie clasped his belt into place and the walked over to sit in the corner of the room next to where she was crouched, leaning over. "What's 50 shades of grey?"
"A book." Ellie fell to her knees, "And a movie. I'll tell you about it later when I am not so damn pissed off at you. You are trying to distract me from being pissed off at you, but I am. Only the worst sort of men do this to their wives in my century without their consent. You do know that. The worst kind of men. It's actually against the law. You would be put into jail if I reported you in my time. What do you think of that?"
"If ye are still spouting off at me, I doubt I hurt ye that badly. I went easy on ye, lass, because I ken that ye aren't used to such things."
"Well then," Ellie groaned, "Should I thank you for beating me, Jamie Fraser?"
Jamie laughed, "I willna go so far to say that."
Eleanor gave him a look and Jamie winced, "Ach, lass, do ye really think I am the worst sort of a man?"
"No," Eleanor hiccuped. "You know I don't."
"Then stop sayin things ye don't mean." He reached out to tentatively touch her arm, but she shrunk away.
He sighed. "Do ye want privacy? Or do ye want me to stay and talk to ye?" Jamie asked, dropping his hand to his side.
"I don't know. I don't really have experience in this sort of thing. What do you want?"
"I wanna stay with ye, lass, but I ken yer pride is smartin, so if ye'd rather I not, I willna be offended."
"Don't you feel bad?" Eleanor asked, looking over at him.
"Not particularly," Jamie retorted, easily. "I dinnae think I was unfair or cruel to ye. I'm sympathetic because I'm sure yer miserable right now. But I wasn't the one that caused this."
"So generous of you," Ellie sniffed. "I'm going in between wanting to punch you in the stomach to wanting to curl up against your chest and sob. I just don't know how I should feel, Jamie."
"I'd might suggest that ye not opt for the first one," Jamie said, raising an eyebrow. "But as for telling ye how ye should feel, I canna. I dinna understand where ye come from. Justice is justice, Eleanor."
"And compassion is compassion," Eleanor retorted, "and gentleness and respect and kindness. All of those are equal virtues with justice."
"Do ye not think I am all of those things?" Jamie asked, quietly.
She laughed and sobbed at the same time, "The thing is I do. I do think you are all of those things. God, my head hurts. I cannot wrap my worldview into yours." She paused, for there was someone else who could have shed a light of how she should feel, whose worldview was not quite as modern as her, but modern enough to think it reprehensible. "Did you ever do this to Claire?"
He should have been prepared for the question and yet he stumbled over his response.
Jamie stilled. "Aye," he hesitated. "Once."
The hesitation was enough for Eleanor to read the situation pretty succinctly. She quickly looked up at him and into his eyes, searching them. She groaned. "And she told you never again and you submitted to her wishes." The tears began to flow again more quickly.
"Aye," Jamie told her, his voice low. "But this is not about Claire, lass."
"And if I said never again, what would you say?" Eleanor wiped at her eyes.
"It's different."
"How?" She pushed herself off the ground to awkwardly rise, she still holding up her dress with her arms. "That you loved her and not me? Is that the difference?"
"It's not what ye think," his voice was low and serious as he rose.
"It's exactly what I think! You had this soul binding, passionate, bodice ripping kind of love story with Claire- the kind you only see in books and movies. Of course, you would give into her. How could you not? But me? Our story is only meant for stupid fanfiction, that's us...so I'm destined to be beaten into submission every time I step out of the great Jamie Fraser's wishes..."
"What the hell are ye blabbering about, woman?" Jamie asked.
Eleanor paused and then retorted, heatedly, "Just never mind."
"Eleanor, I willna apologize for lovin Claire."
"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to tell me that you respect me as much as you do her. As your wife. And I am your wife too. I've done everything you have asked..."
Jamie began to laugh, "what the hell was all of this about then? If ye had done everythin I asked, we would no be in this situation."
"Okay, almost everything..." Eleanor amended. "Somewhere in your heart you know this is wrong."
"I do not have to explain Clare to ye," Jamie crossed his arms.
"I already understand the situation pretty well even if you choose to tell me or not," Eleanor said, her lip trembling fiercely. "Do you you think Murtagh has returned yet?"
"Lass," Jamie responded, his voice growing suddenly weary, "Please be reasonable."
"I want to go home. Do you think he would walk me home? I know we rode over here but given the circumstances..."
"Aye, but..."
"Call him." Eleanor insisted, her voice rising.
"Eleanor, I think we need to talk."
"Jamie, I really think I can't be near you right now." She sunk back down to her knees and buried her head. "You said it was my choice. And I made it. Please."
"Verra well," Jamie went outside the cottage. He was gone a few minutes and Murtagh came in. He took one look at her and went straight over to her side. Gripping her by the arm, he pulled her up.
"Let's take ye home, lassie," he said.
Eleanor struggled to her feet, and tried to get the buttons to her dress.
Jamie took a step towards her but she held out her hand, "Do not come near me."
Murtagh took her by the arm and lead her through the woods a few minutes to a nearby stream. "Splash water on yer face and then lean against the tree and calm yerself down," he told her, sternly. "Ye canna return to Lallybroch lookin like this."
She did as he said and then he walked over to her and leaned against the tree with her.
"Any man in his right mind would have done the same thing. Ye must accustom yerself to our ways and not fly off the handle at anything ye feel is unjust," Murtagh told her, his voice low, but calm. "It is fer yer survival to heed Jamie's orders."
"Would you have done the same thing?"
"Aye," Murtagh said, reaching to squeeze her arm, once, "but I doubt ye would have still the energy to be able to still be so surly."
"Lovely."
He winked at her, "Yer spirited, lassie. And its a good thing for ye and Jamie. But to go against his verra wishes and lie aboot it, a man can only abide by so much. Canna ye not see reason?"
"It's not that," Eleanor took a breath and then turned around to lean her head against the tree. "I can forgive him for beating me. I know it is acceptable in this century. I know he is a good man. I trust him. And I value what he thinks so much. I do. I know he thinks I don't, but I do. I know he will not truly hurt me. Nor do I think you would have."
"Of course not, Ellie," Murtagh said, "So ye are able to see reason. Then why are ye still so upset with him?"
Eleanor turned towards him. Murtagh was studying her carefully, his face drawn in concern.
"I asked him about Claire. He said he beat her once."
"Aye," Murtagh nodded, "I remember it well. And if yer askin, she was alot worse of than ye are now though her offense was far more egregious."
"He said he beat her once."
"I ken, what of it?" Murtagh asked, concerned.
"Once. Why only once?"
Murtagh frowned, "I ken yer meaning now."
"She told him no and he vowed never to do this to her again. So he knew somewhere that it wouldn't be okay with me. But he didn't care. He cared at what she thought, but not what I did."
"He told ye that?"
"More or less," Eleanor sobbed. "I asked him if I said no too, would that change things and he straight up told me it would not. And it hurts. Because I want him to like me. But I shouldn't. Not yet. But I do."
"Ach, lassie, come here," Murtagh put his arm around her shoulders. "The lad will come around, Eleanor. He should not have said such things to you about Claire. I can see why yer feelings are so sore. But ye need to learn from this. Do not interfere in things that are not yer business."
"It's just that little boy, Murtagh. It's not the devil's tongue. And it's close to me. If Harry was treated that way because of his speech delay. It's hard to feel that other people thing there is something wrong with your child when there is nothing actually wrong."
"Yer lad had somethin similar?"
"Yes," Eleanor leaned against him.
"Did ye no tell Jamie?" Murtagh asked.
"No."
"Not even afterwards?"
"No." she shook her head.
"Don't ye think ye should have?"
"Probably," she sniffed, "but he should have showed me his back ages ago. And told me what the British did to him and the fact that he lived in a damn cave for years. I would have understood. He doesn't trust me."
"Ye need to give him cause to trust ye," Murtagh said frankly, "And the way i see it, ye did the same thing to him yer complainin about. Ye dinnae tell him about yer bairns until he asked. Ye dinnae tell him about yer son's speech. Ye canna have it both ways, Ellie."
"He beat me," she turned around and cried into his shoulder.
"Aye, and it will feel better soon, mo buidheag."
"Thank you for the whiskey earlier," she sniffed.
Murtagh chuckled, "Yer welcome. Dry yer tears now. It's time to go home."
"How will I face everyone? Do they know what happened?"
"Aye, but it will soon be forgotten," Murtagh assured her. "Until ye do the next fool heided thing."
She giggled and wiped her eyes. "What does mo buid... what is it again?"
"Mo buidheag. My friend," Murtagh answered.
Her heart nearly melted. He was so gruff and yet so sweet at the same time. And she counted him as a friend as well.
"Thank you."
He nodded. "I'll walk ye back."
They walked back in easy silence, Eleanor grateful for the quiet. She just didn't know if she could face Jamie again.
A/N: Jamie does have his reasons for refusing Ellie and in his head it is all quite logical...that will be explored next chapter, after some more drama.