A/N: I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to review this story! I love that people are enjoying it as much as I am enjoying writing it! :)

Chapter 13:

"We'll leave for London in the morning, then?" John asked Jamie, over their chess game later that night.

"Aye," Jamie twirled his chess piece absently, before moving it across the board.

John looked at him incredulously, "Are you quite certain you want to do that?"

Jamie sighed, "That's checkmate." He looked to John, apologetically, "My mind is on other things tonight. I fear I am not a worthy opponent."

"It's no matter," John began to to rearrange the pieces, "Do you want another drink?" he asked. "It might help."

Jamie looked at his empty glass of brandy. He rose and then shuffled through the drinks, "Here, I thought this may come in handy. Whisky. Do ye want some?"

John nodded and Jamie came and poured him and John some into their tumblers.

"Eleanor couldna tolerate this, ye ken. Claire could hold her own with the best of men."

"They are very different then," John commented, raising his glass to him, "your wives."

"Aye," Jamie said, raised his, "but alike in many ways. slainte"

They both took a drink.

"How so?" John asked, curious.

Jamie let out his breath, "They are both canny and bòidheach- verra beautiful, but there is an innocence to Eleanor. Claire was an ideal solider's wife. Healing. Helping. She was stoic, controlled. She had already seen the worst in humanity. I took her everywhere with me. I would have taken her with me now and she would have been a great help to us."

"Do you not think that Eleanor would have been?" John said.

"Aye, but I feel the need to shield her from all of it. Eleanor..." Jamie paused, "it troubles her greatly to ken of what has happened. She feels it so deeply, the sympathy to..." he trailed off, his brow furrowed in concern.

John cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably in his chair, "to the scars on your back?"

"Aye...among other things..."

John tapped his finger, nervously on the table. "Does she know I added to them" he said, his voice low. "that time at Ardsmuir?"

"Aye, I remember it vividly," Jamie grunted. "No," he shook his head swiftly, "I dinna tell her that. She kens bits and pieces of things, but I did not tell her... fully... about my time at Ardsmuir. She kens that is where our friendship began though and that I was a prisoner and ye were the warden."

"I have to say I am glad for it, Jamie. I would hate for Eleanor to be disappointed in my character for I do admit, it was not my best moment." he paused and then added, "by far."

"Aye," Jamie gave a small smile, "ye did what ye felt like ye must and ye dinnae ken at the time what had happened before until ye saw them from yerself."

"If I had known, I do not think I would have...I could have..." John choked.

"I ken that, John," Jamie's voice was gentle, "And ye couldna back down at that moment. Eleanor dinnae ken what it means to be a soldiers opposing each other on a battlefield or a prisoner and a warden. It is more complicated than what she thinks she kens of how the world should be."

"I do not ever think there is justification for cruelty," John said, his voice low.

"Nah, but there is the matter of justice to consider," Jamie said. "Eleanor just puts a greater value on compassion and understanding or so she has told me often..."

He chuckled, "It is an admirable trait."

"Aye, tis so," Jamie nodded. "Eleanor's just verra...sweet."

"She has a kind, intuitive nature, don't you think?"

"Aye, that's it," Jamie nodded.

"She is also very amusing."

"Aye, she is," Jamie let out his breath, his brow creasing again. "Verra much so. She doesna budge easily, which was similar to Claire. She can be fearful at times though. Claire seemed fearless and so sure of herself no matter where she was or who she found herself with," He looked troubled.

"Eleanor draws into herself when she isn't sure of herself," John commented.

"Did ye notice that as well?" Jamie asked.

"Yes, on the night I took her to the play."

"It dinna look that way to me," Jamie said, dryly. "when ye came home."

"Ah yes," John said, "She was herself with me but we met a few new people and she became very quiet. And then when we were alone again, she was back to laughing and making the most witty comments on the play. Her laughter is enough to heal the most weary of souls."

"Aye, I found it so as well," Jamie nodded, the look of concern still etched on his face. John could tell that he was worried about Eleanor tonight.

"I am sure Eleanor is well," John said, his voice gentle. "Probably harassing Mister Fizgibbons to tell her more about what we are doing or your business arrangements."

"Aye," Jamie gave a small smile, chuckling at the thought, "Probably so. The lass can be awfully persuasive, but thankfully Murtagh is hard to move. She willna get very much out of him."

"Do you worry about her being by herself at Lallybroch?"

"Nah," Jamie took another sip, "My sister Jenny and her husband Ian will care fer the lass. And Murtagh will make sure she doesna get into too much mischief while I am gone. I dinnae worry about her safety, only about her... contentness."

John nodded, "I understand."

"Do ye worry about Lady Isobel?" Jamie asked.

"No, I suppose it is the same. She has the Dusaneys to care for her and Willie. She has always been content with that as well."

"Aye," Jamie said with a nod. "I suppose I dinna worry as much as I just miss her. Her laugh, especially..."

John swallowed another sip, "Are you in love with her, Jamie?" he asked, bluntly.

Jamie closed his eyes and gripped his tumbler tightly, "I dinnae ken."

"You do not know?" John's voice was low.

"That's right. I dinnae ken."

"How can you not know?" his voice revealed his disbelief.

"I have not settled it in my mind yet."

"You are aware that she thinks you will never love her the way you love Claire. Did you know that?" John's tone had turned pointed, a marked change from earlier.

"Did she tell ye that?" Jamie opened his eyes to look at him, a frown on his face.

"She did not have to tell me anything," John said."It is written plain for all to see."

"And what about Lady Isobel? Are ye in love with her?"

John took a large gulp of whisky. "I have loved Isobel for many years. As for the love between a man and a wife, I am learning to love her in that way. But I have...other factors."

"Aye, I ken," Jamie said. They were silent for a few minutes, the only sound was Jamie's fingers tapping on the table in agitation. Finally, he grunted, "Did Eleanor really tell ye that? Outright?" She had told him similar, but it took so much coddling and coaxing for him to get her to admit it. For her to freely confide in John, it irked him.

"Does it bother you if she did?" John asked, his eyes on Jamie, his look intense.

"Just answer the damn question," Jamie grunted.

"Yes, on several occasions," John retorted, "even on the first day we met."

"My wife needs to learn discretion."

"Her open nature is refreshing," John countered, "Don't you agree?"

"When it isn't aboot ye, perhaps," he responded.

"In all fairness to her," John said, "she was beside herself in worry over that blasted school master and your reaction. I think that clouded her judgment. Not that the worry was unfounded."

"Or my reaction unjustified," Jamie said, grunting at the memory.

John ignored him, "And the last time she confessed that to me, we had grown close. Do you mind she confides in me?"

"I canna fault the lass," Jamie said, "I confide in ye as well."

"She did say that you and her had talked and she seemed more content," John looked at Jamie. "I'm sorry...I..." he paused, forcibly stopping himself. "It's none of my business."

"Just speak yer mind, John."

"Very well. I see the way you look at her, Jamie. You have been in darkness for so long and for the first time, I have seen the sun shine on you again...and it is because of her. And you and her have a friendship, a deep understanding. I can see it between you- the connection is strong. You must love her. And if you do, it is foolish to keep it to yourself. She is carrying your child, for God's sake."

"It means something, when I do say," Jamie let out a long breath, "ye ken?"

"I know it does," John's tone softened, "believe me, I do." He struggled, "Perhaps, I am not the best to give marital advice."

Jamie paused, taking in his words, "I ken it was well meant," Jamie's tone softened, "And I find that ye give sound council not matter what the matter is on."

"Thank you for that."

Jamie nodded his acceptance. "We should retire if we are getting an early start," he said, standing up to stretch.

"Yes, you are right, we should," John stood, bowing slightly. "Goodnight, Mr. Fraser."

"Goodnight, Lord John."

Jamie headed towards the door, then stopped in his tracks, turning heavily. "I want to thank ye for yer kindness towards Eleanor..."

"Think nothing of it," John said, sincerely. "I want you happy Jamie. I want that desperately."

Jamie gave a small smile, "Leave at sun-up?"

"Yes, at dawn," John said with a nod. "Pleasant dreams."

"ye as well," Jamie said and left, the door clicking behind him.

John slumped over is chair and buried his face in his hand.

Eleanor did not say much to Murtagh on the day's ride. Fergus and Murtagh talked for a while before all of them falling silent. It had begun that steady drizzle, causing for an uncomfortable ride. Murtagh stopped, easily got done and then reached up to help her down from the horse. "We'll stop for the night."

Eleanor reached out to steady herself, gripping Murtagh's arm.

"Are ye unwell, lass?" Murtagh asked, his voice heavy with concern. He reached out to grab her waist, steadying her.

"No, I am well," She said, "Just a little saddle sore." She forced a smile. "I am going to over there and then wash up," she gestured and Murtagh nodded.

"Stay close though, lassie."

"of course," She said. She wandered over to attend to her needs and then went to the creek to wash up. As she splashed water in her face, her mind wandered to Jamie. Tears sprung to her eyes. Oh God, she missed him so. She felt lost without him, unsure of herself. Jamie had given her so much security that she felt vulnerable. She knew that he trusted her with Murtagh and Fergus and she was comfortable with both of them, but still...she needed him. And he wasn't here.

Murtagh came beside her to fill up the water jugs. "Fergus is starting a fire. Ye are chilled from the rain."

"A bit," she said, shivering slightly as she said it.

"I should have stopped sooner," Murtagh frowned.

"No, I really am fine, Murtagh," she said, softly. "I'm just out of sorts. I'm sorry I have been quiet. I didn't think you minded, you dislike prattling."

"Aye, I dinna deny it," Murtagh grinned, "but yer chatter I dinna seem to mind. It is when ye are silent, I worry about what ye are thinkin in that bonny heid of yers."

She shook dry her hands, "It's really not a secret. I miss your godson terribly. And I'm not very brave without him."

Murtagh handed her the water jug, "Drink."

She took it, uncorked it and took a drink. "What was so important that he had to leave me?"

"I canna say," Murtagh said, quietly. "And before ye say anything else, I willna say either."

She took another sip and then wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

"He wouldna have left ye if it wasna important," Murtagh said. "Ye must ken that well."

She nodded, "I do. He will be okay, won't he?"

"Aye, lass. Jamie kens how to take care."

Her shoulders slumped as she forced another breath. Murtagh put his arm around her, "Come, Ellie. Let's find ye a dry spot to rest. Ye are shattered, ye poor lassie."

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight," Eleanor admitted as he gently led her to where Fergus was with the fire.

"Dinna fash, lass," Murtagh grunted. "Ye are safe from all the wild animals."

She nodded and sat by the fire. Fergus unwrapped a package and handed it to Eleanor, "Mi lady."

"Thank you, Fergus." Eleanor took a bite of the bread. "Do you think it will drizzle all night?"

"Aye," Murtagh said, "But I can make certain ye stay dry."

She nodded. "I'm surprised you agreed to accompany me home." she took another bite, "Don't ye want to keep Jamie out of trouble?"

"I told ye before, Jamie can care for himself. It is more important to get ye and the bairn ye are carryin safely back to Lallybroch. I have no desire to go to London either...ever."

Eleanor titled her head and pursed her lips, "What is Jamie doing in London?"

He wagged his finger at her, "it does no harm for ye to know where they are going, but ye willna persuade me to tell ye for what purpose they are going."

Eleanor pursed her lips, "Thank you for telling me that tidbit of information though."

"Aye, yer welcome," Murtagh said.

Fergus handed Eleanor a blanket, "Are ye warm enough, mi lady? You are still shivering," he leaned down and wrapped the blanket around Eleanor's shoulders,.

"thank you, Fergus," Eleanor smiled up at him.

"I cannot wait to return home as well," Fergus said.

Eleanor let out a breath, "Home."

"Do you miss your own home, mi lady?" Fergus asked.

Eleanor tightened her grip on the blanket, bunching it in her fist, "Very much so, but not so much the actual building. Will and I and the little ones moved around so much in our ten years of marriage. But I supposed it taught me that home is where those you love are. We made a home wherever we went."

"Do you not feel like Lallybroch is your home?" Fergus asked, his brow furrowed in worry.

"Home is where Jamie is these days, Fergus. I long to see Jenny and Ian and the kids, but it won't be the same without Jamie."

Murtagh reached over and squeezed her knee. "That's a gut thing indeed, lassie. He will return to ye before ye ken it."

"Before the baby arrives, preferably."

"Jamie willna break his word to ye, lass," Murtagh said, evenly. "He promised ye."

"Then I shall remind myself to believe in the honor of his word," Ellie said, forcing smile.

Murtagh nodded and then easily turned the conversation away from Jamie, to try to ease the lassie's thoughts before bed. And once it was time for rest, he made her covering, ensuring that she was warm. Eleanor fell asleep almost immediately, exhausted from the day's travels, her pregnancy and the emotions that consumed her. She woke hours later, in the wee hours of the night, to a sound of howling. Her heart beat quickly in panic. It was those times in traveling that she would roll over into Jamie's solid side and he would in his sleep grunt, his arm moving to wrap around her protectively. "They willna harm ye. They are far from here."

But without Jamie, Ellie's heart panicked. She tried to settle the beating of her heart and even her breathing lest not to wake the others. "Oh God help me," She moaned. "I do not want to be eaten by a wolf tonight."

She heard a shuffling.

"They will not harm ye, lassie," Murtagh grumbled as he crawled around to poke a hand through her shelter. "Dinna fash. Ye will not be wolf food tonight. Go back to sleep."

It was then that Eleanor put the pieces together to realize that Murtagh had chosen to sleep at her feet, nearby and protective.

"Did Jamie tell you to sleep near me?"

"Nah," Murtagh chuckled, "We would all hear ye when ye woke on the road and Jamie soothing ye back towards sleep. I figured ye might need the same. Jamie may not be here, but ye do have friends besides the lad, mo buidheag."

"And for that I am grateful for. Thank you, Murtagh."

"Aye, lass. Now hush yerself so we can all get some sleep."

She chuckled and rolled over back to sleep.

Jenny reached out to pull Eleanor into a sisterly hug, "Ellie, it is so verra gut to see ye, sister." She looked around, "Where is that fool heided brother of mine?"

"London apparently," Eleanor said with a raised eyebrow.

"Ach," Jenny clucked, "Come, ye are weary from the road and I can tell there is much to tell."

"We are verra glad ye have come to us," Ian said, with a gentle smile.

Young Ian bounded in, "Auntie, it is verra gut to see ye! I have so much to tell."

"That is gonna have to wait, lad," Ian said, interjecting with a soft word of reprimand, "Auntie is shattered, ye ken."

"Where is Uncle Jamie, Auntie?"

Eleanor smiled at the young man, who hero worshipped his uncle, "Uncle Jamie is off for another adventure with his friend, Lord John."

"I dinna ken why Uncle Jamie is such gut friends with an Englishman," Ian said.

"From the mouths of babes," Murtagh said, wryly from the doorway.

Jenny chuckled her agreement, but then said louder, "Not all Englishmen are wicked, Young Ian, mo bhobain."

"Lord John is a kind man," Eleanor told her nephew, yawning, "He was very hospitable to me."

"Come along, Eleanor, let's have ye rest. It is not gut fer the wee un ye flitting all aboot the countryside."

Jenny led Eleanor up the stairs to her room where a hot bath was already being prepared. The chill of the road dissipated with a warm bath and hot food in her belly. It was later that sitting with Jenny with a cup of tea that they were able to catch up.

"The babe quickened while we were in Edinburgh," Ellie said, with a smile.

"Aye, and I can tell that ye are filling out more. Ye do look well, Ellie."

"I feel well," Eleanor shifted, "I'm worried about Jamie though."

"Did he not tell ye what ye was doin with Lord John?"

"No, he wrote to Ian though. Did he tell him?"

"Weel," Jenny said, "I canna say fer certain. But from the bits and pieces I managed to coax out of my husband, it is more about Jamie than Lord John."

Eleanor frowned deeply, "That was my impression as well. I'm worried that he does not trust me enough to say."

"I dinna think..." Jenny started and then stopped, adjusting her words, "From the way I see it, it has no to do with trust, but wanting ye not to worry."

"But I am worried anyway so it would have made more sense to just tell me. The possibilities that I am imagining are most likely far worse than the reality."

"Aye," Jenny blew on her tea, which was still steaming, "but ye have to bring Jamie to that understanding because ye is going to want to do everything in his power to protect ye and to keep ye content."

Eleanor took a sip of the tea, "But it was different with Claire. So it goes back to me thinking that he trusted her more than me and I will never get to where he will. She complemented him so well and I..." She paused, "Well, I am very different."

"Ach," Jenny shook her head, "I dinna think it has anythin to do with that. I think ye bring the sunshine to him again and he wants to keep the rain away for both of ye."

Eleanor smiled at Jenny's sweet words. "I miss him. I told him I love him."

"Did ye now?" Jenny smiled widely, "And what did he say?"

"That I am precious to him."

"And ye are," Jenny nodded. "Dinna fash, Ellie. He willna say until he is ready fer the sake of Claire's memory. Perhaps a bit of separation will do ye both some gut fer as much as ye miss him, I guarantee that it is ye that he is thinking of that much. And when he realizes that, then it is when he will be ready."

"He implied that it was only a matter of time."

"Then, sister," Jenny looked at her evenly, "It is perhaps not Jamie who needs to trust," she said, bluntly.

Eleanor closed her eyes and nodded. "You are so right, Jenny. I told him I did, and I meant it at the time, but in practice, it is a little harder."

"It always is," Jenny reached over and patted her hand, "Now tell me about Edinburgh."

She smiled and reached for a piece of bread. "it was quite enjoyable actually."

"This Lord John..." Jenny raised an eyebrow.

Eleanor chuckled, "I know the history between the Scots and the English and Jamie and John's complicated history, but he is a good man. If there is something that Jamie is in trouble with- I do trust Lord John."

"Then do you like him?" Jenny gave her a disbelieving look.

"Yes, very much so," Eleanor nodded, "And if he was Scottish, you would too."

Jenny snorted. "Fair enough, sister. Fair enough."

"Do you mean to tell me that somebody is taking this child's tale and trying to stage a rebellion with it?" Hal asked his brother, his voice holding his disbelief.

"Yes," John said, calmly, "moreover, it not only threatens the crown, but Fraser's family."

"What a blasted mess," Hal retorted. "How is Captain Fraser taking it?"

"With each day passing, he becomes more restless and eager to get it resolved. His wife is expecting. He knows this information in the wrong hands could prove problematic for the safety of his expanding family."

"What is Fraser's wife like?" Hal asked, curiously. "Is she Scottish?"

"No, she is from the colonies," John replied. "They met while she was traveling in Scotland. The poor dear lost her husband and children and Fraser married her."

"He always had a strong sense of honor," Hal said, seriously, "What is she like?"

"Eleanor is very..." he paused, "I don't quite know how to describe her. She is unlike any I've met. She's opinionated. Intelligent. Witty. She's so very amusing at times."

Hal chuckled, "A well match for Fraser then. A battle of wills often, eh?"

"Yes, indeed," John said, "but she is very emphatic, sensitive, kind..."

"You like her then," Hal said.

"Enormously. I count her as a friend," John said, "Which is why I want to continue to aid Jamie in this."

Hal frowned, "Can you really continue to part yourself from Isobel for that long?"

"If you approve me doing this," John said.

"You have my permission," Hal said, "Fraser has been a friend to this family. You should write to Isobel though. You have been gone too long."

"Of course, I shall," John said, calmly. "I will write her tonight."

Hal nodded. "Good."

Jamie awoke with a start. He sat up, his heart beating through his chest.

God, may she be safe. Her and the bairn.

He said it out of instinct and yet...It was not about Claire.

Jamie closed his eyes tightly, trying to regulate his breathing.

Tonight, Eleanor had invaded his dreams, his desire for her was so strong. He missed her in the very depths of his soul.

Forgive me, mo nighean donn. I did not mean fer this to happen.

For in that moment, he realized what John had said the last night in Edinburgh was true- he did love Eleanor. Deeply.

God, may Sassanach be safe. Her and the bairn. May she be happy with Frank.

And for the first time, that thought did not make him want to rip his heart out.

I will come back to ye, Eleanor, mo ghraidh. Dinna fash. God, may she be safe and content, her and our sweet bairn.

He just prayed it would be sooner rather than later. He had something very important to share with his wife.

A/N: A shorter chapter- they will not be a part for long. :)