A/N: Thank you to ALL who have taken the time to read and review! I love hearing all your thoughts! Happy belated Thanksgiving!

Chapter 17:

Eleanor rolled over, trying to get herself out of the sleep to deal with Mac's wails. She was so weary- she had forgotten how taxing the sleepless nights were. Jamie grunted and then managed to get himself out of bed to pick up their screaming child.

"I think he wants to eat," Jamie said, patting the bairn's back, his touch gentle, while he carefully jiggled him up and down.

Eleanor covered her head, "I just fed him. Like an hour ago. He shouldn't be hungry already."

"He's gnawing though," Jamie adjusted him again on his shoulder. "He is hungry, poor lad. He's trying to eat my shirt."

Eleanor groaned in her pillow. "Just five more minutes, Mac, sweet boy. Five more minutes."

"mo ghraidh," Jamie sat on the bed next to her with the baby. "Just roll over and I can help ye. Come, my love. The bairn needs to eat if he is hungry."

Eleanor managed to wake herself up enough to sit up. "No, I got him."

Mac immediately settled at her breast. "Good Lord, James Fraser, your child is just as insatiable for food as you are for sex."

Jamie threw back his head and laughed. "Aye, I dinnae deny that is true on both accounts." He chuckled more, amused at her statement.

"Thank you for getting him for me."

"Yer welcome. I figured ye were havin trouble movin when his wails got louder."

"And you are always so spry all the time," Eleanor said, almost begrudgingly.

"I dinnae have to deliver the bairn. Ye are still recovering from that wretched process."

"I have always been one who needs sleep," Eleanor admitted, "though I am still very sore- a week later. I fear it will be a few weeks before I feel back to normal."

"Aye, I suspect so." Jamie leaned over to kiss her head and then large hand reached to cradle the baby's head as he nursed. He talked to the wee un in Gaelic, watching over him and her as the bairn nursed in the wee hours of the night.

Eleanor sighed at the sweet gesture. Jamie was enthralled with Mac. He was quick to help her. Her emotions had been wrought the past week and he had tenderly cared for her as well as the bairn. While he was gone in the fields during the day, he would stop in quite frequently to ensure that she was well.

"Is the harvest good?"

"Plentiful," Jamie said. "Thankfully even with the storm."

Eleanor sighed. "That's good." She was unable to fight her eyes drooping. They were so heavy, she closed them.

"Aye, tis verra gut."

"I should help Jenny tomorrow. I must try not to be such a nuisance. It's been a week. I have not been used to being so confined. I went home from the hospital after two days and then with Charlotte was born, I had Harry...oh my sweet babies..."

She leaned her head back to rest on Jamie's shoulder and promptly fell asleep. She barely was aware of Jamie carefully prying the babe off her breast, breaking his sucking with his pinky and very carefully holding him in one arm, while trying to move his wife off of him. He burped the babe and put him back down.

"Rest well, son. No more wakin yer mama up or she is goin to be frightful in the morning. Prickly as a porcupine and between ye and I," he leaned over the cradle, his voice conspiratorially, "We will all suffer the consequences, my wee un."

"How is Ellie?" Jenny asked as Jamie buttered his bread.

"I think she is tired of her confinement."

"Aye," Jenny nodded. "Or perhaps just weary?"

"Wee un not sleeping well at all."

"To be expected."

"Fer certain, but still it doesna make it easy on the lass, does it?"

"It does not," Jenny concurred. "Have ye thought on when ye want the wee un baptized?"

Jamie paused, "I hadn't discussed it with Eleanor."

"Soon though, James," Jenny said, "He is a healthy un fer certain, but it is best to do so soon."

Jamie frowned, "I will discuss it with Eleanor tonight and then inform the Father of our decision."

Jenny nodded. "Verra gut, brother. Dinnae ye think that Ellie will want her bairn baptized?"

"I dinnae ken, Janet," James retorted. "She isna a Papist."

"I ken, but even so...and godparents, have ye not discussed that with her as well?"

"Nah, not yet," Jamie looked sheepish, "I have just been so content enjoying the wee un."

"Well, with yer pension for trouble, James, it's best ye do that one soon as well."

"Aye, point taken," Jamie reached for another piece of bread.

Eleanor frowned as she nursed Mac again the next night before bed. "Why the rush, Jamie?" Eleanor asked, offering the bairn her pinky while he nursed.

"Weel," Jamie returned her frown, trying to choose his words carefully, "on account of the fact that...many bairns...may not..." he stopped. "weel, see their first birthday."

Eleanor flinched as if she had been smacked, "Oh my God, Jamie!"

Jamie went over to sit next to her on the bed. "Mac is healthy, lass, but ye dinnae ken what will happen so it is best to ensure their salvation...in case..."

"But..." Eleanor swallowed hard. "Um..." she took another breath. "I need to think for a minute, okay?"

"Aye," Jamie nodded, seriously, "I suspected ye might need a few minutes."

She watched the baby as he nursed, not sure of what to say to Jamie. She moved Mac to her other side and continued to think.

And when he was done, she put him up on her shoulder and burped him and then cuddled him as he fell asleep against him.

"Do ye want me to take him and put him in his cradle?" Jamie asked, putting the book that he was reading aside.

Ellie shook her head, "I want to hold him."

"I have scarrit ye," Jamie sighed, "Eleanor, mo ghraidh. Ye mustn't fash over what we canna help."

"Yes, I know that," Eleanor patted the bairn's bottom as he laid on her shoulder. "Logically, I know that, Jamie. But you tell me that we have to baptize him because most children die..."

"I dinnae say most," Jamie interjected. "I said it is a possibility."

"Very well, it's a possibility," Eleanor countered. "I just don't know...I mean...are you asking me if or when?"

"When, mostly," Jamie admitted.

"But..." Eleanor titled her head. "I am his parent too."

"Aye," Jamie said."Do ye object? I thought Presbyterians baptize their bairns."

"Yes, though Will didn't agree, so we didn't Charlotte and Harry, but it's not the baptism I disagree with...more some of the other tenants of the faith- are we raising Mac as a Catholic..." she paused.

"Papist," Jamie corrected.

"Fine...Papist..." Eleanor bit her lip, "Are we?"

Jamie rubbed his face, "Aye, I think we must."

"Because...?"

"Because we are living in the Highlands."

"Okay, but..." Eleanor shifted the baby. "Do I not have a say?"

Jamie fell quiet and Eleanor got up to put the baby in his cradle.

"Ye should put the blanket on him, it's cold." Jamie said.

"He can't have anything in the cradle," Eleanor countered, gently rocking the cradle with her hand, when Mac began to squawk. "Let me swaddle him. I know Jenny said now the doctors discourage it, but...Henry was swaddled and that was just last year, and I'm pretty certain three hundred years from how they will go back to swaddling, so..." She grabbed a thin blanket and wrapped it around the baby. "There you are, sweetheart." she leaned down to rub his face, "Settle down. Mama and Da have to have a talk." She inclined her head, "Are you sure about da?"

"Aye," Jamie nodded. "It's simple. Like Mac."

"It is that," Eleanor handed Mac to Jamie. "See if you can get him to settle again."

Jamie managed to get his son quiet again, putting him back in the cradle. "Tell me why no blanket again."

"Babies have died from suffocation. Nothing in the cradle, Jamie."

"Verra weel," Jamie nodded. "Now can we talk?"

"Sure, we can," Eleanor went to sit next to him on the bed, "If you mean talk and not tell me."

"Lass," Jamie let out a frustrated breath. "I canna seem to get past yer will these days."

"I'm not a child that you have to break my will," Eleanor said. "I am your wife."

"Aye, and I am yer husband," Jamie said. "And considering that ye believed in baptism and consented not to because of Will's wishes, then I have to think..."

"Wait," Eleanor's eyes widened, "don't you dare compare!"

"That's all ye have been doin our whole marriage!" Jamie countered. "I think it is only fair fer me to do the same. Now ye can ken how it feels!"

Eleanor grunted, knowing full right that he was correct. "Go on then. Speak your mind."

"I have to think ye are just arguing to argue with me," Jamie crossed his arms. "Maybe because we havena settled our last fight, or is that no the way it is?"

"Our child is a week old, Jamie, but do you really want to go there with me tonight?"

"No, I dinnae want to, but ye seem to want to," Jamie countered.

"I don't want to..." Eleanor said, shifting. "The thing of the matter is...Will and I were bring up the children as Presbyterian, but I conceded on this point to him because everything else was similar in our beliefs, but..."

"And ye conceded to him because he is yer husband and ye respected his wishes?"

"Of course I did," Eleanor said, flushing.

"And ye dinnae mine?"

Eleanor let out a breath. "We are from two different worlds, Jamie. You cannot feel slighted because of it. I respect you just as much as I did Will. And I love you just as much as well. But Will never beat me..."

He pointed his finger at her, "Will ye no let that go?"

"No, I won't," Eleanor said. "Why would I?"

"Because, I willna touch ye in that way unless ye consent to allow me to," Jamie said. "I am a man of my word, but is that ye no respect me but ye no trust me as well?"

"Oh God," Eleanor shook her head. "Jamie, stop. How did this get so out of control? Can we just bask in the fact that we made this incredibly sweet, adorable little boy together? That we both love each other? Do we have to deal with all of this now? I can barely hold my head up, I'm so exhausted. Please give me time."

"We must baptize the wee un."

"Can we talk about it when I feel better?" Eleanor asked. "We were not married in a church, in front of a priest and you did not have any objections to that, so in my mind, waiting a few weeks to baptize Mac shouldn't hurt him."

Jamie paused. "Eleanor."

"What?"

"Do you not feel our handfasting vows were sufficient?"

She let out a breath, "It's just different. But I trust you when you say it is legal. So, as long as we are legally married...then I do not care."

Jamie let out another breath and then leaned over to kiss her gently on the lips. "Ye look shattered, lass. Ye should go to sleep while ye can. I dinna mean to upset ye. Why dinnae ye think on it?"

"When or if?" Eleanor looked at Jamie, wearily.

"Just think on it all," Jamie said. "Will ye no do that for us?"

"Of course I will," Eleanor launched herself at Jamie, "I'm sorry. I should not have said all of that."

"I spoke out of turn as well," Jamie squeezed her tightly. "We will talk on it when ye feel stronger and more like yerself."

"I'm dreaming of Harry and Charlotte, Jamie," Eleanor confessed into his shoulder.

He held her even tighter, "Ye are so shattered, lass. Yer dreams must be affected."

"I have Mac," Eleanor began to weep, "but I want Harry and Charlotte. I must be dead to them by now."

"My love," Jamie's voice was hoarse, "What can I do?"

"Hold me while I fall asleep."

"Of course," Jamie said, shifting her in his arms, "Go to sleep now, Eleanor."

Eleanor cried herself to sleep in Jamie's arms, her emotions overwrought from exhaustion and all the changes that come along with childbirth.

Two weeks later, Jamie crawled into bed and Eleanor turned into his arms.

"Is the wee un asleep?"

"Yes, he was extra fussy tonight. That is why I had to take him upstairs."

"I should have come and helped."

"You have helped plenty," Eleanor countered. "You and Fergus and Murtagh were having such a jolly conversation, I did not want to interrupt it."

"Aye," Jamie smiled at her in the moonlight.

"I want us to talk now."

"Are ye certain?" Jamie asked. "That babe will be up soon again and..."

"It is not that late," Eleanor said.

"No, tis not," Jamie admitted. "I wanted to come up to see you."

"Good," Eleanor reached to touch his curl, twisting it in her finger. "I like that you want to be with me."

"Aye," Jamie let out a long breath. "Perhaps, I should go sit over there, unless ye think we can."

She smiled at him, "Not for another few weeks. And even then...I'm horribly fat and squishy."

"Ye are bonny regardless and even more so," he gave her a long kiss, "because ye have given me such a braw lad."

"Hum," Eleanor buried her head in his shoulder, digging herself closer to him, "It will not be as you remember."

Jamie patted her back, "How so?" he asked, seriously.

"There is always some adjustment...and right now, the thought..." she grimaced and Jamie pulled away.

"I see," he said, seriously, "I did not anticipate that it would be so troublesome fer ye." He frowned and paused, contemplating the thought. "But that does make sense, now that ye mention it, mo ghraidh. After what ye went through, twill be no wonder if ye are weary aboot it..."

"So, then, we should wait longer, right?" Eleanor said, her voice even. "Don't you think?"

"Aye, perhaps, so. I dinnae want to trouble ye over it," Jamie said, "How long would be long enough?"

"Probably a year," Eleanor retorted, seriously.

Jamie sat up quickly, startled. "A year?" He looked horrified and then resigned.

Eleanor giggled. "That was too easy."

"Oh, ye wee besom," Jamie growled. "Wait until I get my hands on ye..."

Eleanor laughed again."You looked so perturbed."

"Aye, I was, truth be told. Ye were fooling this entire time then?"

Eleanor sobered up, "Um, not really," She made a face. "It is uncomfortable at first. I mean...alot happened, if you know what I mean."

"Ah," Jamie nodded, "I dinnae think ye were foolin. And aye, I was there. I ken yer meaning well."

Eleanor blushed, "Oh God. That is why I did not want you to deliver the bairn. I thought you would never look at me the same."

Jamie rubbed her cheek, "Dinna fash, lassie. I still want ye so badly. Tis a wonder, childbearin, tis all. But I dinna want ye to hurt over it. What must we do to make it better?"

"Well," Eleanor shifted, "You will have to be really gentle the first couple of times. I'm serious...slow and gentle. Got it?"

"Aye, I will, verra gentle," Jamie said, nipping at her neck, "slow as a snail."

"Not too slow though," Eleanor said, "the quicker it is over and done with, the better."

Jamie looked horrified. "This is like bedding a virgin all over again."

Eleanor looked incredulous, "How many virgins have you bedded?"

"Just the one," Jamie said, quickly. "Willie's mama."

"Ah, yes, alright," Eleanor said, "I'm just trying to be realistic."

"Nah, ye are tryin to set expectations low," Jamie retorted. "But it dinnae matter and do ye ken why?"

"Why is that?"

"Because," he nipped at her ear and then whispered, "I love ye and ye love me...enough to be patient and understanding and strive fer it to get better. And it will," he smacked at her bum gently.

"That is true," she whispered, nearly melting under his sweet words.

"And," he bit her ear harder, causing her to yelp, "when ye are used to me again, I'm goin to.." he paused and then whispered in her ear, "Remember that night in Edinburgh? I'm goin to give it to you even better than that..."

Eleanor gulped. "Will you really?" her voice cracked.

Jamie, nodded. "Aye," he said, seriously, "And I have weeks to think on how to rival that night."

Eleanor paused and then said, "Maybe I should go sit over there now."

Jamie threw back his head and laughed. "Feeling like ye want it too, mo ghraidh?"

"Oh my," She swallowed hard, "In the worst way..."

"Ye are shivering. Are ye cold?" he chuckled and then wrapped her up more tightly in his arms. "There ye are."

"I really did want to talk tonight."

"Weel, that should cool our desire, right quickly," Jamie retorted.

She smacked him, lightly. "Might not be a bad thing, right about now. We can't too soon and this conversation is working us both up."

"Aye, I ken," Jamie said. "Verra well. I suppose if ye want to talk, then ye have thought over what we talked about a few weeks ago."

"I have," Eleanor said. "Let's talk about your thoughts on the matter and I will tell you mine."

"We can do that," Jamie said.

And into the wee hours of the night, they communicated openly with each other without it being a battle of wills. They listened intently to the others point of view and sought understanding. Mac got fussy and Eleanor fed him as they continued to talk, focused on each other.

And when he fell back asleep, Eleanor laid her head down, unable to keep it up. Jamie leaned over and kissed her, "Go to sleep."

"I feel like we haven't solved it."

"Nah, not the problem of the baptism, but I feel like ye and I solved another issue."

"Which was?"

"Trying to seek the best in each other, without letting our stubbornness and wills get in the way."

She smiled as she drifted to sleep, "I really do respect you just as much as Will. I just like to have my own way."

"Aye, I ken that well," Jamie said, kissing her gently. "Rest now, wife."

"Do you think Mac will be just as stubborn and short tempered?"

"Aye," Jamie said, kissing her again, "but we will love him all the same."

"I was thinking on it," Jamie said, a few weeks later, "When ye feel well enough, we can go to Edinburgh."

"What for?" Eleanor asked, folding Mac's diapers as he was lying on the bed beside her.

"We can find a minister to baptize the wee un."

She paused, bunching up the fabric of the diaper in her hand. "Are you serious?"

"Aye," Jamie went to sit on the other side of the bed. He reached out to tickle the bottom of Mac's foot and the babe awarded his Da with a big smile.

"I love that the wee un is smiling now," Jamie commented.

"I had thought you had forgotten," Eleanor said. "You have been silent for three weeks."

"I needed time to consider it."

Eleanor reached out to cover his hand, "You would do that for me...travel miles and miles so that Mac could be baptized in a faith you do not share, when you feel strongly about your own?"

"Aye," Jamie nodded. "Ye make some gut points, lassie. I dinnae say I agree with them, but ye are canny enough to ken yer own mind and I respect the way ye think."

Eleanor closed her eyes and sighed deeply. She loved him so. She swallowed and opened her eyes.

"Go see the Father. We'll baptize Mac as soon as we can."

"Eleanor, I dinnae say it fer ye to..."

"I know, Jamie," Ellie interrupted. "And you and I will have to discuss further what to actually teach Mac about our faith, but the tenants of both of our faith is the same, when it comes down to it. And the fact that you would cede to my wishes...I cannot begin to describe how much that means to me..." she leaned to kiss him. "Let's baptize our bairn...and then let's give him to Aunt Jenny for a little while."

"Oh, why is that?" Jamie asked, between kisses.

"I need some time with you, my love."

Jamie gripped her face, "I look forward to it, but maybe we should separate unless ye want that day be today."

Eleanor pulled away, "Very well."

Jamie rolled over out of bed. "We got a package from Lord John. I forgot to show you," Jamie said.

Eleanor's face lit up. "We did?!"

Jamie chuckled. "Aye. I haven't had a time to read his letter, but I did see there was a separate note fer ye."

He retrieved the package and letters. He read through his, chuckling.

"What's so funny?"

"John's reaction to Mac's birth," Jamie said. "And the situation ye got us in. I think he is glad fer Isobel's even temper."

Eleanor swatted at him, "Lord John likes me, Jamie."

"Aye, he does," Jamie admitted. "I actually think he would have done well with a woman like yerself...fiesty enough to keep him on his toes...and canna help to incite feelings in...even if it is ones of anger."

"Such a endearing assessment of my charms," she swatted at him again. She opened up the letter, smiling widely as she did.

"He sends his warmest congratulations...and his hope that Mac will have my temperament..." she laughed, delighted. "Oh and he offered a response to my thoughts on the book...and sent a new one...along with..." she unwrapped the package to reveal..."Jamie," Eleanor's voice grew horse. "This is lovely."

It was a beautiful christening gown...simple yet stunning. It was similar to the style that she had admired when they were out in Edinburgh months before. He had remembered.

"He hopes that it will be worn by the first of many wee Frasers," Eleanor sniffled. "I know...this has to be hard on him...and yet...he is always so unbelievably generous and kind to me."

Jamie reached over to put his arm around her, "He cares fer ye as well, lassie. But what made him think of that?"

Eleanor wiped her eyes, "I admired it before...one similar to this. I wish he could find that happiness that we have."

"Maybe he will with Isobel...he said that he was going to strive to do better by her."

Eleanor carefully put the gown aside. "He can't help who he is, Jamie."

"I ken," Jamie said, "and he is a fine man and friend, but this is the time we live in, so he has to find a way."

Eleanor let out her breath. "Do you ever think we will see him again?"

"I dinnae ken, but I suppose ye can never ken what direction life will take us in..." Jamie said.

Eleanor looked at Jamie for a moment, disconcerted for a moment.

"What's wrong with ye?" Jamie asked, frowning. "Ye had the most peculiar expression."

"I had the most peculiar feeling," Eleanor retorted.

"What kind of feeling?" Jamie pressed.

Eleanor shrugged, "I couldn't describe it. It was fleeting anyway."

Eleanor watched as Murtagh tenderly held Mac in his big hands, Jenny by his side as Mac's godparents.

Jamie stood with her on the side, his arm around her waist.

The priest placed oil on Mac's chest.

For the war against evil, and the practice of good, thou needest strengthening through the grace of him who hath redeemed us from our sins. Therefore I anoint thee with the oil of salvation in Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen.

Jamie pulled her closer into his side as tears spilled down her face. He looked at her for a moment, their eyes meeting. He knew that she was thinking of what he might have to face in his life...for all the evils that his father had faced in his short life in this place and time. Eleanor prayed for grace and for strength for Mac...and to become a man similar to his father, who strength and honor knew no rival.

The priest took the water and poured the water in the form of a cross on the head of the bairn, Mac beginning to squawk.

I baptize thee, James MacKenzie Fraser, in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Almightly God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath regenerated thee by water and the Holy Ghost, anoint thee with the chrism of salvation in the same Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

"Amen," Jamie whispered and then went to take his son from Murtagh. He gave his son a kiss on the forehead. "God bless ye." He took the bairn and handed it to Eleanor.

"Thank ye, mo ghraidh," his voice was hoarse as tears filled his own eyes.

She nodded, unable to find the words to speak. For the moment touched her deeply as well.

Jamie rubbed her leg, gently, his arm around her as she snuggled into him, breathing deeply.

"How are ye faring, Mistress Fraser?" Jamie asked.

"Grateful for you," she said, honestly. "Thank you for being so understanding and kind. I know you had to restrain yourself some, but..."

"Of course, mo ghraidh, ye dinnae have to thank me for that," Jamie kissed her, while still rubbing her leg. "Thank ye fer yer willingness to fight yer worries."

She smiled into his chest, "It's hard to put being a mama aside to be a wife...especially at first."

"Aye," Jamie said. "I can understand that."

"Speaking of that," Eleanor leaned up, "Do you sometimes worry about what Mac will have to face in this life?"

"Aye, all the time," Jamie said, seriously, "But tis best not to dwell over it, lass," He reached to gently touch her chest.

She bit her lip. "Sometimes, I wonder..." she paused, suddenly feeling almost an awful foreshadowing. The moment happened again as it had done earlier when talking about Lord John...but this time, the feeling was more prolonged.

"What do ye wonder?" Jamie asked, his eyes studying her.

"About the future...and what it will bring."

"There is one thing I ken..." Jamie sat up and kissed her again, "whatever the future brings, we will face it together."

"I love you so."

"As I do," Jamie said, "And I will love ye until I have no more breath in my being."

Eleanor's heart overflowed. Yet even as he said those sweet words, she could not anticipate what the years would bring...for her...and for Jamie...and for the sweet family they were forming together...a family that would only grow larger...and a family that would be tested beyond what they could even imagine possible.

For what rational mind could conceive...what rational mind could anticipate what was to come...

For in fact, looking back, years later...it was all rather inconceivable.

But even then, the vow Jamie made to her that night...in spite of everything that would come, she knew it would still hold true.