Five years later:
Eleanor watched the rippling of the water as the crew was fixing the mast of the ship. The rocking of the ship was adding to her nausea but she searched for calmness even as the water was continue to churn around her. She held onto the ledge, her eyes closed. Her mind fixated on a memory to quell the panic that was rising in her.
"What shall we name him?" Jamie asked Eleanor as he held his newest bairn. Two year old Mac was on the bed with them.
"Baby. Baby bro," Mac said as Eleanor wrapped her eldest son in her arms. Her labor had been much quicker, but still there was a point she wanted to give up. She had insisted Jenny get Jamie and Jamie took one look at her, got in her face and commanded her to keep going. Like Mac's birth, it was the push she needed to get through the hardest part. And Jamie was by her side when they welcomed their second son into the world. It was unheard of for this time, but Jamie knew that she needed him. And he was there for her despite what propriety dictated.
"That's right, Mac, sweetheart, this is your brother. Isn't he cute?"
"Aye," Mac nodded, solemnly.
"He's going to be just as braw as ye are," Jamie ruffled Mac's red curls. "So have ye thought of a name yet, Mistress Fraser?"
"Well," Eleanor thought for a moment, "What do you think of Samuel?"
Jamie looked at the lad and thought it over, "Aye," he nodded in agreement.
"And..." Eleanor titled her head. "I think we should make Lord John his godfather."
"But he isna Papist."
"Well, neither am I," Ellie pointed out. "Samuel John Fraser. Shall we write to him?"
Jamie met her eyes, amused. "Aye, we shall," Jamie nodded, "A fine name fer a fine, lad. Thank ye, Eleanor."
She reached up to pull him down for a kiss. "Thank you, my love." She whispered in his ear, "Two wee lads and we'll never get a moment of peace again."
He chuckled, "Aye, it will be verra fine indeed."
She opened her eyes and her stomach nearly revolted. She took a cleansing breath. And another. One more time. One more memory.
"A lass?" Jamie's voice was hoarse. Four year old Mac and two year old Sam sat on the bed with them, each of them bouncing, jiggling the bed up and down.
"Lads," Jamie grunted and they stopped.
"With red wisps like her Papa," Eleanor said, tears spilling over as she fingered the baby's head. "Oh, Jamie, isn't she so sweet?"
"Aye," Jamie nodded, in awe of his daughter, "She is bonny. Just like her Mama."
"What shall we name her?"
"Rose Ellen Fraser," Jamie said decisively. He didn't even have to think of it.
"Rose?" Eleanor said, surprised. "but..."
"There is no other women I'd rather to name her after, than ye," Jamie leaned to kiss her. "Ye named Mac after me. Tis only fitting to name our wee lass after her mama."
"Jamie," Eleanor's eyes teared over. "But...I don't think I am..."
"Ye are strong," he kissed her, "and ye are canny. And ye are bonny. And I am honored to name our wee un after ye. May she grow up to be such a woman as her namesakes."
"I love you, Jamie," Eleanor said, "Thank you for getting in my face again."
"Aye," Jamie grinned. "Always glad to give ye a wee bit of a push when needed."
Eleanor smiled. "I'm so grateful for you."
Mac and Sam began wrestling on the bed and Jamie handed the bairn to Eleanor. He took each boy by the waist. "Enough, mo bhobains." he shook them and then put them down. "Look at yer sister, laddies. ye must always take care of her."
The boys came closer to the bed.
"Sissy," Sam said.
"I don't think I like girls," Mac wrinkled his nose.
Jamie leaned down, "weel that isna true, Mac. Ye love yer mama, right?"
"Aye," Mac nodded.
"Then ye will love Rosie as well," Jamie said, confidently. "I love my sister- yer Aunt Jenny."
"Aye, I love Aunt Jenny too," Mac said.
"And I am verra glad to hear that, Mac," Jenny said. "Come, my lads. Let's go tell Uncle Ian that ye have a wee sister to love."
"Da," Mac tugged at him, "May I stay with Mama?"
Eleanor looked at Mac's solemn expression. "Jamie."
"Aye," Jamie nodded to Jenny.
He picked up his son, "What is troubling ye, my wee un?"
"There was alot of hollering with mama."
Eleanor looked over from where she was gazing at the baby. "Mac, my love. I'm sorry I made so much noise."
Jamie held him close, "Havin a babe is hard work, Mac. Mama is going to be just fine." He kissed his son's head. "Dinnae fash, my Mac."
Eleanor's eyes met Jamie's. "Come and sit next to me for a while. We can sing to the baby."
Jamie grinned at her because he knew how well she sung. She began the song she would sing over the wee uns each and every night...
"Jesus loves me this I know...For the Bible tells me so..."
Eleanor put her arms around Mac as she rocked the baby..."Little ones to him belong. They are weak, but he is strong..."
Eleanor opened her eyes, the tears splaying across her face. Her fingers went to lightly move across her stomach. Her cape billowed around her in the wind as Murtagh came beside her.
"Are ye well, lass?" he asked, his eyes creased in concern.
"It has been a hard journey," Eleanor said, "and a long one. I did not think the wind would ever come again. One month of completely standing still. How is that possible? It is no wonder that we didn't lose our minds."
"Aye," he nodded.
"And they seem to be slipping more and more out of our grasp," Eleanor continued, the tears falling heavier now. "How many more weeks?"
"I dinna ken," Murtagh said.
"Hand me a looking glass," Jamie called.
Eleanor turned her attention towards Jamie. "What is it, Jamie?" she asked.
"I dinnae ken, mo ghraidh," he answered. He placed the spy glass to his eye. "Christ...it canna be."
"Lad?" Murtagh called.
"Sassenach!" Jamie called out, his voice filled with passion.
"What?" Eleanor turned, but Murtagh grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back to him.
Chaos surrounded the ship as Jamie commanded men to get the rowboat. The looking glass lay discarded by the mast.
Eleanor went over to grab it, Murtagh still watching. She looked to see Jamie and Claire running through the water towards each other.
Murtagh reached for the looking glass, "Dinnae do this to yerself, m'eudail. We must return to the way things were."
Eleanor bit her lip and turned away from him. "I don't know if you can do that." Her hair whipped in her face as her cape kept swirling around her.
"Why is that?" he surveyed her as she went grabbed her hair to hold it still as it was getting into her mouth.
"Because..." Eleanor paused, "I'm pregnant."
Murtagh let out a long breath and then reached for her, "Dinnae say anything else."
He led her to their cabin away from the deck...and away from her heartbreak once again.
One Year Earlier:
"Boys," Eleanor reached to pull Mac and Sam away from each others. "For goodness sake. Stop. Do I need to get yer Da?"
"No," Mac shook his head, "I'm sorry, Sam."
"Sorwy, Mac," Sam said.
"Good," She juggled two month year old Rosie, who was sleeping against her. She leaned down to kiss both boys. "Maybe go outside to visit your Da. Or Ian should be home from school soon."
Eleanor eyed the blocks.
"Or maybe go build the blocks Da made you. You can build a tower," Eleanor said. "And then knock it down. It will be so much fun!"
"Aye!" Mac said, "Let's Sam. Let's."
The boys settled down and Eleanor let out her breath. Sam and Mac were active- much as she sure Jamie was as a lad. And with Rosie wanting to nurse every two hours still, it made things dicey at times, balancing the needs of her brood.
"How are things?" Jenny asked as she came into the room.
"Good Lord, Jenny. I do not know how you did it with all your bairns," Eleanor said.
Jenny laughed, "Ye'll find yer way, sister. Three bairns are an adjustment, because yer outnumbered," she said.
"That is true," Eleanor laughed with her. "Do you have the herbs? I can help you prepare them."
"Aye," Jenny said. The women worked side by side, but Jenny went to take a meal to Ian and Jamie in the field. The boys began to throw the blocks, much to Ellie's chagrin, when there was a knock on the door.
Rosie started cry. "Mac," Eleanor said, sharply. "Watch your brother."
Eleanor went to answer the door and paused in her tracks. She had that feeling again in her stomach, the same one that she had right after Mac's birth.
"Hello, may I help you?" Eleanor asked, forcing a welcoming smile.
"I'm sorry, is this still the home of Jenny and Ian Murray?" The woman said.
"It is..." Eleanor said as Mac came up beside her, Sam toddling behind.
"I thought I said to stay with your brother, James Mackenzie Fraser," Eleanor snapped, Rosie continuing to cry.
"I wanted to see," Mac stomped his feet. "Why can't I see?"
The women looked shocked. Her face was paled and Eleanor studied her expression. "I'm sorry, I should not have come," she said, shaking. "I should not have come."
Eleanor's heart hammered as realization dawned on her. Somehow, she just knew.
The woman went to turn to flee.
"Claire, wait!" The words rushed out before Eleanor could stop them.
The woman stopped.
Eleanor's heart felt like it was going to shatter in a million pieces. She swallowed hard and took another breath. She turned to her son and bent down. Juggling Rosie, she put a hand on Mac's arm and forced the next words out of her mouth, "Mac, my darling, go get Da. Tell him mama needs to see him right now." She straightened and he ran off to do her bidding.
"I should go," Claire looked distressed. "I do not want to...I would have never if I had known."
Eleanor shut her eyes tightly and stepped towards her. She reached out to lightly touch her arm. "I know that."
"You have a beautiful family..." Claire said, her words rushed. "The children. They look just like Jamie."
Rosie's wails became more insistent as her angry cry began to fill he air.
"I'm so sorry," Eleanor shifted the baby, "She wants to eat. She gets quite put out if I don't right away."
"It's alright," Claire said. "I should go though."
"Please don't..." Eleanor let out a breath, "Jamie has to see you. Claire," She jiggled the baby again, "I understand what you went through to come here," She looked her in the eyes. "I know."
"Did he tell you about how I came here?"
"Yes," Eleanor said. "I know all about it. Please stay."
"I don't want to..." Claire swallowed hard, fighting her tears, "I cannot disrupt what he has. It is best for all if I just go before he does. Just..." she reached in her pocket, "Will you give him this?"
Eleanor took the bundle and looked down at the photographs, "Is this your daughter?"
"Brianna," Claire nodded. "Tell him that she is safe. She is happy. She knows about him."
"She is beautiful. He never has forgotten about you or her." Tears filled Eleanor's eyes before she could stop them and began to run down her face, "Claire, Please. I can't let you go and ever look Jamie in the eyes again. No matter what happens it will affect things," she handed the photographs back to Claire. "Please just stay and talk to Jamie."
She nodded and Eleanor led her into the study.
Claire sat down and Eleanor sat as well.
"I'm sorry, but, do you mind?" she adjusted the baby.
"Of course not," Claire said. "She seems quite hungry."
Eleanor used the blanket to shield her as the baby nursed. "She is hungry all the time." Eleanor patted the couch. "Sam, come sit up here, please."
Sam toddled over and climbed upon the couch.
Eleanor put an arm around him as she nursed Rosie.
"I really should go," Claire said, watching Eleanor.
"It will be okay," Eleanor to her. "I don't know how...but...it will be okay."
"Okay?" Claire paused, frowning. "Are you from..." she paused again, struggling to put the pieces together. "Your accent. You are not British or Scottish. Are you from the colonies?"
"Yes, Virginia, but not as you think."
"You said okay," Claire mused.
Eleanor blushed. "Yes," she bit her lip, "I go back to my 21st century speak when I am nervous or distressed."
"My God," Claire said, her mouth dropping. "You are from the future."
"Yes," Eleanor nodded. "I am. It was 2019 when I left."
"I'm sure that is a story to tell," Claire said.
"It is," Eleanor shifted the bairn in her arms. "One I still not conceive of still...it's all so absurd."
"Eleanor!" Jamie came in the study, Mac in his arms. "What is the matter, mo ghraidh?"
He froze when he saw Claire sitting there. The blood had drained out of his face and Eleanor thought he might faint.
"Sassanach!" He grunted as he swayed.
Murtagh, who had followed Jamie inside, rushed forward to steady him. "Easy, lad."
Murtagh took Mac out of Jamie's arms, putting him down.
"Christ," Murtagh whispered, his mouth dropping open. "Claire, it it truly ye?"
Sam had jumped down off the couch and began to thunder around the room.
Claire rose. "Yes, it is I."
Rosie started to scream again as Eleanor had unlatched her quickly when Jamie came into the room.
Eleanor watched Jamie as he stared at Claire, unable to speak. His eyes had begun to tear and he was oblivious to Mac's tugs, Sam's running and Rosie's screams. It was nothing short of chaos and yet, Jamie made no move to bring order. He was frozen to his spot, his eyes connected to Claire.
Finally, Murtagh side swept him and grabbed Sam by the hand, bending down to give him a firm word.
Eleanor allowed Rosie to chew on her finger, but she refused to be pacified, upset her meal had abruptly ended and Eleanor felt her shirt soak with milk.
"God help me," she whispered. "I cannot watch this."
And then suddenly, Jamie was aware of her presence. Still, he did not look at her, his eyes fixed on Claire.
"Eleanor, go take the children and tend to them in the other room."
She bit her lip and then turned her head away, unable to take Jamie's expression any longer. She knew...she understood in that moment, how much Jamie had longed for the day- the day he never imagined possible.
Still, she was unable to move and Jamie's voice turned stern, "Do so now, mo ghraidh." He couldn't even look at her. But he did still use his nickname for her...he was trying to ease the blow. He was trying to protect her heart even as he was unable to shield his reaction to Claire's return.
Jenny had come into the room and covered her mouth and whispered a rush of Gaelic.
"Janet," Jamie's voice was firm, "Will ye not help Eleanor with the bairns?"
Jenny turned to Eleanor and immediately went to her side, "Come sister." She reached for Mac's hand. "Ye too, wee un."
"Aye," Murtagh nodded and reached for Sam, picking him up, "Come lad. Let's go clean up yer blocks. Da and I almost tripped over them."
Jenny wrapped her arm around her waist and guided her out the door.
Eleanor allowed them to all lead her away. In that moment, she realized...even if Jamie did send Claire away, their marriage would never be the same. Because she saw Jamie's heart in that moment. And it wasn't for her...
Eleanor paced the hallway, the bairn still in her arms.
"Ye should go sit down," Murtagh said, his arm on hers. "This is not gut fer ye. Ye are so pale. Ye will fall with the bairn in yer arms still."
"I don't want to sit," She closed her eyes, biting her lip hard, tasting blood. Seeing Jamie with Claire, the way his eyes met hers. The way he commanded her to go tend the children. Ordered her away. She understood why. It was for the protection of her own heart, and she couldn't fault him for that but still...she knew. Seeing Claire had affected him. And he still loved her. Very much. And she was his wife. Eleanor's marriage would be declared null and void.
Eleanor began to cry, "I need your help, Murtagh."
"What is it?" Murtagh turned her towards him.
"I need you to..." she let out her breath. "help me find a way to let him go."
"Ye have three bairns yer raisin together," Murtagh said. "What makes ye think that he will let ye go?"
"And they were married in a church...we were handfasted...legally, I have no grounds to stand."
"If they want to be with each other again...ye make a big assumption, Ellie. It has been many, many years."
"There are times that he still calls for her in his sleep," Eleanor's tears spilled over. "How can I stand in his way?"
Murtagh looked startled. "God help us."
Mac ran up to her. "I want Da."
"Where is Sam?" Eleanor asked.
"Playin with Ian. I want Da."
"Mac," Eleanor handed Rose to Murtagh. "I need you to back and play with Ian and Sam. Do so now, please."
"I want my Da!" Mac began to stomp his feet.
"Stop it," Eleanor grabbed his arm. "You are too old for this, my love. Come. Go find Aunt Jenny."
"Eleanor," Murtagh shifted the bairn, "Take the bairn and I will handle the wee lad."
"No," Eleanor's face crumpled. "I have to do this on my own."
Mac began to thump against the door as his insistence went into a full blown tantrum. It was as if he knew, all of their lives were going to be turned upside down. She wanted to do the same. Oh, how she wanted to rail at bloody fate...
Eleanor reached to pick him up, him fighting and thumping against her. She was turning when the door opened.
"Give him here," Jamie said to her.
"I got him," Eleanor said. "I'll take him upstairs."
Jamie's eyebrows rose as he took their son from her. He smacked his bottom, causing him to welp.
"That is enough out of ye," He told him, firmly. "Where is Sam?"
"Playin with Ian." Mac pouted.
"And why are ye not with him, especially when Mama said to go?" Jamie asked, his voice stern.
"I wanted ye...and Mama was cryin."
"I wasn't," Eleanor defended.
"Ye were cryin. Da, ye made mama cry," Mac said, his fists against Jamie.
Eleanor froze, her eyes wide. "Jamie."
It was then she realized how much Mac was watching and listening. She must be more careful.
"He can come with me. Ye need to take the bairn and go to our room. Ye look like ye are goin to pass out, ye are so pale." Jamie looked at his godfather, "Murtagh, can ye help Ellie upstairs?"
Eleanor paused. Jamie never called her Ellie. She never knew why, but he always preferred her full name.
"Aye, lad," Murtagh nodded. "Ellie, come, mo buidheag."
Jamie watched them go, Mac still in his arms. "Now then," Jamie entered back the room.
Claire walked over to them. "Hello, there," she said, her voice low. "You look like your..."
"Da," Mac said. "Mama tells me that. Da smacked me."
Claire smiled at the clear play for sympathy, "I heard alot of hollering out there."
"I wanted Da and Da made mama cry."
"That's enough out of ye," Jamie smacked his bottom again. "Ye are been disrespectful to me and I canna abide by it, James MacKenzie."
"I dinna mean to be dis-re-pec-ful..." Mac pouted again. "Why is Mama crying so?"
"That is no yer concern," Jamie kissed his head. "Why don't ye go sit on the couch for a bit?"
"Who are you?" Mac asked Claire.
"That's Claire," Jamie said. "Can ye not say hello and use yer manners?"
"Hello," Mac nodded.
"Hello," Claire smiled back at him and Jamie went to deposit him on the couch.
"I'm sorry about that," Jamie said as he gestured Claire to sit again.
"Da, what are these?" Mac asked and Jamie went to where Mac was looking at the photographs.
"That is yer sister," Jamie said.
"That's not Rosie," Mac looked at him like he was crazy.
"No, that's yer sister Brianna," Jamie told him. "She lives in the colonies. Here," Jamie reached to take the photographs and put them in his pocket.
Claire bit her lip, "He must be alot like you were as a little one, Jamie."
"Aye," Jamie gave her a grin, "I think that is maybe so..."
"How is Eleanor?"
The smile faded immediately. Jamie swallowed hard, his adam apple bobbing, "She doesna look well."
"I would never...I mean...I did look, Jamie...there was no record." Claire breathed heavily. "I'm so sorry."
"Tis not yer fault," Jamie glanced at Mac, who was currently occupied with flipping through a book. He took Claire by the elbow, "I couldna have a record...there is a prophecy...folklore, I'm sure...but some people have taken it to be true...and it could cause us problems if they do."
"About what?"
"Some nonsense about how the one to restore the Scots will be of the Fraser of Lovat's line...which as far as everyone kens ends with me..."
"But doesn't because of Eleanor and your children."
"Aye."
"I see," Claire looked grim. "That makes sense. What does Eleanor say?"
Jamie paused, "She dinna ken."
"I see," Claire frowned, "Were you not married in a church?"
"No, we were handfasted," Jamie said.
"I do not want to be the cause of such pain. I will go in the morning," Claire said. She went to turn but Jamie's hand shot out to grip hers. He turned her around.
"Sassanach, I am not ready to part with ye again," he said, his voice no more than a whisper.
"I do not think we have much of a choice," Claire squeezed his hand.
"There were so many times...when I was alone and afraid...and ye would come to me...but I could never touch ye like I can now. I have longed fer ye fer so long."
Tears filled Claire's eyes. "But...do you not love Eleanor, Jamie?"
"I was so broken after ye left. I was supposed to die. I wanted to. She made me want to live. She restored my soul," Jamie told Claire. "I do love her, mo nighean donn. I dinnae ken what to say. Ye are my wife still, but she is too."
"I want to hate you for falling in love with her," Claire said. "But I can't fault you. I will leave in the morning. It is the right thing to do. I will go home to Brianna and to my job. I had a good life."
"Then why did ye come back?"
Claire's lip trembled, "I suppose there was always something missing. A hole in my heart that could not be filled despite of how hard I tried."
"I need ye to ken..." Jamie squeezed her hand, "I never stopped loving ye."
Claire gazed into his eyes, their connection strong. The tension in the room because palpable.
"Are you asking me to stay?"
Jamie let out a breath. "I'm asking ye to let us have more time to figure it out...but ye should ken, even if Eleanor did step aside, I canna turn off my feelings for her. I made a vow to her and she is the mother of my bairns. She will be in our lives and I will love her as well. I willna act on that love, but ye would have to live with that."
Claire let out a breath, "I am not ready to let you go either...not again. But...it is the right thing for everyone...especially your children."
Jamie glanced at Mac and then looked resigned, "Aye, ye are right." He leaned down and kissed her cheek.
"So, that is just that?" Eleanor said, later the night Jamie and Claire gathered with Murtagh and Eleanor around the fire. Ian and Jenny went to bed early, giving the adults privacy. "But...she is your wife."
"Eleanor," Jamie chastised. "Please stop."
"I don't want to hurt anyone," Claire interjected, "Eleanor...I knew Jamie could have moved on...loved another. I see he is happy with you."
Eleanor sat down and buried her head in her hands. "Going through the stones...willingly...leaving your child...your career...I...I don't know if I would have the courage to do so."
She stood and went over to Jamie, "You will never be complete if you let her walk out this door."
"Eleanor," Jamie's voice was hoarse, "Ye dinnae ken what ye speak."
"I do know what I speak...she is your wife. She is your legal wife, Jamie. You can have her if you want."
"Eleanor," Jamie's voice turned harsh, "I need to speak to ye. Privately."
She stilled. And then she shook her head, "No."
"Eleanor, now," He stepped out to grip her arm, but she drew away.
She shook her head again, "Do not touch me, James."
"Mo ghraidh,"Jamie's voice was low, but he had immediately dropped his hand. "I need ye to heed to what I am telling ye to do. For once in yer life, would ye just follow an order with no an argument? I wish to speak with ye. Alone."
Eleanor put her hands on her chest, "You have the chance to have what you always dreamed of...to have Claire. She is your soulmate. If Will was here," her face turned pained, "I would choose him."
Jamie froze, "Eleanor, what are ye doin?"
"I...I need to go check on Rosie. But...we'll figure this out. I just know...I cannot. We cannot be..."
She fled.
Jamie turned and met Claire's eyes, filled with uncertainty of how to make this situation right...how to react to both the women in his life.
"We are all in pain, Jamie," Claire said, quietly. "This is the way she is choosing to deal with it. You cannot fault her for feeling what she does."
"She has always been sensitive about our relationship," Jamie told Claire, his voice low. "This is just feeding on her worst fears."
"I do think I should leave in the morning. You and Eleanor will be able to sort it out."
"But now that Jenny and Ian has seen Claire alive..." Murtagh frowned. "Ye can go away, Claire, but Jamie, ye are still legally wed to her."
"Aye," Jamie nodded. "There is that matter to consider."
Claire rose, "I am going to retire as well."
"Do not leave until I see ye again," Jamie said. "Please."
"Very well," Claire nodded. "I will not leave until I see you again. I'll see you in the morning."
"Rest well, Claire," Murtagh said and the men watch her leave.
"What will ye do, lad?" Murtagh asked. Claire had gone to bed and Eleanor was still upstairs with Rosie.
"Sleep down here," Jamie said, wryly. "I dinnae think Eleanor will allow me in her room nor Claire."
"Aye, that is fer certain, but what do ye want to do, Jamie?"
"Ye ken how much I love Claire."
"I ken," Murtagh nodded, seriously.
"I thought she was lost to me forever and now she has returned. I willna lie. I love her still. Seeing her...hearing about our daughter...as much pain as this caused Eleanor, I wouldna trade that time with her. To give her up again...I dinnae ken if I can bear it a second time..."
"But Eleanor..." Murtagh frowned. "Surely ye can see what this is doin to her."
"I love Eleanor, Murtagh. I love her fully. And she needs me and the bairns need me. But I dinnae ken if she will let me love her again. She kens I still love Claire- she saw that today. I couldna shield it from her even as I couldna shield from Claire that I love Eleanor."
"So, what will ye do?"
"I dinnae ken," Jamie said, grimly. "What is a man to do when he loves two women?"
"I couldn't sleep," Claire said as she rejoined Murtagh and Jamie.
"Aye, neither could we, lass," Jamie said. "Whisky?"
"Yes, I'd love some," Claire said and Jamie pushed over a tumbler full to her.
"Can I have a sip?" Eleanor asked from the doorway, her robe tightly around her. "I wish I could have more."
Claire took a gulp, "It was nice that we had formula I could give Bree when I wanted to drink."
Eleanor nodded and took a sip of Jamie's drink. Her hand touched his and she closed her eyes as she handed the drink back. "Yes, that was the same for my first two."
"I didn't know you had children," Claire said. "Jamie said you came through the stones by accident and couldn't get back."
"Yes, two. Harry and Charlotte," Eleanor reached for the tumbler again.
"One more sip," Jamie frowned. "Ye canna hold yer whisky regardless and ye are feeding the bairn."
"Oh, I so wish I could pump and dump and become totally wasted," Eleanor retorted.
Jamie scowled at her and Eleanor rolled her eyes.
"Wasted?" Murtagh asked.
"I think she means drunk," Claire said.
"Aye," Murtagh nodded. "I ken her meaning now."
"Are ye goin to talk to me now?" Jamie asked, "or just drink my whisky?"
Eleanor moved away from him, "Neither, James."
"I don't see what gives ye the right to be put out at me, right now."
"Jamie," Claire said, quietly.
Eleanor went to sit next to Murtagh and eyed his drink.
"Either get yer own, lassie and make the bairn go hungry or go take Jamie's again." He reached to hand her the blanket. "Yer shivering." He reached for her hands, "They are icicles, woman."
"Yes, I was cold upstairs," Eleanor said, not looking at Jamie. "So what are we going to do about this?"
"If we were to follow yer idea, Eleanor, mo ghraidh and Claire did stay," Jamie eyed her, "ye canna be a mother and unmarrit in the highlands."
"I could," Eleanor retorted, "it would just not be convenient."
"You could try the stones again," Murtagh said. "What if Claire told ye how it is done?"
"And leave the children?" Eleanor asked. "Rosie is two months. I couldn't even if I wanted to go back home...to my time."
"I thought ye said ye would choose Will," Jamie drawled.
"Not over my child who is still attached to my breast," Eleanor shot back, heatedly. "Or Mac. Or Sam. I was forced away from my children once before and I will not go through that again."
"Of course not," Murtagh patted her knee. "I dinna mean to imply ye would, lass."
"We could find ye a husband," Jamie said, his hands gripping the glass.
"How much did you have to drink?" Eleanor frowned at him.
"Too much," Murtagh said.
"Are ye as drunk as he?" Eleanor titled her head.
Murtagh shook his head, "I mainly just gave it to the lad. To get his head sorted."
"I do not think it is working," Claire offered. "There is only one thing to be done. I will return home. I took a chance and it did not work out."
"To be honest," Eleanor said, her heart twisting, "I do not know if I could ever truly be happy knowing I stood in the way of Jamie's happiness."
"Eleanor," Jamie's voice was hoarse. "Will ye not just talk to me?"
"I could find a husband..." Eleanor said. "You act like it is so absurd. Like no one would want me."
"I dinna say that," Jamie grunted. "Ye already have a husband."
"And you have two wives!" Eleanor retorted, "This isn't freaking Sister Wives."
"Sister wives?" Murtagh asked.
"Reality Television based on a polygamist family."
Claire choked on her whisky. "Do they actually make shows about that in your time?"
"Yes, it was quite entertaining. Will would get so irritated at me for watching it though."
"Ye havena told me about that one," Jamie grunted. "What kind of man...?"
"I don't think you are one to talk," Eleanor retorted. "I don't know who I could marry, but there has to be someone."
Murtagh put a hand on her knee. "I will marry ye, lass. If that is what is decided...for Claire to remain."
Eleanor turned to him. "You would do that?"
"Aye."
Eleanor met Jamie's eyes. He had gone pale.
"Eleanor, lass. I need to speak to ye before we make any decisions," his voice was husky.
"Jamie is right. Alot has happened today," Claire offered. "We cannot make any rash decisions."
Eleanor stood, "That means...you should stay. Until we can figure out what to do." She smiled wryly, "The good news is that we have options now to consider." Tears filled her eyes. "I need to go to bed."
"Eleanor, lass," Jamie stood. "Ye canna always let fear drive ye."
Tears spilled down her face. "Even if Claire was to leave, things wouldn't be the same, Jamie."
He opened his mouth to offer a fiery retort, but then closed it. "Ye should get some sleep lassie. That bairn will be up again soon."
She nodded, wiping her eyes. "Will you check on Sam and Mac when you get a chance?"
"Aye," Jamie nodded.
"Here," Murtagh stood as well. "I'll walk ye back to yer room with the lamp. Ye shouldna be traipsing through Lallybroch in the dark."
Murtagh guided her up the stairs to the door of her room. He reached out to grip her arm, turning her back towards him. "It is one matter to let Jamie go because ye love him. It is another matter to push him away because ye fear what he will choose. Ye must talk to him, lassie."
Eleanor's lip trembled. "Why did you say you would marry me?"
"I got ye into this, I should be the un to get ye out of it," Murtagh retorted, "And the lad is right. If Claire does stay, it is best fer all if ye marrit and marrit quickly."
"You like Claire, do you not?"
"Aye," Murtagh retorted, slowly, "I do."
She bit her lip, "Who do you think is best for Jamie?"
"I canna answer that, lassie," Murtagh said. "Ye both offer him different things."
"I'm a difficult person at times, Murtagh," Eleanor told him, "I'm emotional and unreasonable and sometimes I am my own worst enemy."
"Aye," Murtagh nodded, "I ken that weel. I also ken that ye are canny and sweet and funny and a gut mother and wife. If ye push us on this path, ye will have to bear the brunt of the pain, lassie. Can ye do that?"
"I may not have a choice but to do so."
He reached out to wipe her tears with the pad of his thumb. "Get some rest, lassie. Yer so shattered."
"Thank you for walking me up."
"Aye, of course," Murtagh said and nodded at her. "Rest weel, Eleanor."
She nodded and went into her room, closing the door behind her. She collapsed on her bed and sobbed herself to sleep.
Later, Jamie came back upstairs, checked on the wee lads and then snuck into their bedroom. He sat carefully on the bed next to her, not wanting to wake her.
Eleanor's hair was still plastered against her face.
"I'm verra sorry, my love," Jamie whispered to her, his hands brushing her hair away from her face. "I couldna shield ye from this. I wanted to...I would never want to hurt ye. When I said I would love ye until my dying breath, I meant it. Will ye no ever trust me again?"
Rosie began to fuss and Jamie jumped up and went over to his daughter. He knew that she had eaten not so long ago.
"Come with Da, mo leannan. Let's let mama rest some more."
He took her downstairs and laid her on his chest, Rosie settling back down to sleep with the warmth Jamie provided, Jamie talked to his daughter, spilling out his troubles to the bairn as he did with Jenny's bairn so many years ago on the eve of gong to war.
And then he prayed...for he did not know what else to do.
A/N: ahhh...so this was super hard, but it felt organic to the story. This story was always meant to be AU but also fit within Cannon. I almost went back on that idea, because so many of you really appreciated E & J's relationship. BUT...Thank you all for your continued reviews and hopefully you aren't too upset by the twist in the story. There will clearly be many more twists to come, so it's going to be quite a ride...