A/N: Another chapter...I had a burst of writing energy, but we'll see how it goes after this one. So I really do get the mixed reviews from the last chapter. And just know how much I appreciate feedback...negative and positive. So.. As much as I wanted to keep Ellie and Jamie happy and settled, the whole premise of the story was to fill in the gap years and how different those years would be if Jamie DID fall in love and how that would affect the overall story and plot. I wanted to send Claire packing, but that wouldn't be much of a story. Just to be clear: This isn't definitely NOT a Murtagh story (they are not end game at all); in fact there will be many twists still to come...but it is about family...and love and loyalty. A fair warning: one minor character from early chapters will start taking more of a prominent role (you might be able to guess)...

Chapter 20

Eleanor sat by the fire, staring at it. They packed and traveled right away- leaving a note for Jenny and Ian...hoping the trail would not run cold. But it was starting to drizzle...as it usually did in Scotland.

Eleanor hadn't said anything to anyone. Jamie had tried to suggest that she stay home. She knew that he thought that she couldn't handle this...but Murtagh insisted on her coming along. She had remained quiet after that, trying to process all that had happened in the past few hours...but still unable to wrap her mind around it. Traveling through time even seemed more conceivable than this...there must be something she was missing. Jamie and Murtagh had being talking to each other in Gaelic in hushed tones all evening.

Claire came up to her, a hot cloth in her hand. She knelt beside her.

"I tried to add some herbs...it will stop the pain."

Eleanor nodded, knowing full well what she meant. She had skipped multiple feedings now and her breasts ached, only adding to the ache of her heart. Knowing her baby needed her as much as she needed her.

"But what if..." Eleanor's voice cracked. "What if we find her and she needs me?"

Claire reached out to touch her arm, gently. "You are no good to the children if you get sick from an infection."

"What will happen to her without me there to feed her? She is so little," Eleanor buried her head in her hands.

Jamie glanced over to them and stopped his conversation to Murtagh to watch and listen. He was deep in his own grief, but used it to be ready to take action. The solider in him had taken over- he was barking orders and planning strategy. And yet, he hadn't considered that Rosie was now without her mother to feed her and the pain Ellie must be in as a result. He vividly remembered when Ellie skipped feedings with the bairns- maybe the bairn slept longer that day, maybe they were too fussy to eat...and how difficult that was on her- both physically and emotionally.

"I don't know," Claire said. "But...we have to hope." She handed her the cloth. "Take it. You must feel so uncomfortable."

Jamie turned to Murtagh. "I didn't even think of that...the poor lass," he murmured to him. "How much more does she have to bear?"

Eleanor took the cloth and slid it into her shirt. "Thank you for thinking of this. Truly."

"Of course. We will have to do it a few more times. It is best if you try to get some out..." her voice trailed off, keenly aware that Jamie was watching them.

Eleanor nodded and Jamie turned to whisper in Murtagh's ear. Murtagh whispered back and Jamie nodded.

Claire handed some tea to Eleanor. "You haven't eaten anything, Ellie. You should at least try to drink the tea. You don't want to be too weak to ride."

"Will you sit next to me while I do?" Eleanor asked.

"Of course, I will," Claire retorted and settled next to Eleanor on the log.

Eleanor took a sip of the tea. "How well do you understand Gaelic?" she asked.

"Fairly well," Claire responded. "But they are whispering so I can't make out what they are saying."

"Jamie wasn't able to speak Gaelic around me- it was outlawed. He only spoke phrases to me, so I can't follow what they are saying."

"I rather think that was the point of speaking it and in such a low volume, don't you?"

She nodded. "I suppose so. I just hate that he doesn't trust me. I need to know what is going on."

"I don't think it has anything to do with trust- he doesn't want to add to your pain."

Eleanor looked at Claire. "How can anything he tell me be worse than what I am feeling right now?"

Claire reached out to put an arm around her.

"All he is doing is barking orders. Our children are missing."

"I think it is too hard for him to do anything else," Claire murmured. "He has to be strong for all of us."

"But he doesn't..." Eleanor said, her voice low. "It's tearing him up inside."

"I know it is," Claire responded.

Murtagh stood and walked over to her. "Eleanor, lass. Let's go for a walk."

Eleanor looked at him, questioning. "It's dark."

"We'll take the lantern. We are not goin far," Murtagh said, offering his hand. "Come now. I wllna bite."

"I'm not worried about you...more about the animals out there."

"Do ye not trust me to protect ye?" Murtagh asked. "Come with me. I wish to speak with ye."

"Very well," Eleanor finished her tea and then handed the cup back to Claire. She took his hand and he pulled her up. Putting his arm around her waist the walked a bit of a distance from Jamie and Claire. He put the lantern down as she leaned against a tree.

"You have been verra quiet, lass," Murtagh said.

"I should not have left them," Eleanor said, her lip trembling.

"Tis not yer fault, m'eudail," he said, his voice low. "Dinnae think fer a moment that tis yer fault."

"I'm trying to be brave," Eleanor told him. "But...they are so very little. What if something happens to them before we can find them?"

"We are goin to find them. I swear it to ye."

Eleanor nodded and tried to reel in her emotions. She took another breath. "Thank you for insisting I come. I couldn't be left behind."

"Aye, I ken," Murtagh said. "But if there is a time I need ye to stay put, will ye?"

"Of course."

"Ye promise?"

"Yes, I promise," Eleanor said, nodding seriously.

"Verra gut," Murtagh said.

"Now," he looked at her, evenly. "Do ye need my help with somethin, lass?"

Eleanor startled, "Did Jamie tell you to ask me?"

"Aye."

Her heart tore and yet, she nodded.

And later, they went back to the join the others by the fire before retiring to bed.

Eleanor awoke to the sound of a baby crying. She shot up in her pallet. Murtagh stirred but didn't wake.

"Rosie," She whispered and got up. "Rosie." She strained her ears to hear again, but she was met with silence. She grasped the blanket that she had taken with her and fallen asleep holding and began walking away from the camp.

"Eleanor," Jamie turned over and pushed himself up, running quickly after her to catch up. "Stop, lass." He grabbed her arm and turned her around.

"Ye canna be wandering in the night, mo ghraidh. Tis not safe."

Eleanor startled. "I just..." she paused. "Hold on a second."

She stayed very still, trying to hear the noise that woke her up. She strained her ears, but hard as she tried, she couldn't hear the noise that woken her up.

"What is it?" Jamie asked.

"It's nothing. I'm sorry I woke you," Eleanor responded, tears splashing down her face.

"I was already awake. I couldna sleep," Jamie said. "What were ye listening for?"

"I..." Eleanor struggled, "I heard a baby crying, Jamie. I swore it was Rosie."

His intake of breath was sharp. "Ye are so used to it...being woken up every night to Rosie's cries."

"It's like muscle memory."

"Aye," Jamie said.

"I swore. I thought she was here."

Jamie reached out a hand and then gestured for her to sit on a nearby fallen branch. Eleanor sat down and he went to retrieve the flask.

"Have some, lass," Jamie said and gave it to her. "It will calm yer nerves."

She took a swig, the whisky burning down her throat. "Thank you," she coughed.

Jamie sat next to her.

They sat next to each other in silence for a few minutes, when Jamie finally reached for her hand, holding in between both of his. Eleanor didn't say anything nor did he. They sat for a long while, Jamie holding on to her hand tightly, both of their minds plagued with worry for the children they shared. Finally Eleanor broke the silence, unable to stand it.

"I yelled at them, Jamie," Her voice cracked. "I lost my temper this morning."

"Mo ghraidh, no," Jamie let out a long breath. "If I ken our sons, they most likely deserved it," he said, seriously.

"They did, but...is that the last memory they will have of their mother?" Tears splattered down her face, "I love those boys. I love them so fiercely. Do they know?"

"Ach, lass," Jamie reached to pull her into his arms, wrapping her up in them. "There is no doubt, mo ghraidh. Of course ye do. Ye are a fine mama."

"There are moments I am not."

"Leannan, no parent is infallible. We try to do our best by them. And we might fail at times. Dinna beat yerself over it. I beg of ye. They ken how much ye love them."

"We have to find them," Eleanor cried against him. "I can't lose them. At least I know Harry and Charlotte are safe...but our children...I don't know that they are. What if something happens to them? They must be so scared."

He kissed her head. "I willna stop until our bairns are safe in our arms," he shifted her so he could see her in the moonlight. "I ken that I dinnae deserve yer trust," he wiped her eyes with his thumb, "but fer the sake of the man ye once ken, I entreat ye to believe me...I will fulfill my vow to ye, mo ghraidh. I will see our children safe."

She nodded. "I believe you." She reached for his hand again, "But as I have trusted you, I need you to trust me."

"With what?"

"You and Murtagh are talking in Gaelic. Keeping things from me. I have to understand why."

"I am trying to protect ye."

"Jamie," she squeezed his hand. "You cannot any longer. Please. I need to know. What is going on? Why was there a Jacobite symbol left behind? What does that mean?"

"I have a theory," Jamie said. "One that has been 5 years in the making. Do ye no remember our trip to Edinburgh?"

"Of course. Lord John said he needed your help. You left me for months to aid him."

"I wasna aiding him...more that he was aiding me...us."

Eleanor frowned. "With what?"

"The cause...it has been a curse on our people. But people still believe in it...believe enough to do treacherous things...to see Scotland restored...to have our King to be out from under the grip of the English."

"Charles Stuart."

Jamie shrugged. "Maybe not necessarily him. But someone."

"Okay," Eleanor titled her head. "What does this have to do with us? With our children?"

Jamie gripped her hand, tightly, "Because there is a prophecy...that the rightful King will be restored from branch of the Frasers of Lovat...my clan. My family."

Eleanor chewed on her lip. "But you have other family. The Frasers are a big clan, yes?"

"They were...but the war took my grandsire...my cousin...I am the only survivor. I...and Mac, Sam, and Rosie. And Brianna and Willie, but no one kens about them."

Eleanor's mouth dropped. "So someone thinks that our children will somehow rescue Scotland from the English? It's absurd."

"Children grow up, lass. And if they are trained to believe...to fulfill their destiny...then, aye, I think it is plausible that one would think the prophecy could come true."

"So who would do this?"

"That I dinnae ken," Jamie said. "But we will find them. And there will be a price to pay."

She bit her lip. "But the good news is...if they believe that they will fulfill this destiny...they won't hurt them."

"Aye," Jamie nodded. "It had to be a verra calculated plan. My only concern is that they will remove them from Scotland."

"Where would they take them?"

Jamie shrugged. "That could be anywhere, lass."

"And what about Ian?"

"If I ken my nephew, he wouldna let them take the bairns and not him. He would feel like he would need to be there to protect them."

"My sweet Ian..." Eleanor closed her eyes. "That boy. I love him so."

"As does he love ye, lass."

Eleanor swallowed hard. "Thank you for telling me the truth...even if it is five years later."

"Aye," Jamie frowned, "I should have told ye sooner. I'm sorry, mo ghraidh. It was kindly meant, but I should have been honest considerin it was about our bairns. Forgive me?"

The tears continued to fall. "Of course, Jamie. Will you forgive me for..." she stopped herself, it being too hard for her to continue.

"What is it?" Jamie asked, his voice tender. "Tell me."

"I...I should have talked to you...before. My silence...it didn't honor the past five years we've had...and I tried to do the right thing and I really botched it up, didn't I?"

"There is nothin to forgive," Jamie kissed her hand. "Ye did what ye thought was best. Ye should get some sleep. We ride hard in the morning."

"You as well then."

"Of course."

"Thank you for sitting with me."

He nodded. "Go on, lass."

She left him to went to crawl up next to Murtagh, leaving Jamie to bury his head in hands.

In the morning, Fergus had joined the party, having ridden all night to catch up with them. They rode hard for days and days until they found themselves near the sea. Jamie and Murtagh went out to the port while Eleanor and Claire stayed inside the inn.

Eleanor rubbed her temples.

"Do you have a headache?" Claire asked.

"Yes," she closed her eyes. "I would love some motrin right now."

"I have some tea that can help ease it," she offered. "I can brew it for you. Why don't you lay down?"

"Thank you," Eleanor said, gratefully. She laid down on the bed and closed her eyes. Flashes of her children's faces appeared. She opened her eyes.

"What is it?" Claire asked from where she was mixing things.

"Thinking about the children..." Eleanor said, scooting herself up. "We are just guessing at this point, going off the belief that they will be taken out of the country...we don't know anything for sure...we lost the trail days ago."

"Jamie and Murtagh believe this is the most reasonable course."

"But what if they are wrong?" Eleanor responded.

"Jamie would say that we have to keep faith."

Eleanor bit her lip, "My faith is weak right now. I do not even know what I believe."

Claire paused, "It is natural to question when you experience something like this. When I lose a patient, I often wonder about it...and when I lost..." her voice trailed off.

Eleanor met her eyes. "Faith?"

"Did Jamie tell you about her?"

"He did," Eleanor responded.

"It was a long time ago," Claire kept working.

"But then you never do forget, do you?"

"No, you never do..." Claire said. "What do we have but to wait and hope and believe?"

"Even if that belief is folly?"

"So many things are beyond reason," Claire said. "Falling through time for instance."

"Yes, there is that," Eleanor twisted her hands. She went to look out the window. "I wish they would come back."

"Come have some tea," Claire went over to guide her back to sit. "It will help you."

"How do you do it?" Eleanor asked.

"Do what?"

"Be so strong all the time?"

Claire gave a smile, "I'm not strong all the time. I just hide it well."

"We will find them, right?"

"Jamie will not rest until we do, Ellie," Claire assured her. "Now we wait. And we hope."

"We wait and we hope," Eleanor repeated, sipping her tea.

The men came back hours later.

"What news do you have?" Eleanor asked as they got settled in with their supper.

"Have you eaten?" Jamie asked, sharply. "Ye look pale."

Eleanor shrugged. "I had a headache earlier. I didn't feel like eating."

Murtagh glanced at her. "Sit down and eat now, lassie. Ye need yer strength."

"Very well," Eleanor sat with them and Claire at the table in the room. "So..."

Jamie teared off a piece of bread and dipped it into the stew. "We leave tomorrow for France."

Eleanor raised her eyebrows, "France?"

"Aye, France," Murtagh wrinkled his nose.

"So...the children were taken to France?"

"No," Jamie said, "but we need to make contact with my cousin Jared. He can arrange passage on one of his sea vessels."

"To where?" Eleanor asked.

"The West Indies," Jamie said. "We believe they were put on a ship bound for there."

"But there are so many islands in the West Indies," Eleanor wrung her hands. "How will we find them?"

"Let's just take it one step at a time, Ellie," Claire said, seeing how tired Jamie was. Jamie looked between women and then fixed his eyes on Eleanor.

"Claire is right, lass. There is nothin more we can do," Jamie said. "Fergus will gather men from Ardsmuir that are still spread through Scotland. We need men we trust."

Eleanor swallowed hard. "But surely all of this will take time. And the children...a sea voyage with all the illness and..." she paused.

"Eleanor," Jamie retorted sharply, "I canna think on that and I suggest ye stop as weel. It does us no gut to think those things."

Eleanor's eyes had filled with tears. "Don't be so harsh, Jamie."

Jamie ignored Claire's warning look. "I'm sorry, lass. But I need ye to be strong. And if ye canna be strong, I need ye to go home to Lallybroch."

"Lad," Murtagh's rebuke was swift, "she is tryin. They are her bairns."

Jamie's expression softened as Eleanor's tear stained face. "Forgive me, Ellie. I spoke out of turn. Of course, ye are doin yer best. It has been a long day and tryin day, tis all."

"No, you are right," Eleanor said, "I let my anxiety get the best of me. i know you are doing the best you can."

Jamie nodded, his acceptance, but Eleanor didn't speak for the rest of the night, the tension still evident.

And when she and Murtagh retired to their own room, she began to undress for bed.

"Do you think I am not strong enough to do this?" she asked as she threw her clothes on the chair and went to get in between the covers.

Murtagh crawled into bed with her. "Ye are strong enough. And ye willna be alone."

She turned around on her side to talk to him.

"I never wanted adventure like this...the thought of going on a ship scares me. But I will do anything to hold my babies once again."

"I ken," he reached out to touch her face, "Dinna mind the lad, Eleanor. He is in a bad way right now."

She nodded. "I know that. It just hurts...the whole thing."

"Aye, I ken," Murtagh said. "Rest, lassie. Tomorrow, we go to France. And then on to the West Indies..."

"The New World," Eleanor mused. She sighed, "it seems like we are looking for a needle in a haystack."

"Aye," Murtagh agreed, "But what else can we do?"

Months Later:

Eleanor felt the sand sink beneath her. She never thought she'd be able to feel dry land again. The sun glared in her face and she put a hand to shield her eyes as she walked towards Jamie and Claire, Murtagh by her side.

"Ellie," Claire hopped up from her spot, her arm wrapped.

"How are you, Claire?" Eleanor asked, stepping forward and giving the woman a hug. "What happened to your arm?" She pulled back. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I just cut it trying to get to the shore...when I heard a ship had come ashore, I had to check and I was a little overzealous."

"We thought you were..." Eleanor's voice trailed off as she frowned. She glanced at Jamie.

"Yes, Jamie told me," Claire said. "I cannot believe the ship sunk. It was such a risk to jump earlier, but I did not know what else to do."

"Why did you try to get off?"

"There was a man on the ship who claimed that Jamie..." Claire's eyes met Jamie's, "Well, it does not matter now, does it?"

"It's a miracle," Jamie said, "ye have been saved a second time."

Eleanor nodded, taking a cleansing breath, fighting her nausea, "Jamie is right- it is a miracle. But you must have been on this island for weeks, since we were stuck with no wind for so many weeks."

"Yes," Claire said, "I've been taken care of. But it is an odd place. I can't wait to get off of it. I was getting a bit unnerved."

"It's not on the map," Eleanor said. "Where do you think we are?"

"Somewhere in the Atlantic, lass," Jamie responded.

"Way to state the obvious, Fraser," Eleanor said, wryly.

"Aye, I suppose that was obvious," he said, a bit sheepishly.

The wind swirled up her cape, causing a smell to waft in. Eleanor glanced at Murtagh. "I think I need a walk. I won't go far."

"Aye, I'll come with ye," He reached for her arm, "We'll be back in a few minutes," he told them, dragging her along. He barely got her away from the others to a hidden place before she vomited her breakfast.

He uncapped the water to give her a sip. "How long do ye think we can hide this? When we are on the ship, we can say it is sea sick, but now we are ashore."

"Just a little longer...I do not wish to draw attention to this. We most focus on the children and finding them, not me."

Murtagh studied her, "ye will be well, will ye not, lassie?"

She nodded, "I am happy for Jamie. I'm glad Claire is alive. It is a miracle...even if..." she paused. "it doesn't matter now."

Murtagh nodded evenly. "Then, we are agreed, lass."

"We are," Eleanor reached for his hand. "Please help me hide this for a little longer. The morning sickness should not last so much longer. I've been sick for two weeks now- I have just managed to keep it down until this morning...by sheer will and determination, I think."

"Verra weel," Murtagh gestured to her with his head, "Do ye think we can join the others now?"

Eleanor smiled at him. "I hope," she made a face and began to walk with him. "It's so hot here."

"Aye, lass. I long fer Scotland."

"I never thought I'd say it, but I do too," Eleanor said. "I find the cool drizzle so much more agreeable to this...at least where I was from we had things to keep the house cool...this is going to be an adjustment."

"Ye have adjusted just fine to other things," Murtagh put his hand on her arm and guided her back to Claire and Jamie. "Ye'll to this as well."

She glanced over at him, "Are you upset with me?"

"No, I dinnae think I can claim a right to be upset with ye."

Eleanor watched him walk faster towards Jamie and Claire before she went over to talk to Marsali and Fergus.

Jamaica

Eleanor put a hand on her stomach, trying to settle it again. They had stayed another few weeks on the Island, Claire's fighting an infection from the wound. Then, they headed for Jamaica. Eleanor felt all the while that her children were slipping further and further away. She just hoped and prayed that they would find them soon.

"Are ye feeling better, lass?" Jamie asked her as Eleanor tried to sip some of the tea Claire had prepared for her.

"Yes," Eleanor nodded. "I...I don't think I will ever be able to erase those images from my brain. We read about them in history books, but to see it first hand...the slave trade. I can't..."

"I know what you mean," Claire said, sitting next to her, "it's horrifying."

Eleanor took another sip, trying desperately to have her stomach settle. Her morning sickness had been more prolonged this time Maybe exasperated by the stress of the journey.

"I forgot- when does Wilberforce end it for the English?" she asked, "I watched a movie about it. It's really remarkable, what he was able to do."

"Not for several more years," Claire said, "After the American Revolution."

Her look was full of sorrow, "That's too long."

"It is," Claire agreed, squeezing her hand.

Jamie looked between the women. "I dinnae want ye to go back to the harbor, Eleanor."

"That's fine," Eleanor said, "I don't particular ever want to see that again, James."

"Aye, verra gut," Jamie said, "But I do have other news."

"What news?" Eleanor asked, her eyes hopeful. "Why didn't you say something before?"

"I was gettin to it," Jamie said, "No news of the children yet, but the new governor is hosting a ball. We have an invitation to attend."

"Attending a ball?" Eleanor asked, her nose wrinkling. "Why on earth would we do that?"

"I think it would be a gut idea to ask the governor assistance," Jamie said. "At the verra least, it is a way to meet new people. Perhaps, somebody has heard of something."

"I think it is a good idea," Claire said, "Come, Eleanor, I have a dress you can wear." She went over to where her trunk laid at the bottom of the bed. She opened it, rifling through it's contents. "I'll wear this one and," she pulled out a brown flowered one, "would this do?"

She nodded, "These are gorgeous. Where are they from?"

"Our time in Paris," Claire said. "I can help you with your hair."

"Are you sure you don't mind me wearing it?" Eleanor asked, hesitantly. "I am not sure if it will fit."

Claire held up the dress to Eleanor, "I think it will work."

Eleanor looked to Jamie, who had a peculiar expression on his face. "Will Murtagh be going?"

"Aye," Jamie moderated his expression."And ye isna happy aboot it."

Eleanor laughed, "I suspect not."

Claire looked to Jamie while standing in the receiving line. "Do you think Eleanor is feeling well?" she asked. "I worry about her."

"She is exhausted," Jamie said, "And rightfully so. And aboot earlier, Eleanor has always been a sensitive un. The thought over these things- injustice, cruelty, it plagues her. It is why I wanted her to stay put."

"But it is right that she came, don't you think?" Claire asked.

"Aye, I do," Jamie looked at her in the corner of his eye, "Ye look bonny in that dress, Sassenach."

Claire smiled, "Thank you, you are looking handsome yourself."

Jamie exchanged a look with her as they waited in line. When the people in front of them shifted, Jamie could catch a glimpse of the governor.

His face paled.

"Jamie, what is it?" Claire asked, worried.

"Maybe, it is you coming through the stones. Maybe it has made our past come back...Maybe..." he looked around the room for Eleanor, who was currently in conversation with one of the other guests.

"What do you mean?" Claire prompted.

The people moved out of the way and Jamie put his hand on Claire's back, guiding her forward.

"Your excellency," he bowed deep.

John's eyes widened in shock, "Jamie! What ever are you doing here?" His eyes looked to Claire and then he titled his head, questioning. He had become very still.

"Your excellency, may I present my wife, Claire Fraser," Jamie said, Claire curtsying, "Claire, Lord John Grey."

"Lord John," Claire murmured.

"Your wife?" John's voice was low. "How very extraordinary."

And Jamie knew without a doubt that his son's godfather was less than pleased.

A/N: Hopefully this chapter wasn't too disappointing for many...Would love thoughts. :)