A/N: Happy, Happy New Year! Thank you ALL for your thoughts. Yes, Jamie wasn't at his finest in last chapter...see what you think of this chapter... another longer one... :)
Chapter 25
Eleanor took a breath and wiped her eyes before headed back inside the cabin. She forced a smile at the others and went to take Hope from Claire, who was in her and Jamie's room off the main room.
"Thank you for watching her."
"You're most welcome," she nodded. "I was just about to change her."
"I got her," she said, kissing the baby's head.
"Use the bed," Claire said. "It is more comfortable than the floor."
"Very well," Eleanor forced a smile and sat with the baby on the bed.
"Let me know if you need anything."
"Actually," Eleanor titled her head, "Can you talk to Jamie before tonight?"
Claire went to sit on the bed beside Eleanor. "What is going on?"
"Just...talk to him," she said. "I can't get through that hard Fraser head of his and considering...well, he's more apt to listen to you and not me."
"Very well, I'll try," Claire said with a nod. "But I'd say that he listens the same to both of us, Ellie." She left the room.
Ellie began to change her on the bed, Rosie climbing up beside her with her own doll.
"Nappy for my baby?" Rosie asked, pretending to change her own baby.
Eleanor smiled at her daughter. "We can fix you up with something, Rosie. I think I have," she rifled through her bag, "Here is a piece of cloth."
She finished changing the baby and picked her up and gave her another kiss.
"Rosie hole Hope?"
Eleanor smiled again, "Sure you can. Let's see..." Eleanor looked around the small room.
Jamie came in the room, "Sorry to interrupt, I just needed..." he went over to the nightstand and picked up his spectacles.
Eleanor stiffened. "It's your room. Claire said it was okay to change the baby."
"Of course," Jamie said. "What is goin on here?" he asked Rosie who was bouncing on the bed.
"Well," Eleanor swallowed hard, "Rosie wants to hold Hope and I was trying to figure out the safest way to do so."
"Da hole me. I hole baby," Rosie said, solemnly.
Eleanor looked at Jamie and laughed, "My God, she is a Fraser through and through."
"Aye," Jamie chuckled. "Verra weel, leannan. I see yer canny mind has it all worked out," Jamie sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard. "Come and sit." He patted his lap and Rosie climbed in it. "Now, when ye hold a wee bairn like Hope, ye have to be verra careful with her...especially her neck. She isna like yer rag doll that ye can flop aboot."
Eleanor eased Hope into Rosie's arms. Jamie reached to support her head. "She canna hold her neck up weel, yet, though that will come soon."
"My baby," Rosie said. Hope began coo at her and smile.
"She likes ye, leannan," Jamie said, laughing. "My bonny wee lasses." He paused after saying them as if suddenly realizing the weight of his words. He looked across the room to meet Eleanor's eyes, inclining his head as if asking...yet again.
Eleanor took a shuddering breath, her face flushed at the scene and slipped from the room...allowing Jamie time with his girls...the one he could claim and the one he could not.
The boys were swinging sticks at each other later in the day while Eleanor watched, Rosie and Hope napping inside.
"William," Eleanor entreated as she shielded her face, "Be careful with the Sam. He is so much littler than you."
"Yes, ma'am, but you should have your hat on Madam Fitzgibbons," William countered. "Papa is going to scold if you are all red again."
"The weather is cool, I should be fine," Eleanor countered.
"But the sun is still strong, is it not?" John said, standing on the porch, her hat in his hands. Jamie came up beside him.
Eleanor stood, still shielding her eyes, "I'm more worried about the boys playing too roughly. Sticks seems a sure way of getting an eye poked out."
"Be that as it may," John said, "Here is your hat. The last sunburnt you had, you were peeling for days," John raised an eyebrow.
Jamie chuckled, "She was never fond of hats," he commented. "I couldna get her to remember, try as I might."
"Perhaps, she has not found ones to her liking," John retorted.
"Or perhaps she is just stubborn," Jamie offered.
"I am standing right here," Eleanor said, taking the hat from Lord John, "Thank you, Lord John."
"You are quite welcome," he said. "Now what is this concern about the boys?"
"Sam is awfully little for stick wielding," Eleanor bit her lip. "They are going to get hurt."
"Let the wee lads be, Ellie," Jamie said, "they are just doin a bit of sword fighting." he frowned, studying the three boys. "Their technique could use some improvement though."
He went to Mac. "May I?" he asked.
Mac nodded and handed Jamie his stick.
"Jamie, do be careful," Eleanor entreated. "Sam is only three."
"Dinna fash, mama" Jamie winked at her. "Yer sons will be returned to ye in one piece. Ye have my word."
"With both their eyes?" Eleanor asked.
Jamie smirked at her and then went to bend down next to his sons...all of them.
"I wielded a blade at age three, Ellie," John told her.
"Oh, good Lord. I just want them to be solicitors or ministers..." Eleanor responded.
"What a dreadful fate to wish upon your sons..." John said, shaking his head in dismay, "with Jamie's sense of adventure and your wit and determination that will never suffice. Excuse me, my dear," he gently moved her out of his way and then left her side to join Jamie and the boys, William handing him his stick.
Eleanor plopped down on the porch steps, Claire coming up beside her to watch as well.
"What's wrong with being a solicitor or minister?" Eleanor asked Claire.
Claire smiled at her. "I would feel quite the same way," she said, nodding."But this is in their blood."
She nodded, "Yes, I'm all too aware."
Jamie and John began a lesson on the art of sword fighting which ended up to a match with the little boys on the men's shoulders- Mac on Jamie's and Sam on John's and then took turns fighting William. There was much laughter and frivolity and as Eleanor watched, her heart was full.
There was something so beautiful in the simple joy that they had for that hour together. She just wished it could always be so. But night was approaching an and Eleanor absolutely dreaded what was to come.
For as blissful the afternoon was, the weight of the evening's promised discussion caused tension between Eleanor and Jamie.
"Ye need to eat yer vegetables, Sam."
"Mama dinna eat them," Sam said and Jamie turned to her.
Jamie went over and plopped a nice helping of steamed leafy green plants on her plate. "She must have just forgotten. She loves them, do ye no, Mama? We canna have the lad thinking ye dinna."
Eleanor turned and titled her head at Jamie, who was looking quite amused. He knew she hated them. Loathed steamed leafy plants...
John coughed beside her trying not to laugh for he was also aware of her preferences.
"If you must know, it makes Hope fussy," she said, slowly, "But if you want to be up with a colicky baby all night, then all means...use me as object lesson for your son, but Hope will be your responsibility tonight."
Jamie grunted and then reached for her plate, dumping them on his.
"Eat your veggies, Sam," Eleanor titled her head, "You too, Mac." She reached for Sam's plate. "Look, I'll help you." She stuck the fork into it and then made swirling motions with her fork.
"What's that supposed to be, Mama?" Mac asked, curious.
Jamie titled his head and met her eyes. "What is that supposed to be, Mama?" he asked, his tone pointed.
Claire coughed. "Perhaps a bird, right, Ellie?"
"Yes, what would you think it was, Da?" Eleanor's tone was equally pointed. "What else flies in the sky?"
John cleared his throat and leaned over to his godson. "Sam, when I didn't want to eat my vegetables as a young boy, I would hold my nose and simply shove it in."
Eleanor looked at him, "So dignified, my Lord," she chided, sarcastically. Her expression was serious, but he caught the small smirk that escaped.
"Well, yes," John shrugged, "It got the job done, did it not?"
"Aye," Jamie nodded, "I confess, I may have done similar from time to time."
"Vegetables are so good for your health," Claire said. "They'll make you strong, just like Lord John and Da. So you can do alot of sword fighting. Just a few bites, boys."
Sam closed his mouth and shook his head. "I dinna want to."
"Ye ate them last night, lad," Jamie said.
"I'm not goin to tonight," he crossed his arms.
"If Sam isna, I isna," Mac crossed his arms. "Tis not fair."
"Mutiny aboard," Eleanor whispered to John, wryly. "Well, boys, you are going to sit here until you do," she looked at Jamie, "It could be all night, they are your children after all."
Jamie looked at her, their eyes meeting, "I ken what ye are up to," he came behind her and whispered into her ear, "And it willna work." He went to plop Sam up into his arms. "Ye first. Let's go have a wee chat."
"I dinna want a wee chat," Sam began to fuss and kick, disrupting the table.
"Good Lord, James," Eleanor rose. "Hand him over. It's not worth a tantrum. I'll talk with him."
"Eleanor, it is more than aboot the vegetables. I canna tolerate blatant disobedience." Jamie's voice held a warning. He inclined his head.
"They are most likely exhausted from playing so hard this afternoon. And they should have the right to express their feelings," Eleanor met his eyes and raised her eyebrows.
John reached for his wine and exchanged a long look with Claire.
Jamie made a guttural sound of disbelief.
"I need to speak with Mama for a moment...outside." He put Sam down in Eleanor's spot next to Lord John. "Sit next to yer godfather and if I hear ye kick the table one more time, Samuel John, our wee chat won't be so wee, ye ken?"
"No, thank you," Eleanor said, keeping her voice calm.
Mac's eyes widened. No one quite talked to Da the way Mama did.
Sam wiggled about on the bench beside Lord John, his face scrunched in a pout and his foot ever so gently tapping against the table.
Lord John put his arm around his godson's shoulders and leaned down. "Sit still, Samuel," John said, sternly and Sam stilled immediately. He was quite in awe of his godfather.
Eleanor went to pick up Sam again, ignoring John's clear look of caution, but before she could reach him, Jamie intercepted her, grabbing her hand.
"I dinna think I asked," Jamie took Eleanor's hand and practically dragged her outside, the door slamming behind.
John cleared his throat. "Hand me Sam's plate, William," John said, quietly. "Do not look so worried, Mac. Your parents will sort it out."
"Is Da goin to have a wee chat with Mama?" Mac asked, his mouth opened.
"I'm sure not in the way you think," John said, his voice calming.
"Madam Fitzgibbons always speaks her mind," William offered. "She is quite bold."
"Even to Da?" Mac frowned.
"She does to Papa...though never rudely, she must be very upset at Mister Fraser to do so." William frowned at the thought. "Why is she so upset, Papa?"
"That is none of our concern, William," John titled his head in warning, "You would do well to mind your own business. Here, Sam, let's take a few bites, shall we?" When he opened his mouth to protest, he pinched his godson's nose and shove the veggies in his mouth. "Swallow. Ah, there you go. Now drink some milk. Perfect, not so bad, eh?" he patted Sam on the back. "What do you say, Madam Fraser? Two more bites will do?"
"I think that would be sufficient," Claire nodded. "Mac, do you want help as well?"
Mac nodded and Claire provided Mac the same service.
"Should we go tell them we ate them?" Mac asked. "Maybe that would make them feel better."
Claire reached gave Mac a hug and kiss, "I do not think it has to do with the vegetables, Mac, darling."
John turned to Claire. "Are they always of one mind when it comes to parenting?" he asked, wryly.
Claire forced a smile, "I think it would have been a struggle no matter what and now with the other factors, it just compounds everything. Neither of them will wish to yield."
John put his hands on the table and rose, "Eleanor needs her wrap and gloves. It is cold out. I do not wish her catching a chill."
They heard voices raised from outside and Claire nodded, "Probably a wise idea. They'll both listen to you."
"Now is Lord John goin to have a wee chat with both Mama and Da?" Mac asked, his eyes wide.
"Believe me, it is very tempting, Mac," John said, wryly, causing Claire to laugh, before grabbing Eleanor's wrap and gloves from the hook and heading out the door.
"Are ye no goin to say anything?" Jamie asked, putting the lantern down in the yard. "Fer God's sake, woman, what are ye doin?"
"What am I doing?" Eleanor gasped. "Me? Are you truly pinning this all on me?"
"Ye canna question me in front of our children."
"And you cannot act like they are only yours!"
"I didn't realize I needed yer permission to discipline our bairns."
"And you cannot just order me around in front of them. I am not your child."
"Are we still having this discussion six years later, lass?" Jamie said, dryly. "What are ye teaching our bairns when ye deliberately speak to me in such manner?"
"And what are you teaching them about respecting women when you dismiss my opinions and order me about like one of them? Not to mention poking my temper on purpose all throughout supper."
"I'm not the only one doin the poking!" Jamie pointed his finger.
"This is all on you, James Fraser," Eleanor's voice raised.
"It isna!"
"My goodness," John said, shaking his head at them, his lantern and wrap in hand. "They way you two are carrying on, the children will soon be able to hear this dreadful display of behavior."
"He started it," Eleanor told him.
"Oh, verra funny, lassie," Jamie retorted.
"Great God in Heaven," John said, coming closer to them, placing the lantern on the ground. "First of all, it is cold out here and Eleanor does not have the proper attire to have a long drawn out discussion. She is shivering."
Jamie looked sheepish, "I dinna realize ye were so cold."
"Do you even care?" Eleanor's teeth began to chatter.
"Dinnae start with that again, ye ken verra weel that I do." Jamie said as John helped her put on her wrap and then handed her gloves. Eleanor put them on while John stood between them.
"It doesn't feel like you do," Eleanor retorted, tears prickling her eyes.
"And yer feelings have been so reasonable of late?" Jamie asked.
"And why is that?" Eleanor said, "Months in Jamaica."
"That was not my choice, it was Murtagh's."
"You didn't stop him!"
"He is my godfather and was yer husband."
"But you are laird or some sort of nonsense that makes you think that you can boss the lot of us around...I'm not doing it anymore, Jamie. You have decided everything for us- and I am just expected to roll over...I'm not going to! They are my children too and I will fight you every step of the way..."
"Just to spite me, eh?" Jamie glared at her, his hands fisted. "Fer Christ's sake, ye infuriating besom!"
She went for him, but John's reflexes were quick, grabbing her wrist and pulling her to his side.
"Enough!" John said, raising his voice over theirs, his hand still on Eleanor. She paused. She had never heard John raise his voice and she wasn't about to trifle with the look he was giving both of them. He was just as commanding as Jamie, even more so. Jamie stopped yelling as well, sensing the same.
When John realized she had calmed, he went to stand between them.
"Now," he said, looking between both of them. "You two have got to stop this madness. You are acting far worse than the children."
"John," Eleanor grunted.
"No, Eleanor, my dear, you need to listen now," John said, his voice tense.
"Ye canna reason with her when she is like this, man," Jamie said. "Speaking from experience, when she is like this, there is only two ways to bring her out of it..." he held up a finger, "one..."
Eleanor's face flushed, "Jamie Fraser, do not dare finish that thought."
"Do ye deny it?" Jamie inclined his head. "If he is goin to marry ye, ye should ken what he is gettin himself into."
John cleared his throat, "I dare say at this moment both of you would benefit greatly from a decent thrashing," John said, wryly. "Which one of you should I take out to the woodshed first?"
"Very funny," Eleanor retorted.
"It was said only partly in jest," John raised an eyebrow in her direction. "I am endlessly fond of you, Eleanor, but God help me."
"I can't do anything right with him, John!" Eleanor groaned. "This is not on me."
"Be that as it may," John stepped towards her and stood by her side, "you cannot provoke him and expect him not to respond," John held up his hand to Jamie, "And don't look so smug, Fraser, because I don't need to even begin to address the awful way you have been behaving these past two days. Eleanor has every right to feel what she does."
"When we were married, you at least tried to understand my point of view," Eleanor wiped the tears that were beginning to fall. "It's like you just want me to abide now, Jamie. Go along with everything."
"She has a point, Jamie," John said. "You yielded to her more times than naught. You've told me as much."
"But things have changed."
"Obviously," Eleanor retorted.
"Eleanor," John murmured to her, "If you respond to him so rudely, he is going to respond with harshness, which will hurt your feelings and incite your anger. And the cycle will continue until all of us go quite mad..."
"Please stop being so reasonable," Eleanor grunted.
"Somebody has to be in this situation," John retorted, evenly, "Now, calm yourself and tell us what you are thinking."
"Good luck with that," Jamie muttered.
Eleanor ignored him, "I don't want Jamie to make all the discipline decisions without consulting me."
"Even fer somethin as simple and obvious like eating their vegetables?" Jamie raised an eyebrow. "No, ye were lookin to fight me over something and this is the opportunity that presented itself."
John's hand reached out to touch her arm, resting heavily upon it. He didn't know what she would do, but from the look she gave Jamie, nothing would have surprised him at that moment. He felt her take a breath and he dropped his hand.
"That is not true," Eleanor retorted, "We had months of you parenting without me. I want a say. And I don't think they should be punished harshly for not eating them. I never liked them growing up."
"No child does," Jamie retorted, "But we force them because it is best fer them."
"Eleanor," John titled his head, "I don't think Jamie was going to punish them harshly for their outburst. I'm almost certain he wasn't going to beat them over it. Were you?"
"Of course not," Jamie glared at her, "A few smacks. With my hand. Good Lord, woman."
"And if he were to take harsher action, I am sure that he would discuss it with you- isn't that how it worked before?" John asked, with a raised eyebrow.
Eleanor looked disgruntled. "Yes, I suppose."
"Still, you two need to sit down and have a discussion. Work out a plan for situations like this. Mutually decide what routines and expectations and consequences for behavior. You are both their parents and regardless of the history you share and all the hurt feelings, you need to act like the people I am honored to call both my friends. Do you understand me?"
"Aye," Jamie held up his hand, "Verra weel. Yer point is weel received, Lord John. We can talk tomorrow...all of us." He paused, "I'm sorry, Eleanor, fer losing my temper with ye. Ye have also been through much these past year and I havena exactly been patient with yer feelings."
Eleanor nodded, but remained silent. John turned to her and gave her an exasperated look.
"Oh, fine," Eleanor said. She frowned at him, "At the moment, I'd rather you just beat me than to have to apologize to him. Is that an option?"
Jamie threw back his head and laughed appreciatively, "Aye, that's usually the way of it. She'll come around to it in a few hours. I have missed ye and yer sweet ways, mo ghraidh."
"Great God in Heaven, Ellie," John gave her a severe look, "Of all the ridiculous statements to make..."
"Still want to marry her?" Jamie raised an eyebrow.
"Without a doubt," John said, his hand resting heavily on Eleanor's arm. "I find her quite endearing when she stands up to you."
Jamie laughed harder and then went to pat John on the arm. "Gut man."
Eleanor glared at his retreating form and John held steady to her arm. "Just a moment."
"Yes?"
He frowned, studying her in the lantern light. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but it is far easier for me to defend you, Eleanor, my dear, when you are behaving reasonably and that hasn't been the case tonight. What has possessed you to act in such a manner?"
She shifted and her face burned.
"I do not say those words to shame you although it does hurt me to see two people I am incredibly fond of, act in ways so opposite of the way I know them to be."
She swallowed hard, "It was poorly done."
"Believe me, we all have those moments, especially when Jamie is concerned," John's voice was gentle, his hand still on her arm, "I am just wondering perhaps...is there a reason why you are determined to provoke Jamie tonight?" he questioned. "Perhaps if you let me know, I can better assist you...at the very least, in keeping your temper in front of the little ones."
"Perhaps," she said, quietly.
"Well, what is it?" John pressed. "I gathered your conversation did not go well earlier. Is it that?"
"Yes, but also.." Eleanor bit her lip. "Jamie...Jamie wants me to tell you something from my past...something...well, it has the potential to change everything."
John titled his head. "And you do not wish to do so?"
She let out a breath, "I don't know what I wish."
"I see," John studied her. "Is it something I must be aware of for the safety of you and the children?"
She paused, "Maybe," she said slowly. "Potentially. More because it may shed light on some things."
"You do not have to tell me anything you do not wish to, Eleanor," John studied her.
"I think I must," Eleanor let our a breath, "Jamie will not rest until I do. He sees it as a test for us."
"And you do not think I will pass it?" John asked. "Do you have such little faith in me?"
"Oh John, I don't think I would ever pass the test if the roles were reversed," Ellie said, "It has nothing to do with you." She went and picked up the lantern light. "Come, the children must be worried."
"Of course," John took the light from her and offered his arm to escort her back into the house.
When they had finally gotten the children settled in and asleep for the night, Jamie approached Eleanor. "May I take the bairn fer a while? I can hold her while we talk."
"I don't think I can do this, Jamie," Eleanor's face was pale. "I'm really afraid."
"When I said we would do this together, mo ghraidh, I meant it," Jamie reached for the baby, putting Hope up against his shoulder and arranging the blanket to make sure she was warm. "It will be fine."
He went to sit at the table, John joining them.
"Sassenach," Jamie inclined his head, "Maybe get the whisky."
Claire grabbed the whisky and sat down next to Jamie. "You shouldn't force Eleanor to do something she isn't ready to do," Claire told him, putting the glasses on the table with a clank.
Jamie poured three glasses and shoved John's across the table. "Ye are goin to need this, man."
"That is never a good sign," John was composed, but you could tell he was concerned. He took a sip. "What is going on?"
Eleanor bit her lip, "you trust us all to be honorable and...sane...don't you?"
"Well, if you must know I do think all of you to be rather insane at times, but in general, yes, I do not doubt your soundness of mind," John said.
Eleanor looked at Jamie for support. "I do not know how to begin."
John put a hand on her arm, "Eleanor, there should be nothing too awful to fear between friends. And we are, are we not?"
"You do not understand."
"I have been privy to your secrets before."
"I know," she laughed, "since we first met. You have been a faithful confidant. But this...it's different." She gave Jamie a tortured look, "Must we?"
"Now you are frightening me," John looked between her and Jamie. "What is going on?"
Eleanor buried her head in the table, "It is going to sound insane to you, John."
John looked to Jamie. "If this is going to distress her this much, I'd rather not know."
"But you must," Jamie responded seriously, "If ye want to marry her, ye must ken. Fer her safety and that of our bairns. Especially to take Eleanor into society...it could be a disaster fer ye and fer her."
She lifted her head, "I can figure it out."
"Ach," Jamie shook his head, "no, mo ghraidh. Not without him helping you."
"But Claire went to Paris as Lady Broch Tuarach."
"And Jamie helped me navigate the French Court," Claire offered. "It wasn't easy. And I was more aware of history then you are."
"What in God's name is going on here?" John said, swallowing hard.
"Eleanor..." Jamie said.
Eleanor met his eyes, her eyes tortured and Jamie understood. He would have to do this for her.
"Aye, well, then," Jamie straightened his back, "I will begin for ye, lassie. When I chose to marry Eleanor, John, I did so for a verra specific reason. Ye have said before that Eleanor is unlike any other woman ye have ever ken...and ye are right, she is special and there is a reason fer that. She is ahead of our time in what she believes and how her mind works just as Claire is but.." Jamie looked down at the bairn and then back at John, "both of them are in line with how women think in their time."
John startled, paused and then said slowly, "I am not quite understanding your meaning."
Jamie met his eyes, "I will tell ye the whole of it, John. Ye deserve to ken the truth as a friend...and as a man of honor. All I ask is that ye listen and seek understanding."
"Of course," John said. "I will endeavor to do so."
And with that, Jamie launched into the whole tale, Hope in his arms. John listened intently, white faced. Eleanor beside him, clenched hands. Claire offered her bits and pieces to it. John asked questions, alot of them. Eleanor was quiet, the tension in her body.
"Claire is a doctor and you are...?" John looked to her. "Did you have an occupation?"
"A teacher," Eleanor swallowed hard.
"That is why you are so good with William's lessons."
"I enjoy it."
"You are educated, yes?"
Eleanor nodded.
"Did you attend university?"
"College in Virginia," Eleanor said, her voice tense. "Graduated Summa Cum Laude."
"With highest honors?" Jamie mused, "They gave awards at the end, then."
She nodded. "I think that did not start until the 1800s or so."
John's jaw dropped. "This is remarkable. And...the colonies..."
"Break free from the British a few years from now in a war that will be fought upon these shores and celebrated each year as our Independence Day. They form the United States of America. They are their own country and in hundreds of years from now, will be regarded as the most powerful nation in the world." Eleanor bit her lip. "That is my America, not the colonies."
"Life will even advance past what I knew to be true," Claire said, "There will be freedom and equality for all...in Ellie's days."
"Or working more towards it. We had an African American president," Eleanor smiled. "Our first lady was descended from slavery. It was remarkable. I voted for him. So inspiring."
"Did you vote?" John looked at her, in wonder.
"Of course," Eleanor nodded. "It's important to vote. That is the whole reason that America went to war- to have representation and a voice in the decisions that were to be made for us. We honor that by voting. I would take Harry and Charlotte with me. They loved the sticker."
"So there will not be a king?" John frowned, contemplating that.
"No, America will be founded on democratic principles. Justice and liberty for all...and it took hundreds of years, but really for all. It's why..." Eleanor rubbed her temples, her head was pounding, "I keep asking you if you are sure...because in my days, if you... felt a certain way, according to the law, it was okay to act upon it...even to marry."
John stood abruptly and walked to put his hand on the mantle.
Eleanor looked to Jamie, biting her lip. He reached across the table to pat her hand. "Just let him think," he whispered.
He was quiet for a few torturous minutes before speaking again...
"So you are telling me...Jamie...that you believe all this...? This is unfathomable."
"Aye," Jamie nodded. "I do. I sent Claire back through those same stones on the day I fought the battle of Culloden. I put her hand upon the stones and watch her disappear before my verra own eyes. And I was at the stones on the day Eleanor arrived and watched her sitting all day with her hand upon the same stone, trying to get back to her husband and wee uns."
John coughed again, "And your husband and children, Eleanor..." he leaned against the mantle.
"They are alive sometime in the future..." she said, "gone to me, but not entirely gone."
John turned abruptly and met Jamie's eyes, "Just like you described Claire to me at Ardsmuir." He turned back to the mantle, tapping his fingers against it, "I must think. Great God in Heaven, how can this be?"
"I know this is inconceivable for I think it is ridiculously insane and I lived it!" Eleanor buried her head on the table, unable to face it. She began to cry for she knew that John would not believe...he could not. No reasonable person would and John was the most reasonable, steady person she had ever met.
"Insane, but not untrue," Jamie's voice was strained as he saw how distraught Eleanor was. Maybe he had miscalculated things...
Claire reached across the table to put her hand on Ellie's. It was in that moment that Eleanor realized how much she needed John to believe her. As her trusted friend, who was always so steady for her, when her world was turned upside down as it was so often these days.
"Eleanor," John's voice was low, but compelling. "I need you to look me in the eyes once again and tell me all of this is true."
She raised her head and turned towards him. She met his eyes, tears clouding her vision. "Every wretched word is true, Lord John. I cannot explain why or how, but I just know it is."
In a swift determined movement, John strode over to her and reached for her hand which rested on the table. "Come then," He pulled her up, guiding her across the small room away from the others. "Sweetheart, you are trembling," he chided, "I will not hurt you."
"You cannot tell anyone..." she struggled to catch her breath, "they will think I am a witch and burn me..." She stood at arms length from him, though her hand was still in his.
"Put your mind at ease," he squeezed her hand, "I don't believe they burn witches in the colonies anymore," John said, soothingly, "Regardless, I doubt you will hear me ever repeating such a remarkable tale." He met her eyes, "And yet...the two people I trust most in the world and regard with the most affection and respect have told me this...and...I find myself..." he paused, letting out his breath, "believing this insanity."
"Really?" The tears dripped down Eleanor's cheeks. "Do you?"
"Yes, I do," John nodded. "My dear friend, what you have had to endure. What fear you have had to live through. And to have to tell me...I can only imagine the burden this has been for you. No wonder you were so troubled tonight. I wish to hold you. Will you allow me to do so?"
She nodded and he said, "Come to me then," He opened his arms up for her and she came into them. She sobbed into his arms, him quietly holding her. "Everything will be well," he murmured. "You do not have to fear so much. Now that I know, I can better help you. Jamie was right to insist upon it."
Jamie's eyes were on them, studying their interaction until Claire reached for his hand and inclined her head, pulling him into their bedroom, leaving Eleanor and John alone.
"I hate myself."
"Why would you say that?" he murmured.
"I cannot shut off what I know and just be at peace...normal...like everyone else."
John pulled her away from him, "I know what it is to feel different...to feel like you have no place to be yourself," he murmured. "But what makes you different, Eleanor," he reached in for his handkerchief, but wiped away her tears himself, "also makes you remarkable. And you are...very remarkable...and very dear. I beg you to never forget that. Now," he looked at her steadily, handing her his handkerchief, "you must dry your tears and tell me more. I want to hear from your words so you will know that I believe you...not because Jamie told me so."
He lead her to the small sofa and Eleanor and him talked for another hour before hearing the bairn cry.
"I did not realize Jamie still had Hope," Eleanor said.
"I had forgotten about her as well."
Jamie came out, his hair tossed. "She wants to feed, I think."
"She's overdue," Eleanor rose, taking the baby from Jamie, "Thank you, Jamie. For the record, I am sorry about questioning you in front of our children earlier. It was badly done." She frowned, "And for telling you that I would rather Lord John beat me than apologize- that was immature. Forgive me?"
Jamie gave her a lopsided grin, "Always, mo ghraidh," he leaned to kiss her cheek. "Thank ye for the apology. And we will have that discussion. Ye are their Mama. Nothing will change that fact. It dinna have to be such a struggle between us."
"Of course," she nodded. "I look forward to talking through it with you. Goodnight, James."
Jamie smiled at her, "Sweet dreams, lass."
"Goodnight, Lord John," Eleanor turned to him, "I hope you can sleep after all this drama."
"I will endeavor to do my best," John said, solemnly. He rose and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek, "Sleep well, Ellie, my dear."
She left them alone and Jamie went over to pour more whisky, handing John a glass and then sitting next to him.
"She did apologize...hours later," John remarked, taking a sip.
"Aye, that is usually the way of it," Jamie nodded. "Her pride is fierce, John. And her temper...aye, weel..." Jamie gave him a look and then a big grin.
John looked over to him startled, "You enjoy the part of her, don't you?"
"Maybe not at the time when she is sparkin my own, but upon reflection, when she is fierce, aye, I do enjoy it."
John chuckled. "She was quite so tonight in the yard, was she not?"
Jamie smiled, "Aye, she was- in rare form. When Eleanor believes she is right, even if she is clearly wrong, ye have to move heaven and earth to get her to sway."
"Are you trying to scare me into rescinding my offer?" John asked, lightly.
"Nah," Jamie shook his head, "Giving ye fair warning, tis all. And I have no determined yet if I will give my consent."
"Does she need your consent?" John asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Ye and her both will want it," Jamie took a swig of his drink. "If ye are serious about Eleanor, there are other matters."
"Like?"
"Do ye remember me describin to ye the differences between Eleanor and Claire?"
"Yes, indeed."
"Weel, they havena changed. Even after years in this century, ye must take care to guard Eleanor's heart, protect her from the harsher realities of this time."
"Of course."
"And sometimes that means doin things that ye dinna wish to do," Jamie said, grasping his tumbler. "because she is so damn stubborn at times and thinks she kens what is right. She doesna easily submit."
John gave a small smile, "Two ways, eh?"
"Aye," Jamie gave him a lopsided grin, "but to be perfectly honest, as much as she might imply otherwise, I only really laid a hand on her in the most dire circumstances..and with her consent. But she'll bring it up those two times every time she is angry...in every argument for the rest of your life...so do take care with it."
John laughed, "She is extraordinary, is she not?"
"Aye, she is," Jamie nodded. "So verra infuriating, but so verra..." He paused, shaking his head. "I miss her, ye ken."
"I know you do, Jamie," John said, gently.
"Thank ye for bein so kind to the lass tonight."
John nodded. "Of course. I meant my words to her, Jamie. She is very dear to me."
"I ken she is."
"Will you not let me do this, Jamie? For her? For you? For the children?"
"I dinnae ken."
"Well, I need you to figure it out soon...for all of our sakes," John patted him on the arm before bidding goodnight and heading to bed.
"Good morning," John came up to sit beside her on the porch swing. "How did Hope sleep?" he reached out to rub her head under her bonnet.
"Jamie took her again half way through the night," Ellie admitted. "He was worried she would wake up the children. And he knew how tired I was and emotional."
"Ah, yes," John continued to rub her head. "She is a doll, Eleanor. She looks so much like you."
"Yes, thankfully," Eleanor said, her legs bumping the swing. "Do you hate me now that morning has come?"
"Hate you?" John asked, surprised. "Why would I ever hate you?"
"We had formed a friendship and I did not trust you with the truth until Jamie forced my hand."
"I do not blame you for not trusting me with the truth," John said, quietly. "for the truth is...well, it is rather unconceivable. But as I said last night, there has always been an openness between you and I, Eleanor from the moment we met and you confided in me how put out Jamie would be with you for defying him."
Eleanor laughed at the memory, "He beat me that day."
"I suspected he might. I do hope that he did not make a habit of that."
"He didn't."
"I'm very glad to hear it...he has said as much to me," John told her.
She titled her head. "I should ask...if we are to wed, you wouldn't make a habit of, would you?"
He reached out to touch her arm, gently. "I do not think I would ever wish to take you to task in that way, Eleanor."
"Well, yes, I didn't think you would ever wish to...but there were a few occasions that Jamie didn't wish to, but did so anyway..."
"I see what you mean," John said, his voice low. "We are soldiers, my dear, obedience and swift punishment for lack of obedience are our way...I was a warden of a prison, so in that situation too, there were times to be harsh, for the good and safety of all. It is how order is maintained and frankly, it was the way we were both raised...If Jamie thought that not taking action would cause more harm than taking action, then I can understand his perspective...yet, for me, in your case, I do think you need gentleness over any harshness I could dole out."
"Even if I go against your wishes in the most stupidest of ways?" Eleanor rocked the baby, "because I swear John, it will happen one day."
He chuckled, "You are really trying to hold my feet to the fire, are you not?"
She raised an eyebrow.
"Very well, let me think on how best to answer," He paused, thinking for a few minutes. "I never raised a hand to Isobel. Does that help?"
"I couldn't imagine you would, but Lady Isobel was surely a more compliant, reasonable wife than I will be," Eleanor shifted the baby to her shoulder.
"Indeed, I am already seeing that," John reached for her hand. "You have a temper. It was for certain, one of your more amusing qualities when you were married to Jamie, but..."
"You might not be so amused when directed at you?" Eleanor asked, wryly.
He squeezed her hand. "That's the way of it."
"Jamie has more of a temper than you do though...we tended to clash in our marriage, because in spite of our vast differences, actually...when it comes to our vices, we were alot alike."
"I do have a temper though," John admitted, "Jamie tends to bring it out in me too."
Eleanor laughed. "Oh my, that's funny. I should warn you, more times than naught, Jamie was the first to yield to try to bring us back into harmony."
"My, that is telling," John laughed at her, "I told you I did not wish for a dull life with you."
She grinned at him, "So..."
"So..." he kissed her hand and released it. "To return to your original question, perhaps we should leave it at this. If all other recourse fails and the act was especially egregious...deliberately done and in defiance to my expressed wishes, an act that result in compromising your safety and that of our family, in which try as I might, I cannot get your understanding of it to prevent it from happening again...I may consider the option. But it would have to be very bad, Eleanor. And I would say, you would have to agree to terms beforehand."
"And if I don't?"
John met her eyes, "I can be quite persuasive, dearest. But if you don't, then I will not touch you. But you will have to deal with the other consequences it puts on our marriage and family. It will always be your choice to make. You are not a solider, but you are under my protection and you are my responsibility, so...I cannot dismiss it in its entirety, as much as I would wish to," he frowned at the thought. "I just cannot foresee a circumstance when I would resort to such measures, however, in generality, I make it a rule never to dismiss every possibility."
"Very well," Eleanor said, quietly. "I trust you to act reasonably and with kindness."
"That being said, I do not ever wish to break your spirit, Eleanor, especially considering you are perhaps not used to such ways...though Jamie assures me I will be tempted more times than naught."
She laughed, "He probably said you would never hear the end of it, either."
John gave her a wry look, "He did mention that, yes." He paused, contemplating, "And if there is a time, you find that you cannot submit to my lead, perhaps, that is my fault, for not properly giving you, your due," He stared out into the yard, watching the children playing, "There are many things unfair about this time...I know that all too well. And sometimes, we just have to bear it, Eleanor. Because that is the way it is and this is the time we are living in. You will not be disrespected. I will see to that...at least betwix the two of us."
"I understand," she responded. Eleanor shifted Hope who was straining to raise her head, giving John smiles.
"Hello, little one, I do see you," John murmured, his hand on the babe's back. He smiled back at her. She began to coo and John laughed. "she is quite charming like her mama, is she not?"
Eleanor laughed. "I wouldn't call me charming."
"I would," John met her eyes. "Very much so."
She touched his arm lightly, "Thank you for not thinking I am insane."
"You are most welcome," John smiled at her, reaching out to lightly trace the side of her face with his finger.
Later that day, Jamie shifted Rosie onto his other hip, kissing her mop of curls as he did. "That smells gut," he came up behind Claire.
Claire smacked his hand, gently. "You are worse than the little ones, Jamie."
He chuckled. "Where are the boys?"
"Running around the yard with William. It is like they sense each other, even though that have no idea."
"Aye, I noticed that as well."
He paused as laughter filtered into through the porch. "What is that?"
"I think Eleanor is talking to Lord John on the porch."
More sweet laughter filled the air, this time as he returned hers, laughing together.
"What is it Jamie?" Claire studied her husband carefully.
"She...I have not heard her laugh like that in the longest time. A few times with Murtagh, but not that way." Tears filled his eyes. "I'm sorry."
"No, I understand," Claire said, under her breath, "This is how she was with you, wasn't she?"
"Aye," Jamie took a long sniff, his eyes filled with tears. "It was. John once said that her laughter could heal the weariest of souls. It is as true then as it is today," He kissed Rosie's head again, noticing the child was watching his reaction. "Tis sweet to hear Mama laugh again, Rosie, lassie."
"Mama," Rosie nodded seriously. "Mama happy."
He kissed her again and then put her down, with a swat, "Go play with dollies, lassie. Or go outside to find Mama."
"I want mama."
"Go on then. She would love to see ye."
Rosie toddled off and Claire turned to him, her hands on his shoulders. "I don't pretend to understand how you are feeling. I know you are drawn to Eleanor still as she is to you. But you cannot use the children to keep her here."
"Aye, but John...all things considering," Jamie frowned.
"When I told you the truth about me, you believed me because there was a truth between us. It was inconceivable to you, but it didn't stop you from trusting what we had built. Clearly, John feels the same way. It's a gift, that Eleanor does not have to pretend. If he says that he will be faithful to her, then you have to believe his word."
"but they canna make each other happy..."
More laughter filled the air and Jamie leaned out to watch the scene on the porch carefully. Eleanor had shifted Hope into John's arms and reached to pick up Rosie, hugging her in her arms, breathing in her scent. John had given her a tender smile, his eyes meeting hers, knowing how special it was for Rosie to open up to her again.
"There is more than one way to make one happy," Claire's voice was soft. "They have a connection. It may not be physical, but it is clear that Lord John adores Ellie. You must see that."
"He always has," Jamie said, his voice low. He closed his eyes tightly. "Verra well. I want a church wedding."
"Why?"
"The woman has been handfasted twice now...she deserves a proper marriage," Jamie said, quietly.
"And the children?"
"I dinnae ken," Jamie said. "I owe it to her to at least try to figure it out."
"There is something else to consider," Claire said, softly, "John is English. They will lose the war. Can we really mix the children up in that?"
"Eleanor doesna seem concerned. And I just took land from the English and pledged loyalty," Jamie said, "We already mixed ourselves up in it."
"What about the children?" Claire pressed.
"We will have to figure all that out together," Jamie said, "but tis the right thing to do. Excuse me," he said.
Eleanor hugged Rose, breathing in her scent, smoothing down her frizzy curls. Her eyes met John's and he smiled warmly at her. Jamie stepped out onto the porch.
"Do ye truly wish this?" Jamie asked both of them.
Eleanor looked at John who nodded, "It seems like the most reasonable course," he retorted.
"Then," Jamie reached for Eleanor's hand, pulling her up. Eleanor shifted Rosie on her hip. Jamie put his hand on his daughter's head and then tipped Eleanor's chin up. "I wish ye the best, mo ghraidh and there is no man better on this Earth than Lord John. I truly believe that."
"Jamie," Eleanor's eyes filled with tears.
Jamie backed away from her and bowed, "My Lady."
John rose with Hope. "Jamie..." his voice was hoarse with emotion for his words touched him deeply.
"Ye will do right by her, John, or I swear to God, I will hunt ye down and there will be a stiff price to pay."
John met his eyes, "On my honor, Mister Fraser."
"Verra gut," Jamie smiled at both of them, "We will figure out the particulars later. But I just wanted ye to both ken that I give ye my blessing."
Eleanor saw how much those words cost him at that moment. Knew how much they would cost him in the future. And yet, he was willing- for her peace and to lessen her heartache. And because he loved her. She rushed forward to put her arms around Jamie, "I love you, James Fraser," she whispered in his ear.
"I love ye too, mo ghraidh," he murmured back. "Fer Always."
A/N: Did Jamie redeem himself just a bit...?