A/N: So...quick update. Outlander inspired me to write this chapter...we took a little detour from River Run, but I promise, it's coming in the next chapter. How do you think Brianna should react? I have some ideas, but I'm curious your thoughts- drop a review! :)

Chapter 30:

As soon as John and Eleanor were preparing to leave for River Run, John got word that he was being summoned to Williamsburg for a private meeting with the governor. As such, they decided to travel across Virginia to Williamsburg and then travel to New Bern to stay with Governor Tryon. Eleanor then told John they might as well go to Willmington to check on Fergus and Marasli before heading up the River to River Run. William wisely opted to stay home with his tutor then go on this multiple stop adventure, while Eleanor and John attempted to maneuver through traveling with four very cranky children.

Being in Williamsburg again was surreal for Eleanor. As she stepped down from the coach on Duke of Glouster Street, Rosie in her arms, her hand pulling Sam from trying to run, she was filled with longing for another little boy and girl...children of her heart from a different time, but the same place.

"Eleanor," John's eyes creased in worry, "What is it, dearest?"

"May we walk before we go to the inn?"

"Very well, it seems the children would benefit from some exercise," John said, his eyes still studying her. There was something peculiar about Eleanor from the moment she arrived in Williamsburg. He turned to Tom, "Will you not sort the luggage?"

Tom nodded, "Yes, my Lord. Shall Susanna take Hope to the inn?"

"I think so, the poor babe needs a nap," John said, looking to Eleanor for approval to said plan, but she was completely distracted.

Susanna and Tom left and Eleanor put down Rosie.

"Take my hand, Samuel," John said to his godson, knowing full well, he could corral the boy better than his distracted mother.

She gestured her head, away from the palace, "This way, I think."

They crossed the road, as people milled around, looking in and out of the shops. Eleanor breathed in the air, feeling the sunshine on her face, trying desperately to connect with the wife and mother...the woman she wasn't sure existed any longer.

"Where are we, Mama?" Mac asked as they got to the end of the street.

"Home," Eleanor said, closing her eyes.

Eleanor bounded down the steps of the Wren building, her backpack slung over her shoulder. She was lost in thought over her mental to do list. Exams were fast approaching and taking an overload this semester was taking its toll. She tripped over an upturned brick, her books in her arms, scattered.

"God," she said, groaning.

"Here," A boy came up behind her, "Let me help." He looked up at her, "You are in my ethics class. You sit in the front."

"Yes, that's me," Eleanor said, her face blushing.

"Eleanor, right?"

"Yes," Ellie said, taking the books from the boy.

"Will," The boy stuck out his hand and Eleanor shook it, "Hey, do you want to maybe grab some coffee? I have an hour until my next class."

She smiled at him, "I'd love that."

"Mama, what do ye mean, home?" Mac tugged her hand. "This is not yer home. It's no Lallybroch or Fraser's Ridge or Mount Josiah."

Eleanor forced her mind back to the present...or the past. She wasn't sure at this point.

John released Sam's hand. "You children can run around the grass. Just make sure that you do not wander too far," he ordered, his tone brooking no argument. Mac continued to look at his mama, brow creased in surprise. "You too, Mac. Go on now. Stretch your legs. It was a long carriage ride."

Mac took Rosie's hand and then began to chase after Sam. Soon the children's laughter filled the air.

He took her by the crook of the elbow and led her to a nearby stone bench, "Sit here, Eleanor."

"Harry! Charlotte!" Eleanor entreated, "Do be careful of running on the brick."

"Let them play, Ellie," Will said, leaning for a kiss. "It is good to be home again."

"Where we first met...and fell in love," Eleanor smiled, "all because I was such a klutz and tripped over the brick."

"Truth be told, I was gathering the courage to ask you out," Will said. "I had been watching you all semester."

"Mama!" Harry ran up to her, "I wanna go to here when I am big."

Eleanor scooped her son up, kissing his head, "I'm so glad, my lovie."

"Eleanor," John's voice was sharp, bring her back. "Why did you not say?"

"About what?" Eleanor said, her eyes opening again.

John looked around to ensure their privacy. They were the only people on the grounds.

"You went to school here," John's voice was low. "You walked these streets...in the future, did you not?"

Eleanor swallowed hard, "Yes, I did."

"When you said you went to college in Virginia, I did not think..." John paused, "I rather thought that you went to some school created in the future."

"No," Eleanor shook her head, "I went here. Part of what drew me here was it's a school that is steeped in history and tradition...where great minds that would later form and lead our country went."

John looked to her in wonder, "You sat here...in the future."

"Yes," Eleanor said, letting out her breath. "Attended class in this building. It would burn down three times, but they would always rebuild with the original brick. The college would grow to include many other buildings. It was still a small school compared to others that would be built in Virginia."

"Eleanor," John breathed her name, not sure of what to say to this acknowledgment.

"I met Will in college," she added, "Here. Two hundred and thirty odd years in the future. Our kids played on these very grounds just as my children are running around here today. Harry said he always wanted to go here, but it could be Mac or Sam that ends up attending here...in the past."

"You should have said so," John said, "When I told you we were coming. We could have talked it over. I could have prepared you better to seeing this again."

"I did not know that being here would have such a strong effect on me," Eleanor said, honestly, her gloved hands in her lap.

"Of course, it did," He reached for her hand, squeezing it once. "It is all quite inconceivable, is it not?"

"Indeed," Eleanor said, "I'm trying to wrap my mind around it..."

John looked at her, worried, "And find again the person that you were?" he asked.

"Maybe," she took a long breath in, "My heart is torn up, John. It's almost as if I can feel Will and Charlotte and Harry's presence here. Like I can reach through the air and grab them again."

He gripped her hand more tightly, "Dearest Eleanor, I'm so very sorry."

She swallowed hard, two tears dropping down her face. "But I have you...and Mac and Sam and Rosie and Hope...and William. I am content. My heart is just sore. I just need a few minutes to be still."

"Then we shall sit here for a while and enjoy the day. The children do need to play after such a long journey. Otherwise they will be difficult tonight and we do have to go to our engagements." He began to let go of her hand, but she shook her head and he kissed it and then continued to hold it.

They sat in quiet, watching the little ones play.

Eleanor's voice was soft when she finally spoke, "Do you think they even remember they had a mother?"

John squeezed her hand, "If Will loved you the way you say he did, then he will never let them forget. And when he takes them to places such as these, he can remind them of all the wonderful times you had together."

She smiled at him, "Thank you for being still with me."

"You are most welcome," John said, "Now let's corral the children and go to the inn and rest. We have supper with the governor tonight."

"Wonderful," Eleanor said, dryly.

John chuckled, "Try to conjure just a tad bit more enthusiasm, dearest. I hear there will be quite a few landowners there."

"That's so great," Eleanor said, sarcastically. "Whatever shall I wear?"

John laughed some more and rose and offered his hand, "The blue dress, dearest, the one that matches your eyes. And your pearls I bought you. Now, come, my dear. We mustn't be late."

"Eleanor, there you are, my dear," John said as Eleanor approached John who was talking to a couple, "I want to introduce you to some new acquaintences."

He put a hand on her elbow, guiding her to his side. "Eleanor, may I present Colonel Washington and his wife, Martha? My wife, Lady John Grey."

Eleanor's heart nearly stopped and she nearly fumbled her curtsey, only John's steady hand on her elbow, who was quick to stabilize her without missing a beat, allowing her to hide her clumsiness.

"Colonel and Mrs. Washington, it is a pleasure to meet you," Eleanor said, willing her force to come out steady and natural. She could feel her face flush.

"Lady John," George Washington bowed at her as Martha curtseyed. "The pleasure is mine."

"The Washingtons have an estate up north," John said, not removing his hand from her. His voice was quite causal and as usual, she was quite in awe of her dignified husband. He was able to insert himself naturally into any social situation and was always the most steady, composed disposition, the perfect foil for her.

"Yes, Mt Vernon," Eleanor murmured, nodding her head.

"Indeed," Martha said, smiling, "Do you know of it, my dear?"

John's hold on her elbow tightened, "Eleanor grew up in the colony of Virginia. She knows much more about these parts than I do, I confess."

Eleanor forced a smile, "I do."

"I spent the entirely of my life here," George confessed, "Virginia is my home."

"It is a dear place," Eleanor said, allowing herself to relax, even in the presence of a man who would one day be one of the most famous Americans. "I was telling Lord John today when we arrived in Williamsburg, that being in Virginia, it as if it makes my heart complete."

"Yes," George gave her a small smile, "it is as such."

"But we heard that you have done some traveling abroad, Lady John. Scotland, was it?" Martha said, "How did you find it?"

"Rainy," Eleanor said, "The weather was frightful at times, but it was also a dear place."

"We met a Scot while we were last in Wilmington. A Mister..." Martha looked to her husband. "What was his name, dear?"

"James Fraser, I believe," George supplied.

"Did you?" Eleanor looked at John.

"Do you know of him?" Martha asked.

John cleared his throat, "We both do. Our history with Mr. Fraser is quite complicated, but he is a treasured friend to us both."

"After your travels, we hope that you will both come up to Mount Vernon to spend some time," Martha said, "We do like to make ourselves acquainted to other landowners in our colony."

"Yes," Eleanor smiled, "That would be an honor."

"Then we shall arrange it," George said. He reached for Martha's hand, "Lady John. Lord John."

John turned to her, watching them walk away. "There is something you are not telling me."

She inclined her head and John came closer, "The first president of the United States just walked away," she whispered.

John's eyes widened, "You do not say."

She grinned and then giggled.

John smiled at her, "You are quite besides yourself, are you not?"

"Indeed," Eleanor said. She leaned up to whisper in his ear, "Just so you know, he commands the army that defeats the British."

John's eyebrow raised, "You must tell me more of the history of this new land," he whispered, "So I can be better prepared for when my wife might become overtaken."

She blushed further, "Thank you for saving my curtesy. I nearly fell on my face."

"Surely not," John chuckled, "But what are husbands for, my dear, but to offer a hand when needed?" He looked to her, "It is almost time for supper. I heard that we were being seated by a young man, who is a member in the House of Burgesses...from Ablemarle County."

"What's his name?"

"Thomas...something..." John said, frowning, "Jeffers maybe?"

"Jefferson?" Eleanor asked, her eyes twinkling.

"Yes, that's it," John said. "I heard he is dreadfully quiet, but he shares your love of literature so perhaps you will be able to engage him."

"Then it is a good thing indeed, that you have kept me well read these past few years," Eleanor said, laughing.

John reached out to put his hand on her arm, leaning in, "Do not tell me, you know of this man as well?"

She leaned in, "Third President. He helped draft the document that would declare our independence from the dastardly British Rule."

John gave her a reproving look, "Do not talk politics, Eleanor. It is dreadfully unfit for a lady of this time."

Eleanor opened her fan, "You spoil all my fun, Lord John," she began to fan herself, looking very much the part of a lady from this century.

John came closer to her to whisper in her ear, a small smile on his lips, "Not all your fun, my dear wife."

She laughed, "Tis so. I will be a good girl. I promise."

And later as John and her walked home to the inn, she said, "I do not know why they all think him to be dreadfully shy. He was quite animated."

John gave her a long look, that she could not quite read, "Perhaps it was the lovely woman by his side, whose quiet, intuitive nature and intelligent responses drew him out of himself."

She laughed, "Surely you are joking. I am none of those things...especially to a great man like him."

"You are all of those things," John said, adamantly. He paused, "You were lovely tonight, Eleanor. I'm quite taken with you myself."

She blushed and wasn't sure what to say or how to interpret his look, so she opted for, "Did your business go well with the Governor?"

John nodded, "Indeed. Men like Washington and Jefferson...there have already been grumblings of discontent with the British. The Governor wishes myself..and by extension, you, to see if we can quiet discontent among the gentry."

She paused, a shiver up her arm, "We cannot, Lord John. It is imperative that we do not."

"It will not do any harm to socialize with the likes," John said, "And that will not be for a while. We have more pressing matters at hand.." he said, "Like cranky children who must travel to New Bern in the morn."

Eleanor grimaced, "Fun times."

John laughed, "Indeed."

"I do thank you again for your hospitality, your excellency," Eleanor said, from her spot to the right of Governor Tryon. "It was so kind of you to host us again."

"The pleasure is all mine, Lady John," he responded. "Are the children settled for the night?"

"Yes, indeed, everyone has been so accommodating," she took a sip of wine, her face flushed. John's eyes met her from across the table as he gave her a small bolstering smile. This was indeed out of her element and he knew how uncomfortable he was. There was a marked change from Eleanor in Virginia, to Eleanor in North Carolina. And Tryon was a different sort of man than Jefferson or Washington.

Tryon's wife was away and while the dinner party was small, Eleanor had been given the spot next to the Governor, which meant she had to endure small talk for the whole of the evening, instead of John leading the conversation and her adding bits and pieces. John and her often fed off each other in conversation, their minds and sense of humor endlessly connected.

"I must say I was unaware of our mutual connection," Tryon said.

Eleanor took a spoonful of soup, "Connection?" she asked, her sapphire ring gleaming in the candlelight.

"Lord John said you were married to James Fraser."

Eleanor coughed and then sipped on her wine, "Yes," she struggled, smiling. "I was. It is a very long, very complicated story."

"One that Lord John enlightened me to. You poor dear. What a situation to be in."

"Good came out of it though," Eleanor said, softly, "The children...and then Lord John. I am quite content."

"Have you seen the attempts Colonel Fraser has made to cultivate the land?"

"We haven't been to Fraser's Ridge since we have wed," Eleanor said, "but we will return soon...so the children can spend time with their father. They are looking forward to being with him again."

"A good man, is he not? A useful man," he said. "I do say if the insurgents get out of hand, Colonel Fraser will be a very good man to have on our side."

She swallowed hard, "Insurgents?" She fingered at her pearls, the only sign to John that she was agitated. The deep purple dress was stunning on her and the pearls dipped low enough that it met with the cut of her dress, which showed a fair bit of cleavage. There was no doubt in John's mind that Tryon was intrigued by Eleanor, but then Tryon was used to a strong woman in his own wife.

"Yes, tiresome creatures. Upset with the new taxes."

Eleanor glanced again at John who titled his head in clear warning to keep her opinions to herself.

Still Eleanor could not help but speak, "I often find when men don't have a say in matters that affect them everyday, they tend to get put out," Eleanor offered, softly, to which Tryon laughed incredulously,

"But isn't how it always works?"

Eleanor swallowed her wine again, trying to navigate this conversation, "Perhaps so. I can only tell you what I observe. When men feel like their voice is being stifled, often they will simply..." she paused, "speak louder."

"The next thing they will want is representation in Parliament," Tryon declared loudly, to the chuckles of the party. "You are quite opinionated for a woman."

"So, I have been told," Eleanor said, her voice quite light. "It's a dreadful vice of mine, your excellency."

John stifled a laugh and then took a long sip of wine.

She gave him a look and then turned her gaze back to Tryon, "One that I am sure to be scolded on by Lord John later tonight."

Tryon gave her an amused grin, "Undoubtably, Lady John," He leaned over, conspiratorially, "Should I pardon you?"

Eleanor laughed, her face flushing further. "I would be forever in your debt if you would," she said, the same light tone to her voice. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught John, whose jaw had stiffened.

"Then consider it done, my dear Lady John," Tryon said, He leaned over to whisper so know one could hear "As for my debt, I could foresee when a charming, witty, intelligent woman like yourself could prove useful one day."

She smiled at him, "I think my husband finds me most useful."

Tryon continued his private conversation with her, ignoring that John's back had straightened even further and he had stopped eating to watch.

"Are you certain of that?" he said under his breath to her.

"Yes, completely," Eleanor said, fingering her necklace again.

He straightened and said louder, "When you see Colonel Fraser again, will you give him and his lovely wife, my regards?"

"Of course, your excellency, I would be pleased to," Eleanor said, "But Jamie is not a Colonel any longer."

"Did he not tell you?" Tryon asked, lightly, "It was a contingency for him accepting the land."

"Is that so?" Eleanor glanced at John, whose jaw now twitched, a sure sign that she was to guide the conversation away from its current direction and not comment on Jamie's affairs.

"Indeed," Tryon said, "I had to make all sorts of exceptions for him...being a Jacobite and a Catholic."

"I see," She took another bite, "I wanted to say that I was so sorry to miss your wife. How is she?"

John nodded at her as she guided the conversation...away from James Fraser and the possibility of war.

"I'm sure it is not as troublesome as you think," John said as Eleanor roughly took down the pins from her hair. She was standing in front of him in her shift, having undressed herself for the night, as he as taking off his breeks.

"If Tryon calls him, he'll have to muster a bloody army, John," Eleanor said, tossing the pins in her box.

John paused, staring at her, before his expression softened, "You will pull out her hair if you do not take care. Should I get Susanna?"

"No," Eleanor said, "I can bloody take my own hair down."

"Without pulling your hair out?" John asked, wryly.

She looked at him in the mirror and then turned. "He should have told me."

"I am certain he did not wish you to worry as you are doing now, for something that may never happen," John said, quietly. At Eleanor's clear anxiety, he said, "Oh darling, come to me." He opened up his arms and Eleanor didn't even hesitate to go into them, desperately wanting the comfort of John's steady arms, burying her head in his nightshirt.

"But it will happen," Eleanor said, sobbing, "And he is...I am accepting that he is not mine, but he has to remain in this world. A world without James Fraser is a world I cannot bear to live in. Even if you are in it, bolstering me along."

John pulled away from her and tipped up her chin, "Do you think I do not understand that? I feel quite similarly, even more so now our families are so connected. But you cannot worry over things that have not happened and you cannot assume that the worst thing will happen."

She sniffed hard, "You're right. But if he is so mixed up with Tryon, he is taking the wrong side of history."

John wiped her tears with the pad of his thumb, "As am I. But as men...we must do as we can...to act honorably and in accordance with the convictions in our heart. You do understand, don't you, darling?"

"I do," She nodded. "I just..." she paused, "Jamie was always keeping things from me, even when we were married."

John leaned to kiss her, tenderly, "It is his deep love for you, Eleanor, that makes him want to guard your heart, from matters that would only plague your soul. It is an honor, not a slight for him to take such care with you."

She let out her breath, "When you say such things in such sweet ways, it is hard to remain offended."

John smiled, "That's the spirit, my dear."

She smiled back, "I should get the rest of my hair down. I'm sure I look like a mess."

"You are beautiful as ever," John said, "But do allow me to assist with your hair. You have knotted it awfully," he said, his tone mildly scolding.

He turned her around, firmly and began to take out the pins before she could offer any argument.

"John?" Eleanor asked, quietly after a while.

"Yes, my dear?" He put the last pin down in her box and then moved to put his hands on her hips.

She looked at him in the mirror. "I don't believe the insurgents are wrong...maybe the way they are going about it, but not the cause of it..."

John let out a long breath, "I know you don't. But you must keep that opinion betwix you and I...where it is safe to speak your mind."

She nodded, "I know."

"Very good," John turned her head gently to kiss her on the lips. "Now what was this business about your husband scolding you?"

"I was pardoned by the governor for that," she said as he kissed her again.

"Were you?" John said, between kisses, "I rather think you were being a tease with Tryon."

There was something in his tone that surprised her. She pulled away from him, "Did that bother you?"

He reached for her and picked her up, her legs wrapping around his waist. "Truth be told, I didn't enjoy my wife being flirtatious with another man..."

"Why is that?" she asked as he plopped her back on the bed, her hair splaying across the pillow.

"I find myself wanting to be the sole recipient of your charming ways," John said, untying the tie to her shift.

"You are," Eleanor reached up to cup his face, "For the record, I did not mean to...I was trying to extradite myself from the conversation."

John pulled up the fabric to her shift, "I know." He leaned in to kiss her, his kisses rough with her as hand rubbed up and down her side. "Great God in heaven, I must have you."

"Must you?" Eleanor said, breathless.

"I must, and I do not want anything in my way, " he said, adamantly, pulling her up and untangling her from her shift as well as his own shirt before pushing her forcibly back onto the pillow. He paused, "Truth be told, I do not wish to be gentle tonight. If you are opposed, then you must say something now."

She leaned up to whisper in his ear, "Do your best, Lord John," she said, her voice in a clear challenge, knowing full wrong that there was never a challenge that John Grey failed to meet.

And afterwards, John traced her arm, drawing lines with his finger between her moles, deep in thought.

"Is there something interesting about the marks on my arm?" Eleanor said, lightly, still out of breath. He had been relentless with her tonight, like he had something to prove to her. She had matched his fervor with her own, but now he almost seemed contemplative about something, withdrawn.

On the whole, Lord John was the most gentle, considerate lover. Even that night after Jamie left, when she got glimpses of his passion when it was unchecked, he wasn't even this completely free with her...he seemed to sense her limits and even in his rawness, stay within those limits he so intuitively seemed to understand. But tonight, he was downright commanding and held her captive, stretching her limits, her endurance in ways that only Jamie Fraser was apt to do in those unrefined times.

"Indeed," John said, his voice light, "I never realized you had so many. I'm trying to see if I can connect them all."

"Like connect the dots?" Eleanor giggled. "Surely that is not what is causing you to be so quiet."

"I'm just," John continued to rub his finger against her arm from mole to mole, "wondering what you have done to me."

"What I have done to you?" She stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes.

"The irony of my statement is not lost upon me," John said, wryly.

She grunted, before turning her head again, "Were you really that jealous of one minute of flirtation with Tryon?"

"I could see that he admired you, that he would want you," John continued to trace, "So, I suppose your answer is yes, I was completely jealous."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"That is what I am trying to figure out."

She gave him a gentle smile, "Well, if I fall asleep while you figure it out, don't be offended. It was so tiring today with the children and you completely shattered me right now."

"Yes, go to sleep, my darling," John continued his endeavors, "I shall be well."

"I know that," Eleanor said, yawning. "Once you get outside of your head," she said wryly.

John raised an eyebrow, "Oh you are one to talk, Lady John."

She giggled and then took the pillow and smacked him. John looked at her for a moment, shocked, then his smile widened.

"Now, you've done it, Lady John," he told her, his voice low. He reached for his own pillow to retaliate, sparking a pillow fight and giggle fest that was quite undignified for the ever dignified Lord John.

And when she called mercy yet again, John leaned up over her, kissing her, gently. "I wish to be tender with you now."

"Oh God," Eleanor shook her head, "No, I cannot again. It's not possible."

"Yes, you can," he said, smiling at her. "Just one more time, so we can both fall asleep properly. If I can, then you certainly can."

"Very well," Eleanor said, her eyebrow rising, "Very gentle, my Lord."

"The most gentle," John said, kissing each finger, stopping only briefly over her sapphire. "You are dear to me, Eleanor. Perhaps, I need not understand my feelings- the feelings of irrationality that are provoked deep within me at the very thought of you in the bed of another man."

"I would never..." Eleanor looked in his eyes, "I told you when we were wed, I will honor our vows no matter what."

"Even if that man is James Fraser?" He connected with her, startling her by his sudden movement.

Eleanor winced, "What are you talking about?"

He kissed her gently, moving against her, "If Claire was no longer a factor and Jamie came for you, would you go into his bed?"

Eleanor's eyes darkened and then retorted, "Would you?"

John gave a long, deep chuckle, "Jamie doesn't want me. But I cannot say the same for you. If Claire wasn't here, well, we know what history has shown us."

Eleanor shifted underneath him, uncomfortable, "Hold on. Stay still for a minute."

He stilled immediately, but did not draw away.

"What is going on with you tonight?" her eyes met his as her hand went up to cradle his face, "Are you trying to provoke me? For what purpose?"

He stared at her, "I want to be the one you would choose," his voice was low. "If I am beginning to feel such things with you, I want to be the one you want."

"Lord John," Eleanor swallowed hard. "Half the time I think you are only attracted to me because that you know that James Fraser has had his way with me."

John laughed, "Great God in heaven, Eleanor, to say such a thing..." He pulled away from her to roll over, taking the spot on her side. He offered a hand and pulled her up to sit.

"Am I wrong?" she demanded.

"Yes. No. Maybe," John confessed. "No, I do not think. At first, maybe...in these ways only, for in all other ways I was drawn to you from the beginning because of who you are."

"And who am I?"

He didn't miss a beat, "My best friend."

Her heart melted in spite of it all. "Lord John..." she reached out to rub the side of his face.

"I'm sorry that I am who I am, Eleanor. You deserve a man like James Fraser. He has said as much- that I could never give you the passion you need."

Eleanor rolled her eyes, "Jamie doesn't want to think of me being uninhibited with another man...he said it out of jealousy, not out of truth."

"Then you think me capable? There was a time you were anxious of it."

"Good Lord, John Grey, I can barely move from all the passion you gave me tonight," Ellie said, dryly. "I assure you...there is nothing lacking in that area...unless you feel that way. Sometimes, I am unsure of myself, but you are very good about bringing me into better confidence with you."

"No," John let out a breath, "I just...this is not who I am. I have never wished for this...and yet, here we are, and I find myself hopeless endeared to you."

"Does it matter?" Eleanor asked, "that this is not your first wish? Does it matter your motivations about tonight even?"

"Perhaps," John said, slowly, "Perhaps it does not. Perhaps it is simply enough to live moment by moment."

"Then...come and kiss me again, Lord John," Eleanor said, "Let us live in the moment, right now. For I can assure you, at this moment, there is no where I'd rather be then in your arms."

He took in her words and then looked at her again. Taking her hand, he kissed it. "I have used you frightfully tonight. If you wish for a reprieve..."

She inclined her head, "Get over here. Morning will be here before we know it...and I'm going to need all my wits at breakfast to not embarrass you with my opinions."

He slid over to her, kissing her neck gently. He nuzzled his face in it, "You do not embarrass me. I only wish caution for your own good, my dear."

"I know," she said, her hands on his back. "Now, let's stop all this contemplative talk. I wish for you to exhaust me further."

"That can most certainly be arranged," he said. "For at the moment, there is no where I'd rather be...than with you."

"Fergus!" Mac and Sam bounded up to their brother, throwing themselves at him as Marsali grinned in delight.

Rosie was clinging to Eleanor's skirts and Hope had fallen asleep in her arms.

"I'm so sorry for the less than formal greeting," Eleanor said, but then went to give both Fergus and Marsali a one armed hugged. "How I have missed you both though!"

"As have we, Ellie," Fergus said, smiling at her, still poking around with the boys.

"And I cannot wait to meet Germain," Eleanor said.

"And us meet Hope," Fergus said.

John had cleared his throat slightly and Eleanor stopped, "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I forgot, Marsali, I do not think you ever formally met Lord John."

She stepped back and looked at John sheepishly, "I am really no good at all of this."

John gave her an encouraging smile and she continued,

"Lord John, may I introduce or reintroduce some of the dearest people on earth? Fergus and Marsali Fraser. Fergus, Marsali, my husband, Lord John Grey."

"I am most pleased to make your acquaintance, Mistress Fraser" John bowed, "especially as Eleanor speaks so highly of you. And Fergus, it is a pleasure to see you again."

Fergus bowed, the boys still hanging on him, "Lord John. Welcome to our home."

Marsali smiled, curtsying,"Verra pleased to meet ye, Lord John."

"Boys, take care not to smother your brother," Eleanor said and Fergus chuckled, "Let the boys be, mi lady. I'm very glad to see them too." He tossed Sam over his shoulder. "Is this Hope?" He came to get a closer peek. "She is close in age to our Germain."

"Yes, indeed," Eleanor said. "This is Hope Emmeline..." she paused over her daughter's surname. "Grey."

Marsali looked underneath her bonnet, "Look at that mop of wee red curls. Such a bonny name for a wee lassie," She smiled at her friend, "You do ken we call Jamie Grandperre now."

Eleanor glanced at Fergus, "I'm sure Jamie loves that," She looked over her shoulder to John, who hid a smirk, "At least the sentiment, if not the fact it ages him quite a bit."

"And Claire, Granny," Fergus offered, "We wish for Germain to call mi lady something, but Marsali assured me that, you would not be offended, to not be called Granny yourself."

Eleanor looked to Marsali and laughed, "Thank you, Marsali for that. Our children will grow up more as cousins more than the aunt and uncles and nieces and nephews they are."

"That is what I was telling Fergus," Marsali said, "And we are verra happy indeed fer it, Ellie."

Mac had been to run circles around John and Lord John leaned down to give him a firm reprimand to mind his manners.

"In fact," Fergus looked to Marsali, "We wish for you, Eleanor, to be Germain's godmother, for it doesn't seem right that mi lady not have a special place in his life."

Eleanor's eyes filled with tears as she went back over to Fergus, "You have been with me from the very beginning of this journey and I thank you for it. I'd be honored," she kissed his cheek.

"Ah, do not weep," Fergus said, still dangling Sam over his shoulder.

"Aye, I agree, no tears," Marsali said, firmly, "Come, Ellie, we can put the sleeping bairn down on our bed. And we can sneak a wee peek at Germain." She knelt down, "Rosie Fraser, ye dinna have to act all shy. We are ye family, ye ken." She offered the girl her hand and Rosie took it, but stuck her thumb in her mouth.

Eleanor laid Hope on the bed, "I thank you for welcoming us Marsali. I did not want to intrude but we couldn't be within a two days journey and miss the opportunity to see you again."

"Of course, ye are no intruding," Marsali said. "We are honored that ye are willing to take the time. Fergus loves those wee lads as his brothers, ye ken. And Rosie here..." she paused, "and now wee Hope."

She paused, sensing something from the other woman. She knew about Hope.

"Marsali," she cleared her throat, "I know that you...and Fergus...I mean...you were on the ship...when we thought Claire had died...and you saw how Jamie was..."

"Aye, and we both ken that it was ye that convinced him to come to his senses...and I ken ye dinnae come back to the room that we were sharin that night. And Fergus was with Murtagh, so we ken ye were not with him..." she paused, "Ye dinnae have to fear me sayin anythin about Hope. She is clear as the nose on yer face that she is a Fraser, but if Jamie and Claire want to deny it, then I am not goin to be the one to stir matters. I will, myself and Fergus as well, look upon her as one of our family. She canna think that she isna loved especially when the other wee uns are so adored by us all."

Tears filled Eleanor's eyes, "Thank you," she whispered.

"Of course," Marsali said, nodding.

"It isn't Jamie's fault. I haven't told him."

Marsali gave her a look, "Jamie Fraser has never been a fool, Ellie. She looks like a Fraser. If he dinnae say, it is fer Claire's sake...and I suspect fer ye as weel."

"I was an idiot."

"No," Marsali said, calmly, "Ye were his wife. And what ye did fer him that night was what ye should have done. Who would ken that Claire would have nine lives?"

Eleanor giggled, "Oh, I have missed you and our long conversations. At least we aren't on that rolling ship anymore."

"Aye, tis a gut thing indeed," Marsali said as she reached for Germain and Eleanor opened up her arms and took the boy, "Oh, my, he is handsome. Like his Papa," she said, smiling.

"Lord John," Fergus shuffled the boys off of his lap, "There is a rather delicate matter I wish to discuss in mi Lord's absence."

"Of course," John inclined his head, "Perhaps, the boys can stay here and entertain themselves while we go out."

"Yes, that will do," Fergus said as Marsali and Eleanor came back out.

"Where are you going?" Eleanor asked, titling her head.

"Fergus is going to to accompany me so we can see about lodgings," he leaned to kiss Eleanor, "Enjoy your time with Mistress Fraser."

Eleanor looked at him quizzically, but he gave her a small smile that could only meant she needed to mind her own business.

Fergus and John left, turning the door behind.

"It was fortuitous that you came when you did, Lord John," Fergus said.

"What is it?" John asked.

Fergus cleared his throat, "I do not know how to say...or what to say on this matter. It involves mi lady and as you know I am most fond of her. I do not wish to see her hurt."

"If it involves my wife," John turned to him, "Then you must make me aware of the situation."

"We never found his body, you know."

John paused, "Great God in heaven, you do not mean..."

"He is alive. Headed to Fraser's Ridge as we speak."

"Jamie is not there. He had to travel," John took care to even his breathing. "Where has he been all this time?"

"Apparently, he hit his head, lost his memories for a while. Met a fellow Scot and settled with him. Made his home in North Carolina not far from Cross Creek. He was working for a blacksmith when there was an explosion, bringing the memories back."

John looked at him, incredulously, "That is unfathomable."

"Then when he did remember, he saw in the papers that mi Lord was granted a parcel of land by the governor. It is what led him to Wilmington."

"Did he ask after Eleanor?"

"Yes, he did," Fergus said, "I didn't know what to say, so I said he must ask mi Lord. He said if he didn't find mi Lord, he would return home and that I should tell mi Lord where to find him. But the concern is- with mi Lord's obligation to Governor Tryon, Murtagh has mixed himself in with the regulators."

John's eyes widened, "This news gets more complicated with the telling, does it not?"

"Yes, indeed," Fergus said. "What do you wish to do?"

"I must take Eleanor to River Run on an errand for Jamie. Did he tell you about Mistress Fraser?"

Fergus nodded, "Yes, I know. And I know the truth about both mi ladies...where they have come from."

"Very good," John nodded.

Fergus turned towards John, "Marsali and i wish to leave Wilmington, to make our home at Fraser's Ridge. Perhaps, if we pass through Cross Creek, we can give a message to Murtagh for you in lieu of mi Lord's presence."

"Yes," John nodded, "I shall compose a letter to Mister Fitzgibbons and then allow Jamie to handle this sorrid mess when he returns. Lady John is my wife...by the law and by the church and that shall not change. However, I am happy for Jamie that his godfather did not meet his demise...even if this business with the regulators does make it more complicated."

"What will you tell mi lady?" Fergus asked.

"What I must," John said. "There is no avoiding it. I do not welcome that task. She will be happy for she was fond of Mr. Fitzgibbons and truly heartbroken at his death, but she will feel guilt, as she knows that I was far from Mr. Fitzgibbons' favorite person...and he certainly will not approve of her marriage."

Fergus lowered his voice, "There is the child to consider. If Murtagh does not claim Hope as his, will it cause Claire to question? Or if he claims Hope as his own, he could cause problems for mi lady?"

John looked at him sharply, "Do you know the truth of the matter?"

"Yes, Marsali and I were both on the ship. There was one night that Eleanor didn't return to her cabin and since Murtagh was with me, we figured who she was with, especially when mi Lord acted like himself the next morn. Mi lady always could bring mi Lord out of his despair."

"Lady John has a beautiful disposition," John said, "It is what I admire the most of her. Her intuitiveness and her kindness. But just that one instance, does not make the child a Fraser.

"That would be so, but," Fergus paused, "Forgive me for saying, Lord John, but it is rather obvious. The babes all except Sam, take after their father. And even Sam takes after mi Lord in other ways. Do they not?"

"Yes, they do," John looked heavenwards, "God help us all."

"My God," Eleanor sat down on the sofa, "I'm glad for it of course. He is a good man. And good for Jamie. Jamie needs his godfather. Oh, this will be so wonderful for him...and for Mac as well, for Murtagh is Mac's godfather. I think Mac is sometimes jealous of you and Sam's godfather/godson relationship."

John frowned, "I did not realize. I am his stepfather."

She paused, "Are you?"

John cleared his throat, "If you were truly only handfasted, we were legally wed, Ellie." He paused, and then sat down next to her, "But," he nudged her, and she turned towards him, "if that is not what you wish...if you wish to...resume your relationship," he paused, "I will figure out a way."

She reached for his hand, kissing it, "You, Lord John Grey, are a blessing to me...and you are my husband. Murtagh married me because he is a man of honor and because he was genuinely affectionate towards me. But he did not want me. He will not try to claim me."

"Are you certain of that?" John asked, quietly.

"I think so," She bit her lip and then added, "I adore Murtagh, but our relationship was not good for either of us. It was a battle of wills and him bending my will to that of Jamie's. I cannot do it again. I cannot be subject to Jamie and Claire's every whim."

"I know," John let out a long breath, "It complicates matters."

Eleanor shrugged, "Everything is always so complicated anyway."

John's voice was low, "Hope."

Eleanor closed her eyes tightly, "I do not know."

"I could convince him to still claim the child and let us raise her..."

Eleanor shook her head, swiftly, "No. If we were married, it would be one matter. But I do not wish him to be in that position or myself for that matter. If Hope cannot be a Fraser, then she is a Grey."

"But, Claire..."

"That is Jamie's business," Eleanor said, quietly. "If Murtagh tells Jamie that Hope is not his and that Jamie is her father, then Jamie can decide what he wishes to do with the information. And if Murtagh keeps quiet, then all the better. If he is mixed in with the Regulators, then he'll have enough problems on his own. We will hardly see him."

"But you are planning to spend time at Fraser's Ridge when Jamie returns, are you not?"

"I suppose I cannot escape it...for the children's sake," Eleanor bit her lip, "I wish James was here."

"I know," John said, quietly. "Would you tell him the truth if he was?"

"I think I would," Eleanor nodded."Every time I see him with Rosie, my heart breaks for Hope. Marsali said something to me today. She said that Hope deserves to be loved just as much as the others by her family...and its true."

"Then you should tell him regardless," John said, "If keeping this secret from Jamie is causing you distress...regardless of Mr. Fitzgibbons, you should tell him."

"Unless the circumstances force me too, when it comes down to it," She twisted her hands and then looked to him, "I just cannot tell him that I have lied to him...bold faced lied, John. I'm not brave enough to own up to my deception."

"You felt you had no other recourse but to..."

"I'm not sure that truly matters in the end," Eleanor said, quietly, "Thank you for telling me, John. I'm tired. We leave early for River Run. I will need my rest to face the coming days."

He nodded. "Goodnight, my dear. I will come to bed shortly."

Eleanor forced a smile and then left John alone. Going over to the desk, he pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill. And after a few minutes of reflection, he began to write...the quill scratching against the parchment as he did.

A/N: So this chapter was going to be River Run, but it took a bit of a detour. River Run up next...