A/N:I hope everyone is staying well...everything feels so surreal. Thank you to all who have offered feedback and encouragement to this story. Please let me know what you think...:)
Chapter 31:
Eleanor forced a smile at Lord John, who helped her down from the carriage. His hand still in hers, he held her gaze for a few moments, the children running circles around them.
Even though it was shorter by boat, Eleanor had shared her fear of their active children traveling by boat and that one would wiggle and topple over. John had acquiesced and changed their traveling plans accordingly. Rosie and Hope had nearly cried the entire way. Mac and Sam had taken turns either fighting with each other or complaining about the long journey. Even the steady Lord John's patience had been tried, which was saying much about the situation. He had finally stopped the carriage and taken both boys out for a walk and a discussion. Eleanor figured John had really laid into them because they had come back quieter and Eleanor had used that time to get Hope asleep, and give Rosie extra snuggles, and calming words.
The door opened and Jocasta Cameron came out, being helped down the stairs by Ulysses.
"Auntie," Mac ran up to her, Sam following at his heels, before John could grab him and proper introductions be made.
It was no matter because as soon as Jocasta heard Mac's voice, her face lit up into a smile as she welcomed the boy.
"Do ye remember yer Auntie even if it has been months, James MacKenzie?" Jocasta said, her hand on Mac's head, rubbing it gently.
"Of course, I do," Mac said, "we missed ye so much, Auntie."
"Oh my dear lad," Jocasta said, "I am so verra glad ye have returned to me."
"And me too?" Sam asked, hopping up and down on one foot.
"Of course, Samuel," Jocasta laughed. "And before ye ask, Rosie too." She patted Samuel's head as well. "But before we continue, ye must introduce me to this mother I have heard so much about."
"Mama, come here," Mac said, seriously, "Auntie wants to greet ye."
Jocasta laughed again as Eleanor approached her, curtseying, "Mistress Cameron, it is a pleasure," she said, sincerely. "Thank you for having us."
Jocasta put out her hand, "My dear, ye are family. Of course, ye can visit River Run whenever ye please and I do hope that will be often."
Eleanor took her hand and she squeezed it. "Thank you."
"I do hope ye will call me auntie as well," Jocasta said, clasping her other hand around their joined hands, "I dinnae ken all the particulars of everything, but I ken enough that ye will always be our family."
Eleanor visibly relaxed, "I cannot tell you how much that means to me, Auntie." She squeezed her hand and dropped it, "May I introduce to you my husband, Lord John Grey?"
"Mistress Cameron, a pleasure," John said, bowing.
"The pleasure is ours, Lord John," She said, curtseying.
Hope began to cry on cue and Rosie had a pout began to stomp her foot. Mac and Sam began to grow restless and poke and prod at each other, arguing as they did.
Eleanor took Hope from Susanna and she immediately buried her face in her neck. Rosie began to lift her hands to be picked up, whining and pouting as she did and Eleanor bent down to give her a word.
"I do apologize, Auntie," Eleanor said as John grabbed both boys and held them, stilling them with a quiet command, "It has been a trying journey...for all of us."
She exchanged a look with John who gave her a weary smile.
"Oh my dears," Jocasta said, "what a journey to make with the wee uns. Come in and let us get you settled. Mac and Sam can be taken fer a walk and then warm meal will do wonders. And Rosie and..." she paused. "I apologize I do not ken the bairn's name..."
"Hope," Eleanor said.
"A wee lassie then. That is gut, a lass needs a sister to grow up with just like I had my Ellen," Jocasta said. "the wee lasses can take a rest. We have plenty of ones who can look after the children so ye dinna have to fash aboot them while they are here. And if they are lively and strong of will, then I'd say all the better fer they are of MacKenzie blood, are they no?"
"Indeed," Eleanor laughed, "I'm glad you feel that way."
"Ye never have to apologize for the wee uns to me. Perhaps, ye would like a respite and later we can meet fer tea? Brianna is resting but I ken that she is eager to meet her wee brothers and sister. She will join us later. Does that sound agreeable?"
"That sounds perfect," Eleanor said.
Eleanor swallowed hard as John's hand squeezed hers. She had managed some rest but as she got dressed again, her anxiety was palatable. They walked down the staircase and once at the bottom John spoke.
"Eleanor," he titled his head and she stepped to the side, so they were not in view of the sitting room.
"Yes?" she asked.
"You must calm yourself," John murmured to her. "This tension will not serve you well."
"I'm sorry," she whispered, wringing her hands.
"Don't apologize," his voice was barely audible. "Tell me how I can help you navigate this."
"I don't know," she murmured.
"What are you worried about?" he pressed.
"What if she is cool towards the children because of me?" Eleanor breathed in.
"They will hardly notice," John countered, "for as much as their auntie dotes on them."
"I need to know that no matter what Hope will be cared for...that she will feel a part of something, a family."
"No matter what Hope will be cared for," John said, soothingly. "She is a part of our family, the one you and I are forming together. I will not let any one hurt Hope...or you for that matter. Now, put your chin up, Lady John."
She nodded and he leaned to kiss her cheek. He leaned in to whisper in her ear, "You do not need to feel shame, Eleanor, for Hope. She was borne out of love and she will be raised with love. I adore our daughter already, Ellie, along with the rest of our impish Fraser brood."
She swallowed again, but managed a chuckle. "I know."
He looked around and then kissed her gently on the lips. "Come now, darling."
She looked up into his eyes. "Do you find me likable?"
"Extremely so," John didn't hesitate. "I have liked you from the very beginning."
He led her into the entrance of the drawing room and Ulysses leaned down to whisper in Jocasta's ear, "Lord and Lady John are here."
Jocasta rose, "Welcome," she greeted them warmly. "Did ye have a gut rest?"
"Very much so," Eleanor said, "I did not realize how weary I truly was." Her eyes went to Brianna, who was standing up at their entrance. She looked so very much like Jamie. Her heart nearly froze.
"I'm verra glad," Jocasta said, "May I introduce to ye, my niece Brianna Fraser. Brianna, Lord and Lady John."
John's hand was tight in hers as she curtseyed and he bowed.
"Mistress Fraser," John said, "It is a pleasure to finely meet your acquaintance. Eleanor and myself are delighted."
Brianna curtseyed, "Lord and Lady John." Her head had the same Fraser tilt, just like her father and her siblings. At that moment, Eleanor saw through the facade, realizing Brianna was just as unsure, in this time and in this land as herself.
Eleanor glanced at Jocasta and then dropped John's hand to cross the room to Brianna. John knowingly went to go engage Jocasta in conversation, allowing Eleanor a moment of privacy with Brianna.
She reached out to lightly touch her arm, rubbing it softly, "Please call me Eleanor. Lady John is so formal. I'm so happy to meet you finally. Your mother and father talk of you constantly. It is good to finally put the face with the name."
Bree's expression softened. "Thank you. Of course, call me Bree."
"Bree," Eleanor smiled. "I didn't know if after tea you would like to meet the children. Jamie and Claire have told them of you and they are eager to meet you...but..." she paused, "I understand if you would not like to. I don't want you to feel obligated."
"Of course, I'd like to meet them," Bree said, "They are my family. Mama is fond of them as well."
"Your mother is so good with them," Eleanor said, honestly, "Sometimes I feel much better than myself."
Brianna now almost completely relaxed. "Da says they are..." she paused, "how did he put it?"
"Probably called them wee rascals, or wee bhobains" Eleanor said, "And they are that. But very sweet."
"Eleanor," John said, drawing her attention to him, "Mistress Cameron is having a supper party tonight. I would like to attend but she said that if you would like to beg off on this occasion seeing how you just arrived, she would not take it personally."
"That is so kind of you, Auntie," Eleanor said, "I confess I am concerned about the little ones are their first night here."
"Aye," Jocasta nodded, "Is Rosie still having the nightmares?"
Eleanor let out a sigh, "Yes, she is."
"Ah, poor lassie," Jocasta said, "What the wee uns went through, tis no wonder that the effects are long lasting."
Ulysses came in, "Tea is ready, Mistress."
"Thank you, Ulysses," Jocasta said, taking his arm. "This way if you please."
They took tea and retired again to the sitting room, when Susanna brought in the children.
"Auntie," Sam bounded up to her. "I wanna ride a horse!"
Eleanor and John exchanged glances as Eleanor went to take Hope from Susanna and hold out her hand for Rosie, who was now sucking her thumb.
John stood and went over to his godson, "You are being quite rude, Samuel," John said, "And we have told you before about the horses. When you are Mac's age..."
"But Da taught William when he was wee..." Sam whined. "So I wanna ride too!"
Eleanor couldn't hide her shock, "Who told you that?"
"William," Mac said, quietly.
Eleanor swallowed hard and looked at John who gave her a small shake of the head, entreating her to move on.
"Regardless," John's voice turned stern, "You have failed to noticed that there is someone you have not met in this room."
Brianna stood and then went over to the children, "Hello there."
Mac paused, "Ye look like us."
She gave a grin, "That is because I am your sister," she said, bending down to get on eye level with them, "And I'm glad to meet you. You must be Mac," she ruffled his hair and then reached to poke Sam, "And you must be Sam. I'm Brianna, but you can call me Bree if you want to."
"Mama said ye would be here," Mac said, "I'm verra glad to meet ye."
John put his hand on Mac's head, "Well done, Mac," he said, praising him and giving Sam a look.
"I dinnae like sisters verra much," he continued to whine, "all they do is cry and cry."
Brianna laughed and Jocasta snorted, "The lad is honest aboot it at least," she said.
Eleanor frowned at him, "That is really unkind, Samuel," she chided, but on cue, Rosie and Hope began to fuss.
"See! I told ye tis true," Samuel said as Brianna straightened and Jocasta laughed some more.
"It is verra gut to have the wee uns back, Ellie," she said. "They do keep the house lively."
"That is a very diplomatic way of putting it, Auntie," Eleanor said, wryly, as she shifted Hope on her other hip, and attempted to reach to pick Rosie up too, but Brianna went over to her.
"Hello," she said, her voice kind, "You must be Rosie. I always wanted a sister," she said, gripping her hand. "I heard we have the same name."
"That's right, you do," Eleanor said, as Rosie stopped crying, "You were both named after your grandmother, Auntie's sister."
Rosie pointed to herself, "Rosie Ellen."
Breanna leaned to kiss her sister's head, "I'm Brianna Ellen. I know we are going to be good friends," she said, kindly.
Rosie put out her hand for Brianna and Bree took it.
Eleanor smiled gratefully, still jiggling Hope. Brianna glanced at Hope, "What is her name?" she said, her voice trembling slightly.
Eleanor looked to John, who immediately picked up on Brianna's waver in her voice.
"This is Hope," John said, reaching for her and taking her from Eleanor's arms.
"Hope," Jocasta said, her voice smooth, "That is a verra unusual name, Ellie. Is there a story behind it?"
Eleanor glanced at Brianna and then looked at John, "I suppose I was deprived of hope for so long with what had happened that when she was born, it was like she was a gift to me...to remember that there is always hope if you reach for it."
"That is verra lovely," Jocasta said, "I'm certain it is fitting name for the wee un. Brianna, my dear, we should retire to prepare for supper?"
"Of course," Brianna smiled at her aunt and gently let go of Rosie's hand. "It was very nice to meet you all." She leaned down to the boys, "And we will have to do something to show you boys that sister can be just as fun." she leaned down, "Maybe not at River Run, but when we get back to the Ridge, we can go hunting or fishing."
Sam looked excited, "Yeah!" He then looked sheepish, "Yer kinda fun fer a girl."
Brianna giggled, her laughter filling the room.
"I feel like she knows," Eleanor said as she watched Tom help John with his clothes. The children were eating an early supper in the kitchens and Eleanor would put them to bed afterwards.
John glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, "I would not fret, my dear."
"But I do worry," Eleanor said, biting her thumb. "It's like the worst hid secret of the whole family."
John took the vest from Tom, "Go on. I can finish from here." He waited until Tom left the room. "In my mind, you have two alternatives. Either bring everything out into the open or continue to attempt to hide the truth. Regardless, it will not change my vow to you. I will care for Hope as my own."
She hopped off the bed and went to him, and began to button his vest for him, "You are the finest man of my acquaintance," she said, "And I do thank you, Lord John."
His eyes twinkled. "You are most welcome." He paused, studying her, "Your answer to Mistress Cameron's question was eloquent and heartfelt, Eleanor. Do you feel more hope these days?"
"Of course," Eleanor said, reaching her hand up to touch his face, "How can I not, with you by my side?"
John leaned down to kiss her and Eleanor twined her arms around his neck, returning his kiss.
"Hum," John pulled away. "You better go sit over there or I will be hopelessly late for supper."
She laughed and kissed him one more time before going and doing what he said. "Are you fine with me staying here?"
"Of course," John said, "Since Mistress Cameron mentioned it. Though I have to say that the purpose of supper might be two fold."
Eleanor frowned, "What does that mean?"
"She invited two of the most eligible bachelors in the county. She is trying to arrange a match for Brianna."
"Oh God," Eleanor rose again. "But Brianna is already married."
"She is handfast, dearest, which doesn't hold the weight in the colonies as it does in Scotland," John said, wryly. "Which is very well for us, otherwise I'd still be calling you Madam Fitzgibbons."
"True," Eleanor titled her head in contemplation, "Yet, it could mean something. They could very well follow it with a marriage, because they married for love, whereas Murtagh and I did not."
"And what if her husband never returns? Mistress Cameron is being exceedingly practical about the situation."
Eleanor bit her lip, "Did Jamie tell you everything?"
John glanced at her, "Apparently not." The clock struck. "I must go." He reached for his jacket. "Do not feel like you must wait up. Even with the rest this afternoon, you are looking weary."
She nodded, "I have to admit I am fighting a headache."
He frowned deeper, "Do you wish me to beg off supper and help you with the children?"
"Of course, not," Eleanor said, "You must go, especially if Auntie is trying to arrange a match for Bree. Do a bit of interference, John."
"Surely not," John said, "That would be distasteful. No, it is best to allow events to unfold as they will."
Eleanor sighed, "Now I do wish I was going to supper."
John gave her a look of reproach and then walked back over to where she was standing to give her another kiss, "Say goodnight to the little ones for me."
"I will." Eleanor smiled at him. "Have fun."
He winked at her before leaving her alone to join the others downstairs.
The lightning lit up the sky followed by booms of thunder. Eleanor sighed as she reached for her dressing gown, wrapping it tightly around her and reaching for a candle. She managed to light it and then go down the hall to check on the children. It was still early, yet she had managed to get them all in bed and asleep with relative ease- the children exhausted from the journey.
She could hear Rosie screaming from down the hall as she met Susanna in the hallway.
"I saw the storm comin in off the river," Susanna said. "Do you wish me to get Lord John?"
"No," Eleanor said, "he is probably still entertaining everyone with his social charms at supper," she said, smiling a bit but then jumped at another clap of thunder. "Good Lord, I hate storms."
Rosie's cries were joined by what was surely her sister and Eleanor went into the room. She handed the candle to Susanna. "Little girls, it is alright. It's just a little thunder. Come to Mama," she picked up Hope and then gathered Rosie close to her. The two girls were shivering in fear. Sam and Mac ran into the room.
"Are you two scared too?" Eleanor asked as they both clung to her legs- the girls in her arms. "Oh my."
"Mac," Eleanor said, her voice soothing, "Will you take Hope and carry her to my room while Susanna takes the candle? Sam, hold onto my hand while I carry Rosie. Okay, all of us will be just fine."
She led them back to the room and they all climbed into bed with her. Rosie was still crying, but Mac had his arm around Hope who had started to snuggle back into him, her head on his chest. Sam was clinging to her arm. The thunder shook the house.
Eleanor's heartbeat quickened as she nearly jumped with that next clap of thunder. She hated thunderstorms almost as much as the children.
"Mama," Mac said, "Ye dinnae like storms, do ye?"
"No, darling," Eleanor said, "I don't." She looked to Susanna, "Would you mind getting the children something to drink? Maybe that would help."
She nodded, "I think it might. Will you be well?"
She forced a smile for the sake of the children, "Of course, its just a little storm."
Susanna left the room, closing the door behind.
"What do ye do when ye are scarrit of the storm, mama?" Mac asked.
Eleanor gave a wide smile, "I sing a song."
"Jesus loves me?" Sam asked, huddling into Mac.
"No, a different one. One that I learned a very long time ago. Let's see if I can remember the words...Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens..."
She sung the entire song, Favorite Things, from The Sound of Music.
"Where did ye learn that song Mama?" Mac asked. "I'd never heard such a thing."
Eleanor laughed, "You wouldn't believe me if I told ye."
"Did ye learn it from yer time?" Mac asked.
Eleanor froze, "What do you mean, sweetheart?" she sputtered out, in shock.
"The evil lady...she said ye were a time traveler. Da said ye are not, but I heard ye and Da talkin at the Ridge."
"When you were supposed to be sleeping?" Eleanor's eyes were on him.
"Aye, but..." Mac jumped as another clap of thunder shook the house.
"We will talk about it later...with Da when he returns."
"Not with Lord John?"
"No, I think we need your Da for this conversation," She leaned over to kiss his head, "I'm not angry. I just want us to talk more. And do not mention what you think you know to anyone, okay, Mac? It's really important."
"Okay, Mama," he said, seriously.
"Now, then," Eleanor gathered Rosie and Hope closer, "Let's sing another song."
"I wish Da was here," Sam said, seriously.
"Da often calmed me down during storms," Eleanor admitted.
Eleanor nearly jumped from the storm that rattled the house. She pulled up the blanket to cover her head.
Jamie stirred and she could almost feel his amusement as his head dunked under the covers with her.
"What are ye doin, lass?" he whispered.
The thunder shook the house again and Eleanor winced. "Oh, nothing."
"Dinna seem like nothin," Jamie retorted. His nose was nearly touching hers.
"You were supposed to stay asleep."
"The thunder woke me up as weel," Jamie said, "it is a blunder of a storm." Jamie pulled the covers down. "Why are ye hiding under the blanket?"
"I don't really like storms all that much," Eleanor said.
"Ye dinnae say," Jamie said, dryly. "I canna tell..."
"is it that obvious?" Eleanor winced and jumped as the house shook again.
"Ach," Jamie snorted, "Weel, get yerself over here." He opened his arms and Eleanor went into them. She sighed as Jamie's arms came securely around her.
"You think me to be a fool," she said, softly.
"Nah," Jamie said, fiddling with her hair, "We all have our vices, Eleanor."
"I was just hoping we could be married a little longer before you figure out mine."
"I already have most of them figured out," Jamie said, dryly.
Eleanor pulled away to look at him, "Oh, you do, do you?" She could help but grin.
"Aye," Jamie said, "But before ye ask, I willna tell them to ye fer I'd never have any peace again with ye."
She giggled and then the shook slightly as the storm continued to rage. "Perhaps a distraction, Jamie?"
"What do ye have in mind?" Jamie asked, raising an eyebrow.
She titled her head, "If you are so good at knowing my vices, then you should be able to read my mind right now."
"I dinna say that," Jamie said, wryly, "I canna seem to follow how yer mind works, Eleanor."
"Good," Eleanor said, but was silenced when Jamie pounced on her. Eleanor giggled as she wiggled underneath him.
"I dinnae say I could read yer mind, but I ken my own mind," Jamie said, quieting her with a passionate kiss. "I can take yer mind off the storm if ye'd like."
Eleanor looked up into his eyes. Her only response was to lean up to kiss him again.
"How did Da make ye feel better?" Mac asked. "I dinnae think he sings to ye."
Eleanor blushed, her mind returning to the present. "No, darling, not anymore."
"I wish Da was here," Sam said. "I miss him."
Rosie stuck her thumb in her mouth, "Da," she whimpered.
"I know you all miss your Da," Eleanor said, softly. "He will be home before we know it."
"Do ye miss Da, Mama?" Mac asked.
"I do," Eleanor said, seriously, "I will always miss your Da." Her heart twisted again and she forced in her emotions, "Let's sing another song," she said quietly.
He came back much later, Eleanor stirring as he did.
"John," she sat up. "What time is it?"
"Late," he said.
She yawned, "I must have fallen asleep."
John looked over across the room, holding his candle, "I see we have visitors in our bed. Great God in heaven, is that all four of them?"
Eleanor looked sheepish. "The storm earlier scared them."
"Ah," John nodded. "It was frightful. How did you fare?"
She gave him a lopsided grin in the candlelight, "I didn't quite enjoy it either, truth be told."
John came to sit on the bed next to her. He leaned to kiss the top of her head, "I should have come to you."
"Susanna came and sat with me and the children," Eleanor confessed. "Where were you all night? Surely dinner did not last this long?"
John paused, "I was catching up with an old friend."
There is something about the way John said it that made Eleanor pause. "How close of a friend?" she whispered.
"Eleanor," John reached out to finger her face, "Let us get the children back in their own bed and we shall talk."
She nodded, "I have something to discuss with you as well." She looked to the bed, "Do we have to move them? They are all so peaceful."
John snorted, "Yes, my darling. Their little elbows are very pointy when protruding into one's ribs."
She giggled.
"Shh," he hushed, "You'll wake them up...and then there is no hope."
She swung her legs over to walk over to John. She put her arms around him. "You do care for me, do you not?"
He held her tightly against him, "Do you doubt it?
"No," she whispered, "I just want you to be happy, John."
He pulled away and raised his hand to cup her face, "I am happy, dearest Eleanor. Do not doubt that for a minute." He gave her a small smile as he put a finger to her lips, "Come, we must talk. But we above all else, we must not wake those children."
She smiled at him, "Okay."
He titled his head and she leaned into kiss him playfully, "I can speak the way I want when I am with you."
He matched her smile, "Yes, you can."
He pulled away from her and reached for Mac, while Eleanor grabbed Sam. After transferring them in their beds, they did the same for Rosie and Hope. When they were done, she sat back down on the bed to watch John undress.
"Do you wish to tell me first?" Eleanor said, "or should I talk?"
"Go on," John said, lying his jacket across the chair, "What is on your mind?"
Eleanor bit her lip, "I believe that Mac has put two and two together and realized that I am from another time."
John stilled and then heavily turned towards her, "What makes you say that?"
"Well," Eleanor rose to go over to him, hugging herself to stand in front of him, "I sung a song from my time and he asked where I learned it...and whether I learned it from my time."
John let out a long breath, "We have talked about discretion, Ellie."
"Do not scold me," Eleanor retorted, "The poor children were scared and truth be told, I was too. Houses get struck by lightening and burn down in this time. So...yeah, I don't like storms."
John's look turned tender, "You do not have to fear so, Eleanor."
"It's the way I spend my life."
"It shouldn't be."
She smiled at him, "I know."
"How do you wish to proceed with Mac?" John asked.
"I told him that when Jamie comes home, that the three of us will have a long chat about it," Eleanor said, "I just don't feel comfortable admitting anything to Mac about all of that, without consulting Jamie's opinion."
He nodded, "I agree. That is a decision you and he should make together. Did you urge him to keep his thoughts to himself?"
She nodded, "I did."
"Very good," he nodded and then went to guide her to sit on the bed. "Did you find it odd what Sam said about William?"
She sighed, "Why wouldn't he tell us that he recognized Jamie?"
"I am uncertain of that myself," John reflected, twining his hands, "My only thought is perhaps to protect you if he felt that you married beneath you without realizing the truth."
She raised an eyebrow, "Instead of you marrying beneath you with me..."
"I happen to feel that I married above me," John said.
She gave him a smile, "That is really sweet, John."
John leaned to kiss her head, "About tonight..." he reached for her hand, "I do not wish you to get angry."
She squeezed his hand, "So the friend...he was a former lover?"
John nodded, "But not a current one, though he might have wished to be."
"I see," she clasped his hand tighter, "Do you wish him to be?"
John reached to turn her face towards him, "No."
"Are you sure?" she whispered.
He nodded, "I will always hold fast the vow I made to you, Eleanor."
"Because of your honor?" Eleanor's voice was barely audible.
"No, my dear," John said, "because I desire to."
Eleanor's heart nearly melted. She raised his hand to kiss it. "Come, I'm exhausted. Will you not hold me as I fall asleep?"
"Of course, I will," John said. "Were you really that frightened during the storm?" He went around the bed.
"Entirely," Eleanor said, climbing in the bed and then scooting towards him, him wrapping his arms around her. They didn't say another word to each other, but soon John could hear the steadiness of her breathing as sleep overtook her. He gently untangled her from him and turned over to succumb to sleep himself.
"I need your help," Brianna said, walking with Lord John along the River.
"What can I do?"
"I cannot marry," Bree said, adamantly, "What can we do to prevent my aunt's meddling?"
"I couldn't presume to interfere," John said, his voice low.
"But she respects you...your station...if you intercede, then I know she will back off of her match making."
"Brianna," John's voice was patient, "I happen to agree with your aunt. You should marry. Given what you said of your condition last night, time is of the essence."
"But I cannot," Tears filled Brianna's eyes. "Lord John, if you refuse to help me...then I regret to say that I shall have to tell Eleanor what I saw last night."
John stilled and turned towards, "I don't know what you think you saw..."
"I am quite certain of what I saw," Bree said, adamantly.
"No, I am most certain you are not," John said, his voice low. "I happen to hold the vows I made to my wife with the upmost regard."
"Be that as it may...my supposed suitor...he was a former lover, wasn't he?" Brianna said, her eyebrows creasing, working out the situation. "Don't you think your wife would be interested in that?"
John titled his head and his jaw tightened, "I will ask you to leave my wife out of this."
"Does she know then?" she paused. "About your preferences? And she married you anyway?"
John remained silent, his jaw tight.
"Then, I will write letters...to the governor, to anybody..." Brianna said. "I must have your help."
John turned on his heels towards her, "Do you not know what the penalty is for such? I would be ruined...along with Eleanor and your brothers and sister. Would you do such a thing just because I said I would not interfere?"
Brianna stumbled over her words, "Of course not," she said, pausing, "Then, I'll tell my father," she blurted out.
"You are presuming your father does not already know as well," John said, evenly.
"Good God," Brianna stopped walking abruptly, "You're in love with Jamie."
"Great God in heaven," John looked heavenward, "you are quite presumptuous, are you not?"
"No," Bree insisted, "It all makes sense. You saw Jamie in the forest. Unusual...not to see your darling wife."
John let out a long breath, "Mistress Fraser, you do not know of what you speak."
"I do know," Brianna said, "and Eleanor knows too, doesn't she? About Jamie?"
John remained silent.
"You do not understand. I cannot marry another," Brianna insisted.
"I'm aware you feel that way, but your father put you under the care of your aunt and I cannot meddle," John said, slowly.
"Then, if you shall not help me, I shall tell Jamie about Hope."
John's eyes fixed on her, "What about Hope?" his voice was low, nearly a growl.
"It's so bloody obvious," Bree stated. "Hope looks like me as a baby. She is a Fraser. Clearly, Eleanor and Jamie had an affair, while he was still married to my mother."
"And then I'll shall tell your father about what a woman his daughter is," John retorted, "he will not look highly on you deliberately hurting the woman who has given up so much for him...the mother of his children or the fact that his daughter would use a baby as some pawn to get what she wants." He paused, "I think you are assuming that Jamie's love for Eleanor is in the past, but I can assure you...James Fraser will love Eleanor until the day he dies...and he is fiercely protective over her- the mother of his children."
"I'm his child too," Brianna retorted, wiping the tears with the back of her hand.
John's demeanor softened, "Yes, you are. But you are grown and the others...they are quite young...still dependent on Jamie...innocent to this world."
"I wish I was still innocent to this world," Brianna said, forlorn.
John's heart stirred towards her, "Mistress Fraser...Brianna, let us begin again. Come, we will discuss this further." He gently took her elbow and led her to a bench to sit. "Now, won't you tell me what full truth of the matter is...and perhaps I can assist after all?"
"Why would you do that? After the horrible things I just said?" Bree asked. "This is not who I am."
"Of course it is not," John said gently, "You are right about your father. He is one of my dearest, closest friends. I would do anything for the ones he loves. And he loves you. So, will you not tell me the truth? And you and I can work to figure out an amenable solution to your problems together..."
And Brianna launched into her whole story, from beginning to end, John lending a compassionate ear. When she was finished, he lightly touched her arm, "I am raising five children that are not my own."
"I know," Brianna said, softly, "But..."
"Did you not grow up that way as well?"
"Yes, but Daddy resented Mama for it," Brianna said, "And I couldn't bear for Roger to resent me or regret anything."
"I see," John nodded, seriously, "You do know that your brothers and sisters are quite a handful."
Brianna laughed, "Yes, I'm aware."
"And yet, I have never once regretted my decision to marry Eleanor. My love for her, as well as your father, it compels me to accept and love the children as if they were borne out of the love Eleanor and I share. And when Eleanor put Hope in my arms for the first time, I made a choice...that although she was not mine, that she would become mine. You must trust that Roger will be a man that you can foresee making that same choice, for if he does not, then he does not honor the love you share."
Brianna paused, "Do you love Eleanor? I rather thought it was a marriage of convenience...considering everything."
John nodded, "I have always admired Eleanor...from the moment we met, there was a connection betwix us." He looked far off into the river and then turned back towards her, "Truth be told, there are many different types of love, Brianna. The love I have for her, it has grown and developed into something that is new every day. She is a remarkable woman and above all, a good friend. I'd ask that you do not allow your preconceived notions of her affect your opinion of her. If you give her a chance, I think you'd find that you have an ally in Eleanor. You do have alot in common with her. And she has a lot of wisdom to offer you...about being a woman in this time and the choices that you are forced to make."
"Do you think Jamie told her about me?" Brianna asked, considering his words.
"I do not know," John said, "But your father does confide in Eleanor...because he also knows her tender, wise heart and that Eleanor's friendship is one that you would also benefit from. But I must tell you, that Eleanor is extremely sensitive. She believes that you will hate her."
"Because of Mama?" Brianna frowned.
"Yes," John said, simply. "she knows the Fraser disposition of being passionately loyal to their own. As if Jamie told her the particulars of what you told me...perhaps he did. And if he did, it was because Jamie felt guilty about your rift...and he knows that your mother will be torn between him and you. Eleanor's perspective is one Jamie needs at times as she does of him. We cannot erase the years they were married as one. Your mother and I have learned both to accept that."
"I see," Brianna frowned. "You do know I did not mean what I said, Lord John. I'd never tell."
John nodded, "We all say things we mean from time to time. I will help you, Brianna...but it will not be easy."
"Maybe I should just marry," Brianna said.
"Perhaps you should," John agreed, "but to a man that you could perhaps foresee you spending the rest of your life with. Eleanor rushed into marrying Mr. Fitzgibbons and it was not a good match for either of them. Perhaps you should talk to her and see what she would advise..."
She nodded, "Perhaps Ellie hates me."
"Ah, no, I do not think so," John gave her a smile, "Eleanor hates no one...only occasionally the British when her ire is up and we discuss politics."
Brianna laughed, "She is American."
"Indeed she is," John said, "Whatever that means. Perhaps you can enlighten me further with that..."
"I'd be happy to," Bree said, with a smile. She met his eyes, "Thank you, Lord John."
Lord John smiled back, "You are welcome, Mistress Fraser."
Eleanor stopped in her tracks, Hope in her arms, Rosie's hand in hers. "Murtagh," Eleanor's face grew pale. She could feel all eyes on her- Bree's, John's. Jocasta was clearly listening to the tone of her voice.
"Murtagh!" Mac pushed past her.
"Mac, my lad!" Murtagh opened his arms for his godson and Mac ran into them. Murtagh swung him around. "How I have missed ye impish wee un!"
Sam held back, but Murtagh gave him a wide grin and Sam's face lit up. "Da told us stories!"
"I'm sure he did!" Murtagh said, "considering ye all thought I was swimming with the fishies."
Hope began to squirm to get down and Eleanor looked to John, the color returning to her face, but now in a deep red flush.
Hope began to crawl over to John. She held up her arms, "Papa!"
And for the first time since entering this time, Eleanor did what any proper lady would do when faced with such a situation...she swooned.
John sideswept Hope just in time to reach Eleanor, who collapsed in his arms.
"What has happened?" Jocasta asked.
"Mama fell," Mac whispered.
Murtagh frowned as he patted his head, putting him down. "I should have spoken to the lass privately."
"I do not think that is wise," John retorted.
"Here," Bree moved a pillow and helped John lay Eleanor on the couch.
"Do ye no?" Murtagh's look darkened. "Do ye not think that I have a right to?"
"Not anymore," John said, "as she is my wife."
"She was mine before yours," Murtagh drawled. "What if I choose to claim her as mine?"
"I do not think so, because handfasting is only legal in Scotland," John countered. "She is my wife, by law and the church. And she will remain as such until I have no breath in my being."
"That can be arranged," Murtagh muttered, but stopped at his godson's distressed look.
"Auntie, is Mama still marrit to Murtagh?" Mac tugged at Jocasta's hand, trying to follow the conversation.
"Hush, laddie," Jo said, squeezing his hand. "Now that is enough, ye are confusin the children."
She took command of the situation, "Ulysses, will ye no get help for the wee uns? And some wine fer Lady John when she awakens?"
Bree had taken a wet cloth and put it on Eleanor's forehead. She rose from her knees, "I can take them to Susanna and stay with them for a while."
"That would be very kind of you, Mistress Fraser," John said, his hand in Eleanor's. He studied her, clearly concerned.
Bree went over to pick up Hope, who was crawling around the floor. She held out her hand for Rosie , "Come, Rosie, let's play dollies with Hope. Boys, we can find Susanna and you can go for a walk."
"Can we pick sticks and play sword fights?" Sam asked.
Bree giggled, "Of course you can. That sounds like fun!" She ushered the children out of the room.
"Eleanor," John put a hand to her forehead. She came to a minute later.
"Did I faint?" Eleanor asked, attempting to sit up.
"Yes, but no, do not attempt to rise," John pushed her back down, "You must take a moment to rest."
Eleanor looked across to where Murtagh was standing, his brow creased.
"Where are the children?"
"Brianna has them," John said, calmly, "They are well."
"Where is Hope?" Eleanor asked, looking around for her.
"Brianna has Hope as well," John's voice was low.
"I need Hope," Eleanor sat up and this time, John let her. He gently shifted her legs so he could sit next to her. "Hope is well with Brianna, Eleanor."
"Brianna willna let any harm come to the lass," Jocasta said, "Ye mustn't fret so much over the wee uns. Perhaps, Murtagh, we can let Eleanor and Lord John have a few moments together. Ye and her surely have much to discuss, but when Eleanor is stronger..."
"Aye," Murtagh took Jocasta's hand, "Ye and I will discuss this later, Ellie."
John looked stormy, but Eleanor quickly rested her hand on his arm, "Of course."
Murtagh left the room with Jocasta and when they were out of ear sight, Jo asked, "Why is Eleanor so skittish about wee Hope, Murtagh?"
Murtagh didn't say anything and their backs were turned, no seeing Brianna come down the stairs with Hope in her arms, looking for Rosie's doll.
Jo pressed, "She is a Fraser, is she no?"
"Aye," Murtagh let out his breath, "But it is no what ye think. I forced her to Jamie...we thought Claire had drowned, ye ken and Jamie was inconsolable."
"And ye sent yer wife in to console him?"
"Twas the only way, ye ken."
"And now there is a bairn," Jocasta frowned, "What will ye do? When my nephew comes and he sees ye with the child, and ye dinnae claim it?"
"I suppose that is why the lass and I need to talk," Murtagh said, seriously.
"Aye, I'd say so," Jocasta retorted, dryly.
Another storm shook the house and this time, Rosie was unable to be consoled, burying her head and shaking against Eleanor, screaming for Jamie.
John went over to pick Hope up who was whimpering from Rosie's cries and the violence of the storm. "What can you do to calm her?" he asked.
Eleanor bit her lip, "I don't know. A few nights ago, I was able to comfort her. She must have been woken up from a deeper sleep...or maybe she was having a nightmare when the storm hit." She felt so helpless with Rose at the moment.
Soon, Jocasta entered the room followed by Murtagh and Bree, all woken up by the storm, which was truly frightful.
"I'm so sorry," Eleanor apologized, "Did she wake you?"
"No," Jocasta said, "the storm did. It's a fearsome one. Is that Rosie?"
"Aye," Murtagh answered, frowning as Sam pushed past him.
Sam ran to John, who opened up his other arm for godson. He buried his head in his shoulder and John leaned down to murmur words of comfort.
"Who is she crying for?" Bree asked, frowning, the candle in her hand.
"Da," Mac said, coming behind her, "She always hollers for Da when she is scarrit."
"Aye," Murtagh said, his hand on his godson's head. "The wee un was always fond of her Da even when a wee newborn bairn."
Rosie's head turned towards Murtagh, her cries quieting a bit.
Murtagh titled his head, considering. He began to speak Gaelic to Rosie from across the room, the child's cries softened still.
"Ah," Jo said, smiling. "Of course."
Murtagh went over to kneel beside where Eleanor was sitting, rocking Rosie. He reached for Rose's hand, kissing it softly as he continued to soothe her in Gaelic. He opened his arms, and Rosie went into them.
Eleanor swallowed down the lump in her throat, "Thank you, Murtagh."
"Of course, mo buidheig," Murtagh said.
She rose, "Hope left her doll in my room. I'm going to go get it for her."
"She seems content, Eleanor," John said.
"No, I think she needs it," Eleanor insisted. "Excuse me, Auntie."
"Of course," Jo said, her arm still around Mac, who was burying his head in her waist.
Eleanor made it down the hall, not even bothering to have a candle before falling to pieces, her head buried in the wall.
"Ellie?" Bree came up with a candle. "I thought you would need a light."
Eleanor tried to squelch her sobs. "Yes, that is thoughtful of you."
Bree reached out to touch Eleanor's arm, "You miss him, don't you?" She paused, "My father."
Eleanor wiped her tears, "Please do not think badly of me for it."
"Of course not," Bree said, her voice low. "This must be so difficult for you."
"There are moments still when I can't bear to do this without him, even with the most patient, kind man by my side." She sniffed hard as she looked at Brianna who was standing close to her, "What kind of mother can't even comfort her child? Sometimes I think I should have just left them with your Da and mother at Fraser's Ridge."
"Why?" Bree frowned.
"Because Jamie is the best father there is," Eleanor said, "And I cannot say that about myself as a mother. The children adore your mother. They would have been so happy at the Ridge."
"Yet, they still need their mother," Bree said. She twisted her hair, "When i was sick or afraid, I would want Daddy over Mama. It would drive Mama mad."
"Really?" Eleanor looked across the candlelight, "Your mother is like so perfect."
Brianna laughed, "I love her to pieces, but she isn't perfect, Eleanor."
Eleanor swallowed down her tears, "I didn't want to love him, Brianna. But your father is impossible not to love," she let out her breath, "I never asked for any of this. Please don't make me the villain in all of this."
"Did Lord John tell you..." Bree's voice trailed off.
"Yes, but I don't blame you," Eleanor said, "This is all so complicated. And I can't imagine what you have been through as well. You must feel so much despair and desperate for something. I have been there before."
"But I chose to come," Bree said, quietly, "You did not."
"No," Eleanor let out her breath, "And this time...this world...we don't have many choices, Bree. I have been forced into three marriages. I do not wish it for you. If you are asked, you can refuse. I know John scared away one of your suitors, but there will be more."
"Perhaps, my aunt is right. Perhaps, I will have to marry," Bree said. "Just like you had to marry."
Eleanor wiped her tears and then reached out a hand to touch Bree's arm, rubbing it. "No," she shook her head swiftly, "You should wait for Roger."
"But my child..."
"Do you not think that your child will be loved by a whole slew of people?" Eleanor said.
"But you married Lord John," Brianna countered.
"I married Lord John because I care deeply for him," Eleanor said, her voice soft. "When I was stranded in Jamaica awaiting Hope's birth, he became my best friend. He began the process of healing my heart. It is different between him and I. Wait for Roger. Losing the man that you love and finding out that it could have been different...well, you will regret it if you do not at least give it a chance."
"Do you regret..." Bree paused. "giving up Jamie?"
Eleanor let out a breath, "Would you hate me if I said I did?"
She shook her head, "No."
"I'm glad for it," Eleanor forced a smile, "I am content with Lord John, but there are times...like tonight, when the children need their father, when I need their father, that my heart breaks all over again."
Bree paused, "Hope...Mama never said anything. I do not think she suspects. I do not know how."
Eleanor shrugged, "Sometimes we refuse to see what is right in front of us because the possibility is too painful." She swallowed hard, "Your father did not have an affair with me. If anything, it was me having the affair."
"I know," Bree's voice was soft, "I overheard Murtagh talking to Auntie. Murtagh said he forced you into it."
"Oh God," Eleanor's heart nearly stopped, "Does Auntie know about Hope?"
"I think she suspected it from the beginning," Bree said.
"I would not be surprised," Eleanor said, dryly.
"You should tell Da about Hope," Brianna said.
"I think it would only serve to hurt your mother," Eleanor said. "And I do not want to do that."
"But Hope deserves to know her father and to have a place in our family," Bree said. "I grew up not knowing my real father. And as much as I love Frank Randall, knowing I had been lied to my entire life...don't do that to Hope."
Eleanor let out her breath, "Thank you for not hating me, Brianna."
"Were you scared of that?" Bree asked.
"Of course," Eleanor said, "I would not know how I would feel if I were you."
"I think traveling through time has changed me," Bree said. "I can understand how you must have felt. And when Mama came back."
Eleanor shook her head, wearily, "I handled everything so poorly. I still am. I have been avoiding Murtagh."
"Lord John and him have had words," Brianna said.
"I'm sure they have," Eleanor said. "They do not like each other. I know I must face all of this...but it is days like these, when I am unsure and so defeated, that I need your father to come and help me fix my messes."
"You know Da and I left on bad terms," Brianna said, "I've just been so angry with him over Roger."
"I know," Eleanor said softly, "But if that man had been Bonnet and Jamie had done the same thing, would you have been angry?"
Brianna looked shocked, "Nooooo," she said slowly, "I would have been relieved."
"Jamie will have justice on your behalf," Eleanor said, softly, "It is what men in this time do. He made a mistake, but his heart...Jamie's heart is always in the right place. He is the most honorable, kind man I know...save for Lord John."
"Are you happy with Lord John?" Brianna asked.
Eleanor nodded, "I am. He and I are kindred spirits. Your father and I were never such. We butted heads so much, but still..."
"You love him."
Eleanor let out her breath, "Yes...so all this to say is...if you can wait, then wait for Roger. I can figure out talking to Auntie about it."
Brianna rubbed her arm, "Thank you, Eleanor."
"You're welcome," Ellie said. "I heard Jamie left you a letter. You should read it."
"I will," Bree said.
"Good," Eleanor nodded.
"And you should talk to Murtagh," Bree said, "I do not think he wishes to hurt you."
"I know, but you see, I am not very brave," Eleanor said, wiping her tears.
"I think you are incredibly brave," Bree said, honestly. "I know I should ask...but I'm not sure if Mama will be back in time for the baby...and I don't want to be alone."
"Of course, I will stay with you," Eleanor said. "I was alone in Jamaica with Hope, even though John was there...and I would never want the same for you."
Brianna let out her breath, "I can do this."
"Of course you can," Eleanor said, confidently, "You are a Fraser. Come, we will talk more later. Our absence will become conspicuous."
Eleanor went to retrieve Hope's doll before she and Brianna joined the others.
And even as she looked over the children's heads to meet John's eyes, she found comfort, solace and understanding in them. And she knew that when the morn broke, she must face Murtagh and all that had happened...and make a decision about Hope...once and for all.