A/N: Thank you all who reviewed the last chapter and the story. I love hearing your thoughts! :) Writing has been a bit of a mental escape from the anxiety of life as we know it right now. I hope everyone is staying well in these crazy times- we are well & hunkered down here with schools closed for the rest of the year! Hope you enjoy this chapter- let me know what you think when you get a chance!
Chapter 32:
Eleanor sat on the stone bench and looked out at the river, fiddling with the ribbon of her navy blue cape. She was lost in her thoughts as she stared at the majestic river in front of her. Her hair was down, her not bothering to put it up as it was just after sunrise. She had snuck out, leaving John sleeping, but gave Susanna a quiet word to keep an eye on the children. The ground was still wet from the storm the night before and she tried to fight the urge to muddy her shoes, who were already quite squishy.
"May I sit with ye?" Murtagh asked as he approached her.
"Of course you may," Eleanor said, scooting over to make room for him. "You are up early."
"Aye, tis a habit of auld," Murtagh said as he sat down next to her.
"I remember," Ellie said, her voice soft, "You and Jamie both were always so spry in the morning...annoyingly so actually."
"Ah, I ken yer preferences fer sleep weel. What are ye doin up then- ye canna sleep after the storm?" Murtagh asked.
"Not really," Eleanor said, this time fiddling with her hair, gathering it up over her shoulder and twisting the ends between her two hands.
"Ye have been avoiding me," Murtagh said, bluntly.
She let out a long breath, "True. I have."
"Ye admit to it, then?"
"Of course I do, Murtagh, I am not in the habit of lying to you," Eleanor said, turning to look at him, "I'm glad you are alive, by the way. Really glad."
"At least that's somethin," Murtagh said, wryly.
"Jamie still needs his godfather," Eleanor untied and retied her cape ribbon, "And Mac. He's missed you actually." She untied and tied her ribbon again, not liking the bow she had made.
"Good Lord," Murtagh scowled at her, "Stop yer fidgeting, lassie, I'm not angry with ye."
"Really?" she asked, swallowing hard, her hand stilling.
"Aye, really," Murtagh said, adamantly.
She buried her head in her hands, "I'm sorry. You must think I am the most awful person."
"Ach," Murtagh scooted closer to her and put an arm around her, "Ye did what needed to be done- fer ye and the bairns. But did it have to be him?"
"He is so good to me, Murtagh," Eleanor said, raising her head again, "He's kind and understanding and he loves the children..."
"I dinnae think they are the only un he loves, mo buidheig, he is clearly loyal to ye and verra protective of ye," Murtagh retorted. "But the English?"
"I know," Eleanor said, "I don't like that part either, because war is coming...and...I'm American."
"Aye, but ye willna change his loyalties, Ellie, not a man like Lord John," he said, bluntly. "If ye are thinking ye can, ye are mistaken."
"It's Jamie's loyalities right now too, Murtagh, he is so mixed in with Tryon..." she said, "he didn't even tell me about the deal he made. I found out through Tryon. He is going to have to fight the regulators if it comes down to it."
Murtagh looked disturbed, "I dinnae ken. Do ye ken Tryon?"
"John does," Eleanor said, quietly, "We have stayed at his palace a few times traveling to see Jamie."
"Ellie," Murtagh grunted, "Do ye understand that he built that palace on the backs of the people?"
Eleanor bit her lip, "Yes. And I told him that I did not think the regulators were wrong for speaking out against it."
"My bold, canny lassie," Murtagh gave a low chuckle, "Ye have always been one to speak yer mind."
"Lord John wasn't too happy with me for doing so in the middle of supper," Eleanor admitted, grinning at him.
"I wouldna believe he would be," Murtagh said, "Tell me about the lad."
Eleanor grew quiet for a few moments, gathering her thoughts. "He wanted the land...I think perhaps...perhaps it was to make his legacy for our children...he never said, he didn't talk to me about it, I'm just surmising," Eleanor's eyes teared up. "But one thing I know for certain- he cannot be on the wrong side of history...as are you, with the regulators. They will not win whatever squirmish comes. And the British will not win the major war that will be here before we know it.."
"Jamie and I were on the wrong side of history with Culloden...we ken what was to come and yet still we fought the British," Murtagh reminded her.
"I know that," Eleanor said softly. "but the thought of Jamie lying on that battlefield..." she shuddered.
"Then ye love him still?" Murtagh asked, quietly.
She nodded. "I can't seem to stop, Murtagh."
"Of course, ye canna," Murtagh said, matter of factually, "What ye and he shared was rare. And Lord John? What aboot him?"
Eleanor turned him and chewed on her lip, contemplatively. "I do not know how to answer that."
"Aye, I think ye do," Murtagh prompted. "Do ye love him, Ellie?"
"I do love him, but it's a different kind of love than what I have with Jamie. But it is very meaningful...and very strong. He gives me so much courage and strength to face whatever comes at us next. I am a better person for being married to him."
Murtagh nodded, "Then I am glad fer ye, lassie. But Lord John?" Murtagh shook his head, wearily. "I wouldna have thought."
"Me either," Eleanor said, "but he is so steady with me and kind. He pushes me to be better. And the children...he is so patient. Much more so than I am. And the way he has accepted Hope..." her voice trailed off.
"Hope..." Murtagh put his hand on her knee, "Why dinnae ye tell Jamie especially since the bairn looks so much like her brothers and sisters?"
Eleanor swallowed hard, "I'm ashamed of it, I suppose."
"Ach, mo beidheig," he squeezed her knee, "I'm verra sorry fer it all. I should have never pushed ye to his side."
"Will you tell Jamie?" Eleanor asked, quietly.
"Do ye wish me to?" Murtagh asked.
Eleanor put her lip, "Honestly, I don't know. It's been such a struggle to know what is right in that regards."
"I dinnae ken how we can prevent it," Murtagh said, "If ye were my wife, I'd gladly claim the lassie, but now..."
"Will you just give me so more time?" Eleanor said, "I just...the thought..."
"What are you scarrit of?" Murtagh asked, frowning. "Jamie would never shun a child of his own blood, lass."
"Even to save his marriage to Claire?" Eleanor asked, frankly, her brow creased in worry.
"Ah," Murtagh gripped her hand, "Even then. Dina fash, lass. He will be glad fer it. She is a bonny lass. The lad loves bein a father."
"I know," She nodded, "But...perhaps the timing is not the best at the moment...with everything..."
"When ye are ready to tell him," Murtagh looked at her, understandingly, "And in the meantime, I can avoid the topic with him. I dinnae think he will be too eager to admit that he lay with ye when ye were my wife."
Eleanor let out her breath, "Thank you, Murtagh. Truly."
He nodded, "Jamies loves ye too lassie. He kens how difficult this is fer ye. But I dinna think he would ever want ye to feel shame fer what happened that day."
"I know," she nodded, "I just lied to him...over and over again. He asked and I lied."
"Ye did so to protect ye and Hope," Murtagh said, "But ye dinnae have to. Jamie made a choice that night as he's made the choice not to tell Claire. Tis not only yer burden to bear. Ye have to allow Jamie to be the man he is- whatever that might lead yer family."
"I know," She swallowed hard, "Ijust don't want him to resent me for lying to him."
"I dinnae think that possible," Murtagh said. "If ye wish me to just tell him, I will fer ye."
Eleanor bit her lip, "Not now."
"Then when ye are ready to," Murtagh said, "We can tell him together if ye like."
She gave him a small, weary smile, "That's very generous of you, Murtagh."
"Nah," Murtagh shook his head, "Tis nothing. Do ye feel better?"
"Yes," she said, letting out her breath, "A bit."
"Very gut. Now tell me more aboot this meeting with Tryon," he drawled. "And what ye learned about Jamie's involvement."
"Very well," she said, softly, "I will tell you what I learned. But you cannot tell Lord John that I told you."
"Of course not," Murtagh snorted. "I am no a fool, lassie."
"I never thought you were," she squeezed his hand. "I just wish that you would take care. Tryon is out for blood when it comes to the regulators."
"Aye, I ken," Murtagh said, "But I canna help my distain for English authority."
"You wouldn't be a proper Scot if you didn't distain the English to some degree," Eleanor said, wryly. "Let's see," she stretched out her legs and than began to relate what she remembered of her conversation with Tryon.
"I cannot allow it," John said. "What good would it do, Brianna?"
"I just need to see him," Brianna said, her hand on her stomach, "For myself, not for him." She pulled out the letter that Jamie had written it and handed it to John.
John read it carefully and then handed it back to Bree, who handed it to Eleanor. Eleanor read it through, tears springing to her eyes to see how Jamie lovingly addressed his daughter- from a place of love, but she also knew deep pain and regret...and desire for justice.
Eleanor put her hand on the railing of the porch, looking out at the grounds, while John and Brianna debated her desire to see Bonnet before his execution.
Finally Eleanor turned her head, "If it was me, Lord John, I would want it as well."
He stared into her eyes for a few moments before nodding, "Very well then. I do not know how I shall make this happen, but I shall."
"You're Lord John, you always find a way," Eleanor said, wryly.
"Did you know that Mr. Fitzgibbons had been arrested?" John demanded, once they were all in the carriage.
"How the hell was I supposed to know that?" Eleanor shot back. "Fergus was supposed to be at Fraser's Ridge, not breaking out Murtagh from jail."
Brianna looked between the two of them, sensing that fireworks were about the spark between the two of them.
"You insisting Brianna come was not some conspiracy to release Mr. Fitzgibbons from prison?" John pressed, "Do not lie to me."
"I never lie to you, Lord John," Eleanor's voice rose. "I had no idea. But if I did, then I certainty would have helped. For God's sake, he is Mac's godfather."
"And your former husband," John countered.
"That is quite a mute point," Eleanor argued.
"He has rebelled against the crown, by all rights, he should have remained in jail."
"And Tryon is being a bully and a baby, so I don't care," Eleanor retorted. She paused, "Thank you for not stopping them."
"I rather did not think I had a choice," John replied, his voice low, "after all, as you said, he is Mac's godfather."
She paused, "We are making a scene in front of Bree."
"Indeed," John frowned, "I do apologize, Mistress Fraser."
Brianna waved them off, "Do you think Bonnet is dead?"
"I do not see how he could have survived," John said.
"At least there's that," Bree said, softly, her hand on her belly. Eleanor looked at her for a few moments and then reached to slide her hand into John's. John gripped her fingers tightly.
Eleanor closed the door behind her, the basin of water in her hands. John was at the end of the hallway, pacing. The children were asleep, Brianna laboring in the night. She handed the basin to Susanna, who nodded at her.
Eleanor met John's eyes. She approached him, "She is still laboring. First baby takes longer."
John nodded and opened up his arms to pull her into them. "Are you well?"
Eleanor snuggled into him as he gripped her tighter against him, "I'm having flashbacks of Hope's birth," she admitted.
"I have to admit, the night has not been far from my own thoughts on this night," John murmured, sighing.
"I would feel much better if Jamie and Claire were here for Bree. I feel like i'm a shoddy substitute."
"I don't believe that," John said, drawing her away from him so he could look into her eyes. "You are very strong and very brave. She will draw strength from you...and your experiences, Ellie."
"That night was so terrifying, John."
"For me as well," John said, flicking her cheek with his finger, "But not every birth is like Hope's."
"Or like Mac's in the middle of a storm," Eleanor said.
"Ah, yes, that was a delightful missive to read from Jamie," John said, chuckling. "What a tale."
"I don't think he knew whether his happiness at becoming a father again should outweigh his annoyance at me putting us in the situation to begin with."
"Only you, Lady John, could get yourself into such a situation," John teased her. "What ever came of it?"
Eleanor grinned, "Nothing actually," she said. "Until I tried such a thing again."
John swatted at her, playfully, "Lady John, you did not. Jamie did not tell me."
"The schoolmaster's mother got sick and he had to return home. Jamie was in Edinburgh for business, so I took back over, Mac in my arms while I taught."
"And when Jamie returned?" John raised an eyebrow, amused.
"We had a fight like we never had before. He was so angry at me. I told him that technically speaking he didn't forbid it before and since he had chosen not to settle the matter between us, I thought that I was free to do as I pleased."
John was now bent over, laughing. "Great God in heaven, Eleanor Fraser Grey. I adore you."
"That's only because you are rarely on the receiving end of it," Eleanor said, wryly. "He didn't like that too much."
"I'd imagine not," John said, still laughing, "I can see his face now. What did he do?"
"Well," Eleanor leaned against the wall, "He took Mac and gave him to Jenny and then litearlly picked me up, carried me over his shoulder and took me to a secluded spot in the fields...and...well..." She shrugged. "Jamie always seemed to get the upperhand one way or another. "
"But I'd venture to say, your spirit, determination and convictions are some of the things Jamie admires the most about you," John countered. "Even if it drove him to insanity wilst married to you."
"Perhaps so," Eleanor gave him a smile, laughing herself. She went over to where John was leaning against the opposite wall. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, "Thank you. It's good to be able to remember those times and not feel like my heart is breaking. And that's because of you, John."
He rubbed her cheek with his thumb, "I'm so very glad to hear you say that, Eleanor."
"Will you check on the children for me?"
"Of course," John said. "Hope is still not asleep. Susanna still has her, but I was going to take her for a while."
She nodded, "I think she is getting more teeth."
John rolled his eyes, "Those blasted teeth. I'll go see to Hope now."
She smiled at him, "Thank you, Lord John."
He leaned down to kiss her, "You are most welcome. Keep me apprised."
"Of course, I will," Eleanor nodded and after he gave her one more kiss, he left. Eleanor's mind wandered...
"You never said that I couldn't," Eleanor's fist were balled. "And since you never said anything since that day, I didn't feel like I needed to roll over for you, Jamie. If you were all that bothered by it, then you would have addressed it ages ago."
"Oh, I was bothered by it which ye verra weel ken."
"Do I?" Eleanor asked, Mac on her hip. "Listen, it's your fault that you didn't strictly forbid it."
"I dinnae think I had to," Jamie growled, his fist balled, "And even if I did, would it change the matter?"
"No," Eleanor said, matter of factually. "I do what I want James. I am an adult, just like you are."
Jamie reached for the bairn. "Give me my son."
"What are you doing?" Eleanor frowned. Jamie crossed the hallway to the kitchen where Jenny was. "Can ye watch the wee laddie for me? Eleanor and I need some privacy."
"Aye," Jenny said, eyes moving between her irate brother and her irked sister in law.
"Do I have a choice in this?" Eleanor asked, pushing at Jamie's arm. He turned, slowly and deliberately. His eyes locked with her and before she could anticipate his next move, in one swoop, he picked her up and thrust her over his shoulder.
"James Alexander Malcom Mackenzie Fraser, good Lord, you are going to drop me!" Eleanor squealed.
"Nah," Jamie adjusted her and then smacked her arse. "Yer as light as a kitten, my love. Now I suggest ye stop talking because yer just digging yerself in." He swatted her again harder, "Stop yer wiggling woman, or I might drop ye, even if I dinnae mean to."
She grunted, but knew that her efforts to fight him were futile.
He took her well into the fields and carefully laid her on her back. "Now I ken ye dinnae think my authority extends to ye, and in all yer vast wisdom to ken how these times work, ye feel like ye no need my guidance..."
She grunted, "Guidance, not commands..."
Jamie ignored her, but wrestled with her, to keep her pinned underneath him, "and I ken that ye have some desire to challenge me, I think just fer the hell of it, and before ye go on, tis clear challenge, surely, albeit maybe recklessly given. But tis un that I can surely meet."
"Don't you dare!" Eleanor struggled against him, kneeing him in the gut.
Jamie twisted her up into his arms to pin her arms and legs as if he would restrain a young child. "Fer ye to properly discuss this with me with ye determined to provoke my ire with yer own, I must break yer mood and speakin from experience, mo ghraidh, me wee besom, this is an excellent way." He flopped her back onto the grass and practically put his full weight on her. "I am stronger than ye."
"For Christ's sake, I know that!" Eleanor retorted as Jamie eased his weight and then leaned kissed her roughly.
"No, I'm not going to do this with you," Eleanor retorted as he silenced her with another kiss, his tongue slipping into her mouth. She ripped her mouth away, "I feel nothing when you do that. Nothing!"
"Do ye no?" Jamie asked, reaching his hand into her skirts. "I dinnae believe ye. Ye are going to be makin yer wee squeaking sounds before we ken it. And after we have both gotten out our passion, then we can discuss this reasonably."
"You are incapable of being reasonable," She smacked at his arm hard, trying to wiggle away from him. " And I do NOT make squeaking sounds."
"Ah, verra weel," Jamie bit her ear, his other arm trapping her, pulling her back. "Tis more of a moan at times. Ye are verra expressive when ye arena so inhibited by yer own wee ramblings in that heid of yers. Ah, tell me ye wish me to stop and I will."
Eleanor pushed at him again, "God, you are so solid." She pushed hard and this time, Jamie gave in and allowed her to topple him. She landed on a heap on top of him, not expecting him to not fight her push this time.
"Verra graceful, my love," Jamie snorted, "What are ye goin to do now?"
She grunted and then he rolled her back over, them wrestling and rolling with each other. He pinned her again and then kissed her, "Give into me, Eleanor," he commanded, his voice fierce.
Her nails dug into his back and finally she felt herself succumbing to his advances.
When it was done, Jamie pulled her so she was sitting against him, him leaning against a tree. He began to pick out foliage from her hair. "Ye have wee pieces of twigs and grass all in that glorious mane of yers," Jamie said, kissing her cheek, nuzzling his face against hers, "Yer a mess."
Eleanor reached for the mess in his hair, "I'm not sure you are much better. And you have curls which are already unmanageable and easy to get things caught into them."
"Aye, tis true," Jamie chuckled.
"I always wanted to marry a man with curly hair," Eleanor commented, continuing her efforts. "Actually, that was one of my big turn ons."
"Is that so?" Jamie snorted, "Tis an odd thing to be attracted to in a man."
She pushed at him, "And what are you attracted to?"
"Just aboot every part of ye including that canny mind and strong spirit of yers, even if it means I want to throttle ye from time to time," He squeezed her tighter, "Are ye well with what just happened?"
She nodded, "I'm okay."
"Just okay?" Jamie asked, kissing her neck. "Yer wee noises told me otherwise."
She poked at him, "Fine. I liked it. A lot. What of it?"
"Nothing of it," Jamie raised an eyebrow, "Are ye still upset?"
"When I think about it," Eleanor said, "More so I'm hurt."
Jamie turned her over so she was facing him on her lap. "I see. Let's talk then- ye and me."
She nodded.
"Dinnae look so afraid," Jamie kissed her gently, "I love ye, Eleanor. That willna change. I'll go first- how's that?"
She nodded and he put his hand underneath her hair and began to rub the back of her scalp, soothingly, "I do not say it to make ye angry, Eleanor. Or to make ye feel like yer less than me. I do ken ye ken me weel enough to truly ken that- even when ye are in a temper."
"I suppose that is true, but...you have to realize that sometimes it doesn't feel that way," Eleanor admitted. "Sometimes it does make me feel like you think less of me. And no matter how many times you tell me that is not true, or how I am different than Claire, but not inferior to her, your actions speak louder than your words. I'm not saying I should just do what I want. I'm saying, I want your respect along with your love. I'm saying I want your trust. I'm strong, Jamie."
"Aye, I ken ye are," Jamie said, "If I have ever made ye feel like yer not, I am verra sorry fer it mo ghraidh."
She swallowed hard and nodded, "Do you not think what we have is special?"
"I ken it is," Jamie kissed her, gently, "Tis verra special. And I dinnae ever want ye to forget that. Promise me that ye will no forget it, Eleanor. No matter what may come our way."
She looked him in the eye, her hand on his face, "I promise you."
"Verra gut," Jamie nodded, "Now let's talk aboot it more...calmly, without ye tryin to poke me into losing my temper with ye."
She rubbed his face, "I love you, James Fraser. I love you with everything that I have in me. You bring so many different parts of me out that I didn't know existed."
He smiled at her and then kissed both of her cheeks and her lips, "I love ye too."
The tears sprang to Eleanor's eyes before she could help it. She took a long breath before pushing open the door and entering Bree's room.
"How did you do this so many times?" Bree panted as Eleanor held her hand.
"Truth be told, I don't know," Eleanor said, honestly. "Seeing you in labor doesn't make me want another one any time soon."
Brianna laughed, "Does Lord John know?"
Eleanor reached to damp a cloth, blotting her forward, "No, we haven't discussed having a child together."
"Why ever not?" Jocasta asked, from her perch on Brianna's bed.
"Well," Eleanor let out a breath, "Hope's birth was very trying."
"Ah," Jo said, "Let's say no more."
Brianna looked startled, "How trying?"
"She was breech," Eleanor said, "Which your babe is not. So, you'll be fine."
"I don't feel fine," Brianna moaned. "It is getting unbearable. What did you do when it felt like this?"
"Well, the first time, your father delivered Mac in a cave in the middle of a bloody awful storm. Murtagh was there."
Jocasta chuckled, "Ah, Eleanor, my dear, that seems like a tale to tell."
"At the time, neither of us were too thrilled about it, though Jamie tried to reassure me that he had delivered plenty of foals before."
Bree laughed, "Leave it to Da to be practical about it."
"Ah, but he was nervous," She glanced at Jocasta, "He always was nervous when I was in labor."
"Because of my dear sister," Jo said, quietly. "Ellen."
"Yes. But even as difficult the situation was in the cave, the minute that Jamie held Mac in his hands, the look on his face...and the look that he has every time he looks on one of our wee ones, it's worth it. His pain in not being able to raise you, Brianna, to give him a child again, I would have gladly borne anything. Although there were moments that I was not so brave and Jamie would have to get in my face and command me to keeping going."
"Jamie was there with ye then?" Jo asked, "beyond Mac's birth?"
"Not the entire time, but if I need him, Jamie was always there for me," Eleanor twisted the rag and then dipped it back.
Jocasta rose, "I am going to check on the household. It seems if we have some time. Will ye be fine with Ellie, Brianna?"
"Of course, Auntie," Bree said.
They were quite for a few minutes after Jo left, Eleanor coaching Brianna through contractions.
"Eleanor?"
"Yes?" Eleanor asked.
Brianna struggled, "You said that Da would look at your children and it would be worth it...but what if..." her voice trailed off. "What if Roger can never do that? Look at this child the way that Jamie looks at yours?"
Eleanor gripped Bree's hand, "This child will be loved by so many people, Brianna. I promise you that. Do not fear."
"Like Hope is?" Brianna asked, gently.
She smiled, "I'd like to think. And the truth of the matter is, the way Jamie looks at our babies, John is starting to look at them too...the love and patience and understanding he has for them, even though they are not of his own blood...it has never mattered."
"Because he loves both of their parents?" Bree asked, softly.
Eleanor put the cloth aside, "Yes, I suppose that is so."
And much later, Eleanor crawled into bed with John, who stirred. She snuggled against him and he instinctively turned over in his sleep to put his arms around her.
"It's a boy," Eleanor whispered.
"Is Brianna well?"
"Deliriously happy," she said. "She was so strong and brave."
"Jamie and Claire will be thrilled when they return," John said, pulling her against him, "How do you feel?"
"Tired..." Eleanor said, "but happy for Bree...and Jamie and Claire. I just wish they were here."
"They will be back before we know it," John kissed her head, "Get some rest, my dear. I'll ensure that the children do not interrupt you."
Eleanor sighed and drifted off into a deep sleep.
Jamie and Claire returned soon after the baby's birth. They had given Jamie and Claire several hours to reunite with Brianna and with Murtagh before involving the children in the reunion. Eleanor had conferred with Jocasta and then with Murtagh, who both indicated things were tense between Brianna and her parents because Roger did not return with them. So John and her had worked to keep the kids sequestered, not even mentioning Jamie's return to them. While the girls were napping and John entertaining the boys in their room, Eleanor looked out the window to see Murtagh and Jamie walking, Murtagh's hand on Jamie's arm. Her heart twisted with joy- knowing how much this reunion would mean to Jamie.
There was a knock on the door and Eleanor opened it, stepping out and shutting the door behind her, "Brianna," Eleanor said.
"Are the girls sleeping?" she asked.
"Yes," Eleanor said, "How are you doing?"
"Not so good," Bree admitted. "He's alive, but when Da told him of Bonnett, he said he needed time to think."
Eleanor frowned and then put her hand in Bree's hand, guiding her into the room that John and her share. She sat with Bree on the small settee. "What are you thinking?" she asked, quietly.
"I don't know what to think," Bree said, her voice shaky.
Eleanor thought for a few minutes, "It is a big decision. He should be sure before coming to you."
Bree nodded, "I know. Mama said that Jamie was put out by it."
"Well, your father won't understand. Like we have to adjust our modern perspectives, Roger does too. Honor looks differently in this century than it does it ours. Jamie would gladly raise another child like his children have been raised by others. But Roger...in our time, it is a choice. It doesn't mean that he won't choose to come to you."
"Mama said he has been through a lot living with the Mohawk."
"Then even more certain that he needs to get his head on straight," Eleanor said, "Just remember, that baby boy of yours is precious. And he is so well loved."
"Da started to tear up when he saw him," Bree admitted.
"I'm not surprised," Eleanor smiled and then squeezed Bree's hand, "I'm hopeful, Brianna. Give Roger time. And continue to believe in the love that you share." She leaned to give the younger woman a hug.
"Thank you, Ellie," Bree whispered.
"You're welcome."
Eleanor came down the stairs of River Run, Hope in her arms, Rosie's hand in hers. John was close behind her, carrying Sam, his hand in Mac's.
"Da!" Rosie let go over her hand and ran into Jamie's waiting arms. Her face expressed the purest of joy and Eleanor's heart twisted with love for that special relationship between Jamie and their daughter.
"Leannan," Jamie kissed her head, "How I have missed ye! Oh, look at how ye have grown...and yer braw brothers!"
The boys bounded up to him and Jamie gathered all of them in his arms.
Eleanor smiled at Brianna and then went to give Claire a hug, who was holding Brianna's baby.
"Thank you for staying with Bree," she whispered. "I know it was a sacrifice to spend so much time here."
"I was happy to," Ellie said as Jamie shook John's hand.
Jamie straightened, Rosie in his arms, Rosie clinging to Jamie, her arms around his neck. "Eleanor."
"James," Eleanor said, smiling as Jamie leaned down to kiss her cheek in greeting.
"I didn't know you called Da James." Brianna asked, amused.
"Aye," Jamie turned to his daughter, "Aboot the only un I'd let call me James."
"Usually only reserved for times I am irritated at him," Eleanor teased.
"Aye, tis true," Jamie said, looking sheepish. "Which maybe is often."
"Not too often," Eleanor giggled, "It's good to see you."
"Tis verra fine to see ye, lass as weel. Ye and our bairns." He flung his arm back around the boys.
Eleanor looked around, "Did Ian return back to the Ridge?"
Jamie handed Rosie to Brianna and inclined his head, "I need to speak with ye in private, Ellie."
Eleanor looked to John, who nodded at her. "Go to Papa, Hope," Ellie said, softly.
"There is a wee nip to the air," Jocasta said, "Ye should have yer cape. Ulysses, will ye retrieve it fer Lady John? Dinnae fash about the wee uns."
"Thank you, Auntie," Eleanor said, softly. She took her cape from Ulysses, "Thank you, Ulysses."
Jamie leaned down to give each of his children a kiss and then came to her side. He gripped her elbow, guiding her outside.
They walked down the stairs of River Run, Eleanor putting her hands in her pocket to her cape. Jamie's hand was still on her elbow, guiding her along the path. When he was far from the house, he said, "Ian traded himself fer Roger. He is with the Mowhak now."
Eleanor turned towards him, "What?" Her heart was filled with dread, "He is just a boy, Jamie!"
"No, mo ghraidh. Ian has become a man," Jamie said, his hand on her shoulder. "A man of worth. Of honor," he squeezed her shoulder. "That is what ye and I hoped fer him all those years at Lallybroch. Dinnae fash fer him. He is so verra brave and braw."
Eleanor covered her mouth with her hand, "Oh, Ian. Sweet Ian." Her face crumbled, "Jamie..."
Jamie pulled her into his arms. "Ah, give yerself a gut cry, lassie. I ken how much ye love him. I shed my tears already."
Eleanor sobbed into Jamie's shoulder, him holding her tightly against him. When she was done, she pulled away. "I got snot on your jacket."
"Aye," Jamie smiled at her. "Tis so."
"Sorry about that," her lip still trembled.
"Ach," Jamie wiped her tears, "Ye never seem to have a hankerchief when ye need un."
"True," Eleanor managed a smile, "But I have Lord John, who always seems to have them at the ready."
He nodded, "Thank ye fer yer kindness to Brianna."
"Of course, you do not have to thank me for that," Eleanor said. "Can you do me a favor though?"
"Aye, what is it?"
"I need John," Eleanor said, swallowing hard, "Can you send him out to me? I don't want the children to see me upset."
Jamie looked surprised, "Aye, of course."
She forced a smile even though the tears were still falling, "Thanks." She leaned over to kiss Jamie's cheek. "I'm glad you are safe, James."
"Aye, and tis verra gut to see ye as weel, Eleanor," he retorted, his hand on her cheek before heading back inside the house. Eleanor took a seat on the bench facing the River and began to cry. A few minutes later, John approached her, sitting on the bench next to her. He pulled out his handkerchief from his pocket, shook it out and handed it to her. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose and crumbled the hankerchief in her hand.
"Jamie told me about Ian. I'm sorry, dearest," John said, reaching for her unoccupied hand and kissing it. "Are you worried for his safety?"
She nodded, "Jamie says he is a man and he will be fine, but John, he is still that boy that I helped with his lessons...the one who helped me so much when Jamie and I were first wed. He accepted me and loved me as his auntie, even though he didn't know me...and he still does, even though I'm no longer wed to Jamie. What if they hurt him?"
John kissed her hand again, "I cannot say if they would or would not, but if they are accepting him as one of their own, just as Ian did so long ago with you, then I do not think they will truly hurt him even if they are savages."
Eleanor dropped her head on John's shoulder. "Sit with me for a while, would you? I just need to be with you...in this moment."
He squeezed her knee, "Of course."
"Lady John, what are your views on the insurgents now?" Tryon leaned over to whisper to her. He had summoned Jamie to his palace. Claire had opted to return to the Ridge with Brianna and Roger, who had showed up days later. Lord John and Eleanor were on the way home to William, promising to return for Brianna's wedding to Roger in a few months time. Again, it was a small supper party, the children tucked into bed already and Eleanor seated next to Tryon, trying to navigate the social nuances of this century. Mrs. Tryon was away again, leaving Eleanor quite wanting from female company. Jamie was stationed on Eleanor's opposite side, close enough to hear Tryon and her conversation. Lord John was down the table, in discussion with another land owner.
"I have to admit I find their tactics troublesome," Eleanor said, grimacing.
"The tar and feathering is barbaric," Tryon asserted, "And the man at the center...this Murtagh Fitzgibbons...today, I have ordered Colonel Fraser to hunt him and bring him to me...dead or alive."
Eleanor managed not to sputter the wine she had been sipping when that pronouncement was made. Jamie's hand slipped under the table to rest heavily on her leg, cautioning her. "You do not say. Do you know where he is?" She tilted her head, curiously.
"No, but I have no doubt in Colonel Fraser's abilities," Tryon said. "My dear, you are looking pale. Are you feeling well?"
"I am quite well," Eleanor forced a smile, putting her wine down and fiddling with her pearl necklace. "Weary of course from the long journey."
"Of course, or," Tryon leaned over to her again, "Perhaps, the discussion is too trying upon your delicate sensibilities."
"Truth be told," Eleanor demurred, "I'm not sure my sensibilities are all that delicate."
Tryon laughed heartedly at that, "I can tell. Oh, dear, John is practically glaring at me from down the table end."
"You are constantly getting me in trouble with my husband, your excellency," Eleanor took another sip of wine, "But I do not think I should bear the brunt of it, for you are the one who asked for my opinion to begin with." She absently touched her braid which had been woven into her bun.
Tryon looked amused, "I do agree. And what is your opinion, Lady John?"
"My opinion," Eleanor swished her wine around before tilting her head toward Tryon as he leaned in so their heads were practically touching, "Is that I will leave politics to the wisdom of your excellency."
"Ah, now that is cheating, my Lady," Tryon said, his eyes twinkling.
Jamie's hand squeezed hard upon her knee. She had missed that his shoulders had squared and his back was completely stiffened. He was irritated at her.
"Very well," Eleanor ignored Jamie's hand, "If you must know...I am still sympathetic," Tryon groaned and she smiled, "I know, I simply cannot help it. However, their tactics are completely unacceptable. They would do well to make their voices heard in other ways...if your excellency would be willing to listen. If you are willing to listen to me..."
"Well, I dare say you are far more charming then those insurgents," Tryon said, amused.
"You are too kind," Eleanor smiled.
"What do you say, Fraser?" Tryon said, "She is charming, is she not?"
"I have always thought so," Jamie said, dryly, his jaw tight.
Eleanor looked down the table to catch John's eye. He held it for a minute, a message passing between them. She nodded and then inquired after Tryon's wife.
"Pull her in line, John, or I swear to God I will do so myself," Jamie said as they walked outside, away from prying eyes and listening ears. "She is practically asking for Tryon to take her to his bed. I canna see how ye can just sit there and let her openly act that way..."
"That's enough!" John hissed. "If you have a problem with the way Eleanor is acting, then by all means, take it up with her. I will not chastise her for her behavior."
"Ye canna be serious..."
"If you think Eleanor capable of having an affair with any man other than yourself, then you are a damn fool, Jamie Fraser," John said, cooly.
Jamie paused and then turned heavily towards John, "I'm not saying she would choose it, more than she will get herself in a situation she canna pry herself out of...what will happen then?"
"And I am asserting that I trust Eleanor," John said, "She is trying to protect you...and Mr. Fitzgibbons, in the only way she can." He paused, "If you are jealous of the flirtatious behavior betwix Eleanor and Tryon, then just have the courage to say so."
"I am not jealous!" Jamie hissed, "I am concerned for my wife."
John stilled at the slip. "Your wife is home at Fraser's Ridge. My wife is here with us."
Jamie looked stricken, "Of course, I dinnae mean..."
John waved him off, "Perhaps, if you had told Eleanor about Tryon's deal with you to begin with, then matters would have been different. I do not like it as well as you, but Tryon has taken an interest in her and Eleanor will act to protect you and Mr. Fitzgibbons, you because she still loves you dearly...and as for Mr. Fitzgibbons, she'll protect him out of some foolish notion of guilt."
"She dinnae need to do so," Jamie said, "It is not her place."
"Then you tell her that, by all means," John said. "But Eleanor is much stronger than you give her credit for." He frowned, "Oh, do not look so worried, Jamie. I will not let her get too far into it with Tryon. Did you notice how she changed the subject midway? She did that at my direction."
Jamie paused, "Did she?" he asked, his voice low.
"Of course she did," John rolled his eyes heavenwards, "I am capable of protecting Eleanor...even from herself. I will not allow her to falter. But," John leaned in, "if you chastise her right now and I am left with a crying wife to deal with tonight, then I will have words for you. You can make your opinion known, but do not hurt her feelings, Fraser. I will not stand for it."
"Will ye no?" Jamie frowned.
John stood straighter, "I will not, sir."
Jamie stared for a minute and then smiled, "Gut man."
John scowled, but then said, "Fancy a game of chess?"
"Aye, ye dinnae have to ask twice," Jamie said.
Eleanor walked with Jamie, early in the morning.
"You were irritated with me last night," Eleanor commented as they walked the grounds, Eleanor's cape getting wet in the damp.
"Aye," Jamie said, "but I was under strict orders not to upset ye over it."
"Lord John interceded then?" Eleanor turned her head towards him.
"Aye, he is verra protective over ye, even more so than before if that is at all possible," Jamie said. "I canna fault him fer it. It is what I would wish, fer ye to have a husband that looks out fer yer feelings."
"And John does that well," Eleanor said, leaning her hands against the fence post.
"Tis true," Jamie said, leaning as well.
"I didn't mean to act a certain way," Ellie said, "For what it is worth."
"I ken," Jamie said, "I just dinnae want ye to get in an undesirable situation based on yer desire to protect me."
Eleanor fiddled with her tie, "What didn't you tell me about Tryon and your deal with him, James?"
"Does it matter?"
"You know it does," Eleanor said, "for the future of our children...for what will be to come."
"Aye," Jamie looked disturbed, "And I thought that when the time came, I could change my allegiances."
"If so then, it is a dangerous game you are playing."
"And what about ye?" Jamie pressed, "John's allegiances will not falter."
"I know," she said, softly, "But when it comes down to it, I think I can reason with him...if anything, to be practical about it."
"Have ye learned nothin about this time and men of honor?" Jamie asked, almost exasperatedly.
"I have learned much between my husbands," Eleanor said, wryly and then cracked a smile.
Jamie looked at her intently for a moment and then returned her smile. "Tis verra gut to see yer smile again, mo ghraidh."
She nodded, "There is something I have been meaning to talk to you about," she looked around to make sure they were alone. "It's about our son."
"Which un?" Jamie asked, titling his head.
"Mac."
"I wouldna have thought. The lad giving ye trouble?"
"No more than normal," Eleanor said, "It's Sam that is still throwing tantrums, but Lord John handles his godson well."
"Aye," Jamie said, frowning, "Then what aboot Mac?"
"He indicated that he knows...about everything."
Jamie stilled and then let out a long breath, "I see. The lad has always been perceptive."
"Yes, he has," Eleanor reached out to touch Jamie's arm, "I told him that you and I need to talk to him and in the meantime to not share it with anyone."
"Aye," Jamie said, "But tis not the proper place to have such a discussion. Twill not be long until we are all together again, lass...and we can talk to him together."
"Are we going to deny it?"
Jamie shook his head swiftly, "No. We will not."
"How can we ever explain such a thing?"
"We tell him that we canna explain it, but that dinnae mean that tis not the truth," Jamie said. "We must always strive to be honest with the bairns, Eleanor, but maybe selective in when we convey that honesty."
"Very diplomatic," She smiled at him, "What are you going to do about Murtagh?"
"That is not so easy to puzzle out," Jamie retorted, staring into the fields, "I don't know. The Ridge depends on my loyalty to the crown...and it is our children's future."
Eleanor reached out to touch his arm gently, "I do not want you to feel like you have to betray yourself or Murtagh for the sake of our children..."
Jamie grasped her hand with his other hand, "I have to do what I must fer all of us."
She nodded, "I want to talk to John about us spending some extended time at the Ridge after Roger and Bree's wedding."
"Aye," Jamie said, "Tis a gut idea as the future might be...uncertain."
Eleanor had to visibly reel in her emotions at the thought of Jamie in danger. "You will take care though..."
"Aye," Jamie nodded, squeezing her fingertips. "I will. Now tell me more aboot Sam's tantrums."
"Oh where to begin?" Eleanor said, laughing.
"From the beginning," Jamie quipped.
"I'm afraid the very beginning might be inappropriate betwixt you and I in this moment in time," Eleanor said. "As it involved a field and lots of dirt and grass."
Jamie threw back his head and laughed, "Aye, tis true. Though I dinnae think we can ken fer certain that was the very beginning..."
Eleanor shrugged, "Perhaps it is fitting that Sam is giving us so much problems then...since he was conceived by me giving you such trouble."
"Ah, so ye admit that ye did?" Jamie asked, an eyebrow raised.
"I admit nothing," Eleanor tossed her head.
"Verra weel...me wee besom," Jamie poked at her, "Start from the beginning of our wee laddie's tantrums."
"I can do that," Eleanor said, "But we might be here a while."
"Oh Christ," Jamie's eyes widened.
"He is your son after all," Eleanor retorted, teasingly.
"Aye, between ye and me, it was never goin to be easy with our bairns," Jamie said. "But I canna say I would want them any other way."
"Me either." Eleanor replied. "I'm grateful."
"Aye, and I as weel," Jamie clasped her hand and then kissed it affectionately.
And in that moment, Eleanor realized just how far she and Jamie had come...to making peace with each other and their future. Yet, she knew the future to come was going to be anything but peaceful.
A/N: thoughts? :)