February 18, 1976 - Hogwarts
Severus had been released from the Infirmary the following morning, a quiet ache in his limbs the only reminder of the transpired events. When he'd awoken, Cassiopeia had been gone from his side, appearing only minutes later as she slipped through the door - hair tousled, and cheeks ever-so-slightly red.
He'd asked where she had gone, but Cassie remained tight-lipped, only promising to tell him later, when they could not be overheard. She'd looked worried.
Now, they sat in their favourite hiding place on the seventh floor, settled comfortably atop some silken, blue cushions laying on the floor - Cassiopeia's design.
"Well?" he asked simply. They both knew the reason for their meeting here.
His companion sighed, "It isn't much of anything - I just wanted to be sure no-one could overhear." She bit her lip, continuing after a pause. "I was sending another letter to Valens - to the Dark Lord."
"Okay," he frowned, certain there was something more that she wanted to tell him.
"I wrote something…" she trailed off, breaking his gaze to stare into her lap. "Severus, did you see the story in the newspaper?"
"The attack that people have been talking about? No, but I've heard - " his gaze snapped to hers. "Was the Dark Lord involved?"
He knew the answer even before she nodded. "Yes. And I told him of my displeasure."
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, filled with consternation. "And you're worried about his reaction?"
She lifted her gaze to his, an ironic smile overtaking her face. "You know me too well; I haven't been able to get it off my mind."
He sat impotent for a moment, searching for the words that would reassure her - would reassure them both.
"Well - there isn't much you can do now, is there?" he asked. "If he's angry…" Severus couldn't help the images that arose in his mind; of the Dark Lord's face filled with rage, of Cassiopeia's twisted with pain. "... We'll find a way to handle it, if it comes to that."
His friend looked unconvinced by the words, but gave him a small smile nonetheless. "Thanks."
They sat in silence for a moment, before Cassiopeia spoke again. "I was going to tell you, but it slipped my mind - I've been working on my shields quite a bit, lately… I was going to ask whether you could finally test them."
"Are you sure? Now?" he asked reflexively, lifting his brows.
"I am," she responded. "And it's a good time to do so regardless; when's the next time we'll have this much time to ourselves?"
Severus scanned her face, seeing the resolve in her eyes. He wanted to come up with some excuse, some way of putting this off, but he could think of nothing. "Very well," he sighed, enjoying at least the grateful smile she bestowed on him in response. "But - do some extra meditation first. Just in case."
"Okay," she responded easily, slipping from the pillows and onto the carpeted floor. She sat cross-legged and let her eyes drift closed, the rise and fall of her chest slowly evening out.
Despite his agreement, Severus was apprehensive. He'd gone over the Legilimens spell countless times - read, and re-read the theory; practiced the incantation - but still, all that was different from actually delving into someone's mind. This, he had only practiced on a few occasions - guiltily scanning the thoughts of unsuspecting first years.
He had not wanted to risk damaging Cassiopeia's mind through his inexpertise, and though these practice sessions had given him some assurance, there were still countless smaller risks that he could not account for. He could only hope that her own knowledge would aid in this endeavour.
Severus pulled his focus away from her, turning it inward instead and beginning his own exercises. Employing Occlumency while he explored her shields would aid him too - sealing off his own interest in the contents of her mind.
He did not know how much time passed as he meditated, attention turned only to his breath and to the familiar dulling of sensation that overtook him as he arranged his mind into place.
When he finally opened his eyes, feeling as though he had just awoken from a dream, he saw that she had done the same, and was staring at him with a tilted head, an odd smile playing on her lips.
"What is it?'' he asked, a little self-consciousness stirring within him as he realised she had been watching him.
"It's nothing," she answered in a quiet manner. "Your face just looks a little different - it's only now that I noticed."
Severus frowned, feeling oddly defensive. "Why?"
"The shape of your nose has changed. Don't worry - it's minuscule, I doubt anyone else has noticed."
Her reassuring tone could not stop the flush of anger and shame that rushed through him. His nose had almost always been the focus of Black's taunts - if its incongruity had worsened by his attack -
"Is it worse?" he was unable to stop himself from asking.
"No - Severus, it looks almost the same. It looks good," she responded. "I'm sorry for bringing it up."
"No - I'm glad I know now," he responded, before gathering his resolve "Now - do you think you're ready?"
She exhaled deeply, "Would you give me a minute more to meditate? I think I've lost my concentration a bit."
"Go ahead," he said, spreading out his hands. "Take all the time you need."
She smiled briefly in thanks before closing her eyes, all expression slowly disappearing from her face again. He observed her again, as her breath became slower, deeper, and as the tension visibly bled from her body - her image becoming one of peace in just a few seconds.
"Ready?" he asked quietly, when she finally opened her eyes.
Taking a fortifying breath she nodded, meeting his gaze with a firm resolve. He brought his wand to her temple, and taking a moment to calm himself as well, whispered the spell.
"Legilimens."
Light-headedness overtook him as the image of the room began to shift and morph, its outlines growing blurry and dark, before disappearing entirely. Moments later, his awareness returned, and he felt his mental consciousness as if it were suspended in a still, Tartarean void.
Cautiously at first, then with more confidence, he began to explore the darkness around him. He could sense no boundaries to it, and no fissures or cracks which could allow him to leave this space, and truly delve into her mind.
Hmm.
With considerable effort, he materialised a form for his consciousness - his own body. Now able to do so, he called out to her, wondering if this action would change any of the conditions around him.
'Cassiopeia?'
He felt no response, but the most minuscule of particles of light appeared in front of him. He did not waste the opportunity, and lunged towards it.
Immediately, the darkness around him took form, enveloping his body with tendrils that gripped tightly at his limbs. He fought back for a second, attempting futilely to escape their hold, before another idea made itself known to him.
'Cassiopeia? I'm impressed. You should be proud of this.'
Yes. As she focused on his words and her concentration began to slip, blinding light began to appear all around him, and he hesitated only for a moment before seizing it.
Images, thoughts, emotions, memories, all rushed at him in an overwhelming tide. He was engulfed in the storm, in the swirl of light and sound and touch, and he let himself be carried by it, the sensation slowly clearing, as a singular memory of Cassie's came into view all around him.
It was unfamiliar to him, but immediately recognisable nonetheless, and the sensations of the memory inundated him, as real as though he were present there himself. Pride and euphoria welled up within him as Professor McGonagall smiled, presenting a contract of Apprenticeship -
He felt himself be pulled away, and his surroundings darkened as Cassiopeia fought to return him to the void. He pushed past the sensation, calling forward an emotion he felt to be safe - acceptance - in an effort to distract her. A memory surfaced almost immediately, one he doubted she could still remember in her conscious mind.
'Hello, dear. I'm Severus' mum, Eileen.'
His stomach dropped in trepidation, and a desire to please and be accepted by this kind, motherly woman filled him completely. He watched the memory play out as his surroundings returned to their previous state, and he felt Cassie's strong desire to cast him from her mind wane as she turned her focus from him.
A second memory appeared in its place - this time one of the first benevolent letters she had ever received from the Dark Lord. Feeling Cassiopeia's agitation at its appearance, he attempted to call forward a different emotion, a different memory, but it was too late.
A memory characterised by the same, awful feeling of distress appeared in front of him. The sensation filled him completely, utter fear freezing him in place, and he was helpless to do anything as it began to play out.
'You look like her, you know.' Cassiopeia's father slurred out his words, his breath hot against her skin. 'She was horrid, but a fit bird if I've ever seen one - '
He pulled away with a snarl, snatching at an owl that had appeared on the windowsill. 'You've been writing to your little friends?'
The blood drained from her face. "No! I haven't - I promise - "
His rage was not to be calmed. 'You bitch. What did I say about magic?"
A sharp, painful movement pulled Severus away, his surroundings growing dark and empty once more. Filled with guilt, he broke the Legilimens spell, moments later reappearing in the real world.
He blinked open his eyes, meeting Cassiopeia's drawn face.
"Cassie - " he didn't know what to say, how to apologise. He hadn't meant to see something so personal, had unequivocally never meant to cause her the pain he had - the pain whose true extent he was only now seeing. "I'm sorry. For now, and for...then."
She didn't speak for a moment, only drawing in a deep, calming breath. When she did, however, her voice was unwavering. "Do you understand? Do you know now, why I was so betrayed?" She cut off his response, "Don't answer. Think on it."
"I'm not angry that you saw," she added, standing from the floor. "I know you didn't mean it."
Severus closed his eyes as she shut the door, shame filling him completely at the thought of her words.
•••
Due to an unforeseen occurence with my family, I've had to split this chapter in two. The second part should be out shortly, within a day or two at most. Thank you to SilentMayhem and Stephanie MRV, and I'll see you soon.