A/N: Thank you again for the lovely reviews and feedback. I really appreciate everyone taking the time to share your thoughts. I hope all of you are staying healthy! Things are pretty busy here as we are gearing up for a move next month, but writing is a pretty good escape from reality. :)
As promised...everything comes out in this chapter...at least partially :) Let me know what you think!
Chapter 36:
It had poured for days on end in the days prior to Bree and Roger's nuptials, so much so that it seemed improbable that anyone would be able to gather for the wedding. Though the trek to Fraser's Ridge was still passable, the river was rapid and high. Jamie had given the kids stern warnings to stay away from the water. But the day before the wedding, the clouds had cleared and the ground began to dry out even though the water was still rushing. In spite of it, people gathered from near and far and pitched their tents for Brianna's big day. John and Eleanor had moved out from the big house and set up their own tent amongst the crowd, but the children stayed in the Big House...all but Hope, who remained with Eleanor and John.
The day of Brianna's wedding was bright and sunny. Eleanor had left Hope with John and took Rosie's hand to help her get ready, in Claire and Jamie's room, under Jamie's watchful eye, while Claire helped Bree.
Eleanor fixed the wreath on Rosie's head. They had managed to gather and dry out some leaves and flowers to fashion the wreath for Rosie to wear. After three attempts to make it look like something wearable, Eleanor had hopelessly gone to Marsali with a pile of leaves and flowers. Marsali and her had worked over the wreath, chatting and giggling together, while the children ran around them, much to Fergus's amusement. She had to admit that it was a delightful afternoon with another mother, even if Marsali was much younger than her, it fed her soul to be around her- lamenting and laughing over the sorrows and joys of motherhood...and the wild antics of their Fraser brood.
"There you are, my love. You look darling." She straightened and smiled, lovingly, at her daughter. "What do you think, Da? Will this do?"
"Aye," Jamie smiled and went over to where Rosie and Eleanor were standing, "Let's have a look at ye, mo leannan." He bent down on one knee, inspecting her. He smoothed down her mop of curls, brushing the stray pieces out of her face and straightened her sash.
"Ye are verra bonny, mo leannan, just like yer mama," He patted her face.
"But I look nothin like mama, Da" Rosie said, seriously.
"Ah, now that isna true," Jamie said, seriously, "Ye have yer mama's bonny smile...and, even better ye have her sweet soul inside ye which makes ye even more bonny to every un around ye."
Rosie practically beamed under Jamie's praise. "Mama looks verra pretty," Rosie said. "I like her hat."
"Aye, yer mama kens how to wear a hat these days," He said, wryly, giving Ellie a pointed look, causing her to giggle which in turn caused Rosie and Jamie both to laugh.
Eleanor's pale blue dress was strikingly similar to her eyes, bringing the blue out, and complimenting her dark hair. The hat John firmly put in her hands today did complete her outfit perfectly. She looked very much the lady of society she was, smartly dressed to match her husband's own exceptional taste in fashion. John had promised her when they wed that he would guide her to succeeding in this time and he had done so, without breaking the traits that make Eleanor the woman that has endeared herself to all of them.
Jamie looked at her for a few more seconds, before he turned his attention back to his daughter, "Aye, ye will do verra weel indeed," He gave her a kiss, "My most wee lass. Yer growin too fast." He glanced at Ellie again.
Eleanor forced a smile to try to hide the stab of pain she always felt when she saw Jamie with her children, especially Rosie. While his words were so sweet and heartfelt, they were not exactly true. For there was another little girl, with the same mop of curls and the same tilt of her chin as her older sister Brianna, sitting on the lap of her step-father, unable to be claimed by the same man who so readily and beautifully fathers her siblings. Her heart nearly broke again. John had been proved to be the most wonderful husband and father, but Hope was a Fraser, through and through.
"Now ye'll walk in front of me and Brianna, just like we practiced. And when ye see Lord John with Hope, ye'll sit next to them. Mac is goin to be with Roger, holding the ring and Sam is with yer brother Fergus. It wasna worth the tantrum to separate him and Germain. Even with their age difference, the lads are thick of thieves together."
He turned and gave a look to Eleanor, who shrugged. Jamie straightened.
"Did you find everything for Brianna?" she attempted to change the subject away from the antics of their youngest son.
"Not something blue. I tried to look for the flowers, but the blue uns were ruined by the rain. I had to settle for other uns.
She paused and then reached to take off her ring, "Brianna should wear this. It can double as something extra borrowed and something also blue."
Jamie smiled, "Aye, but ye should go give it to her, mo ghraidh. She would like that."
"I do not wish to interrupt her time with Claire."
Jamie inclined his head, "Go on. Dinnae be shy, lass. We are yer family."
"A very complicated family," Eleanor countered.
"Aye," Jamie said evenly, "But family all the same. Brianna will be honored to wear yer ring, Ellie. Especially when she kens it means so much to ye."
"Okay," Eleanor said. "What about Rosie?"
"I will stay with Rosie," he scooped her up. "One day this will be ye, my wee un. But not fer a verra long time. I canna bear to think upon losin all my wee lasses."
"I agree with your Da. Not for a very long time, Rosie-girl," She looked at Jamie, "I can't bear thinking of our wee ones grown either," she admitted and then paused suddenly, frozen in spot. Her heart was flooded with a memory of another little boy and girl...one who were growing up quite quickly, in another place and another time...and one that she would never be able to see wed.
Jamie reached out to lightly touch her fingers, "Harry and Charlotte are in gut hands." He knew what she was thinking even without her having to say it.
"They must be so grown now," She bit her lip, "I'll never see them on their wedding days."
"I ken," Jamie met her eyes, "But the will ken how much their mama loves them and they will carry it with them on that day."
"Thank you, Jamie," Eleanor gave Jamie a gentle smile as tears filled both their eyes. She leaned over to kiss both him and Rosie on the cheek, her ring still in her hand.
Stepping across the hall, she went to find Claire and Brianna.
"I do not mean to interrupt," Eleanor said, softly, "Oh, Bree. You are stunning."
"Thank you," Bree smiled.
"And of course, you are not interrupting, Ellie," Claire said. "I was just putting the finishing touches on Bree's dress."
"It's a good thing you can sew," Ellie said, "I would be completely lost."
Bree laughed, "Didn't teach you that at William and Mary?"
Eleanor giggled, "Not at all. I did however, take a class that might help you tonight...if you so need it."
"Lady John," Bree admonished, pretending to be shocked, "Da would have a conniption to hear you talk."
She pursed her lips, "I do not think I did tell your father that one...I used to tell him things just to shock him. His ears used to get red at the tips..."
Claire even had to laugh at that revelation.
"Goodness," Brianna chuckled more, putting her hand on her stomach. "How is Da doing?" Bree asked.
"Doing well," Eleanor said, "Tearing up already. He is such a softie at times."
Bree laughed. "We all are going to be hopeless before long."
"Very true," Eleanor said. "I have something I wanted to give you and Jamie said I should go on. Something blue. And borrowed, I do want it back...it might be my most treasured possession."
Bree smiled when Eleanor handed her the ring. "The sapphire in the ring was given to Lord John by your Da at Ardsmuir. John kept it, but eventually turned it in to a ring for me. It is treasured by both John and myself and we would be honored if you would wear it as you wed Roger...as a symbol of our friendship...well, our kinship."
"Eleanor," Claire put her arm around her, "That is so thoughtful."
"I appreciate you, Brianna...accepting my children as your siblings...and John and I as your family, " Eleanor said, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I am always horribly emotional."
Bree came to give Eleanor a hug. "Thank you. I'd be honored to wear your ring." she pulled away, wiping her own tears and then put on the ring. "But I do not have anything else..."
As if on cue, Jamie stood at the door, a tray in his hand, Rosie at his heels, "ye dinna think yer Da would let ye get marrit unprepared?"
Eleanor smiled and then took Rosie by the hand, letting Jamie and Claire and Bree have their moment, together.
Claire came out after a few minutes, "Jamie wants time with Bree."
She nodded. "I should find John."
"Of course," Claire held her hand, "Hold my hand, Rosie. We'll wait for your Da and sister."
Rosie happily took Claire's hand as Eleanor slipped out.
She walked down the steps of the Ridge to where the others were seated. John stood as she approached, Hope in his arms.
"Everything is well," Eleanor said, smiling. She turned to where Governor Tryon was standing behind her, ready to greet her.
"Lady John," he bowed. "You are looking well this fine day."
"Your excellency," Eleanor curtsied, exchanging a look with Roger, who was talking to Fergus. "I thank you for the compliment. What a pleasure to see you again," Eleanor forced a warm smile, "I was unaware that you were attending."
"Yes, it was a last minute choice. I have business with Colonel Fraser."
"Do you?" Eleanor said, her eyes on him, "I do hope it is nothing too unseemly for such a joyous occasion," she said, taking care to keep her voice light, but strong.
John's hand came out to rest lightly on Eleanor's arm, "I am sure his excellency will not to anything to damper the festivities, my darling."
Eleanor looked to Governor Tyron expectedly and Roger and Fergus seeing Eleanor's look she gave to the Governor of North Carolina took great care not to look at each other for fear they would burst out in laughter.
"I should say not," Tryon laughed, "Or your wife will clearly hold my feet to the fire. I forgot how much I missed your spunk and opinions, Lady John."
"You are too kind," Eleanor said, "I think...forgive me, but that was a compliment was it not, your excellency?"
Governor Tryon laughed harder, "I wouldn't dare for it not to be. John, you must be endlessly diverted with her antics. It would never do for you to have a dull wife, would it?"
"Indeed no," John said. "But there is a good reason for such impertinence, your excellency. If you will remember, Eleanor was married to Col Fraser. He is the father of her children."
"Ah, yes, that is right. I forgot that connection. Dear little ones, are they not?"
"The dearest," John said, forcing a smile.
"Speaking of those dear ones," Eleanor said, "I should check on Mac. And make sure he hasn't lost Brianna's ring. If you would excuse me..."
"Of course," Governor Tryon responded.
She curtsied as she made her leave to go to where Roger and Mac were talking to Fergus.
"What?" she asked, innocently as Roger and Fergus struggled to hide their smirks.
Fergus leaned down to kiss her cheek in greeting, "Be careful, mi lady. Jamie will not wish you to cross Tryon on his behalf."
"And yer husband will surely have somethin to say of it," Roger added as he reached to clasp Eleanor's hand, greeting her. "How is Bree?"
"Bree is beautiful...it is almost time," she leaned down, "Mac, you have the ring, right?"
"Aye," Mac nodded seriously, looking up at Roger, quite in awe of his almost brother.
Roger put a hand on his head, "Ye'll do well, laddie," he said, smiling at him.
"Is Sam behaving?" Eleanor asked Fergus. "Jamie is concerned."
"He'll be fine," Fergus said, "And if he is not, then Germain will be right in the trouble with him."
Eleanor grinned, "Oh God," she said, and then leaned, "Maybe Sam should see his former stepfather during the ceremony."
"That isna necessary," Roger said, "Nothin can ruin this day, Eleanor. Dinnae worry on our account. Brianna wouldna have it any other way but to have her brothers here. Ye must know that."
"I know that," Eleanor said, "I'm more worried about the daggers Jamie will shoot me during the ceremony if Sam misbehaves and takes Germain along for the ride."
Roger laughed heartedly, "If Jamie is shootin any daggers, Eleanor, it willna be at ye. He wasna pleased that we dinna have a Catholic priest for the ceremony..."
"Jamie is very set in his ways," Eleanor said, "And he is going to come around to everything. I know him. Give him time. And give yourself time. And just focus on Bree and not all this family drama."
"Wise words, Lady John," Roger bowed at her and Fergus smiled. Eleanor reached for Marsali's hand, squeezing it as she went past to sit back with Lord John.
John reached out and put a hand on her knee. He leaned over to whisper in her ear, "Darling, you must try harder to not be so..." he paused, "opinionated."
Eleanor laughed, "Look around. You are surrounded by opinionated women-Claire, Bree, Marsali, Auntie Jocasta. Do not ask me to play nice to Tryon when he is trying to..." she paused. "I can't."
John looked at her worried.
"Oh, I'll behave, I promise," Eleanor said, exasperated.
"Not too much, I hope," John said, dryly, "As his excellency said, it would never do for me to have a dull wife."
Eleanor giggled and John put his arm around her.
"You do look lovely today, Lady John. You have a nice flush to your face that compliments your dress."
"Thank you, you are looking quite dapper yourself, Lord John," Eleanor said. "As always."
"How is our Rosie?" John asked.
"Looking quite beautiful."
"Hope throw flowers," Hope said, pouting.
Eleanor looked to John, who shushed Hope.
"Another time, darling," he told her. "And you look quite pretty yourself today. I love this dress. I think maybe even more than Rosie's. Your Mama has exceptional taste."
Hope grinned and spread out her dress, smoothing it over her knees.
"Good thing Papa knows how to compliment a lady," Eleanor said into John's ear.
"Indeed," John said, giving her a small smile. "Now, hush, here comes Claire."
The ceremony was beautiful. Rosie did a wonderful job with her petal tossing and went to sit beside her stepbrother, William. Mac didn't lose the ring and Eleanor though for a moment everything would go out with a hitch. While Bree and Roger said their vows, John reached for her hand, kissing it. She smiled at him, holding his eyes for a moment before out of the corner of her eye she saw Fergus lean to quiet the boys as Sam began to argue with Germain, who was playing in the dirt. Apparently, he had found a worm that Sam was also interested in. Eleanor looked to Jamie, who was indeed shooting her daggers. He gave Bree and Roger an apologetic look before he rose, took Sam by the collar and dragged him to sit on his lap, with a firm shake and a look that would send the fear of God into any little boy.
"Sorry, Bree" Sam grumbled from his perch on his Da's lap. "But it was an awfully good worm."
Bree and Roger both burst out laughing as Eleanor covered her flushed face with her hand both mortified and amused. John reached to slide his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him.
"You said life would always be interesting when we wed," he whispered. "Sam is just proving that to be so."
"Indeed," Eleanor said. "For as long as we both shall live."
Roger looked to Ellie, "Did Germain just say what I think he did?"
Eleanor frowned and turned to Sam who was by her side, "Does Da say that?"
"Aye," Sam nodded. "I dinna ken why Presbyterians have hair ticks, but they do."
She exchanged a look at Roger and then Bree, who had come up to them. "What is it?" she asked.
"Your da apparently thinks all Presbyterians are heretics and are telling the wee uns that," Roger said.
"He does," Bree said, smiling. "But not around Ellie's presence. He wouldn't dare."
Eleanor put her hand on Germain's shoulder, "Grandperre is mistaken. Roger doesn't have hair ticks, darling. Neither do I for that matter."
Bree laughed and Eleanor said, "Excuse me."
Eleanor turned around and Bree reached for Sam when he started to follow. She bent down, "Mama needs a few minutes with Da herself. You stay here with us and Germain."
"Okay, Bree," Sam said.
Bree straightened and Roger chuckled, "Jamie Fraser is about to get his ears boxed. I would pay front row tickets to see that meself."
Bree laughed at Roger's gleeful reaction, "Should we get Lord John to stop her?"
"Stop her from doing what?" John said, approaching the two, with a plate of food in his hand. "Where did Eleanor go?"
"Eleanor is about to lay into Da for telling the kids that all Presbyterians are heretics," Bree said.
"Oh dear," John laughed hard, "No, I wouldn't dare stop my wife from doing what I would love to see myself."
"See what?" Claire came up to where they had gathered.
"Grandperre says Roger has hair ticks," Germain announced, proudly. "Auntie Ellie isna happy about it."
"Mama is verra upset," Sam said, seriously. "Roger Mac says Mama is goin to box Da's ears!"
Claire looked amused, "If only we had popcorn..." she said as Roger and Bree laughed harder, tears streaming down their faces.
"Your excellency," Eleanor shifted Hope on her hip as Governor Tryon beckoned her to approach, interrupting the conversation with him and Jamie. "How are you enjoying the festivities?"
"I am enjoying them indeed," he said, reaching out to smooth Hope's curls, "She is getting big, Lady John."
"She is," Eleanor smiled.
"I got a new dress," Hope said, proudly, smoothing it out again and fiddling with the ribbon. "Do you like it?"
"Hope," Eleanor put her finger to her lip, shushing her. "Mama is talking."
"Do not worry, Lady John, let the child talk, I'm not offended by it," Tryon smiled, amused, "Yes, my dear, I do think it is a very fetching dress indeed," he said, seriously to her.
"I want to throw flowers..." Hope told him seriously and then gave Jamie a grumpy look. "Hope big girl."
"That's enough, sweetheart," Eleanor said, quickly. She put her down. She pointed to where Mac was with William. "Go see William, Hope, darling. Tell him to help you find Papa for me." Hope toddled off.
"I do hope I am not interrupting anything," she said, watching Hope to make sure she got to William.
"No," Jamie said, "Governor Tryon was just congratulating me on Brianna's nuptials."
"Excellent," Eleanor smiled.
Tryon looked amused again, "Were you concerned?"
Eleanor couldn't hide her shock, "No, of course not, I did not think otherwise."
"I was told earlier, Colonel Fraser, that it would be unseemly to talk over the matters of the regulators and war on such a joyous day."
Jamie cleared his throat, "Were you?" he looked at Eleanor, frowning.
"I simply made an observation," Eleanor said, "I wouldn't dare to be so bold to council his excellency on such matters..." she said, smoothly. "As his excellency well knows."
Tryon laughed, "Surely not, Lady John. But I do like to tease you so. You are quite an easy target."
"She always has been," Jamie muttered.
Tryon laughed, "I will leave you to your business with Colonel Fraser, but I shall find you later. Perhaps the honor of a dance with you?"
She curtsied, "Of course, that would be a pleasure."
He extended his hand and Eleanor put hers in his. He kissed her hand before bowing and taking his leave.
Jamie grunted and then gripped her arm, "Come with me," he grunted. "I need to talk to ye."
"Good, because I need to talk to you too," Eleanor said, shrugging off his arm as they found a private spot away from the crowds. "And before you say what you were going to say, I said those words to Tryon for Bree's benefit because I'm sure she doesn't want to think about her father going to war on her wedding day."
"Ach," Jamie grunted, "Verra weel, lass. Thank ye fer that then."
"You're welcome. Now," she put her hand on her hip, "You need to go explain to your son and your grandson that you were jesting about Roger being a heretic," She held up her hand as Jamie began to look disgruntled with her...
"Now lass..."
"Do not, now lass me, James Fraser, because if he is one, then I am one...and I know it has been years, but there was once a time when you were ready to baptize your son in my faith, conceding that it wasn't that far from your own...so, I'm not done talking," Eleanor glared at him as he tried to get a word in edgewise. "unless in your advanced years, you have become a cranky old man, set in your ways which would explain alot..."
"Ye have quite a bit of grey hairs these days, Lady John..." Jamie grunted and she put her hand on his chest, pushing at him,
"And yet with my age, I think I have only become wiser...and more accepting of those who are different than me..." Eleanor said. "It's either that or you forgot...about the many conversations we had about the way we wanted to raise our children..."
"Was it wrong for me to ask for a proper priest to marry my daughter?" Jamie grumbled.
"They did not need a priest...or the ceremony to be conducted in Latin..."
"I dinnae say anything aboot Latin," Jamie interrupted.
"But you were thinking it, weren't you?" Eleanor challenged.
Jamie gave her a look, "Aye, maybe so."
Eleanor titled her head, "It doesn't need to be that way for their marriage to be honored by God...and surely their marriage will be, don't you think, Jamie?"
"Aye, of course," Jamie frowned. "I honestly dinnae mean to offend ye, Eleanor. I was more..."
"I know, you were trying to give Roger a hard time, which by the way...is not very nice," Eleanor told him, her hands back on her hip, "He's trying really hard to win your approval, but think of how lost I was when we first met. Have some patience with him. Take it from someone who knows, this is really hard to adjust..."
"But he didn't come back right away."
"No, he didn't, but..." Eleanor gave him a look, "Surely, you cannot fault him for that."
"Aye, I do."
"Really?" Eleanor titled her head again, "After all we went through together...can you really say that you should ever be the one to judge him for that? At least he wanted to be sure of it...which is kind of admirable to make sure he actually kept the vows he made to her instead to keep making them and then regret them later."
Jamie grunted, knowing her words were true. He had acted less than honorably towards Eleanor and had not treated her very well, all things considered.
"Verra weel. I acknowledge yer point. But tis my daughter's wedding day, do ye really have to take me to task today?"
She rubbed his arm, "Of course not." She leaned up on her toes to kiss Jamie's cheek, "But it was my gift to the groom."
She walked away to Jamie's howl of laughter.
"Where is Hope, Mac?" Eleanor asked, the next day.
"I dinna ken, mama," Mac said, frowning, "I was playin with my friends."
"You were supposed to be watching her," Eleanor said.
Jamie came up beside them, his hand on Mac's head. "What's the matter, Eleanor?"
"I can't find Hope," she said, looking around. She was trying to quell the panic that was rising up in here, but she felt it in her gut- something was wrong.
"She must be somewhere. She canna have wandered far," Jamie reasoned, his voice calm.
"Then she would have be in eyesight and she's not!" Eleanor retorted. "Fraser's Ridge is not safe for an almost two year old to be by herself- there are wild animals and so many woods- she could be lost for days and we never find her!"
The others gathered around at the sound of the distress in Eleanor's voice.
"What is wrong, Eleanor?" John asked.
"Hope is missing," Eleanor said.
"She canna have gone far, lassie. We will find her," Jamie said, his voice calm. His hand still rested on Mac's head, protectively. He was keenly aware that as Eleanor's distress was affecting their son, who looked as if he was fighting not to cry.
"Jamie is right, she cannot be far," John said, lightly touching her arm. "There are so many people around. You mustn't think the worst."
Eleanor's heart nearly panicked as she looked between Jamie and John. "She should be right here," she insisted, swallowing down the bile that was rising to her throat. She felt this feeling before, the day the children were kidnapped. "She is so little, she can get in so much trouble on her own."
"I know," John said, his voice just as calm as Jamie's. "But thinking the worst will only distract in our search, Eleanor."
"We'll split up and look for her," Brianna said, her hand touching Eleanor's, gripping her fingers lightly. "We'll find her, Ellie."
"She is probably hiding in some wee crevice," Roger said.
"That's right," Fergus said. "Hope loves to play hide and seek with the children."
"That's probably it. We'll split up and look fer the wee un," Jamie said, his eyes steady on her. "Eleanor, ye go with Lord John."
"You and Eleanor should go together," John suggested, his voice low. "You and Claire know the lay of the land better than either of us. Would you object to accompanying me?" he turned to Claire.
"Of course not, that's a smart idea," Claire said.
"Verra gut," Jamie put his hand on Mac's head, turning him around. "Ye come with me and yer mama."
John reached to grip Eleanor's hand. He pulled her into him, kissing her head gently. He leaned to whisper in her ear, "We are going to find her, my darling. You must calm your fear. The children, especially Mac, are watching you." His censure was gently given, but necessary to prevent all out hysterics from the children. And his gentle reminder reached to Eleanor. She had to pull it together for the children's sake.
"I'll try," Eleanor sniffed, nodding her head. "I love you." She leaned up to whisper those words in his ear. "She is our baby."
"I know," John said, "I am worried as well. And I love you too."
"Are ye ready, lass?" Jamie asked, his hand in Mac's.
She nodded and went to Jamie's side. He gave her a nod and small smile.
They spread out- when they exhausted all the tents that had been set up around the big house, they headed towards the woods. Jamie going with her through the towards the water, the others close behind.
Jamie turned his back to crouch down and talk with Mac. "Do ye remember the last place ye saw yer sister?"
"We were goin to see Fergus and Marsali," Mac said, "on the trail, but then my friends wanted to play so we turned around."
"Jamie, that's right next to the river," Eleanor said, panicked.
"I'm sure that Hope stayed on the path," Jamie said, calmly.
"She's two! She doesn't do anything sensible!" Eleanor retorted. She rushed forward, the sinking feeling threatening to overcome her. And it was then when she saw her- standing on the rocks by the river, which was rushing.
She stepped towards the bank. "Hope!"
"Mama." Hope's voice sang through the air, "I clime rock. Like Mat." It was Hope's name for her brother. She was once again trying to be like the older kids.
"Hope, stay there! The water is really high from all the rain! Don't worry. I'll come and get you, sweetheart. Just don't move!" But as Eleanor stepped closer, Hope slipped off the rock and fell into the water. The flow of the river began to take her downstream.
"Hope!" Eleanor screamed as she dove into the water, "Jamie, Jamie, I need you!" she screamed out to him, her dress sinking her down. She struggled to get to her child. "Hope, sweetheart! Jamie!"
Jamie heard her voice and bolted to join her in the water, he grabbed Hope who was bobbling in the water. John and Claire came at the sound of Jamie's holler, followed by Bree and Roger, who both grabbed the other children. "Let's go see Auntie," Roger said. He grabbed Sam, quickly bolstering him up in his arms and reached for Mac's hand, turning them around.
"Is Hope in the water?" Mac asked, trying to turn around and see.
Murtagh came out from between the trees. He firmly guided his godson away from the river bank. "Come, Mac. Ye dinna need to be here."
"Ye dinna need to be here either," Roger said. "Tryon is still here."
Murtagh shrugged, but he looked back to where Eleanor was in the water. "I made a vow not only to Ellen Fraser, but to Eleanor and Jamie as weel. Mac needs his godfather right now."
"Will Hope be okay, Murtagh?" Mac asked, frowning. "Is Mama goin to drown? She keeps goin under."
"I dinna ken, laddie. Yer Da is goin to do everything he can to help yer Mama and Hope. Come, Roger Mac is right. We need to see Auntie. There is nothin ye can do fer them."
"Is Mama goin to die?" Mac's lip trembled.
Bree picked up Rosie as she began to sob.
"Yer scarin yer sister, lad," Murtagh chided. "Yer Da has the situation in hand. Yer Papa is with him and Claire. Ye dinna need to fash until we ken somethin, laddie."
Tears filled Mac eyes. "I was supposed to be watchin her."
"I ken, lad," Murtagh said, "Let's go. We can talk aboot it with Auntie."
"Rosie sad," Rosie said, burying her head in Bree's shoulder. "I wanna Hope and Mama!"
"I know," Bree held her even tighter, "But Marsali said she had a surprise for you. Let's go see what it is," Bree said, quickly following Roger and Murtagh.
Ellie struggled to stay afloat, treading the water as a heavy weight was pulling her down and the water swirled around her. She couldn't feel the bottom and she knew she could easily go under.
"Eleanor!" John called for her, "Grab onto the branch there. I'm coming for you."
"John," Eleanor sunk down, struggling as she swallowed gulps of water. "I'm going to drown." she whispered, even though she knew John wouldn't be able to hear her.
"Don't panic, Eleanor," John called as he began wade into the water. "Jamie, can you get to her faster?"
Jamie looked over to her, his eyes wide as he saw Ellie struggling to swim against the rush of the water. But he was keenly aware of the limp child in his arms. Their eyes met, with the decision heavy upon him. Hope needed immediate help but Eleanor...she was clearly in danger.
Eleanor looked over at Jamie and then back at the sheet that was covering her. She chewed on her lip contemplatively, her face flushed. She almost could feel Jamie's eyes on her, but when she tried to sneak another peek, he wasn't looking at her. She lightly tapped the sheet that she had pulled up against her, trying to give her some modesty. Their love making had been so quick, intensely passionate and when it was over and Jamie slipped to his side of the bed, Eleanor was left with feeling achingly empty. And completely unsure of herself. She didn't know what had possessed her. They sat in awkward silence for a good long while, each trying to steal glances at each other.
The ship creaked and did a sudden roll and Eleanor was thrust against him. Instinctively, Jamie reached out his arm to protect her. She nearly jumped at his arm across her.
He made a Scottish guttural sound of disapproval at her skittish reaction to his touch. Unable to take the tense, awkward silence between them any longer, Eleanor slipped from out from under his arm to roll off the bed. She reached for her shift and pulled it over her and then to collect the garments that had been strewn over the floor of the cabin.
Realizing she was about to flee, Jamie broke the silence.
"Mo ghraidh," his voice was low. "I dinnae regret what just happened. Come back here and let us talk aboot it."
She shook her head, but didn't speak to him.
"Eleanor," Jamie's voice became strained. He was certain when he broke the silence, she would have responded. He was quiet for a few moments and Eleanor remained frozen, wanting to flee so badly, but shame froze her to the floor. Everyone would know. She heard the bed creak as Jamie reached for his breeches, shrugging them on. He sat back down on the bed his head in his hands. His heart tore at the knowledge that once again, he broke the heart of the woman he still loved.
They remained that way for what seemed like forever, when Jamie raised his head to say, firmly,
"Ye canna run from me, mo ghraidh. Not any longer. We must face all that has happened. You must heal from this as weel. Or we will never have peace in our family."
"I cannot," the words tumbled out before she could stop them. Her tone was absolutely panicked. She clung to her dress and suddenly her whole body began to shake with sobs. She wanted to run from him in the worst way. The past few months had broken her and making love to Jamie, being with him, instead of healing her, cracked her down to her very core. She had missed him desperately, his touch...his love for her. He connected with her soul in a way that no man ever had before and she loved him so.
The bed creaked and she could feel the floorboards moving. Jamie was next to her in an instant. His hand was on her shoulder, covering her hair that had come loose from its ribbon. But he made no move to force her around, sensing she need to do so herself, when she was ready.
"Turn around, mo ghraidh," he commanded, "Ye will look at me now."
It took her a full minute to get the courage to, but when she finally did, his expression never wavered, "I ken ye are scarrit. And I ken ye are uncertain. But I will not have ye ashamed. Do ye understand me?" He paused, searching her. "Will ye no talk to me?"
She remained silent and he pressed, "Will ye make me beg, Eleanor?" he reached to wipe her tears that were falling rapidly. "Mo ghraidh, please."
Eleanor swallowed hard, forcing herself to speak. "But I am ashamed," she said, "I am so weak, not to protect my heart from you...again and again, when will I ever learn?"
"Do ye not see the hold ye have on me, Eleanor?" Jamie asked, tipping her chin up. "Ye have as much of a command on my heart as I do on yers. Do ye not believe me?"
"No," She took a heaving breath. "How can I?"
"Fer one...I took ye to my bed just now."
"That's lust...not love," Eleanor said as she searched his eyes, "Did you like it?"
Jamie was dumbfounded, "Did I like it?" he repeated.
She sniffed hard, not bothering to shrug off his grip that was still on her chin, forcing her to remain her gaze on him, "Was I good enough for you?"
He stilled, "Gut enough? How can ye ask me such a thing?" He drew her in and kissed her softly, "It wasna lust, Eleanor."
"Then what was it? You were heartbroken over Claire so you took me to your bed. What is it?" she demanded, "if that is not lust, then I don't know what is."
"What was it?" Jamie gripped her hard and his next words were said with a fury, "Ye ken verra much what it tis. What it always tis, between ye and I. I love ye, Eleanor. I dinna stop because ye decided that ye and I were not marrit anymore."
"Don't," She pleaded.
"Truth aboot tonight is that ye reached into my soul and ye healed it...as ye do over and over again." He moved to lightly cup her face, "as ye always have. And I ken it was a considerable cost to yer own to save my soul again, mo ghraidh. And it only makes me love ye more."
Then he pulled her back to hold her tightly into his arms, "Cry yer tears now, lassie. Ye have been so brave these past months. I willna let ye go."
Eleanor felt herself crumbling in Jamie's arms. "I want it back to how it was," she sobbed into his shoulder. "I need you. I need you so badly. Everything feels so wrong."
"Aye, I ken," Jamie said, kissing her head as he continued to hold her tight.
"You made me promises, James Fraser, when I got stuck in this time. When we decided to have more babies. That we would face this life together...and I am so alone. Because your love for me was not as great or meaningful as your love for Claire. I want to be your soulmate. I wanted you to choose me, but I knew you weren't going to. It was so foolish of me."
"No, it wasna," Jamie said. "I ken yer heart verra weel. If any un was a fool, Eleanor, twas I. I dinnae ken what the solution would have been, but to let ye sacrifice yerself and our family fer me and Claire, tis unforgivable what I have done to ye and our wee uns."
"What if something has happened to our babies?" her words were a strangled sob. "What will we do?"
He pulled away and gripped her face, cradling it in his hands, "We will find them, Eleanor. I swear it to you. And if something has happened...ye and I will face it together as we always do...like I vowed that we would do together when we first learned we were expectin our first wee bairn."
"James..." she could taste the salt of her tears that were flooding her vision, running down her face, onto her lips. "I feel so empty without you. I am ashamed of what we did, but I am more ashamed by the fact that I was upset it was over so soon."
"Aye," Jamie chuckled at her blunt honesty, "I'm sorry fer it." He reached to wipe her tears, "That is my burden to bear, mo ghraidh. I was nearly mad with want fer ye...when ye stood up to me earlier, with such a fire within ye. But ye were pleased, were ye no?"
"Yes," Eleanor bit her lip, "I felt empty when it was over...in my heart."
"Aye, I ken yer meaning," He told her seriously and kissed her cheeks which were stained with her tears and then the saltiness of her lips and then reached to pick her up by the waist. "Then come and let me comfort ye again and we will take our time."
"But should we?" Eleanor asked, desperately. "Were we even good for each other? I am not your soul mate."
"What kind of foolishness are ye talking aboot?" Jamie asked her, frowning deeply. Then he looked determined and kissed her again, deeply, passionately. "Ye dinnae think we have the same passion, but ye are wrong aboot that. And I dinnae ken what a soul mate is, but I ken how I feel in my soul when it connects with yours."
"But if I feel your arms around me again...and you break my heart again, Jamie Fraser, I do not know if I will survive. If I go now, then I can try to forget we ever did this. It is better if it was lust than love."
Jamie frowned, "But we canna deny the truth..there is love between us, Ellie. And it will be so until the day I die. I never thought it possible to love another woman after Claire, but I willna deny that I do. And I never did deny my love fer ye, Ellie. I swear it to ye. I wouldna deny that I did."
"Did Claire understand?" Eleanor asked, searching his eyes.
"She ken it was a possibility when she returned," Jamie said, "Claire is verra practical. Come, let me hold ye and love ye."
She put her hand on his face, conflicted. "Very well...but..." her mouth curled into a mischievous smile, even though tears still streamed down her face, "Are you certain you are up to it?"
Jamie grinned, "I canna believe ye would doubt me in that regard." He took her hand, tugging her towards the bed, "Come, let me prove that my desire fer ye is still strong."
"I am a fool, James Fraser," Eleanor said, practically melting, "But...at least I will be a happy one."
Jamie threw back his head and laughed, "Ah, I did miss that humor of yers." He pushed her back onto the bed. "We will be happy fools together, mo ghraidh."
Ellie struggled as Jamie managed to balance Hope and get to her, "For God's sake, don't worry about me," Eleanor gasped, sputtering water. "Take her to shore."
"I am not letting ye drown, lassie," Jamie said, sternly, keeping her chin above water. "What is the matter?"
"I think my dress is caught in some rocks. It's pulling me down. I can't swim with it. And the water is too fast."
John swam out to them, "Let me have Hope."
Jamie handed the babe to him and John's face looked grim. "Take the bairn to shore," Jamie said. "I have a knife in my pocket. I can try to cut Eleanor loose."
"Wait," Eleanor reached out desperately for Hope's hand. "Is she breathing?" Ellie began to panic. "Hope!"
"Let John take the babe to Claire, Eleanor," Jamie said, "Go, John, I got Eleanor. I'm the stronger swimmer."
"Jamie!" Eleanor struggled to stay afloat, "I'm sinking. I'm going to drown."
"No, ye are not!" Jamie lifted her head above the water, "I got ye. Try to tilt yer head up. I'm goin under to see if I can free ye up."
"Wait," Eleanor struggled, "Is Hope alive?"
"I dinnae ken, she isna breathing," Jamie said.
"Eleanor!" John called, "Claire has Hope. She is safe. Just keep your head above water. I can come back for you."
"Tell him to stay with Hope," Eleanor said to Jamie. "She will need her Papa when she wakes up."
"Aye, that's right," Jamie said. He turned his head. "I got Ellie, John," Jamie yelled, "She wants ye to stay with the bairn. Keep yer head up, woman," Jamie shook her. "Or I will never forgive ye. I'm goin under now."
"Wait," Eleanor said, gripping him, "I lied to you before. I want you to know how sorry I am for it."
"Aboot what?" Jamie asked, his hand on her chin, forcing it up. "What did ye lie aboot, lass?"
"I said I didn't know. But Murtagh and I hadn't...not since the kids were taken. Hope is ours, Jamie. She has always been ours," She whispered, desperately, "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was just so angry with you...and hurt that you acted like nothing happened- like the time on the ship wasn't important."
"Aye, I broke more promises to ye that night and I am sorrit for it, lass. But to deny me my child...?" He titled his head. "We'll talk aboot it later. Ye must focus on the task ahead."
"But now it may be too late."
Jamie leaned to kiss her forehead, "Do ye remember my vow to ye?" he whispered, continuing to push her chin up, "No matter what we face with our wee uns, we'll do so together..."
"But we aren't together, James. I can't lose Hope. I can't bare this without you, even with John loving me the way he does."
"My wee besom," Jamie said, "ye canna get rid of me that easily. I will stand by yer side no matter what comes."
"I'm so sorry," Eleanor sobbed, "Please. Don't hate me."
"No," Jamie gripped her, "I have told ye before and I will tell ye again...ye will always be forgiven by me fer whatever ye do to wrong me...do ye hear me? When all is settled, I will have a few things to say on the matter. But the only reason I will ever consider hating ye is if ye dinna keep yer damn heid above this water. I willna forgive ye for that. Do ye hear, mo ghraidh? Now stop sobbin and save yer strength."
"I'll try." Eleanor said.
"Verra gut. Are ye ready fer me to let you go?"
Eleanor felt the weight of his words, "No, but I will let you."
His eyes searched hers. "Aye, I ken ye will. Ye always do. Heid up, ye hear? Ye will fight against this water and ye will not give up. Do ye hear me, Ellie?"
"I hear you."
Jamie went under and she felt her being pulled down, she gulped in some water, but attempted to breathe underneath it. In a panic she felt herself sinking further and John's yell. She surfaced and gasped back for air as she was being pulled back under. And in that moment, she felt that this was it. But then she remembered Jamie's words to her and she fought harder. But even as she did, the pull of the water was too great.
Her mind flashed back to the cave, her son at her breast, Jamie's around both of them. "I love ye, mo ghraidh." And a few years later in the middle of the night with three wee uns in their bed, them looking over at each other and grinning as they watched their wee uns sleep. But then the memories faded and she saw John...the way he looked at her, the way they laughed with each other. And she fought harder against the pull of the water.
But then, she felt herself being loosened and then Jamie's strong arms were around her as he hoisted her above water.
"Thank Christ," he murmured, as he swam with her to shore, against the pull of the river, pushing her up onto the bank. Eleanor began to heave and choke, Jamie's arms still around her.
"Get it out, lassie," he said as she vomited water up.
"How is she?" John asked Jamie as he looked over, his manner as steady as ever, but his shoulders were stiff and his face pale. Between his wife and his daughter, he was shaken to the core.
"She'll be fine," Jamie said. "Say something to John, lassie, so he kens ye are weel."
"I'm okay. Damn dresses," She took a long breath, still shaking in Jamie's arms. "I liked this one too."
John let out a long breath, "I will buy you ten more to replace it, Eleanor," he called to her.
She closed her eyes, still heaving, exhausted. Her mind was so disoriented right now.
"Ye did weel. Ye have such fight in ye," Jamie kissed the side of her head and then for a moment, he tucked his face into her shoulder, allowing him a moment of reprieve, comfort knowing Ellie was safe. But that comfort was short lived.
Eleanor was still sorting out the events in her mind, it muddled from her scare in the water. And suddenly the panic overtook her once again when she realized why she was in the water to begin with.
"Where is Hope?" Eleanor asked as her eyes traveled to where John was crouched beside Claire and her heart nearly stopped.
"Hope!" Eleanor gasped as Jamie picked her up, wet clothes and all, and dragged her to where Hope was.
Claire was performing CPR and Eleanor looked to Jamie, desperately, "We cannot lose her! Jesus, no!" Eleanor sobbed. "She was only in there for a minute. We got to her so quickly. She has to be okay."
"Shh, mo ghraidh," Jamie hushed her as she was shivering and shaking in his arms.
John looked stricken as he reached out to grip her hand, Jamie's arms still around Eleanor.
"Jamie," Claire's voice shook, "It's been a while. I do not think..."
Eleanor grew very still. "Jamie?" her voice sounded far off. John's hand squeezed hers harder.
"No!" Jamie said, shaking his head in the manner he did when he became determinedly resolute, refusing to accept an outcome. He untangled himself from Eleanor, pushing her towards John. "Tell me how to do what ye are doin to her.."
Jamie took over CPR for Eleanor, speaking Gaelic while doing it until there was a moment when Jamie turned to meet her eyes and Eleanor's eyes widened in sheer panic.
"Come on, Hope, leannan! Ye willna die on me now!" Jamie gave a few vigorous thrusts and when they thought all Hope was lost, Hope sputtered.
"Thank God," Eleanor sobbed.
"Roll her over," Clare said, "onto her side." Hope vomited up water. "We must get her warm as well." She turned to Eleanor, "You need to go change, Ellie. Or you will be no good to any of us if you get pneumonia."
"Where are the children?" Eleanor heaved, struggling to catch her breath.
Fergus stepped forward, "Mac is with Murtagh and Mistress Cameron, mi lady. Marsali is helping Brianna with Sam and Rosie."
"Thank you, Fergus. Please make sure they don't see any of this," Eleanor began to sob, the thought of her children so frightened for their sister. "Just keep them away...occupied. And please thank them for us."
"Of course, Eleanor."
Jamie took Hope carefully into his arms. "Come with me, leannan. Eleanor, Claire is right. Ye need to change. I'll do the same. And Lord John."
"I should be with her," Eleanor said. "I can't leave her. She is going to slip away from me just like the others did."
Claire exchanged a concerned look with John, who both knew that Eleanor was unraveling.
"I need to hold her for a moment," Eleanor whispered.
"Aye," Jamie nodded, kneeling beside Eleanor and gently putting Hope into her arms. Eleanor rocked her and leaned down to kiss Hope's wet curls. Her hand was on Hope's chest feeling the rise of fall of it.
"Please wake up, darling," Eleanor whispered, looking at her child. John's arm went around Eleanor.
"Eleanor, look at me, lass," Jamie's eyes met hers, holding her gaze in his, "We'll take gut care of the wee un while ye change. Claire is the best un to do that now."
"She needs to be held," Eleanor said, her lip trembling. "She can't be put down on that big bed in your surgery. She has to know she is loved."
"Dinna fash. I will hold her, Eleanor," Jamie said. "After I change until ye come and hold her yerself."
"I'll hold her while Jamie changes," Claire said. "We will not put her down, Eleanor. I promise you."
"The children…"
"Our wee uns are bein takin care of by their family," Jamie said, "who love them just as much we do. Dinna fash over them." He put out his hands, "Let me take the bairn, lass."
She leaned to kiss Hope and then gave Hope to Jamie, who carefully rose with her. They left them, John and Eleanor sitting on the bank.
As Jamie passed Fergus, "Stay with Ellie and make sure she is weel and that she nor Lord John need anything."
"Aye, mi Lord. I would not leave mi lady right now," Fergus said.
"I ken ye wouldna," Jamie said, seriously, stopping to put a hand on Fergus's shoulder.
Eleanor buried her head and sobbed into John's knees as Jamie carried Hope to the big house, followed by Claire. Fergus stood off to the side, but keeping watch over Eleanor. She and John sat like that for a good twenty minutes, both unable to propel themselves to move from the spot.
Roger came and whispered to Fergus who shook his head. John looked over to them, "What is it?" he asked.
They approached them. Fergus cleared his throat. "Mi Lord wishes to know if you have baptized Hope."
"Does Claire think she won't wake up?" Eleanor lifted her head, her eyes wide.
"No," Roger shook his head, "Jamie wishes it more as a precaution, I think."
John gripped Eleanor's hand, "Things were so uncertain around the time of Hope's birth."
Eleanor closed her eyes, struggling, "Oh God. We are going to lose her."
"We don't know that," John said, his voice gentle. "You cannot let yourself give into despair and be paralyzed by fear. She is alive and she is breathing and we have to hope that she will wake."
"Aye, Lord John is right," Roger said. "And you must take care fer when she does, Ellie. Ye need to get out of your wet clothes. You are shivering so much that yer teeth are rattling."
"Yes," John said. "Tell Jamie we have not baptized Hope." He put his hand on the shoulder of his wife. "Eleanor," John murmured, "I'm going to pick you up now and take you to our tent."
"I can walk," Eleanor said, but she was still shaking uncontrollably.
"No, darling, let me attend to you," he gently lifted her into his arms, "I have you now."
"I told him," Eleanor whispered. "That's what this is about."
"I knew you did," John said, "There was a change to him, a protectiveness that Jamie reserves for his family."
"I thought we were going to lose her, we could still...what if she doesn't wake up?" Eleanor's voice shook, "John, I feel like I am drowning again, I cannot catch my breath." John's heart stilled at the sheer panic he saw in her eyes. And he knew in that moment that his instincts to lead Eleanor with gentleness would not pull her out of this. And he could not force himself to be harsh with her- not when their daughter lied unconscious. But he also knew that there was a man who could speak the words necessary to help calm his wife.
John gave Fergus a look as he passed him with her, "Tell Jamie that Eleanor needs him," he said, his tone even, "We'll be in our tent."
"Of course, Lord John," Fergus nodded, his eyes clouded with concern.
John carried Eleanor to his tent, sitting her down, sopping onto the bed.
"I need you to breathe," John put his hand on her back, "You must calm yourself, Eleanor."
She struggled, gasping. "I'm trying. Oh God, help me. I can't."
Jamie entered a few minutes later, "Eleanor," he knelt down, "Claire sent this. Breathe into the bag."
"I cannot," She gasped for air. Jamie shoved her head into the bag, "For Christ's sake, breathe!" He snapped at her, a command that Eleanor obeyed immediately. When she stopped hyperventilating, Jamie reached up to gasp her chin, forcing her to look at him. John had stepped back, but still hovered over the two of them.
"Ye will get yerself under control, Eleanor. Our wee uns need ye strong and as brave as ye were when ye jumped into that water after Hope with no a thought except to get to our bairn." He shook her hard. "Ye canna panic on me right now. Ye can later...as much as ye wish, but fer now, ye will gather yer strength. I canna face our children without ye by my side, do ye hear? They need both of us."
"What if she doesn't wake up?" Eleanor asked, despairingly. "She is your last baby. I ruined that for you."
"Ye dinna ruin it for me," Jamie titled his head at her, his chin quirked up like he was so apt to do when he was determined with meeting the task ahead, "I will have years to be Hope's father, Eleanor. And I will be her Da now. The lassie will wake up and ye will be there fer when she does." He straightened, "We will hold onto hope because that is what ye named her for, is it no?"
Eleanor wondered at the irony, even through her despair, "It is indeed. But I am struggling to believe it."
"I ken ye are," Jamie said, his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it, "But ye must try not to lose yer faith Eleanor."
She nodded.
"Now, ye will allow Lord John to help change ye. And then ye will come to see Hope. Then we'll talk to our bairns and let them ken what is happenin. They must be so afraid fer their sister. Ye canna...ye willna go into hysterics on me. Ye must be calm so the bairns will be calm."
Eleanor bit her lip, "Okay."
"Verra gut," he kissed her head, and then leaned forward to give her a long hug. "Ye are strong and ye are brave, mo ghraidh. And ye are the best mama to our bairns...all four of them."
"I shouldn't have left her with Mac," she whispered. "He is usually so responsible and I thought that Willie would be with him. I just needed five minutes to myself. I had to use the privy and Mac was standing right there. I thought it would be okay. I didn't know they were on the way to the path and that Mac would get distracted. It's so not like him."
"And if ye are feelin that guilt, imagine what our lad feels," Jamie said. "But tis not yer fault, lass. Ye canna thrash yerself fer it. Ye can step away from time to time. Ye canna hover over the bairns every wee minute. But...we have to be able to trust the older uns with the wee uns. But we will address that later. I made ye a promise and I will keep it. I am here with ye...I love ye, mo ghraidh. Dinnae forget it."
"I love you, too," she whispered to him.
"Verra gut," He stood and then bowed slightly, "Lady John."
He left them and suddenly Eleanor was aware of how thick the air was between her and John. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Hope...is just as much your daughter as Jamie's. And my heart also belongs to you, John."
"I know that well, dearest," John's shoulders relaxed. "No, I'm sorry. I had a moment watching you and Jamie...knowing he could reach into your soul in this moment in a way that I cannot...because we do not share a child."
"But we do," Eleanor said, "I mean what I just said. Hope is ours just as she is Jamie's. And I know that your heart is broken just as much as ours is."
"Yes, it wasn't my finest moment. My heart is torn with worry over Hope as well and I am not reacting in the way that honors what we have betwixt us. And in the moment, I couldn't force myself to use harshness to reach you, not when as you said, my heart is broken as much as yours is."
"John Grey, you are the best man I know," Eleanor launched herself at him, "I thought I was going to die in that water and there was a moment that memories flashed before me...and yes, I did remember Jamie and the love he and I shared, the family we have together, but I also thought about you...the way we laugh, the way you know my heart as well as I do. I promise...we'll all get through this...some how, some way. And I won't lose it on you again."
"I know you won't, darling," John said, holding her tight.
"The truth of the matter is...I need both you and Jamie to get through this because as you said, you both speak to me in different ways."
"And you have both of us, my darling, Eleanor," John kissed her, softly, "I feared the worse when I saw you go under...And Hope...I love that little girl as if she was my own flesh and blood."
"I know you do," Eleanor said, "And she loves her Papa so much. As do I. Desperately so."
"I'm grateful for it," John whispered, his face pale. "Let me change you, sweetheart, so we can get back to our daughter. You are shivering still."
She nodded and let John tenderly undress her, dry her off and dress her back. She sat on the bed, while she watched John change his clothes. And when they were both dry, they sat with each other for a moment, his arms tightly around her, trying to draw strength from one another.
"Are you ready, my love?" John asked, gently.
Eleanor nodded and then hand in hand, they left their tent and made their way to the Big House...to face whatever more would come that day...together.