A/N: Thank you all for all the lovely reviews! I would LOVE to know what you think of this chapter- lots of emotions wrapped in it. Hope everyone is staying well!
Eleanor sat down in the rocking chair as Jamie stood with Hope in his arms, a white crocheted blanket wrapped around her.
"Here ye are, Eleanor," Jamie said, his voice low as he tenderly put Hope into Eleanor's arms. He briefly rested his hand on Hope's head, rubbing it gently.
Eleanor cuddled her baby against her, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. She reached for her hand, kissing it and then cradling in both of hers. "Oh Hope," she shuddered. "my sweet, lovely baby. You were a miracle to begin with...and now, I fear we need a miracle again. God help us," She closed her eyes, praying hard, kissing her head again, her hand still cradling Hope's. "My sweet baby."
When she opened her eyes, she looked tortured. "I should have never weaned her, I was so conflicted about it. I should have trusted my instincts," she said, softly, "I could have still given her nourishment. She would always feed while she was asleep. It was her comfort. Maybe that would have helped her."
"You can't look back, my darling," John said, quietly, stepping around Jamie to put a hand on Eleanor's shoulder, squeezing it. "Only forward."
She swallowed down the lump in her throat, "You're right." She reached one of her hands to reach back and grip John's hand, which was still resting on her shoulder. She let out her breath, feeling John's steady strength bolstering her. In spite of her feelings for Jamie that she could not shake, she did love him so and was so enormously grateful for his steadiness and gentle manner, which guided her so beautifully to acclimating to this life, who made her want to become a better mother and wife...all doing so without damaging her pride and stifling her 21st century spirit.
"Do ye need anythin, lass?" Jamie asked. "I figured ye and I would talk to the bairns after ye had some time with Hope."
Eleanor nodded, "I know we have to do that soon. I'm just overwhelmed by the thought of navigating their emotions when my own are so weary."
"I am dreadin it too," Jamie admitted. "But tis our responsibility as their parents."
"I know," Eleanor squeezed John's hand one more time before dropping it to shift Hope to rest more against her chest and then rub her back. "Do we know where William is?" she asked. "I haven't seen him."
"Aye, he came by a few minutes ago. He is with Claire."
Eleanor looked to John, her eyes worried, "Did he see Hope?"
"Claire ushered him away before he could get a gut look," Jamie said, "I figured ye and Lord John wanted to talk to him."
Eleanor let out her breath and looked to John, whose eyes were troubled.
"Yes, we do," John said, evenly, "Thank you, Jamie."
"Aye," Jamie nodded.
"Where is Claire?" John asked, still at Eleanor's side.
"In the kitchen. Making tea fer Eleanor and feeding William some cookies," Jamie said, "She is worried about yer swim in the river."
"She always thinks of everything," Eleanor murmured. "I just don't know why she hasn't woken up yet...and what if she does...and...she isn't Hope?"
Jamie looked stricken. "We canna think of it."
"I guarantee Claire has told you that is a possibility."
"Aye, but..." Jamie's features turned stormy, and Eleanor sensed the highlander in him was ready to battle for his daughter.
"Jamie, I know you want to fight for her...but if God doesn't give us our miracle...then..." She bit her lip, and look to John for help. "We must accept it." She sniffed. "We have to prepare ourselves to the worst."
"Ye canna give up on her!" Jamie said, adamantly as Eleanor's gaze turned back to him. "I willna let ye. She has to believe ye will fight fer her so she will fight fer herself."
"Jamie! I will never give up on her!" Eleanor said, her voice filled with passion and conviction, "But the children, especially Mac and William, need us to be honest with them. You always told me that we would strive to be honest with our babies," She turned to John again, "John, please." She pleaded. She didn't know exactly what she was pleading for but needed John to intervene.
"Sweetheart," he whispered, his traveling between hers and Jamie's, "we have to hold tight to that hope that she will wake up and she will be the same precocious little girl that we all love."
"I know, John," Ellie said, softly, "But we also have to be realistic. She wasn't breathing for a while. I'm praying hard that we will get the miracle, but if we don't..."
"I refuse to believe, Eleanor, that after all you went through to give birth to Hope and the very fact that she was conceived to begin with, that this is the way her life will end..." John said.
"John is right," Jamie said, firmly, his eyes meeting hers, "her life was a miracle from the verra beginning. And I dinnae want to believe that this is the way it ends."
"But this time is full of tragedy..." Eleanor said. "You know that the most of all people."
"Aye, but it doesna mean that this is one of those times," Jamie said, firmly as John met Jamie's eyes, John's hand protectively on Eleanor's shoulder. "She has a lot of fight in that wee body of hers. Dinnae underestimate her, lassie."
She gave him a small smile, "Because her father is a warrior?" she asked, quietly.
"Nah, because her mother is one..." Jamie said, a small smile back.
Eleanor's heart filled with so many different emotions at Jamie's sweet words. John looked between the two of them. "I am going to go get William if that is agreeable to both of you. I don't disagree with you. We must prepare the children the best we can of the severity of Hope's condition."
Eleanor nodded. "Yes, we need to tell him as soon as possible before he hears from someone else." She looked to Jamie, "Actually," she looked reluctant, "Jamie, can you hold Hope for a bit while John and I talk to William? I want to prepare him because he is going to want to see her."
"Aye, of course," Jamie said as Eleanor rose and carefully handed Hope to him. "Lass?"
"Yes?" Eleanor asked.
"Thank ye fer takin such gut care of William. It means so verra much fer me to have ye love him the way ye do," Jamie said, quietly.
"William is easy to love," Eleanor said, sweetly, giving Hope a kiss on the head. She rubbed it, gently. "I have to go talk to your brother. But Mama will be right back to hold you more, Hope, sweetheart. I promise."
She gave her one more kiss before going with John, his arm draped around her shoulder.
"Thank you for making me some tea, Claire," Eleanor said as she helped her with the steeping.
"Of course," Claire said, looking at her and John and William. "I'll go find Jamie. Drink the whole cup, Ellie. Doctor's orders."
"Yes, ma'am," Eleanor said, fiddling around in the kitchen with her tea. "Do you want any, John?" she asked, him.
John nodded and the slid to sit beside William on the bench. Eleanor handed John a cup of tea and herself one. She sat across from them, her hands wrapped around the hot cup.
"Eleanor and I have to tell you something that happened this morning," John said, gently, "And I fear you will find it distressing, as Mama and I both do."
William frowned, "What happened?"
Eleanor took a sip of her tea and then put it down, her throat strained in pain as she tried not to cry.
John put a hand on his son's arm, "Hope fell into the river. Eleanor and Mister Fraser tied to get to her as fast as they could, but she stopped breathing for a while."
The cookie William was holding slipped out of his hand, "Is she...she isn't...Hope is..." he paused, "Papa?"
Eleanor stood and went over to pour William a glass of water, taking the time to compose herself.
"She is breathing, but she hasn't awoken...and we are unsure if she will," John said, quietly. "We must prepare ourselves for the worst, but as always hope for the best."
William looked at Eleanor's back and her slumped shoulders. He stood and went to her.
Lord John watched with tears in his eyes and William gently turned Eleanor around and pulled her into a hug.
"I'm so very sorry, Mama," his lip quivered under the weight of his emotion.
Eleanor held William tight, and then kissed his head. "I know, darling. I know you love her just as we do. You were there for the very beginning and you are the best big brother she could ask for."
"I love you too, you know," William said, quietly. "Very much."
Her heart overflowing, she put her hand on his cheek, "I know you do. As do I. So much. Marrying your Papa has brought me so much joy because it meant that we could all be a family and I wouldn't trade that for the world." She smiled at him, smoothing down his hair.
"May I hold Hope while you drink your tea?" William said. "I wish to help."
"I think you holding Hope will be just what she needs- to hear your voice and to know you love her," Eleanor said, nodding. She pulled William into her embrace again, looking over him to meet John's eyes.
"I love you," she mouthed.
"I love you too," he murmured back.
"Lord John," Tryon came up the steps of the Big House to where John was leaning against the porch railing. "I'm sorry I did not come sooner. I just was apprised of the situation. How is Lady John faring?"
"She is understandably shaken," John said, quietly, "and devastated. But trying to be brave and not giving into despair. Going in between hoping for the best and being realistic that hoping for the best might not be a rational endeavor."
"That dear child," Tryon said, "What an awful ordeal for everyone."
"Indeed," John said.
"Is Lady John inside? May I see her?" Tryon asked.
"Of course, I'm sure she would welcome it," John said.
He led Tryon into the Big House and into the room where Eleanor was rocking Hope. Claire, Jamie and Jocasta were with her.
"Governor Tryon," Eleanor looked up, surprised. She tried to rise, but Tryon waved her off.
"No, you must stay where you are," Tryon said, "Hope looks very comfortable in her mother's arms."
"Thank you," She nodded.
"You're welcome. Mistress Fraser. Mistress Cameron. Colonel Fraser," He greeted them with a nod. He took a nearby chair and sat down next to her, "Is there anything I can do for Hope or for you? Name it. I wish to do something...anything."
Eleanor's eyes filled with tears, "Thank you, that is very kind of you, but I think all we can do is wait at this point...she'll either wake up...or she won't."
"I'm so very sorry, dear Lady John, that you have to endure this," he said in a low voice.
"That means much, your excellency. I thank you for your kindness."
"Of course. I will ask Lord John to keep me apprised. And if there is anything you think that you might need, please send word."
"Are you leaving?" Eleanor asked, looking past him at Jamie.
"As soon as I..." he turned to glance at Jamie, "talk to Colonel Fraser. I'm sorry. I know this is such an inopportune time. The children must be worried about their sister."
"It is," She raised her chin and replied evenly, "but of course, the business of North Carolina cannot be affected by personal matters."
"And yet you willingly tried to divert my attention yesterday..." Tryon mused. "If you believed that to be true..."
"Well," Eleanor gave him a small smile, "that was for Mistress Mackenzie's benefit...as for my own, I do not ask you to refrain. You must do as you must. And so must Colonel Fraser."
"That is very practical of you, Lady John," Tryon said. "And exceedingly brave, considering the circumstances."
She gave him a smile and then looked to John, "I'm trying to be, but thank goodness I have Lord John to be so steady with me when my bravery fails me."
"Of course," Tryon gave John a smile, "He is the best friend to have."
"Indeed he is," Eleanor said, rubbing Hope's back. "In good times and bad."
"Take care of yourself, Lady John," Tryon reached out to lightly touch her arm, "I shall keep you in my prayers. And I look forward to the day I see you again...all of you, including young Hope."
She forced a smile, "Thank you, your excellency. I look forward to that as well."
Tryon rose and gave a slight bow before inclining his head to Jamie. "Colonel Fraser."
"Aye," Jamie nodded, looking at Claire briefly and then at Eleanor. His eyes held hers for a long minute before turning to follow Tryon, John's hand coming out and patting his arm as he passed him.
Eleanor closed her eyes tightly, "Oh God."
Claire looked at John and then came to sit next to Eleanor. She put a hand on her arm, holding it, comfortingly, "Jamie is a solider, Eleanor. And a good one at that. Do not fear for him."
"I dinnae think she only fears fer him," Jocosta said. "But also fer her lad's godfather."
"Mac needs his godfather now more than ever..." Eleanor said, softly. "What an awful mess."
"Excuse me," John said, "I'm going to go check on William. You will be well, won't you, dear?"
"Of course, I know William is upset," Eleanor said, as John leaned down to kiss her head and then rub Hope's head, before slipping out.
"Governor Tryon is verra attentive to ye, Ellie," Jocasta said.
"Yes, I suppose," Eleanor glanced at Claire.
"I wonder how Mistress Tryon feels aboot that," Jo mused.
"I think he misses her. She has been away to England for a while," Ellie responded, kissing the top of Hope's head.
"Aye, that must be it," Jo said, "Tread carefully, Eleanor."
"Believe me, I will," Eleanor said, looking down at Hope.
Eleanor stopped in her tracks as she heard the guitar playing and the Roger and the children singing Jesus Loves Me, the music filling the air.
Jamie's hand shot out to grab hers, holding it tight in his. They stood there, listening to the music, letting it wash over them.
"What are ye singin to the bairn, mo ghraidh?" Jamie asked, with a kiss on her lips and then on Mac's head as Eleanor rocked Mac, who was fussing.
"I suppose it hasn't been written yet," she said, softly, "But children in church sing it in my time. I would sing it every night over Charlotte and Harry as I rocked them to sleep."
"Will ye teach it to me so I can sing it with ye to the bairn?" Jamie asked, reaching for her hand, pulling her up and leading her to the bed.
She sat on the bed with Jamie as he leaned against the headboard and engulfed her and Mac in his arms, holding them both. Eleanor turned their son and planted him on her knees so he could see them. He stopped fussing to stare at his parents.
"Okay, are you ready, Mac? Let's teach Da our song." Eleanor began singing to Mac, Mac staring at her wide eyed. Jamie began to join in for the second round and Mac broke out into a grin.
"He smiled!" Eleanor turned her head to look at Jamie. "A real, legitimate smile."
"Aye," Jamie laughed, "I canna sing, but apparently the bairn no minds."
"Of course he doesn't mind," Eleanor said, "And...you make me smile too, so I can't say I blame him."
"Do I now?" Jamie gently shifted her so he could stand. Leaning over the bed, he kissed Mac's head. "Come, leannan, to yer cradle. I wish to make yer Mama smile some more."
Eleanor squeezed Jamie's hand in hers. "Do you remember the first time we sung this to Mac together?"
"Aye, of course, I do. I remember everythin about the time we had together raisin our bairns together. Twas a verra special time of my life."
"Are you ready to do this?" she asked him, quietly.
"Aye," Jamie didn't let go of her hand as he knocked on Bree and Roger's cabin door and pushed it open.
"Da! Mama!" The kids ran to them and Jamie scooped up Mac and Rosie as Eleanor picked up Sam.
"I trust they were well behaved," Eleanor said as she sat down with Sam.
"Aye, good as gold," Roger responded. "They love to sing."
Eleanor smiled, "Yes, they do."
"Can we sing favorite things next Mama?" Sam asked, his arms around her, kissing her cheek.
"I dinna ken that one, laddie," Roger said, reaching over to pat his head.
Eleanor looked between Bree and Roger, "You might have about ten years later."
"Will ye sing it fer us, Mama?" Mac asked.
Eleanor looked at Jamie who nodded.
"Only if you sing it with me," She said. "Are we ready?"
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...
They sung through the song together.
"What are some of yer favorite things, Da?" Sam asked, from Ellie's lap.
"Weel, that would be all my wee uns," Jamie said. "When I am sad, I think on ye."
Eleanor sniffed hard.
"Can we sing one more song, Mama?" Sam said.
"One more," Eleanor said, looking at Roger, "If Roger Mac will help."
"What do you want to sing, Eleanor?" Roger asked.
"Amazing Grace."
"Do ye ken that un?" Jamie asked.
"Aye, I ken that one," Roger said, picking up his guitar again.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me...
Eleanor closed her eyes and sung that song along with Roger, letting her heart be filled by the music and the peace it brought. The tears began to flow and she looked to Jamie, who reached across to wipe them away.
And when the song ended, Eleanor reached out to rub Mac's head and Rosie's and hold Sam tight. "Da and I have talk to you all about Hope."
"What is wrong with Hope?" Sam asked.
"When she went into the water, she stopped breathing," Eleanor said, "Even though Da and I tried to get to her as quickly as possible...and..." Eleanor's voice cracked, "she hasn't woken up yet..."
"Will she wake up?" Mac asked, his eyes wide.
"Sweetheart, we just don't know," Eleanor said, calmly.
Mac slid off of Jamie's lap. "It is all my fault!" he yelled, running out of the cabin.
Eleanor looked at Jamie, who let out a long breath and then stood quickly to follow his son. Brianna opened her arms for Rosie, who came running into her sister's arms. Eleanor gave Sam a kiss on the head, "Will you go and see Roger Mac for a bit? Help with Jemmy?"
"Aye, Mama," Sam said, sensing that he needed to behave. "Will Hope be okay?"
"I really pray so," Eleanor said, "We have to pray for her, okay, Sam. Pray really hard."
"Aye, I will, Mama," Sam said.
Eleanor hugged him tightly, "You are such a good boy, Samuel John. I love you."
"I love you too, Mama," Sam gave her a peck on the lips.
Eleanor sniffed hard again and then went to kneel beside Bree. "Rosie, you are going to stay with your sissy for a while, okay?"
Rosie nodded, her thumb in her mouth. Eleanor leaned over and Rosie gave her a hug. "I love you, Rosie."
"I miss sissy," Rosie said.
"My sweet baby girl, I know you do," Eleanor said.
"We'll all pray for Hope," Brianna said.
"Thank you," Eleanor rose. "truly."
"Of course," Roger nodded, his arm around Sam. "Ye dinna have to thank us, Ellie."
"I know, but thank you anyway." She reached for her shawl which had fallen when Mac ran out. She flung it around her, "I am going to find Jamie and Mac."
She didn't have to go far to see Jamie's arms engulfing her son, trapping him towards the ground as Mac flailed and sobbed against him. Jamie was murmuring to him in Gaelic, his voice tender. Eleanor stepped back, watching Jamie with their son, not wanting to interrupt...sensing that Mac needed Jamie at the moment more than he needed her.
"I should have been a better brother. Tis all my fault. She is goin to die and I will have killed her."
Jamie rocked him more, "No, that isna true, James."
"Tis verra true," Mac cried, "I should have watched her. I meant to watch her."
"We ken that."
"I wish it was me," Mac sobbed.
"No, we wouldna wish it to be ye," Jamie said, firmly, "And ye mustn't either."
"I wish ye would beat me...I'd deserve it."
"Aye, maybe that is true," Jamie said, seriously, "But tell me," Jamie firmly put a hand underneath Mac's chin, pulling it up, "Were you choosing to disobey Mama when she asked ye to watch Hope?"
"No," Mac said, "I thought she was with me."
Jamie nodded, his hand still firmly holding Mac's chin so he would look at him, "Beating ye isna going to make ye feel better, lad. And it would only break my own heart to do so. If it is deserved, I will...and I'm sure there will be a time when I will...even in spite of the grief yer mama will surely give me for it. But tis not the occasion fer it. Flogging yerself over this, James, it isna goin to make Hope wake up. We can only learn from here...and pray fer yer sister." Jamie let go over his chin and then opened up his arms again, "Come to me...I'm goin to hold ye until the pain can go away some, because perhaps if I bear it with ye, then ye can bear it better..." Mac crawled into Jamie's arms and Jamie held him tightly against him. "That's my gut lad."
"Did ye ken the first time I ever saw ye, James Mackenzie, I loved ye? Nah, that isna true, I loved ye even when ye were a wee bean sproutin in yer mama's belly. And I never thought that I'd be a father-I couldna be one to Brianna and then yer Mama came along and she opened up her big bonny heart to me and loved me so fiercely and gave me ye...she and I were both hurtin in our hearts, but ye were the gift that healed us...ye and Sam and Rosie..." Jamie paused, "And yer sister Hope."
"Da?" Mac sniffed against him, "Do ye ever wish we could be a family again? Ye and Mama and all of us?"
Eleanor leaned against a nearby tree, closing her eyes, tears threatening to erupt. She covered her mouth as she began to sob, trying to stifle the sounds so Jamie and Mac wouldn't hear her.
Jamie let out a long breath, "Tis all verra complicated ye ken. I love Claire and Brianna and the family I have with them, just as Mama loves Lord John and the family she is makin with him...but aye, I canna say that I havena thought about how I would do things differently. Ye see, James, we all have regrets in this life...things we shall have to atone for...and yer mama is surely one of them."
"Like I'll have to atone fer Hope?" Mac asked.
"Aye, maybe so," Jamie gripped him harder, "But we pray that God heals Hope and gives her the long life she deserves and yer mama and I desire fer her."
"And what aboot Mama?" Mac asked, with a wisdom beyond his years.
Jamie kissed Mac's head, "I dinnae ken. I pray that one day...in time...she'll forgive me...and I'll forgive meself."
They sat in quiet for another few minutes before Mac calmed down and Jamie quietly asked if he felt he could go join the others.
"Aye," Mac said.
"Then off ye go. I am goin to stay out here fer a moment longer," Jamie said. "I'll check on ye wee uns later tonight before bed. I love ye."
Mac gave him another hug, "I love ye too, Da."
Mac ran off seeing Eleanor, who put a finger to her lips and opened her arm for Mac. She hugged him and gave him a kiss on the head before shooing him off, back to the cabin.
She leaned against the tree, still watching Jamie, who was still in the dirt, his back facing away from her.
"Mo ghraidh," he asked, his voice quiet, his hands coming to rest on his knees.
Eleanor's heart twisted. "Yes, James?"
"How long have ye been standing there?"
"A while," she confessed.
"Aye," Jamie crouched over, his head to the ground. "I need to make a confession to ye if ye will hear it."
"What is it?" Eleanor said, her voice soft as she wiped her tears.
"I ken aboot Hope. Even if ye denied it, I ken she was mine...in my heart...from the moment, I set my eyes on her. I ken she was our daughter," Jamie's voice caught into a sob, "And I denied her."
Eleanor's heart ached at the sight of Jamie, who was so larger than life, shattered into tears. She had never really seen him cry like this and it broke her to see him broken. He began to sob and Eleanor pushed herself away from the tree to sit in the dirt next to Jamie.
"Jamie, no," She put her hand on his back, rubbing it. "Please don't. I can't see you cry like this. It breaks my heart."
"I am a horrible man, Eleanor. What I did to ye."
"Oh, God, no...our love has been one of the biggest blessings of my life," Eleanor said, "And it has given me four wonderful blessings that stemmed from it."
Jamie moved her head to bury it in her knees as Eleanor rubbed his head, like she would have done one of their wee uns.
"Will ye no ever forgive me?"
"I do forgive you, Jamie. I always have...maybe some days more than others...it is a struggle...but my biggest struggle is not being able to forgive you...it's not being able to stop loving you. And knowing that I have a marriage with a man that I do love and admire so much...but my heart will always be pulled in your direction. Sometimes it is a gentle pull and other times like today, it's a giant yank...and try as I might, I am helpless to stop it from occurring...how can I be-when we share so much together?"
"Aye, I ken how ye feel fer I feel the same way. I canna stop either," Jamie raised his head to look at her. "I am sorry, lass...fer it all."
"I know," she nodded. "Come, will you walk me back? I can't bear to be this long away from Hope if she needs me."
"Aye, of course," Jamie said, wiping his eyes and then rising and helping Ellie up. "But first...fer the sake of what we have shared and the comfort ye and I both need, will ye no...come close and let me hold ye once more?"
She nodded as Jamie opened up his arms to embrace her. They stood there for a few minutes, allowing themselves to give in to what they couldn't deny, but keenly aware of the line they could not ever cross again.
"I want Hope baptized," Eleanor said, and after a long pause, added, "As John's daughter."
"Tis not what ye want," Jamie said, still holding her close. "Ye are doin that fer me."
"Please allow me to. We can't go back. And I know you do love Claire so much...you two were made for each other."
"And what aboot ye and Lord John?" Jamie asked, his voice catching.
"He's my kindred spirit," Eleanor said, "He compliments my heart in ways I didn't know possible. I will be fine, Jamie. And if the worst happens, then I will not destroy your marriage to give my soul peace."
"Ye have become so fierce and so brave," Jamie pulled away from her, cupping the side of her face with his hand, "Ye shouldn't ever think ye are no as gut as a wife or mother as anybody else. Ye make me want to be better too...fer our bairns."
Eleanor smiled at him, "I'm glad we were able to talk. And for the record, I should have told you from the moment you looked at me in Jamaica and asked me how far along I was."
Jamie reached out to wipe her tears away with the pad of his thumb, "I dinnae blame ye fer not trusting me with that information."
"Will Mac be okay?" Eleanor asked, softly, changing the subject for she did not know how to respond to that.
"Aye, in time," Jamie said. "The poor lad."
"You are such a good father, James Fraser. I'm so grateful that you are on this crazy journey of parenting with me...even if it is not how we anticipated. Our wee ones need you...your love, your acceptance, your understanding...and yes, even sometimes your discipline."
"That means alot, Ellie, to hear ye say that," Jamie said. "Now, lets go back and see our bairn."
Eleanor rocked Hope non stop for the next several hours as day turned into night. She was on the brink of exhaustion but she wouldn't let Hope go from her arms, sensing that it was where she need to be.
Finally, John knelt down beside her and told her firmly, "You go and lay down. I can hold Hope for a while. I cannot stand to see you so shattered. You can barely hold your head up. You will do nobody any favors by getting ill yourself."
Eleanor bit her lip and nodded.
"Good girl," John smiled at her and Eleanor reached for his hand. John took it and kissed it, sweetly.
"May I ask you a question before I do?" she said, softly.
"You certainty may," John said, still holding her hand.
"Do you have regrets?"
"If I do, you would never be one of them," John said, quietly. "I am here with you, Eleanor. As your husband. As your lover. As your friend. And I will remain by your side for the rest of my days...no matter what comes. And I accept you, dearest wife of mine, no matter what you are feeling...and no matter whom you are feeling it for."
She closed her eyes and then shifted Hope so she could lean forward and bury her head in the crook of his neck. "I don't deserve you, Lord John Grey. Not by a long shot will I ever deserve you."
"You do," John said, "I've been very proud of you today, Lady John. And I am honored to be your husband. But...it would only be natural if considering the circumstances, your heart was flocking towards Jamie and his towards yours. No matter what has happened in the past two years, this is the child that was made out of the love that you share."
"I know," Eleanor raised her head and then titled to kiss him gently. "But I told Jamie I want to baptize Hope tomorrow...as your daughter."
John paused, "I think that is what we must do...for Jamie's sake. There is no reason to damage his relationship with Claire until we know."
She nodded. "That is what I told him." She opened her eyes, "You should have seen Mac, John. It was heartbreaking- him sobbing in Jamie's arms."
John let out his breath, "That dear boy. I can try to talk to him tomorrow as well. Maybe William and I can take a walk with him."
She smiled at him, "I'm sure he would love that. Are you certain you are okay with Hope?"
"Of course I am," John said, titling his head, "I am her Papa, am I not?"
"Yes, you are," Eleanor said, leaning to kiss him again gently on the lips before gently transferring Hope into his arms.
"Do ye need anythin?" Jamie asked, rubbing his eyes, his hair tousled, a glass of water in his hand. "Where is Ellie?"
"I sent her to bed. She is exhausted," John said, tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he wiped at his eyes. "I didn't not think you would be up."
"Don't be," Jamie sat down across from him. "I dinnae ken what woke me. I felt the need to see Hope. Is there no change?"
"No," John said, "she is breathing, but she hasn't moved." He patted her back, "I'm so used to getting pummeled by an elbow or knee or hand when she crawls into our bed. Seeing her so still sleeping, it's troublesome."
"Does she crawl in yer bed often?" Jamie asked, sitting down across from him.
"Yes," John said, smiling through his tears, "She and all the little Frasers from time to time. I feel like Eleanor and I are constantly putting one or the other back in their own beds. But Hope the most."
"How are ye doin, John?" Jamie asked John quietly.
"I fear my heart...I do not know if I can bear it if Hope dies. Eleanor needs me to be steady and strong. She looks to me so often and I want to fulfil that need of hers, but if Hope perishes..."
"Eleanor kens that ye are all those things fer her, but it doesna mean that she wants ye to shield what ye are feelin from her. I would think the way I ken Ellie, she would want quite the opposite."
"We have both seen men die before, Jamie...we have both lost people we've loved, but for it to be your child..."
"It's different," Jamie said, "How canna it not be?"
"I offered to be Eleanor's husband and Hope's father because it was the honorable thing to do...and because I was genuinely fond of Eleanor...but I never expected to feel what I do...for her and for Hope...and all the Frasers. And she has always been such a spirited little one from the very first days of life...full of spunk, but sweet, just like her mama."
"What are you doing out here?" John asked, "It's the middle of the night and you should not be out of bed in your condition."
"It is so hot inside," Eleanor said, quickly grabbing a blanket and covering herself and Hope, "And Hope wouldn't settle to nurse with it being so hot."
Hope began to scream under the blanket, flailing her arms.
"Are you certain she can breathe under there?" John asked, frowning.
"Yes, I am," Eleanor said, "She just doesn't like it...because...you know...it's hot as hades out here."
John chuckled and then reached to grip the blanket, "For God's sake, let the child out. I will avert my eyes."
Eleanor blushed. "Good Lord. The proper Lord John, in the presence of a nursing mother. Is the world ending?"
"You have such a diverting sense of humor, Ellie," John said, dryly, going to sit next to her and being careful to stare out into the night sky, the light of the lantern forming a shadow over them. "We are engaged, you know. Other engaged couples...well, it wouldn't be abnormal..."
She shifted, wincing.
"Does it pain you that much to talk about?" John asked, quietly.
"No, it's not that. It's not you. It's just...blast it, John Grey. Nursing hurts at first until you adjust. Like really bad. And Hope is demanding. Jenny would always help with herbs and such to ease the pain, but I don't have anything. And she won't stop crying. And...I'm..just...so...very... tired. I don't feel great. Hope's birth was not easy...and everything hurts."
John frowned, "I should have insisted that you have help until you recover fully. Let Susanna take her for a while so you can sleep. We can find a nurse for the baby."
"I can't let her out of my sight," Eleanor sobbed, "Not after what happened to the others."
"The others are safe," John reached for her hand, kissing it. "Sweetheart. You need sleep. Is she done?"
Eleanor nodded, "Yes, finally...she is asleep. She should be asleep for a while."
"Then do allow me to take her for a while."
Eleanor looked reluctant. "Are you certain? It is the middle of the night. And I do not even know if I could sleep-it is so hot in there."
"Then," John patted the porch seat, "Fall asleep here. I can go get a blanket for you to lay on. I'll stay here with Hope."
"Are you certain?" Eleanor said.
"Do you trust me with her?"
"Of course, I do, John. I love seeing her with you."
"I'll wake you if she does anything unseemly," John said, with a smile. "Now lay down Madam Fitzgibbons. Hope Emmeline and I shall become better acquainted."
"Okay," Eleanor said, sliding down and falling asleep almost immediately, with a not so lady like snore, causing John to chuckle.
He carefully juggled Hope in his arm as he went inside to retrieve a blanket. He knelt down, balancing Hope to put a blanket under Ellie's head. He rested his hand on her head, "Marriage will be a delight with you, Eleanor, dear." He rose to sit back on the bench with Hope against his chest. "What do you think, Hope?"
Hope opened her eyes and John looked down, "Oh dear, you are awake." He frowned, "Mama said you would sleep." He shifted her so she was against his legs looking up at him. Her eyes were wide as she looked at him and then looked around the porch, taking it all in.
"You are inquisitive, are you not?" John said, smiling at her, "Go ahead and take in the world, little one. Your Papa is right here with you."
"What are ye thinking aboot?" Jamie asked, quietly.
John cleared his throat, "There was one night in Jamaica days after Hope was born. Eleanor was exhausted and I took Hope on the porch while Eleanor fell asleep. She was so inquisitive that night, wide eyed and curious. And it was in that moment, that I was entirely certain about my decision even as difficult as I knew it would be...raising five children and navigating...well, you and Eleanor..."
"For what it is worth," Jamie said, "Eleanor was right. She needed you. Thank ye fer lovin her when I cannot."
John kissed Hope's head and then looked to Jamie, "That's not entirely true. You do love her. We all know that. And she loves you. Jamie..." John looked troubled. "Say the word...and we will blow this up. And if in the process, it leads Eleanor back to you, I will give her back to you. Because God help me, I desire both of your happiness more than my own..."
Jamie leaned his head down on his hands, "Do ye think I can make her happier than ye do?"
"I don't know," John said, honestly. "At one time, yes, but..." He shrugged.
"I dinnae ken I can...even if we would do so...she and I have so many wounds to heal. I dinnae ken if it would ever be the same between us." He shook his head, "No, I dinnae ken what the solution is, but I dinnae think tis that. We are marrit to other people before God...and that must be honored."
John nodded, "But, if that ever changes...you say the word. And we will never say anything on this again, but the offer will remain for as long as I live...if that is what Eleanor and you both want. And if not, I will remain by her side, honoring her and the relationship we have built...and treasuring the joy she brings me."
"I ken ye will," Jamie nodded and then stood, "Are ye certain I canna get ye anythin?"
"Perhaps, check on Ellie, before going back to bed? Make sure she isn't awake and crying or anything like that."
"Of course," Jamie nodded. "Goodnight then, John."
"Goodnight, Jamie."
"Are you ready, Eleanor?" John asked, bending down to whisper in her ear. Eleanor looked up at John, gathering strength from his steady gaze and small smile. He leaned down to kiss Hope's curls.
They came out the bedroom to the living room, Eleanor still carrying Hope. The whole Fraser family was gathered around. Jamie was holding Rosie in his arms, his hand on Mac's shoulder. Fergus had Sam, encircled with a steady arm. Roger stepped forward with a small bowl of water in his hands.
"Are ye quite certain?" Roger asked. "There is a priest encamped. We can ask him fer it to be done properly. I was only raised by a minister."
"I know that," Eleanor nodded, "but I do think the Lord will honor it."
"Verra well," Roger responded, opening his small book that he had taken with him on this journey. He cleared his throat, Lord John's arm came around Eleanor, circling her as she held the child that was the child of his own heart. From the moment that Eleanor put Hope in his arms, he made the choice to love her and as the months passed, he realized it needn't have been a choice- Hope was so easy to love and dote on, much like her mama...and her brothers and sister.
Roger began to ask the question from the Book of Common Prayer.
Will you be responsible for seeing that the child you present is brought up in the Christian faith and life?
Eleanor's heart felt like it was being split in two as John's grip tightened around her for the both knew the weight of their words. Would their daughter even have the chance?
John whispered in her ear as tears splattered down her face. "You named her for a reason, my love. You must be strong right now."
Eleanor took a breath, "We will, with God's help."
Do you renounce Satan and all the spiritual forces of wickedness that rebel against God?
"We renounce them." Eleanor's voice was but a whisper, joining John's stronger voice.
Do you turn to Jesus Christ and accept him as your Savior?
"We do.."
Do you put your whole trust in his grace and love?
Eleanor glanced at Jamie's whose face was white. He was struggling, just as much as her and John. She looked away and then couldn't help but return to his face.
He mouthed to her, his head titled. "We do." He was saying it with them...as Hope's own father.
"We do." Eleanor's voice was stronger, her eyes still on Jamie. Claire looked between the two of them, her face strained as well.
"What is the bairn's full name?" Roger asked.
Eleanor cleared her throat, "Hope Emmeline," she paused and swallowed hard, "Gr-"
"No." Claire's voice was quiet, but they all heard her. "This isn't right. She should be baptized as a Fraser."
"Mama," Bree whispered.
Eleanor breathed in a quick breath, in utter shock and then turned and buried her head in John's shoulder, trying to compose herself, but failing miserably. It was her heart's desire for Hope to have Jamie's name as part of her own- for Jamie to be claimed as her father even if John loved her as a Grey.
"Claire," Jamie turned to his wife.
"It's not the time, Jamie," Claire said, quietly, "but this child cannot be denied any longer. She looks so much like Bree as a baby, it's uncanny. I don't want there to be any regrets. And I do not think the truth will ever lead to regrets."
"Aye," Jamie said slowly.
John coughed, "Jamie," he inclined his head as he met the eyes of his friend. Jamie gave Rosie to Brianna and Claire wrapped her arms around Mac, who had started to cry.
Jamie stepped over to where John was standing with Eleanor.
"May I have our daughter, mo ghraidh?" Jamie asked her in a low voice.
She lifted her head from John's shoulder. "Of course, you may." She carefully handed Hope to Jamie.
Jamie tenderly kissed Hope's head as he held her gently. "Hope Emmeline Grey Fraser is what the child should be baptized as...if Lord and Lady John have no objections."
"You wish her to have my name as well?" John asked, his voice holding his shock. "Are you certain, Jamie?"
"Aye" Jamie said, nodding, "Ye cared fer and loved the child while I couldna. All of the bairns...As with Samuel, I'd be honored if another un of my bairns carries yer name."
Eleanor glanced at John, whose eyes were on Jamie for another moment, shining with deep affection, before he turned his gaze upon her, to look at her tenderly.
"Verra well," Roger said, "Hand me the bairn then."
Jamie handed Roger Hope and then took the small bowel of water. Roger scooped some water in his hand and placed it on Hope's forehead, "Hope Emmeline Grey Fraser, I baptized ye in the name of the Father, and of the son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."
"Amen..." was echoed in a chorus. Roger handed the Hope back to Jamie.
"There is one more thing I must do. Hold the bairn, Eleanor," Jamie said, handing Hope to Eleanor.
"What is it?" Eleanor asked as Jamie took out his knife and cut his finger, smearing it on Hope's forehead. "Hope Emmeline Grey Fraser, ye are blood of my blood and bone of my bone. I claim ye as my daughter from this day until forever. And I promise ye that there will never be a day or night that goes by that I will ever deny ye as mine again."
"Oh James," Eleanor's face crumpled. She shifted Hope and then reached her arm for him. She sobbed as his arms surrounded her and Hope. They remained that way from what seemed like forever that neither of them registered a slightly shift in Hope's posture until they heard,
"Mama, you sad?"
Jamie pulled away from her as Eleanor turned her head to meet Hope's eyes. There were open, the big blue eyes that mirrored her own shining back at her.
"Mama cryin?" Hope asked. "Mama sad?"
"No my darling, I'm so very happy now." She said, her smile wide. "You are awake! We were all so worried, my love."
Tears streamed down Jamie's face. "It is a miracle, Ellie," he said, leaning over to kiss Eleanor's head.
"The greatest miracle of my life," she said, softly.
"How is the bairn?" Jamie asked as Claire changed her diaper and then listened to her heart and lungs. Hope had fallen back asleep for a while, but she was moving in her sleep and clearly it was different. Nighttime had fallen and Claire took the baby one more time to examine her.
"How are you feeling, Hope?" Claire asked as she sat her up.
"I wanna cookie."
"Well," Claire put a hand on her arm, "You gave us quite a scare, young lady, but I do think you are well on your way to healing. But no cookies quite yet."
Hope began to pout and Eleanor grinned back at John, whose arms were wrapped around her waist.
"That is a good sign indeed," John said, grinning back at her, his eyes shining. He sideswept Eleanor to hold out his arms to Hope.
"Come to Papa, darling," he said, "Marsali is fixing you some broth and Papa will feed it to you." He kissed her cheek affectionately a bunch of times and Hope giggled.
He left the room with her and Eleanor shifted, "Thank you, Claire."
Claire nodded, fiddling with her supplies.
"I should go."
"I think you should stay," Claire said. "I think we should all get this out in the open."
Eleanor looked to Jamie, "I rather think it is between you and Jamie."
"Did John know?" Claire asked.
"Of course he did," Eleanor said. "I told John the day Hope was born and he asked me to marry him. I would not keep that from him- not something that important and enter a marriage with him."
"And yet you didn't tell Jamie until in the river? Two years after you told Lord John?"
"I'm not Jamie's wife anymore," Eleanor said, her voice clipped.
"It is his child," Claire said, "You should have told him!"
Eleanor was taken aback, "That is so easy for you to say and judge. Yes, I should have told him. I agree. And I didn't...because I was scared and hurt and angry. But that matter is between me and Jamie," she said, softly. "And for the peace of our family, we will work that out together. But I certainly don't owe you any further explanation."
"Considering Hope was conceived in the first place with my husband, I feel like you do."
"This is not Eleanor's fault," Jamie said, firmly. "Ye canna blame her. We thought ye were dead."
"And so what did she do? Just offer herself to you? To comfort to you?" Claire asked, her eyes heated as Eleanor began to back out of the room. "Don't go, Ellie!" Claire snapped. "I'm not done with you."
"I didn't do anything wrong!" Eleanor shot back, heatedly. "I gave you back Jamie! I didn't have to do that! Do you know how freaking hard these past few years have been? It isn't like I didn't love him! It isn't like I didn't treasure the family we made...after I was ripped away from my own children and stuck in this time. Giving Jamie back his marriage was because I love him!" She began to sob, breathless under the weight of it all.
"Mo ghraidh," Jamie's voice was gentle, "You must calm yerself. Ye have been through an ordeal these past two days." He turned to Claire, "Sassenach, Eleanor doesna need this right now. She's right-it's between ye and I, not her. I will not have ye put any blame on her shoulders."
"Or won't you?" Claire asked, her eyebrows raised.
"You are making me sound like I am some awful person," Eleanor shot back, "And I'm not, Claire! I'm not some awful person. Jamie was in a horrible place that day. Murtagh practically forced me into Jamie's bed because Jamie was so distraught he was going to get himself arrested or killed! And you didn't have to choose to go on the ship, Claire. But you choose that. And we thought it had sunk. So...I didn't wrong you. If I wronged anyone it was Murtagh, and he didn't care. And as for Hope...I wasn't going to destroy your relationship with Jamie to have him claim Hope. And yes, I did lie to him...but that is between Jamie and I...and if you are pissed off that I did sleep with him, then you have your right...but I have a right to be pissed off that you didn't choose to leave and I had to give up my husband and the three children we shared together suddenly had their family broken up because your and Jamie's love transcends every damn thing. So back off, damn it, Claire! I am not your enemy."
Claire looked heated, but then relaxed and then said quietly, "You're right. You don't owe me anything."
She nodded, "I am sorry though, Claire, if this hurts you. I wouldn't want that. I really wouldn't. I do care for you in spite of everything." She looked to Jamie, "Can I go now?"
"Aye," Jamie said. "I will see ye later."
Eleanor bit her lip and then turned but Claire's voice stopped her.
"Eleanor?"
"What?" Eleanor turned back.
"Make sure Hope doesn't eat too much."
"Of course," Eleanor said.
"And," Claire shifted, "You shouldn't have to keep sacrificing yourself for me. I hope you know that. You have a right to be honest about everything. You have been really gracious about all of this, but if the roles were reversed, I'd be pretty pissed too."
"Thank you for that," she said, softly.
Claire nodded and then Eleanor left, shutting the door of Claire's surgery behind her.
"Did you suspect?" Claire said, quietly.
Jamie nodded. "But Eleanor told me she dinnae ken."
"But she did," Claire said.
"Aye, she did," Jamie said. "I wronged the lass in so many ways, I cannot begrudge her fer this. She dinna trust me to tell me and after what we have been through together, I canna blame her."
"I know, Jamie, that you still love her. And it's clear that she does too. I thought you would learn not to love her, but I understand why you two can't just erase the feelings and history you did have because of the children you share constantly bringing you back together. You need to be a family with her. And before you say anything, I know you love me. And I am confident in that. But you have to be truthful with me...do not lie to me. Because that is something that I will not ever be able to understand. Do you hear me?"
Jamie nodded.
"What will you do now that Hope has woken up?"
"Weel, I dinnae ken. I suppose that tis something ye and I...and Ellie and John have to figure out. How to explain all of this to the wee uns, especially Hope, who is no too fond of me."
Claire gave a small smile, "She feels different even at two than her brothers and sister. She will come around and in another few months, she'll be calling you Da and running up to you for hugs and kisses like the rest of the precocious Fraser brood." She paused, "Do you feel things are more settled between you and Eleanor?"
Jamie nodded, "The truth needed to come out for all of our sakes. We are still working through that, but Eleanor is right, for the peace of our family, we are committed to finding understanding with each other."
Claire paused, "Then at least that is positive."
Jamie let out a breath, "But now that Hope is well, there is the matter of Tryon and Murtagh and Lieutenant Knox still being here."
"What will you do?" Claire asked, frowning.
"I dinnae ken yet," Jamie said.
"Well," Claire began to clean up her surgery, "Whatever you do decide to do, you need to keep Eleanor informed. You have to make her be at peace with this. She isn't used to war like we are."
"Aye, I ken," Jamie said, studying his thumb carefully, which still had the mark from where he had cut it earlier in the day, "I think perhaps..."
"Perhaps what?" Claire asked.
Jamie looked up, with a determined tilt of his, "If Tryon wants a Scot, than he shall have a Scot."
Eleanor's eyes were fixated on Jamie, her breath nearly taken away at the sight of him. She had never seen him in his kilt before and it stirred at her very core because she knew how much this moment meant to him.
Claire had followed behind him and Jamie had stepped to her for a moment, leaning into her ear to whisper, "Remain by Claire, mo ghraidh, with our bairns and the rest of our family."
She nodded at him as he reached for the torch, calling out the men to gather around.
"Mama," Mac's hand tugged at her, "What is Da doing?"
Brianna came up to Mac's side, Roger beside her. Roger's hand went out to Mac's head, placing it on it.
"Just watch, laddie," Roger said, his voice low.
"I scared, sissy," Rosie tugged on her sister's skirts and Brianna leaned down to pick her up.
"Do not be afraid, leannan," Bree said, "I have you." She gave Rosie a kiss, holding her close.
"Claire," Eleanor murmured as Hope slept against her. "What is Jamie up to?"
"He's calling the clan," Claire said softly. "Preparing for the future."
"For war?" Eleanor asked, under her breath.
"If it comes to it," Claire responded. "Tryon wants a militia."
Eleanor's eyes crossed the fire to John, who met her eyes. This was the Jamie Fraser he knew...and loved. The natural born leader...the Scot that he met when he was a teenage boy. He gave her a small smile, his eyes shining, knowing he had been caught...and she smiled at him back.
Jamie looked to John and inclined his head towards Sam.
John leaned down to give Sam a word and he went over to cross the grass to stand beside Fergus.
"Why is Da wearing a dress?" Sam asked Fergus.
All the adults immediately hushed him and Fergus placed his hand on Sam's shoulder, protectively.
"It's a kilt," Marsali said. "Ye dinnae ken because the English outlawed them."
Jamie had overheard his youngest son and Eleanor could tell it upset him, but he had a job to do. He took the torch and lit the cross, it going up in a glorious flame.
Eleanor chewed on her lip, feeling uncomfortable with the imagery, but still fixated by Jamie who was mesmerizing.
Jamie looked between Claire and Eleanor to Brianna and then Fergus and then back to hers. His eyes rested on hers. He held her gaze for a moment, and then nodded at her. He sensed her conflict.
Jamie was calling then men to war...the war with the regulators was one thing, but Ellie knew what was to come. Mac would be fourteen when the declaration of independence was enacted. It would be conceivable in the war years that follow, he could choose to fight at least at the tail end of it. She knew that both of them were thinking on it. And William...the boy who has now become the child of her heart...he could fight throughout the years. And it was even conceivable that the boys would choose opposing sides.
She tore her eyes away from Jamie to look at John, who had overseen the exchange between Ellie and Jamie. John put his arm around William who was fixated on Jamie, curiosity etched throughout his features. Sam and Mac began to squirm, it being so close to their bed time. Rosie rested her head on Brianna's shoulder.
Eleanor looked back to John, who leaned down to say something to William and discreetly weaved through the gathering to Eleanor's side. He knelt down to give Sam a word of reproach for his loud questions that he was asking Fergus about what Jamie was doing.
His hand reached for hers, twining it in hers. She squeezed his hand, grateful that he had come to her side, as Roger came to make his oath to Jamie.
It was much later that Jamie and her had tucked the boys and Rosie into their beds in the big house that Jamie inclined his head.
"Will ye take a walk with me, lass?" he asked.
She nodded. He handed her a shawl off the hook.
Jamie turned to John, "Ye dinna mind if I take yer wife fer a few minutes, John?"
"Of course not," John said, him in conversation with Claire. Eleanor shifted Hope, who was sleeping. "I should put her down if we are going for a walk."
"Aye," Jamie nodded and Eleanor looked weary.
"I'll hold her, Ellie," Claire stood. "Until you return." Hope had slept throughout the day but her times awake, she was much like herself. Still...after the past two days and the heartbreaking ordeal she went through, she couldn't bear for Hope not be watched carefully. Claire understood that.
"Thank you." She careful transferred Hope to Claire.
"Of course," Claire nodded at Jamie as she shifted the blanket so it covered Hope better. She knew that he had to make sure that Eleanor was aware of what was happening. For as much as it affected her, it affected Eleanor as well.
They walked past the fires still burning, Jamie's kilt moving effortlessly as he walked.
"I have never seen you in a kilt before," Eleanor said as she and Jamie walked.
"Aye," Jamie said, giving her a soft smile. "It has been a verra long time."
"You were laird tonight...it was like..." she turned to him, "this is what should have been. You were born to lead, Jamie."
"I canna say what should have been or no, but Eleanor," Jamie touched her arm gently, "ye must ken and prepare yerself for it. I will be called to fight. The time has come. I have a duty to do."
"I know," Eleanor swallowed hard, "The war with the regulators is one thing, Jamie, but..."
"Mo ghriadh," Jamie turned to her, "I ken there will be a war that is coming where our lads could be affected."
"They were so enraptured with you, Jamie, they would have sworn their oath to you tonight. I had to hold them back."
"Aye," Jamie chuckled, "I ken. Our wee lads. They do my heart a world of gut, lass."
"I don't know if I can do this," Eleanor twisted her sapphire ring. "What if something happens to you...or to Fergus...or Roger? What if John gets mixed up in this? And what if God Forbid, the children do follow you into the coming war? I mean they will still be young, but Mac could possibly fight for a year or two...and Willie most definitely."
"They will have to, lassie," Jamie said, "I ken that isna what ye want to hear, but I must prepare them as boys to fight as men. Lord John will help. And above all, I must teach them of their heritage, of their name, of their clan. I dinna wish to lose myself in this new land. Sam dinna even ken where he has come from. Ye and I have done a poor job of it."
"But I do not know it as well, James," Eleanor said, "But I want you to...because clearly it means alot to you."
"Aye, tis so," Jamie said. "Ye looked scarrit tonight."
"Not of you, of course. For what it is worth, if I was a man, I'd have pledged my loyalty to you tonight."
Abruptly, he turned to face her, the wind blowing her hair and her dress billowing. Her shawl had fallen off one arm and flapped against her in the wind. "Give me yer hands."
She put both of her hands in his. "I canna say what the future might hold, fer our family, but ken...ye will always have a place here...at the Ridge. And as long as I have breath, ye will be a part of my soul. I pledged my loyalty to ye many moons ago, and I will be held fast to the vow I made."
"I'm really scared. It all seems real now. I don't know if I am strong enough for this. Hope nearly shattered me."
"Ye are ready. Ye are brave. Ye are fierce. And ye are so verra strong, mo ghraidh," Jamie said, his eyes fixed on hers. "Je suis priest, Eleanor."
She took a shuddering breath, "Je Suis Priest."
He smiled at her in the dark, "Now there is one more thing we must do before I go off and muster the militia..."
"What is that?" she whispered.
Hope threw the flowers down the makeshift aisle enthusiastically, much to the amusement and giggles of all who had gathered.
She got to the end and dropped her basket, clapping, "Hope throw flower! I did it!"
Jamie knelt down on one knee to greet his daughter, "Aye, leannan. Ye did a gut job of it as weel."
He reached out for her hand, kissing it.
Eleanor wrapped her arm around Hope, "You were perfect!" she laughed. "Good girl!"
"Hope a good girl!" she squealed in delight, clapping again.
"Aye, ye are, lass." Jamie smiled, smoothing down her curls, lovingly.
"Can you say thank you?" Eleanor asked, kissing Hope's head, "It was his idea."
"Thank you," Hope said, sweetly, smiling at him. "Jay...me."
"Yer welcome," Jamie paused and then leaned down to kiss her head. "But, Hope, how aboot ye call me Da like her brothers and sisters?"
"Da?" Hope asked, frowning.
"Aye," Jamie smiled, his eyes shining.
"Why?" Hope asked.
"Because yer my blood, leannan," Jamie said, simply.
"Hope cut her finger?" Hope asked, her frown deeper, "Look like Da?"
Eleanor collapsed into giggles, plopping right in the dirt from where she was crouching.
"Verra graceful, lass," Jamie admonished.
Hope was still studying her finger, contemplatively.
"She is a Fraser alright," John said from his spot, holding Rosie, his eyes delighted at how well his daughter was looking and amused at his wife's reaction to Hope's antics.
"Aye, she is," Jamie responded, his smile wide.
Claire came to crouch down beside Hope. "Guess what?" she whispered to Hope.
"What?" Hope asked, eyes wide.
"Every flower girl deserves a cookie," Claire said, "I made some just for you, Hope."
Hope clapped some more, "Yaaay!"
"She may be a Fraser, but she talks just like her mama," Jamie quipped and Eleanor poked at him.
"Very funny, James Fraser." She took John's hand as he came to her side to help her up. Jamie rose too, watching Claire take Hope by the hand, laughing with the others as they went inside for cookies. "She is going to take the world by storm one day."
"Aye, I dinnae doubt it, because she also has yer blood coursing through her," Jamie said. "She is goin to give her husband hell un day."
Eleanor rolled her eyes and gave Jamie a smack, before kissing John gently on the cheek and following the others, leaving the two men behind.
"Thank you fer sharing her again with me," Jamie said, quietly. He paused, "Hope that is," he added.
John watched his wife's retreating form. "You're welcome...on both accounts." He looked to Jamie, "You and Eleanor fighting your past is only making our future difficult. If you and Eleanor become close again, it will only end up bringing peace to our family. I trust you both, so it doesn't matter to me..."
"Ye are verra wise, Lord John," Jamie said.
"I am indeed," John gave him the side eye.
Jamie laughed and patted him on the arm, "Gut man. Now let's go get some cookies before the bairns eat them all."
"Oh goodness, I can only imagine how spirited they will be before bed with their bellies full of cookies," John said, "I do hope you and Claire can be on parenting duty tonight."
"Oh, aye?" Jamie looked at him, amused, "Do ye have something ye wish to do tonight?"
"As a matter of fact, I do," John said, "Lady John needs some attention after this horrible ordeal. And a break, if she will part from Hope's side enough."
"Verra weel," Jamie said, "I dinna disagree. She would benefit from it. Just if ye wish to use the barn again, do give a man fair warning..."
John laughed, heartedly, as he followed Jamie inside.
A/N: thoughts?