Part One: Chapter Nineteen

"Was it hard?" I ask. "Letting go?"

Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real." — Lisa Schroeder

Half a millennium.

That was how long it had been.

Half a millennium.

It didn't feel as if it had been that long. Time rushed by so fast, Elijah had traveled the world and seen so many things. It didn't feel as if he had seen thousands of sunsets and sunrises. It did not feel as though he had lifetimes. It didn't feel as if he watched totems deemed insurmountable fall. For all his posturing, all his etiquette and mannerisms, Elijah didn't feel old.

Until he looked at her face.

They said Helen of Troy's beauty was enough to launch a thousand ships, cause men to bare arms, made the Goddess of Beauty seethe with envy. And if Helen looked anything like his Tatia did then he could understand the need to fight and defend. A beauty such like her's was delicate and soft and the world was sharp and cruel. She had no need to be in exposed to such harshness.

Elijah had never felt the age in his bones, the settling of time in his ageless body, until Katerina Petrova gazed upon his face.

In those few brief moments Elijah was not a fearsome vampire but the young man in love that he had been. He could remember battling for her affection. He could remember the warmth of her attention. Elijah could remember her and Elijah could be human again. In those moments, Elijah could be Elijah and he could pretend that she was Tatia.

But the vision was always ruined. It was also sobered through a mannerism that Katerina had that just wasn't Tatia. And every time Elijah would try to remake the feeling, that vision of Tatia, Katerina would be herself and that would break him out of the illusion that he so wished for. There were moments when Elijah would feel a low burning toward Katerina, his eyes would follow her with a heat and intensity that would send others into a frenzy, but she never noticed. And Elijah knew that it was wrong of him to hold those hopes, those dreams of a life that had long since ended over the head of a girl hundreds of years later, but the resemblance was uncanny.

But he could never forget a face like that. Never.

Elijah trounced through the woods, his sword in hand as he hacked in way through the underbrush with a heat that swallowed him. His mouth was pinched and there were moments when his fangs would descend and the veins would creep down his cheeks, but he always always made them recede. She didn't know and in what could be her last day, she deserved to enjoy the illusion as much as possible.

He wondered at who would have been foolish enough to leave with the doppelganger. He had gotten the feeling to check on the doppelganger when he saw his brother in such a frenzy to leave. Though they both looked alike, Kol and Elijah were like night and day. Kol enjoyed mayhem when Elijah simply wanted nothing more than order. And Kol never passed up an opportunity to make their lives a little more difficult though Elijah never thought that Kol would do something of this magnitude. He was aware of the small rivalry that Kol and Klaus had, but Kol's brand of subterfuge was usually more flamboyant in nature and nothing this catastrophic.

The sigh that ripped from him was loud. Whatever Klaus decided to do Kol would end up in a box for centuries.

"It will be alright. Everything will be alright."

He knew that voice. He knew it better than he knew his own. The sweet curling of her r's and the way she ended each sentence with a soft purr was a melody that only he seemed to notice. His feet carried him to his siren, the world was an indecipherable flash of green and brown as the forest slipped past him. He had found her. She was here.

He stopped himself by a tree looking over her form, her back facing away from him. Her curls cascaded down her back, the dress accentuating her small waist, and Elijah could imagine with almost perfect clarity the swell of her hips underneath that dress. Elijah breathed deeply. Tatia.

Then she turned. The light streamed through the dense tree tops and shone on her. Everything felt purely ethereal, magical, artistic. He had never wished to be as artistically inclined as his brother more so in his entire life. Every poet, artistic, general and man who had ever fallen because of love made sense, because no longer was his heart in his chest but a walking figure of beauty and grace that he would proudly die for.

"Tatia," he breathed her name.

And there she stood, beautiful and radiant with a dagger in her hand, ready to plunge into her chest.

There was no thinking, only the deep seated urge to protect and keep herself. No one was allowed to hurt her, not even herself. The dagger never had a chance to even rip through the cloth. Elijah was quick, but sloppy with his work, the dagger was discarding the blade finding a home in the dirt. He gripped her hands and pulled her close to him.

His body was hot and cold, and there were no thoughts and several in his head. Every muscle in his body felt tight and tense, ready for something to happen, ready for someone to take her away from him again.

Tatia would have never attempted to end her own life. Tatia would have loved every moment she could. She would have loved to be looked down his eyes searching those brown doe eyes that he adored so much. What could have driven her to this? What sadness plagued his love?

But her eyes were cold with only a single lone spark in them.

"Let go of me," she said. Tatia had never sounded so cold to him before. She was always sweet and unassuming. She would have never—

"Let go of me!" she shouted and the heat in her words burned him. He let go of her without a second thought, but his thoughts had stalled. The beautiful visage of Tatia was blurring the dreams and thoughts of her tumbling away. And for the first moment, he saw who was in front of him.

Katerina stomped over to the dagger and with several tries was able to free it from the ground. She sighed and ready the dagger over her heart again. Elijah stood and simply watched.

"Don't," was all that he was able to say. "Don't do this."

"And why should I? Either I die now or I die tonight," Katerina's mouth was tight and Elijah could hear the rapid thumping of her heart. She knew? Who had told her? How much did she know? His eyes darted around and found Trevor's body, carefully hidden behind a tree. He looked back at Katerina who stared straight ahead ready to die.

"You don't understand. Whatever it is Trevor has told you, I can assure yo—"

"I know enough. You want me to die for some ritual that will allow vampires to walk in the day. I refuse." Elijah had never seen a woman so acidic. Everything around her seemed tinged with red and wilting as if her anger was influencing the world, but still he did nothing but stand there and look at her. "Besides, will he allow me to live?"

Elijah wanted to reassure her, tell her that Klaus would be fine and allow her to live as long as the curse that was cast upon him was broken. But that would be a lie, probably the biggest falsehood that he had ever told in his entire existence. And Katerina could see that, see the truth so plainly written on his face. Elijah had always been the most guarded with his emotions. His other siblings used their emotions as weapons, guises to either lull someone into a false security or prod people into the positions, but he had never been so liberal with his emotions. But in front of that face, the face that he had loved and dreamed about for half a millennium, he was stripped bare.

"He will not tolerate my life. My existence is for one purpose and once that is accomplished he sees no other reason for me to live. Elijah? Is that your name? You would ask me to die for someone else, someone who terrorizes the world?" Her hands shook, her knuckles white around the hilt of the dagger. She bit her lip until it bled and though the sweet scent of her blood was the most tempting ambrosia, he withheld himself.

"Is this all my years of living? All my suffering is to amount to? The father at church always said that God made us for a purpose, that we were meant to serve Him and spread His good name. But surely I must be crafted by the hands of Satan himself," a watery bark of laughter left her, "if my life, my whole reason for being is to allow monsters free reign."

"No," Elijah whispered. He moved towards, his footsteps slow and wary. She was a spooked animal, he needed to approach with caution. "No, you are worth more than that. So much more. You deserve the world."

Katerina looked at him from underneath her lashes. They were wet with tears and he was surprised to see she was crying. Those small shoulders shook with the weight of her sorrow, but Elijah did not dare reach out. If she rejected him, he would burn with the feeling for the rest of his eternal life.

"Who do you think about when you say that? When you look at me like that?"

Katerina lowered her dagger yet her eyes stayed trained on him. There was fire and fury in her eyes and he tried to fight down the heat that rushed to his head.

"I noticed the way you look at me, Elijah. You look besotted and lovestruck and yet, we have rarely spoken. Who do you think of when you look at me?"

"I…" he stalled. How to go about it? There was never going to be a proper way to say that he had been in love with her distant ancestor. There was no way that he could broach such a topic when the situation was something so novel. "Her… her name was Tatia. You look a lot like her."

"Tell me of her."

"Tatia...she was… Tatia was my first love. I competed for her affections with all my might. And then… she was killed. As much as I loved Tatia, I wanted her to live more. I wanted to love and provide and protect her. She would have loved all the travels I have been on during these long centuries. She would have loved court and the food. Tatia never deserved to die. Tatia should have lived."

Katerina looked at him with a painful and sharp stare that made him flinch.

"You see this woman every time you see me. You say she should live, but yet you ask me to go back and die," she growled.

"No, never. I can save you."

"You can't. Which is why I have to save myself."

Katerina was quick. She raised her dagger and then sliced open her own throat.

Elijah had never heard himself scream so loudly.

When she woke everything seemed so much… more.

The light of the candles were not mere flames but full bastions of light that caused her weak eyes pain. She had to shut them for fear that the light would blind her. It was then that she noticed the sounds, the wind and the rain that was knocking on the roof of whatever home that she was in. But she could hear the sounds of a woman somewhere in this home. She could hear the soft taps of her footsteps, the swishing of her skirts, the air that whistled through her chest. Katerina felt dizzy with all the new sights and sounds and she wanted the black abyss that she was in before.

But she couldn't have that. The door exploded open and Katerina jumped into a sitting position. Elijah stood before her his face grim and he had a goblet in his hand. He strode over to her, not saying a single word but the violence radiated off of him. She knew what he could do to her. Trevor had feared him for a reason and if Trevor who was so much stronger than she was, was scared then that meant he was leagues stronger than she could ever dream of becoming.

Though she scrambled back on the bed, Elijah did not relent. He grabbed the back of her head and forced the goblet to her lips. She gasped and that was all he needed to tip the cup and allow the ruby liquid to slide down her throat. She could taste the iron and the liquid was thick and slow. She closed her mouth and the rest of the blood slid wastefully down her cheeks and neck. Elijah growled and gripped her hair, yanking at the roots. Katerina gasped in pain and Elijah forced the rest of the blood down her throat until she was gagging on it.

When the goblet was well and truly dry, did Elijah finally fit to let go of her hair. Katerina coughed, the coughs wet and rough, her hands massaging her abused scalp and throat.

"There. You are a vampire. Now go. Run. You are useless to my brother now and he will hunt you unto the ends of the earth. You have your survival. Now leave," Elijah said as he turned. His body was taut like a bowstring. He was ready to pounce on something. And from the burning in his words he wanted to direct it at her. Katerina felt heat rush to her head.

"You blame me Elijah? You blame me for wanting to live? You blame me for avoiding being a sacrificial lamb? You would have me march to the slaughter because it's easier for you."

Elijah turned and Katerina was sure that if he looked at anyone else like that they would be lying dead on the ground. But it was because she had this face. This cursed face that looked like his lost love so much, that she was protected that she was free to chide him in such a manner.

"You blame me for not dying for your brother but what would you have done Elijah? What would you have done to save me? You would have made me a vampire? And then what? Paraded me around? Hid me from your brother? Or maybe I would take the place of your beloved Tatia!"

"Don't you dare speak of her!"

"I have every right to speak of her when your love for her blinds you to who I am! I am Katerina Petrova! Not this Tatia bitch who you love! She is dead and has been for a long time. I will never be her, you cur! Do not make me out to be her!" Her own voice rang in her own ears. Elijah stood in front of her, his jaw slack and his eyes wide. If a man had ever looked so broken, Katerina was beginning to see what that looked like. She turned away from his face, glancing at the stone walls and the simple bedding of her room, a peasant's house, she gathered.

"You're not her," he said as if he had gotten some great epiphany and Katerina wanted to shake him. She had never, not once, been Tatia and just because they shared a face meant nothing. They were still two separate people with lives that branched away from one another. There was no way to bring Tatia back and so there was no way for Elijah to rekindle his love. He turned away from her then and walked back to the door of the room. His voice was low when he spoke.

"I will lie to Niklaus. Claim that Trevor kidnapped you and turned you…" He looked over his shoulder briefly and for a moment she felt the weight that Elijah carried on his shoulders. The worry that dogged him at his every waking moment. "Do you know? Do you know the darkness you have subjected my family to?"

Katerina felt that heat again, that anger that was burned her cheeks and made her feel wild. Still they asked for her to die all so they could live easier lives. She deserved better. Her life was worth more!

"Better you than I."

End of Part One

Author's Note: And after about—holy shit—almost 5 years! We're finally done with part one. You know what that means? Another 5 years to start and complete part two!

It's been a wild ride for part one. Tbh I started this story when I was in 8th grade and now, I'm halfway done with it as a college freshman. You can probably see how my writing has changed and developed over the course of this story. Ha. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope that you are all excited about the next part in this story.

Part Two will be way longer and have a lot more details and plot and characters and magic and fun stuff! But overall it will still have klaroline and we will see the growth of kalijah. I'm excited to write it and I hope that you guys are all ready to read it! Love you all and thank you for sticking with this story (my most popular story) for 5 years despite my random disappearances.

Love you all,

wanderlust-bitethedust