Chapter Three: Reverence

On the following Tuesday evening there was a knock on Kazuya's door causing him to jump out of his skin as he was focused deeply on his studies. Smacking himself mentally for a moment he went to the window to see Chizuru. Unsure why she was there he opened the door, invited her inside, and asked if he could get her some tea. Chizuru took off her shoes, bowed, and entered before asking for black tea.

"That's caffeinated you know right? I don't want you unable to fall asleep and then be angry with me," Kazuya said.

"Yes, I know it is caffeinated. I figure when I am done here I will go back and study some more. I can't sleep anyway," Chizuru said somewhat crestfallen.

"Then don't drink it silly. Look my grandmother gave me some lavender. I love it...smells nice and is said to relax your mind and help you sleep. I had some last night. I'll make us some," Kazuya said as he smiled and got up.

Chizuru was about to stop him when she just got quiet and readied herself for a hard discussion. Kazuya returned with the tea and sat down while asking her what brought her over at this late hour.

"It's time we picked up the conversation last time. I promise to be mature and quiet as your 'little bodyguard' isn't here and I don't want you to need to call campus security...maybe the tea will help calm me," Chizuru said with a small smile.

Kazuya gave a very small laugh, took a sip, and said, "Okay."

Chizuru took a deep breath, "I am here to talk about what we're going to say tomorrow night when we next see our families and please let me know what I asked earlier: Why now? Why did you want to suddenly end things now? I need to know...I can't eat and I can't sleep."

Kazuya took a somewhat long drink of his tea and said, "Mizuhara, it was hearing you tell Mami that all she needed to know was that I was your boyfriend. I almost thought, for a moment, of feeling complete bliss and then knowing it wasn't real. It physically hurt my chest. I feel such great attraction to you...but you know that. I couldn't say it fully, I flinched because I felt I was setting myself up for disaster. While I am learning fast about giving things a shot I still feel I needed to avoid what I thought was certain failure in favor of giving something a shot where it had a chance of success. It hurt, but it was a beautiful pain as I saw you stand up for me, guard me, and ultimately I felt you're going far beyond what you should do for me. It, and forgive me for being dramatic, almost felt like you were pulling me out of the waters of self-pity. I broke down moments later and cried, but for a moment I felt I had kind of a 'big sister ready to pummel any girl in school who may give me grief' in you. I felt in you I had such a strong fighter and protector...a hero."

Chizuru was stunned and said, "...Kazuya. That's very sweet. I can appreciate how you feel and how that would be especially painful to hear. I just feel you should know that..."

Kazuya once again saw her seeming zone out while she was looking at him and decided to wait to see if she was going to ask anything else. After some amount of time where she didn't say anything Kazuya asked if she was okay.

Snapping out of her daze she didn't remember where she left off.

"Know what? What did you want me to know?" Kazuya asked with genuine curiosity.

"Look-I wish I could have said this before, but I can't since the moment has passed..." Chizuru said

"Huh? What do you mean? What moment?" Kazuya asked again confused.

"I uh...look when Ruka and I were having a talk she told me something. Something which I felt was both beautiful and tragic at the same time. Please...please...just take this as my 'freebie' for embarrassment kind of like you outside our apartments the other night when you said it had to be me. You said you wanted me as your 'girlfriend' and after you said just as a rental...I went back to my apartment and sank against the wall confused on feelings for you. I have had moments Kazuya, they have passed though, where I really got messed up in the head. Think for a moment...could you imagine adding three teas together. Imagine you started with a cup of lavender, which is very relaxing and thank you again, along with black, and then add in say raspberry. You'd have quite a flavor-it likely would taste terrible-and it could possibly quite confuse your body a great deal. You'd have a stimulant, a 'relaxing' or depressant element, and something with good vitamins. Kazuya...I feel all three at the moment and it is scary. I need you right now since you're likely the only other person who can appreciate this feeling. You have Ruka at your side, but I have no one. I have only you and you may not even know what I feel, but could appreciate it. Look..." Chizuru said seemingly worried.

"...You're confusing me. What did Ruka tell you?" Kazuya said.

Chizuru thought and though hard and decided to come clean, "I told Ruka I felt like I was being forced to give you up with an emotional contract, given some compensation for my troubles, and told to scram. It hurt a lot. Here is what I meant: I felt very angry and scared-black tea. I then felt calm due to what Ruka told told me like lavender tea, and then felt it was healthy to move on...the raspberry since it promotes general health."

"What did Ruka tell you?" Kazuya asked feeling it was starting to make some sense.

"She told me...she told we could see each other here and there until I 'got over you.' It is kind of weird and unsettling and it's because I feel like I am being given my own advice when it came to Mami. I told you that you could keep renting me until you got over her. While it may sound strange to be with you until I 'get over you' I understand what Ruka meant and am grateful. I can-we can-allow ourselves to 'step down' levels.' This is what has me wound up in knots. Kazuya...take my hand and hold it," Chizuru said.

With some trepidation Kazuya reached out towards her hand. He stopped unsure if he was allowed to proceed when she nodded and he took held. While almost invisible to the eye he felt her hand shaking. She then offered him her other hand and he felt it too was shaking.

"Your body doesn't know what to tell you does it? You're being pulled in three directions at once. No wonder you're zoning out. I am the only other person who could appreciate this aren't I? I will let you in on a little secret," Kazuya said.

Taking a deep breath and releasing it he smiled warmly.

Suddenly Chizuru smiled and looked up as if she was going to cry as she felt Kazuya's hands were also shaking. He confessed his hands were only still before since he was expending a lot of strength to keep his hands from shaking. He was using all his available mental power to keep in control. He said he was attempting to be strong for the two of them and said he felt the inverse of what was happening her to and that he was being purchased in a sense. He went onto tell her felt like it was out of his control, a feeling of being told to leave his "home" of an emotional state, being issued another, and being reminded there was no choice in the matter. Taking her by both hands he started to stand up, let go, and motioned her to come to the couch. Showing just a little trepidation Chizuru followed him and sat down.

"I am not renting you right now. Say it it please," Kazuya said almost feeling like he was on an invisible lead.

Chizuru looked at him with a weird smile and said,"You're not renting-"

Kazuya quickly came over and gave her a warm hug. Shocked, but pleased Chizuru returned the hug and they held for several minutes each taking a deep breath before releasing.

"Feel better? I do," Kazuya held her hand showing the shaking had stopped and happily hers had stopped shaking as well.

Chizuru smiled saying, "I do. You do understand how I feel. Thank you."

Kazuya responded, "Yes, I do. It is true: since we're really the only ones involved we're the only ones who could understand how the other feels. It is scary, it is sad, and also provides hope. It is quite unusual and also unique. I am sure some rental girlfriends get mixed into their clients' lives-otherwise there wouldn't be acknowledgments...several pages of them...needing to be clicked and initialed. I bet there are more pages of agreements for Diamond rentals than for some vaccines or prescription drugs. The matters of the heart are both almost impossible to define and carry much weight."

Chizuru looked at him for a moment, "What did you say? 'The matters of the heart are both almost impossible to define and carry much weight.'? That's quite a poetic way to describe mixed emotional feelings, but a pretty poignant way too."

Kazuya shrugged and said he knows this is a difficult time and reminded her he's scared and confused too. Once their tea cups were empty Kazuya stood up.

"Hey, I'm a little hungry. Come on, let's go to Donny's, I could go for a toasted corn muffin and maybe even milkshake. Whaddya say?"

Realizing she suddenly felt hungry Chizuru smiled and rose saying, "Yes...that does sound nice. Let's go."

Exiting his apartment they were halfway to Donny's before realizing they were actually holding hands. When each of them noticed they were both worried what they'd say before smiling at one another. It was as if each heard the other one say, "Relax, it's okay. No harm."

They held hands all the way there and for the first time in days Chizuru actually was able to release a lot of stress. Feeling Kazuya's trembling hands helped a lot, his words and appreciation more, holding hands to Donny's a great deal, and a milkshake with a warm toasted corn muffin even more. Together the two discussed their upcoming finals and plans for the summer. Chizuru spoke about trying out for some smaller regional plays. She also was planning on spending more time with her grandmother and seeing about getting any older associates help on landing roles and connections they could provide. Kazuya spoke about how his studies in business admin was coming to graduate-level. He felt he was getting more prepared for a life in the liquor industry and hoped to someday go beyond normal store. Eating together each felt a sense of calm and when finished headed back to their apartments holding hands while smiling all the way. It was the kind of smile, not of romance, but genuine comfort and each felt the other having a relaxed pulse. At their doors they parted with a warm embrace each drifting off to bed feeling calm.

The following night Chizuru arrived at Kazuya's door with a knock and smile. Kazuya came to the door dressed decently and Chizuru dressed a lady. Together they took a taxi to the restaurant their families were meeting at that night and taking a deep breath they walked to the door with their hands at their sides. Walking inside they saw a site they weren't ready to see: Kazuya's grandmother, Kazuya's parents, and Chizuru's grandmother...along with a suitor. All waved and had beaming smile when they saw the young 'couple' come in and see them. Both feeling shocked they took each other's hands in a nanosecond not giving it a second thought and saw each other's trepidation out of the corner of their eyes.

Walking up to their table Kazuya pulled out the chair for Chizuru to everyone making sounds of appreciation. Inside the two of them felt their hearts sinking in their chests and had to just act happy. Chizuru was impressed with Kazuya's ability to act. However, the two of them knew this wasn't acting anymore, but flat-out lying at this point and it made both of them sick to a point. Chizuru made every attempt to stay in full girlfriend-mode, but felt herself slipping. Kazuya had to pick up the slack more and more and said he was planning on bringing his friends to watch her upcoming play and they are getting more interested in theater. Chizuru's grandmother expressed joys to hear of her growing success. Her new boyfriend was impressed and said they'd surely attend.

Kazyua said his studies were taking more of his time and he was considering taking summer courses too. The idea of summer courses appealed to Kazuya's parents to accelerate his learning of the business. Chizuru shot him a glance of thanks and realized this could also lead to a narrative of being too busy and while both knew that was great they also knew that they were digging themselves further into a hole. There was, however, the feeling that they were slowing their descent and providing a chance to stop it and reverse it saying they were drifting apart and then breaking up.

Returning from the restaurant they found the two of themselves holding hands. However, this time they knew it was still from fear and they were actively attempting to comfort the other. Both felt their pulses high and both knew it wasn't from excitement of their time out. They also knew it wasn't from fear they continued to lie. What now frightened them both was Ruka. They worried about how she may react to the news not only did they stay together, but they added to their own 'fantasy' which was keeping things "not that simple."

When they got back to the apartments they decided not to inform Ruka of their time out. The last of the finals would be over this week and they figured once they were over they could go on and just hoped Ruka wouldn't actively confront them. Thursday and Friday passed swiftly and it was a blur as it was for most college students. Saturday morning Kazuya's circle of friends told them of them they were joining them for a round of drinks that night-not a request, but a demand. Kazuya's friends were just as excited as every other student at the end of finals and the summer break starting. Kazuya didn't want to keep on bringing Mizuhara out figuring this would only further complicate the matter. He had wanted to introduce Ruka and knew that he'd need to come alone to some outings to appear it took some time to "find" a new girlfriend as to switch rapidly would look strange. Kuri and Kobi wouldn't be "impressed"-they would be shocked.

Saturday night Kazuya arrived alone joining the group and told everyone that Mizuhara suddenly had more rehearsals. Kobi didn't believe it for a moment sensing something was up and decided he was going to pay Kazuya a little visit at the end of the night. Kobi then grabbed Kuri by the arm and said he needed his help with something on his phone and the signal was better outside. The moment they were outside Kobi told Kuri what he already felt too: Kazuya is hiding something as he surely would have told them immediately when told they were going out for drinks Mizuhara couldn't join them. When the night ended and the girls all went off Kobi grabbed Kazuya and Kuri was right beside him. Although he feigned confusion as to why they wanted to "talk" suddenly he knew instinctively they knew something was up and decided it was time to come clean. Motioning them to a nearby place for a little tea he sat them down and told them both the entire story. Kuri had to play along for a while, but impressed with the rest. He told them everything including how he wanted some time before bringing Ruka. Kuri was displeased at the learning of the new "status" of Ruka and how he'd be seeing her in the future. Kazuya said Ruka wasn't really considering his feelings at the time, but felt he would tell him what's going on and that he'd be understanding. Kobi was angry that Kazuya didn't come forward earlier for while they both were saddened that 'Chizuru' was in fact not what she appeared it saddened them more that he felt he needed to lie to them. Kuri felt bad that their approval literally costed him extra money and angst. They reminded him they are friends and there is no reason to lie to them. The three sat and asked what they told their families. Kazuya winced.

"You didn't tell them did you?" Kobi asked angrily already knowing the answer.

"You can't keep this up. It's no longer unfair to just your families and deluding yourself. Now you're hurting Ruka, keeping up a lie longer. That's uncool Kazuya," Kuri said giving him a truly angry look since it was now "personal" in a way too.

"What do I say?! I don't know what to do. I know what to do, I know what to say, I just don't' know how to do it," Kazuya said exacerbated.

Kobi rolled his eyes, "Dude...the whole 'I got involved with a rental girlfriend due to being dumped and then caught in multiple lies, hurt my friends, hurt myself, and now am hurting someone else who likes me' isn't a situation we know about. None of us do, but what we do know is this: You need to tell them. Listen: there is more stress on your shoulders than all stones on the street. Look...this is like pulling off a Band Aid and you need to do it fast! It will sting, but it won't hurt and hurt and hurt as hairs are pulled with it as you attempt to do it slowly to attempting save yourself the pain. The situation, I suppose, is like any other where you have been lying to people who care about you since you were scared of what they'd think of you. Remember this: Your grandmother loves you, your parents do, and the two of us do. Yes, I would have loved if Chizuru was your girlfriend, but there is more to it. Yes. I gave you permission to be with her, but I have to clarify my permission for women: Only if they're not being rented."

Kuri nodded and said, "Yeah. Everything he said and Kazuya it may help you knowing this: I have greater confidence now in light of learning everything you've told us tonight. You're stronger than I am at times, but I feel I am going to get stronger. That and for god's sake I am glad you're not wasting money on Mizuhara. Rental girlfriends aren't like leasing an apartment or renting a car as those things don't cause emotional attachment. Well maybe a car does, but it is not like a human. Mizuhara was never real and Chizuru isn't interested in you. Time you just accepted that and realize there is someone who is interested in you. She's cute and nice and whether or not it works out at least it is for real."

Kobi and Kuri decided it was time for some tough love and made it known to Kazuya neither would hang out with him until he notifies his family of his status with Mizuhara. Kazuya looked down and acknowledged it is fair and necessary.

Kazuya's summer break started out wonderfully with Monday morning in his apartment sleeping in and awaking with a stretch. Looking over his phone he saw he had no shift at work until tomorrow afternoon. Kazuya thought of calling the guys when he remembered he had to take care of a task before he could do anything further. Suddenly Kazuya's phone went off and Mizuhara said she was coming to back to her unit and to meet her outside. Mizuhara climbed the stairs dressed in a nice outfit straight from a breakfast 'date' and Kazuya rolled his eyes slightly as she came up to him. Mizuhara said they need to push up telling their parents what's going on and when asked why Mizuhara revealed that her grandmother was considering a visit to a spa and he was going to be invited. The two were talking when suddenly they heard footsteps running up the far-side staircase. Both somehow knew it was Ruka as few others would run up with such excitement. Ruka ran up carrying a plastic bag from a local deli.

Ruka sprang into view, "Surrrrprise! I brought us breakfast. I figured you'd be here as you're not working today."

Kazuya saw Mizuhara give him a scared look as he went to hug her and thank her for breakfast.

Mizuhara bowed and said, "Good morning Ruka. I just got back from breakfast with your client who enjoys the French bistro. We had coffee and croissant. Thank you again."

Ruka, not even making full eye-contact, quickly said, "Yeah, you're welcome."

Looking back to Kazuya she exclaimed, "Kazuya! Try this! It's a blueberry muffin. The deli owner said he had to get me try it seeing my bow. He wants to call me "Blueberry" since I am so sweet. I figured I'd ask you first if you want to call me that."

Kazuya thought he'd prefer to call to call her "Rocket Ruka", but quickly said, "He can call you 'Blueberry', but you are my 'Blueberry Muffin.' How is that?"

Ruka swooned and hugged him tightly feeling her pulse rise while saying she loves her new nickname.

"I need to find one for you. 'Shaggy' doesn't sound good...too cartoonish."

"That's a cute nickname Ruka. That deli makes great iced tea. Try some," Mizuhara said.

"Huh? Oh I will. So...what did your families say the other night?" Ruka asked with wide eyes.

Kazuya started to worry, but Mizuhara was fast to say that they didn't see them the other night.

"We're actually creating a narrative, a little way to make things easier, in that we're too busy to see each other and couldn't make dinner. We're drifting apart and know we won't have time and really happier just as friends. We're telling them this Wednesday night. After that things will be less convoluted," Mizuhara said as best she could.

Ruka didn't believe her for a moment and looked to Kazuya and asked him if that were true.

Kazuya kept a straight face and said it was true, but Ruka didn't buy it for a moment.

Ruka looked at both of them hard in the eye and said, "Kazuya...I can feel my pulse dropping. You're lying to me. Admit it to me know and things will be okay. I'll forgive you."

Kazuya wondered if she was bluffing and attempted to bluff he said, "No, we told them what's going on and-"

"Liar! Liars! You're the pathological liars! I hate this! I hate this! I tried being nice and understanding! I tried!" Ruka said starting to shake a little.

Kazuya manned up and said, "I admit it: I lied. However, I am being truthful that we will say it this Wednesday. I will even introduce you the following week to my family. How does that sound?"

Ruka was red in the face, but gained come composure. Looking over to Mizuhara she waited for her admission.

Mizuhara sighed and said, "I admit lying too: My grandmother thinks well of Kazuya. She likes him too. This is as much my fault as Kazuya's, both of us didn't want to sadden them. However, you've been very kind. I don't want to make my appreciation seem anything less than absolute. I hope you'll still be okay with your gesture. Allow me to give you a gift for your next date...one of my favorite clients is the manager of the local IMAX theatre and can get me free tickets anytime...he always takes me to the movies for free. I can't buy forgiveness, but let this be a gesture of wishing to make amends. You are truly with someone who is respected and I know you will take good care of him. I just wanted to spare my grandmother's feelings. Kazuya wished to come forward, but I asked him for one more week. Please don't be angry with him."

Mizuhara's acting ability was sound as a lie was mixed with truth so it was still partially true. Ruka believed it to be, said both are forgiven, and gave permission that they could still see each other to help both adjust to be being friends and no longer bound in mutual lies. Kazuya thanked her with a hug and then looked to Mizuhara. Ruka opened her arms to show Mizuhara there were no hard feelings and she hugged Ruka feeling all was well. Ruka felt her heartbeat stabilize happy it was all out in the open.

"I know this is hard, but admission together is an important step forward. I believe admission is very important as it goes with acceptance and that gives me all the confidence I need for now. Kazuya, would you excuse me please? Mizuhara and I need to have a little talk in private."

Kazuya quickly bowed and saw Ruka narrow her eyes like a hawk about to swoop in on an unsuspecting field mouse. Closing the door to his unit Kazuya worried.

Mizuhara looked Ruka in the eye ready to accept whatever punishment was about to come here way when she simply asked her to stay awake tonight as she needed to talk with her the moment she leaves Kazuya's place later. Mizuhara was scared, but quickly agreed figuring at least she'd be close to Kazuya should he suddenly be needed to be awakened and Ruka left.

Following a pleasant night of watching whatever streaming show was popular that month Kazuya called for a cab and put Ruka inside. Mizuhara heard the cab leaving and figured Ruka had left. Ten minutes later a soft knock got Mizuhara's attention and Ruka softly asked if she could come in the moment Mizuhara opened the door. Ruka quickly entered and Mizuhara shut the door looking at her confused and asked the obvious question.

"I paid the driver for his ride once we were around the corner. I compensated him for the full ride and said I'd give him a call later getting his cell. We need to talk," Ruka said with some determination in her eyes.

"Okay...what's going on?" Mizuhara asked.

Ruka with a slightly angry set of eyes asked her to make her a cup of peppermint tea as she wanted to relax as she sat down at her table. Mizuhara did so and made one for herself before sitting at the table joining Ruka still scared of what was going on. For a moment Mizuhara felt she'd throw the tea in her face.

Ruka took a sip and smiled before saying, "Tell me what Kazuya likes to do for fun."

"What?" Mizuhara asked.

Ruka smiled and looked like a schoolgirl and said, "Tell me what he likes to do for fun. We've had very little time together. Tell me what he likes to do. I figure you know some things by now."

Mizuhara smiled and asked, "Is that all? Is that the reason you wanted to come over? The subject you wanted to talk to me about tonight?! I thought you were ready to push me to the railing and threaten to push me to fall two stories."

Ruka smiled again and said that wasn't her intent and kind of wanted to make it a surprise for Kazuya and not give any clues. Ruka said she wished she had Twinkies with her now. Mizuhara said she had two Drake's Coffee Cakes and brought them to the table. Smiling Ruka proceeded to give an improvised version of "The Twinkie Method" explaining her condition and had Mizuhara get the coffee machine to function as her weight.

Once the lesson was over Mizuhara smiled and said, "Well he loves fish as you've seen from his apartment. Ask him to take you to the aquarium. He loves action movies. He is fond of stuffed grapes for dinner some times. He likes, believe it or not, classical music. There is a great more to him than there is on the surface."

"Thank you, please continue," Ruka said smiling.

Looking both ways, taking a deep breath, and smiling Mizuhara said there is something else she wanted to tell her, but she had to be careful about how to bring it up.

Ruka looked her strangely as Mizuhara looked both ways one more time, smiled, and motioned her in to whisper in her own apartment. Ruka, even while being shorter than Kazuya, was an 18-year old girl in just over 2 months, felt like she was 11 again.

Mizuhara started to whisper and Ruka's jaw dropped when she heard what Mizuhara told her.