A/N: Real life- exhausting. I'm sooo sorry for the delay in updates. I watched the first few episodes of Season 6 and fell in love again with the characters and story. And I've been fighting some cold/cough junk so I have been in bed, plenty of time to write this next chapter. And it's a big one. I'd love to know what you think.

Warning: Intimate scenes ahead. steamy level raised up...nothing too explicit though...

Chapter 58

Eleanor sighed as she awoke the next morning, the sun streaming through the windows. She carefully turned over, careful not to jolt the bed in case John was still slumbering.

"I'm awake," John said, his voice still groggy, "Or at least attempting to be so."

"Oh, my, it's hot already," Eleanor groaned, turning on her side towards him, fanning herself with her shift, trying to get the fabric away from her sticky body, before leaning up on her elbow to study her husband, "Good morning, Lord John."

"Lady John," John turned his head towards her and then smiled at the sight of her, studying him, so intently. "Yes?" he asked, the mirth in his voice. "You are staring at me."

"I suppose I just want to make sure you are still here," Eleanor said, softly. "You are still here, right?"

"Indeed," John turned the rest of his body, "Lay back down."

She laid back on her pillow, "I didn't mean to wake you. We stayed up so late talking," she said, "How are you feeling? I know you must still be exhausted from your travels."

"Yes, I am weary."

"Did I keep you up last night?"

He gave her a small smile, "I am afraid I must accustom myself to sleeping next to another person again. You tossed throughout the night, Eleanor."

"Yes. I fell asleep, but woke in the middle of the night and couldn't quite settle myself back."

"Lost in your thoughts?" John asked, reaching for her hand to kiss it, tenderly.

"Yes," she paused, "And then feeling you next to me...it just stirred emotions in me."

He gave her a small smile, "For I as well." He paused, "There were moments when I wanted to reach out for you, but...I didn't know how you would react to such advances."

She sat up abruptly, "This is absurd." Her shift shifted from her sudden movement, skimming across the top of her breasts.

"Eleanor," John's voice croaked as he sat up to. "Adjust your shift."

"Why?"

"For God's sake, Eleanor," John's voice strained. "Come now. It was your choice to remain celibate between us."

"Does it bother you?" Eleanor said, her eyes on him.

"Clearly, if I am asking you to adjust your shift...it's morning, Eleanor."

"I'm aware," Eleanor raised an eyebrow.

"You are taunting me," John commented, his eyes narrowing, "What are you plotting, Lady John?"

"I don't know," Eleanor answered honestly, "But I do know that me keeping you at arms length isn't working. Stealing kisses and then feeling guilty...And then I keep thinking, that..." she shrugged, her breasts bouncing as she did, drawing John's eyes to her bosom.

"Because I didn't force the issue, I don't want to force it?" John asked, forcing his eyes and meeting hers, just as challenging. "You still think after all this time...it is so very tiresome having the same conversation over and over again, Eleanor. I want you. I want you as my wife. I want you as my partner. And for God's sake, I want your body as much as I want your soul...even if you are an infuriating woman who has been married to four very different men and still have little notion of what men truly want...unless," he paused, his voice steely, "You think me to be half a man due to my," he titled his head back and forth, "preferences."

"You know that is not true."

He inclined his head towards the pillow, "I am calling your bluff, Lady John. Why don't you lay down? I wish for you to be comfortable."

"What are you going to do?" Eleanor asked, but at his pointed look, followed his direction.

"What I should have done last night," he said, "when you started with this nonsense about perhaps I would prefer to be released from the obligation of our union due to my past liaisons. I will honor Jamie's wishes, but there is much you and I can do to reacquaint ourselves then simply intercourse, don't you agree?" He paused, "unless of course, you do not wish to. Do you not wish to?"

"Good Lord," Eleanor squirmed, "I forgot what you were like when you get...so..."

"Yes?" John asked, his hands skimming the fabric of her shift, across her breasts causing her to squirm more. "Clarify your meaning, darling."

"So...well, so..."

He pinched, softly, yet strategically, causing her to moan, "Yes, Eleanor?" he pressed harder...

"Whatever you wish, John," Eleanor said, her voice weak with want.

He laughed and then leaned down to gently kiss her. He leaned up, "I wish to release you from this notion that you have conjured so you wouldn't feel so guilty about being with Jamie. I think it would be best for us both to put this issue to rest in your mind. But I do not wish to use intimacy betwixt us as a way to control you. It has never been such."

"I know...and I love you for that," she said, softly. "I want to be close to you, John. In whatever way you think is proper considering the circumstances...I trust your judgement, and I know this is not about control...but..." she reached up to touch his face, rubbing the smoothness with her fingers, "the love we hold betwixt us...the passion and trust," she paused, "And thanksgiving...that you are home with all of us."

"Well said," John kissed her gently, "Now, I thought you mentioned something about being hot..."

"Did I?" Eleanor asked as he rolled off the bed.

"Don't move," he leaned over her for another kiss before leaving the cabin with the water jug in hand.

He came back a few minutes later. "Did you move?"

"No."

He looked amused, "Did you think naughty thoughts whilst I was gone?"

"Lord John," Eleanor admonished, "I am a lady. That is highly offensive. And yes, of course."

He laughed as he sat on the bed next to her. "Now, where were we? Yes, you are hot. I, myself, am thirsty. But we have a problem."

"I am sure Brianna and Roger left some cups somewhere," Eleanor said.

"I am quite certain they did not. What could we do?" John gently eased down Eleanor's shift off her clammy shoulders. "Perhaps, we could solve both of our predicaments."

Eleanor gave a slight cough, "Perhaps so."

"You must stay very still."

"I can try," Eleanor said, looking at the ceiling.

He studied her body, "I am trying to ascertain the best place to start."

She laughed, her body shaking.

"Still. You are squirming," John admonished, poking her playfully. "I have a question for you."

"Which is?"

"You told me long ago that some men have body part preferences when looking at a woman."

"Yes."

"Did you mean something by it?"

"John, that was years ago."

"Yes and yet with all we have been through..." John dipped his fingers in the water and gently dripped it on her breasts. "You think I am not attracted to the parts which make you distinctively a woman. Like these. I desire today that I reiterate my fondness for all parts of you, especially those that make you distinctively your sex. Would that be agreeable to you, Lady John?"

More water.

Eleanor bit her lip.

John was back...

And it was glorious indeed.

"Of course," Eleanor choked out as John leaned over her, reaching for her hand to squeeze it in his as he refreshed himself.

Eleanor leaned her head on John's chest. "How can we make this work?" she said, softly. "I know you say that I cannot choose based on our children, but my love, I cannot tear apart their family."

"Am I not a part of their family?" John asked, quietly, his hands reaching to gently massage her scalp.

"It's not that," she said, "It's the distance when we are at Josiah's Mt. They need Jamie as much as they need you."

"Eleanor," John's voice was low, "I am willing to make sacrifices for you and the children. The Ridge is a thriving community now. And perhaps, I could find a purpose that would only take me away every few weeks. It will not be easy, but you will have Jamie here whilst I'm gone."

"And if I am pregnant with Jamie's child?" Eleanor said, softly. "Would you want to be released from the obligation of our marriage?"

"There is a solution to that," John said, "under normal circumstances, I would advise you to resume relations with your husband in which case, the child..."

"Frasers are very distinctive," Eleanor said, softly. "And if I am not, it is a risk to my health. It's a death sentence."

"Claire said it wasn't advisable, but...it may not be as dire as you are making it seem. It would come with an increased risk. I believe she was saying considering the children we do have, tis not a risk we should take."

Eleanor bit her lip, "I'm scared of dying."

He adjusted her so he gathered her up more in his arms, "This is not the century to live in."

She laughed even as tears overtook her eyes, "I know."

"Would you wish to be released from our union if you were?" John asked, his voice gentle.

She paused for a few minutes before finally responding, "If you were to leave, John and never come back, I can't live with that. Jamie and I have parented together before and...I think...I think he would understand. I..." she sat up, "Can I tell you something...in confidence?"

"Of course, you may," John sat up with her. "What is it, darling?"

"Jamie..." she took a breath and let it out, "When he is completely exhausted and in a very deep sleep, sometimes...not often, but sometimes..."

"What?" John pressed.

"He will reach for me...but..." Eleanor's cheeks blushed, "he will mutter Claire's name, not my own."

"Oh, darling," John's eyes met hers, "I'm..." He sighed, "not entirely shocked."

"It happened often we were first wed all those years ago and it makes sense...I mean, I had dreams of you in these past months, even when in Jamie's bed, so I can't fault him for it...but I know, his heart...it's drawn between Claire and I, just as my heart is drawn between him and you. And I accept it. Memories of Claire is what got him through Culloden and Ardsmuir, all the difficult times in his life...I do think he and I could build something again, we have built something again and I do love him so deeply but...as irrational as it is considering..."

"It stings your soul to hear her name upon his lips when he is most vulnerable."

She nodded.

"You must tell him and have him search his heart as much as you have searched yours and I have searched mine," John said, quietly.

"There is nothing he can do about Claire," Eleanor said. "I cannot fix that for him."

"If we decide that I will stay at the Ridge," John said, "with you...so Jamie will not have to part from the children, then...perhaps, that would soften the blow...if that is indeed what you wish."

She swallowed hard, "I think I need to talk with Jamie."

John nodded. "I agree."

"Ye look weary, lass," Jamie said as he threw his fishing rod into the river. He was wearing his kilt and looking quite the specimen of manly Scottish charm.

"I suppose I am," Eleanor confessed as she plopped down on the river bank, next to where Jamie was fishing. "I hope you don't mind me intruding on your solitude. I went to the Big House but Jenny said I should come here."

"Aye, I supposed I needed time to think."

She cleared her throat, "I see. I can come back."

Jamie made a guttural noise, reeled in his rod and sat it down. "Ach, no. I willna put ye off, mo ghraidh. What is on yer mind?"

"You. Me. John." Eleanor twisted her braid between her hands.

"Aye, I suppose it tis, aye?"

"Yes," She let out a long breath, studying him as he turned his head towards her to study her.

"I'm listening, lass. Speak what ye need to."

"If you promise to as well," Eleanor said, softly and he nodded.

"I suppose the first thing I should say to you, James, is..." she swallowed hard, "I must apologize to you. I was beastly to you when Claire returned in Scotland. I didn't give you the chance to be the man I know you to be...and make it right for both Claire and myself. And our bairns. And for that, I am truly sorry."

"Ye couldna see how I could be so drawn to Claire without it bein a slight to ye and us," Jamie said, contemplatively. "And now...?"

"I'm so drawn to both you and John and if I could have you both...I would," Eleanor said, "As scandalous as that might be."

"Aye," Jamie gave her the side eye and a bit of a snort, "Tis would be a scandal indeed."

She gave him another grin, "Not entirely unheard of throughout history, though I suppose it was often the man who had multiple wives."

"Aye and would ye have been happy with that? When Claire returned?"

"I think Claire would have had alot to say about that," Eleanor titled his head at him, "And no, because...you and her were so annoying in your undying passion for each other," she tugged a blade of grass off the bank and threw it out him. He snorted again, amused, and Ellie continued, "But faced with the same predicament, I understand the draw you must have felt towards both Claire and myself. And I was a wee bit..." she titled her head side to side, "judgmental about it."

"A wee bit?" Jamie snorted.

"Okay, a whole hell of a bit," Eleanor amended, "But I do understand your hesitation because I feel it too...at this moment...not wanting to let you go nor John."

"Aye," Jamie nodded, "Apology accepted, Eleanor."

"I feel wretched."

"I ken, but I wish ye wouldna," Jamie said. He reached for her hand and squeezed it tightly in his before resting it upon his knee. It was that act of kindness, of familiarity, of love that encouraged Eleanor to press on.

"How are our children?" Eleanor asked, softly.

"They are not themselves," Jamie said, quietly. "They keep asking after ye and John."

"And Mac?"

"Still with Fergus and Marsali."

"Jamie," Eleanor's voice was low, "I must ask you something."

"Aye," Jamie asked, as his free hand went to rest over their joined hands, patting her hand gently. "Ask me anything ye wish, mo ghraidh."

"Does Claire still appear to you? Like she did during Culloden and Ardsmuir and those first few months when we were wed?"

He paused, struggling, but he did not draw away. "Did I...?" he paused.

"Yes, a few times."

"Mo ghraidh. Why did ye not say?"

She shrugged, "I know you cannot help what you dream, Jamie. I dreamt of John as well...and..." she bit her lip. "I know I have a piece of your heart and soul. I have earned it and it's mine and I will always have it, as you will have part of me...but...if I am not the one you truly long for deep in your soul..." she paused, "it's okay to say that to me. It doesn't mean we couldn't still rebuild something beautiful together and we have..."

"But now John is still living..." Jamie said, quietly. "It changes things."

"Yes," Eleanor swallowed hard, "And if Claire was still here, it would change things too, wouldn't it?"

"Aye, say no more, leannan," Jamie said, patting her hand again, "I understand yer meaning."

"But you and I, James Fraser, we are a family," Eleanor reached over with her free hand to turn his face towards her so she could to cup it, "Always. And we will always do right by our children...together."

"I canna be apart from them."

"Oh Jamie," Eleanor's eyes shone with tears, "Do you really think for one moment that John would take your children from you? He loves you as much as I do."

Jamie's eyebrows rose, "He wishes to remain here then?"

"He would travel and do the things politically minded gentleman do... whatever that is ...but yes, we would settle here as a family on the Ridge."

"You dinnae like the Ridge." Jamie wiped the tears off her eyes, with the pad of his thumb, "And John is too much of a gentlemen to live out here. Ach, dinnae weep, mo ghraidh."

"But I love you, James Fraser. As does John. We could never be content knowing we were stealing away your happiness. And if John is willing to make the sacrifice to live here...to watch you thrive as the man you were destined to be...the laird of your people...then who am I to stand in either of your way?"

He leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "I never expected when I saw John yesterday...I fully expected ye to wish to remain with him, but not here, lassie. The thought of the wee uns being away from me...tis was breakin me in two, leannan. I feel as if ye have restored my heart...as ye always do."

"You are far too generous with me...you should be upset at me for breaking my vow to you."

He snorted, "I willna say that I willna miss yer snores and kicks in the wee bits of the night...and the moment when I can feel yer arms around me and ken our love...the way ye look at me at times with those bonny eyes of yers, ye have been an unexpected joy to me these past few months... But I still have ye, Eleanor. And still I need ye here with me at the Ridge, with our wee uns. I canna bear it fer ye or them to leave me."

"I cannot be your wife...but I will be your partner, Jamie. A member of your family. And your friend. Maybe a trusted advisor?"

Jamie grinned, "Aye, verra trusted indeed, lass."

She poked at him, "And I will yield to your wisdom."

"Thank ye for that, alainn ros."

She leaned her head on his shoulder as his arm moved to rest around her waist, pulling him into his side.

"I think what was so hard about before, Jamie, is that we do belong together...you, me and the children...but so do Claire and Brianna and Jemmy and the newest little MacKenzie. I think what you and I really longed for was healing to our family... verses any passion between us..." She sighed, "Not like that was lacking one bit, mind you."

Jamie snorted, "Ach, no. And if John wasna alive..."

"And considering Claire is in her own time..."

"Spending the rest of my days with ye and our bairns, Eleanor, I would have been content with that."

"With occasional visits from Claire in your dreams?" Eleanor said, rather wickedly, for she found that now she got that out in the open, it didn't quite sting as much as it did in the moments.

Jamie laughed and reached up to pat the side of the head, "Tis what I missed most aboot ye, lassie...while we were apart. Ye made me laugh from the verra beginning and tis what I desperately needed to heal my soul."

She smiled, "We did have fun together, did we not?"

"Aye, that we did, when we werena banging heads."

She laughed, "What story will we have to concoct to make this all right?"

Jamie gave her a look, "We will have to think of something. In the meantime..." he shifted, to get more comfortable, but not pulling her away from him, still tucked in his side. "Tis a matter of what happened yesterday between us."

"The potential baby," Eleanor's throat was dry. "God, I am terrified."

"Ach, mo ghraidh, I am sorrit for it." He leaned to kiss her head, tenderly.

She nodded, growing pale, "John says that perhaps if we keep our marriage intact..."

"Ye and him should lay with one another so it canna be a question of a potential that it could be John's," Jamie said, kissing her head again and pulling her closer to him, his stance protective. "Aye, mo ghraidh, perhaps ye should."

"But then...it's a risk, Jamie. Because if I am not pregnant, I could get pregnant...but then if I am..."

"Aye," Jamie said, quietly, his hand moving up to stroke down the stray pieces of her hair, from her braid, "Ye dinnae have to be so fearful of it, Eleanor. Death. Tis a part of life."

"But I am," she said, softly.

"Aye, I ken."

She pulled away and looked into his eyes, the pull towards Jamie fierce.

He moved to thumb her cheek, tenderly. "Ye still feel it. I feel it too. The ache will dim, Eleanor. As long as we still have each other."

"We do," Eleanor said, "John knew that the children and...I...we couldn't bear to leave you."

"Tis a verra gut man, that John Grey," Jamie said, "We will all work out the particulars of ye and him staying at the Ridge. We will make this work, Eleanor. Ye have my word."

She nodded.

"Will ye indulge me one last kiss, mo ghraidh?"

She immediately put her hand back on his face, rubbing his stubble, before kissing him, softly, sweetly...him returning hers with aching tenderness.

"I swear allegiance to ye, Eleanor...fer now until always. And the part of my vows I can fulfill to ye, I will."

She reached to wipe the tears that running down his face as her own flowed, "And mine to you." She gently tugged his ring off her finger, "Will you not save this for Rose? Give it to her husband when she weds?" She gently put it in his hand, closing his hand around it.

"Aye, of course," Jamie sniffed.

"I'm so sorry, Jamie," Eleanor cried. She leaned her forward against his.

"I will forgive ye, lass, of everything...past, present and future... I canna ever hold a burden against ye...ye must follow yer heart, as must I. This is what we must do, although I do admit, it does sting."

"Your sister will hate me again."

"Ach, no," Jamie chuckled. "I will tell her what ye told me aboot calling ye Claire. She will understand that."

She laughed, "Oh, Jamie. I love you. So dearly"

"I love ye too, mo ghraidh."

"How are you faring, Jamie?" John asked as they walked after Jamie returned Eleanor to the cabin and asked John to walk with him.

"I wouldna have felt right if Eleanor did stay with me as my wife," Jamie said, honestly. "Tis been a verra...blessed few months, with me and her and our bairns, but...she is yer wife and ye are so verra gut fer her soul." He paused, turning to his friend, "Will ye be happy?"

He nodded, "If Eleanor and you are happy, I shall be happy too. Tis a small sacrifice, considering all those years you spent apart from the little ones."

"ye canna ken how much this means to me, John."

John looked over and smiled, "I do know...for I am a father too."

"If we are do do this...live as a family, then I wish us to be a family...wee Hugh shall be a part of my clan as weel, as weel as any other bairns to be borne to Eleanor," he paused, slightly. "Even if ye and Eleanor arrange it so we canna ken...if she were to fall with child."

"Ah, do you think that to be advisable?"

"I dinnae ken," Jamie said, "What do you wish?"

"Whatever Eleanor needs to feel at peace. Bearing Hope the way that she did, twas a struggle for her soul, Jamie. If she knows that a baby she carries is yours for certain, I do not know how she will react...she feels guilt for moving on so quickly with you."

"Aye," Jamie nodded. "Do you what you wish John. You have my blessing."

"We are a family," Jamie said to each one of his children, stopping briefly to rest on Mac. He titled his head in the contemplative way he did when making a point, "and as such, Lord John will be treated as a member of our family as he makes a life with Eleanor on the Ridge...as he always has."

"Does that mean I have to listen to him too?" Germain asked, his face scowling and Fergus and Marsali caught Eleanor's eye, who couldn't hide a smirk at Germain's antics.

Jamie bent down on his knee in front of his grandson, "Do ye listen to me as yer grandsire, lad?"

"Aye."

"And Auntie Ellie as yer godmother?"

"Aye."

"Then, aye, I expect ye too, my wee laddie...as I expect any member of this family to." He straightened.

"The Ridge isna going to accept an Englishman, especially one that was the warden of Ardsmuir..." Jenny said, her arms crossed.

"Janet," Jamie held up his hand, "They will if I will. Because they are here by invitation...and we have cared for them, clothed them, provided food, helped build shelter...not to mention, Lord John has visited several times before...he isna unknown except to the newest arrivals. Fergus, spread the word. We will have a celebration tonight, welcoming Lord John home. We will light the fires..."

"Jamie," Eleanor's eyes widened, "That's alot of preparation in short notice."

"Aye, but we have the supplies fer a feast," Jamie said and then gave her a lopsided smile, "Now Mrs. Bug is here and Jenny and Lizzy and Marsali and Susanna...many hands make light work, mo ghraidh. And the days are long. There are many hours left."

"I guess we better get to work," Eleanor said as Hugh toddled over to her and tugged her skirts,

"Mama, I wanna up," Hugh said, whining.

Eleanor plopped him up and handed him to John, "All yours, dearest," she said smiling.

"John and I will wrangle the wee uns," Jamie said, "so ye and the ladies can prepare."

Eleanor nodded, "Very well then. Do you think this will work, Jamie?"

"Aye, it will," Jamie nodded, confidently. "Fer it must work, mo ghraidh."

"I have called ye all here tonight," Jamie said, "to celebrate Lord John's return to us, to his family."

He was standing on the porch, the members of the Ridge gathering around the yard as the bonfire lit up the night. He was wearing his kilt, Fergus by his side, John on his other. Eleanor was standing with Marsali and Jenny, their wee uns, watching their father and grandfather intently. Ian had taken William hunting for the night, Jamie tempted to do what he knew that he should not...claim him as his own.

"Tis an unexpected blessing to have my friend return to us," Jamie said, "and an added blessing that he will make his home, with Eleanor and our bairns among us. I expect him to be treated with the honor and respect ye afford me," Jamie said, "And any member of my family."

He reached for his dirk, "James Mackenzie Fraser, come forward."

Mac exchanged a look with Sam who pushed his brother forward.

Jamie bent down to look his son, square into the eyes, his face serious. He put his hand on Mac's shoulder.

"Ye bear my name, James, and one day, ye will swear yer allegiance and fealty to me as part of the traditions of our clan. But now, in this moment," he used the dirk to cut his own arm, "I have made yer mama a blood oath and now I do the same to ye...as I will do to each of my children and grandchildren. Blood of my blood, bone my bone..." Jamie gently smeared his blood upon Mac's forehead...

The moment was solemn and then Mac launched himself in Jamie's arms.

"Aye, my lad," Jamie leaned and kissed his head before straightening, "Samuel John Fraser, come forward, my wee bloblain." His eyes sparkled as they met his third born son.

Sam nearly hopped up to stand in front of his father and Jamie bent down, "Samuel. Named after one of God's very own prophets and after someone verra dear to my heart...Lord John. I hope ye grow up to be as fine as a man as he..." he smeared the blood, "Blood of my blood, bone of my bone..."

"Rose Ellen Fraser," Jamie said, his voice tender, "Come here to me, my wee lassie."

Eleanor's heart was full as Jamie sought to acknowledge their daughters place in their family, as equal to their sons. He knew that he did so with her in mind and she was grateful, to his openness to giving their daughters the opportunities that wouldn't be afforded for generations. She gently untangled Rose from her side as she shyly stood in front of her Da.

"Ye have been blessed yer mother's spirit, Rose Ellen, and tis a gift ye are to me...an irreplaceable member of our clan...ye also bear my mother's name, ye are beloved," Jamie said, leaning down to gently mark her forehead under her curls. "Blood of my blood, bone of my bone..."

"Hope Emmaline Fraser," Jamie said as Hope stepped up, her curls bouncing. "Ye my love," he crossed her forehead, "will be the strength of our family, with yer spirit...like yer auntie and grandmother before ye. An unstoppable force...ye are blood of my blood, bone of my bone..."

He did the same for wee Germain, Joan and the newest Fraser babe, Felicite before his eyes resting on Hugh, who was toddling up and down the steps.

He bent down and gestured him, "Come here, wee un," Jamie said as he lifted him up. He glanced at John who nodded.

"Hugh Gerard Alexander Armstrong Grey...ye are my godson, borne of two people that I hold most dear..." he gently smeared his forward, "I claim ye as a member of my clan, child of my heart.."

"Da?" Hugh said, his eyes wide.

"Aye," Jamie nodded, kissing his cheek, "Ye are going to grow to be quite braw, wee un, just as yer brothers and cousins before ye." He gave him a kiss and then handed him to John.

He looked out into the crowd, reaching for the whisky that Fergus handed him. "The Frasers of the Ridge are here...slainte mhath" He toasted and then downed his drink.

"Hugh is asleep," Eleanor said, quietly shutting the door to Jamie's room.

Jamie looked up from where he was waiting for her, "Aye, and so are the other wee uns. Are ye ready to leave?"

Eleanor nodded, "Are you sure this is agreeable to you?"

"Aye, ye and John need this night..." Jamie shifted on his feet, "to take care of matters without being worrit aboot me or the wee uns in the other room."

"Yes," Eleanor nodded, growing clammy as she swallowed hard, "I don't know if this is foolish or right, I can't decide. I can walk there myself though."

"Ach, no, it is verra late, lassie. And ye are lookin scarrit of what might be. I will walk with ye and see if I can settle ye on the way. Are ye ready for me to take ye to him?"

"I suppose so," Eleanor said, forcing a smile.

They walked in easy companionship, Jamie telling her a story of his youth that mirrored wee Samuel, causing Eleanor to giggle with mirth.

John was waiting for them on the porch when they approached the cabin.

"Are the little ones asleep?"

"Yes," Eleanor said, "Hugh was the last one to go down. Such an exciting night." She turned to Jamie, "Thank you for walking with me."

"Aye," Jamie leaned to kiss her cheek and then as he drew away, Eleanor's arm shot out for his hand. "Tell me this is what we should do. It's one thing to have an oopsie, it's an entirely another thing to...try."

Jamie sighed, "Mo ghraidh. I canna keep the gossip down on the Ridge. I made my stance clear tonight, but I dinnae think tis quite over with. It will take time for the Ridge to not see ye as..."

"your mistress?"

"Aye," Jamie said, "And I am sorrit for that. Our consciouses are clear, alainn ros."

"Then, I suppose we need to put the pregnancy issue at rest," she said, softly. She glanced at John, who gave her a small smile and inclined his head. He could tell that this was bring to the forefront their intimacy issues from before he left, the fears that plagued and paralyzed her. And he knew that in some ways, Eleanor was more reliant on Jamie in a lot of ways then him at the moment, due to his absence. He also knew that time would rectify it, but sensing what Eleanor needed from his friend, he couldn't deny it.

"I'm certain Mr. Fraser will give you a hug if you need one from him to fortify yourself. Given the circumstances of the past 48 hours, I don't think I could ever begrudge that," John said, quietly.

"Aye," Jamie said, pulling Eleanor to him, holding her tightly, "It will be fine, lassie. Whatever comes. We are a family, ye ken."

"I know," Eleanor squeezed him tightly, gathering her strength. "Thank you for walking with me."

"Of course, leannan, I am always here if ye need me," Jamie said, "especially fer one of my most trusted advisors," he smirked at her.

Eleanor made a face at him, sticking out her tongue.

"There's the Eleanor we know," Jamie said, amused. "That spirit will serve ye...and if I am not mistaken, John, weel tonight."

"James Fraser," Eleanor admonished, poking at him.

"Now, off ye go, lassie." He leaned towards her and whispered in her ear, "Don't look back, mo ghraidh."

He gave her a gentle shove towards the steps, where John was waiting, his hand extended. Eleanor put her hand in his.

Jamie stood and watched as John kissed her gently on the cheek and gripping her hand, opened the door for her, guiding it through, before shutting it firmly.

Jamie let out a long breath, murmured a string of gaelic...a blessing for his beloved Eleanor, before heading home to the children.

Eleanor looked at John as he shut the door, "Today was hard," she murmured.

He nodded, "Come to me, my darling." He gathered his wife into his arms, "Do you have regrets?"

She pulled back and looked into his eyes, "I am steady in what my heart desires."

He traced her jaw line, "And what is that, my love?"

"Happiness and contentedness for all of our sweet Fraser-Grey lads and lasses," Eleanor said, softly, "Firstly."

"Of course," John nodded, "And I think they will be. Tonight was important for that. Jamie acknowledging their place in the family, all of them...including Hugh."

"I think it meant alot to Mac."

"I agree," John said, "Do not fear, love, I do think he will grow to be a man of worth and honor."

She nodded, "He loves hard, but expects alot...I just want him to know he is loved so much in return."

"I think he does...or he will in due time, with patience and guidance from those who love him most...you, Jamie, Fergus, Ian and myself..." John said, kissing her head. "And what else?" he prompted.

"Secondly, my heart..." she gave him a small smile, "is steady in it's desire for you, Lord John Grey. I cannot walk this earth, knowing you too walk this earth, and not be by your side..." she entwined both her hands with his and drew them to their side, "I have missed you from the depths of my soul. You are my soulmate, my other half...and I just feel so blessed, you choose me all those years ago...and now I choose you. I will always choose you, John."

"But your heart is aching tonight, is it not?" John said, his eyes shining with tears, "As mine does...knowing what you and Jamie must be feeling. I do, Eleanor, love you both so much...and perhaps, I should have walked away. But I just could not."

"And I am so glad you did not. The sorrow I feel...for," she bit her lip, "Jamie and I both knew what was right, especially when you offered what you did for our children...the sacrifices you always make for me, John...I'm so underserving, but I will love you until I die..."

"As will I, Eleanor...most fervently," John kissed her gently before pulling away, "the hurt you feel again at separating from Jamie, will ease, my darling. And I do believe your relationship will continue to grow...as friends and partners. You are an integral part of his heart, Eleanor, even if his heart draws him towards another..."

"He didn't deny it," Eleanor said, softly. "What Jamie and I rediscovered was beautiful, even if it was temporary...I'm grateful for the healing it brought to both of us, and maybe that was a purpose in itself. Because I do think we are in a place that he and I can be honest now more than ever with each other...devoid of bitterness and resentment...it will serve our family well. And for that I am grateful. But enough of that," she leaned to kiss him, "It is late and perhaps we should," she paused, clearing her throat, "Go to bed."

"Yes," John's eyes were on her, "You are dressed for bed. I hardly noticed."

Eleanor was wearing her nightgown with a dressing gown over it, her hair down her back.

She laughed, "Susanna helped me with my dress- the one I choose for the gathering needed her assistance. I'm glad my mind captivates you so much, my love," Eleanor teased.

"It does," John smiled, "But tis not a new development. I would never have done well with a dim witted wife."

She laughed more and then her smile slowly faded. "I am fearful to do this..."

"Are memories of before coming back?" John asked, quietly.

She nodded.

"I'm glad you told me," John said, squeezing her hand, "Leave it to me to lead us tonight."

She smiled again at him, her heart overflowing with love for John...his tender, compassionate soul that drew her in every time and held her captive. "Of course."

John undressed as Eleanor reached for her hair brush, brushing out the tangles before sliding off her dressing gown.

John sat down in the middle of the bed, "Come, my love," he said, quietly.

Eleanor climbed on the bed in front of where he was sitting.

John gave her an amused smile, "Come closer, Eleanor. I will not bite," and then he laughed at the look she gave him, for he was known to give her plenty of hearty nips from time to time.

She came sitting on her knees in front of him and he cleared his throat again, "Closer, Lady John." He gently tugged and guided her to sit upon his lap, her legs twining around his waist, her nightgown shoved to her waist.

"There we are," he said, kissing her gently. "Comfortable?"

She was nose to nose with him and she leaned her head into his neck, kissing up and down, breathing in his smell. "God, I've missed you," Eleanor said.

John shuddered, his senses alight with want for Eleanor, holding back earlier after so many months was more of a trial than he let on. "There was not a moment that went by that I didn't not think of what this would feel like again...to hold you, to love you again...you are irreplaceable, Eleanor. I hope you know that."

She kissed him again, shifting up to reach for his nightshirt, tugging it up from underneath her and over his head. They began to kiss more fervently, their senses exploding with want for each other, John working his way down the opening of her nightgown, before saying,

"Blast it," and tugging it forcefully up and over her head throwing it towards the end of the bed. "Now, that's better."

They began to kiss more and more until Eleanor gripped his wrist, pulling it away from her.

She pulled back slightly to look at him, "I'm...I'm..." her eyes met his.

He nodded and then wrapped his arms around her, his head kissing her shoulder, holding her tightly.

"Eleanor, you are trembling," His voice held his concern. "We don't have to...I swear to you, even if you are with child...I will raise this child as my own and love this child as much as I love any child of yours."

"I know you will," Eleanor said, softly, pulling away, "Just always know...how much I love you, Lord John Grey," Eleanor said, taking his hand and placing it on her heart. "You are the gift my soul didn't know it needed, but once given, the one it cannot live without. If I am trembling, it is part fear with heady dose of desire and longing mixed in. And if I weep, it is out of love for you and the healing that my soul is undertaking by being one with you again."

"Oh, my sweet Eleanor, how I love you..." He gripped her hips and adjust her upon him and her trembling increased tenfold.

It was intimate and sensual and everything they both desired from each other at the moment, clinging to each other as they became one again.

"I have you," John murmured, "Take a breath. There we are, my love. How does it feel?" He rubbed her back with his hands.

"It feels..." She shuddered, "Amazing."

He laughed and then kissed her again before slowly moving with her, entwined together as one.

Three Months (and a few centuries) later:

"Roger, can you get that?" Brianna asked as she juggled a screaming Mandy in her arms. Jemmy was playing with his cars. "Roger! Oh, never mind..." Brianna rolled her eyes as she traipsed across Jemmy's toys, her feet planting into the shag carpet.

She reached for the phone, juggling Mandy who settled, "Hello."

She nearly dropped the phone, "Jemmy, get her father, now." She turned back, "No, it's okay. I still hear you. Don't shout, just talk normally. Give me details. Where are you? Are you okay? No, we will come to you. Don't try to...just you need to find a place that is safe for a few hours until we can get there. I am not sure about flights."

Roger came in the room, "What is it?"

Brianna handed Roger the phone, "Here, talk to Roger. Mandy is crying again."

Roger took the phone as Claire came in, carrying groceries.

"What is wrong?" she said, immediately, sensing the chaotic moment she walked into. "What has happened?"

Brianna turned to her, patting Mandy's bottom, trying to soothe her baby, who was fussing, "It's..." she paused, her voice holding her wonder, "I can't believe it."

"What?" Claire said, urgently, "What is it, Brianna?"

"It's Mac."

"Mac?" Claire questioned. "As in..."

"James Mackenzie Fraser. My brother."

"What about him?" Claire asked frowning.

"He's here."

"Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ," Claire said, the groceries falling out of her hands and onto the ground.