Chapter Eleven: Recalibration and Reassessment
The following morning Ruka walked anxiously up and down the street just outside a local shrine when she saw Sumi walking up smiling. Sumi watched reservedly as Ruka came up to her happily waving, but clearly distressed.
Sumi timidly walked over as Ruka opened her arms indicating she needed a hug. Sumi opened her arms a little and hugged Ruka who was actually shaking a little. Releasing the hug Ruka motioned Sumi to a bench by the shrine and sat down. Sumi looked at her with wonder and innocent eyes.
Ruka looked very nervous and bordering on being flustered said, "Thank you so much for coming. I know...I know I was vague when I told you I needed to see you and just to talk to you a while. I need you and was considering renting you via Diamond paying you for your time. I wasn't sure if I should rent you or if that'd be insulting, but I need you, and I'm all tied in knots. I was worried I don't know-"
"Calm down. S-Slow down. It's...it's okay. Just slow down. Just...uh...just tell me what's bothering you so much. Tell me what's going on and I'll help you the best I can," Sumi said with in an attempt to calm Ruka, but clearly was nervous too.
Ruka took a deep breath and told her of the events the night of her PPS episodes on the street with the drunken girls. Crying a few tears she went on to speaking about how even the attempts by Kazuya to reassure her led to a possible zone-violation and another episode. Sumi listened with wide eyes nodding and saying she was sorry it was all happening.
"I am glad you talked to Mizuhara. She is like a big sister to me, a mentor, and even a protector. I trust her and come to her on occasion with my fears and hardships. She doesn't come to me often, she's so strong, but whenever she does I am eager to help. She's very close to me, a good friend. How can I help you?" Sumi asked while smiling.
Ruka started to panic and said,"Well that's it. I mean...uh...you have to understand... look you were at Kazuya's when I explained my condition. So much of it is buried at a sub-conscious level. I cannot find focus. Sumi...I am broken...and am having a lot of trouble feeling I have any sense of control. I need to re-calibrate, to realign. I was scared to ask you here to help, but I was more scared if I didn't. You need to understand: You're someone I trusted right away and that rarely happens. You make me feel very calm and I consider you a friend, someone I trust. I couldn't fathom paying you, but I worried I would be taking advantage of you or using you. You are someone who I feel can help and I don't want to feel I am using you, but I don't know what to do and-"
With a little smile Sumi shushed Ruka and gave her a warm hug. Sumi felt Ruka shaking her in her arms on the verge of tears. Sumi let go and looked Ruka in the eyes with a smile.
"Calm down. That's what friends do for one another. I consider you a friend too, I am honored to be your friend. I understand how you feel on some level. Kazuya made me feel very calm and relieved after he saved me from the 'thugs' at the bowling alley, Mizuhara makes me feel good by teaching me and making me not feel alone in my career learning, and you actually give me confidence and make me feel good too," Sumi said with a smile.
"I...I do?" Ruka asked curiously as she started to calm.
"Yes. Yes, you do. When you met me I was shaking. I was scared of not being welcome during Kazuya's time in the hospital. Mizuhara said we owed him a visit. She's so strong. She told me we were going, it wasn't a choice after I initially questioned if we should go. However, I wasn't just scared of not being welcome...I heard you down the hall, we both heard you, telling Mami to stay away from the door. We heard you threaten to cut her with a scalpel if she took a step forward. You were ready to fight to defend Kazuya when he needed support most, you were fighting so hard you nearly had a PPS...what did you call it... 'episode.' You are such a fighter. You have such bravery standing up for whatever you believe. I could feel your determination and it was so powerful it was making me shake too. It was one of those 'I don't want to be on her bad side' moments," Sumi said with a smile.
Ruka calmed and thanked her and said when she's too scared or feels close to passing out she thinks of being at a shrine.
"Kazuya and I have visited a few even when I was okay to help give mental assurance and good memories, but I need more help today," Ruka said looking a little up with hope
Sumi smiled while motioning Ruka to follow her while saying, "I actually meditate sometimes at this very shrine. That's why I knew this location the moment you told me. Come on...let's go sit down together. It's time to quiet your mind. Stop engaging your thoughts, stop fighting with yourself, and just listen to the sounds around you. Come on...that's what the monks who run the monastery nearby tell me. I go there sometimes. One monk teaches me calligraphy during their 'community nights'...you and Kazuya should join me and Gogin one night. Come on, let's go over by the bell, there are good places to sit."
Walking over to the donation box they put in some money and set out to sit on the wooden patio on the side furthest from the street. Sumi instructed Ruka to take off her shoes and assume the Lotus position. Ruka sat and closed her eyes next to Sumi and just listened to the sounds around her. The sounds of people walking past talking on their phones, cars, and more made a cacophony of sounds. Sumi told her to focus on the sounds of the wind and bell ringing, the sounds of the tree branches, and just listen to the sounds and nothing else.
"Don't think of yourself, me, Kazuya, Mizuhara, your friends, your family, and surely not about fears. Just listen and don't try to be anything right now. Don't try to be calm, don't try to be happy, don't try to be confidant, just be. Be here with me as a companion, but be alone in your mind and just listen to all around you. Listen, don't think. Be in the darkness and just listen to sound. Eventually your mind will calm and after you feel a sense of calm open your eyes and look over to me. If my eyes are closed whisper my name quietly and we will continue," Sumi said with calm eyes.
"Where did you learn all this from Sumi? You sound like you could lead a guided meditation class," Ruka said finding her knowledge and technique impressive.
Sumi laughed a little and said, "From Gogin. He comes here to meditate when he feels a great amount of stress at times. He started taking me...he says I relax him too. Thanks again for introducing us. He is painting a picture of my dog and I am creating a calligraphic for him on the weekend. I love spending time with him not just because of who he is, but there is a joy in helping someone at a level when you can. I know Mizuhara and Kazuya enjoyed helping me...and I will take joy in helping you. Now...close your eyes."
Ruka closed her eyes and took a deep breath. At first her mind kept replaying the events of the night outside the bar with the "slightly buzzed" girls, but she fought it off. The sounds of the early morning commuters on the street filled her mind and she fought that off too. She slowly heard the sound only of cars softly and the commuters walking while talking on their phones had quieted. She continued breathing softly and deeply. She envisioned the shrine itself and just imagined the morning light around it and heard the wind going through branches, leaves rustling, against the tile outside the shrine itself, and kept her mind almost focused on being not focused. She listened more and heard the sound of her own breathing and heard her heart beating at a steady rhytym within her desired range. Keeping her mind quiet she just listened and heard the birds above and the wind causing the bell to ring.
Sumi looked on smiling and gave a wave towards the monestary across the street. A monk in a yellow and red robe smiled back with a nod. Closing her eyes Sumi joined Ruka in quiet thought and just focused on listening to the world. Ruka had become very centered and heart only her heart beating, her own breathing, and the sound of the leaves rustling in the wind.
A gentle patting on her hand from Sumi made her slowly open her eyes.
Looking up Ruka saw a monk in a yellow and red robe holding a wooden block with three cups of steaming tea.
Sumi stood and bowed and introduced the calligrapher of the monastery. The monk placed the block of tea down and bowed. Ruka started to get up when the monk motioned her to stay seated.
"I have something for you. Your friend here told me a friend has been under great stress as of late. I have made this just for you," the monk said smiling as he took out a scroll.
Ruka smiled and thanked him and slowly unfurled the scroll and inside was written:
"The strength of our stress is only what we allow"
The monk went on to say that while conceptually simple he knew it was no easy task to control the strength of stresses, but keeping an idea of our control of anything in life helps. Gesturing towards the cups of tea he invited both to drink as he took his cup. Ruka thanked him for his gift, the tea, and his time. Ruka said she already feels better remembering there are those around her who care.
When the tea was finished the monk bowed and left with the cups and wooden block while inviting the girls to stay as long as they wished.
Ruka smiled to Sumi again thanking her for her time giving her a warm hug. After releasing Sumi smiled and put her phone on the top of the bench and set the timer and invited her to join her closing her eyes and said she wanted to just talk for a moment about something they each wish to do and envision it.
"Gogin has shown me focus is great. Focus can help us calm and allow us to 'defend' ourselves from the stresses we all face. However, he added that focusing on a goal—a desire—can help point a compass in one's mind towards pleasures, a motivation, a 'good stress' if you will to balance out the 'bad stresses' is quite powerful too. It's all 'very Zen' as he says. He's really special to me as he sees things in me that no one else seems to and he brings me much joy. Allow me to help you find some too," Sumi said with a sweet smile.
Smiling Ruka said, "That sounds great. Gogin is a special guy. The truth? Moments after I met you I felt you two would make a great match. There is a match for the reason, ironically, of opposites. You're Yin to his Yang. The two of you seem to find 'a match in your differences', a connection."
Sumi smiled and pulled from her jacket a Ying Yang on silver chain and smiled while saying it was a gift she was giving Gogin next month.
Ruka smiled and shook her head happily sayings, "You and Gogin truly do make a great pair."
Sumi smiled and took a deep breath and said, "Okay, now close your eyes again. Tell me something you wish to do later in life, a goal. Tell me a desire beyond what you think is possible for now. I don't want you to tell me you want to see a certain movie, tell me something you want almost beyond what you feel is possible now. We are seeking a dream, something for which to reach almost 'too high above us.' Keep you eyes closed and tell me what you see. Afterwards you will guide me to reciprocate, a circle."
Ruka smiled as she closed her eyes and said, "Okay...someday I wish to skydive. I want to be up high and feel the wind whipping around, the force so great it almost wants to keep me in the plane. I want to feel the drive to actually need to push myself to my own desires...almost as if the final hinderance is the first joy: to press on in the final moments of challenge."
Sumi smiled and asked her to describe what each of the five senses would produce.
Taking a deep breath Ruka continued, "I see myself strapping on a Go Pro camera and, while I perhaps a tad cliched, film it all. I want to be able to relive it anytime I want to feel the range of fear to excitement and be joyful for both again. I see the blue sky all around, I feel the air as it whips against the suit, almost ripping it apart. I hear the air moving so fast I couldn't even speak a word, smell the Nylon from the jumpsuit, and all I taste is excitement."
Smiling with pride in seeing her friend happily taking part in the exercise Sumi told Ruka it sounded great and to focus on it and picture the dive from the moment she jumps to landing on the ground as the parachute folds around covering her. Ruka smiled and Sumi told her to slowly open her eyes.
Ruka smiled wide saying she felt great.
Feeling like a child trading secrets Ruka said, "Okay your turn!"
Sumi smiled and took a deep breath before saying, "I want to swim with the dolphins. I envision myself with Gogin on a day-trip by train starting at sunrise, enjoy brunch at a nice restaurant, and swim with the dolphins. In the evening we come back by train under the stars. I want to see them as they come up with curiosity and interact if possible."
Ruka laughed and said, "That seems like a great time. Tell me what you envision."
Taking a deep breath Sumi said, "Thanks to your suggestion I can now see myself now strapping on a Go Pro camera also so I too will be able to relive it anytime I want to feel the excitement and joy again. I see the blue of the ocean and gray forms turning into dolphins swimming towards us, I hear the sound of my breath through the SCUBA respirator, I can smell the inside of the mask, almost taste the ocean over the rubber mouthpiece, and almost feel a dolphin swim past my hand...a feeling I yet do not yet know, but have only an idea. I guess part of the excitement is the idea of exploration itself. You don't know what it feels like to skydive and I have never touched any thing living in the ocean except those little fish you find a the beach who may come up and touch your fingers. The idea of a creature being curious enough to interact with me harmlessly always is appealing. I guess it comes from being shy."
Ruka watched Sumi slowly open her eyes and motioned for her to stand. Going back to the bench Sumi asked a monk to take their picture together smiling.
"You keep this on your phone. You keep this when you need to calm yourself. Keep it nearby, maybe it will help," Sumi said with a smile as she texted the photo over.
Ruka thanked her with a single tear and hugged her again saying, "You're very huggable you know that?"
Smiling and hugging her back Sumi said, "Gogin says so too."
The two walked to Yuuto's deli and got on line to order breakfast.
Reaching the front of the line Yuuto smiled and said, "Hey 'Blueberry', hey 'Cinnamon' how are you? It's nice to see you two! Sit down, sit down. I know what you're about to order."
Sitting down and talking exactly what they wanted to order arrived at their table a few minutes later. Yuuto smiled and says he remembers what his patrons liked and left with a wave.
Walking Sumi to the subway station Ruka thanked her again with serious and tender eyes. Sumi said to call her anytime as she considers her friends' welfare paramount. Ruka blushed saying she was truly a pure soul. They bowed to one another and departed.
The following evening Ruka and Kazuya left from the movies and on the way back to campus encountered the same girls from the infamous bar which always attracts "the very best clientele" on their way to the movies. Ruka immediately got worried, but internally told herself to calm and not allow an episode. The girls, sober and remorseful, slowly came up to Ruka apologizing for their previous encounters. Ruka still felt her pulse rising and felt Hirano give a two-vibrate warning.
Ruka grit her teeth saying, "No...no! Not now..."
Closing her eyes Ruka just thought of sitting with Sumi at the shrine and felt Hirano give a single-vibrate warning.
The second girl said she was sorry for how she acted not fully remembering what was going on at the time.
"The head of our sorority heard of our behavior and said our conduct was dishonorable. Our sister here told us how we acted that night," the second girl said.
Ruka gave a weak smile.
The third girl said she was especially sorry about her conduct.
"We know things can get tough and guys are paradoxically the things which can make us happy and very vengeful and disrespectful towards each other. I know we all have it in ourselves, but our sisterhood needs to be stronger than most women...we pledge that very belief," the third girl said.
The first girl nodded with the thoughts of the other two and said, "Please forgive us...the honor of our sorority is at stake."
All three women bowed to Ruka and looked up to see Ruka crying while nodding.
The three sisters, one by one, hugged Ruka hard saying they were again sorry and that women truly hunt for one another, but as sorority sisters they must be stronger. The first girl offered to personally introduce her to the chapter head and said they need women such as her to join them. Ruka dried her tears and told her that sounded nice and took her email address saying she'd like to get to know them better seeing the honor they showed her today and all three smiled as they again bowed.
Parting ways Ruka hugged Kazuya hard and thanked him.
"Why are you thanking me?" Kazuya asked shocked with a smile.
"That's for standing by and putting up with me. I know I'm not easy to have as a girlfriend. Mami may have been mean to you, but she didn't attract the ire of other women causing her to drop to the street disrupting the evening," Ruka said smiling and rolling her eyes.
"Ruka...you are unique. You are truly unique in many a way, but not a burden. Besides I am or was a loser. Mami taught me that...she showed ultimately how weak I am or was. Mizuhara did some whipping me into shape. Sumi taught me some of the very patience I do my best to show you and as for you...you're teaching me I can grow, that you can grow, and hopefully together we are growing," Kazuya said.
"You sure sound more mature. Have you been reading from Kobi's books and websites?" Ruka asked looking at him strangely.
Kazuya winked and pulled her close walking down the street and returned to his apartment.
During their evening together while enjoyed emotionally Ruka still was angry at her own body. She was angrier further at herself for allowing herself to be angry over something she knows she isn't at fault for as we don't get to chose our own DNA. Ruka felt very angry at herself for really pondering this kind of thought as it was never something she had to deal with, not since she was very young. As Ruka got out of the taxi back home she felt a double-vibrate warning of activity being too high and realized her attempts at control may not be enough and had the realization to accept a lower-range in life once again. She felt angry at herself as she slipped off to sleep.
In a dreamworld Ruka sat at the outdoor café by a bay of clear water frequented by members of Sapphire and Diamond girls alike for their dates. It was dark and there wasn't anyone in the café except for a few couples talking underneath heat lamps. At the far side of the café Mizuhara sat looking up the walkway waiting for someone.
"Have you seen Kazuya? I was supposed to meet him here," Ruka said.
"No, I haven't seen him. I'm waiting on Kage. I'll let him know you're here if I see him first," Mizuhara said.
Ruka looked and looked not seeing anyone coming down the walkway by the bay. Finally she saw a figure walking towards her and she called out wondering if it was Kazuya. It was too dark and she looked for her torch, and saw it was in her hand, but it was unlit. She called out again at the figure walking, but it was still too dark. The figure was getting closer, but she still couldn't see who it was and suddenly heard a buzzing.
Ruka awoke in the dark after hearing a double-vibrate warning coming from her nightstand and glanced at her phone seeing a low-range warning. Ruka shook her head as she pulled up her photos and looked at some with Kazuya feeling her heartbeat rising and smiled in the dark before putting it down and returning to sleep.
Across town Mami lay in bed awake angry at her fortune. It seemed time was quickly running out as her father was about to bring a new "suitor" into her life. Knowing who he was she dashed to social media earlier in the evening and felt despondent having learned more about him and was already contemplating how to end this "courtship" before it started. She wondered if she could enlist her friends to attempt to seduce him, but figured that was too much like TV. She wondered about bribing some girls she knew in class who may need money as everyone has a price. She even thought of postings of escorts and strippers, anything to create confusion and plant the idea of infidelity or possibility of promiscuity...anything to avoid another 'great guy' her father was going to set her up with and didn't know how much longer she could keep this up. Mami knew she was strong and had ideas and the will, but she worried sooner or later her father would send her a horrible guy who was also too smart to see through her attempts to break them up. Mami feared a war of attrition may eventually cause her to surrender at least until her father passed. In the dark Mami closed her fist with resolve and sent out a text message to her group of friends.
Friday night the group gathered at their favorite tavern. The group told Ruka and Kazuya that Mami had requested to return to the group and although angry and mistrustful on the inside did their best to be accepting on the outside. When Mami arrived all smiles once again Ruka didn't buy it for a moment and felt Hirano give a double-vibrate warning as Mami came over to say hello. Ruka fought off the need to grit her teeth and just pictured Sumi sitting with her eyes closed at the shrine.
The group dined and drank and spoke about the normal range of topics. Kobi said it was a long time since she stormed out of the hospital and asked why she wished to return now. Mami expressed the need to leave the past behind, wanted to see everyone again, and look forward to better times as she made sure to sit at the other end of the table in an attempt to keep Ruka "off her game" knowing she didn't trust her at all. Getting permission from Ruka the girls told Mami the ordeal of Ruka's night when she asked about the rumors she'd heard around campus about her falling to the ground outside the bar. Mami listened intently and expressed her empathy. Ruka couldn't tell whether or not Mami was telling the truth. Ruka thanked Mami honestly when she told her she was sorry about the sorority sisters and said she knows, personally, just how horrible women can be to each other hanging her head in a little shame. Checking Hirano Ruka saw she was in the acceptable range and nodded back.
When the bill was being brought over and people reached for their wallets and purses Mami shot Kazuya a quick text and went outside. A few minutes later Kazuya looked at his phone and excused himself to make a call outside. Ruka didn't notice Mami followed him outside thinking she must have gone to the ladies room.
"What's this about?" Kazuya asked in the parking lot in a very defensive way
"Kazuya, we need to talk. I didn't send a text until tonight since I didn't want cause any friction with Ruka. I need your help. My father is about to set me up with a guy I don't want to be with and I need someone who can help me avoid it. You're my best bet," Mami said with urgent eyes.
"What? I'm your 'best bet'? What are you talking about? You left me 'at the table with nothing'. I made such a 'bad bet' after you I ended up losing so much I needed to get a job at Karaoke Village. You and I aren't 'gambling' on anything Mami-Chan," Kazuya laughed at his own joke.
Mami winced a little and said, "Yeah...about that...I can help you. Really we can help each other. I have a proposal I think you'll find very good and-"
"Mami! Mami, we're leaving and need to pay. Your check is on your plate," One of Kazuya's female friends said.
Mami said she'd be right in and looked to Kazuya with soft eyes and said, "I'll go inside and you stay here. This way you don't look like you were speaking to me. I'll pay your tab. Call it is a gesture to hear me out. I'll be over the next time you're free tomorrow. When are you available?"
Without giving it a second thought Kazuya said at 15:00. Mami nodded and told him to tell no one. Kazuya wondered why he would tell anyone.
While walking Ruka outside and waiting for a taxi she felt pulse slowing around Kazuya as she noticed he was sweating.
"Kazuya, are you okay? Did you eat a few too many chips with salsa?" Ruka asked seeing his brow.
"Uhhhh...no...just...uh...just eager to get back home. I am not sure if the chilidog I had is agreeing with me," Kazuya said the same way he denied Mizuhara knowing he was "dating" Sumi in her mind to Mami at the bowling alley.
"Kazuya...I can feel my pulse dropping. I know you're lying. You have one chance to tell me what's wrong. One chance," Ruka said with determination.
Kazuya knew he better not lie and came clean, "Mami said she wanted to talk to me about something afternoon, but she didn't want—"
"What?! Are you kidding me?! Why would you talk to her?! I forbid you to see her! FORBID!" Ruka shouted.
Hirano suddenly gave a three-vibrate warning and Ruka grit her teeth, "No! NO! Not...not this time! No!"
Ruka stopped and took a deep breath and wasn't sure if she ask for a hug, run, or strike at Kazuya.
Kazuya acted with compassion and hugged her telling her he'd cancel on her. Ruka felt her pulse start to slow and Hirano give a two-vibrate warning. Ruka's vision started to blur for a minute and she pulled Kazuya off the sidewalk where lost the contents of her stomach on the grass. Kazuya was worried and helped her back inside to the ladies room. Ruka hurriedly cleaned herself up and came back in tears and hugged Kazuya hard and pulled him to a nearby bench crying and apologized.
"Kazuya, I am sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't see straight. Kazuya...I'm 'broken'...I can't see straight, literally. Hold me. Hold me, please," Ruka said.
Kazuya hugged her, rubbed her back, and said to not worry. Kazuya heard a single-vibrate warning and smiled knowing Ruka's pulse was stabilizing.
"Ruka, I know this can't be easy. I give you credit for all you're facing. I know you're not 'allowed' to have normal anger and reactions. You're also as new to love to love as I am," Kazuya said.
"You...you really have been listening. You really have learned. Kazuya, I am starting to think you're too good for me. Anyone else would say I am a handful, that I am a brat, and that I should be dumped, that there are easier girls to be with...one who doesn't freak out all the time. I don't want you to be with me out of guilt," Ruka said as she started to cry again.
Kazuya smiled and gently wiped the tears from her eyes saying he knows he is far from perfect. Ruka closed her eyes and held Kazuya close. Ruka wiped her eyes and released the hug.
Shaking his head Kazuya said, "Ruka, I have cried over my life several times. I have cried over Mizuhara, Mami, and you."
Turning her head to see Kazuya in tears caused Ruka to cry again and put her arms back around Kazuya who hugged Ruka closer and said it's time they took a walk and maybe find a pretzel. Ruka smiled, wiped away her tears, and said he shows remarkable stamina dealing with her. Kazuya said he knew he wasn't exactly a polished prize either. Together they walked off and Ruka confessed her feelings and lamenting her anger isn't really at him.
Ruka thought of the calligraphic the monk gave her and said, "Kazuya, I am trapped. I cannot escape my DNA and consciously I know that, but I keep on getting angry at myself for things I cannot control. I then get angry that I am allowing myself to get angry. I get twisted up and what is causing me real grief is that this is all twisted around us. Our own relationship is causing problems in our relationship. I know they say 'love hurts', but with me that is literal and it is really starting to anger me, I don't know what to do."
"I don't either, but being with you provides me far more joy than anguish," Kazuya said.
Ruka held him close as they went off to look for a food vendor and found one selling crepes which they happily shared before putting Ruka in a cab heading home. An hour after Kazuya arrived home he sent a text to Mami saying Ruka requested they didn't meet.
Kazuya's phone immediately rang and he picked up to hear Mami, "Kazuya! Don't let a woman run your life. You, sadly, already know what can happen. Listen closely: I need to see you, but you have my word as an ex this is not to get you back. I know you're with Ruka and look happy and what I need you for is nothing romantic so drop your ego."
Kazuya sweat and said, "Okay. You promise? I want to be my own man and I'll see you tomorrow."
The following afternoon Kazuya waited anxiously and received a text from Mami saying she was at the foot of his stairs. Kazuya quickly opened his door, Mami put her sneakers next to Mizuhara's crocs, and entered discretely.
Ruka walked into Yuuto's deli eager to buy a little snack and surprise Kazuya with an afternoon treat as a thank you and apology. Happily exiting she waited for the bus towards the college campus.
Sitting down at the other end of the couch Mami asked Kazuya join her and said, "Okay here's what's going on: I want to make you my 'rental boyfriend', but not for emotional support. I want it to appear you're dating me to ward off any guy my father wishes to send my way. In exchange for time spent with me I'll make sure to compensate you and help you earn back the money you spent 'dating' Mizuhara."
Kazuya smiled feeling some amount of pride and asked, "Why me?"
Mami rolled her eyes, "Get off your high-horse Kazuya. I'm not getting on my knees for you. It's just that your family owns a liquor store. I can appear to be with you, someone who has a family with a business, and my dad won't attempt to set me up with any guy. I want to keep it up until I graduate and then once earn enough from a real employer I will move out and be done with this obligation and charade. It shouldn't be more than a year. During that time you get to enjoy dinner at my parents house on occasion and even go to the movies or other places in order to maintain the appearance of the 'relationship.' I'll even help out at your store building up experience and I'd do it for nothing. It could even make us look like we're dating all the more. What do you say?"
Kazuya pondered it and said it would be nice to earn back the money he lost from keeping a lie. Smiling Kazuya pointed out the irony of being with a rental is to get okay to eventually meet someone and he was being turned him into a rental boyfriend to keep her from meeting people. The two made the agreement and said they'd work out details later when they heard an excited knock on the door.
"Kazuyaaaaa! Surprise! I brought over a treat. Let me in!" Ruka shouted with joy outside.
Mami turned a stark white as did Kazuya and Mami started looking around knowing that she couldn't hide anywhere and worse Kazuya couldn't keep secrets from Ruka and glanced towards the end of the living room.
"B-be right there. Just coming out from the bathroom," Kazuya said.
Opening the door Ruka flew into his arms and nearly bowled him over. Kazuya smiled and Ruka pulled him into the kitchen and suddenly heard the sound of a tree branch breaking and a body hit the ground followed by a groan. Glancing at Kazuya with eyes of flame she knew that sound all too well and ran through his deck door to look over the railing to see Mami on the ground getting up to dust herself off.
Ruka growled like a lioness and ran toward Kazuya before swiftly suffering a PPS episode and dropping to the floor shaking a lot. Mami came back up stairs a little scuffed up and shaking her head gave Kazuya her purse who put it under Ruka's head. Once again a computerized voice came over Ruka's wrist-monitor saying, "ERROR 6! RESET! ERROR 6! RESET! Set parameters exceeded! Contacting EMS!" The message repeated itself.
Ruka glared at the two of them angrily as she came back to consciousness, and started to get up, when the video was initiated told the EMS tech it was a false-alarm.
"Are you sure? Hirano shows a pulse-spike. Your current heart-rate is way up. Are you sure you want us to cancel the ambulance? We need to reset your monitor anyway. You don't want to take a taxi here do you?" The EMS operator responded.
"Fine. Send an ambulance, but I don't need to go to the hospital. I'm fine. My boyfriend here just shocked me with a major revelation about our relationship," Ruka said in an angry voice.
The EMS tech said he was sending an ambulance and it would be over fast.
"I don't know what's going on and frankly I don't care. I am going outside. You! Stay here! Don't call me. You! If I see you again I will slash you open with a broken bottle!" Ruka said while shaking a lot.
Ruka opened the door and slammed it shut heading downstairs. Kazuya bolted for the door before being held back by Mami.
"It's okay, I'll get her. She'll respond better to me knowing I am in no condition to fight her and at least listen to me," Mami said.
Kazuya realized maybe she was right and stayed in the apartment.
Hurrying down the stairs Ruka glared at Mami saying she was ready to fight. Mami said she wasn't in any condition and just asked she hear her out. Ruka said to talk fast as the ambulance would be there any minute. Mami proceeded to tell her everything coming clean. Ruka said she gets the gist of it as the paramedics arrived and reset her heart monitor. The moment the ambulance crew left Ruka kept her eyes on the ground feeling very weak and sad at herself said she was leaving and said to tell Kazuya whatever he wants to do she'll be okay with as can't say no to him. Mami started to reach out a hand when Ruka said to leave her alone.
Mami went back upstairs and told Kazuya what had happened.
"Is...is she still my girlfriend?! So help me if this ended my relationship with her our deal's off."
"She said she's okay with it Kazuya. Give her a few days and then call her. I am willing to bet...uh...feel strongly she'll say everything is okay. Look at it this way: either way you can earn back what you've lost as I'll still honor the payment portion since you agreed to give it a shot."
"Thanks, but I don't care about the money, I care about her," Kazuya said.
"You really love her don't you? You've truly matured. I have to say Kazuya, that's really impressive. Remember: When one door closes another opens. Think it over, I still need to have a relationship...any kind...in order to escape my father's plans," Mami said with a smile as she left.
Kazuya stood in his doorway with his jaw dropped for several minutes before closing the door.
In a dreamworld once again Ruka found herself at the café by the docks. It was daytime and the place was bustling with people. At the table next to hers she saw Gogin and Sumi happily having tea and waved. The two of them waved back exclaiming it was so warm and sunny and asked Ruka her feelings. Ruka closed her eyes feeling the sunshine and nodded saying it sure was nice when she opened her eyes the café was once again dark and deserted. The sounds of people on the streets talking was heard, people in boats on the water, and once again Ruka heard footsteps coming down the street and looking in her hand she saw her torch and saw it was lit. Standing up with resolve she called out again to the approaching figure asking who was there. The figure got closer, but still didn't answer. Ruka saw the figure stop as she walked up and the torch's light illuminated a smiling Mami.
"What are you doing here?" Ruka asked.
"I came for Kazuya, I'm here to pick up him up," Mami said smiling.
"Yeah, well he isn't here!" Ruka said angrily.
Mami smiled and pointed behind Ruka and as she turned around she saw Kazuya walk over to Mami, take her arm, and as they walked off the entire area became sunny and bright and full of people. Ruka attempted to talk, but no words came out and she awoke in the darkness crying as Hirano gave a three-vibrate warning for lower-range and to raise activity level. Ruka suddenly worried that looking at photos of Kazuya could cause her to pass out and suddenly thought of skydiving alone and with a smile felt herself returning to a level of calm and sent a text to Sumi saying she is being very helpful and hopes she didn't wake her.
During the next few days Kazuya fought the strong urge to call or text Ruka following Mami's advice. Ruka wasn't waiting for Kazuya to contact her, but wasn't eager to reach out either. She felt she needed a break and wanted to focus on other things. The study was to ending to soon and she was resting at home. Just before going to bed a txt came in from Kazuya stating: "I love you and hope to speak to you soon. I'll even let you put me on a trial-level only ;)"
Ruka couldn't help but smile and texted back: "Thinking of you. Thanks for the space. Tomorrow evening let's get together at your place. Just the two of us. I'll bring dinner. i have some good news."
Kazuya return txt said: "I am thinking of your too! Can't wait to see you. What is good news?!"
Ruka responded: "There are three new girls in the support group who are taking part in the study. Two of them are only having lackluster results. We feel it may be due to how experimental the devices still are and need further research, but at least I'm not the only one who isn't showing good results. Hopefully someday they will be perfected."
The following evening Ruka arrived at Kazuya's with dinner. The two of them lit candles Ruka brought and enjoyed a nice hot meal Ruka cooked from home and when it was all over Ruka led Kazuya to the couch and patted for him to sit near her.
"Kazuya, I have given this a lot of thought and I think we should just be friends. I want to split up amicably," Ruka said with a sad face while maintaining composure.
"Why?! Why?! I love you! I want to be with you! I want to be with no one else!" Kazuya exclaimed worried.
"I love you too Kazuya and that's the issue: I can't be with you in my condition and I am holding you back... I get too sad at times and too angry at other times and I don't feel emotion the same way others do and my body's response is getting worse. We can't do this anymore. I want to end on a good level," Ruka said with a face closer to tears, but still maintaining composure.
"I don't want to end it. I want to try more. I want to be with you. I am not giving up! I don't have to be intimate with you, there are other kinds of love, and things could improve in the future. I'd be happy just to hold you. I refuse to give up," Kazuya said nearly in tears.
Ruka shook her head and said,"That's very noble of you, but it's not what I want. That said...please break up with me. I want to break up. We can still be-"
"Don't you dare say 'friends'! That's not what I want! I have enough female 'friends.' I don't need any more 'friends'!" Kazuya shouted back.
Ruka looked angry and shouted, "It's not about what you want! It's not just about you! I want to break up, but I don't want to dump you. I am looking for us to do it together. Let's both do it together. It's for the best. If we can't stay friends...so be it...but I want to part on a civil-note Kazuya. You're very special to me, I love you too, and...maybe someday we can be together romantically, but not now, and I cannot ask you to wait. That said I want to part on a civil-note. Please, please break up with me and—"
"No! You'll have to dump me. You're being too rash. You're hurting me. Please Ruka, stay with me…you're 'breaking my heart'..." Kazuya froze at hearing himself.
"...What did you say?!" Ruka angrily asked while glaring at him.
Kazuya couldn't look her in the eye and said,"Uhhh...nothing..."
Ruka stood up left the apartment and said to lose her number and said she was blocking his as she stormed out of his living room in tears and called for a cab. Kazuya heard a triple-vibrate from her phone, the audible warning to reduce activity, and ran to follow her outside.
"Ruka! Stop! I accept. I accept. I don't want you to have an episode. At least…at least let me wait for the taxi with you," Kazuya said with sad, but determined eyes.
Ruka turned around slowly and opened her arms hugging Kazuya tightly and thanked him feeling herself calm. She said he is a good man and she'll always think well of him, but asked he not call her. She asked him to think well of her and just think that she moved far away. He smiled and asked her to text him when she arrives at her "new home." Ruka laughed a little and said to look for a text in ten minutes. Once home Ruka sent out a text letting Kazuya know she's at her "new home" and will keep him in her memories and while quite sad set out to her room to turn in for the night.
Ruka got under her sheets and imagined herself skydiving and later sitting with Sumi at the shrine and felt herself center. She deleted all of Kazuya's photos except one and smiled feeling he deserves at least one saved image. The photo was of his awkwardness while out on an early date with her. Smiling at the photo she fell asleep peacefully.
The following day Ruka contacted Kuri and asked he meet her outside the campus library as she wants to introduce him to someone. Kuri jumped for joy and said he could meet her in early afternoon.
Sitting down on a bench outside the library Ruka put on her best happy face realizing it was obvious that Kazuya had kept things secret otherwise Kuri surely wouldn't have agreed to see her.
"Hi Kuri! It's so good to see you!" Ruka said as she hugged him tightly.
Kuri was a bit taken aback, but hugged her back saying it was good to see her too. Ruka went on and told her that unfortunately the person she wanted to introduce him to couldn't make it, but asked for Mami's number. Kuri asked why she wanted Mami's number and Ruka feigned that the two of them were going shopping together soon and she lost the number the other day in the excitement of the trial ending at a friend's house. Kuri grabbed it from the group text and texted it over to her. Ruka thanked Kuri telling him Sumi's boyfriend has a cousin who also suffers from PPS also and that she is looking for a special kind of sweet guy and she told her she knew just the guy causing Kuri to blush deep red.
Later in the afternoon Ruka contacted Mami and said she wishes to speak with her and has a proposal for her that she feels she'll appreciate and agreed to meet her near Kazuya's building on the condition she doesn't tell him.
In the early evening Mami arrived at the meeting place on a bench at the edge of the quad by Kazuya's building.
The moment Mami came into earshot Ruka lamented in a soft voice, "You can have him. I'm done."
Ruka then stood and started to walk away.
Mami's eyes flew open and she said,"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What? Come back here! What's going on?!"
Ruka stopped and turned around and with sad eyes asked, "What do you care? I'm done here."
Mami looked at her with fear and said, "I need to make sure you're not going to come at me with a broken bottle a day later when you decide you want him back."
Ruka took out a bottle while looking sad and on the verge of tears and said, "Relax Mami, they're fake. They're just prop bottles and they break apart easily...just like me." With a defeated look Ruka broke one over her head easily.
Mami looked at her strangely and said, "You carry those things around with you?"
Ruka kind of laughed and said, "Well the last time I performed at our support group we used one break-away plate instead of the four bottles I usually buy and I never took the left over bottle out."
Kneeling down Ruka picked up the large pieces of the fake glass and put them in a trash can near the bench and sat down looking defeated.
Mami asked what was really going on as she sat down with less fear.
Ruka went on to tell the story of their fight and break-up and asked why she wasn't going to see Kazuya in his building. Mami said Kazuya wouldn't help her out anyway now that she left him and shook her head.
"He really loves you. You know that right? He's really hurt, I know it. You should go back to him. He won't help me after this ordeal whether or not you get back together with him. No reason you should be miserable," Mami said.
"I know, but I can't be with him. It's all because of this stupid thing inside me and I don't mean my condition," Ruka said shaking her head.
Mami looked at her strangely before Ruka realized she didn't know about the PRE and told her of the trial.
At that moment Mami suddenly darted her eyes back and forth and looked at Ruka with a small smile
Ruka looked at Mami and asked why she was smiling.
Mami, "You said the PRE isn't working in you right?"
Ruka answered, "Yeah so? It's because of this stupid thing that I'm breaking up and—"
"Is it working in others?" Mami asked.
"Yeah! That's what has me so torn up! Others are getting great results! Most are! I'm just not, but others are showing a near perfect response! Some company makes this 'miracle device' and it's not working on me!" Ruka said angrily.
Mami smiled with eager eyes and asked, "Do you know the name of the company?"