Drabble 50: The First Kiss
A/N: This drabble was requested by Coco-kinz11. I figured it would make a good fiftieth drabble, too. Enjoy!
Jemma studied her reflection in the mirror, looking at herself carefully. Leo Fitz was coming over, to hang out, and she was getting slightly nervous. She wanted to look good, but not so good that he thought she had put too much effort into her outfit. It had to be casual but nice.
She'd known him for about two months now, and recently they had started seeing more of each other. Her friends kept urging her to go out with him, and always whispered excitedly when they saw her and Fitz walking from a class together, or even just talking to each other. She had to admit she found him attractive; she had felt a connection with him the first time she had spoken with him, something she had never been able to say about anyone before.
But for right now they were in that gray area. They got along well, and she enjoyed his company immensely. She just didn't know if they should date or not. She'd never felt this way about anyone else before. What if by dating she lost him as a friend?
She took a calming breath and smiled at her reflection. She shouldn't worry about that. All she had to do tonight was have fun with Fitz. Whatever happened would happen.
She gave a slight nod of her head and walked over to her bed, straightening the pillow and smoothing down the covers. Her room was neat and organized; just the way she wanted it. Fitz had been there before, but she wanted it to look good.
She was forced to stop puttering around and fixing things that didn't need to be fixed when she heard a knock on the door. Quickly walking over, she opened it and smiled at Fitz. "Hello, Leo." She said.
"Hi Jemma." He said, stepping inside. He was dressed in dark jeans and a nice blue button-down shirt, undone at the top so she could see the edge of his white undershirt.
There was that silence for a moment, that awkward silence that takes place when two people are trying to decide how to start a conversation. Then, just as suddenly as the silence, they began discussing what they had that afternoon, as if no time had passed.
An hour ticked away, and another, and three hours later they reached the first lengthy pause in their conversation.
Jemma smiled. "It's so easy to talk to you." She said.
He raised an eyebrow. "I was thinking the same thing."
A pause, and then Jemma slid off her bed and sat on her knees, looking up at Fitz. "Do you want to play a game?"
"Why not?"
He slid down beside her as she produced a few different games from under her bed, spreading them out so he could see them. "Which one?"
He looked everything over. "Hmmm…"
She casually laid one hand on top of Scrabble.
"I think Scrabble." He said decisively.
"Just what I was thinking!" she said.
He chuckled. "Fancy that."
She got out the board and then got all the letters out. She stood and retrieved a dictionary from her desk drawer and placed it between the two of them. Then she glanced at him. "This might sound strange, but I don't want to play yet."
She had the strangest feeling that their evening would end after they played a game, and she didn't want that yet.
His eyebrows crinkled for a second but he seemed to understand. "Okay. What do you want to do?"
They ended up talking for a bit more, and then an idea hit them for a new project. So they snuck off to the lab to grab a design pad and other materials, and ran back to her room with the things tucked under their arms, feeling bold and daring.
When they got back Jemma shut the door behind them swiftly and looked at Fitz, laughing. "We did it!" she said. "We snuck in and grabbed the supplies!"
Fitz sank down onto her bed. "So what if the materials are free to students? I've never taken them at night before!"
Jemma walked over and sat down beside him. "We are geeks, aren't we?" she asked without really asking.
"Of course." He said simply.
She smiled. "I wouldn't want to be anything else."
So they bent over the blank paper and started filling it in with their idea. When they had gotten the basics down they rolled it up and set it aside, intent to work on it in the lab the next day. By that time it was close to midnight. Their first class that morning had been at nine o'clock, and they had gotten together to study for it at seven-thirty. By the time they set aside their newest project they were feeling the first stages of exhaustion.
They were also feeling accomplished.
"How about that game now?" Jemma asked him.
Fitz hesitated.
"What is it?" she asked him, worried she had done something wrong. "I wasn't trying to bore you working on that new idea, I just figured we should get down the basics while it was fresh in our heads, and-."
"Can I kiss you?" he asked.
She stopped short. "What?"
"Can I kiss you?" he said again, clearly and boldly.
She could see the determination in his eyes and felt her pulse quicken. This was what she'd been hoping for, wasn't it? She was tempted to answer him by placing her lips on his. Then she remembered her qualms about dating possibly ruining their friendship.
"I'll tell you what." She said carefully. "I'll kiss you if you beat me in Scrabble."
"No other way?" he asked.
She smiled. "We'll have to see."
Oh, if her friends could see her now! She felt so… coy.
Fitz nodded and smirked for a second, looking at his letters. "Then let's play."
Jemma was a pretty good Scrabble player, but that was one of the fastest games she had ever played. Fitz was incredible at it, by far the best person she'd played. She felt the thrill of the challenge as she made her moves, torn between fighting to win and letting herself be beaten.
She didn't have to decide. Fitz blindsided her with a few finishing moves, and before she knew it she had been beaten.
She thought he might look like he was gloating or something, but he just looked at her. "Can I kiss you now?" he asked.
She was scared for a moment, but then she felt impulsive. She leaned across the board and brushed her lips against his teasingly. "Yes." She whispered against him.
He pulled her closer, sending their game pieces all over the floor. She didn't care. She sat next to him and he leaned in to her, pressing his lips to hers and kissing her.
She kissed him back, softly and then with growing intensity. A wall between them had broken, and at the moment she couldn't be more glad. She moved her fingers to his hair and ran them through it, and his hand kept her head against his.
When their lips parted he kept her close, his hand still behind her neck; gently insisting that she not back away. Their foreheads were touching and they were both breathing heavily, but neither of them wanted to move away. They stayed like that for a few moments, unable to speak or move. By the end they were looking into each other's eyes.
Then, with great reluctance, they separated. Jemma straightened her shirt while Fitz started picking up Scrabble tiles, and then they cleaned up the game in silence.
"I had a wonderful time tonight, Leo." She said.
"Me too." He said.
She acted impulsively again and hugged him, quickly but tightly. "Goodnight." She said against him.
He looked at her with his mouth parted after she stepped back, and then she saw the smallest of smiles on his lips. "Goodnight."
Then he left.
She walked over to her bed and flopped down on it, staring at the ceiling. He had looked happy after they kissed. He had looked radiant with happiness.
Had she looked the same? She had felt the same, she was sure of that now. She definitely wanted to date him. She had to. But he had seemed tense after looking at her. Had she froze?
The more she thought about it the less sure she was what her exact reaction had been. She had a tendency to think she looked one way while appearing a completely different one. Had she been internally celebrating while externally showing nothing? Or worse, showing something negative?
No, she thought. She couldn't have had a negative face, not when she liked the kiss that much. He had to know that she had liked it, right?
She fell asleep staring at the ceiling, hoping desperately that Fitz knew how she really felt. She fell asleep planning to talk with him the next day. Planning to start a relationship with the boy she thought she might love. The boy she wanted to be close to.
Fitz walked back to his dorm in silence, straight-faced. That smile had vanished the moment Jemma closed the door. He had worked up the courage to ask to kiss her, and when she said yes with her lips touching his… he'd thought his heart would stop, it was pumping so fast.
And then they'd stopped kissing, and he'd looked at her face. She was smiling a bit, but her eyes were wide. She seemed scared. It was only for a second, but it was enough.
That had to mean she didn't want anything to happen between them. But then why would she have agreed to kiss him in the first place?
He got back to his dorm and lay down on his bed, without changing or even taking off his shoes. He didn't know what to do.
Then it hit him. He had to make sure Jemma didn't want to stop seeing him. He didn't think he could handle it if she left. So he would do whatever she wanted. If she didn't want a relationship with him more involved than friendship, he would just be her friend. Even if the thought of it pained him, even if his insides ached with disappointment at the prospect of lying and saying that he just wanted to be friends.
He didn't want to lose her. So he would talk with her the next morning, and say he liked her, but more as a friend.
Anything to not lose the only person he'd ever felt a real connection with.
A/N: I'm sorry for any painful feelings that may have resulted from this drabble. I felt so wicked writing the last part, and so emotional (I love writing these!)! This drabble is connected to an earlier one of mine, Never Have I Ever. Because of that I couldn't make it an AU and have them get together. I thought it would be nice to see the possibility though. I hope you liked it, and please give me more ideas!