Drabble 60: Broken Spirit
A/N: This is for SwifteForeverAndAlways. Enjoy!
She looked at Bobbi, lying on the bed. She wanted to stay, but at the same time wanted to run and never come back.
Luckily, Hunter was there. Bobbi would have company if she needed it. Jemma could leave, just for a little while.
She watched as Hunter stroked Bobbi's hand with his thumb, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. He nodded that he understood and she walked away, leaving the medical section.
She'd done this sort of thing for years, caring for people when they were hurt. So why did seeing Bobbi like this affect her so much?
It gave her pain whenever she recalled the treatment Bobbi had been through. And when she pictured her friend lying on that bed, unconscious, it wasn't just sadness and grief that rose in her.
She felt hopelessness. And it bothered her.
The last time she had been so bothered by a hurt teammate, Skye had been shot. It had taken all her control to get the girl into the stabilization chamber, and keep a brave face for the rest of the team. Then, once they were back on the Bus, she hadn't been able to hold it in any longer. She had gone to the storage center and started to cry. Fitz had come in a moment later and held her.
But this time was different. She felt horribly sad, yes, but also… empty. As she walked away from the medical section, she planned to head back to the storage area. It was one of the few places she thought no one would see her upset in.
Then she passed by the lab, and saw Fitz in there. She needed to see him more than she needed to be alone.
"Hey." She said.
"Jemma! Hey!" he said, smiling.
"What are you up to?"
He looked back at the table, where she realized he had been looking at a Night-Night Gun. "I'm going on the mission, Jem." He said.
The words seemed to pass over her, not sinking in. "You… what?"
"Coulson asked me to go with him."
"Then I'll see if I can come too. You can always use a medical hand."
"No." he said, looking back at her. "It's safer here, and Bobbi needs you."
She saw the determination in his eyes and felt fear start to bubble in her chest. She'd thought they would be safe now that Bobbi was back. Now Fitz was going into danger. Why was Fitz going?
"You okay?" he asked.
"No." she said. "Since you asked, I am definitely not okay. I'm barely holding it together."
It was odd but true. That empty feeling she had was taking a toll on her, and now her fear was thickening in her chest.
"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice gentle.
"It's Bobbi." She said.
"Is she-?"
"She's going to make a full recovery." Jemma said quickly. "But… she's said she's done with this life. She doesn't want anything to do with it anymore."
"It's understandable, given what she's been through. She'll come around, though."
"Fitz, she seems pretty sure. She's changed."
"Even if she has, why are you so upset?"
"Because she's my friend! Because she's been hurt! Because – ." her throat caught for a minute. "Because if Bobbi is broken, how long can we possibly last?"
"What?"
She looked him in the eyes, tears blurring her vision. "Bobbi is one of the strongest people I've ever met. When we escaped HYDRA… I would've been in a lot of trouble if she hadn't been there. And now she's lost something. Some spark has gone out, and she doesn't want to do it anymore. Any of it. The fighting, the undercover, the stress. She wants to be done with it. If someone as strong as Bobbi is done, how much longer do you think we can last? I'm nowhere near as strong as Bobbi."
"Yes you are." He said quietly. "You just don't realize it."
"Even if you're right," she said, finally unable to hold back the tears. "Should we keep working like this? Should we quit while we're ahead, and keep our spirits up?"
"You don't really want to leave. S.H.I.E.L.D. is our home." Fitz said. "This team is our home. You're the one who told me to take a chance and go into the field, and everyday I've been so thankful I did. We did. It's hard to see now, but this is where we're meant to be, Jem. I'm sure of it."
She wiped away her tears. "How?"
He smiled. "Because since we joined this team, you've been the happiest I've ever seen you. And I've been happier too. There's highs and lows in every place. We just hit a low here. Everything will pick back up soon."
She wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you." She whispered against him.
"Are you okay now?"
"I – yes, Fitz. I'm okay now. Just…" she hesitated and then rushed on, "make sure you stay safe, and I'll stay that way."
"I'll be fine. And so will Bobbi."
He let her go. "If you're really worried about it, talk to her. But I'd give her time first. She just needs to let her wounds heal. Which means a little time off and probably some time with Hunter."
Jemma smiled. "That will definitely help her. I could even make it a doctor's order."
Fitz grinned. "You have to do what you have to do."
She left him in the lab and walked slowly back to the medical section, to check on her patient again. "We're going to be fine." She said to herself as she went.
And now, she believed it.