Drabble 90: Stronger
From the moment Fitz first saw the way Agent Triplett looked at Jemma, he knew the man had some interest in her. He spoke to her nicely and respectfully, but Fitz could tell he was attracted to her. And it worried him.
Because he thought Jemma was attracted to Trip too.
And that was an issue, because… well, because it was.
Fitz had been in love with her for years, but didn't have the courage to say anything. He was scared that it would ruin their relationship, which was easily the best he had ever come across, both personally and historically. He was scared that she would reject him, because he wasn't good enough for her.
And Trip, well, Trip wasn't easy to hate. Fitz thought he was managing pretty well, but the guy was cool. He was strong and funny and smart, and liked tech. Bloody perfect. Jemma laughed at his jokes all the time, and there was that one time when she'd been all giggly and girly and said how Trip was well-formed, before realizing Fitz had stopped talking. Yeah, that had been fun.
So he was jealous. How was he different from Trip? There were some major things that he couldn't change, but beyond that, the real difference was strength. Trip was strong, physically and in less physical ways. He was sure of himself, comfortable. Fitz was somewhat strong, but not really. And he knew he came across as awkward. He was just happy he didn't appear completely awkward, like he used to.
He needed to get stronger. Maybe then Jemma would look at him a little differently. And if she considered him, maybe it wouldn't be so scary to talk to her about things. But he'd tried strength training before, and never had the willpower to keep at it. Given the choice of waking up early, drinking a protein shake and then weight lifting or sleeping in, watching Doctor Who and eating actual food, the latter always won.
He needed a coach. Someone who would make him stick to his plan.
Ward.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" Fitz asked.
Ward looked up and lowered the practice gun he was holding. "What's up, Fitz?"
"I was wondering if you'd help me to get stronger."
Ward's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Why do you want to get stronger all of a sudden? You're getting better with each case we have."
"But it's not enough. I'm still lacking definition."
Ward closed his eyes. "Didn't need to hear that. I'm guessing this is about Jemma."
Fitz tried not to shift uncomfortably. "Why – why would you think that?" he stammered.
If anything, Ward seemed amused by this. "Okay. I can help you. But you need to do exactly what I tell you. If you try to do too much, you'll get yourself hurt."
Fitz nodded, relieved. "Deal."
"Let's start with low weights, high reps. Grab those tens over there."
Fitz picked them up and measured them. "I can lift these easily. Should I get the next level up?"
"It's not a video game." Fitz heard Ward mutter. To Fitz he said "just start lifting it, up above your head and back down. Keep your form." He said, correcting the angle of Fitz's arm. Fitz did this a few times and then half-smiled.
"This isn't so bad."
"Do it 100 times and then say that."
"Fine."
But it was much before the hundredth repetition that Fitz's arm felt like jelly. He pushed through, but he really didn't want to. "I always liked getting 100." He said tiredly, setting the weights down. "Not like this."
That made Ward laugh, looking over from his own lifting: with weights bigger than his arm width. "Down on your back. Time to work on your core with -."
"Don't say it." Fitz said in a small voice.
"Sit ups." Ward finished firmly.
Fitz went to his knees. "The only thing worse than sit ups was push ups."
"Don't worry, we'll do those too." Ward went down next to him, slapping his back before lying down. "You want to get stronger? This is what you have to do."
An image of Jemma talking to Trip flashed through his mind, and his determination returned. This wasn't gym class. This was strength training, for the girl he lo- liked. Liked. "Let's do this."
Two weeks later, Fitz was feeling much more confident. He'd moved up to the next weight level, same repetition. He didn't gasp after the first few sit ups anymore. He still gasped by the end, but it was something. He was so reassured by the little changes, he didn't mind the exercise. He even forced down the food Ward told him he should eat. It was all like the bar he had given Fitz, on their first mission alone together: tough, flavorless, and small.
Jemma noticed the change in him. She didn't know exactly what that change was, but she knew something was different. He walked out of the room and looked back, and had to hide his smile when he saw the way she was looking after him. Puzzled, but interested.
And then that night, Trip placed his hand over hers at the table. And Jemma didn't take it away immediately. She smiled at Trip before moving her hand, laughing at the joke he had made.
Fitz walked out of the room quickly when they were finished, going to the practice room. He couldn't keep taking things so slow, or he would lose his chance with Jemma completely.
He did another round of sit ups and push ups, though he'd already done them today. Then he ran on the treadmill for three miles, and finally picked up the big weights Ward liked to use. He was covered in sweat and could barely lift them above his head once. He was pretty sure he sounded like a beached asthmatic whale, but he lifted the weight again. He kept doing it, moving slower and slower, until the weight fell from his numb grip. There were spots in his vision. He dimly realized he was severely dehydrated, and as his heart seemed to pump faster, the blood roaring in his ears and the spots in his vision worsening, he yelled for help.
He thudded to his knees and was starting to fall onto his back when he saw shapes rush by, and familiar hands gripped his arms.
"Fitz!" Jemma cried. "Fitz, what are you doing?" she held him against her, making sure he didn't fall.
"I'm fine." He managed.
"You are quite obviously not fine!" she reprimanded. "You're almost passed out!" there was a bottle in front of him, and she tipped it back to make water pour into his mouth. He swallowed gratefully and took the bottle from her, though she didn't let him drink nearly as much as he wanted. "Slowly, or you'll be sick."
They were still for a few minutes, and Fitz noticed the spots in his vision disappeared. He was breathing normally again too. He sat up and looked at her. "I'm sorry. I tried to do too much." He thought of Ward's warning to follow his instructions exactly. "Ward will have my head."
"You're lucky I don't." She softened her tone. "Fitz, you scared me! Why did you do this?"
"I wanted to get stronger." He muttered, not meeting her eyes.
"You're perfectly strong."
"Not as strong as Agent Triplett." He said quietly.
He saw the shock cross her face. "Fitz."
"I know." He said roughly. "It was stupid. I just wanted to impress you. I'm fine now, so you can go back to laughing with Trip."
"You think I'm going to leave you just like that? I hope you don't think that low of me."
"It's just the opposite, Jemma." He said, pleading with her to understand. "I think so highly of you, I don't want to ruin your night making you worry about my stupid mistake."
"You've been there for plenty of my mistakes."
"Yeah, all three of them." He said. But he smiled, his mood lifted. "You got here really fast." He commented.
"I was on my way to see you. You left dinner so quickly and then didn't come back."
"I didn't know you'd noticed."
She rubbed his arm. "It's you, Fitz. Of course I noticed. And I have seen the difference in you." her hand stopped on his arm. "And it isn't just this."
"I'm done with the crazy workout." He told her. "I want to sleep in tomorrow and eat what I want for breakfast."
"I could order you to rest tomorrow, as your doctor." She said with a twinkle in her eyes.
"That would be perfect."
"And I'll need to be with you of course." She said. "You'll need supervision to make sure you don't try anything stupid, since your head's not quite right at the moment."
He chuckled at her thinly veiled insult, and the reasoning. "If my doctor says so."
"Your best friend says so."
He smiled. "Even better."