The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 16
Merlin, the library was cold.
Whatever charms they used to keep it warm in the winter must have been removed in preparation for the sunshine that was bound to come flooding in through the tall windows any day now.
Remus raised his head from his folded arms and looked around at the few remaining students who were still studying. A quick glance at the clock informed him (and subsequently, his growling stomach) that he had missed dinner yet again.
For the fifth time that week he had gone to the library intending to study only to shut his tired eyes and dream vividly of his father's ominous form approaching Hogwarts.
It had been exactly two weeks since he had fallen asleep next to Sirius.
As good as it had felt to lie in the other boy's strong arms, Remus knew that he couldn't stay there every night. James and Peter were bound to notice Sirius had company at one time or another – not to mention his own roommates would surely begin to notice his absences. It wasn't as if closing one's curtains could really keep the other students from checking up on you…or, as what he suspected would be the case with Sirius' roommates, from waking you up.
No. After he had pulled himself (very reluctantly) from Sirius' warm bed at four in the morning, he had convinced himself almost instantly that he should not return there again. As innocent as it might be, they couldn't risk being discovered – not when there were so many questions that even they had yet to answer.
Even now, with less than two weeks until his final transformation before summer, Remus knew it had been the right decision.
He could feel the wolf's instincts lurking just below the surface and every time Sirius carefully stroked his back or grasped his hand as he passed by, he knew it wouldn't take much to lose control again. He didn't want to think about what would happen if he was lying in Sirius' bed when the wolf decided to make another appearance.
Thankfully, the sixth year had not outright asked him to return to his bed (would he have been able to say no if he had?) but when they would stare across the hall at one another he could almost see the question in Sirius' gray eyes. Tonight?
Remus' heart would beat wildly in his chest but still he would force himself to look away, pretending vainly that he could not see the hope etched onto the handsome features.
But even with his firm resolution to stay out of the older boy's bed, he still caught himself contemplating how quickly he had fallen asleep in Sirius' arms and how good it felt when they'd kissed.
In fact, it was almost hard to believe how much of his time was spent thinking about the dark haired boy these days. Even when he felt Shanks' menacing glare following him, Remus could think of nothing but Sirius' soft lips on his.
When two seventh year Ravenclaws had recounted Sirius Black's public – and very loud – argument with one pretty blonde, Remus had struggled to focus on his schoolwork for the rest of the day.
It was common knowledge that Sirius Black never fought with his girlfriends and although no one really expected him to settle down with Azalia, the fact that he was pushing away someone who promised him early morning shags any day of the week was unthinkable to most of the student population. Remus, too, marveled at the idea.
The rush of pleasure – and rising jealously – that coursed through him every time he remembered finding the sweaty, messy-haired sixth year in the boys' bathroom with the blonde was shameful.
Even there, in the middle of the library, Remus could feel himself blushing fiercely at his irrepressible thoughts.
He stood quickly and grabbed his books; making his way to the back of the library in silence.
Why couldn't he stop thinking about the other boy?
He passed a group of Ravenclaw students that he recognized from the last study group and gave them what he hoped was a casual smile.
He had to resist the urge to rub at the tense muscles in his shoulders. For some reason the memory of Sirius' warm lips against his – and the knowledge that he would not be tasting the boy again anytime soon – was making him feel anxious. Add to this that his back ached terribly from the strain caused by sleeping slumped forward over his books.
He sighed as he bent forward to push a thick book back into its place between two similarly sized tomes. He really needed to get some more sleep.
Preferably in a bed from now on.
He moved stealthily to the far end of the row and stood on his toes to try and push another particularly heavy book onto one of the higher shelves.
How had he managed to get it down without taking one of his own eyes out in the first place? And how come none of the books he needed were ever on the shelves that were at eye-level?
He was pondering the answers to these questions – and contemplating returning the oversized book to the front desk for someone taller to deal with – when he felt a warm, hard body press up against his back.
He bit his lip to keep from growling at the scent as a strong arm stretched up over his head to slide the book back into its place.
Why hadn't he noticed him coming?
"Sirius," he whispered, trying to keep the elation he felt out of his voice. "Thanks."
He felt the taller boy smile against the back of his neck and he couldn't suppress a shiver.
"What are you doing in the library?"
Sirius' hot breath puffed out against his neck in quiet laughter.
"Er…studying?"
The boy didn't even bother trying to sound convincing.
Remus felt his mouth quirk up in a small smile but still refused to turn around and look into the handsome face.
"You missed dinner again," Sirius said. "I came to check on you."
Remus continued to smile even as he felt his heart rate speed up. Sirius hot breath felt good against the back of his neck and he couldn't stop the rush of excitement that rushed through him at the boy's words.
"How did you know I'd be here?"
He felt Sirius smile again, leaning in closer this time so he could whisper in Remus' ear.
"Secret," he breathed.
Remus tried not to think about how easy it would be to just lean back a bit more into the warmth that Sirius' body promised.
"Aren't you hungry, Remus?"
Thoughts of a just-shagged-Sirius returned unbidden and he struggled to think up the appropriate response. Was he hungry?
He tried to imagine the food he had missed out on that evening but instead he found himself thinking about what would happen if he turned around and pushed the taller boy up against the books. If he pinned those rough hands above the boy's head – something he knew he could do without much effort – then he could taste those lips again.
Then the boy's neck, his chest, his stomach…
No, he wasn't hungry. He was ravenous.
Remus wasn't sure whether the desire he felt for the handsome boy belonged to him or the wolf. It didn't matter much right then.
He cleared his throat.
"Not really."
Weren't there other things he should be thinking about? Like his unfinished homework, perhaps? Or Shanks? Or summer? Or that damn letter?
He should not be thinking about turning around and shoving Sirius up against the books and kissing him and touching him and, sweet merlin, did the other boy even know what he was doing to him?
Sirius' fingertips were trailing down the sides of his arms and he shivered involuntarily again, this time unable to resist leaning back into the other boy's warmth.
He barely took note of Sirius' sharp intake of breath as he felt the boy's hands settle lightly on his hips.
"Are you sure?" Sirius whispered, interrupting Remus' thoughts and making him wonder, with a start, if he had spoken one of his lascivious thoughts aloud.
Remus didn't say anything in reply. He could not focus and he knew his breathing was becoming more and more ragged by the second.
"Remus? Are you sure you're not hungry? I could take you down to the kitchens."
Ah. Still on about dinner.
Sirius' voice was so deep and smooth and perfect that Remus would be lying if he said it was only the wolf who wanted to turn around and capture that mouth in a searing kiss.
"I'm fine," he managed.
He felt warm, smooth lips place a chaste kiss just below his ear.
"Try not to miss dinner again," Sirius whispered beseechingly.
And then he was pulling away, taking his warmth with him, and stepping back to give Remus space; something which, unfortunately, happened to be one of the last things he wanted right then.
Before he could pause to think, Remus' own hands covered the ones grasping his hips – holding them in place before they, too, could disappear.
The taller boy did not step any closer to him but his grip, which had loosened somewhat during their brief talk, tightened once more.
"You alright?"
Remus groaned softly at the boy's husky tone.
"Remus –?"
The heavy breathing on his neck was sending little jolts of arousal through Remus and he swallowed hard, trying with all his might to figure out why sensible thought had chosen now of all times to abandon him.
"Tell me what you want, Remus," the husky voice pleaded.
He could have said anything then. Dinner. Solitude. A normal life. And he knew, without a doubt, that Sirius would have gone to any lengths to get it for him.
But his answer, when it came, had the potential to make things much more complicated than any of those other things could have.
"I want you," he said quietly.
He almost didn't recognize the sound of his own voice. It was changed noticeably by his growing desire.
Sirius held his hips firmly for several moments and didn't say anything.
Remus' mind began to flood with the horrible possibilities of what Sirius might be thinking.
Should he take it back? Should he pull away? Why couldn't he just turn around and look at the other boy?
Just as he moved his head to the side to try and decipher the older boy's expression, one of Sirius' thumbs started rubbing small, soothing circles on his hipbone.
Remus sighed and whether it was out of relief or desire, his golden eyes finally met Sirius' piercing gray ones.
"Merlin, you have no idea how much I want you," the boy whispered back, resting his forehead against Remus'.
Then, as if to prove this point, strong hands pulled him back carefully and this time, as Remus melted into the taller boy's warmth, he felt something distinctly hard pressing against his back.
His own body reacted instantaneously.
One of Sirius' hands slid carefully down to the top of his thigh.
"Can I – ?"
"Yes," Remus cut him off, not caring what it was that he was agreeing to but wanting something.
Sirius' touches were light and tentative – was he nervous? – but the hand on Remus' thigh remained steady as it traveled leisurely to the front of his trousers.
Remus could feel his arousal straining against the fabric of his pants and the moment the skillful fingers made contact, he let out a low groan of appreciation.
No one had ever touched him like that before and he wondered hazily why he wasn't nervous or worried about what Sirius might be thinking.
He watched entranced as Sirius' hand started to rub him gently through the fabric.
How come when he touched himself if didn't feel this good?
"More?" Sirius asked softly.
Even now, with both of their arousals quite apparent, the boy still sounded concerned.
Remus nodded and felt Sirius squeeze his hip reassuringly as the hand moved to unbutton his trousers. He nearly cried out in frustration when the boy carefully slid the zipper down with agonizing slowness.
Sirius took a deep breath, leaning forward to nuzzle Remus' neck affectionately as his hand slid inside.
The nimble fingers quickly found a way past his boxers and Sirius, hesitating only briefly, closed a roughened hand around his hardness.
They both inhaled sharply at the sensation and Sirius immediately began placing warm, wet kisses on the side of his neck.
Remus growled low in his throat and leaned his head back against the taller boy to allow him better access. He couldn't remember anything feeling quite so good.
When Sirius stroked once experimentally, running a thumb quickly over the head of his erection, Remus shuddered and clenched his teeth to keep from making any more noises.
He reached back to touch the older boy but Sirius caught his hand deftly and placed it on the shelf in front of them.
"No," Sirius whispered. "Just you."
Remus immediately felt the wolf's outrage at being denied and he could not stop another growl from escaping his throat.
"Shh," Sirius soothed, nibbling playfully on his neck to distract him.
The dark-haired boy moved his hand slowly up and down Remus' shaft again; the hand that had moved Remus' to the shelf reached up to roam across the expanse of his covered chest.
He could feel the wolf trying to take control – it wanted to be the one that did the touching and greatly disliked being teased with such slow, shallow strokes.
"Sirius," he whispered warningly when the boy still refused to increase his speed after several strokes.
"Hm?" came the distracted reply.
The way Sirius' breathing had become erratic it seemed almost as if the sixth year was the one who was being touched.
"A little faster," Remus whispered raggedly. "Please."
Sirius obeyed and the hand began to stroke deliciously faster over his hard length. Remus leaned his head back in relief – still fighting the urge to take control – and turned his head to find emblazoned gray eyes watching him intently.
The boy was studying his face as if entranced – wholly captivated by Remus' responses to his ministrations.
He could feel Sirius' heart beating rapidly against his back.
Yes. This was what he wanted.
He could still feel the taller boy's hardness pressing against his lower back as the rough hand continued working steadily up and down his shaft. The hand that had been on his chest moved up to turn his face and capture his lips in a hungry kiss.
"Remus," Sirius kept chanting against his lips in between kisses. "My Remus."
Remus was close. So close. Already.
The taller boy leaned his forehead against Remus' again and they stared into one another's eyes as Remus was pulled closer and closer to the edge.
"Say you'll stay with me again before summer," Sirius panted suddenly, speeding up his strokes yet again.
Yes. Anything for you. Anything to keep feeling this; to keep feeling you for the rest of my life.
He watched the desire swirl around in Sirius' eyes and, dear sweet Merlin, he'd never felt so wanted in his entire life.
He shut his eyes tightly and groaned once in warning before losing himself in the clutches of his orgasm; spilling himself into Sirius' open hand.
The hand loosened slightly but still remained wrapped around him possessively as he caught his breath.
When he opened his eyes again, he found he had moved his head forward to lean against the shelf in front of him.
He turned to look into Sirius' eyes and blushed brightly as rational thought finally returned to him.
He scanned the darkened aisle nervously.
"Don't worry. No one saw us," Sirius said quietly, still watching Remus' face closely.
Remus let out a shaky sigh and reached for his wand – casting a quick cleansing charm to clear the mess covering Sirius' hand. He missed the look of surprise and disappointment on Sirius' face as he slid his wand back in his pocket.
The boy let go of him reluctantly and stepped back; turning away so Remus couldn't see his face.
Remus tucked himself away silently and cursed the blush he knew must be staining his pale cheeks.
What had gotten into him?
He turned to look at the tall, dark-haired sixth year – his eyes roaming over the broad shoulders and down past the back.
He felt another spark of arousal stir within him.
"Will you, Remus?" the boy asked softly.
He swallowed hard.
Did Sirius want him to return the favor then?
The thought was both thrilling and nerve-wracking at once. He didn't know if he could touch the boy without blushing terribly – or at least without the help of the wolf and he didn't even want to think about that.
He took a tentative step forward but froze when Sirius turned his head to the side, eyes fixed on the ground.
"You'll stay with me once more, Remus?"
Ah. That.
Remus bit his lip and tried to ignore the disappointment he felt at not being allowed to reciprocate – as well as the overwhelming pleasure that came with feeling wanted by someone like Sirius.
So, Sirius wanted an answer this time.
Could he stay with him one more night? Could he fall asleep next to the gray-eyed Adonis who only seconds before had turned down Remus' touches so that he could focus on solely pleasuring Remus?
His heart would never slow down to a normal rate after this.
He reached out for the taller boy and closed a hand around the strong arm, turning the boy to face him. He looked at Sirius' sweaty, handsome face, watching him; wanting him.
No, he knew he had been right. He couldn't go to Sirius' bed every night.
Who knows what would happen if they got caught?
He could not risk that.
Just one more night before summer though; one more night before he spent months away from this boy who never left his thoughts.
"Yes," he whispered finally.
Just one more night.