The Comfort of Knowledge, Chapter 17
"Say you'll stay with me again."
The softly murmured words echoed in the young werewolf's mind as he sat staring across the Gryffindor table in silence.
Several seats down from him, amused laughter was escaping freely from between the soft, parted lips of a dark-haired sixth year. The boy's gray eyes were fixed on the bespectacled boy next to him who, along with their smaller sixth year friend, was recounting the story of how they managed to jinx every broomstick belonging to the Slytherin quidditch team earlier that day. With every word the two boys spoke, the handsome sixth year's smile appeared to widen even further.
Remus felt his stomach clench tightly in envy.
He should not have come to dinner that night.
The moon was tugging at him. It would not be much longer before he needed to lock himself up for the night. He felt the wolf's instincts determinedly trying to take over the rational part of his brain. The entire day words and reason had slowly begun to slip away. He knew he should have stayed hidden away in an old classroom like he usually did … out of sight until it was time to surrender.
It was only through sheer willpower that he had managed to keep his darker impulses in check for the last two weeks. That night, the night, in the library felt like a dream now. Remus had been careful not to stay late in the library or linger in the hallway on his own since then.
Just in case the older boy found him on his own again. Just in case he couldn't control the urge to reciprocate…to dominate.
Just in case.
And much to his relief (and growing anxiety) the two boys had not had a single moment alone since.
Even now, though, he was not sure that it had been the right thing to do. Avoiding Sirius only seemed to intensify the wolf's desire to act and Remus had a terrible feeling there would be consequences for his unwavering self-restraint.
He let out a shaky sigh.
His dinner remained untouched before him but still he could not look away from the trio of sixth year boys.
Why wasn't Sirius looking at him? How could he be so happy and carefree when they hadn't shared so much as a kiss in nearly a fortnight?
He wanted the gray eyes to be focused on him.
He did not want to share with anybody. Not tonight.
Remus tried to tell himself to look away and leave the Great Hall before he did anything he might regret. He knew it would look strange if he sprinted out for no reason but he also knew that it would be significantly worse if he jumped across the table, pinned Sirius Black to the floor and groped him shamelessly in front of the majority of the staff and student body.
Forcing himself to look away from the smiling, carefree face, Remus pushed his plate forward and stood up quickly.
Yes. He definitely needed to get out of there.
If he hurried he might even have time to find a bit of… relief before his transformation. He had a feeling that that alone would not be enough to calm the wolf's desire but it certainly couldn't hurt.
"Say you'll stay with me again."
As he stepped away from the table he remembered Sirius' voice again and immediately increased his pace – only to freeze a millisecond later.
His skin had begun to prickle and a slight shiver passed through him.
Finally.
Sirius' gaze was on him. He could feel it.
He turned back sharply and his eyes traveled the length of the Gryffindor table until they found the sixth years. No one but Remus seemed to notice the gray eyes watching him intently from across the room.
It looked like Sirius was trying to tell him something, to ask him something, but Remus was finding it difficult to think about anything other than the hard, strong body that he knew was hidden beneath the boy's black robes. Not to mention those dark, gray eyes that were finally focused on him.
With a shudder, he turned and quickly stalked the rest of the way out of the Great Hall – his need for relief increasing painfully with each step. He could feel Sirius' gaze follow him, puzzled and concerned, but he did not look back.
As he walked, his mind turned back to the night in the library – as it had so many times lately – and he felt a growl rise in his throat at one particular memory.
"No," Sirius whispered. "Just you."
The memory of Sirius catching his hand and stopping him from returning the intimate gesture taunted Remus cruelly.
He caught a glimpse of himself in one of the mirrors outside the Great Hall and could not help but think that Sirius should be concerned.
His golden eyes were bright and fierce; his hair untamed; his fists and jaw clenched tightly.
Even in human form he looked feral.
The thought did nothing to improve his mood.
He glared hard at his reflection as if doing so might help fix his wild appearance.
"Something on your mind, Remus?"
The voice, although quiet, startled him greatly. He turned sharply to his right to find light brown eyes staring up at him with a sparkle of genuine interest shining in them. Although he did not know the girl's name, he recognized her face from several fifth year classes.
He managed a tight-lipped smile and shook his head in response.
"You poor thing," she cooed suddenly, stepping closer and reaching out to smooth down his messy hair. "You look as if you've just been in a fight!"
Remus felt the wolf's annoyance at her touch as if it were his own – and perhaps it was – but he held still as the girl continued to fret over his disheveled appearance. When she tried to engage him in a bit of flirtatious small talk, he made the appropriate responses but her words were forgotten almost the instant they were uttered.
He could hear the rain splashing against the windows harshly and somehow, somehow, he thought he could smell Sirius from where he stood twenty or so feet outside the Great Hall.
He needed to get out of there.
Remus managed to politely excuse himself from the girl's company and, as soon as he saw her slender form retreat into the Great Hall, he pushed past a group of loitering third years and out into the pouring rain.
As he ran, he felt the heavy drops of rain fall onto his face, neck and body and quickly soak through his clothing.
He did not care. He needed to get to the shack.
He rushed towards the Whomping Willow and, without hesitation, reached out a hand to prod the small knot that would freeze the vicious arms of the tree.
In his haste, he did not bother grabbing a stick to reach for the knot and, as if it sensed his carelessness – and was determined to punish him for it – the willow began to swing and punch its heavy branches through the air. Before his hand could so much as graze the knot, he had been flung back harshly.
Growling in frustration (and a small bit of pain), he hauled himself to his feet and made his way back towards the tree, grabbing a stick along the way.
The stupid, bloody tree should know who he was by now!
As he stepped closer, another heavy branch came rushing toward his face but before he could even attempt to dodge it, a strong arm had wrapped its way around his waist and tugged him away from the violent tree.
He and his rescuer fell roughly to the ground and Remus inhaled sharply at the hard chest pressed against his back, tensing as a very familiar – and dangerously intoxicating – scent assaulted his nose.
"Alright?" a deep voice panted in his ear.
The rain was still pouring down and the wind had begun to whir restlessly as if it too hoped to warn them of the dangers of a full moon.
Nodding brusquely, Remus made to push himself to his feet again – away from the safety of that warm, hard body below him and to the cold, dark, comfortless shack he knew awaited him – but the strong arm that had pulled him to safety was quickly joined by another and they both tightened swiftly to hold him in place.
"Remus…"
The deep voice was trying to calm him down, to soothe him, but Remus tensed instantly at the sound of his name on the boy's lips and he struggled again to free himself from the embrace. The pangs of arousal had not subsided and he knew their present position would do nothing to help.
"What is it, Remus?" Sirius' hot breath was tickling his ear and he felt his breathing speed up. He could feel the wolf's desire for dominance growing stronger with every word the voice whispered in his ear.
Not now. Please not now.
"Are you hurt? Do you want to go to the hospital wing? There's still time before…"
Before I become a bloodthirsty beast?
Almost shyly it seemed, Sirius' fingertips began tracing the scars on his back through his robe – as if by simply touching them he might be able to help them heal.
Remus felt the strong arms clutch him tighter, silently entreating him to respond in some way.
He had no words to offer though. He would not have known where to begin.
With a strange combination of force and frustration, Remus turned in Sirius' arms – breaking the secure embrace – and pinned the taller boy under him.
With hungry, golden eyes, he stared down at the handsome face of his captive for several long moments, relishing the feeling of finally having the boy's hard body beneath his own.
When Sirius raised his strong arms again, Remus thought for a moment that the older boy was trying to dislodge him. Perhaps Sirius was scared – as Remus believed anybody pinned down by an animal had a right to be – of the werewolf hovering over him.
But Sirius showed no trace of fear at his aggressiveness and the large hands – the hands that Remus could not get out of his mind – settled gently on his hips, holding him in place.
Remus growled his approval and watched fascinated as Sirius' eyes wandered from his face down to where his hands held Remus' narrow hips.
"Let me touch you again," the boy whispered huskily.
Had they not been pressed so close to one another, Remus did not think he would have heard the boy's plea over the sound of the rain splashing down around them. He marveled briefly at how excited Sirius looked at the possibility of touching him again.
His breathing sped up slightly when he remembered how skillful Sirius' hands were and he knew he would not be able to control himself for much longer.
His golden eyes flashed as they took in the sight of Sirius' flushed face – drops of rain were clinging to the boy's dark eyelashes, to his cheeks, to his lips. His black hair was soaked with rain and mud and Remus had to fight down the urge to bury his fingers in the glistening strands.
"No," he finally answered, his own voice so husky he barely recognized it.
Without waiting to see Sirius' reaction, he leaned down quickly and captured the boy's lips, eagerly lapping at the drops of rain he found there.
Gods, Sirius tasted good.
As soon as he felt the boy start to respond to the kiss with equal fervor, he gave into temptation and moved his hands up to tangle in the dark, wet strands.
Within moments Remus felt a hardness that rivaled his own pressing up against him and although Sirius did not thrust upward, Remus sensed the boy's desire to switch their positions and take control.
Remus tugged sharply at the long hair then, eliciting a low, appreciative groan from the boy beneath him. He wanted to be sure that Sirius knew who was in control of their encounter this time.
He nipped and licked his way down the boy's throat, his hands relinquishing their hold on the black hair in favor of tugging impatiently at the heavy, soaked robe. It was his turn to explore the other boy's body.
But just as he began to shiver in anticipation of finally running his hands and lips over the smooth, unblemished skin that taunted him so terribly, he realized – with a sudden, sharp pang of regret – that he did not have time to leisurely taste every inch of the boy's sweet skin. Not right then. It would not be much longer before the full moon would rise.
He felt more resentful about his curse than he had for years and with a snarl that he immediately attributed to the rising wolf, he pulled his lips from the boy's neck and turned his eyes to the sky. He had half an hour at the most.
Looking back down at the disheveled form below him, he shuddered as a feeling of sheer regret coursed through him.
Sirius' long hair was thoroughly drenched in mud and several of the dirty strands fell across his handsome face. The boy's lips, which had parted to let sharp breaths escape, were swollen and red.
He looked wild and untamed and Remus felt his desire for the boy increase tenfold.
Remus knew that it was not considered customary to pin the person you desire down amidst mud and rain and wind but, much to his relief, Sirius did not utter a word of complaint when Remus did just that and resumed his assault on the boy's neck.
For the next few minutes, he allowed himself to be controlled entirely by instinct. His hands roamed the boy's hard body over his wet clothing and he sucked eagerly at the soft flesh of Sirius' neck. The thought of leaving a mark excited him to no end.
With renewed fervency, Remus pressed his now aching arousal against Sirius' own, trying to convey through the action the sense of urgency he felt to…complete their encounter before he had to lock himself away for the night.
At the sensation of hardness meeting hardness, he felt Sirius shudder and groan in appreciation before suddenly turning his face away from their heated kiss and starting to push forcefully at his hips to break the contact.
"No," Sirius whispered raggedly, the desire in his eyes now accompanied by what looked strangely like longing and regret. "No. Just you, Remus."
Remus' growl of fury at the boy's familiar words immediately turned to a groan of pleasure when the boy's right hand traveled over his hip and under his robe to rub at Remus' erection.
The hand quickly made its way into Remus' trousers and wrapped firmly around the base of the hard shaft it found there. The rain dripped down to cover Sirius' already wet hand and the strokes became quick and fluid.
Remus' head flew back at the feeling of the talented hand on him again and he only barely prevented himself from howling in pleasure with every deliciously perfect stroke that brought him closer to completion.
With a skilled hand like that, it was no wonder that Sirius did not think it necessary to keep a steady girlfriend.
Remus turned his head back down suddenly, intent on tasting the boy's sweet lips again. The sight of Sirius' hungry, awed gaze as he watched his own hand bring Remus closer to the edge, though, provoked a very abrupt response from him.
His hands reached out to bury themselves in Sirius' hair once more and, with a final shudder as he felt his release spill into Sirius' waiting hand, he slumped forward against the hard body below him.
"Stay with me tomorrow," he heard Sirius say quietly. "Please."