AN: I'm going to start adding some more adult themes towards the end of this chapter. I will probably change the rating to M as I will be writing more explicit material later on.

Ch 3: Longing

Though Monday's class had left me feeling low, as a few weeks passed things with Edward got a little better. Mr. Danvers hadn't let us outside again, but he gave us about fifteen minutes twice a week to chat with our partners.

Edward and I kept things light. I still wouldn't consider us friends, but things seemed easier.

We asked questions we already knew the answer to. Though a surprise came up here and there. Today was no exception.

"Favorite color." I mumbled looking over the worksheet we'd been given. "Is it still storm blue-gray?"

Edward gave me a surprised look.

"How did you know?"

I gave him a laugh.

"How could I not? I think you complained for weeks in middle school when your mom redecorated your room and painted it dark gray by mistake."

He was looking at me with amazement.

"You remember that?"

I gave him a thoughtful glance.

Did he think, just because we stopped being friends that I suddenly forgot everything about him?

"I remember a lot of things from when we were little." I told him gently.

He looked curious.

"Like what?"

The tone in his voice made me smile.

"I don't know. Just the stuff we used to do together. Like riding our bikes out to the lake, counting stars, flipping pennies into the pool and diving in after them."

Some of the fonder memories came back to me. A sort of peace settled over my mind when I thought of those times.

I looked to see Edward staring at me in quiet contemplation.

"We used to spend a lot of time together."

I nodded my head agreeing.

His lips twitched.

"What was that thing you used to do in the pool? With your hair… the George Washington?"

I laughed a little loudly. He was referring to a silly thing we did, where you pulled all your hair down in front of your face underwater. Then as you come out of the water, flip it back so it created a roll that framed your face. If done correctly, it sort of looked like an old-timey wig. And was thus called the George Washington.

"Ahh yes. I'd like to say my party tricks of gotten better with age, but I don't think I can beat the ole George."

Edward gave me an appreciative light laugh.

It was nice. Joking with ease like this.

It was almost like no time had passed. That nothing had changed, and we were just older versions of our previous selves.

I could feel my humor dimming as I slowly came back to reality.

Thankfully the sound of the bell relieved me from having to say anything else. I gave Edward a half-smile as I readied for my next class. I could tell he wanted to say something, but het got up and walked over to his friends.

"Sooo. How are things?" Angie asked me with a nudge as I finished packing my bag.

I shrugged.

"Good enough. How about with you?" My eyes darted towards Ben who was watching Angie. I thought it was cute, they way he watched her.

Angie blushed.

"I think we're gonna go out after school tomorrow."

I felt myself smile at the admission.

"That's great! Holy cannoli, I'm so happy for you." Angie blushed harder.

"Yeah. He's really sweet Bella. And he's just so interested. You'd think everything I said was just so cool or something. He really pays attention to me."

I felt my heart patter with happiness for her.

"I am so happy for you Angie. Ugh, you're getting a love life. My little girl is all grown up."

Angie swatted at me as we walked out of the room.

"So big Friday night! Where are you gonna go?"

She shook her head.

"I don't know. We're still working out the details. I don't want to do a movie, though in this small town that really only leaves bowling." We both grimaced.

"Umm, not for a first date sweetie. You should go to New Moon, the cute little bistro on the waterfront. Oh, and then you can walk along the river. There's lots of park benches. It would be so cute."

She laughed beside me.

"I think you're getting more excited about my date than I am." She teased.

"What can I say? I need to live vicariously through you."

"I don't think you will for long." She eyed me intently.

"Umm, what?" I feigned looking around. "You talking about me, cause I'm pretty sure this situation is as solo as ever."

"What about Edward?"

I felt my face contort into an 'are you out of your mind' sort of look.

"Well, I mean when I see you guys talking in class, it looks pretty cozy." Angie defended.

I shook my head.

"Angie, you're sweet, but no. Edward and I just have a lot of history. It makes this part of the assignment easy. There's common ground, but that's pretty much where it ends." I told her, feeling sad at how true it was.

"I think you could be more. I see the way he looks at you." She pushed.

I wanted to believe her, but my heart told me it was a bad idea.

"I think you're reading too much into it. Don't get me wrong, he's not a bad guy and Lord knows he's not hard to look at, but we're not a good match."

She gave me a disapproving look, and sound.

"I think you're not reading enough into this. There is some serious heat between you too."

I wanted to deny it, but for my part she was sort of right. Edward made me want to jump him sometimes. It really wasn't fair for someone to look that good in jeans. But I doubted Edward saw me as anything more than a class project.

And that was depressing.

"Look, I don't think Edward wants me like that. And even if he did, it would probably only be because he hasn't had me. A new challenge or something stupid like that. Which I really don't think is the case anyways. Can we drop this?" I knew I was being a little short with her, and that she meant well, but thinking of Edward and I as a couple made me ache in ways I really didn't want to contemplate.

"Okay." She said quietly.

"Oh don't be mad at me Angie. Please." I pouted hard and gave her my best puppy-dog eyes. She cracked a smile.

"Fine. But I stand by what I said." She told me defiantly. I loved it when she stood up for herself. It made me happy to see her bossy side come out.

With a playful salute, I bid her later as I rushed to class.

I normally loved my last class of the day. It was a creative writing class taught by a local college professor. He'd gotten special permission from the school to teach on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The other days of the week, I had an independent study as filler.

Usually I loved going, getting to express myself in writing. The only true love in my life.

But today, I was distracted, thinking about Angie's date and her thoughts on Edward potentially liking me.

Hah!

Even though my mind was pre-occupied, class flew by. I was grateful, for once, that it ended so quickly.

Still wrapped in my thoughts I didn't notice the footsteps behind me until I was all the way at my truck. My fingers just reached the door handle when a hand tapped my shoulder.

"Hey, Bella?"

I cringed immediately at the voice, turning reluctantly to face the unwelcome person.

"Hey Mike."

I shouldered my bag uncomfortably, waiting for this to be over as soon as possible.

It wasn't that Mike was so bad, he was just annoyingly persistent. He had already asked me out twice this year. I thought I had managed to find a way to let him down easy, but this was getting ridiculous.

"Hey." He said again. I stared, willing him to just leave me alone. "Uh so I know you said you weren't interested before, but I was wondering if you wanted to go get dinner this weekend. We could just go as friends, I mean."

Friends. Sure.

I sighed, making no effort to hide it.

"I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. But mine haven't changed." I started to explain but he cut me off.

"Yeah, I know. But won't you even give me a chance? We don't have to do anything; I just want to spend time with you."

If he didn't creep me out so much, I probably would have pitied, him. But damn I really wanted him to back off.

"Like I said before, I'm not interested." I kept my tone firm this time, trying to leave no room for misinterpretation.

I could see Mike was getting angry now.

"How can you know you aren't interested if you won't give me a chance. It's not like you have a bunch of options anyways."

The jab cut deeper than he thought.

The little jerk was lucky I didn't punch him.

"Actually, Mike I do have options. You're just not one of them." It was times like this I wished I had a boyfriend. At the very least someone to stand behind me as backup if creeps like Mike wouldn't let go.

Mike scoffed at me.

"Come on Bella, you don't have to lie to me. I don't care if no-one else wants to date you. At least I'm asking."

I was so mad I wanted to pummel his stupid face.

"You don't know shit about me Mike," I hissed. "For the record I do date, and am currently talking to someone. So if you don't want your ass kicked for harassing me, I'd suggest you leave me alone."

The last part was a complete lie, but he didn't need to know that.

I was glad to see his eyes widen and take a step back.

"Oh. You know, I thought you were better than that Bella. If I had known you were letting Cullen fuck you, I wouldn't have bothered."

I tried not to let the surprise show on my face when he mentioned Edward. I was pissed at his presumption, but also kind of glad. At least this was some sort of ammunition to make him go away.

"Good. Leave me alone then." I shouted.

I didn't bother waiting around for him to insult me again. Instead I hoped in my truck and backed quickly out of the parking spot. I narrowly missed hitting him. Part of me wished I had.

The part with more sense, was glad I wouldn't be going to jail for maliciously running someone over.

Trying to curb my rage, I drove home as safely as I could.

Despite my efforts I had to slam on the breaks when I entered the drive.

I was just so angry. My body was shaking with it.

How could someone who knew so little about me be such a jerk? And to act all nice until he didn't get what he wanted.

I rested my head on my steering wheel, willing myself to breathe evenly.

When my door whipped open, the rage swelled up immediately. Fist cocked I turned quickly, ready to strike.

"You fucking-" my fierce voice died, as I realized, to my horror, a surprised Edward stood in front of me.

"Whoa there."

He laid a gentle hand over my shaking fist and lowered it slowly.

My heart was in my throat and I couldn't make myself speak. I'm sure my eyes looked wild.

"You okay?"

I forced myself to breathe and nod my head.

"Sorry." I managed after a moment. "I thought… you scared me." I could still feel my heart beating in my chest.

I closed my eyes and placed a hand over the erratic pattering.

When I opened my eyes again, Edward was looking me over with more than a little worry written on his face.

"Sorry for trying to clobber you." I gave a weak smile. "Was there something you needed?"

He didn't talk but just stared at me for a while.

"No. I saw you pull in. Thought something might be wrong."

Great, he had witnessed even more of my meltdown.

"Nope," was my tightlipped response. I was still too mad about what happened to talk about it. Especially not with him.

I could tell he didn't believe me.

"Just…I really just want to be left alone right now."

For a moment I thought I saw a flash of hurt flicker through his eyes. It happened so quickly I couldn't be sure. All I saw now was disinterest.

"Whatever." He walked away as if he didn't have a care in the world.

I envied that so much.

I watched his retreating back until it disappeared into his house.

Only then did I trust myself enough to get out of the truck.

I stood in the driveway for a long time. I knew I probably looked a sight, starting stupidly at my house, unable to make myself move inside.

I longed for a safe place to go. Somewhere to release the pain.

I knew I'd never find that here.

…

~Edward's POV~

Still in my drive, I watched as Bella had pulled in. Even before she nearly took the turn on two wheels, I knew something was wrong.

I couldn't help myself from walking over.

Seeing her rest her head on the steering wheel did something to me.

What had her so worked up?

Temptation took over common sense and I was shocked when she raised her fist cursing at me when I opened her door.

I could tell she thought I was someone else.

She was shaking so hard. Her beautiful brown eyes full of anger and more than a little pain.

I had to touch her.

Her body trembled beneath my fingers as I lowered her fist.

I wanted to grab her in my arms so badly.

Her lie about being scared bothered me. I wanted to understand who had upset her so badly. But she wanted me to leave. I hated that she didn't trust me.

Walking away was harder than I made it look. I felt her eyes on me the entire time.

And when I went inside, I watched through the window as she stood in the driveway looking lost.

I ached for her. I wanted to tell her I was there for her. But every time it seemed we were getting close; a wall went up. Like today in class.

Seeing her talk about our childhood with such fondness filled me with hope. The way she smiled as if nothing made her happier than to remember those times.

But watching the light die in her eyes killed me.

It was like she was playing hot and cold. Only she didn't know what it was doing to me.

Unable to look at her, I walked upstairs to my bedroom.

I fought the urge to check for her, and instead threw my mind into my studies. Even later when my parents called for dinner, I forced myself not to spare a glance in her direction.

It didn't matter. She never noticed me anyways.

After the first day of class I thought she might check to see if I was looking in on her nightly moon watch.

But she didn't.

I was stupid for thinking anything would change.

These past few weeks had been a mixture of heaven and hell. Every time we talked and she smiled, when she'd accidently brush against me, god even the way her fucking forehead wrinkled in concentration. Everything about her appealed to me and I was acting like an addict ready for another hit.

What was it going to take?

How could I get her to want me as badly as I wanted her?

Even now, laying in my darkened room, my body sang for her. I felt my shaft aching with need. I was literally so hard it fucking hurt.

Unable to take it, I reached down, taking myself out of my boxers.

I imagined it was Bella reaching between my legs to touch me. That she was stroking me with curious fascination and need.

I pumped a little harder as my mind convinced me she'd be willing to take my cock in her mouth. Her plump lips descending over my length. She'd try to take me all in I was sure. Determined not to gag, but unable not to.

My hand moved faster as my fantasy played out. Bella licking my tip as she pumped. Lapping up every bead of moisture she was working from my cock. Seeing the playfully evil glint in her eyes as she used her teeth to incite a painful pleasure. I'd fill her mouth, watching her swallow it all as I explode around her tongue.

The thought drove me to the edge, and I came hard in my hand. Hot, wet liquid coated my fingers and stomach.

I laid there for a long time, letting myself relax.

Eventually I would clean up the mess I had made.

But for now, I was basking in the release, glad to feel the usual pain in my chest subside, even if only for a moment.

AN: I did warn you it was going to get steamy. Y'all ready for more yet?

Also, A big thank you for all the reviews!