Ch 8: Uncomfortable Questions

The rest of the week at school was easy. Edward had taken to walking with me between classes and we alternated sitting with his friends and mine. I was only a little surprised I enjoyed spending time with them. I hadn't thought they were bad people, I guess I just hadn't thought much of them at all.

They were as close as it got to having 'cool kids' in our tiny town. I mean everyone mingled across groups, so there wasn't much of a separation. Even though the group was mostly comprised of cheerleaders and football players, standard stereotypes didn't exist much. We had jocks like Edward on the honor roll, and Rosalie, last year's homecoming queen, was on the debate team.

Still they commanded a certain level of attention that other groups of students didn't necessarily receive. And there was the occasional snotty person that thought they were better than everyone else.

On the whole though, it was fun to spend time with them.

"So, do you have a thing for PB&J or something?" Rose asked the question, confusing me thoroughly.

"Mhhphf?" I questioned around a mouthful as I looked across the table at her. I could tell my bad manners amused her.

"Bella, you're supposed to bite then swallow." Emmett told me laughing.

"Sorry Em, I just like to savor the flavor, really hold it in my mouth before I swallow you know." I told him suggestively. His barking laugh made me smile.

I could almost sense the eye roll Edward was giving us. I ignored him though.

"Oh jeeze, you two. Every time." Rose gave us an exasperated look. We giggled like children.

I liked Emmett's inappropriate, yet somehow five-year-oldish humor.

"What's wrong with PB&J? It has almost all the major food groups in one thing." I informed her.

She shook her head laughing.

"Nothing's wrong with it. But you literally eat the same thing every day. Doesn't it get old?"

It was an innocent comment. There was nothing malicious or mean spirited about it. And yet, instinctively I felt defensive.

They didn't know my dad hadn't held a stable job in over a year. Though the house was paid off, his income barely covered monthly expenses after his booze habit. That I worked part-time to save money for college, but also to buy groceries when dad came home with beer instead of bread.

I wasn't destitute by any means, but I was doing my best to save up enough to get out. The less I spent on non-essentials the more would be waiting in the bank for me.

So sometimes that meant I ate PB&J for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

But they didn't know any of that.

Feigning a smile, I shrugged and took another bite of my sandwich.

Strangely, I felt Edward looking at me. As if he knew something made me uncomfortable.

"You guys have some cool cheers for game tonight?" I asked trying to steer the conversation away from me.

"Of course!" Rose exclaimed. "Alice and I have been working hard to come up with some new routines. I think y'all are gonna be surprised."

Alice was a tiny, pixie-haired girl that was also on the squad. We had actually been close friends in middle-school. But once her and Jasper, her boyfriend, started dating, we sort of fell out of touch. Then again, I had fallen out of touch with most of my friends as I transitioned to high school.

"Oh, it's going to be awesome!" Alice called from a little further down the table. I smiled at her enthusiasm. She had always been overly excited about everything; her bubbly personality could be overwhelming at times.

"Sweet. I'll be cheering for you really loudly."

Emmett guffawed at my comment. We all gave him looks.

"You're going to cheer, for cheerleaders? Does no one think that's funny?"

I laughed.

"I guess it is. But someone should cheer for them. I mean they work harder than you do Em." I gave a light pat to the back of his hand.

His offended look had everyone laughing. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Better get your woman under control E."

I laughed loudly.

"Let's be real, Rose has you so whipped I'm surprised you're not wearing a dog collar."

His mouth dropped open and the guys at the table 'oooo'd at my comment.

I help up one of my carrots pretending it was a treat.

"Oo, does someone want a carrot? Roll over, come-on, you can do it boy." I taunted him. He crossed his arms and pouted.

"I changed my mind, I don't like her. She's mean." He told Edward, who laughed in return.

"Hey you started it. Gotta be prepared to take it, if you're gonna dish it." Edward warned him.

Then in an action that was just totally Emmett, he suddenly snapped up and bit the carrot, taking it out of my hand.

I never laughed so hard in my life. We were all laughing at his antics.

"I stand corrected. You're more like a seagull that people fed too many times."

He chuckled.

"Maybe you'll think twice before you dangle carrots at me."

"You know, now that you say it, the thought of dangling carrots doesn't sound too appealing." I told him scrunching my nose.

He laughed and shook his head.

"Put like that, I'd have to agree. But what do you know about carrots, dangling or otherwise?" His tone made it evident he thought I was a virgin. Which was sort of surprising considering who they thought I was dating. And also, because it wasn't true.

I waggled a finger at him shaking my head.

"A lady doesn't talk about the carrots she's had." I zipped my lips and threw away the key.

"Mmhmm. Meaning you don't have anything to talk about."

I just laughed and ate my carrots.

The rest of lunch was spent making sex jokes and talking about the upcoming game.

All in all, a good lunch.

When it came time for English, I was a happy to find out we would be working in our writing groups today.

As we made our way back the same oak tree spot, I wondered what we would wind up talking about. Danvers was letting us work at our own pace, so it was up to us to determine what we wanted to discuss and when.

I let myself fall comfortably in place against the trunk of the tree as I waited for Edward to do the same. I was surprised when he didn't sit down, but rather stood and paced.

Curious I watched and wondered what had him agitated.

"You okay?" I asked after a minute.

He stopped and slowly looked at me with a searching look that made my stomach flip.

"The PB&J thing at lunch. It bothered you. I was wondering why."

Oh.

I felt my eyes widen, had he really picked up on that?

I wasn't altogether sure what to say as the unfiltered truth seemed like a lot.

"It caught me off guard. I didn't realize my food preferences were noticed." I said carefully. I didn't want to lie to him, but I wasn't sure I was ready to have that conversation.

Edward frowned.

"You don't have to lie to me Bella."

His words stung.

I looked at my shoes my brows furrowed.

"I wasn't lying."

My voice sounded small to my ears and I hated it.

"Fine. You evaded the question."

He had me there.

I played with my shoelaces.

"Maybe because it isn't something I want to talk about."

It was silent between us for a long moment.

I could feel his eyes on me. Burning with questions.

"It is really that big of a deal?"

Feeling frustrated I looked up at him.

"Sometimes money is tight, so I eat a lot of PB&J's. If you're trying to make me feel like shit about it, congratulations, you've succeeded. Can we drop this now?" was my very annoyed reply.

I could tell my answer surprised him. That whatever he thought I was going to say, that wasn't it.

He sat down with a loud plop.

"Fuck Bella." He dragged a hand through his hair, like he always does when he's feeling frustrated. "I didn't know. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad."

I could tell he was being genuine. It made me feel marginally better.

"Look, it's really not a big deal. I'm not going hungry or anything. I just do what I can to help. And I really don't want to talk about this. Can we please change the subject?"

I saw the conflict in his eyes.

He wanted to know more, and I was asking him not to push.

"Okay." I felt myself relax a little. He was silent again for some time. "Would you tell me something else then?"

I felt my head tilt as I waited.

"Are you a virgin?"

Of all the things he could have asked that was not something I expected.

"Why do you want to know?"

He seemed to think on it a second.

"It's something a real boyfriend would know. Today at lunch I realized we had never talked about it before."

I guessed I could see the logic there.

"So you need to know, because it helps us pretend better?" I asked for clarification.

"I just wasn't sure how to respond today. And honestly I didn't think it would bother you to talk about it."

I waited a moment, eyeing him, trying to decide if I believed that. But he did have a point of sorts. It would be difficult to know when to step in or let me handle it, if the subject came up again. Knowing Emmett, it probably would.

"No. I'm not a virgin."

His surprise was evident.

"Really?" The note of disbelief was almost comical.

"Is it so hard to believe that someone wanted to have sex with me?" I asked cautiously, trying to understand his reaction.

"No. It's not hard to believe someone would want you, Bella. I'm just surprised you wanted them."

I frowned at his words.

"Because…?" I trailed off not understanding his logic.

He gave a strange laugh.

"Hell if I know. I'm just surprised." He paused a moment and looked at me curiously. "Who was it with?"

Did he really want to know all that?

"Not anyone you know."

He frowned.

"So, was it like a one-time thing?"

I could feel the heat on my cheeks at his line of questioning.

"No. Not exactly."

Spotting the color rising in my face, he gave me a raised brow.

"What does that mean?"

"It means, you have a penchant for asking uncomfortable questions today." I told him exasperated. He just looked at me. "What difference does it make?"

Many emotions seemed to flit across his face. I recognized I was in trouble when he settled on one.

Desire.

"If you've only been fucked once it makes a very big difference." His eyes flashed. "So I'm wondering when I get you alone, am I going to have to really take my time, or can I give it to you hard."

I'm fairly certain my heart stopped beating. And I had a decision to make.

I could act like his assumption of getting me alone was never going to happen and he was way off base for suggesting it.

Or…I go with it.

Decisions, decisions.

"It just so happens, I really like both."

His pupils dilated almost instantly. He reached out take a tendril of my hair in his fingers.

"How long has it been?" He inched nearer while lightly tugging on the strand.

"A while." I mentioned, eyes locked with his.

A smirk slowly formed on his face.

"How long is 'a while' exactly?"

I was unable to stop the eye roll.

"Summer camp after sophomore year." His smile grew a little bigger.

"Sounds like one hell of a summer camp."

I gave him a 'well-you-know' kind of look. When he laughed lightly, I could feel his breath on my face.

"It's been a while though. I'll definitely have to take my time with you."

Somehow that prospect was terrifying and delicious.

The thought of Edward taking his time, savoring every inch of my body made me want to fidget. I forced myself to keep still.

"As much as I'm loving this seduction, we do have an assignment." I told him with an arched brow. He gave me one in return.

"Here I thought that's exactly what we were working on."

Even, turned on as I was, he had the ability to make me laugh. He had always been good at that when we were younger.

"Sometimes you're just a little too much." I ruffled his hair, disheveling it even further. I could tell my switch to a playful stance had surprised him.

He seemed to consider me thoughtfully.

"What?" I asked after a moment.

"Will you actually be at the game tonight?"

Odd change of topic.

"I was planning on it. Is there a reason I shouldn't be?"

He shook his head.

"No. Just checking." Sometimes I really couldn't keep up with his logic. "You gonna sit in the back?"

"I don't know. Is there somewhere girlfriends are supposed to sit?" I wondered aloud.

His sudden laugh had me curious about what it was I was missing.

"I think you forgot to tell me the joke."

The crookedness of his smile made me want to kiss the corner of his mouth.

I resisted.

Barely.

"You're one of a kind, Bella."

I'm sure my face was very confused.

"Ookayy. When you decide to stop talking in riddles I'll be here. Ya know, planet Earth, where people can't read minds."

He laughed again.

"If you could, would you want to read mine?"

What an interesting prospect.

Would I want to know what went on in that gorgeous head of his?

Hmm, probably sex. Lots and lots of sex.

"No." I decided. He seemed taken aback by my answer.

"Curiouser and curiouser." He tapped the end of my nose.

All this physical contact was not so great for my current predicament.

"Yup, I'm a real Alice. Speaking of rabbit holes, was there a point to any of this?" He rolled his eyes and leaned back, giving me some much-needed space.

"For someone so open minded you have a real issue with the unknown."

Part of me wanted to be offended, but there was some truth to that statement.

"I don't like games." I said carefully. "It's too easy to misunderstand what people want. And I just think it's better to be upfront about it."

He gave me an appreciative look.

"What do you want Bella?" He seemed interested. Truly and genuinely.

The question gave me pause.

I took a deep breath, thinking it over.

"Sometimes I don't know." I looked over the field at the other pairs chatting. "Do you ever just… wonder what other people's lives are like? They make it look so easy. That their biggest worry is what to wear to Prom. But… I guess you never know what's going on. Maybe it isn't so great."

When he was silent, I turned to find him looking at me deeply.

"What?"

He watched my eyes attentively.

"I'd ask what your biggest worry is, but you wouldn't tell me would you." It was more of a statement than a question.

"No. Probably not. Would you?" I'd be surprised if he would.

"No, I guess not."

A silence settled between us that made me feel we were on the edge of something important. And I felt just a step toward him would shatter me.

I wasn't ready for that yet.

"So, back to my original question. Is there somewhere I should sit tonight?"

I could tell he wasn't happy I changed the subject. That I was running away from whatever it was we were heading towards.

"You can sit wherever you want." Something in his tone told me he meant something other than what he was saying.

"Okay. I'll probably sit with Ange in the back then." He nodded at me and I could tell whatever conversation we were having was pretty much over now.

Somehow, that didn't make me feel any better.

AN: Hey Guys! Sorry it took me longer to get this update out. This Corona virus has turned my life upside down (probably like everyone else) Things seem like they are calming on my end now, so hopefully I can get more content out soon.

Thanks for all the amazing support with reviews, follows, and favs. It's been awesome to see how much y'all are liking my story so far!