Ch 17: One Broken Glass

~ Bella's POV~

Thankfully Ange was too wrapped up in the win to question why I had gotten so quiet all the sudden. When I'd found her after Edward walked away, she had been in a dreamy haze from making out with Ben I was sure.

Though I wanted to talk to her, I couldn't find it in me to ruin her night with my nervousness over Edward's cold shoulder.

I mean, he was probably just tired. It had been a long game.

But no matter how much I wanted to convince myself otherwise, I knew he was upset with mine and Jake's exchange.

I wondered if that meant he liked me as more than a friend. If that was the case, then his reaction made sense. Sort of.

It's not like I had been all over Jacob. I was jut so excited to see him again. It had been so long. And even though we had a sexual history, that wasn't the part I was thinking about. It was the friendship we had. How I had confided in him about so much of the crap I dealt with from my dad. And he had told me about the shit that went on at home for him too.

It was similar to how Ange and I had bonded. And that's the part I missed. Our friendship.

But it would be hard to explain that to Edward without getting into details I wasn't ready to discuss with him.

Still, his reaction worried me. Was it because he saw Jacob as a threat to our friendship? Or because he wanted more?

I was gnawing my lip as I drove towards the beach, and I hoped whatever was going on with Edward that he would talk to me about it.

When we arrived, I tried not to dwell on my thoughts, but rather helped set up for when the players started to arrive. We built fires, got food ready, set up chairs if needed, and anything else that needed to be done.

It wasn't too long after that the boys started showing up. I kept my eyes on the lookout for Edward, but he wasn't there yet. So, I hung out with the group and even managed to take my mind off of things for a little while when Rose and Alice arrived.

They were so excited from the game and not to mention their over the top performance. It was so nice just spending time with everyone and seeing how happy they were. Their joy was simply contagious.

But as more people arrived and Edward had yet to show, my lightheartedness started dimming.

Not wanting to bring anyone down, I slipped away un-noticed by the group to walk along the shore.

I had taken my shoes off and was letting the waves lap at my feet when footsteps fell in beside me.

"So, I think I need to apologize."

I scrunched my nose in confusion.

"What would you have to apologize for?" I asked without looking at him.

"For potentially causing issues with you and Cullen."

I sighed at how perceptive he was, even though it had been forever since we'd spent time together.

"You don't need to apologize Jake. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Come on Bella. If my girl's EX kissed her, no matter how innocently, I'd be pretty pissed about it."

I stopped to look at the waves before I spoke, knowing I wouldn't be able to lie to him anyways.

"I'm not technically his girl."

I could tell that caught him off guard.

"Are you messing with me? Because, I got reamed by half my team when they found out I kissed Edward's girlfriend on the cheek."

Seeing he had now caught me off guard, he clarified.

"We might be rivals, but all the guys are friends with Edward. And there's a lot of loyalty there too. So you wanna explain that earlier comment?"

I sighed again, gearing up to explain as concisely as I could.

"Look, between us, it's not real. It's a fake relationship."

His eyes widened considerably.

"Okay, you're definitely gonna have to explain that one."

And I realized I wanted to. Maybe he could shed some insight that I was obviously missing.

I motioned for him to sit on the beach and I joined his side.

Then I told him everything.

From how Mike was harassing me and spread rumors, how Edward suggested we go with it, to how we were now re-kindling our old friendship and also happened to be having sex.

"Bella, you're an idiot."

I gave him a disgruntled look.

"Gee, thanks."

He shook his head.

"No. I mean I can't believe you think Edward doesn't like you. It's so obvious it's downright painful to listen to your story."

I threw myself back in the sand with an exaggerated sigh.

"How is it obvious? He hasn't told me he likes me. And just because he did in the past doesn't mean he does now. And don't give me some crap about how because we're having sex it means something. Plenty of people have sex without being emotionally involved. I mean come on, we're a prime example of that."

Jake was strangely silent.

"About that…"

I sat up quickly, eyes wide.

"No!" I said horrified, but he gave me a sheepish grin. "You told me you didn't have feelings for me. Outright told me that. We agreed we were just friends with benefits. And you're the one that told me you had feelings for someone else and so we went back to just being friends with no sex." I disagreed passionately.

He was shaking his head at me and motioning for me to calm down. So I tried.

"Okay listen. We were just friends, but I did start to have greater feelings for you. I mean you were really there for me when I needed it. And you cared for me in ways that no-one else had. But I knew that neither of us were ready for a real, romantic relationship.

"My point is, that even though, technically, yes, we were never more than friends, I can see how a real relationship with you would have been natural. The only thing that really kept that from happening is that we spent so much time apart during the year, and the calls and texts just weren't enough. I did fall for someone else eventually, but I'm just saying that if I hadn't met Nessie, I probably would have tried to date you."

I could hardly believe what I was hearing.

"But… I don't understand that. I mean friends can be there for each other without it being more."

He nodded his head.

"Yeah but come on Bella. You know it's always more than that with you. You're not just there. You actively try to make people's lives better. You really care about the happiness of others and when someone talks to you, you really listen. Having that, on top of a physical attraction is literally grounds for love. You have a real relationship with Edward even if neither of you are willing to admit it."

I shook my head.

"God you are so stubborn. Why do you think what you have isn't real?"

The exasperation in his tone was clear.

"I think we have a real friendship. And I think everything you said has more to do with being a genuine person than someone's partner. I understand that would be a good trait to have in a partner and how having that with someone might make you start thinking about them that way, I'm just not convinced that's what Edward and I have."

He gave me a long look.

"Can you at least admit you have feelings for him. Real, genuine, romantic feelings."

I gnawed my lip but nodded my head.

"Yeah. I can admit that."

A small smile eased onto his face.

"He feels the same way Bella. As a guy and based on everything I saw, I can promise you that."

I didn't say anything for a moment.

"He walked away from me after you left." I admitted in a small voice. I was still really worried about that.

"Well that just proves my point more. I mean personally I think he's an idiot for walking away, but jealousy makes you do stupid things."

"Jealousy? What's there to be jealous about?"

He shook his head at me.

"Come on Bella. How would you feel if one of Edward's smoking hot EX's showed up, and he was excited to see her, and she kissed his cheek?"

Just the thought had my stomach churning. But it also made me angry.

"So you're saying I can't have guy friends that I joke around with? You're my friend, and I was excited to see you. It'd be different if I got to see you all the time, or even if I knew you were in town ahead of time. It was just like a really nice surprise. How do you not get excited over that?"

"I'm not saying you're wrong. You should be able to have friends and joke around as much as you like. But from what you've told me, both of you really like each other, but neither of you is willing to admit it. And since you won't admit it, there's a lot of insecurity. He doesn't know you like him, so of course he's gonna feel threatened by me. He doesn't even have the benefit of knowing me either, so he doesn't know that I'm not the type of person to steal someone else's girlfriend."

Though he was making sense, my head was still having a hard time believing.

"You really think that's what this is? That he likes me and this whole thing is just both of us being insecure?"

He nodded his head.

"A perfectly concise way of putting it."

Then this gave me a whole different set of worries.

"Then I guess I should break things off."

The thought alone had my heart throbbing.

"Why?" His voice was almost tortured.

"Because if you're right, and he really likes me back, then I shouldn't drag this out and make it more painful for both of us."

"What could possibly be more painful than breaking up with him before he even has the chance to really be yours?" Jake was confused and clearly outraged on Edward's behalf. I could have smiled if I didn't feel so much like throwing up.

"Is this because of Rene?"

My head whipped around and I was suddenly standing, shaking with anger before I even realized what I was doing.

"Don't you ever talk about that woman in front of me ever again!" I hissed. I felt so irrationally angry. I could tell I surprised him. That he wasn't aware how much I still hurt.

"I wasn't trying to bring up old hurt. I'm just saying maybe you need to consider the fact that you have a hard time letting people in because of her."

Unwanted tears were rolling down my cheeks. Because even though I knew he was somewhat right, I couldn't let it go. Not when it still affected me so much.

I turned away as I tried to get my emotions and breathing back under control. It was so rare for me to lose it like that.

Warm hands patted my shoulder.

"Hey, look, I'm sorry. I know it's a touchy subject, I really didn't mean to upset you. I just think you should give Edward a chance. Really let him in. You're great at being there for other people, but you need to learn to accept help too."

He was right, but he was also so wrong. I couldn't let anyone in. There was just too much pain, too many things I wanted to hide away from. And if I couldn't face them, how could I expect anyone else to?

"It was really good to see you again Jake, but I think I need to go home. Maybe I'll see you around sometime." My voice was tight, and I didn't allow myself to glance back, afraid that what I'd see would make me break down before I could make it home.

I walked past the others quickly, praying my departure would go un-noticed. Thankfully Ange had already arranged to ride home with Ben, so I didn't have to worry about her. I knew I should probably let her know I was leaving, but I couldn't risk stopping to talk.

Instead I sent a quick text telling her I wasn't feeling well and was heading home. I didn't check for a reply, but left as quickly as I could. The pressure in my chest was building as old memories played in my head. Pain bloomed within me and I was struggling to breathe. I knew I was going to have a meltdown, I just needed to make it home first.

I was barely in the door before the sobs broke through, my chest heaving painfully. I doubled over, trying to choke back the emotion that was hell bent on coming through. In the back of my mind I knew I must be having a panic attack, so I staggered to the kitchen for a glass a water and the old bottle of anti-anxiety meds I had been prescribed years ago but rarely used.

I was shaking so badly I was having a hard time holding on to the glass. And then it slipped, crashing to the counter, slicing my wrist in one unfortunate mishap.

As the blood gushed from my wrist, my knees gave out. The mixture of my hyperventilating and seeing blood had my head swimming. I felt too weak to move so I simply sat on the floor, clutching my hand to my chest trying to remain calm while keeping pressure on the wound.

"What the fuck!?"

My head snapped up at the words.

Edward was standing in the kitchen a look of pure horror on his face.

I wanted to re-assure him that I was okay, but I couldn't find my voice to talk.

And suddenly he was at my side, pulling my arm away from my body to wrap my wrist in a dishcloth.

"Th-anks." I managed after a few minutes of watching him work to stop the bleeding.

Then he was lifting me off the floor, but I was too tired to object.

"Dad! Help!" He yelled as we crossed the yard, but the sound was somewhat muted to my ears.

My head just felt so dizzy, so I closed my eyes.

"What happened?" The soft yet deep voice of Carlisle Cullen spoke as his gentle hands moved across mine.

"I don't know. I found her on the kitchen floor, there was a bottle of pills on the counter and glass was everywhere." Edward's voice was rushed, and higher than usual.

"Bella, I need you to tell me, did you take any pills?"

I might have been embarrassed if my head wasn't still spinning.

"N-no. P-anic atta-ck. G-lass sl-ipped." I tried to speak, but I was shaking, and my words weren't coming out clearly. I took a few calming breaths as I tried to get the shaking under control.

"You were having a panic attack and you dropped a glass?" He re-iterated I was sure for clarity. This time I nodded my head.

"And you didn't have any pills?"

"No." I wasn't sure if he believed me, but he didn't pressure me about it again.

"You said you found her on the floor? Bella did you fall? Hit your head?"

I carefully shook my head, trying not to make myself any dizzier than necessary. He was inspecting my eyes and looking at me for confirmation.

"My kn-ees gave out w-hen I saw the bl-ood." I took another calming breath as I tried to clear the fogginess from my mind. "I di-dn't hit my h-ead."

His nod was short.

"Did you see the cut? Was it big?" This time he spoke to Edward.

"It wasn't huge, but it looked deep." His voice was somewhat calmer now, but it held a tense edge.

"Do you know how much blood she lost?"

"Just whatever's on her shirt and the towel."

Carlisle gave everything a once over, nodding his head.

I didn't think I had lost much blood. Just the sight of it had made me so dizzy. That and the fact I was hyperventilating.

"I'm gonna look at the cut okay?" he warned. I looked away. I wasn't sure I could stomach seeing it again.

My stomach lurched slightly as I felt the release of pressure as he unwound the cloth from my arm.

"Okay, this isn't too bad. A little deep, you'll need stitches, but not a transfusion or anything, which was my immediate concern."

That was good at least.

"Cool." I mumbled as he continued to inspect the injury. I focused on breathing and trying to quell the nausea.

"Edward, can you go get Bella a cup of water?" I noticed Edward stiffened but did as asked. I assumed Carlisle sent him away because he wanted to ask the question again.

"I did-n't take any p-ills." I said immediately, stumbling a lot less over my words this time. Carlisle gave me a small smile.

"Pretty transparent, aren't I?"

I gave a weak smile.

"Th-ey were for my panic at-tack. Just Valium." I told him directly.

He nodded while disinfecting the cut on my wrist.

"How do you feel now?"

"Better. The s-care kinda knock-ed me out of it."

"Do you get panic attacks often?" His voice was casual, but it made me feel uncomfortably scrutinized.

I shrugged in an attempt to seem nonchalant.

"Not really. Every on-ce in a while."

"How often is every once in a while?" he pressed.

"Bad ones? May-be twice a year." He nodded, listening.

"And the not so bad ones?"

I sighed.

"Every other month or so." Now that I had calmed and was starting to feel better, I was getting embarrassed. "My arm okay?" I asked hoping to change the topic. Carlisle gave me a look that told me exactly what he thought of that.

"You should probably have a few stitches put in, but otherwise it looks like a clean cut."

I nodded but was still careful not to look at the gash.

"Can you stitch it? Or do I have to go to the hospital?"

I prayed not. Hospitals could be very expensive, and I really didn't have the money for that kind of thing.

I don't know if he sensed the hesitancy in my voice or noticed the uneasiness in my eyes, but he shook his head.

"I can set you up with some temporary stitches. They won't be as good as what you'd get in the hospital, but it'll give you a week of coverage. If they don't hold well, you may have to go in."

Nodding my head, I silently promised myself not to do anything to stress my stiches out.

Edward came back in then with a cup of water in hand. I noticed it was in a plastic cup rather than glass. I guess it was a good call all things considered.

"Thanks." I said softly, taking a few sips from the cup.

Neither of us spoke as Carlisle stitched me up. I was too embarrassed about the whole situation, and I'm pretty sure Edward was freaked out about it.

I wondered why he wasn't at the beach, and more so, how he had known I was in trouble and found me. My stomach churned thinking about how this might affect us moving forward.

I wasn't just being dramatic when I mentioned to Jake about breaking it off. If Edward really did have feelings for me, then it probably would be kinder to both of us for me to end it now. He deserved better than the half-truth version of my life he knew.

Thankfully, Carlisle made quick work of my arm, so I didn't have to endure the tense silence of my thoughts for long.

"That should do it." He finished winding the gauze around my wrist, protecting the new set of stitches. "Change the gauze frequently, check for infection and keep the cut clean." His voice was both firm and gentle. A true doctorly experience.

"Will do. Thanks. Sorry for the scare." I gave an apologetic smile.

"Just glad we were here to help. I hate to leave you, but my shift at the hospital starts soon." He glanced at his watch with a frown. "I'm guessing your dad wasn't home, maybe I can give him a quick call."

That had my heart beating rapidly again.

"That's not necessary." My words rushed out, and I could tell it surprised and concerned Carlisle. "I mean, I can call him." I forced myself to speak calmly and gave what I hoped was a convincing laugh.

"If you call him, he'd probably freak out. I'd just rather do it so he knows I'm okay." I clarified, hoping he would let it go and not insist on calling himself.

Carlisle gave me a long look but nodded, handing me his cell phone. He motioned for Edward to walk out with him, giving me a little bit of privacy.

I looked down at the phone, hating how much I didn't want to make the call. But I figured he would know if I didn't try.

My fingers punched in the number unthinkingly, muscle memory taking over. I didn't bother calling my dad, he wouldn't pick up and the thought of him drunk calling Carlisle back in the middle of the night made me nauseous.

Instead I called the one place he was bound to be.

"This is Waylon." The man spoke shortly, the loud sounds of country music and drunks cheering filling the background.

"Hey, Waylon. It's Bella. Is dad there?"

"Oh. Hey Bella. Yeah, he's here. You okay darlin?" His voice held concern that made my eyes water. The local bartender shouldn't care more about my well-being than my own dad, but hey, that was my life.

"Umm, yeah. I mean, I just had a little accident at the house. I'm fine. I was just gonna let him know, if, uh, I could get through to him." What a polite way to say it. We both knew I was asking if he was so drunk that he wouldn't know who I was, much less care if I was okay.

"Oh. Uh. Maybe? I can put him on?" His hesitancy wasn't encouraging, but I figured I had to try.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Course, darlin." Sounds shifted in the background and I heard Waylon shout over the den of noise. "Hey, Charlie! Your baby girl is on the phone."

I cringed. More shuffling sounds.

"Haayy baaby. You called mee!"

The slurring was distinct, but at least he knew who I was.

"Hey dad."

"Heyy m-my darter is onn the phone." I had no idea who he was talking to, and he was excited to hear from me apparently. I tried not to think about how much that made my heart ache.

"Umm, I'm fine, but I just wanted to let you know that I had a little accident. I cut my hand on a glass, but Carlisle stitched me up and I'm fine now."

"You cuutt youseef? Belllla, nooo!"

I winced.

"It was a little accident. I'm okay."

"Hii okay! I'm daad!" He giggled at his joke.

I sighed, wondering how much he was actually understanding.

"Yes. I am okay. I just wanted to let you know."

"Le'mee know whaat?"

I gritted my teeth.

"That I cut my hand." I repeated. Loud shouts sounded on the other side, making me wince. "Dad?"

Background noise filled the speaker for a seemingly long time. I hung my head in defeat. He probably set the phone down.

"Hey Bella? You still there?" Waylon was back on.

"Yeah. It's okay. Thanks for trying for me."

There was a long pause between us.

"You sure you're okay? I can have Molly come get you, take you to the doctor?" The offer was sweet, but I didn't want to see anyone. Even Waylon's very sweet wife. I was already embarrassed enough about the mishap.

"Oh, um, Dr. Cullen actually already gave me a once over. I'm fine now. Really."

He sighed gently.

"Alright then. How about I drop Charlie off at the house later, after I close up?"

My throat bobbed as unwanted emotions filled me.

"Thanks. I'll leave some money in the box for you."

"Aww, Bella, you don't need to do that. You just take care of yourself honey."

The concern was nearly more than I could bare.

"Thanks Way. I will."

The pit in my stomach was growing ever larger. I hated the feeling of helplessness that was threatening to engulf me. Determined not to let myself wallow in self-pity, I snapped the phone closed.

Carlisle and Edward entered almost immediately after; both of their expressions were concerned.

I tried not to think about how much of that conversation they likely overheard.

"Thanks." I handed Carlisle back his cell.

"Everything okay?"

I nodded.

"Yeah. He'll won't be home for a little bit, but I'm really fine though. I feel a lot better now anyways."

His frown was prominent, but we both knew there wasn't anything he could really do about it.

"I don't like the idea of you being alone." I should have expected the remark, he was a doctor. Still I wasn't sure what to do about it.

I opened my mouth to say something when Edward spoke up.

"She won't be." He stepped to my side, surprising me when he laid a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"You don't-" I stopped mid-sentence when his eyes cut sharply to mine. I guessed there was no way around the coming conversation.

He and Carlisle shared a look. I wasn't even sure if Carlisle knew we were 'seeing' each other, but whatever he saw in Edward's eyes must have satisfied him, because he gave a nod of approval.

"You call me if you start to feel even a little bit sick, okay?" I nodded wordlessly. He looked to Edward. "I'll see you in the morning. Be safe tonight."

They shared a hug that made my heart throb with longing for things I couldn't have.

And when the front door closed signaling Carlisle's departure, the pit in my stomach grew.

Edward eye's bored into mine for a long moment before he spoke.

"I think we need to talk."

AN: Well that escalated quickly. I always worry about how realistic a dramatic scene is set up, but sometimes I just want to go for it. Hopefully y'all enjoy a little dramatic flair!

Thanks for all the love you guys!