Ch 22: A long time coming

~ Bella's POV~

The night passed in a blur of hilarity. We played truth or dare deep into the evening, only calling it quits when it became painfully obvious that Jacob and Nessie were ready to go bang each other.

I couldn't really complain though, because I had similar thoughts on my mind. I glanced sideways at Edward who had dozed off leaning against the door.

He had fallen asleep about ten minutes ago. I wasn't upset though. He looked pretty tired; a full night of running around doing dares was exhausting.

I smiled to myself thinking how ridiculous we had all been. It was also not lost on me that something was happening between Quil and Seth.

To be honest everyone in the group noticed fireworks were there. They had to know right? I couldn't be entirely sure, but I tired to do my part to help.

In fact, being the great friends that we all are, we did our best the entire evening to push them together more. I couldn't be sure if they were going to do anything about it, but I hoped something developed.

I wondered if they would feel embarrassed? Did they think we wouldn't accept them? The thought made me sad.

"What are you thinking about so intently?" Edward's voice cut in.

Startled, I looked over to see him watching me curiously.

"I didn't realize you had woken up."

He smiled slightly.

"I never fell asleep."

That surprised me. He had been so quiet. Maybe something was on his mind?

"You didn't answer my question." His voice carried over, interrupting my thoughts once more.

"Uhh?" I was trying to recall what he asked, but my mind was coming up empty. His chuckle was light.

"You looked like you were thinking hard about something. I was wondering what that was."

Ohh. Right.

"I was just thinking about Seth and Quil. I was wondering if they were gonna get together or not." He looked surprised at that. "You didn't notice?"

Somehow that didn't seem possible.

"Yea, I noticed. I'm just surprised that's what was on your mind."

I felt my brow furrow.

"What did you think was on my mind?"

I could feel the intense gaze even before I glanced over.

"I imagined you were second guessing agreeing to be in a relationship with me."

The words and honesty were startling.

"That's… wow. Why?" I was clearly puzzled.

The silence seemed to loom between us for a moment.

"I guess because we rushed into it pretty suddenly today. And you've been quiet for a while."

I wasn't even sure how to respond.

"I thought you fell asleep, so I was trying to let you rest." I gripped the steering wheel nervously. "Are you having second thoughts?"

I couldn't look at him, but kept my eyes focused on the road.

"No."

His words were quiet, but firm. I didn't altogether relax though.

He had to have a better reason than me being a little quiet to think I was already contemplating ending our fresh relationship.

Was it something I said? Or did?

My mind was drawing blanks.

I thought if anything I looked like I wanted to jump him all night long.

Because I did. I mean I did try to not be too obvious about it. And I mostly kept my hands to myself. But that was to make sure I didn't get carried away. Edward wasn't usually fond of PDA and I was trying to respect that. Even if it did take most of my concentration.

"You look upset."

I was upset.

"I'm just trying to figure out what I did wrong." My chest felt tight. How was it that we had only just agreed to be in a real relationship and I was already a disappointment?

"Bella." His tone was soft, but I couldn't make myself look at him. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Then why was he thinking I was ready to call it quits not even twelve hours later?

"Pull over."

I felt my brows raise.

"What? Why?" I looked at him quickly, half expecting him to look like he was going to hurl. But he looked perfectly fine.

"I need you to pull over for a minute."

Unwilling to hold him hostage if he needed to get out, I did as asked, and pulled over to the side of the road.

It was pitch-black save the soft-yellow lights from my truck. And even they didn't have the best range.

I looked over when I heard his buckle click. He didn't get out like I expected, but rather scooted right beside me, taking my face in his hands.

He just stared at me for a long time.

It made me nervous. I could feel my heart pounding hard against my chest.

"You didn't do anything wrong." He repeated from before. "I'm just worried I rushed you into something you might not have been ready for. And despite the fact I know that, I'm too selfish to let you go."

I was captive to his words.

His thumb brushed my bottom lip gently.

"I've wanted you for so long Bella and it may take some time to feel like this is real. Because I keep thinking at any moment, I'm going to wake up and you're going to be just my neighbor. And I'll have lost you again."

His words hit me hard.

It reflected much of what I felt too. That we were just a fragile dream easily broken.

Feeling overwhelmed with relief, I turned my lips to kiss his palm.

"I'm not going anywhere Edward."

His eyes told me he wasn't sure if he believed it, but I could tell he wanted to.

I pulled him into a deep hug, both of us needing the reassurance.

It was heavenly.

Hugging Edward was one of the best feelings in the world. It was comforting, and sweet, and just perfect. It made me never want to leave the blissful circle of his arms.

So even as a minute ticked by, I just held on. Not ready to let go yet.

I'm not sure how long we hugged, but every second of it soothed me deeply. In ways I'm certain I probably couldn't understand.

"This is really nice." He sighed into my neck.

I pulled him tighter, relishing the sigh of content that escaped his lips.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" I wasn't ready to let him go, or be apart from him. I felt his fingers flex against my sides as his grip tightened.

"Yes." He kissed the side of my neck gently. "I'm not sure I would have been willing to let you go anyways."

I nuzzled into him a bit more, and lingered just a moment longer.

When we pulled away, I wasn't quite ready. But we did need to get home.

Thankfully, Edward didn't move back. He stayed seated in the middle, one arm draped across the back of my seat, his hand gently stroking my hair. It made the rest of our drive more pleasant.

We weren't too far from home anyways, and I was grateful to be back soon.

Pulling in the drive made my stomach clench uneasily. Dad's car wasn't home. I tried not to think about it.

After parking I looked over to Edward.

"I need to grab a few things, but I'll be over in a minute."

He frowned, tracing the wrinkle in my brow.

"I can come with you if you want."

The thought of Edward in my house made me very uneasy. I glanced at it momentarily, knowing there was no real reason not to let him come with me.

Dad wasn't home.

And it wouldn't be likely for him to come home anytime soon.

Yet, I still didn't like it. As if Edward would be able to sense the heartache in the walls.

I looked back, seeing the resigned acceptance on his face. As if he already knew I wasn't going to let him in. And that he wasn't going to push even though I was sure it hurt him.

It made me ache. And I hated thinking my actions might cause him pain.

"Okay." I nodded before I could change my mind.

They way his eyes lit up was well worth the pit of unease in my stomach.

Silently, I led him into the house and up the stairs to my room.

I tried to quell the nervousness as I quickly packed my bag.

"I gotta grab a few things from the bathroom. I'll be right back."

I wasn't gone long, but as cruel fate would have it, it was just long enough. My stomach dropped when I heard the front door bang open.

"Bellllaa?" His drunk cadence could be heard throughout the house, and I knew, Edward had to have heard it too.

Stuffing down the dread, I rushed down the stairs to find dad staggering towards the kitchen, a mostly empty bottle of whisky gripped in one hand.

I watched in horror as he lost his footing and landed on the floor with a loud thud.

"Shiiitt." He mumbled looking around like he couldn't figure out how he had gotten there.

"You okay daddy?" I crouched beside him, my nose involuntarily wrinkling at the saturated smell of alcohol.

He blinked awkawardly and slowly, before deciding he knew who I was. Yet the look of recognition turned sad, and I knew where this was going.

"Youu lo'k jus like herr." Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes as he lifted his hand to pat my cheek. I couldn't help the flinch.

"I'm not her." I told him firmly, trying my best to hold the emotion back.

The moisture in his eyes grew, spilling down over his cheeks.

"You culd been herr twin, my Rennee." He paused sadly. "You'll 'eave mee too."

That felt like a punch to the gut.

"I'm not her. I'm here."

He nodded sadly.

"Youu shn't b-be. My-y sweet Bellaa. To-o good to m-me. Yoo des'rve better."

It broke my heart to see him like that.

"I told you, I'm not going anywhere."

"Iss my faullt. She gone 'cause me."

I wanted to tell him he was gone too, because of her. Lost in his own mind, stuck in the past and never able to move on.

"No, she left us and it was her fault. She decided she didn't want us anymore. You didn't do anything wrong." How many times had I told him as much? How many times had I told myself the same thing?

And yet, how many times did either of us believe it?

"No-ot ur fault ba-by girrl." He stroked my hand. "I-I, jus miss herr," he sobbed.

It broke me, hearing that. Knowing I wasn't enough, and that I never would be. If I had been, I could have brough him back years ago. He wouldn't be this sad pathetic person. He'd be my dad and there for me like dad's are supposed to be.

The anger and despair circled through my head, and all I could do was hold onto my sobbing father and wait for the storm to pass. The familiar numbness set in, and in those moments, I wondered if I had become stone. Time passed but I felt nothing, just blank emptiness.

Everything was quiet and still, so much so, that part of me wondered if I had finally died. But a gentle shake to my shoulder brought me face to face with a very concerned looking Edward and back to reality.

In the far recesses of my mind I had been hoping that by some small grace, Edward was oblivious, just waiting for me in my room. Obviously, that wasn't the case, and I wondered, as I stared at him numbly, how long it would take for him to leave too.

"Sorry," my voice was hoarse, dead, "I-" I couldn't find words. Maybe I was too tired. Too numb, but I couldn't find the words to explain, or any words for that matter.

But Edward was shaking his head.

"Here, help me get him up."

Wordlessly, I followed.

"Daddy," I shook his should gently, causing him to stir. "We need to get to the couch. Can you stand up with me?"

He wasn't really awake, but he mumbled and tried getting to his feet. Edward helped a lot, supporting him from one side while I took the other.

We slowly walked him to the living room, where he immediately crashed to the couch. I doubted he would remember any of this tomorrow.

Though I was so tired I could hardly stand, muscle memory took over, leading me to the hall closet where I stored a spare blanket. After removing his shoes, I nestled the blanket around him, and stroked back his hair.

"Bella?"

I had been avoiding looking at Edward, scared of what I might see. Now there was no avoiding it.

He walked up to me slowly, eyes cautious, as if I was a wild animal that might run off any second. Lucky for him, I was too tired to move, much less run anywhere.

"Will he be okay?" his eyes glanced to my dad.

"Yeah. He never pukes, but if he does, he's on his stomach."

I figured it was a little too late to pretend this was a first occurrence. His eyes were deeply concerned, but what could I do?

"You're exhausted."

He wasn't wrong, but I shrugged.

"I'm okay."

Something close to anger flashed through his eyes, but it didn't stick around long enough for me to process what it was.

"Considering that I don't think you're up for a fight, I'll let that comment go. But I'm telling you now, you're coming with me. You're getting a shower and going to sleep. In my bed. With me."

His voice was firm and soft at the same time. And despite the fact it was a little more than high handed, it felt good to know that he wanted to be there. That he cared enough to not let me be alone.

Needing more of his strength, I stepped into his arms and held on. Saying nothing else, he picked me up and carried me out of the house.

True to his word, when we made it to his place, he helped me shower, dressed me for bed, and then tucked me into his side.

Part of me knew tomorrow was going to be hell, but for now, I was content. Content to be surrounded by someone who genuinely cared for me. And it had been a long time since felt that way.

AN: Yeahhhh… this has been a long time coming.

Thanks for all the love! Hope you enjoy this update.