Sitting up in bed, heart hammering against her chest, she looked around in a mild panic before taking a deep breath and steadying herself. Gently running her thumb over her ring finger and feeling it bare, she remembered where she was and what had happened.
Stretching her hands high above her head, her spine clicked rhythmically into place as she did so. A refreshed feeling washed over her, not having slept this long in weeks. She felt at ease in his home and his presence, more so than she had with Ron of late, and deep down she knew where she would be better off and who she really wanted to start a life with. She knew she didn't know him all that well, but there was no denying he was a wonderful father to Lincoln and kind towards her.
"Knock, knock," Severus announced, pushing his bedroom door open carrying Lincoln on his shoulder. "He's fed and changed and ready for a cuddle off of mum, I think. He tolerates me, but I'm a poor substitute for the person he's most attached to." Placing a hand against the infant's head and neck and the other on his behind, Severus lowered the baby into Hermione's arms.
"Thank you, Severus. I've not had a full night's sleep since he was born, and I truly appreciate it." Taking her son from his father, she held him gently, placing a loving kiss on her son's forehead. She sighed sadly.
"What's up?" Severus asked sincerely, sitting down beside Hermione on the bed, their legs touching briefly.
"I don't know what to do. I must go back, I suppose. I can't impose on you. You've been so good to Lincoln and me through this, and I can't expect you to accommodate us forever."
"Hermione. Stop. Don't for one second ever assume you are imposing on me. You could never impose on me. What type of person would I be if I thought my child and his mother were a burden on me and my life? I've got this house, albeit not as fancy as what you are used to, but there is plenty of space here. Don't feel pressured into thinking if you lived here there would have to be something between us because there is no expectation there. Stay a day, stay ten years."
"Can I ask you a question?" She asked casually, changing the subject, adjusting the baby a little higher in her arms.
"Of course," his voice a low rumble filling the otherwise silent air.
"What do you want in life? Truly want in life?"
"That's a random question from left field, but I've got everything I want. A peaceful life no longer run by Voldemort and Dumbledore. I can do what I like when I want and there are no expectations. Of course, the only problem is my brain hates being idle, and it drives me crazy, so I brew potions on the side for St Mungo's. Of course, I don't need the income, Dumbledore ensured I would be taken care of financially for the rest of my life for everything I sacrificed."
"I just wanted to be happy, truly happy," she began sadly. "Start a family and grow old with the man I loved." She sighed forlornly, "and now… all of that seems as if it has come crashing down around me. I've worked so hard for everything to just crumble around me."
"You're young. You have your whole life ahead of you. So what, you made a mistake and now you can erase it from your life and start again. As the saying goes, you've got to kiss a few toads before you find your prince charming."
"It's just hard, you know? I've got some much invested in the relationship financially and emotionally."
"You can sell assets, Hermione. Money isn't the be-all to end all. So, you need to sell a house or two? Split the money with him and write him out of your life. I speak from experience when I say life is too short to be unhappy. My brush with death changed my entire perspective on life." He absentmindedly rubbed his right hand over the large scar on his throat.
Standing, she leaned down and placed her now sleeping son in the middle of the bed and began pacing the room, backward and forwards, repeatedly as she brooded.
"I hate change in my life," Hermione admitted. "I'd rather be unhappy and keep living my life than upturn my entire life for the better and I guess I'm a creature of habit, I suppose."
Severus stood up to full height, reaching his hand out towards her. He grabbed her by the upper arm and spun her gently to face him. Looking up into his black eyes, she couldn't help but feel her heart miss a beat when their eyes locked for but a fleeting moment before she tore her gaze from his own.
Softly, he placed his index finger under her chin and tilted her head up, so she was forced to look into his eyes again. Heart hammered against her chest as her stomach did backflips. She wanted to kiss him more than anything right now but refused to give in to her desires.
She didn't have to give in to her desire because he was going to take that first move for her. Leaning down, his lips touched her own with a gentleness she had never felt from anyone before. She let him take the lead. The kiss was soft yet full of want, before Severus pulled away, leaving her wanting more. Her stomach clenched tightly as her mind wandered to all the things she wanted to do with him before shaking the impure thoughts from her head.
"I shouldn't, I'm-"
"Married? I know," he whispered. Still holding her chin up by his index finger before his voice raised a few octaves with slight anger and frustration lacing his tone, "You and I both know the marriage ended the night you slept with me in a last-ditch effort to sink your claws into your husband by hoodwinking him before he walked off. And now, the only thing holding that marriage together is the legally binding piece of paper you signed on your wedding day, Hermione, and you know it. Now when you go home and are arguing with your husband once again, think back to that kiss and maybe it will help you decide what you truly want in life." His voice shook as he spoke. He'd never really cared for anyone like he cared for Hermione… Well, not recently anyway, and it frustrated him to no end that he couldn't make her see reason.
"It's not that easy, Severus." She grabbed his wrist gently and pulled it away from her face.
"We slept together, and you conceived our child and here I want to make good on this. I helped create a situation and I want to ensure I play my part and not leave you high and dry in all of this. I am offering the two of you a safe home away from your husband, and you are too stubborn to accept my offer." He snatched his hand away from her grip and threw his hands in the air in defeat.
"None of this was meant to happen," she matched his frustrated tone, pacing again. "I was bringing Lincoln around out of courtesy because you are his father thinking you would lose interest within a visit or two, and instead, you've been this amazing father that dotes on him, and I am constantly fighting a head and heart battle every time I am here. There is a small spark between us I feel might ignite into a wildfire, but I am unsure if I am ready to go down that path yet, Severus."
He flung an arm out as she passed him. Grasping her hip gently; he pulled her close to him and held her there. She looked back into his eyes and her heart again skipped a beat. Ron used to look at her like that many a year ago, the look of adoration in his eyes now replaced with that of disdain, but Severus was different. Severus had a genuine look of want mingled with desire topped off with adoration and she felt herself being pulled into his enigmatic persona and she couldn't help but lean into him and kiss him again.
The best way she could compare the two men was when she was kissing Ron, It was sepia, not exciting, it just was. But kissing Severus was like kissing in technicolour, exciting and vibrant and appealing. The small spark she said there was between them slowly grew brighter with every second their lips stayed pressed to one another. His hand dropped to the swell of her arse, and he pulled her tightly against him.
She broke the kiss, wide-eyed and breathless. "Severus," she warned sternly.
"You need to work out what you want, Hermione. You can bounce between him and I, running back to me each time you have a fight to seek counsel and refuge, but one day I won't be here for you. One day, I will wake up and decide I've had enough of being the one you run to when your world is crumbling. You can have your space now to work everything out in your head, but eventually, I am going to need an answer. I am just a man standing before a woman, offering her a decent life and eventually a lot of love. You are the only one who can choose the path you take here. I've laid out everything on the table and the ball is in your court."
She licked her lips in deep thought, staring right through him as his words weighed heavily upon her. "I need to go," she snapped. Gathering up Lincoln and their belongings, she headed down the hallway towards the front door before turning back to face Severus, who had followed hot on her heels.
"I'm sorry. I'm so confused right now, and I don't know what to do. Your offer is generous, and I appreciate it, Severus, I truly do, but I need to get my thoughts and emotions in check. I feel like I am drowning in a sea of what-ifs in my head, and I just need some time to work it out."
"What happens next time, Hermione? When you and he have a fight? What if next time he loses his temper and lays his hands on you? You better not come back here when he does that because I will kill him and make it look like an accident and you know very well I can, and I will."
She nodded once. "Noted."
"I grew up in a home full an anger, hatred and fighting and I will do anything in my power to ensure my son doesn't grow up in a home like that, Hermione," his tone serious. Black eyes bore down almost into her soul as he talked, causing her to shift uneasily on the spot.
"Please, Severus," she whispered so softly it was barely audible. "I have to go." Pulling the front door open and walked out, leaping down the small seats of stairs as if they weren't there.
Why did she get herself into these situations? She thought bitterly to herself.
Frustrated, Severus clenched his fist tight, raising his arm pulling back. He released full force into his front door. A resounding thud rang throughout the otherwise quiet street, followed by the splintering of wood. Assessing the damage of both the door and his knuckles, he let out a deep sigh. The little chit always had been stubborn, he thought angrily to himself before stepping back inside, crimson blood dripping down his stark-white fingers as he did so.
o-o-o-o
Closing her eyes tightly, she inhaled a steadying breath, palm flat on the wooden door. She pushed it open, stepping through the threshold of the home she shared with Ron, bracing herself for whatever reception she was going to be receiving.
"Hermione?" a gruff voice came from the living room.
"Ron?" she asked. "You sound terrible."
"I feel terrible," he groaned, sitting up on the lounge that had obviously been his bed that night, an empty fire whiskey bottle laying on its side on the coffee table. "I'm supposed to be at practice in-" he checked his watch, "now."
"Can we work this out, Hermione?" He asked sincerely. "I missed you terribly last night and I can't see my life without you in it," he pled. Getting to his feet, he walked the four steps between himself and Hermione. Leaning down, he kissed her softly on the lips.
There it was, the sepia kiss. No heart hammering, no butterflies, it just was. There was no spark, not anymore, anyway. And when she pulled away, his eyes were emotionless and now, she realised, she really wanted to be with Severus Snape. But deep down, she also wanted to save her marriage.
Well. Damn. She really needed to get her ducks in a row.
o-o-o-o
The first Saturday passed glacially for Severus as he waited for the knock on his front door that never came. The second Saturday he waited much like the first, but with little hope, she would show up and he was right, she didn't.
The third Saturday, he didn't even bother waiting around for her because deep down; he knew he would not be seeing her or his son soon and it spoke volumes about what her decision was. As usual, Severus finished last to the arsehole, and he wondered, truly wondered, what was wrong with him?
Sure, he may not be the best-looking person around, and he wasn't built as Michelangelo carved him from marble, but he had other redeeming qualities that would have made him a suitable mate to a woman. Perhaps Hermione was vain contrary to his beliefs and cared only for the rippling muscle beneath quidditch uniform.
Was he destined to walk the world alone, unloved and unworthy of the affection of a person to call his own? Was he to be denied the love from another that his heart truly yearned for?
Tapping at his kitchen window roused him from his thoughts. A large raven sat on the sill with the daily prophet held tightly between its beak. Opening the window, he allowed the raven passage into his home. It dropped the paper on the kitchen table and then perched itself upon the kitchen chair, looking at him with expectation.
"Of course, your payment." Rummaging through his cupboard, he produced a handful of breakfast oats and scattered them on the table for the bird, who pecked at them hungrily.
"Looks like it's just us two, Ceres," Severus sighed, defeated, gently patting the bird on the head, stroking his sleek, soft plumage.
The raven stopped eating and looked at Severus, letting out a low 'caw' as if replying.
Sitting down, Severus opened the folded paper. The front page made his heart skip a beat and bile rise in his throat. Palms sweating and hands quivering, he studied the photo front and centre with a critical eye.
Ron and Harry were front and centre of the photo, both beaming. Hermione was off to the side, holding Lincoln in her arms before Ron pulled her close and landed a kiss directly on her lips.
Well, he guessed he really had his answer. Instead of visiting him, she was obviously gallivanting across the countryside at her husband's beck and call, trying to smooth things over with him.
Well, he knew where Hermione was today as he read the article. The Quidditch World Cup. Not only had she become the person she wasn't to suit her husband, but it seemed she had entirely sold her soul to the devil.
Grasping the paper in his hands, he balled it up, not giving a second thought to the photo or the article. He tossed it across the kitchen, watching it roll a few times and coming to a stop against the doorframe. Well, that ended that chapter of his life, where there was a small sliver of happiness in his otherwise bleak and boring existence. Now, he had to ask himself, did he want his son in his life? The second question was, did he want to destroy Hermione's life in order to have a relationship with his son?
For now, he'd sleep on it.
A/N: Thank you SO MUCH for the reviews and favourites! It really motivates me to write more. I don't think this story will be too long. It was just an idea I had kicking around my head that needed to be let out. I have another story I might start soon; a Hermione/Snape/Lucius triad so keep your eyes out for that in the next few weeks.
-Aliasmel1