Chapter 6
Ana
The man has his own jet. He is way out of my league. What am I even doing, texting and flirting with him? He probably has girls throwing themselves at him every minute of every day. I take a deep breath. You like him Ana, and all signals point to him feeling the same way. There have been no red flags. He has been nothing but good and charming and handsome and funny and his eyes... This is the test. This is the risk. I need to take it. I want to take it. I just have to get over all this fear and insecurities that I have.
I enter the jet and come face to face with Christian himself. Wow, how could I forget how handsome he is. I haven't been able to see him since the BBQ party which was a week ago. He's been busy preparing everything work-wise to make time for this trip. We've been emailing and texting non-stop though. He smiles brightly at me, and I return his smile. Probably bigger than it should've been. I should really work on being more subtle with how much I like this guy. I don't want him to think i'm easy.
He holds out his hand to me, and my hand automatically clamped on to his. After giving us a tour of his jet, we all put on our seatbelts for take-off. This is gonna be a long flight. I can't imagine going to the Philippines in a cramped economy seat. Christian and I are sitting facing each other with a table in between us. Once the seatbelt sign's turned off, the flight attendant walks by to cater to our needs.
"Ahhh, this is the life." I tease Christian.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
I wake up after sleeping for a few hours. I check the time, we've been flying for 10 hours. I straighten up my chair and see Christian typing on his laptop. I look around and everyone else is still asleep.
"Sleep well?" Christian asks as he closes his laptop and sets it aside.
"Yeah, these seats are so comfortable. How about you? Did you sleep at all?" There's not a crease in his shirt. His hair's messy though like he's been running his hand through it. I wonder if it's as soft as it looks. I clench my hands before I unintentionally touch his hair.
"No, i've been finishing up some work so I can actually enjoy this trip."
"Oh no, i'm sorry if you felt pressured to come."
"No no, I wanted to come. I wanted to spend some time with you. Honestly, i've been counting the days till I would see you again." I felt a wave of relief pass through me once he said that. Since I haven't seen him all week, i've been doubting his sincerity. Hearing him say that validated my feelings that's been ruminating all week: I missed him. I've been beating myself up over missing him all week. I've been telling myself that it's ridiculous to feel that way over someone I just met. When he said that, it suddenly felt reasonable to have missed him all week.
"I missed you too." I look down shyly. I'm not very good at expressing my feelings. I think I should just ask him. This way I wouldn't have to worry so much. "I know that this seems very forward but it would really make me feel better once I knew what your intentions are." I bite my lip and look up at him. For a moment he looked shocked until he schooled his features into a poker face. After a few moments, I continue, "I mean, do you see us being in a relationship... like the romantic kind?" After another few moments, I start to get nervous. I stutter, "O-or just you know, a for fun kind of thing?"
He sighs and looks up at me. I could already read from his eyes that i'm not gonna like what he's about to say. "Ana i-i'm sorry but i'm just not the type to get attached. I'm too busy and - this is for the best, trust me."
Christian
I'm staring at Ana, and she's doing her best to avoid looking at me. She's reading a book but I couldn't care less what book it is. She's biting her lip and it's very distracting. I wanna bite that lip. God, what am I doing? I'm a no-strings-attached kind of guy and yet here I am, traveling halfway around the world for this girl i've only met a week ago. I went and saw Flynn the other day, he seems to think this is a good idea. Can I really do this? A conventional relationship? Am I really capable of love? What if I fuck this up? What if I fuck her up?! Will I be able to live with myself if I damage her in anyway? No, I can't. I don't deserve her.
Ana
We land in Palawan, Philippines late at night. We go straight to the hotel and go right to sleep.
At around 8am the following day, I get out of bed and wash up. Just before I go down to get breakfast with everybody, I look at the view. Sunny clear skies and deep blue sea. Christian really pulled through for us. I've been ignoring him since our conversation in the plane. I should have known better. I ended up looking like a fool. It's not Christian's fault though. He never said he wanted a relationship with me - I just assumed. He doesn't deserve the way i've been treating him. Two weeks. I can handle that. Just smile and act like it never happened. We're friends. That's it, and that's okay.
We're eating a traditional Filipino breakfast called tapsilog, and i'm sitting in between Kate and Christian. I was the last one to go down, and the only other seat available was beside Christian. I see Christian glance at me so I gave him a small smile to show that there's no hostility between us.
Christian
When Ana smiled at me earlier, I thought everything's gonna go back to how it was. I was wrong. Sure, she wasn't ignoring me anymore but she's stopped flirting with me. She doesn't like being left alone with me. Also, whenever I talk to her it's like she can't wait until it's over. It's just not the same, and I hate it. I miss her eye-rolling, her teasing comments, and her giggles.
I've scheduled for us to go island hopping this afternoon. It's the first time we're actually gonna get in the water. We just dismounted from the boat to explore a sand bar. I take off my shirt and go for a quick swim. Ana and most of the other girls are taking pictures. I go under and as I surface from the water, my hair covers my eyes. I run my hands through my hair to push it back and start walking out of the water. I see Ana staring at me - or more specifically at my torso. You like what you see?