haha you probably thought i was dead, BUT im not. i promise i am seeing this fanfic until the end! Also sorry for such a long wait i wanted to get this out in october for halloween but ;-;. I am going to editing several of the chapters! So don't be confused when there is sudden updates after this since i feel as if i didn't do my best in ch 6 for sure! and thank you to all the comments i saw and the mistakes pointed out.
Halloween of 1974
Severus sat in the library, as he practically lived there at this point, staring at a page of his potions textbook but wasn't able to read it. He was in a worse mood than the day before, not that he was ever in a good mood most days, he kept replaying the Transfiguration class from the day before. Not understanding what had unsettled him so deeply about McGonagall, she had looked sorely disappointed in him, but that was a look she had given him before. Had he expected her to just openly attack him and remember the future that he was trying to prevent? Run him out the castle as she had done before? Have to pick the glass from his body after smashing through a window?
His skin tingled at the memory, and he rubbed at his arms unconsciously.
He could yell in her face if he wanted to. He had wanted to, but he had frozen.
Severus had expected it, he had. The anger and hatred, the blast of her spell. The fear, no, the ache of hurt, that had shot through him as she attacked him, forcing him to flee once again. He hadn't been in danger unless you counted the Marauders trying to cause him all kinds of nuances, yet he was still expecting a battle to arise at any second. As if he had never left the Shrieking Shack in the first place as if the castle was still being destroyed behind him. The word coward slicing him open, even as he told himself that this was part of Dumbledore's task. His final act, not knowing that it would be one of his final hours as well. Though he had expected that he wouldn't survive much past the war in the first place. If he had, he would have expected a full ride to Azkaban.
He had never missed the opportunity to be as obnoxious as possible to most teachers when he was a teenager, but then again he was a nearly forty-year-old man mentally, he was a more mature man than he had ever thought he was as a teenager; though he knew his reasoning was regressed from the weeks as a teenager again. Hormones.
Controlling some of his emotions were growing a bit difficult when his temper flared because of his teenage body. Which only frustrated him greatly, wanting to hex something to pieces for the slips of control. He had fooled the Dark Lord to the very end! How hard could it be acting obnoxious to the transfiguration professor?
Those slight slips he had experienced would have no doubt been fatal had he still been a spy, which unsettled him deeply. He just shook the thoughts away with the resignation that he wouldn't allow himself to be pulled back into that position, not when Lily was back and giving him a second chance that she didn't even know she was giving him. Even if it meant he was an Apothecaries errand boy. He could drive his way up to his mastery with determination and all he knew from his previous attempt at life.
It was a selfish thought, but he couldn't help it. He had willingly thrown his life to the war before and done everything Albus had asked of him. He had killed the man, he had become headmaster and protected his students, their students, he had even died for him. He had never expected to survive past the tasks he had been given. The most he could be grateful for was that Potter was there and he could stop the staunch of blood flowing from his neck to finish his final duty.
He had no knowledge what the Potter boy had done with the information, but a tweak in his heart contradicted this; the boy ran into danger and would sacrifice his own life if it meant no one else had to be hurt. The absence of not knowing what happened to Harry or if the war had been won by the light made him ache, to not know if carrying the burden of the war on his shoulders mattered.
Being sent back by some unknown force did not help the image he was creating for after the battle if he couldn't rest in peace after finishing his final task that the Headmaster had given him then something must have gone wrong.
He scowled to himself and dipped his quill in ink, scribbling away a step from the textbook with angry strikes and scrawling in between the better instruction. His handwriting cramped and spidery as it always was, but was interrupted by a blotch accidentally finding its way off his quill. He growled at himself and quickly dried the spot before it could sink through. Trying to use a cleaning spell would make his work blur and ruin.
Severus was going to have to revise most of the textbook, which would be a good way to blow off some steam. He had spent most the night doing this and reprimanding himself for the Transfiguration classroom incident. He was currently halfway through the textbook. He didn't know how much longer the book would last as a distraction at this rate.
A pumpkin soared through the air, followed by a loud jeer from a group of boys which was a mix of red and green ties; which came as a bit of a surprise. Inter House friendships weren't prominent with the Slytherin and Gryffindor house. Especially not when the Slytherins' were teetering their way towards power shifts in the house. The Dark Lord's promises were already beginning to be whispered into the ears of any eager individual. The promise of respect and belonging was a seller to many. A place among power.
He had been one pulled towards its allure in a lifetime not so long ago.
Reminded of his sullen mood because of the Holiday he let himself enjoy the way Madam Pince chastise the group of boys.
He was never content on Halloween because it reminded him of the mistakes he had made that resulted in the Potters' deaths, even though now it had never happened and he wouldn't allow it to happen again; it didn't make the holiday any less revolting to him. He was planning to hide out the rest of the day so he could be alone.
Looking back on that he probably should have not gone to the library in the first place, though he wasn't sure if he truly wanted to be alone today. He should have hidden in his classroom as Remus was surely not going to be able to try and find him since he was most likely resting before the moon. That made him shudder as it was not a pleasant thought to think of werewolves or the transformation. He was only eager to find out if Lupin was feeling the effects of the potion correctly and wasn't in too much pain, as typical pain-relieving potions only did so much.
Xenophilius and Lily made their appearance as he pondered over these thoughts, and he didn't answer them at first as he stared vacantly at his words. Having abandoned writing when he began to think about his potion for Lupin, and if he needed more silver in the potion to combat the lycanthropy or would that cause him to fall ill.
He wouldn't risk aconite as it differed among the taker of the potion, tweaking it to more than it should be would result in catastrophic results. He wasn't looking to nearly kill Remus.
He snapped out of the dark thought when Lily nudged him on the shoulder. "You looked shell shocked, Sev," she joked, which elicited a confused look from Xenophilius who did not know too much about the muggle world.
"Spell shocked?" he questioned, getting a shake of Lily's head in response.
"No, Xeno, shell shocked."
Severus narrowed his eyes at the comment, he was thinking! He wasn't some bloke coming back from battle after seeing someone get blown to bits, not recently. He had seen it plenty with the Dark Lord, but that had never occurred in this timeline.
"Don't know what you mean," he said indignantly, unable to think of a quick comeback without being rude. He did not want to deal with a temperamental Lily, the glares would be difficult to handle today. She could spike to life within seconds of a sarcastic answer, and most times she told him off in a calm manner which only irritated Severus more.
"Just a joke," she assured, giggling, "want to come with me and Xeno to feed the thestrals?"
"You can see them?" he questioned, bottling his ink and putting his things away. He wasn't likely to get out of hanging out with her when she insisted, she was already springing her trap with her small delicate smile and sweet words. He had nearly forgotten how sly she could be when she wanted something.
"Oh, no," Lily blushed, caught off guard, "but I would still like to feed them, yeah?"
Xenophilius smiled, "Hagrid is wonderful but he does need some help from time to time, I do love feeding the creatures, especially the Blibbering Humdingers. They like to hear stories, they'll stay if you promise one."
Severus did not respond to that, rolling his eyes, not even sure how to respond without being harsh and mean. The Ravenclaw most likely got enough chastising comments from his housemates, he didn't need to add to it if he didn't need to. Instead, he commented, "are we feeding the whole forest then? I do not wish to spend my day doing Hagrid's bidding."
"Oh! No, just the thestrals. Wouldn't want the forest angry by our intrusion, now, would we?" he replied dreamily.
Lily paid no attention to him and instead dug into her bag and pulled out an elastic which made Severus dread her next words. "Sev," she started, pursing her lips in a slight pout, "can I put your hair up again? Please!"
Severus turned his head, ignoring her as he used a spell on the ink of his book page to dry it and then shoved it into his bag. He spotted his worn Slytherin scarf, the one his mother had given him and he carefully pulled it out and wrapped it around his neck. If he was going to be dragged out of the library to Hagrid's hut he might as well not have Lily on his tail about getting hypothermia. He said nothing when he could practically hear her pout as she began to prod his shoulder, trying to get him to pay attention to her. He turned agonizingly slow towards her, raising his eyebrow.
"Why don't you have Mary accompany you?" he asked, his teasing hidden well under the monotone voice. Lily only gave him a glare seeing the undertones, disliking it.
"She is with Reginald Cattermole," Xenophilius supplied, unbothered, "a date of some sort, perhaps?"
"Perhaps?" he snorted to himself. "What about your other Gryffindor friends?"
"I told them I wanted to spend the day with you."
Severus said nothing but was smirking smugly. Blowing off her other friends to spend time with him and the odd group they had collected since the beginning of the year gave him a pleasant feeling.
"Sev…"
"Hmm?"
"Please! I'll braid it instead!" she begged, making it harder to say no to her. He could see she clearly knew what she was doing, and had no single remorse of her manipulative behaviour, not when she could have freedom with his hair.
"Why do you feel it necessary to play with my hair?" he questioned, exasperated. He didn't need her coming around every day and bothering him until she could put his hair up. It would grow redundant, even if it was her. If Xenophilius thought he could try and do it he would get hexed to hell.
Lily flushed, giving his shoulder a slight smack. Which caused him to scowl at her. "Sev, I think you look nice when your hair is up," she countered, not answering his question. Instead, she went behind him and plucked his hair into her fingers, which were graceful in their movement as she began to braid his hair without consent. Fast and acrobatic as they were practised in the art, her hair a canvas.
Severus only relented because he couldn't quite describe the feeling of her fingers in his hair, and he wouldn't admit that it was an enjoyable one which made his ears burn. She tugged a bit as she wrapped the elastic securely at the end of his braid. He wanted to flush and snap at her for it, but he couldn't find the will.
Xenophilius grinned at the sight. "Such a new man, Severus," he mused lightly, watching Lily smile in triumph.
Severus just sniffed irritably and slung his bag over his shoulder, standing up. He would take the braid out as soon as Lily was distracted. He wouldn't allow himself to be manipulated by her manipulative syrupy begging any longer, even if it did make a warm feeling spawn in his chest.
The two dragged him out of the library and through the halls towards the grounds, passing pumpkins which floated down the hallway and carelessly bumped into students. A few of the suit of armours offered pieces of sweets and tipped their armoured heads in greeting, obviously bewitched by a few charms.
The whole castle was too festive for Severus' likings and he expressed this very clearly to his two friends, who only chuckled and teased him instead of agreeing with him. They didn't know the underlying disdain he had for this holiday, and he would never give them the reasoning behind his malice.
Even if he wanted to confess his sins and ask for forgiveness from the people he had wronged, though they all had no knowledge or hard grudges for something that had never happened to them in this lifetime. He would not utter a word that would put them in danger, the war was looming on them and he would not allow himself to add any dangers to their plates.
"Honestly, you cannot think that the pumpkins aren't hazardous," he argued, spotting Regulus and Urbek adorned in quidditch gear and mud on their pants and shoes, rushing down the hallway, or at least the latter was pulling the former along. Urbek towered over many of the students, his long and lanky body noticeable in the crowd who seemed a good few inches below him, he practically fit in with the fifth or sixth-year boys, something that Severus had never really been able to do. He was a shorter man than most due to the lack of his upbringing. Regulus was following after Urbek trying to sport his usual pompous look, but failing miserably while being shadowed by his large, gangly friend. They and the pumpkins were the perfect equations for a disaster waiting to happen. The two caught sight of the three of them and their direction changed.
Severus cringed when they practically ploughed through a couple of first years, who was glaring at the back of their heads after nearly being trampled, only to be bombarded by a floating pumpkin. They stopped, both bouncing excitedly. Most likely the adrenaline running through their system after playing Quidditch.
"Hey!" Regulus breathed out in a pant.
Severus pulled his wand and spelled away the mud all over the two Slytherins with distaste written on his face. They could not be bothered to try and find a charm to keep the mud off, could they? He would have taken points away from them as a professor, not even his Slytherins were safe when they made messes like this. "If you'd be so kind as to not drag mud throughout the halls and flatten first years into pancakes."
Urbek started to giggle in response, knocking Regulus against his shoulder. "Thanks," he said motioning to the now clean quidditch uniform, which was going to be soiled again soon enough.
Severus didn't acknowledge the boy's words, but was unable to say anything when Xenophilius began to laugh and squeal in delight, exclaiming, "you've knocked all the pumpkins into a frenzy!"
Regulus glanced back with a sheepish look, but straightened his posture and puffed out his shoulders. "I do not know what you mean," he stated, playing ignorance, which made Urbek shake his head in disbelief.
"Such deceiving words, Regulus," Lily tutted, eyes twinkling with mirth, but said nothing else on the matter, and instead asked, "would you like to accompany us to feed the thestrals?"
"We can't, but thank you for the offer," he rejected softly, eyebrows scrunching as he gave a thought over the day he had planned and what she said. "We still have quidditch practice. Urb wanted to get his brother, Raoul before it continued," he decided to say, his tone even and flat.
"He said he would watch," Urbek interjected with a cheery smile.
"Stealing things for the Hufflepuff team," she joked lightly, giving a teasing grin.
Urbek just barked with laughter, "if only he was that adventurous, he's a bit of a swot."
"Aw, just like Sev," Lily cooed and jabbed the mentioned boy in the side with her elbow. Severus gave her an irritated glare, but she remained unaffected.
Regulus had to stifle a chuckle from leaving his mouth at the comment when the glare was directed at him. He cleared his throat and slapped Urbek on the back. "I think we best be leaving now before practice starts up again without us," he dismissed casually before hurriedly pulling Urbek down the hall towards the dungeons that held both the Hufflepuff and Slytherin common rooms. It seemed Regulus was trying to get out of the conversation as fast as he could, most likely for a multitude of reasons. Severus dismissed those thoughts, preferring not to get more irritated than he always was.
"We should hurry!" shouted Xenophilius sprinting down the hallway straight into a crowd of floating pumpkins that had accumulated. They exploded outwards, several other students screaming and fleeing away from the chaos.
Severus could only sigh, knowing this was going to be a longer day than he anticipated.
Meeting Hagrid outside was not an unfamiliar experience for him as he had been friends with the half-giant for nearly a decade before Potter had come to Hogwarts, even visiting the man when he was in his Hogwarts years. It was a place to escape to when the Marauders were especially irksome. When Lily left he was the only sort of solace until he had found the man getting on friendly with James Potter, Lily hanging off the Gryffindor's arm. It had been a petty decision, but he hadn't seen the man until he was appointed Potions Master.
He couldn't be so sure after that, as respect between them dwindled. He could blame Hagrid, as it was most likely due to the lack of niceties between him and the Potter Boy. He hadn't looked the man in the eyes for over a year, unable to when disappointment and betrayal were written across his features at any given time.
He had fled from the castle after nearly being arrested for hosting a Support Harry Potter party, the only reason he had escaped was because of a silvery doe prancing through his hut, still looking as smouldered from the wounds it had received from Bellatrix's madness the night the Headmaster had died. Never saying a word as it ran towards the woods, similarly aiding another in the Forest of Dean, Hagrid caught its intent when he saw the Carrows approaching his home. Snape hid from view, his wand clutched tightly in his hands. It had been risky of him to do as he had done that day, but he had risked it nonetheless. It had been an apology of sorts to the half-giant.
I apologise for betraying your trust, but it must be this way.
An apology that would never be acknowledged or heard, something he would have to die with. Something he had died with. He sighed wearily, rubbing at his eyes as they approached the hut. Severus let his surprise at seeing the perfect condition it was in, though it wasn't at all shown behind his irritated expression. He didn't want to hide all his emotions today, hoping maybe that he could find a way to enjoy the time he was spending with Xenophilius and Lily, but his guilt was prodding at him. As if he shouldn't be allowed to be near her, but he was the only one condemning himself. Even if it felt justified.
He couldn't dwell much on his thoughts when Hagrid's booming voice cut across the yard, directed towards Xenophilius, "ah! There yer are! Didn' know if yer was comin' or not!"
The blond beamed up at the large man, who's small beady eyes grew large at seeing Lily and Severus trailing behind. "Yer brought friends?"
"Hello!" Lily smiled, greeting the half-giant. The two had exchanged pleasantries before, but she hadn't been making tea trips to the man's hut as Severus had quite a few times towards the end of his fourth year. He had made a few tea trips before when he was a first and second year scouring for any information he could about his mother and her family. Obsessed with the wizarding lineage that had cut his mother away because she was deemed unworthy of their approval and affection. Hagrid had told him that he and Eileen had been a sort of friends until he had been expelled and even exchanged letters. He hadn't learned of the expulsion until he was appointed Potions Master, but to young Severus just knowing someone who had befriended his mother had excited him.
"Ah, 'ello, Lily! Didn' expect to find you out 'ere!" He greeted, hobbling forward and clasped Xenophilius on the back gently which for the latter made him nearly topple over. Hagrid turned towards Severus, a small smile on his face. "How's yer mum been, Sev'rus?"
Severus blanched for a moment, not expecting the question as the two hadn't been on speaking terms for quite some time but he knew he should not have expected that now.
"Better," he said noncommittally, quickly regaining his composure, "I'm sure she would allow me to tell you hello for her."
"Aw, that's real nice of 'er," Hagrid beaming to himself, "Xeno bringin' you to feed the thestrals?"
Lily nodded, and they were caught in a long explanation of what meat the winged creatures enjoyed. Xenophilius began to supply the names of each Thestral and their personalities, which was unnecessary in Severus' opinion. He knew most the thestrals, and during his time as a professor when he had visited Hagrid to go and collect potions ingredients, the thestrals never failed to greet him.
Severus felt bored to death until they were interrupted by two students making their way towards them, the two were side by side, which could easily conclude they were friends or at least familiar with each other. Both were Hufflepuff, he could make out their scarfs which they wore around their necks. It reminded him of the chilling season and the inadequacy of his scarf, but he couldn't care less whether he was warm or not. Not on this day. His inadequate robing was just fine, and if he was going to start freezing he could easily cast a heating charm on himself, even if it would make him feel stuffy. It had been what he primarily used during his school years when he barely had any sort of jacket to keep himself warm. The one he had was still overly large and growing threadbare, as it had been his fathers and been passed down to him when he was about seven. Something he wasn't very willing to wear where others could see him, or quite make himself get rid of.
The thought of his clothing made him remember the galleons he had earned himself, itching to be used. He would have to utilize the next Hogsmeade trip...
Hagrid beamed when he noticed them approaching and waved the two over. "Good of ye to join us!" he said when they were within earshot "we've got a whole heap of ye, the thestrals'll be so pleased!"
Severus snorted derisively until he got a closer look at the blonde Hufflepuff and realised that he had nearly mistaken her for Luna Lovegood, which could only mean one thing. If Xenophilius casting her dreamy looks, while still managing to look off into space at the same time, was anything to go off of then this must be the girl's mother.
He couldn't quite recall her name…
"This is Pandora," Xenophilius cut off his thoughts and wedged in between Severus and Lily, his grin widening, "Pandora Fawley, and this is-"
"Lan-Jy," the darker haired girl next to Pandora offered, Lily having dug her elbow into Xenophilius' side to let the two introduce themselves. She smiled gratefully at the Gryffindor before continuing, "Lan-Jy Fawley."
Lan-Jy looked nothing like the blonde standing next to her, and no one would dare assume they were related at first glance.
Pandora smiled when both Lily and Severus raised their eyebrows at this discovery, not sure how the two resembled family at all. She slung an arm around Lan-Jy's shoulder, dragging the dark-haired girl more towards her height as she was a few inches shorter. While Pandora was small and quite willowy looking Lang-Jy had the upper hand with a taller and more plump heavy-set build.
"She's my cousin," she said with a matter of fact tone, which wasn't the voice that her daughter had possessed, another thing acquired from her father. Letting go and giving more of her attention to Xenphilius, who was pleading for it from where he was still wedged between the Gryffindor and Slytherin. She smiled, distractedly replying, "though, I would love to look like her..."
Lan-Jy snorted, in a sort of apprehensive way which snapped Severus into focus making him realise he had been staring at her. She seemed to notice it as well, and a small tinge of blush spread across her face.
He looked away uncomfortably, knowing that his ears were starting to burn, but could pass them off as cold when a gust of wind swept past them. He cursed the braid that Lily had put in his hair, and wondered if he could take it out now without the Gryffindor throwing a tantrum. Hagrid ushered the small group towards the forest, after having them grab a bucket of small dead vermin each. Lily had been a bit squeamish seeing them, which Severus promptly offered to carry her bucket, but she had refused. She had swallowed her courage and taken the bucket, carrying it with the best of her abilities.
Though they made it towards the areas where the thestrals stood, contentedly wading through the grass. The two young thestrals prancing and jumping around each other, a small breeding season for most creatures but to them it was bountiful. They were sparse typically in that sense, and he could remember each time a thestral was brought into this world when Hagrid always came to tell him the news first. As he had been a regular visitor to the beasts, who very much liked him as did an array of different species of animals. Though he didn't reckon much why as he didn't incline to try and seek out animals as companions, they usually found him.
Lily managed to take the lead, a few steps ahead of Hagrid as she walked forward into the field, oblivious to the juvenile thestrals running back and forth in front of her. Hagrid kept a close eye on her as well as the other thestrals. Xenophilius swung his bucket side by side in glee as he watched the creatures, unable to hold in a laugh when Lily's bucket tumbled from her hand when one bumped into it. She let out a small squeal of surprise, spinning around and giving the blond a small glare. Oblivious to the two thestrals digging into the vermin in her bucket.
"Did you knock that out of my hands, Xeno?!"
Hagrid's laughter boomed throughout the field, catching several of the adult thestrals' attention. A few approached and others stood staring warily watching the group. "No," he explained when he caught his breath, "yer was nearly knocked over by a few youngins, who're feastin' real good on yer vermin."
She spun back around just as fast as before and watched in fascination as a dead squirrel was tugged around in the air in an invisible game of tug o' war. Though it was seen very clearly by several of the group members. Xenophilius managed to pull Pandora with him, she glanced around in a questioning manner while he pointed to several spots where the creatures were. They made their way over to Hagrid, to ensure none of the thestrals thought to try and scare them out of the field.
Severus wearily put down his bucket, watching Lily and Hagrid converse and try and play with the young thestrals with some amusement. She was trying her best despite not being able to see them.
Someone cleared their throat, and he turned to see Lan-Jy standing awkwardly near him. He took notice of the camera, which was pretty well hidden in her scarf. Though he wasn't sure how he had not taken note of it before, as it was quite bulky. He berated himself when he realised that he had been too busy staring at her face to truly take a complete log of everything. It made him think of the Creevey boy, who had never parted with his camera for as long as he had been at Hogwarts. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she gave him a confused look before realising what she had just done.
"Sorry, somethin' caught in my throat," she explained, setting down her bucket and flexing her hands.
Severus just nodded and turned back to staring at the rest of the group, all happily interacting with a few thestrals. He had expected to stand there and stay silent the rest of the outing but Lan-Jy seemed to have a different plan.
"Snape, right?"
"Indeed."
"Well," she trailed off as if unsure of where to take the conversation. Her nervousness was not unfounded as Severus had not given a welcoming invitation to converse with him. He raised an eyebrow at her, which seemed to prompt her to say, "can you see them?- the thestrals I mean."
"Yes."
"I can too, they'd probably frighten Pandora if she could see them," she replied conversationally, trapping him in with her unwillingness to give up talking to him. "She is more interested in books than human interactions, though Xenophilius piqued her curiosity."
He sighed inaudibly, though silently agreed with Pandora in the aspect that books were better company than real people. He turned more towards her, saying, "Why do you feel the need to talk to everyone you meet?"
Lan-Jy snorted at this, smiling at him. The opposite reaction from what he expected and wanted, which caused a flare of irritation, making him snap out, "I'm surprised you're not frightened considering your lot is scared of anything even slightly off-putting."
She dared to let out a laugh at his words and dragged her bucket closer towards him as she stepped closer. "You're quite rude, you know that?"
"Hmph…" Severus ignored her, turning and watching as a thestral began to edge its way towards them. When it was closer he carefully picked up one of the small vermin in the bucket and tossed it towards it. The creature caught it with ease, making content squeals at his offering. He recognised the thestral easily from the sound, realising that it was Tenebrus. He was one of Hagrid's favourites.
The allure of food seemed to be some sort of invitation and several others began to get closer.
He let a slight curve of his lips, remembering the potion ingredient gathering trips he had taken and the thestrals that had always been ready to greet him. He knew several of them already, and he wasn't sure if they could sense the difference in him compared to others. Dying and living to tell the tale was not a very common thing, at least for the average person. Harry and the Dark Lord were not the most average individuals. Though he conceded him and Lupin were not far of that scale themselves.
Tenebrus stopped near him, staring as if he sensed something different about him. He stared right back, uncomfortable, but managed to throw him another vermin to try and distract him. Though the offering was ignored, and Tenebrus stepped forward. Too close for comfort. He snorted a bit after a long minute as if the assessment was over and he dropped his head into Severus' bucket.
Severus let out the breath that had caught in his throat and took a step back to give the thestral some distance. He heard a distinct click and flash, which made him spin and look at Lan-Jy. She gave him a slightly sheepish look and wiggled the photo in the air when it popped out of the camera.
"Sorry," she said, unapologetic, "it was a good shot. I came out here to get a few thestral pictures."
"And you had absolutely no permission to take a photo of me," he scowled at her, refraining from snapping at her, snatching the photo from her hand without hesitation and looking at the image.
He gave Tenebrus some distance, not wanting the creature to decide that his bad mood was threatening. The photo took a few seconds for it to materialize completely, but when it did it showed him and Tenebrus staring at each other. Then the thestral bent his head down into the bucket and Severus took a step back.
"If thestrals are what you wanted to capture you do not have the capability to take one -"
Lily's distinct chirp of happiness cut off his insult, the photo taken from his hands by her delicate fingers as she laughed. He tried to grab it back but she managed to slip around him as if she were liquid. He let out an angered huff, but she continued to admire the photo with a gleam in her eye. "Are you looking at thestrals, Sev? Can I keep this?" she asked distractedly, looking up at the two of them.
He thought about summoning the picture with an accio and burning it in front of everyone, but he found he couldn't do it. He had ruined so many things for her, and so he compromised in his mind that he would allow himself to ask for it back nicely.
"Lily, may I have that photo back?" he asked, keeping his voice level.
Lily pouted at him, though relented and held it out to him. He quickly grabbed it and shoved it into his bag, a scowl making its way back onto his face.
"Let's all take a picture together!" The Gryffindor suggested a cunning way to get what she wanted, which Severus recognised immediately and he wondered if she spent too much time with him. Forgetting her sulking for the moment she looked at the Hufflepuff expectantly for an answer.
Severus scowled even deeper at the thought of having to pose for a picture willingly, the last photo he had willingly done was one with Minerva after the Gryffindors won the House Cup during Potter's first year of Hogwarts. He had been shoved into the usual red jumper, scowling at the camera and wishing for a repeat of last year's photo where Minerva had been forced to wear green. The thought made his heart twinge, knowing that this common rivalry and friendship would have a low chance of ever prospering again. It had been burned into ash after Dumbledore's death, and even if he had survived Nagini's attack he most likely would have been unable to salvage the friendship.
Lan-Jy grinned at the idea, though she eyed Severus out of the corner of her eye with some nervousness. "Yes," she started when he said and did nothing to strangle her for the photo she had taken. She lifted her camera in the air to get everyone's attention to bring them all together for the photo.
Once the photograph was offered some chaos ensued as they all agreed, except Severus, and began to organize themselves altogether.
It took nearly ten minutes of everyone moving positions, Hagrid throwing the last of the vermin in one area to get the thestrals to graze in the background of the photo. Severus standing off to the side and refusing to join in until Lily had physically dragged him into the group, where he was promptly squished between her, Hagrid and Xenophilius. Lan-Jy charmed her camera up into the air, accommodating Hagrid's large size and scurrying to pose with them. She got in front of the group, bending down to not obscure anyone behind her with Pandora joining her on her right.
"Alright, on the count of three!" she squeaked, "one! Two! Three!"
The camera flashed and Severus pushed himself out of the group, uncomfortable with how close he was to everyone. He would have to tell Lily off as soon as possible for it, but he wasn't feeling in the right mood to do it. It would have to be postponed another day.
He watched distastefully as Lan-Jy excitedly ran over to her camera and pulled out the photo and shook it. When she deemed it good enough she duplicated it with a muttered charm and hurried back over to everyone else. She handed one to Hagrid, who beamed and sniffled in appreciation. Lily squealed, Xenophilius thanked her with a handshake, and Pandora just stared at the photo with some admiration.
This was when the Hufflepuff realised that Severus was not near them, and she turned and stared at him curiously for a few seconds before she carefully approached. "Here," she offered out his photo, and he accepted it with a nod. Not particularly keen on having it.
He stared at it, his features softening when he took it in. Lan-Jy dived into the frame, and she and Pandora got into their positions. Everyone's smile jumped out as she counted down silently, everyone relaxed from their pose and Xenophilius laughed and waved at the camera. The photo was...normal. It could be mistaken as just a normal group of witches and wizards. Even mistake it as a happy group of friends, except Severus. He, stuck in the middle of everyone smiling, had a soft expressionless face, forever the one that didn't belong. He cringed a bit when his face twitched in the photo as if he were trying to smile but couldn't bring himself to.
"You know, you don't smile all that often," Lan-Jy observed, without derision though it didn't lack curiosity. An underlying question to her statement.
"I'd rather not get crows feet," he deadpanned, tugging his journal out of his bag and gently sliding the photo inside it before returning it. It certainly wasn't the fact that his smile didn't fit on his face or that it was the worst day of the year.
He said nothing as he waited for her answer, but she said nothing. He looked at her quizzingly and could see the emotions swirling in her eyes. He rolled his own eyes, and turned and walked towards Lily and the others. He turned at the last second, having expected her to follow him but she still stood there. A peculiar expression on her face, a few dashes of determination, curiosity, and disbelief.
He promptly ignored it, though he was sure that look would mould into some sort of irritation for him.
The Halloween feast was another annoyance added onto the pile of things that sat on Severus' shoulder, but he knew being alone wouldn't help him today. It would most likely have made everything worse, but to top it off was a strange suggestion made by Xenophilius. They had just stepped into the Great Hall for the feast, having spent most of the evening in Hagrid's hut with rock cakes, when the blond had spoken up. They'd left with each other when Pandora and Lan-Jy had caught up with them, Severus was unamused at the fact that he had to entertain the notion of spending more time with the ridiculous Hufflepuff. He had already spent enough time near Lan-Jy, he didn't want to tolerate her presence any more than he already had.
"Sit at the end of the Ravenclaw table with me?" he asked, "I usually get a five feet radius from other Ravenclaws! We'll definitely have enough seats."
Severus stopped in his tracks, where he had subtly started to make his way towards the Slytherin table to sulk in the farthest corner and stay away from the more unsavoury company. No one said anything for a few moments, all staring at Xenophilius in shock.
He gave a crumpled smile as if everyone had already rejected his offer and was willing to abandon as if they hadn't just spent most of the day with him. How many people have done that to him before?
Severus rolled his eyes pretending as if the information he had just learned about the Ravenclaw didn't affect him and asked, "which end are we occupying?"
House tables be damned, he was going to sit with the Ravenclaw whether he would be chastised for it or not. Everyone else murmured in agreement, following Snape's lead in being nonchalant at the situation, which caused Xenophilius' smile to broaden into a true grin and he led them to the mostly unoccupied end of the Ravenclaw table.
Sitting, Severus looked disdainfully at the abundance of sweets already piled on the table, the Great Hall wasn't even filled with all the students yet. He had always despised this part of Halloween even in his first year, nearly everything was excessively sugary. He had a sweet tooth, he admitted to that, but these treats just didn't hit his fancy. He settled on a slice of pumpkin pie and candied fruit, knowing if he ate anything else sugary his stomach would give him hell for it.
He listened to the chatter around them, which fairly consisted of some confusion from the other Ravenclaw's as to why they suddenly had other house sitting at their table, Xenophilius polishing off a tale about the Crumple-Horned Snorkack which Pandora was promptly taking notes on a piece of parchment. Lan-Jy, thankfully not sitting near him, leaning on her cousin and watching her take notes with fascination.
Lily was delighting herself in about as many desserts could be piled on her plate, looking giddy at the prospect of eating it all. He grimaced slightly at it and turned away as she stuffed a huge spoonful in her mouth. She ate like she had been starved, though he was sure she had stuffed herself at Breakfast. Reminded him of the Weasley boy, which was slightly disturbing thought to him.
The effect of their action wasn't apparent at first until Urbek slid in the next available seat, which was next to Xenophilius. It wasn't even a minute later when a reluctant Regulus stole the seat next to Severus. When he noticed Severus staring at him he straightened up to feign calm, though it was easy to see some of his nervousness still on his face. He had a pretty well put up shields behind his eyes, which didn't surprise Severus that much. A pureblooded family would take advantage of older and complex magic such as Occlumency.
"What if this gets us in trouble?" he asked softly to Urbek, who was across the table and munching on some sort of liquorice.
"Come off it," he dismissed back, "and leave our friends to have all the fun themselves?"
"Friends..hmph," Regulus muttered, barely audible.
Severus swiftly ignored this to look around the Great Hall and he noticed a few stray Gryffindors now in the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables, a few daring Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were mixed into the Slytherin table on one end. He glanced around a few more times wondering how quickly people had broken rules to sit with their friends, had it only taken one person doing so to do it? It nearly made him smack his head against the table, why had they never mingled throughout the other house tables before? It could have improved so many inter-house friendships. Though he was sure that there would always be some sort of rivalry between Gryffindors and Slytherins, the feud just never seemed to end.
If only Lupin was here to see it, he would never shut up about it. Saying that they've been so blind this whole time, even though it wasn't that simple in the first place. The houses had such intersecting beliefs, which separated so many students from each other.
He moved his attention to Xenophilius, who was still in a deep discussion about some other creature now. He casually turned his eyes towards the staff table, where several of the teachers were watching with interest at the scene in front of them. Severus scanned their reactions from the corner of his eye but stopped when Dumbledore's quizzing stare bore into the side of his head. He took a bit of his pie, pretending to savour the taste. His choice in sitting with Xenophilius and the others wasn't what Dumbledore found normal though he had been acclimating himself with different types of people since the beginning of the year. It had to have been when Dumbledore couldn't break through his occlumency shields, which was something that Severus couldn't afford to let the Headmaster through.
The hair on the back of his neck prickled when he realised that he had been underplaying the Headmaster's suspicion, and he truly didn't know how much the old man was suspecting. He had been too angry the night they had interacted and focused on not letting Lupin give them away. He needed to give Lupin occlumency lessons or they wouldn't last long in any situation near master Legillimins, such as Dumbledore or the Dark Lord.
"Sev!"
Severus snapped his head towards Lily, focusing back on the world around him. He hadn't swallowed the bite he had taken yet, so the texture of pumpkin grated against the side of his mouth leaving an odd taste. He grabbed his goblet and took a swig, but the pumpkin juice didn't help in the slightest. It was just an overwhelming amount of pumpkin taste.
Lily chuckled from beside him, "did I scare you?"
"No."
"I did! Admit it."
"You're sorely mistaken."
"Pfft, you sound so posh. Where did my Severus go?"
It was an odd feeling hearing her say that, and he stared at her in silence for a moment before scoffing and took a bite of one of the candied fruit. It didn't help get rid of the strong pumpkin aftertaste and only made him grimace slightly.
"Ignoring me now?" she asked, "I thought you always had to have the last word."
"No," he gave her a slight glare, though his lips twitched, "I was taught proper speech, Lily. There is nothing to apologise for."
"Don't be so uptight," Lily chimed, twirling her spoon before she took another bite, "did you enjoy feeding the thestrals?"
"I wouldn't say it was my definition of fun."
"Oh, of course," she complained through a full mouth, "potions and studying for twelve hours is your sense of fun."
Severus bristled with annoyance at first and was readying an insult, but forced himself to relax. Lily wouldn't just insult him, she was joking around. He snorted slightly, turning away and forcing himself to take a bite of the pie, though he was tempted to just be done eating completely.
"Well, I saw you talking to Lan-Jy…"
"Do not insinuate anything," he warned.
"But, Sev, you and her looked so cute!"
"No."
"But Sev!" she whined dramatically, and he gave her a slight glare, he didn't know what he would do if she got the idea that he and Lan-Jy had been flirting. The Hufflepuff was maddening in every way, and he would prefer to not interact with her again if he didn't have to. Though, he wasn't sure if that would be possible when he was maintaining a friendship between him and Xenophilius.
The Ravenclaw was following Pandora round like a lost puppy, and she was enjoying every minute of it. She was getting whatever intellectual stimulation she was looking for, though meeting Luna Lovegood he was sure she fell for the quirky blond in the end. He wasn't interested in changing anyone's love life to give himself a little bit of peace.
"You're so stubborn," Lily complained, "come on, lighten up today! It's Halloween!"
That darkened Severus' mood almost immediately, and he scowled at her. He didn't deserve to enjoy the evening, and she just reminded him wholly of that fact.
"Aw, c'mon I wasn't being that serious," she soothed, seeing the look on his face. She set her hand on his arm, and he flinched slightly at the contact. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, you're too good of a friend."
"Whatever else are friends for?"
Severus separated from the group after the feast. He had managed to split away from Urbek and Regulus, watching as they stepped down the stairs towards the dungeons. Not yet ready to make the journey downwards and towards the only place, he knew he could be alone without disruption, the warded classroom. Regulus had had a bit of an attitude which Severus did not want to deal with.
Maybe the mutt had bothered Regulus? It wasn't unlike him to go and bother someone he didn't like, but then again he was unaware of the relationship the Black brothers had.
He puffed out a breath through his mouth, stopping in his tracks when he heard soft footsteps. He glanced to the side and saw someone walking down the corridor, but didn't look long enough to truly identify them. Though he had a fairly good idea who it could be, and the hair on the back of his neck prickled. His Occlumency shields strengthened without a second thought, and began to walk casually down the steps but didn't get very far when he heard a voice call out.
"Mr. Snape! How lovely to run into you on this peaceful night."
He had to act as normal as possible, though the dungeons were a closing space he knew well and could easily lose someone in them. He could pretend to not have heard the man and try to lose him in the winding corridors. Though he wasn't sure that was true or possible when it was the Headmaster.
Severus turned, setting his hand on the railing as he stared at Dumbledore. "If this is your definition of peaceful, I suppose so."
"Did you know that the largest pumpkin in the world was two thousand five hundred and twenty-eight pounds and that it was grown by a Hufflepuff? Can you imagine if we had pumpkins that big in the castle!"
Severus could tell he was attempting at making light conversation but his anxiousness was not lessened. "And Chauncy Oldridge was the first victim of Dragon Pox. I am privy to this information from you because…?"
Dumbledore stared at him, his usual twinkling eye darkened, a slight suspicion behind those half-moon glasses. Severus felt like he was staring right through him yet seeing none of him. Wanting to escape the strange conversation, he raised an eyebrow in a questioning manner.
"Funny how a man can be remembered for his death."
"Or causing another's," Severus stated, "or saving another's. You can be remembered for the biggest mistake or the smallest victory, is that what you've come to tell me about?"
"I assure you, Mr. Snape, I just wished to merely have a small conversation with you."
Right.
Severus' gave him a squinted look, not at all hiding the distrust he had in that statement, which caused Albus to sigh softly.
"I was merely curious as to your actions today," he explained, knowing he had been caught, "it was very remarkable."
"Sentencing me to detention then?" Severus retorted, then realised how disrespectful and out of line he was being and backtracked a bit with a slight bow of his head. He was not the headmaster's equal anymore, not that he truly had been in the first place.
Dumbledore didn't seem at all phased by it and instead gave him a wispy smile. "No, my boy," he started in explanation, "I thought you going against the grain was very refreshing, I was so sure you kept to your own house besides Ms. Evans."
He nearly flinched at the nickname, the sound of it rubbing against him wrong and he wanted to scrub the feeling away, but held his demeanour. "Well, I might be full of surprises, Headmaster."
"Everyone is, Mr. Snape," Dumbledore hummed pleasantly, "but it's what those surprises entail that matter the most, don't you agree?"
Severus' blood ran cold, and he managed a curt nod in response. He couldn't bring himself to respond and knew that the Headmaster had done it on purpose, obviously gauging his reaction. Two could play that game, couldn't they?
"Well, I should be off," the headmaster excused himself from the conversation, seemingly content with how the whole exchange had played out, "have a good Halloween, Mr. Snape."
He parted with that, and headed down the hall, leaving Severus to watch him as he rounded the corner and out of sight.
The gall of that man, Snape thought with a little too much acidity. He turned and quickly made his way down into the depths of the dungeons, the cool and damp walls giving him a small sense of comfort that made him unnerved. His fingers scraped lightly on the surface as he turned the corner, spotting the door to the classroom he and Remus had been occupying. This was familiar, and some days he could pretend nothing had changed. That it was a quiet night as a teacher, and he was still dreading the day that Harry Potter would step foot inside of Hogwarts.
Stepping inside the classroom and surveyed his surroundings, his hand slid across the teacher's desk and he sat idly in the chair behind it. He closed his eyes and imagined his NEWTS class silently working on their projects for the semester. Students destined to move far in life, farther than he would ever be allowed to go and he relished the feeling of being able to push them towards their full potential.
Hogwarts was a place full of so many memories; some diluted in filth that he could barely touch it without recoiling in disgust and agony, but some were filled with warmth. The kind that made you want to relive them every time they passed through his thoughts, but there were so few. This denied him the simplicity of hatred.
Hogwarts continued with or without him, continued to age and give joy and hardships to each generation of witches and wizards. Though to Severus, he was stuck to these walls and it tainted every corner of him. He had lived most of his life inside them and never would be able to escape the memories, yet the castle was indifferent. Everybody was indifferent, they would hopefully never have to endure the horrors that had unfolded. Only he had to live with these memories...
No, there were two that had to live with them. Live with these memories of the forthcoming future, one they were trying so desperately to change and grasp in their outstretched palms.
The future was a flimsy thing though, and all they could do today was live at the moment. Which reminded Severus of something he had to do.
Remus was due his next potion.
Read and review kindly! Hopefully I'll be able to update soon. Next chapter will be in Remus' POV