ZADR Orange Chapter 166

Warnings: Extreme OOCness

Rating: M for later chapters

Disclaimer: We do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. We do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Zim: Notgonnadie

Dib: Me

Enjoy. =3

Blushing a bit at Zim's words, Dib looked away to his lap and began fiddling with his fingers idly beneath the covers, his antennae drooping down low again and resting against his shoulders. "I-I wouldn't have...I couldn't...E-Even if I had wanted to just to end it, it wouldn't have happened...It hurt too much...I probably made it worse because of that, but I couldn't do that knowing you were being forced to watch...You're the only one I want..." he said in a voice just barely above a whisper.

Smiling a little at those words, Zim ghosted his hands over Dib's skin delicately, taking care not to let his fingers brush any of the scratches he knew the hybrid was trying to hide from him too brusquely. "How much did they hurt you?" he asked, having not gotten the full diagnosis from the medical drone yet but able to feel the strands of broken skin for himself as his hands hovered just a mere centimeter above Dib's swollen belly.

Trying to pull away somewhat, Dib flinched even at the small bit of contact. "I-I don't know...A lot...It hurts to walk, b-but the Irken doctor you sent for was the one who really looked me over. H-He said I was really scratched up. A-And that it would probably hurt more delivering the smeets. I-I didn't feel anything but pain though when they were doing it." he said, the memory alone causing him to tremble in his spot.

Zim looked worriedly at him. "Oh Dib..." he pulled his hands away from his lower half. "I'm so sorry..." he said, hating the fact he'd been so helpless to stop them at the time.

"No...No, don't be...It's not your fault..." Dib shakily nuzzled himself back into Zim despite the pain. "It hurt worse just knowing they made you watch the entire thing..." he blinked a few tears out of his eyes.

Petting Dib's head softly, Zim drooped visibly at those words. "I hated seeing you in pain..." he said before leaning in to kiss Dib gently on the head.

"I-I couldn't do anything to make them stop...They were going to kill you right in front of me..." Dib whimpered out, antennae falling back.

"Dib, shhh…It's okay, shhhh… I'm right here for you. I'll never leave you."

Still not wanting Zim to even see his bare body any longer, Dib found Zim's neck to hide his face away in as he pulled slightly under the covers, a sour taste sitting at the back of his throat and threatening to make him sick the more he thought about it. "I-I wanted to die after everything that happened..." he sobbed, still quite visibly shaken despite the fact that everything was okay now.

"Please don't, Dib...What would I do without you?"

"It wouldn't have been worth living if you weren't alive to be with me..." Dib breathed in shakily.

"What about the smeets?"

Dib could only break down even more at that question. "It wouldn't have been fair to put them through life without having you there to love them." he shook in his spot.

"Oh, Dib..." Zim hugged him gently.

"I-It wouldn't have been fair...I-It wouldn't have b-been fair..." Dib pulled his knees to himself, eyes sealed shut as he had his hands clamped over his twitching antennas. "I-I couldn't raise them, Zim...I couldn't...I might have ended up hurting them...I-I might have ended up doing something desperate like I did back on your leaders' ship..." he heaved slightly against the other as that one memory had become the main source of all his most recent nightmares.

Antennas drooping, Zim pulled Dib closer. "I don't believe you. You're not a killer, Dib...They went after you first. You were fighting in self-defense..." he said, not wanting Dib to think he'd done anything wrong that day.

"But I still stabbed him! I...I killed him..." Dib's eyes were wide now as he stared down at the bed sheets beneath him.

"He deserved worse, Dib. He hurt you so much…then tried to do it again. It's okay..."

"I've never done anything like that before though! I-It's not me...I...I was afraid to even be around myself! I'm afraid...to even have any sort of contact with Gaz or Rose or Jack...o-or...you..." Dib trembled where he sat, sniffling wetly.

"Shhh…It's okay, Dib." Zim held him close. "You've never killed anyone before, but this was a special circumstance...They would have killed you and the smeets if you hadn't done something." he said, having honestly been relieved at the time that Dib had taken such measures to protect himself and their unborn smeets.

"B-But I wasn't even thinking about that! I-I just wanted you back! I-I just...wanted you alive..."

"It's okay, Dib." Zim tried to calm him down by petting his hair softly.

"Th-The worst thing about all of this though i-is that I don't even feel like myself anymore...I have you back, but I don't even know whether I can do all this any longer. I love you...And I want to...B-But e-everything's so much more difficult now..."

A hurt look coming to his face now, Zim looked away quickly. "I'm sorry..." he said, at a loss for words.

"I-I thought things would go back to normal...That after I confirmed this wasn't just a dream, I would start to feel better...B-But I don't...I-I feel just as sick to my stomach now as I did right before you showed up…" Dib's body trembled. "Everything's okay now but I don't feel better...I can't eat...I thought I had just given up on even living...But now that your back, I still feel like I can't keep anything down...I feel like I've given up on myself...on myself...AND the smeets...and there's no going back..." he said, horribly shaken by the fact that he couldn't get over the shock of everything that had happened to them, even though things were looking up again. "I just want everything to go back to normal!" he then swiped at a glass of water that sat situated at the edge of the bed stand next to him, knocking it onto the floor with a clatter and causing water particles to dampen the air before scattering themselves in a dozen different directions. "I want to be able to sleep and eat and do all the things we were doing before this even happened! I want you to be able to touch me without it hurting! To make love to me without those memories popping back up into my head! A-And I want to touch and make love back to you without it hurting you either...I-I want to know we're still going to be good parents to our smeets despite everything that happened...That we're going to be happy in the end..." he felt hot tears welling to the surface before spilling down his cheeks in streams.

Closing his eyes and wincing as the glass clanked to the floor and a slight sting set in from some of the water splashing him in the face, Zim trembled in his spot momentarily at the other's outburst before swiping a sleeve across his damp skin. "Dib..." he looked up at him brokenly before closing his eyes once again and forcing himself to sit up. "We are going to be good parents..." he winced and rolled over, sliding off the bed and leaning against it to try and stand up straight. "E-everything will be normal…E-Even if I have to make it that way myself." he then let go of the bed, standing on his own despite how much it hurt. "I-I'll go make us some lunch…Th-Then we're going home." he nodded at Dib and headed for the bedroom door.

Sitting silently in the bed for a few moments as Zim got up, Dib then pushed himself up out of bed to grab hold of the Irken's wrist and pull him back into the bed with him. "No, you're not. You're too hurt..." he leaned back in the bed, tugging Zim up on top of him and wincing at the bit of weight on top of him but otherwise not pulling away. "Just stay here with me...Please...I-I'm sorry...I don't know what's wrong with me...But please..." he closed his eyes, suddenly calm again despite the panic he'd been in mere seconds ago.

A/N: And there you have it for Chapter 166. Until next time~