A Promise
Hagrid staggered uphill without a clue about the man in tow. He fumbled in his jacket to take the umbrella out mumbling inarticulate incantations. The gate didn't move an inch.
Severus pointed his wand while the half-giant busied himself inspecting the umbrella. Hagrid turned bewildered to search the reason of the sudden familiar grating of the entrance. Severus Snape smirked faintly visible in the darkness.
"What are you doing out here?" stammered Hagrid not unfriendly, but alarmed.
"I could ask you the same," replied Severus coolly. "Get inside! The gates are better closed."
Hagrid hesitated for a moment frowning at Severus. But when Severus didn't speak, he swayed further along the path; the other professor was forgotten and likewise the evening at the tavern and that they had shared a table minutes ago.
Severus sneered watching the huge gamekeeper until the candles in the Spartan cabin sent a faint light to the snow-covered lawn. He sighed inwardly and for a split-second considered returning to the village. There were things that needed to be done. The thoughts raped his mind and Severus had to stop them. The loss of control earlier was unmeant, but the feelings true. An idea of losing Leonor to another man, a Marauder, overwhelmed Severus and yet it was the best for her well-being. He couldn't forget her reaction, the lips on his skin, her smell. It should not have happened, neither tonight nor at the Yule Ball. The growing intensity of his emotions seeded a dangerous wish; something buried behind a petrified mask. Leonor's tenderness and her ignorance of his past compressed his heart even stronger. She would be unable to forgive him soon.
The mixed emotions carried Severus' feet down to the bushes at the shore. Thick clouds hid the sparse shine of the waning moon carefully. White snow reflected the little light in total silence. The small bay was covered in the darkness somewhere between the distant mountains. Severus rehearsed the planned actions unsure if the shivers came from the words itself, the jealousy or just the outside cold. He had to bring it to an end — tomorrow — and returned grimly up the path entering the dungeons through the back door below the greenhouses. Today he chose the easy way; Remus' presence brought some delay to the unavoidable.
XXX
"Severus, your return wasn't expected before supper," asked Dumbledore with a familiar chuckle. The dull light of an early cloudy morning enlightened the empty Great Hall barely. Even the torches were still asleep. The large room had only two breakfast guests. The glamour of Christmas was already gone, and the peace vanished soon with the returning younger students.
The already expected greeting darkened Severus' expression even more. It would have been a nice change if the headmaster asked forthrightly about Severus' place of the visit, but it never happened. Dumbledore usually waited for reports. The headmaster's aloof behaviour encouraged Severus as little as the gossip of the other colleagues. The mentioning of Cokeworth wasn't worthwhile anyway. The benefit of keeping the filthy muggle town a secret was still larger than disclosing the shame of a greasy childhood.
"I will be away for the rest of the day to commence my duty at curfew," answered Severus succinctly. Dumbledore showed a regretful smile towards the younger professor. The humourless answer damped the enthusiasm about more conversation or to suggest another stroll in the snow. Severus wondered how much Dumbledore knew about the intensified relationship to the Malfoy's or Leonor, but even this wasn't worth telling without being asked. Severus indulged further into the thoughts what would happen to Leonor when the Dark Lord returned. He couldn't ask Dumbledore to protect another woman, not if Alastor Moody took Severus' place safeguarding Potter. Severus importance diminished with the return of Dumbledore's faithful order members. There are things to be dealt with alone and Severus needed to be free from any sentimental emotions to gain the information of the other side. He was capable enough to watch Potter and Leonor from a distance.
An hour later Severus appeared silently in Leonor's garden. The weedy lawn of late summer stretched white within the leafless frame of the thicket. The bare branches hid the small garden carefully. A new outside staircase to the upper floor caught Severus attention. There were no sounds; the large window in the lab revealed no motion. Severus climbed the stairs after a short observation. He made no effort to be quiet. The boards cracked under the steps. The door-knob fumed faintly, like grass after a warm summer rain. He felt the heat just standing at the entrance. The archaic intruder detection charm secured the door well and most would have touched the handle and burned themselves painfully. He grinned and moved his wand concentrated across the wooden door, whispering the 'Cifrigus' incantation until the melting temperature dropped rapidly. He knocked without burning his knuckles and wondered if Leonor was at home. There was no immediate answer. She should have noticed the broken protection spells by now. Severus leaned casually against the railing searching for an alternative place to go. For once, he did not like to return to the dungeon office, but the door flung open.
"You dare to wake me up on a cold winter holiday?" Leonor stepped quickly outside pointing her wand to Severus' throat. Her feigned fretful expression resolved quickly into a smile. "You know it's still New Year and early morning?" Leonor grinned and returned inside. "Come in!" Severus followed hesitantly even though he came for this visit. The room changed since the opening party. It attracted the attention a little less than watching Leonor with long woollen socks in a fleecy jumpsuit. She didn't look sleepy at all.
"You were still asleep?" frowned Severus to start a conversation.
"No, not really. I was already reading for a while." Leonor took a pan out of the muggle style kitchen unit.
"You've been careless to open the door with your wand only," censured Severus, a deep line on his forehead.
"Stop it!" Leonor turned to point the kitchen knife at Severus. "I watched you coming upstairs and liked to see how you deal with the intruder charm. You want me to be alarmed by your visit?" teased Leonor.
Severus averted his gaze to inspect what looked like a one-room flat and a little proud that he broke the charm. He mumbled under his breath, "It would be better to be alarmed." Leonor didn't listen.
Entering the apartment from the back door gave another view. It was larger than Severus remembered it. To the right was a single-wall kitchen, in the edge behind a narrow winding stair to the attic and a large door. It could be the bathroom. The artfully curved bannister to the lower floor was polished and clean. The interior of Jackson's old house appeared in a verdant dark brown colour. It gave a nice contrast to the brighter glow of the country-style kitchen and dinner table. The furniture looked new and the maple wood was rather unusual for wizarding homes. On the left side stood a ceiling high shelf with books and periodicals. It had two elements and looked like serving as a room divider. The entrance to the more private area next to the mantelpiece was hidden from view. A large carpet lay in front of the fireside, completed by two comfortable looking armchairs and a two-seater sofa. Curiosity got the better of Severus. He restrained himself to look around the shelf to the hidden private area. The wizard started to check the books instead. There was mainly muggle literature about medicine, a few advanced potion books, a recent issue of medical brochures and the healer's periodical of the U.S. A booklet with a leathery brown cover and silver letters attracted Severus attention finally. He hesitated to take Leonor's thesis out of the shelf. The leather felt important under his fingers. She had a sound education; Severus plans to get a real master's degree were nipped in the bud. The guild supported a promising topic until the Dark Lord pressed every brave scientist to the underground. The cool cover slipped into his hands. He read the table of contents and the list of references to find his name in the attachment section of the listed experiments. He turned astonished to ask Leonor. In the meantime, the table was served with brown bread, scrambled eggs and steaming hot coffee. The smell was enticing, the books had distracted him completely. Severus was lost in the aromatic roast of coffee; something he missed totally at Hogwarts.
"It's just a late breakfast if you don't mind sitting down and taking off your cloak?" said Leonor flatly and threw more wood to the fire. "You can take it for reading. Give it back to me if you are done," added Leonor conversationally glancing impishly at Severus perplexed expression, a rare occasion to catch the potions master off guard. "The coat hook is over there," Leonor pointed between the bannister and the small spiral staircase.
"Why did you mention the experiment we did for the students' exam?" asked Severus glancing again around observingly while placing the thick cloak on the hook. It was indeed very warm inside, and a pricking sweat crept through his body. Severus realized that he was once more under the woman's spell. Every passing minute softened the intention to create more distance.
"It would have been cheating without referencing it."
"You have been allowed to use help?"
"Yes, for research and trials, except St. Mungo's Healers and Ministry Officials. I think they found the introduction of those methods at the Hogwarts education very advanced, but also necessary to get more into the scientific approach of potions in between all the ordinary concoctions. It was an advantage to add it to the thesis; they were all very pleased. You know the headmaster has a positive reputation!" grinned Leonor.
Severus' eyes narrowed as if in disbelieve about it, but he sat down reflectively. Leonor already buttered her bread and ate. She gestured him to start.
"You cook the muggle way," said Severus quietly after helping himself.
"I do. Most wizards cannot tell the difference, but how did you notice while being absorbed by the books?"
"I believe the spells cut the aroma while cooking. The muggles need more time; it smells and tastes a little more intense."
"You surprise me," said Leonor seriously.
"Do I?" Severus dark eyes searched her face for a trace of a lie, but she met his gaze and smiled.
"I bet most wizarding households don't know there's a difference originated by the spells. I would be surprised if Dumbledore knows. He's likely not much in muggle homes to prove it. Did your mother cook the same way?" added Leonor thoughtfully.
"Yes, if there was money to buy decent food." The memory of a violent father wolfing down the sparse meals without sharing with wife and son appeared in his mind. "My father didn't accept any spells in his presence. Magic did not please him; hexing wealth, money, food or beer didn't work. It made magic useless in his limited mind." Severus' voice was bitter. He stabbed the egg and chewed forcefully on the bread; glad Leonor didn't continue questioning.
"You liked to discuss something with me?" said Severus keenly after several minutes of silence, finishing the remains of the coffee with a large gulp.
"Yes, I wanted to tell you about Lupin and the Malfoy's, but you know it in the meantime. It's just— would you please check the Wolfsbane next full moon? I've not brewed it for a while and like to be on the save side." Severus gave only a curt nod.
"Thanks," said Leonor in a small voice. "Burke and Fawley gave me a task, no obligation, but something very useful. You've been recommended as a research partner." The timid expression on the woman's face was already enough of an explanation. Bile roused in Severus' stomach, and he swallowed it painfully back with Occlumency. His face and body stiffened. He knew the dangerous mission and the torture received when a Death Eater spied the secret research; he'd been guinea pig testing first trials to stop the crucified pain in his limbs.
"I cannot help you. Dumbledore told you already." Severus spoke callous and indifferent.
"Are you sure about what he told me?" asked Leonor with a chill in her voice.
"It's obvious." Severus bit back the memory of the breakfast after the Yule Ball. It was only a guess that the headmaster gave another warning.
"Don't be childish!" hissed Leonor.
"I'm too busy."
"I'm asking your opinion, not to do all the work."
"Ask Lupin. He and his friends are naturals," pressed Severus through gritted teeth.
"Not in the required skills for potions research. You know that," shouted Leonor. The mention of Lupin made her furious. It couldn't be that Severus wanted it. It felt like he was pulling her leg.
"Supporting the guild is not beneficial. They'll hide once the Dark Lord comes again to power," spat Severus resentfully.
"Most people will hide on one or the other way! You've started the same research years ago!"
"It was a mistake! You must not—"
"Oh no, don't command me! I'm not intimidated— neither with your tight-lipped behaviour nor the billowing cloak. It's a shame to cow the students. But it's not just their disadvantage. It's yours! They can't even see the skilled wizard below the sneering coldness and the sarcastic threats." Leonor fumed. "If you would show a bit of the devoted person you are and bite your sharp tongue then somebody could recognize that Dumbledore made a good choice with his professor. Maybe it would encourage the kids to learn more willingly, even those that are beyond help as you call it. Some people see the potential to improve the situation for the victims with your help!"
"Dumbledore did not hire me to be pleasant! He wanted information."
"He gave you a chance and wouldn't mind if you'd stop to violate the fourth-years and everybody else. It would be for your own good." Leonor looked hard into the dark tunnels of Severus' eyes. He was pale and his body tense. Leonor hexed the plates and dishes to the sink. They clashed noisily into the silver steel basin. He felt her disappointment concealed with rage burning within himself.
"The class is full of would-be Death Eaters! You don't know anything," answered Severus defiantly and cold.
"—because I had such a lovely childhood! I've got my own demons, don't need yours too! What's that game called? Kiss and then sent her back into Lupin's arms? It's indeed easier talking to him," spat Leonor.
"We cannot meet anymore," said Severus calmly watching the snow-covered surroundings of Hogsmeade. He wished she would give up, and he could keep the destroying insults to himself. The large window front collected the sunlight; bright dots were dancing on the windowsill. Leonor washed up. She fished a saucer with a lack of concentration, and it broke on the floor.
"Was that revelation the reason of your visit?" snorted Leonor.
"Yes," replied Severus with indifferent intonation. The friendly mix of clouds and blue sky gave an odd contrast to the mood; the silence screamed for attention. A black dog ran over the fields, like racing with notional birds, the funny sight like stinging nettles. The noise of china and cutlery died and the enticing experience of everyday life with it. Occlumency fought fervently against the inside feeling of blame and concern. Bundled concentration overlaid every piece of emotion. Severus hesitated to go and close the door once and for all.
"We are not meant to be friends," said Leonor surprisingly balanced after another moment of heavy silence. She still faced the sink, her shoulders stiff and the arms propped at the edge of the kitchen. "I can forego of a relationship in public, but if you don't know what you want— I cannot be with you if I'm pushed away every other day."
Leonor's words were barely audible; nevertheless, the finality of the decision sliced through the air. It hit Severus like a wake-up call. She was hurt; trained to suppress the grief effectively, to accept things that could not be changed. A method he used too often. Severus continued watching the landscape. Leonor was one of the few able persons to occlude her mind; it would make the handsome features hard and emotionless. She would look at him coldly and indifferent. Severus didn't like the idea, but it would be safe. Occlumency saved privacy. He went a step too far; a night together started a dangerous game. Severus fate was to save Harry Potter; to avoid Lily died in vain. He was lucky to meet somebody like Leonor, a person to fight mental intruders and prospectively the Crutiatus Curse, a partner to start what he liked most in school. There was a chance to hide the activities from publicity and work with potions as he always wanted it. Lily had been a potion's natural; she just did what Slughorn asked and received excellent marks. Lily never made experiments, never improved the recipes, never risked anything. She always smiled about Severus efforts to brew the same potion in different ways, to add other ingredients, to remove side effects or improve the smell. It added no value in Lily's eyes and after some years even the warnings to be careful with experiments disappeared. They had been outstanding in class and still different. Severus was skilled enough to train Leonor, an encouraging thought to fill lonely evenings with sense. There was enough time if they started soon; the research could be even more beneficial. It was reasonable to share his knowledge now; Leonor could circulate it in her network helping the inevitable future victims. It was selfish longing for tenderness in private lessons and drag Leonor into the war with it, yet it was easy to blame the circumstances. A Slytherin wasn't expected to be altruistic. Lily's eyes looked at him in disgust and disguised in James Potter's appearance, every potions' lesson with the boy a double torture. The woman in this room changed the resentment easily, why to quit the relationship now?
Severus crossed the room with a swift pace fully aware of the next steps in securing protection and prospect of success. He put the frock coat over the back of the chair; it hemmed him. Severus touched Leonor's strained shoulders and pressed them softly. He needed to see her face before asking the essentials.
"I help you with the guild's research if you let me train you in Occlumency," hissed Severus sharply. Leonor did not look up. "Will you promise to take care of yourself, to save your own life first?" he added urgently.
"And what's my benefit of it?" braved Leonor.
"None. You asked for help. These are my conditions."
"How unselfish! And what will the training look like?" Leonor's dark eyes flashed with sad resistance.
"I'll penetrate your mind; twice a week, my office." He curled his lips and took a step back.
"—and what's with you and me?" frowned Leonor.
"We need to always hide, everywhere! We need to be patient, it's the only way," spoke Severus quietly. His dark eyes pierced hers without mercy until Leonor gave a defeated nod.
"You are going to kiss me every lesson?" she said with a shy smile and a look as if it was the only profit of a lost game.
Severus embraced her shoulders and pulled her closer to rest her head on his chest.
"I promise," he said softly. Hope overpowered fears.
XXX
Sunbeams brightened the one-room flat. The sun dispersed the grey snow-filled clouds of the morning. A bright winter day surfaced and paid homage to the holiday and the new year. Leonor listened to Severus steady heartbeat. Her arms were wrapped around his waist. Severus' chin rested on her head and his fingers played with the woman's brown hair. The churning mess in Leonor's emotions calmed quickly. She was not free of needing body contact; a tale she told herself many years. She needed Severus' embrace more than anything else. The world's problems solved into nothingness and time was suddenly of no importance.
Severus pushed Leonor gently away. "We should start working," he said matter-of-factly and confirmed the pact with a tender kiss. Severus controlled himself masterly; something Leonor was not capable in his arms. She longed for more, but Severus just stopped and walked down the stairs with a knowing sneer.
Leonor found Severus later scribbling on a parchment; it looked like a listing of ingredients. She exchanged the jumpsuit into some old clothes used for experimental potions.
"What do you write?" Leonor leaned against Severus's left side and read.
"I'm almost ready," said Severus and continued without paying attention to the nestling woman.
"Looks as if there's everything on my stocks, at least in small quantities," said Leonor.
"Good. It's the base formula against the after-effects of the Crutiatus."
"You have already something?" asked Leonor incredulously.
"Didn't Burke tell you what I gave his wife?"
"He told me about the first try of a remedy used by Alice Burke, but no details. He wanted me to talk to you."
"I never told the guild how to create the concoction. This recipe is already improved. It's tested on Death Eaters without side effects. It fights the tremor successfully."
"Tremor? It's not what the books describe as the most painful after-effects of the curse."
"The Crutiatus stimulates all nerve tracts, like electrical overstress. It creates the deathly pain. Even if the curse is stopped and does not influence the sanity of the person the tremor of the nerve bundles remains. The nerves activate the muscles and the body won't find any rest."
"You say all the research of painkillers is useless?"
"No, that's not what I'm saying. It may help too, but according to my experience, a strong depressant works better to fight the origin of the pain. The mind and muscles need to relax."
"I used a household remedy of the Red Indians to calm Alice and Frank Longbottom, a mixed potion of dogwood, coneflower, sweet grass, and peppermint. It worked to improve the short-term perception. It's all against headaches and pain of different origin but works against depression too. Those and substitute drugs are on your list," answered Leonor astonished.
"The plants are not unknown in Europe," a satisfied grin curled Severus' lips. Leonor studied the parchment seriously, a welcome distraction to watch Leonor's shape unnoticed. The splotchy old sweater was tinctured in all sorts of coloured potions. Acrid liquids must have torn some holes into it a long time ago.
"You've done the work already," Leonor frowned, still staring at the parchment.
"There's room for improvement. I merely used an aqueous solution of the substances and some spells as an activator. You must create it yourself. I stopped working on it after the Dark Lord vanished. There were no test subjects anymore."
"I could ask St. Mungo's to work with some long-term patients in the closed ward. The first test results are the base for improvement. What do you suggest doing?"
"A break—" Severus snatched the paper out of Leonor's hands and lifted her to the workbench. He adjusted the little diamond on the sweater.
"I thought we wanted to work—," scolded Leonor softly.
"It's work." Severus slim hands touched her cheeks and the lips found each other in another kiss.
"You surprise me again." Leonor brushed the soft lanky hair out of his eyes. It was a new experience to be level with the pale studious face.
"You've mentioned that already," answered Severus pleased with himself.
"Why is Alice Burke obsessed with you?" The question almost burned another hole of curiosity into Leonor's ragged sweater.
"I don't know. I initially thought Slughorn told her to keep an eye on me. She persisted in dancing with me at the guild celebrations and to introduce me to every girl she knew. Alice asked me to trust her. She believed herself capable to help me with a gateway route, but I was already branded. Alice visited my workplace twice a week. Likely she bought countless flasks of useless potions in Knockturn Alley. She was the closest of a grandmother I had. She took it personally when I refused to dance with her on one of the monthly parties. It was highly embarrassing in public. I did not return to the private celebrations for a couple of years. She didn't deserve it, nor the torture by the Death Eaters," sighed Severus. The sentimentality of close bonds stressed him; he escaped in a minute of foul temper embarrassed about himself to never meet the kind-hearted woman's claim.
"The Burke's and Fawley's were very nice to me too."
"They are good, just be careful with others in the guild. Let the ancient chairman's handle the distribution of the Crutiatus remedy. Keep your name disguised as much as you can."
"Severus, what do you think of investigating the use of Legilimency and Memory Charms to help the victims of the Crutiatus? It's as if the curse overlays all cognitive functions. The chaos in the minds is permanent and irrevocable. If 'Obliviate' could be used to reorganize the memories—," asked Leonor thoughtfully with her hands around Severus' neck and searching the depth of his eyes.
"It cannot be tested without official agreement," answered Severus dryly.
"What if we combine some attempts with the Occlumency training?" whispered Leonor.
"You are mad!" spat Severus. He freed himself from her grip. Occlumency would be hard but experimenting with memory charms was downright ridiculous.
A strong knock on the front door interrupted the angry atmosphere. Deep lines appeared on Severus' forehead and he sent a questioning look to Leonor.
"I'll check the door, maybe some emergency. Listen upstairs and if it takes longer you leave from the upper landing. I'll see you later at Hogwarts." Severus nodded and climbed quickly up the stairs.
XXX
Leonor vanished the secret listing of the strong depressants to a cupboard. Another impatient knock announced some urgency, and she hurried through the sales room to open the door. Ashley waited with a well-built young man in front of the door. The young couple had rosy cheeks, like from a stroll around the village. Ashley brushed some snow from her cloak.
"Good afternoon!" smiled Leonor. Ashley was still dumbstruck, and the bridegroom nudged her in the rips to speak. "It's only for emergencies today and if I'm not mistaken you need to wait another six or seven months before your baby will be born," teased Leonor, but opened the door wide and gestured to follow her into the surgery.
"My mum told you?" asked Ashley and blushed.
"She did. You feel well?" The young woman confirmed it with a small smile.
"No heavy morning sickness, no premature labour pain?" Leonor pierced the expectant mother with a scrutinizing look.
"Nothing."
"She does not eat enough," mumbled the young man.
"I don't need to eat for two or I'll be like an elephant in summer," snapped Ashley vividly.
"Indeed, normal meals are sufficient. Do you like to have a look to your baby? It takes about thirty minutes." Leonor said it loud and clear and heard a subdued scrape from above. A sad smile flitted across her face.
"That's not possible!" said Ashley. "My friend did not see her baby before it was born!"
Leonor shrugged and powered on a strange looking device next to a doctor's couch. "It's called medical ultrasound, a recent development of the muggles. It shows the insides of human organs. It doesn't hurt. Ashley lay on the couch and remove the clothes from your belly!" The young mother removed the cloak hesitantly and sat down.
"It helps me to see if everything is well with the baby. You can visit me once a month, and we double check on you and the baby's health." Leonor took two business cards from a cupboard and handed them to the expecting father. "Contact also a midwife. They'll help you with the birth and examine you. That's really important."
"But my friend—," protested Ashley.
"—was a bit overenthusiastic to dismiss help in first place. Ashley, the midwives are a better choice. I'm there for emergencies and other incidents. Will you remove your blouse from your belly?" Leonor switched on the monitor and beads of sweat appeared on her forehead. She brushed them quickly away. Leonor liked Ashley and knew it was an unforgettable memory to see the heartbeat of the unborn life. She had not used the ultrasound on pregnancy yet. Leonor concentrated hard on the facts and suppressed all the memories. The bridegroom was holding Ashley's hand in anticipation when the monitor showed some black and white structures.
Leonor managed a strained smile, pointing to the little pounding heart on the display. "It's about twelve to thirteen weeks old. Does that meet your calculations?" The parents agreed, staring transfixed into the muggle's gadget. "Everything is alright. No need to worry." Leonor finished the full examination without paying much attention to the astonishment of the parents.
"Was that real?" asked the young man helping Ashley to her feet.
"Real and without magic! Get your bride a midwife. She'll do the magical diagnostic spells again. Please keep quiet about the muggle machine, alright?" said Leonor unemotional and glad that the couple was too overwhelmed noticing Leonor's sallow face and the sweating hands. She closed the door behind them, hoping to hide the wet glance in her eyes from Severus as much as she wished him to be here. He waited already with a passionate embrace in the lab and kissed the salty tears away.
"You surprise me too," whispered Severus after a while. "Would you mind going for a walk before visiting the foreign students?"
Leonor nodded subdued. "Severus, there's a black stray dog in Hogsmeade. I believe it's Sirius Black. He barked when I climbed the Slytherin Stand at the Quidditch Final."