A.N: Hello everyone, below is just parrt of a collection of omakes from my story Reborn. The story is not finished yet so there will be more omakes made as it goes on, plus I will upload some more of the already made ones in the next chapter of this story. I'm on chapter 43 on the story so far. Now these aren't meant to be taken seriously or anything, they're just silly fun. Some might be better or make more sense if you read the story.
Anyway, enjoy.
Chapter 9:
Omake 1 :
"Oh...wow!" Hill said after taking several deep breaths. "That was really good."
"Thanks." Harry smirked.
"Yeah, you were so much better than my husband."
"You have a husband?
"No but if I did then I am pretty sure that you would be better."
"Well...thanks I guess."
"Yeah," Hill grinned as her hand slid down his body. "I..." She paused when her hand reached the desired destination. "hold on, where's your condom?!"
"The fuck's a condom?"
(A.N: If you know where I got this joke from then well done)
Omake 2 :
"Alright," Hill said, stripping down once Harry had entered her home. "let's do this." She said once she was completely naked.
"I call dibs on the bed, you can sleep on the couch." Harry said as he looked towards the bedroom.
"What?!"
"Oh I didn't want to sleep with you, my apartment's under work so I needed a place to say. Thanks by the way." Harry said as he tapped her on the shoulder before walking off, leaving a gaping Hill.
Omake 3 :
"Natasha?" Clint asked as he saw Natasha scowling in the corner and writing in a book. "Are you alright?" He asked in a concerned voice.
"Shush!" Natasha hissed. "I'm coming up with a plan to seduce Potter."
"Uh...why?"
"Because if Hill can seduce him yet I can't then I lose my spot as top seducer of the month and I only need to win it one more time to break my personal record. So I'm coming up with ideas to seduce him, look at them and tell me what you think." She said as she shoved the book into his hand.
"Um...the first plan is a bit too expensive." Barton frowned.
"Well I could buy some cheaper wine." Natasha said with a thoughtful voice.
"I meant the zeppelin." Barton replied. "Why a zeppelin?"
"Because I couldn't do what I had planned in a helicopter." Natasha said as if it was obvious.
Chapter 11 :
Omake 1:
Harry: Kids, on the summer of 2007 your mother and I had a bet. I won, we had sex, you were born nine months later. Aren't you glad how direct I was about the story?
Omake 2 :
"I'm sorry Natasha," Barton said as he looked at 'Plan to seduce Harry number 27' "but it won't work."
"Why not?" Natasha frowned.
"Because if it goes wrong then you could die."
"That's be sort of romantic."
"Maybe but it would definitely be stupid." Barton replied. "What is plan number 28?"
"Convince twenty eight women to join me and him in an orgy then win him over by being better than all of them." Natasha answered.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"That's your best one so far."
Chapter 13:
Omake 1:
"Shut it," Tony said as he pulled out his phone. "Fury is calling me." Tony said before he answered it. "Fury, listen up I..."
"This is a nice strip club Tony!" Barton shouted loud enough for Fury to be able to hear.
"Wish it was a strip club with women though." Harry said, also in a loud voice. "Hey Tony I found your internet history!"
"Shut it!" Tony hissed at them. "No, not you," Tony said to Fury. "I..."
"Tony you can't invent an Ultron 2.0!" Natasha shouted before covering her mouth to restrain her laughter.
"I will call you back." Tony said to Fury through gritted teeth before he ended the call, he looked at Clint, Harry and Natasha who were now on the other side of the room and innocently watching TV.
Omake 2:
"Well we know where he is." Natasha said.
"Are we going after him?" Tony asked.
"Hell yeah," Harry nodded. "it's time, everyone get ready. Bring your A-game."
"I'm ready for a fight." Thor growled with Sam nodding in agreement.
"Good," Harry replied. "everyone...let's go get this son of a language."
"FOR FUCK SAKES! IT WAS THE ONE TIME!" Steve shouted. The other Avengers looked at each other, silence passed for several moments before they all looked at Steve and spoke at the same time.
"Language."
Omake 3:
"Sorry Nat," Clint said. "but 'plan to seduce Harry number thirty-one' isn't going to work either."
"Why not?" Natasha frowned as she looked at her notebook full of plans.
"Because he is executing it now." Clint pointed to Harry who was currently dressed in a penguin costume and chatting up a Shield Agent.
"Damn," Natasha pouted. "what about the next plan?"
"No good, it's the same as the previous one except with an ostrich costume and nobody likes them."
Omake 4 :
"What is wrong with it?" Harry demanded.
"It is a hobo suit," Fleur sniffed. "you can't be seen in it darling, I won't allow it."
"What are you talking about? You designed it."
"I never look back on the past, it distracts from the now." Fleur said before she pulled her notepad out.
Chapter 14:
Omake 1:
"You stabbed him?!" Pepper shouted as she kneeled alongside Tony who was groaning in pain.
"It's not my fault!" Harry said defensively, before remembering that the knife was in his hand. He quickly tossed it away.
"How is it not your fault?!" Pepper demanded.
"You didn't hear what he said to me!"
"What?!"
"He said to me 'what are you going to do? Stab me?'! So I did as any other person would do and stabbed him."
"Makes sense." Clint said as he walked past them all.
"You can't just stab him!" Pepper admonished.
"It's alright Pepper." Tony whispered.
"Tony it is not alright, you were stabbed."
"No...it is alright, you know why?"
"Why?"
"I am in a 'STABle condition."
Chapter 15:
Omake 1:
"They died of natural causes." Natasha said.
"Miss Romanoff," Fury frowned. "you kicked one of them off a building while Mr Potter blasted the other one off."
"Gravity is a natural cause." Harry said before he and Natasha high fived each other.
Omake 2 :
"It's not that hard to hire someone to kill someone," Harry said. "some of them are even really cheap, barely cost anything."
"Really?" Steve asked.
"Yeah, the prices have been dropping." Harry nodded. "For a tenner you can murder the president."
"Oh come on," Tony scoffed. "that's ridiculous."
"Slight exaggeration," Harry admitted. "but it's true, I mean look at your family. Rich, famous and important as all hell yet it was still two for a Buck."
Omake 3 :
"Tony...no." Harry said.
"Tony yes." Tony replied.
"Tony no." Natasha said.
"Tony maybe." Tony replied.
"Tony no." Pepper said.
"Tony no." Tony pouted.
Omake 4 :
"So, if you had ten cookie and somebody asked for one then how many cookie would you have?" Steve asked.
"Ten." Harry answered.
"Okay, but what if somebody tried to take one?" Rhodey asked.
"Ten and a dead body." Harry replied instantly. Tony who was behind him slowly removed his hand from the cookie jar and backed away.
Omake 5 :
"Nat," Clint frowned. "I think Harry might have gotten access to your plans to seduce him."
"What makes you think that?" Natasha frowned.
"He is executing plan 37 right now." Clint said as he gestured to Harry who was chatting to a woman while standing on his hands.
"Damn it! No wait, this is still salvageable!" Natasha said before she quickly got on to her hands and started moving towards Harry.
"Watch out for the..." Clint's warning was cut off by a rather loud crash. "...waiter." Clint added, more to himself.
Chapter 16:
Omake 1:
"I could have lifted your hammer the entire time." Harry said.
"Then why didn't you?" Thor asked.
"It's simple," Harry said as he placed his sunglasses on. "I didn't want to steal your thunder."
Omake 2:
"Tony?" Steve said in a questioning voice when he saw Tony doing what looked like a strange dance. "What is going on?"
"There is something wrong," Tony gasped out as he tried to scratch himself, which was hard to do since he was covered head to toe in metal. "there's something in my suit."
"It's called itching powder." Harry said in a casual voice as he walked past him.
Omake 3 :
"Thanks Harry." Natasha smiled as she kissed his cheek.
"You're welcome." Harry replied.
"You know when a girl kisses you it is nice to kiss her back." Tony commented.
"Okay...but why her back?"
Omake 4:
"Dude, I think Natasha is interested in you." Clint said to Harry as the two walked down the hallway.
"I don't think so." Harry said as he shook his head.
"Are you kidding me?! Of course she is!" Barton said as they arrived at Harry's room, Harry opened the door to find Natasha lying down on his bed with nothing but a short thigh high black dress.
"Hey Harry." She said in a seductive tone before biting her lip while she rubbed her body with her hands.
"Oh hey Nat." Harry said before he summoned his helmet to his hand. "I'm going to the shops, I'll see you guys later." Harry said before he closed the door, he frowned for a second before looking at Clint. "Nah, I don't know what on Earth would make you think she's interested in me." Harry said before he walked off, leaving a disbelieving Clint behind. Clint's shock turned into fear as an angry Nat opened the door.
"You said that Plan to seduce Harry number 39 would work!" She hissed at him.
"I don't know how it didn't!"
As the two argued, they didn't see Harry who looked back at them with an amused smirk.
Omake 5:
"Look Steve, it doesn't matter if you're a virgin." Harry said.
"I'm not a virgin."
"Of course you're not," Harry rolled his eyes. "I mean it's not like you used to be really unhealthy and unwanted by girls and it's not like you were only interested in the one girl when you got buff and it's not like you were frozen in ice for years after your first kiss with that girl who is now really old."
"But I..."
"Steve, it doesn't matter if you're a virgin. There is more than one on the team."
"You mean you are a..."
"Hell no," Harry cut him off. "I was referring to Barton."
"Hey!" Clint protested. "I am not a virgin, I have kids."
"Yes," Harry nodded. "but you were the one who said you shoot better from a distance."
Chapter 17:
Omake 1:
"Oh and this is Hogun the Grimm." Sif said as she introduced Hogun.
"The Grim?" Harry asked.
"Yes, he...wait why are you stabbing him?!"
"There can only be one!"
Omake 2:
"I'm cold." Natasha frowned.
"Let me get you a jacket." Harry said as he waved his wand and created a jacket for her.
"I'm cold too." Tony said.
"Want me to set you on fire?" Harry offered.
Omake 3:
"I like your new pants." Natasha said.
"Thanks, they were 20% off." Harry replied.
"I'd like them better if they were 100%." Natasha grinned.
"They can't give clothes away for free."
"What?! No that's not what I meant."
"That's a horrible way to run a business."
Chapter 19 :
Omake 1:
"I'm ugly." Wanda frowned.
"I am pregnant." Tony replied.
"I am Groot." Harry said.
"I am Groot." Groot said.
"What he said." Rocket agreed.
"I'm the god of whiskey." Thor added.
"What is wrong with you all?" Wanda asked.
"Oh, we just thought that we were all saying things that aren't true." Harry replied. "Why do you think you're ugly?"
"Some guy said it online."
"Oh...okay, Clint!" Harry yelled. "Someone insulted your kind of daughter who looks up to you."
"Who dares?!" Clint demanded as he burst into the room with his bow and arrow.
"Somebody named 'Noobmaster69'." Steve frowned as he looked at the computer.
"Noobmaster!" Thor roared as he summoned his feet and summoned Mjolnir. "I will join you Barton!"
"Let's go then!" Barton yelled before he and Thor walked out.
"Well that's that taken care of," Harry commented. "Tony arrange for a funeral, and Wanda, you want some tea?"
Omake 2:
"Halloween is so stupid." Natasha commented. "Dressing up as someone you're not."
"You're a spy." Tony couldn't help but point out.
"That's why she's upset, nobody gives her candy when she pretends to be somebody else." Harry responded.
Omake 3:
"Are you alright Harry?" Natasha asked.
"No, I have this headache that keeps coming and going." Harry replied.
"Hi guys." Tony said as he entered the room.
"Great, it's back."
Omake 4:
"What the fuck?!" Natasha and Tony blurted out when they opened the closet to find Harry snogging Pepper. Harry and Pepper broke apart and looked at the two, they both wore confused looks before they looked at each other and jumped back in shock.
"Damn, oh I know what's happened." Harry said before he grabbed Pepper and yeeted her at Tony. "Sorry Tony, wrong redhead, this one's mine." Harry said as he grabbed Natasha and pulled her into the closet. "Thanks." Harry said before he closed it.
Chapter 20:
Omake 1:
"Just like Budapest all over again." Natasha said.
"You and I remember Budapest very differently." Barton commented as he fired another arrow.
"Oh for god's sake! Just tell me what happened!" Harry yelled.
Omake 2:
"Alright Thor," Harry said. "you need to remember to say 'Yeet' every time you throw Mjolnir."
"But why?" Thor frowned.
"It gives it extra power." Harry answered.
"Really?"
"Yeah, watch this." Harry said as he picked up a cup. "Yeet!" Harry yelled as he tossed it and it hit Bruce on the back of the head, causing him to fall down the stairs.
"Hulk smash!" A roar was heard a few seconds later.
"Oh yeah, deal with that please." Harry said as he tapped Thor on the shoulder. "thanks." He smiled before teleporting out.
Omake 3:
"Natasha, what's your status?" Harry asked into his communication device.
"Single." Natasha replied.
"O...kay."
"Also stabbed but I think single needs to be corrected first."
"Wait you're stabbed?"
"Only twice, now how about a night out this Saturday?"
"Damn it Nat, get some medical help!"
"Fine...but then a night out?"
Omake 4:
"I told you you would pay." Thor growled as he pushed Stormbreaker into Thanos's chest. Thanos, despite being deep in pain and very tired, looked up.
"You...you should've..." A smile appeared on his face. "...you should have said 'yeet'!" Thanos quickly snapped his fingers using the infinity gauntlet.
"No!" Thor cried.
"Damn it Thor!" Harry's voice was heard.
Chapter 22 :
Omake 1:
"Harry, I told you to go get the Hulk." Tony said when Harry arrived back in the room.
"I...I was going to...but...but he was kind of busy." Harry frowned.
"Busy?" Steve asked.
"Well...he was...polishing his wand."
"Beg your pardon?" Rhodey blinked.
"Polishing his wand." Harry repeated before making a motion with his hand.
"Oh." Everyone said in the room at the same time.
"Yeah, I quickly left, I didn't want to look. That's a lie, all I wanted to do was look. Not in a weird way," Harry quickly added. "I just wanted to see if everything was enhanced, it wasn't by the way."
"Really?" Tony asked.
"Yeah, it was below average if anything, like from the single glance I estimate it to be like five or six inches."
"That's not below average." Tony frowned.
"Is it not?" Harry asked.
"No, five to seven inches is average."
"Huh," Harry said, looking surprised as he glanced down. "it's kind of hard not to feel good about myself right now."
"Right...come with me." Natasha said as she grabbed his shirt and began leading him away.
Omake 2:
"This is nice." Natasha said in Russian.
"Yeah it is," Clint agreed, also speaking in Russian. "quick question though, why are we speaking in Russian?"
"Because we're the only two on the team who can speak it, not counting Thor, but Thor's away which means we can make the others think that we're saying mean things about them." Natasha replied.
"Fair enough, oh wait here's Tony." Clint said as Tony entered the room, he looked towards Barton and Natasha, only to nearly jump back in shock at the evil looks they were giving. "He looks like he's about to piss his pants." Clint growled at Tony.
"I can't wait to tell Pepper about this!" Natasha said in a deadly whisper, it was a full thirty seconds before the two were able to scare off Tony, when Steve entered later he managed to last about thirty-four seconds before he left the room. Then Harry came in.
"It's Harry." Clint whispered to Natasha.
"Ah, his ass is so nice." Natasha said as she glared at Harry.
"Thanks." Harry replied in Russian as he walked off.
"Oh shit," Clint said in English. "I didn't know he spoke Russian."
"I did." Natasha smirked.
Omake 3:
Harry was currently sat on his bed, reading through a book and ignoring Natasha who was standing up on the opposite side of the room in nothing but a black bra and panties while holding up a neon sign that had the words 'free sex' written on it. This continued on for about a half an hour, eventually Natasha got bored of waiting in silence.
"Notice me!"
"No." Harry said calmly as he idly turned a page.
Chapter 23 :
Omake 1:
Fury: So you discovered Shield was infested with Hydra.
Harry: Yes.
Fury: You found that out when they stole your dog?
Harry: Yes.
Fury: So you went rogue and started killing all Hydra agents and sympathisers in the last week?
Harry: Yeah. That sounds right.
Fury:You realize you killed thousands of people?! Some of them were even politicians! You have been the subject of an international man hunt! And if you hadn't provided the proof you did just now, you would have been the most wanted criminal on this planet.
Harry: They. Stole. My. Dog.
Omake 2 :
"Nat?" Clint asked, when he saw Nat looking through a pile of clothes. "what are you doing?"
"Plan to seduce Harry number 47." Natasha answered. "I am going to keep wearing costume after costume until I finally find the right one that gets his attention. I've got sexy nurse, sexy policewoman, anime girls, Disney Princesses, I'm bidding for a catwoman and wonder woman costume online. But I'm trying to decide what to wear first. He likes dogs, so I am thinking of going with the dog ears and tail."
"I don't think he likes them that much." Clint frowned.
"I won't be wearing anything else." Natasha added.
"Ok...that he will probably like."
Omake 3 :
"Let's do 'get help'." Thor suggested.
"Dibs on not being it." Loki said quickly.
"What the hell is 'get help'?" Harry asked just as Loki grabbed him from one side while Thor grabbed him from the other.
"Basically this. Yeet!" Thor yelled before he and Loki tossed Harry.
"Wow," Loki said. "it's actually quite fun when you're not being thrown."
"Yes but I...oh brother he's back up, we should run."
"Probably best."
Omake 4:
"Well performance issues, they're not uncommon." Tony said. "One out of..." Tony was interrupted as a nearby door opened and Harry was piggybacking a half naked and very dazed Natasha out of the room.
"Yeah...don't think I have to worry about that particular problem." Harry commented.
Omake 5:
"Yeah, so then Padfoot just covered Thanos's head in the dirt, and that is the tale of how he defeated the mad titan." Harry said.
"Woof!" Padfoot barked.
"He wants a statue in his honor." Harry translated.
"A statue?" Tony asked. "I mean I suppose but..." Tony's objection was cut off by low growling from Padfoot. Tony, who remembered what happened to the last person who pissed off, decided to wisely forget any objections he might have had. "...perhaps one isn't enough. We need to go full out, at least ten."
"Ten? You're not a peasant Tony." Natasha commented.
Chapter 24 :
Omake 1:
"Thanos will kill him!" Steve hissed.
"If he manages to catch him." Natasha pointed out.
"Ha ha, kiss my ass bitch!" Peter yelled as he ran around with Thanos trying to grab him. "I'm immortal!"
"Wait...why does he think he's immortal?!" Tony demanded.
"To be honest, this is just a prank that went horribly wrong." Harry admitted.
Omake 2 :
"What plan have we come up with this time?" Barton asked Natasha.
"Simple," Natasha smirked. "I've slipped some Viagra pills in his coffee, when Harry drinks it he'll probably need a lot of help and then who should enter his eyeline but me."
"Right, just a quick question, which cup did you put it in?" Clint asked.
"The blue one, why?" She raised an eyebrow. Barton didn't respond and instead pointed to Tony who was drinking from it. "Oh shit."
"I should probably call Pepper." Barton sighed.
"Tell her to clear her schedule, there was a lot in there."
Omake 3:
"Damn," Natasha shivered. "I'm cold."
"Here." Harry said as he waved his wand and created a jacket for her.
"Thanks." Natasha smiled.
"The rest of us are cold too." Banner said as he gestured to himself and the other Avengers.
"Jeez Banner, I can't control the weather." Harry said in an exasperated voice.
Omake 4:
"He likes Milfs!" Natasha said as she quickly ran up to Barton.
"What?" Barton blinked.
"I am ninety percent sure that Harry likes milfs," Natasha replied. "best keep him away from your wife, but I need to get knocked up or at least adopt a child so I can qualify, can I borrow one of yours?" She asked in a hopeful voice.
"Nat..."
"Yeah..."
"You realize that you're crazy, right?"
Chapter 25 -
Omake 1:
"Okay," Pepper said as she stared down Natasha, "to sum up, you tried to give Harry Viagra which accidently got drank by Tony and that is why I am now pregnant?!" She demanded as she pointed to her stomach.
"Well not...yes, exactly that." Natasha nodded. "I'm sorry, I was just trying to get Harry to like me and nothing is working and..."
"Natasha! For god's sakes just ask him out! Forget, all the tricks and shit, just ask him out."
"Do you think that will work?"
"Yes!"
"Fine, I'll give it a try...by the way, what are you going to name the baby?"
"I'm thinking about Morgan if it's a girl."
"Can I be a godmother?" Natasha asked hopefully.
"What?"
"Hey, I was a part of the baby creating process.
(This omake was based off a review by spitfyre1 "XD and omake 2 is how Morgan was born!")
Omake 2 :
"Here you go." Loki said as he hands Harry and Natasha their drink.
"Hmm, thanks." Harry said as he and Natasha took their drinks. Both quickly drink them before heading for the exit.
"Ha, I poisoned both of you!" Loki cheered as he began drinking from his own cup.
"I'm immortal and immune to poison." Harry reminded him as he walked away.
"Oh and I swapped our cups when you weren't looking." Natasha said over her shoulder. Loki spat his drink out.
Omake 3 :
"I am inevitable!" Thanos said.
"Hi inevitable..." Tony replied.
"Oh fuck he's going to do it!" Harry gasped.
"I'm dad." Tony finished.
"NO!" Thanos screamed before dying.
"Dad jokes, always leave them dead." Tony smirked.
Omake 4 :
"If you kill a killer then the number of killers stay the same." Steve replied.
"Yeah but what if you kill two?" Harry countered.
"Harry..."
"I mean look at me, I've ripped eyes out and pulled out throats..."
"Harry..."
"I've cut off heads and exploded bodies and..."
"Harry..."
"There are far less killers in the world today because I killed them all and..."
"Harry!" Steve interrupted.
"What?" Harry asked, Steve then gestured to the council and cameras around them. "Oh...um...killing is bad."
"You saved it." Natasha whispered from the side.
Omake 5:
"Harry," Natasha said as she walked up to Harry, Harry who was talking with the other Avengers stopped and looked at her. "is there any chance that you can go on a date with me this Friday?" Harry stayed silent, all the over Avengers were looking at the two with hopeful looks, Clint was literally on his knees and praying. The silence kept going, Natasha was about to walk away when suddenly Harry spoke.
"Saturday." Harry replied.
"I beg your pardon?" She blinked.
"I'm busy Friday, can we do Saturday?" Harry asked.
"Um...yeah. That works." Natasha said calmly before she walked back to her room, she closed the door and looked up. "FINALLY!"