A deep feeling of dread pooled in Narcissa's, Harry's and the Grangers' stomachs as they sat in the waiting room. They were the only ones in the beige waiting room, save the ginormous Venus Fly Trap looking beast that was the receptionist, typing away on its keyboard with tiny vines. Squinting at it in an attempt to find out what it was called, Harry could barely make out Audrey II on its name tag.
As Harry sat there, his mind started to wander, which started filling his shaking body with anxiety.
"What's gonna happen to us? Are we going to be put in a prison of sorts? Will they tell Dumbledore? Are they going to separate me from Mum and Hermione!? NONONO!" Harry started internally panicking, his eyes widening as he started breathing erratically.
Sensing Harry's panic, Narcissa quickly pulled him to her side and hugged him, gently petting his head in an effort to comfort him, something that usually worked before.
"Whatever happens, they'll have to go through me before they can even think about touching you." She whispered. Harry didn't respond and continued shaking, either ignoring his mum or he was so deep in his panic that he didn't hear it.
Narcissa quickly got in front of him and knelt down in front of him as Hermione and her parents came over. Drawing him into a strong hug, Narcissa rubbed his back soothingly as she placed his head in the crook of her neck, ignoring the occasional tear falling down onto her. Narcissa drew Hermione into the hug as well when she came over, hugging Harry from behind and planting a quick kiss on the back of his head.
"Harry, I want you to listen to me right now. You are my son, and I love you with all my heart. I raised you like you were my own these past four years and you've turned into an exceptional young man. Better than what my other child from my old marriage would've been. I will never trade that for anything and I will do my DAMNED best to keep you safe, you understand me?" Narcissa reassured him, feeling him nod slowly.
"The representative of Eastern MACUSA is ready for you now. Please head down the hall, and it's the second door on the right." Audrey II said, gesturing to its right.
Casting a low powered wandless cheering charm on Harry, the group eventually made it to the representatives office: a nicely furnished room with various potted plants, a bookshelf on one side, a large fish tank with a small alligator inside on the other, and right there sitting behind his desk, a large window with a view of the city behind him, was the representative of Eastern MACUSA:
And he was a large, red headed Kappa named John C. Reilly. Taking a bite out of a cucumber, the visibly muscular turtle man twirled the cucumber expertly between his fingers, reminiscent of someone who was an expert knife wielder.
John C. Reilly the Kappa voiced by John C. Reilly
(Yes I know, real clever)
"Well, well, well, what do we have here? A bit far from home aren't ya? Well whatever the reason, let me officially welcome you to America! The Kappa greeted, getting up from his chair, standing at his full height of 6'2 and spreading his arms wide in welcome. Sitting back down, John furrowed his scaly brows at his British guests, averting his eyes from Narcissa's shapely body.
"Now, onto more important matters." He remarked. Opening a drawer in his desk, John fished through a couple files before he found the one he was looking for. Opening it, John began reading the files out loud.
"Location of Birth: Britain. Reason for visiting: removal of a 'Horcrux' and possible citizenship." John pinched the bridge of his beak in exasperation.
"The citizenship I can understand as Magical Europe is incredibly backwards, but a Horcrux? That has quite possibly the easiest solution you have. Let me ask you this Ms. Black? If a Horcrux grants immortality, how come Europe doesn't have a few dozen witches or wizards that never die? Surely one of them realized to hide the Horcrux somewhere nobody would ever find it?" John lectured, a smug look on his face.
"Well, all known Dark Lords and Ladies have been defea-. Oh, I see what you're saying now." Narcissa admitted, a bashful look on her face.
"Exactly, all KNOWN Dark Lords. Statistically, at least one, maybe two magicals realized, 'hey, why don't I keep quiet about this?' Considering there's no one who doesn't seem to die besides the Flamels, who are only delaying the aging process, Horcuxes do not grant immortality. Going further, considering Voldemort did not intend to make Mr. Potter a Horcrux, I'm willing to bet my left kidney he isn't even a proper Horcrux. A sliver of vestigial soul maybe, but a proper one? No chance." John said, chuckling at his joke about his kidney.
"Okay, that's the Horcrux and Voldemort problems solved, but that still doesn't explain why you don't help whenever a Dark Lord emerges in Europe." Hermione accused, shamelessly scratching her bum. Those chairs were uncomfortable damnit.
John sighed deeply, leaning back his chair, looking at the ceiling in thought before looking back down.
"Ms. Black, Mr. Potter, Dr. Grangers, and Miss Granger, I'll be honest with you: the only reason over 150 magical countries don't help Magical Europe whenever you get a 'Dark Lord' every 50 or so years is because their dumb asses are the ones making them! Hell, your Voldemort was made because the 'mighty Dumbledore' kept sending him back to an abusive orphanage despite the signs that the kid was screwed up and doing nothing. Even if they did take over your country, they would be so magically weak they'd be viewed as a minor inconvenience by other countries."
"Even if there wasn't any Dark Lords, the ones who run the country are a bunch of inbred, retarded racists that would treat Miss Granger like she was worth nothing and her parents as if they were animals. Hell, they can potion her into a loveless marriage against her will to some gluttonous, insensitive, jealous, emotionally abusive jackass who ALWAYS argues with her, does not respect her or beliefs and has some sick and twisted mindset that being a dick is romantic. He can publicly embarrass her in front of hundreds of people, emotionally devastate her by attacking her insecurities and just treat her as far below him as humanly possible while giving her the idea that he isn't and nobody would bat an eye."
Hermione's stomach rumbled ominously as her face took on a disgusted and horrified look.
"As for Mr. Potter, his name alone is practically worshipped by the moronic sheep of Magical Europe. Let me ask you this: how is a defenseless baby capable of stopping the Killing Curse, when every other experienced witch or wizard there couldn't?" John asked in a sarcastic tone, a seemingly bloodthirsty grin on his face as he leaned forward.
Harry adopted a thoughtful look for a second.
"I didn't stop the Killing Curse. I was probably sitting there, crying my arse off in a pair of nappies. Mum would tell Hermione and I stories of how my birth mum, or Lily Potter nee Evans, was considered an incredibly brilliant witch, so she HAD to have done something to stop Voldemort." Harry answered in a matter of fact tone, something he picked up from Hermione.
"Exactly. They'd rather credit what they term as a Half blood, AKA a Second Class citizen, than what they call a muggleborn, or Third Class citizen, and Harry would likely be worse off than an average Half Blood. Considering he's this mythological figure called The-Boy-Who-Lived, the one who stopped the unstoppable curse, they also assume that other magics cannot affect him for the most part. Be it the Imperius curse, Crucio, love potions, etc. They could potion him into loving a fangirl of some piss poor family and bring them out of poverty and nobody would do a thing about it. One, because he's The Boy Who Lived, so he can't be affected by Love Potion and it must obviously be of his own free will, and two, he's still a Half Blood, so even if he was potioned, nobody would do anything as he is a Second Class citizen."
Harry's skin paled and took on a greenish tone.
"Which brings me back around to the fact that magic is magic and the fact that they believe someone who has never even heard of magic is stealing it just proves my point. At this point we're just waiting for those incestuous murderers to wipe themselves out in a few decades at this rate." John ranted, leaning back in his chair and taking a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself from his tirade.
As John was calming himself, Harry and Hermione's thoughts were a maelstrom. This is what they would have gone into if Mom/Aunt Narcissa hadn't come into the picture? Trapped in torturess marriages with horrible people/fangirls? Not one person caring as they were less than equal despite one's status and accomplishments?
"Ummm, Mr. Reilly, is there a restroom near here?" Harry asked, as both he and Hermione were not feeling so well.
"Yes, I have a bathroom right there." John said, pointing opposite of the alligator tank.
Immediately, Harry and Hermione ran into the small room and shut the door with a loud SLAM. A few seconds later all the adults winced as they heard the two children violently retching, the unpleasant smell of vomit wafting over.
"Which is exactly why we've come over here for MACUSA's help Mr. Reilly." Narcissa asked.
For the next 10 minutes, Narcissa told John all about her vision of the future, from the multiple times Dumbledore endangered hundreds of children each year, the blatantly corruption of the government and when Voldemort was resurrected, the persecution of those born from non magicals in a manner like those of the Nazi's and how nobody did a thing about it. She even told him about what happened to Harry, Hermione and her parents and how Magical Europe was finally taken over by the rest of the world and set straight.
Narcissa pulled a handkerchief from her outfit and dabbed her eyes, wiping away the tears that formed, as reliving all of that horrible sequence was something she just couldn't stomach.
"Ms. Black, if you, Mr. Potter and The Grangers are willing to do a few things for MACUSA alongside the rest of the world, we are willing to accept you as a citizen of any country of your choosing." John said, take a deep breath.
"Unfortunately, we cannot persecute or even start investigating them as Dumbledore, we don't know how the fuck he did it, but he created a spell tied to the system that detects accidental magic in Europe, one that essentially makes almost all of Magical Europe his to command: so long as the system exists or he lives, we risk war with Magical Europe as 'Dumbledore can do no wrong'. So here's my offer: if you are willing to go to Hogwarts for a few years, document EVERY wrong thing that happens and either get all the First Gen/Muggleborns out of Europe, make it so Magical Europe can't function anymore or somehow stop that spell, we'd be will willing to set you up in vacant location of your choosing and cover all reasonable expenses for the rest of your lives. What do you say?" John asked, pulling out a stack of parchment and special looking pen, with Narcissa recognizing them as the Marriage Contracts.
"WE'LL DO IT!" Harry and Hermione shouted. Listening through the door after emptying their stomachs, the duo were elated that there was a chance to ruin the society that would've trapped them in a living hell. Not even thinking, Harry and Hermione rushed forward and signed the contracts, both of them putting their name on each contract.
They could be forgiven, as they thought it was a few contracts to do as John asked them, not a few Marriage Contracts.
Everyone except John or Narcissa gave a small jump as the contracts vanished into thin air, a few sprinkles of silver dust dissolving into the air. Annoyed, Narcissa brought a hand to her temple and began to massage it.
"Harry, Hermione, I love you both so much, yet despite how smart you both are, you really need to stop at times and think before you do things. Congratulations, you're BOTH getting married to four other women." Narcissa stated in a disappointed tone before she started chuckling a little bit. After a few seconds she turned back to John.
"Well since they're obviously on board with this, would it be possible to get some sort of tutoring? Like you said earlier, Magical Europe is backwards in comparison to the rest of the magical world, so you must have better magic right? Narcissa asked, a terrifying glint in her eyes.
"Far more advanced and I see where you're going with this and I'm all for it. LETS GO! THE FASTER WE TEACH THOSE TWO KIDS THE FASTER MAGICAL EUROPE FALLS!" John cried in joy, rushing out the door, parents in tow. However, in their haste, they forgot said kids, who simply stood there.
"We're getting married to four unknown women." The duo muttered, simply standing there as they couldn't concentrate on anything else.
AN: Not sorry for how Harry and Hermione reacted to their canon selves but I believe it's a realistic portrayal. Imagine, you have all these hopes and dreams but it turns out you'll be married to your worst bully disguising themselves as a friend, or an obsessive fangirl.
Realistically, I think the only reason Harry and Hermione consider Ron a good friend is because they have nothing else to compare it to. If your first friend was a bad friend, you wouldn't know. I've met kids from bad households growing up nicer than Ron is.
I unfortunately cannot write angst all that well.
As for the Hinny pairing, I'm indifferent to it, leaning towards dislike. I feel, for the most part, that she's a Mary Sue with minimal flaws designed to suit Harry. There are a few red flags I can think of, such as her letting him do things without really attempting to stop him, no matter how dangerous they are. I don't know about you guys, but if I was going to do something that was likely dangerous, I'd at least like them to attempt to stop me.
IIRC, she even said she never really got over her crush on him.In my honest opinion, there's a HUGE difference between never losing a crush on the average person, which Harry isn't, and someone is probably the most famous person in the world, which Harry is.
This is a fangirl, who had a crush on someone she's never even met for years, and even said she never lost the crush. Fucking creepy. Along with that, she said that she knew he wouldn't be happy unless he was fighting Voldemort. Bitch, this is the megalomaniac that has people fearing his very name, essentially rules Magical Britain with little resistance, all the while he barely has any magical training. 99/100 times he would've died to Voldemort. She overall gives off the vibe that she still sees Harry as The-Boy-Who-Lived.
Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the spin on marriage contracts I did. Based on memory, Andromeda was set to marry another pureblood but chose Ted instead. If the marriage contract made it so there was no choice, there's no way Andromeda could've married Ted. So instead, I've opted to make it so the recipients of the contract have to sign it, as they're the ones who are getting married. If they don't agree, they're kicked out of the family or house. Soulmates don't negate the contract when signed either.
Also, I've heard a new argument against Harmony, and it's honestly the saddest one yet.
During the 'Bonded for Life' moment, when Hermione looked directly at Harry, she thought he was Ron, despite Ron being right next to her. This is absolutely the saddest attempt I've seen yet. Grasping for straws.