A/N: Thanks Everyone for your comments, favs and follows. Couldn't do this without you!
Please enjoy this next installment! IMPORTANT A/N At the Bottom. PLEASE READ!
Maggie scrubbed her hands furiously as she watched Amelia through the window work on the prone patient before her. She tried to clear her head and focus on the situation but her last surgery with Grey still left her feeling raw. After a final rinse, she barged through the doors. "Dr. Shepherd, how are we doing here?"
Amelia nodded, "Pretty good," she said in her characteristic drawl. "You came just in time, I opened up right to the T2 for you, but you should probably take over from here."
Maggie looked at the incision, the pulsing aneurysm that she would have to delicately transverse from one area to another would require extreme care. "Prepare for bypass. Pick-ups," she said. As her hand lowered to the artery, she felt a tremor.
"Dr. Pierce? You okay?" Amelia asked, noticing the tremor. Her blue eyes leaked concern as she glanced back up at Maggie.
Maggie huffed into her mask and put the tool down. "I- I just need a minute."
"No rush..." Amelia said. "Seriously... are you going to be able to do this?"
"I'm terribly sorry... It's just that last surgery with Grey threw me off. She blatantly ignored me when I told her we needed that echo... she snapped at me in front of Chief Hunt and- I don't know what's gotten into me- I turned into Mr. Hyde or something in that OR. What the hell does she have against me? I tried to be nice!"
Amelia's laughter was odd and disconcerting. "I would've paid to have seen that!" she chuckled.
"It's not funny." Maggie said darkly. The whole situation was unproffessional. She'd never worked with someone so- so... bitter? Angry?
"Oh..." Amelia said. "I get it... you got bit by the Dark and Twisty..."
"Dark and twisty?" Maggie asked. The staff at this hospital had so many inside jokes and terms it was ridiculous.
"Look, I get it... Mer snapped at me too when we first met, and that was at Derek's funeral." Amelia continued with her incision, gently widening the space in the man's spine. "You're all smiles and cheer. That just doesn't jibe with her right now. It's just- when you've lost as much as she has, you tend not to care so much about getting to know people, because who knows? Maybe you'll just lose them again."
Maggie sighed. It was possible Amelia was right. "Retractor," she called. But Meredith was her sister, she'd have to tell her eventually. And then what? Would she get a chance to know her... and by extension Ellis, her biological mother?
But then Amelia winked at her. "Doesn't mean you should give up though," she said.
xxx
Meredith rubbed her hip absently as she entered the dressing room. She picked up the patient's chart and began her notes. The autotransplant had been a success, she was very thankfull. The patient had been a little tachycardic and his blood pressure was still everywhere, but it should resolve with time. She sat down slowly on the bench, willing muscle and bone to give in a little. She was so tired.
"You okay, Grey?" Hunt asked.
"Fine... a little sore," she replied, handing him the tablet for his signature. She prepared herself for a reprimand for her behavior earlier.
"You did good in there," Hunt said instead, which surprised her. He sat beside her and tapped a few commands on the tablet.
She did good? Yeah right. Besides giving the patient a reason not to fight, she also nearly lost a kidney and snapped at the new Chief of Cardio. She felt crappy. "I don't feel like it."
"Grey... that was excellent work. Top notch." Owen said calmly.
She knew he meant it too... if only she would believe him.
He blinked, and ran a hand under his thin beard, "Wait- you think this has something to do with what happened in the CT room?"
She swallowed. "I practically gave him a reason to die. He's going to fight us every step of the way of his recovery. I should know, I did." She stood up slow, ignoring her protesting bones and wiped her eyes. "I gotta go, Edwards is on his post-op care. Have her page me when he wakes up."
"Meredith..." Owen called after her.
But she ignored him and walked away, her mind drifting to something she wished she could forget.
Four years ago:
The grey fog was lifting. She'd been hearing snippets of conversation. Noises, shuffling and scuffing. Beeping. Paper crinkling. Consciousness was returning to her. Why was she here? Everything was so peaceful before... but she'd been pushed. Now she felt sore and claustrophopic and... empty.
"Hmmm" she sighed loudly. Her throat hurt, her right hand felt warm and heavy, there was something around her mouth. "Ohhh," she moaned. She tried to move her hand, but it was dead weight. She was so weak. Her fingers twitched instead, her eyelids fluttered.
Meredith opened her eyes, revealing a dim room. Machines beeped around her. What happened? Her gaze drooped and followed her right arm to the sweaty paw had been covering hers. A sleeping Lexie, her head resting on her arm as her other hand clutched hers.
Meredith turned her head and swallowed, she didn't want to wake her sister just yet. She was so thirsty... Was that an oxygen mask over her mouth? She tried to lift her arm again, but it failed to obey her commands. But, something felt wrong. Meredith couldn't feel the baby inside of her anymore. She looked down, her pumpkin sized bump was gone
Baby... I had a baby... Meredith thought. Where's the baby? She looked around the room for it. What was wrong? Something was wrong.
Sudden alarm flooded her. "Lex-ie," she mumbled through her mask. "Lex," she tried again. The monitors started to beep a little faster, a little louder. She tried to move her arm again, "Babe..."
Her fingers under Lexie's hand twtiched, but Lexie showed no response. "Baby," Meredith managed with a gasp. Her voice was hoarse and raw, her throat burned but she didn't care. "Where's..." she whispered. The machines beeped faster now, Meredith on the edge of a panic attack.
She felt empty and sore and... Meredith couldn't control her breathing anymore. Her baby! She struggled to move again. Lexie's head snapped up, the sudden change in the monitors alerting her to Meredith's situation.
"Meredith!" Lexie squeaked, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Oh, God you're awake!" But Meredith was lost in a haze, panicking, struggling for breath and oblivious. Her face was covered in tears as she struggled to speak.
"Meredith," Lexie said, catching on to her distress, "What's wrong?" Her eyes darted to the monitors and back at Meredith, examining her symptoms. Meredith's hands twitched, and she gasped for air. "You're having a panic attack, you need to calm down." Lexie reached above her to press a call button.
"What in the world is going on in here Grey?" Bailey's voice demanded.
Meredtih turned her face toward her resident and her heartbeat slowed a little. Bailey would tell her. She would get her baby for her... but she couldn't breathe, what was wrong with this mask? She couldn't breathe!
Bailey grabbed Meredith's left hand. "Grey," she said, her brown intense gaze bored into her own. "Grey, breathe. You need to breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Breathe."
Meredith obeyed. Bailey was right, she had to calm down. She wanted to see her baby. She didn't know what was wrong or how she got here and she needed answers. She breathed long deep breaths although her chest and throat burned with the effort. In... Out, she breathed, three- four- five times, until the panic subsided. With her eyes, she pleaded at Bailey.
Bailey looked at Lexie, then at the ceiling, as if she was gathering strength from nothingness. She swallowed and uttered a prayer that Meredith couldn't decipher. "Meredith. You were in an accident. You were severely injured... And I... I am so, so sorry, but... the doctors at Dillard said your baby died shortly after she was delivered."
Meredith blinked.
"Did you hear me?" Bailey asked. Her voice cracked and she squeezed Meredith's hand harder.
"But she was kicking..." Meredith said. Pumpkin was in her belly, kicking. And then-
"Meredith-" Bailey licked her lips, as if struggling to tell her again what happened
"No... no no no," Meredith whimpered, fogging up the mask. Her fingers scrunched the sheets, she shook her head. It couldn't be... "No! No!"
"I'm sorry," Bailey said, stroking Meredith's hair over and over again. "I'm so, so, sorry..."
On the other side of Meredith, Lexie clutched her sister's hand as Meredith sobbed. "Shouldn't we sedate her?" she asked.
But it didn't matter, in a few minutes, Meredith's grief sapped her strength, and she fell into a tortured sleep.
Meredith's head snapped up at the sound of her pager. It was Alex. What did he want? She sighed and picked herself up off the floor of the supply room where she'd taken refuge. "Ow," she said. The floor was hard and uncomfortable place.
Her gait was stiff as she made her way into the elevator. She pressed the button for the peds floor and leaned against the wall as the door closed. But an arm shot in to stop the doors from closing.
"Dr. Grey?" Dr. Pierce slid in and stood beside her.
Crap. Meredith pinched the bridge of her nose. "Please, not now Dr. Pierce," she said, trying not to look at the woman. She'd snapped at April, she nearly screwed up the surgery, she'd snapped at Pierce and Edwards... she was probably going to eat Alex for dinner because she suspected him of hovering... and now she was trapped. With the cardio chief. Cristina's replacement, Mrs. Bright and Shiny.
"You can call me Maggie," Pierce said lightly.
Which meant what? She still wanted to be friends? I don't want to, Meredith thought, because that means I have to get to know you... and if I know you...
"Dr. Hunt said our patient pulled through." Maggie continued, keeping things on an even keel.
"Yeah." Meredith looked up above the elevator door, two more floors to go. If she wasn't so sore, she'd get off now and take the stairs. Instead she bit her lip and crossed her arms, resisting the urge to snark or spit or punch her in the face.
"I heard your Autotransplant was excellent."
"Yeah, sure." Would she just shut up? Meredith sighed.
"I was wonder-"
No. No, she couldn't continue this conversation, "Dr. Pierce," Meredith started. She had to do this before she got too grouchy and bit Maggie's head off. "I'm having a really bad day. I'm sore and tired. I did what I thought was best for the patient, and I don't want to argue about it. I really can't talk nice right now...so-"
Thank God the elevator door opened. Meredith pushed herself off the wall and hobbled out, leaving Maggie perplexed as the door closed.
xxx
Lexie had tracked Owen to the ICU. She had to hand in her resignation. She saw him bent over a tablet outside a patient's room. Edwards was inside, doing the usual post-op checks.
"Chief Hunt," Lexie said formally tapping the letter she'd typed this morning.
"Dr. Grey," he replied, still focused on the chart in front of him.
"Um, my resignation," she said as she handed him the letter.
"Oh," he glanced briefly at the letter, before looking back at her, "So you accepted the fellowship."
"Yeah, I'm leaving in a week."
Owen nodded and sighed. "Well... it was great working with you Lexie. You've grown into a great surgeon, and a wonderful person." He offered his hand for her to shake.
"Oh, um... thank you?" Lexie squeaked as she shook his hand. His remark caught her off guard.
Owen's lips quirked into a half smile.
Lexie sighed and nodded, she was about to turn and leave when a thought occurred to her. "Can I ask you something... kinda personal? About Cristina?
xxx
"What do you have for me?" Meredith approached Alex at the Peds desk.
"Took you long enough," Alex said, "I've been paging you for half an hour." He sounded grumpy, as he got up from his seat.
She bit back a retort, "Long surgery." Meredith muttered instead. "So... what is it?" She tried to keep her tone light and curious, she'd probably be working with a kid, and Dark and Twisty didn't have a place in Peds.
"Four-year old girl. Burns, UTI, started her on antibiotics..." He put his hand on the small of her back and guided her to the patient's room.
Nothing he said sounded surgical. Why was she here? "And..." Meredith prompted.
"And nothing, she's fine otherwise, except she wont eat." Alex handed her the chart.
"So... bowel obstruction? Possible appendicitis?" Loss of appetite could mean anything, especially in a child. She swiped through the chart, looking for clues. Oh... this was the housefire girl she'd heard about. So sad. But other than the bladder infection, nothing unusual popped up.
Alex stopped her outside the curtain. He pursed his lips, tilted his head to the side a little.
Meredith stood there, perplexed. "Alex, what's going on?"
Her 'Person' sighed, "look Mer, you wanna be a mom? Here's your chance for some practice. Anna's a foster kid, they're waiting on a new place for her. In the meantime, she won't eat and she's lonely." He pulled the curtain open, revealing a tiny little girl in Princess Pony PJ's. Her dark curly hair dipped just below her shoulders. A coloring book rested on the rolling table over her bed, and she was scribbling quite furiously on the open page.
Anna looked up, a little startled. "Hey, I'm busy here," she said before she tucked her chin in and continued coloring.
"Alex..." Meredith pulled the curtain closed. She didn't want to do this right now. She was tired and sore and crabby. Now she had to deal with a four-year-old?
"Dr. Yang's orders," Alex said. He snatched her pager off the waistband of her pants. "Give me your phone too."
"What? Alex, please... I have a critical patient-" She was a doctor, not a freakin babysitter.
But he grabbed her arm and pulled her aside. "So do I, Mer. You." He whispered sharply in her ear. "You snapped at Kepner this morning, and I heard what happened with Dr. Pierce. You need this, Mer, a different perspective, hope... Something." Alex took the chart from her.
"But-" She looked at the girl, then back at Alex.
"An hour, okay? Take her to the cafeteria, get her to eat. Talk to her, I don't care. Your patient will be fine, I already checked with Hunt." He stood there, arms crossed, not taking no for an answer.
"Fine." Meredith huffed. "You owe me." She handed him her phone.
"Fine," Alex said. He turned around and headed back toward the nurses station.
Meredith stared at the curtain. Stupid Alex. If he thought this would fix her, he was a long way off... but whatever, she was tired of people on her back today. Kids, she could do kids right? One kid. She could do one kid for an hour? She pulled the curtain open. "Hi, Anna," she said softly. Anna looked up at her for a minute, and she was startled by her eyes. They had the same color eyes.
xxx
**IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!**
A/N: Okay... on another note- I am about to do a risky thing... I am going to see what the readers think about Zola. While in my head, I originally have it set-up that Arizona and Callie adopt her... some fans have expressed a different opinion.
So, I have set up a poll on my profile page, it's at the very top. You have to sign in to answer the poll. If you are a guest, please leave a review to express your thoughts. The options are- McSlexie, Calzona, or Meredith. I think I've established that Anna is Meredith's child, she just doesn't know it yet... Can Meredith handle another kid?
I can't garantee that I will write according to the Poll's results, as I tend to write where my heart takes me... but you are my audience, and so you can at least have a say.
Thanks!