A/N: So I had to take a bit of a brain break... for awhile, but now I'm back! Don't worry, no intention of abandoning this story...
Thanks to iceiceiceiceice, mandyg67, roganjalex, Patsy, MusicWithinMe, greysfannn and gale123 for your reviews! Last chapter was great to write! Glad I made you laugh!
This takes place a couple days later...
Enjoy!
"Well? What do you think?" Alex gestured to the forth story loft as he held Jo's hand, pulling her in further. He watched her carefully for any reaction, she seemed hesitant at first, but the light reflecting in her hazel eyes was hopeful. The last three places they'd checked out, she'd seemed unexcited about, and this one was the last on the list. He honestly didn't really care too much about where they lived, as long as it was with her. He'd told her as much, but still Jo was... undecided.
He watched as she let go of his hand and stepped inside the large space. Light streamed in through a skylight and a large window that led to a balcony. Nothing was defined here, there was a small raised area with a counter and cabinetry against the wall for a kitchen area but other than that... they could make it into anything they wanted.
He thought about the lego model he'd presented her. This wasn't house with a yard and a garage... but it was a start, and it meant something, it was a step forward with their relationship. Alex couldn't help but feel anxious as he watched her. "It's uh, open concept. We could make it into anything..." he started.
"Anything..." Jo repeated.
"Yeah, you know... maybe we could put the bedroom here," he pointed, "Or..." he looked around and moved closer to the large window, but Jo grabbed his hand and spun him toward her.
On her tip toes, Jo kissed him before he could get another word out- "Mm," was all he could say.
"I think... this one." Jo said.
"I think so too." He leaned his forehead on hers.
xxx
"...and 'en she barfed on me." Maggie slurred to the bartender. "M'new sissster is a-a acka ack-o-lic." She pushed her shot glass for him to refill.
He eyed it warily... "And you're not?" he asked.
"Me? Nooooo. Imma cylon!" Maggie banged her fist on the table, knocking her empty glass over. "Imma alien, and this-" she pointed down with her index finger and made a circling gesture, "Is Galactica!" Even sitting down, she swayed. God, she was drunk... she hadn't been this drunk since... ever.
Meredith had called her a liar. After she barfed on her. She said she didn't remember her mother being pregnant. She demanded to know what she wanted from her.
"Okay," He picked up her glass and dropped it in the bin for dirty dishes while wiping the table in front of her. "I think I'm gonna have to cut you off..."
"No... I need tequila! D'ya know, Imma chief of cardio-thor-ass-sick surgergery. I ssave lives! I fix hearts, solve puzzuzles!" Dammit, she just wanted to know about her mother. She just wanted to feel a connection.
"You probably need to be sober to do that."
"Yer prably verry right sirrr" she pointed at him. "But why'd I c'mere? From Boston ofall places... coulda jusst stayed home. Pepple love me there... everabody loves me there... Not here... now they just av- avoid me." Since the secret came out, Meredith avoided her like the plague and while Webber was nice, he didn't quite know what to do with the sudden appearance of a daughter, so there was always a constant awkwardness.
"Well maybe your new sister just doesn't know what to do with you... or embarrased for puking on you."
"You are absoblutely right! no'ne knows what t'do with me..."
"You should eat something, have you eaten something?" He pushed a dish of peanuts toward her.
"Mebbe I'll have some wings..." The wings were good here, she remembered.
"Okay, when you sober up a little I'll call you a cab."
"Notta cab... Imma cylon." Maggie fumbled with a peanut, trying to crack it open. Dammit! She almost cursed out loud when she dropped it on the floor instead.
xxx
April clutched her husband's hand as she knocked on the door. She was nervous of course, but Meredith had called out of the blue and asked them to come over, and she couldn't exactly refuse the offer to make amends.
Jackson rubbed her shoulders and kissed her forehead.
"This is good right? It's good?" April asked.
"Yeah... it'll be fine." He smiled.
The door opened, and Meredith appeared, "Hey," she said, giving a small smile. "Um, come in..."
"Thanks." April said. They stepped in and stood awkwardly at the threshold.
Meredith closed the door behind them and leaned against it. She sighed heavily and pushed her bangs out of her eyes. "I was going through some things after Lexie left and... well, I still have a crib and onsies and infant stuff..." Meredith swallowed. "I don't think I'll be having babies anytime soon, so... do you guys wanna take a look and see if there's anything you need?"
The request shocked April. She gaped. Jackson squeezed her hand. "What? Meredith?" she asked. But when she saw the pleading look in Meredith's eyes, she nodded. They followed her up the stairs to the room that would've been the baby's nursery. She remembered, she'd helped decorate it.
A pang of sadness hit her when Meredith opened the door, revealing the lavender painted room. An unfinished crib rested against one wall, and a few boxes of items were placed along another wall and on a change table. Unopened baby shower gifts also lined the room. It was exactly as she'd left it four years ago. "Mer..." April sighed softly, rubbing her small bump.
"You know, maybe you could take it all? Even if you have a boy... could you just take it? Donate it to Pead's or whatever?"
April bit her lip. It sounded like she was giving up hope. But it was Jackson who nodded and sighed, "Of course," he said softly, his eyes intent and reasuring.
"I'm... just- I'll be downstairs. If you need anything." Meredith pointed down the hall.
April stared at the room, a tumble of thoughts and feelings roaring in her mind.
xxx
"What is CDH and how is it treated?" Callie asked, sipping her wine.
"Oh, that is so easy..." Arizona stated. "Congenital diaphragmatic hernia. The diaphragm doesn't develop properly and the abdominal organs may enter the chest cavity through a hole, causing pulmonary hyperplasia-"
"This occurs in..."
Arizona's mind rolled through the facts... "Um... one in every two-thousand births."
"And treated by..."
"Fetoscopic temporary tracheal occlusion." Arizona recalled. "The trachea is temporarily blocked by a small balloon to trap fluid in the lungs. Buildup of the fluid enlarges the lungs and stimulates their growth, pushing any abdominal organs that have moved into the chest cavity back into the abdomen," she stated, gesturing with her hands. "The occlusion is removed immediately after birth of the baby. The procedure is performed endoscopically."
"Wow, thats the tenth one in a row..." Callie beamed at her wife.
"Yeah, well now my head hurts."
"Well, I guess you deserve a break..."
"Oh, I deserve a break, do I?" she flirted.
"Hmm, maybe a small one..." Callie smiled back. She put down her flash cards and settled on the loveseat beside her wife. Seeing the look in Callie's eyes, Arizona leaned in to kiss her passionately. She smiled, Callie's lips tasted like cherry.
"Mama!" Sofia called, running into the room.
"Oh sweetie, come here," Arizona stretched her arms to her daughter. Sofia settled quickly into her lap and Arizona pulled her close, smelling the sweet smell of her coconut shampoo.
The three of them settled close together, Callie stroking Sofia's fine black hair. "So... you still want to do this? Adopt Zola?"
"Why not?" Arizona asked. But her voice lacked the usual enthusiasm. "She'd be almost the same age as Sofia, maybe she would like having a sister."
"It's just..." Callie trailed off.
"What?" She regretted the wariness in her voice.
"She'll be four years old, and she has spina bifida. That's a lot of responsiblity don't you think? And with your fellowship with Herman? I mean, she expects a lot out of you."
Arizona sighed, "Callie... I-" She wanted to give Callie what she wanted. Callie wanted a baby, and she wanted to believe that she did too... but-
Her pager beeped. She picked it up. 9-1-1 Zola. "It's Zola, I gotta go." She said, handing Sofia off to Callie.
"Arizona!"
"We'll talk about this, I promise." She grabbed her jacket and was out the door.
xxx
Amelia stared at the mess of the brain in front of her. "Dammit," she muttered as another vessel started to bleed. "How's it going down there?" she asked Owen, who was working to salvage the man's spleen.
"Not good." He replied seriously.
"I know what you mean."
"Motorcycle, meet telephone pole." Brooks added.
"More like, head meet telephone pole at sixty miles an hour..." Amelia said as she worked.
"So how are you?" asked Owen.
"Huh?"
"I mean we..." He cleared his throat. "The other night, you and I..."
"Oh that..." and she couldn't help but feel the flush of her cheeks. She was thankful she had a mask on. She cleared her throat, she hadn't spoken to Owen since then, except for work stuff. "I... um uh..."
"Oh, you guys totally made out didn't you?" Brooks exclaimed, looking between them.
Amelia glanced up at Owen and knew he was blushing under his mask too.
"Brooks," he warned.
"What? Everybody's been either grumpy or avoidy, and you two-"
"Brooks, shut up." Amelia snapped.
"I just think at least somebody should be happy, jeez." She muttered as she returned to suctioning.
Happy, right. Amelia thought. When was the last time she'd been happy? Really happy? And not a mess that she was trying to cover up with a smile and sarcastic joke. The last time? When she forgot everything around her... and everything felt... good and safe and just... nice.
She managed a quick look at Owen, who was swearing at the spleen. When she kissed him. That's when.
But she was a mess. Barely holding herself together after her failed engagement and death of her baby. Still struggling with the unresolved relationship with dead Derek, and trying not to step on Meredith's toes at her house.
She was a mess. She didn't want to be with someone while she was a mess, did she?
"Pupil's blown," Brooks called suddenly.
Dammit.
xxx
Meredith waited anxiously on the couch. Waited for them to leave. She rubbed her thighs and let out a breath. Jackson had come down the stairs with the crib a few minutes ago, and since returned back up. She heard them talking softly upstairs, and tried to ignore it. On the coffee table, Alex had left her a brochure for Seattle family services. There was something else there too, the picture Anna had colored for her.
She'd barely looked at it before, but this morning she found it in her labcoat pocket. And while she was on the elevator, she'd pulled it out just to see...
It was a picture of a girl on a swing being pushed by her mother. It was as she'd dreamed twice now.
She couldn't get Anna out of her head. Could she do it? Be a mother? She'd been ready to try four years ago. She'd been ready... she wanted to. But now April and Jackson were taking the last of the baby stuff, making room for...
For maybe.
She picked up the brochure, reading the phone number again. In her other hand she clenched the phone.
But maybe she was too dark and twisty. She barfed on her supposed sister and called her a liar. She worked eighty hour weeks. She couldn't do this could she? Be a mom? Be all tender and loving? Be anti Ellis?
"Meredith?" April's face came into her vision.
"Huh?"
"We're all done," she said.
"Oh." Meredith said.
"We took all of it, except... well I couldn't take this." April handed her a worn brown teddy bear. It was Derek's bear. Carolyn had left it here after her accident. 'Perhaps one day...' she'd said.
"Okay." She rasped as she stared at the bear, glad April left it. It was really something of Derek's.
April sat beside her. "Are you okay?" she asked.
She couldn't move or think as she stared at the bear. She still had the blanket too. She slept with it last night. Maybe that was why she had the dream...
"Meredith?"
"Do you think... I mean... would I have been a good mom?" Meredith asked. "If-"
"Of course," April said automatically. Which wasn't exactly what she wanted.
"Don't placate me Kepner..." she said.
"No, I mean it. I really do." April patted her knee.
"How do you know?"
"Hey. You convinced me that I could do it. I was considering adoption because Jackson was afraid what his mom would think, but then you told me how badly you wanted to love your child when it was born. You wanted to take her to the zoo, and read her bedtime stories and play dolls and everything. You said she was a piece of you and Derek and you wanted to love her so badly..."
"But if I adopt... I mean, she won't be related to me..."
"Meredith, you should know better than anyone that a family is often made, not born. I mean, half the hospital is sorta your family. You just take in strays and you always look out for them, this isn't any different."
"It's not?"
"Meredith, you can do this, okay? If you really want to be a mom... you have my support, I think you'd be a great mom."
Meredith sized up Kepner and then looked at the brochure a new confidence filled her, stoking her desire to finally be bright and shiny. "Okay. Thank you."
"Okay." April said. She stood up to leave when Meredith suddenly felt the need to do something.
"April... Can I-" she glanced at her small baby bump.
"Yes," April smiled, turning to face her.
Meredith stood and carefully felt April's bump, remembering her own pregnancy. At the time, her baby had been practically her best friend.
"Thanks April," she said. "I think... maybe you might be right. Maybe I'll try."
"It's a start right?" April said as she picked her jacket off the couch and set off for the foyer.
"Yeah." Meredith said, watching her go.
She sat down on the couch, picked up the phone, and dialed. After being transferred around, she finally got to Anna's social worker.
"Hi," she rasped, thrumming with nervous energy. "Um... This is Meredith Grey... I was wondering about a little girl you have under your care? Anna Forester?"
xxx
"Where's Alex?" Arizona demanded as she waited for the chopper.
"He was called into another trauma." Edwards shouted over the roar of the blades.
"Okay, well page Amelia, we're going to need to do a shunt repair."
"She's busy too, Motorcycle accident."
"Dammit!" Her mind raced. She needed someone who could cut into a brain and Lexie was gone... Wait- "Page Grey 9-1-1, I need someone with neuro experience, NOW!"
"You got it," Edwards said, reaching for her phone.
A/N: Thanks for your patience everyone! Please review!