A/N: Thanks Everybody! Special thanks to Patsy, roganjalex, and mandyg67 for your reviews!
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Jo sighed as she sipped her beer. The house was empty for once. Grey had been paged to the hospital, and Amelia was still there... Alex too had been paged, and that left her and the big house. She idly flipped through the channels on the television but found nothing that caught her interest. She smiled anyway... it'd been a good day, and they made an offer on the loft that she hoped would go through.
She was thankful, so thankful that Alex was in her life and that there was a possiblility of something more. Maybe a dog... she wasn't ready for kids yet. A future though... she was starting to see a future with this man that she never thought possible. God, who woulda thought the underdog from the streets could have this life now?
Humming, she walked into the kitchen and noticed that a message was left on the phone. She pressed the play button.
"Hello, this is Fred Martin calling for Alex Karev... uh you need to call me right away, it's about Amber..."
Okay... Jo thought, as she jotted down Fred's number, that was weird. What was up with Amber? Wasn't that Alex's little sister? She hoped everything was okay. With that thought, she sent off a quick text to Alex, knowing he probably was too busy to answer.
She was staring at the small tubs of ice cream in the freezer when the doorbell rang.
Who could that be? Nobody rang the doorbell anymore. Jo huffed and walked slowly to the door. "God, I'm coming..." she muttered when it rang again and again and again...
But she was shocked when she saw who was at the door. "What are you doing here?"
xxx
Maggie swallowed as she stood in front of the door to Meredith's house. Why was she here again? It didn't help that she was a little drunk...
She pushed the doorbell again and again. Meredith. She was gonna confront her. Maggie Pierce was not a liar... Ellis Grey was her mother and that was final. She was gonna figure this puzzle out even if it meant she had to Bring the Thunder.
The door opened and she blinked when a resident answered, what was her name again? Wilma? Watson? Whatever.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"Is Meredith here?" Maggie asked.
"She got paged." Watson said, not budging at the door.
Maggie swayed slightly. She was sober dammit! "Okay..." she said, feeling the Thunder die away. Crap. How embarassing. She squirmed. "Do you mind if I use the bathroom?"
Wilbur rolled her eyes, "Whatever," she said like an apathetic teenager as she stepped back to let her in.
"Thanks... oh God, I didn't know how long I'd been holding it in."
Wilma made a face. "Under the stairs," she gestured.
Maggie wasted no time as she bolted to the bathroom and closed the door. When she was finished, she quietly exited and reached for her phone to call a cab. Then she stopped. Wait a second... this wasn't just Meredith's house, it was Ellis' house. Her mother's house. She leaned over and poked her head down the hall. Winnie was watching TV... maybe she could just... have a little look around. There was a room right beside the stairs, the light was still on. She stepped in... it appeared to be a den. There was a bunch of boxes here and there, and one wall had a large bookshelf full of medical books. But it was one small dusty photo album that got her attention.
She picked it up and flipped through it. An old picture of a baby in a dress in a crib, another one of a toddler looking up at her father in front of a frosted cupcake with a single candle in it. More baby pictures... Then she saw a picture of who must have been Ellis nearly thirty years ago, wearing a white coat and stethoscope. Maggie traced the picture with her fingertips. Ellis looked so focused and determined. On the other side, a picture of that same Ellis with little Meredith and her father in front of a tree. Meredith in a wagon.
She sighed as she slammed the album shut. This was stupid... she shouldn't be snooping. She was not a snooper... As Maggie picked up the Album to put it back, a picture slipped out. She bent to pick it up, and gasped. An obviously pregnant Meredith smiled back at her from the picture.
But Meredith didn't have any kids, did she?
Feeling like she'd invaded on something deeply private, she tucked the picture back in and went to leave the room.
Except Wilson was there in front of her... Crap.
"Uh..." Maggie started.
"You know, I was kinda on your side after Grey barfed on you, but now I'm not so sure..."
"Listen, Watson..."
"Wilson."
"Wilson. It was stupid, I know... it's just... I don't feel like I belong... and- I" she shook her head. "I'll just- I should- I think I'll just go." She pushed past the young resident and reached for the doorknob.
"Wait." Wilson said, and Maggie stopped. "I know you're not a liar..."
"Oh."
"It's just... maybe you need to show her some proof."
Proof? like her birth certificate maybe? "She said she didn't remember her mother being pregnant..." Maggie said, turning around.
Williams played with her fingers, "Yeah, but... people block stuff out. Kids block stuff out..."
Maggie considered it. It was possible maybe, but...
"Look, from what I hear, Ellis left Seattle pretty suddenly. Even after she got nominated, she was gone like a shot. Doesn't that sound weird to you?"
Like maybe she found out she was pregnant?
"Do you have a computer around here? I have an idea." Maggie asked.
xxx
Four years ago:
Meredith lay uncomfortably in her bed. It'd only been a week since she'd woken up from her 'coma.' She was slowly getting better, even though she didn't really feel like it. She'd actually eaten something today which was good... even better then puking it up. She just couldn't get rid of the emptiness. Now alone, truly alone, she missed Derek more than ever. And pumpkin.
A noise got her attention and she turned her head to the door. Cristina walked in. Meredith didn't bother greeting her. She just sighed.
"Get up," Cristina said.
"No." She didn't want to move. Or think. Or breathe.
"C'mon. Callie said you need to walk more if you want to get discharged. So get up."
"No." She just wanted to lay here.
"C'mon, three is doing a shunt surgery... you should come and watch."
"No." She just wanted to forget the world.
Cristina sighed and sat down at the foot of the bed. "I get it. You've lost more... than anyone ever should. I know. But I'm not letting you lose yourself. I'm not. I can't lose you okay? I just can't. And you still have Lexie, but she's been mopey because of what happened to you and she could really use a big sister right about now... so you are going to get up, and we are going to hobble over to OR one and eat popcorn and watch a shunt surgery on a little girl that Karev brought in from freaking Africa because he's trying to win Chief Resident... so get up Mer!"
Meredith sighed. She knew Cristina wouldn't leave her alone unless she gave her a little something. "Okay..." she muttered.
Cristina's expression brightened immediately. "Great!" She moved off the bed and brought the walker over. Meredith carefully edged off the bed and pointed for her slippers. Cristina slid them over and she slipped her feet in before grabbing the foam handles of the walker. She hated the stupid thing.
Slowly and painfully they made their way to the the OR Gallery. When they got there, the surgery was already underway. She watched as Weller, Lexie, Robbins and Karev operated on a little tiny brown body. For a little while she forgot about her circumstances and just allowed herself to be absorbed in what was happening.
The surgery was nearly perfect. For a moment the baby's heart rate spiked into SVT, but before they needed to administer any drugs, the heart rate stabilised back into sinus. Meredith felt a small smile creep on her lips. This one was a fighter.
Lexie's eyes crinkled over her mask as she waved at Meredith from below. She waved back tiredly before exiting the gallery.
But late at night, with nothing but beeping machines keeping her company, Meredith forced herself out of bed. Foregoing the walker in place of her elbow crutches, she shuffled along quiet empty hallways to the peadiatric ward. She didn't know why. Maybe she was just bored...
In sweatpants and Derek's Bowdoin sweater, she made her way to where all the babies lay... she stopped to look at them, and then shook her head, this was a stupid idea, she thought as her uterus ached.
And then she heard crying.
She waited for someone to come running, but there was no one around. Automatically she looked for the source of the noise and paused outside of the room. The baby Lexie operated on...
A quick glance at the chart on her bed confirmed that her name was Zola, and she was post-op from shunt surgery due to spina bifida.
Derek had said something about changing the position of the head to relieve the pressure. Meredith looked around again, no one was coming.
"Shh..." she said to the baby, as she reached down to stroke her wet cheeks. "Someone will be here soon, okay?"
A few tense moments followed, but no one arrived. Meredith fidgited. If she could pace, she would've. But now the baby was making her cry, and so despite doctor's orders, and despite the potential possibility of tearing her stitches, she reached down and picked her up. Just like that, Zola stopped crying.
Meredith winced in pain, but bore it anyway as she held her. She couldn't sit down, so she just stood there for as long as she could, holding Zola and humming to her. When it was unbearable, she laid Zola back down in her crib and propped her up a little with a folded up blanket. Zola was fast asleep, rythmically sucking her thumb, and Meredith watched her for a few more minutes befoe she forced herself to leave.
She visited Zola the next day. And the day after that, feeling a certain kinship with the child. On the day she was discharged, she went to see her... only to find Zola was gone.
"Oh, she went back to Africa," the nurse said.
It took everything in Meredith to stay standing. She was done. Emotionally spent. Bankrupt and void. The wall came up, hard and solid, heavy and unbreakable. She would never do that again. Get attached. It hurt too much.
"Robbins?" Meredith called as she entered the OR, a mask over her face. "What's happening?"
"I need you to scrub in, her shunt is failing, we have to replace it."
"Okay." Meredith said, recognizing Arizona's urgency. And then she looked down at the patient's intubated face and gasped. "Zola?" she croaked.
xxx
Amelia pulled her tools from the skull in front of her. It was over. The flatline echoed in the large operating. "Time of death, eight-thirty pm." She breathed into her mask, causing it to expand away from her face. Her shoulders slumped in defeat, she pulled the mask off and turned away to walk into the scrubroom.
He had a chance. A slim one, but it was a chance. If she was Derek she probably could've saved him, but... she wasn't Derek, and Derek wasn't here.
"Amelia..." Owen said softly. There was nothing more you could've done.
"I know..." she whispered. "I have to tell the family. He's a dad. His kid is like... eight or something?" Warm water trickled down her arms as she reached for the soap.
"I'll come with you..."
Amelia looked up at him. No she didn't need him to do that. Protect her. She shook her head. "No. I can do it. I'll do it."
"Amelia..."
"You hired me to be the Chief of Neuro right? This is my job." The fabric of the towel was soft and smooth against her skin as she dried her hands.
"That's not- He was my patient too okay?" Owen said sternly.
She huffed. "Fine," she said as she bustled out. She walked quickly, angrily. Stupid telephone poles. He had a chance. The patient had a chance.
Amelia, you need to get your act together. Derek was in a motorcycle accident. I don't need anymore drama from you too. She heard her mother's voice.
Amelia, Amy... he was shot... your father... he was shot... Derek... he didn't make it. Your father is dead.
And then Derek's voice rang over and over in her head... Amy! You stole my prescription pads! And then you overdosed! You fucking overdosed, using my name! You weren't breathing, for three minutes I had to pump your chest! Why? Why did you do this?
Before she reached the doors to the waiting room she stared out the rectangular window at the patient's family. A mother and son. The boy swung his legs as he played with the spaceship in his lap. The father was on his way to see his son before he crashed. The boy asked him to come. And then... head meet telephone pole.
As she watched the boy with the spaceship a wave hit her. A big roaring wave of pain rolled in and she struggled to stand in the aftermath. But Owen's steps behind her pushed her on. Amelia sucked in a breath. "Mrs. Sanchez?" She called as she walked into the waiting room. Her heart broke at her hopeful expression. She glanced at the son, and pulled Mrs. Sanchez aside.
"Oh no," she said, shaking her head. "Please no..."
In Amelia's peripheral vision, she saw Owen take the son aside and sit with him.
"I'm sorry," Amelia croaked out. "There was too much bleeding. Dr. Hunt and I... we did everything we could, but... he's... he died."
Everything that happened after was a haze as she comforted the wife. A moment later, the son came running to his mother and clutched her.
Turning away, Amelia wrapped her arms around herself and took off.
"Amelia?" Owen called after her.
A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review!