It was a few days after Feenie had come to visit Iris.
With his presence, questions that had been lingering in the back of her mind surfaced, and she was doing her best to push them away. What she had was good. Wanting more spoke poorly of her.
Though, could anything speak more poorly than the things she'd already done? People called her sister a monster, but Iris was just as responsible, just as culpable. And while her twin sister, her other half, sat in a prison cell, awaiting an execution that even Iris knew she deserved, Iris was safe. She had things that Dahlia never had, love both familial and romantic.
Another reason to feel awful.
She should not be happy.
After a long day of work at the temple, Iris started on dinner, thinking about just how long it would be before she had the chance to go and see Feenie.
Stupid temple, stupid duties, stupid traditions, Iris found herself thinking, frowning as she chopped carrots for the stew. Spirit channeling only brings pain. I'll never understand why Bikini is so devout. Iris wouldn't describe herself as Buddhist, unlike most people in her family, despite the fact she was a nun. She didn't really have a religion, nor did she think about it.
This was just the place she'd been tossed away, when her father hadn't wanted her around any longer. She'd been lucky to be given to Sister Bikini, someone who learned to love her, who cared for her, even when she had no reason to.
That didn't make living here easier. Iris had nothing but bad associations with her mother's family, with their powers and their faith. Mia and Maya seemed nice, but...neither of them really fit in with the village either. Mia had left it behind for her career as a lawyer, and Maya complained regularly about the elders of the village.
So why did she still live here? That was the question she kept coming back to. The question she shouldn't ask herself.
"Hmm?" came a voice from behind, startling Iris. She turned and looked down, seeing Bikini watching her. She looked serious. "Iris, that is some of the worst knifework I've ever seen. I'll have to redo it myself."
The nun got about to doing just that, while Iris stepped back, hanging her head, feeling awful. "Yes, Sister Bikini."
Bikini groaned. "Iris, you have something on your mind. It's clouding your ability to do anything right. I saw the cleaning you did in the Garden, and I'm sorry to say that I'd be ashamed if a guest arrived and saw how messy it is." There was no chastisement in her voice, no anger. Nothing like how Iris's own mother had talked to her, when she'd dained to do so.
"I'm sorry about the poor efforts, Sister Bikini, I-"
"Stop that apologizing, please. I just want to know what's wrong, Iris." A small hand found Iris's, and that contact, that grounding, gave Iris the strength to do what she had to do next.
It didn't make it easy. "I've been having...thoughts. About how I don't fit in here. About how long the trips are to see Feenie, and for him to see me. About how I might be able to find a life out there, in the city." Iris hung her head. "They're bad thoughts. I'm lucky to have a place at Hazakura Temple, I'm lucky to have you, I'm lucky to have Feenie..."
Something wet fell on her hands, and looking down at them, Iris numbly realized she had started crying at some point.
Bikini tugged Iris down until they could look eye to teary eye. "It's a good thing I made sure you got a GED. We have enough squirreled away to last you a month or two, time you can use to hopefully find a job."
It was said so matter-of-factly, it took Iris a second to realize just what Bikini meant. "You'll help me? It's...okay for me to go?" It sounded too good to be true.
"Of course it is!" Starting a laugh, Bikini seemed amused. "Oh ho ho! Iris, you've always been able to leave. Maybe I should have pushed you out of the nest years ago! Now, let me finish dinner, while you start planning!"
"You're moving to the city? Iris, that's fantastic to hear." Mia's voice sounded...genuine.
Of course she's genuine. She's a good person. Unlike me. "Y-yes, but I was hoping for some help finding a place to live, and maybe a job as well?"
There was a short pause before Mia hummed. "Well, I know someone who could use a roommate, if you don't mind putting up with Maya all the time." That made Iris laugh. Put up with Maya? She was a ray of sunshine. Living with her would be wonderful. "As for employment, what kind of employment do you think you're suited for?"
"I'm not really sure..." Iris had been thinking about that. She did love literature, another benefit of her time pretending to be Dahlia, and working at a bookstore or a library would be an absolute joy. But it also felt like too much to ask for. What skills did Iris really have? "I suppose...I'm good at helping other people get things done?" It sounded so pitiful when she said it like that.
Luckily, Mia didn't seem to share that opinion. "Perhaps assistant work, then. Do you think you'd be willing to try being a paralegal? Lawyers can always use a good helper."
Iris blinked. "You mean...work for you?" She loved the idea. Working for one cousin, living with the other, being in the same office as Feenie? The two members of her family she was beginning to feel close to, after she'd lost her sister, and the one person in the world who could make her feel whole and worthy of love.
"No..." Mia sighed, and Iris realized it had been too much to hope for after all. "I can barely afford to keep your boyfriend, and he works for free. That said, I do know a guy who can probably spare the money to hire you on. Right now, the office is just him, but he runs himself ragged. Heard good things, but I don't know him too well. I could probably get you an interview, though."
Iris let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I appreciate it more than you could ever know, Mia."
"Don't thank me yet. You've still not met Mr. Shields. He's...a bit of a handful. But I bet you can keep him in line."