A/N: Well, I'm back! People were commenting that they wanted to see this story come to a finish next, and I am all for that!
Dedicating this to Justin Chambers. We'll miss Alex. A lot. I wish his character didn't have to leave us so jarringly. It would have been nice to see Alex Karev get a great finish to his story...
Well, without further adieu...
Enjoy!
Five years ago:
Amelia stared at the door to the house. 63 Harper Lane. Derek's house. Or his wife's house or whatever. It seemed too big, too old... too unlike Derek. Not that she knew what Derek liked anymore. They hadn't spoken in years.
And now he was dead.
Dead dead. Like, shot in the head, dead.
She should go in. Addison had reluctantly left her alone on the step. There was only an hour before the funeral started. But her feet failed to travel past the porch. Maybe this was all just a horrible nightmare she would wake up from. Maybe it was just a horrible joke her sisters played to get her to come see Derek.
Maybe he wasn't dead after all.
If she went through the door, she'd know.
The door burst open and a woman ran out, a hand over her mouth as she stumbled past. Amelia stiffened and averted her eyes, but still caught sight of her bending over the brick fence to hurl into the bushes.
She waited awkwardly for a beat, gaze shifting to the door, but no one came out. "Uh..." She took a step to the stranger, "You okay?" From the long dark blonde locks, Amelia had an idea this was Meredith, but couldn't be sure. The woman's back was to her as she straightened out with a sniff. Amelia dug into her purse and pulled out a travel pack of tissues, pinching a few to hand to her. "Here," she rasped, as her muddled mind started to thaw, and the denial began to fade.
The woman turned, and when she did, Amelia knew two things without a word being exchanged between them. This wasn't a dream or a joke, and this was his post-it wife, Meredith.
"Thanks," Meredith said after a minute.
"You okay? Are my sisters giving you a hard time?"
"You're his sister?" Meredith swallowed.
"Yeah, I'm Amy," she said, not bothering to correct her name back to Amelia.
Meredith nodded and faintly rubbed her stomach, "You look like him."
It was something Amelia both hated and loved about herself, that she held the recessive genes for the more attractive blue eyes, and the same dark, wavy hair of the males in her family rather than the more plain bold looks of her sisters. It meant she wasn't usually compared to them, which was fine by her.
But she was always compared to Derek.
A blur came around the porch, a young woman with rosy cheeks and long, recently dyed brunette hair. "Meredith, there you are! We were looking every- " she stopped- "Oh. Hi. Who are you?"
"Derek's sister, Amelia."
"I'm Lexie, Meredith's sister," she introduced herself, but her attention rested on Meredith. "Come on, Mere, we need to get ready."
But Meredith looked pale and sunken in. Barely alive. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself "I..."
"The priest is here, Addison is here... we're all here. We just need you," Lexie coaxed.
"I know, just..." Meredith waved her hand for silence.
To her credit, Lexie waited, twisting a strand of hair while she stared out at the car-lined street.
"This isn't a dream anymore, is it?" Meredith asked. "Derek's really gone."
"Yes," Lexie said quietly. "He is."
Meredith stared at the door, the one Amelia couldn't bring herself to breach. "I can't. I can't do this."
"Mere,"
"Is Cristina coming?"
"Um, Owen's trying to get her. H-he's trying."
"So she's not coming."
"I'm sure she'll be there. I'm sure she'll come."
Meredith shook her head. "She's not coming."
"Meredith, I'm here. I'm here for you," Lexie said, "What can I do? I can help."
A dark look crossed Meredith's features and she muttered something.
"Sorry, what?" Lexie asked.
"Tell them I'm not going. I saw him shot in front of me. And I really, really, don't need to see any more. And tell them... that Derek loved me more than they will ever know, and if he's in heaven or whatever, he'll understand. Tell them that."
Lexie shifted on her feet, seemingly uncomfortable with the prospect of facing the Shepherd family with that message. "Mere," she said, "What happened, it- it's awful. Horrible. You love him so much... It's not fair he's gone. It's not fair at all, but-"
"Stop it." Meredith said, "You don't understand. If you did, you'd tell those women to go to hell."
"Maybe I do understand."
"Do you? Do you get that kind of love? The kind you'd die for? Lexie, I stood in front of a gunman and begged him to shoot me instead. That's how much I love him. Now he's gone. Forever. So don't talk to me about love and horror and how 'unfair' this is when you're screwing around with Alex while Mark pines for you behind your back. You don't know a thing!"
Amelia raised a brow, watching Lexie's expression contort in pain at Meredith's words. Wow. And she thought her sisters were wolves. Meredith turned away then, also pained, not able to take back what had exploded out of her mouth, and not willing to apologize.
"You know what?" Lexie retaliated, "You're not the only victim here, you know. Alex got shot, and he barely made it. Know what else? Clark found me. He found me. He spoke to me, and he shot at me too. I could have died too, Meredith. Then who would you have? Your person isn't here, but I am. I'm just trying to help. Derek should have a dignified burial. And his wife should be there. I think he deserves at least that."
Meredith remained silent, though tears ran white streaks down her flushed face.
Amelia thought back to the day her father got shot. She couldn't move. She couldn't help. She was just a kid. The funeral was a blur for her, but she remembered her mother's grief and distress, even among all the people who were there for them. Making a decision... even trying to appear present, was impossible. "You know uh, Lexie, my family can be... pushy. Maybe she just needs a minute?"
Lexie glared at her.
"My dad... Derek's dad, was shot and killed. For a watch. So this," Amelia made a circling gesture with a finger, encapsualting their situation. "is retraumatizing. I think we all just need a minute."
"Could you talk to them, then?" Lexie asked.
Amelia stared at the door again. Thought about what was behind the door. The flock of Shepherd sisters. Her mother. Mark. Even Addison. All people who loved Derek. "I... um, I'm gonna need a minute."
She never did talk to them. Amelia hadn't been able to intervene. She couldn't pick a side, and that had been difficult for Lexie to deal with. Lexie went back inside, angry that Amelia wouldn't or couldn't help, and eventually, everyone paraded through the front door. Carolyn walked up to Meredith, and very gently took her hand and tugged her along. That was that.
And the fact that Lexie caught Amelia kissing Mark before she left for L.A.
Now:
Amelia sat in the lab, surrounded by Dr. Herman's scans. Lexie would be back, and somehow, they'd have to figure this out. They'd have to do the impossible.
"Hey," The door opened and Edwards came in, "I brought the coffees you asked for. Dr. Grey takes a Caramel Machiatto," she said, putting Lexie's drink down and handing her her own dark roast.
"Thanks," Amelia said. "How's Dr. Herman?"
"Um... her usual morbid sarcastic self?"
"Still blind?"
"Still blind."
"Damn."
"Well, I did a new MRI and emailed you and Dr. Grey the results."
Amelia sat down and logged into the computer. The mouse pointer hovered over the attachment. She bit her lip, "Let's just... wait for Dr. Grey."
xxx
Callie hopped out of the truck and helped Amber with her daughter. "C'mon, I'll help you find Alex."
"Is Jo okay?"
Callie pressed her lips together. Jo had been in bad shape when they'd loaded her into the ambulance. "I don't know," she said, refraining from mentioning things like guns or bullets, or smacking the woman upside the head for having one. Truthfully, she couldn't be sure of anything, it was an earthquake for God's sake!
Amber and Co. followed her inside the trauma bay, and Callie walked right up to admitting. "Brooks," she called, "Where's Wilson?"
"Wilson? Uh..." Brooks fumbled with her charts.
"Jo Wilson," Callie specified, "Is she in surgery yet?"
"Oh! Yeah, Bailey's working on her."
"Good," Callie nodded. She turned to Amber, "Okay, Jo's in surgery, so Alex is probably in the waiting room. You can meet him there." She grabbed Brook's sleeve. "Heather here, will show you the way."
"Thank you," Pruitt said, touching her arm gently. "We appreciate it."
Callie's breath gushed out as she watched them go. The adrenaline continued to pump in her system, and she trembled. Staff, patients and their families ebbed around the station, nurses called out orders, and gurnies lumbered past. Clicks and beeps followed IV towers and gurneys as patients were transported here and there. Finally, her gaze wandered to the clock.
She'd been gone for only four hours, but it felt like a lifetime.
"Dr. Torres?" The words sounded as if from afar, and Callie didn't respond... she was still lost in thought. Or maybe just lost.
"Dr. Torres?"
The room fuzzed a little and her stomach growled. Just a few hours ago she'd been watching Iron Chef and teasing Lexie about fish. Now-
"Dr. Torres!" Heather's face appeared right in front of hers, and Callie yelped in surprise. "Sorry- sorry," the meek resident said.
"What, Brooks?" Callie snapped, finally giving her her full attention.
"Um, Sofia's in room 2102 B."
Callie blinked. "Sofia... She was going to the zoo."
"Oh, I know. But she didn't make it to the-"
Callie didn't hear the end of Brook's sentence. Her heart dropped into her stomach as she dashed through the pit to Pedes. She swore she felt her uterus contracting in phantom pain at the thought of something happening to her daughter. Hammering on the button for the elevator, she swore when she saw the large yellow OUT OF ORDER sign on the door.
"Oh God," she prayed, swiveling to the nearest stairway. Callie careened through the door, smacking right into a soft warm body. "Oompf!" Winded, Callie clutched her chest as she looked up. "Sorry! Arizona?"
"Callie!"
Upon seeing her wife, immediate questions flooded her mind. "Sofia! What happened? I thought she was going to the zoo!" Callie burst with worry and questions... "How did she get here? Is she-? Did she-? Why aren't you with her? Who's with her? She's okay right? Arizona? Robbins!" She shook her wife.
"Whoa! Whoa..." Arizona steadied them both, placing her arms on Callie's shoulders, "Stop. It's okay."
"Sofia-" Callie gasped.
"-Is okay. She's fine. Just a bump on her head, but everything turned up clear. She's sleeping."
"Sleeping?" Wasn't that bad if she had a concussion? Didn't she need to be monitored? Who was monitoring her?"
"Mark's watching her now, I got paged to follow up with April's surgery."
"She's okay?"
"Yes."
"Mark's with her?"
Arizona nodded. "Yes."
"You're sure? Did they do a CT scan? An MRI?" She couldn't keep the worry away.
But Arizona remained calm and composed,"The chief of surgery cleared her, Callie. I looked at the scan myself. She had a concussion, but there's no bleeds and the swelling is minimal. She was awake and talking to me not even twenty minutes ago."
"So she's fine."
"She's perfect."
"Oh," Callie almost sobbed. Their daughter was okay. Sofia was alive... and normal and perfect. She squeezed her eyes shut and clamped her mouth, but it was useless, the sob still escaped. She wrapped her arms around Arizona, pulling her close as she released her tears.
"Okay," Arizona embraced her too, murmuring comfort words and running her fingers through her hair. "It's okay," she sniffed. "Everything's going to be okay."
xxx
Alex gripped the arms of the waiting room chair, sliding his hands back and forth, back and forth. He couldn't sit still. His gaze traveled over the many others in this room. Sitting, waiting, wondering. He was a little peeved Bailey refused him into the gallery, but it was understandable. He glanced at his watch. It'd been a few hours already. It felt like forever. Alex felt strange. Intangible as a ghost, yet heavy as a sack of potatoes. His mind haywire from guessing what possible procedures they would be performing on Jo. He wished he wasn't a surgeon today.
"Alex?"
He nearly jumped out of his potato-sack body, but when he looked up, it wasn't who he thought it was. "Huh? Amber?"
"Hey," she took a seat beside him.
He blew out a breath and looked away. Rage burbled up in him. "This is not a good time, okay?" he snarled.
"I-I know," she said. Something in her voice made him look up at her. "Is... Jo- is she gonna be okay?"
"I don't know. I don't frickin' know!" Alex jumped out of the chair. "You coulda killed her! She's the love of my life, and she could be dead!" he yelled. Abruptly, he shut up, seeing everyone's stares. "You need to go," he spoke again quietly. "Please, go." He sat down and covered his head. He couldn't look at her. She was his sister, and she brought a gun and... he couldn't look at her.
"Uh, Dr. Karev?" someone else called.
His ears were ringing... he didn't want to talk, or listen.
"Dr. Karev?"
Alex barely raised his head to acknowledge Pruitt's presence across from him. What?
"I'm taking Amber into custody while we investigate charges of assault. In the meantime, her daughter, Danielle has been admitted for a fracture. We're still waiting for a social worker to follow up. Thought you should know... in case you want to visit..." He trailed off.
Slumped in his chair, Alex's only answer was an almost imperceptible nod. He refused to move. After a moment, Pruitt sighed, "C'mon," he said to Amber, "Let's go." He didn't hear them leave. His world dialed inward again, and he stared at the smudged tiles on the floor.
Jo could die. She could be gone forever, and then what would he do? What was taking them so freaking long?
After what seemed like hours but was probably only thirty minutes, a petite pair of black clogs attached to thick navy covered pantlegs got his attention, "Bailey."
"Mm-hmm."
He was expecting Mere, but it didn't matter. He forced himself to look at his friend, his mentor, and the person in charge of saving Jo's life. "Is- Is she-?" he asked, standing.
"Wilson gave us a run for our money," Bailey said. Her head tilted, and she took both of Alex's hands in hers, which scared the crap out of him.
"God, Bailey."
"But she made it," Bailey finished, squeezing his hands. "She made it just fine."
"Wha- Oh-" was all he could say as Bailey pulled him into her warm body. With her strong arms, she squished the paralyzing fear and doubt right out of him. When she released, Alex's jellylike legs wobbled and he gripped her shoulders for balance. She calmly waited while he gathered himself.
"She's in recovery," Bailey said. She gave him a good once-over. "Clean yourself up, fool, you look like Pig-pen from the Charlie Brown comics..."
"Uh, yeah," Alex ran a hand down his chest and through his hair. Dust and dirt scattered to the floor. He'd forgotten about that. "Bailey," he called after her retreating form, "Thanks."
Bailey turned, her expression soft and compassionate, "If it was Tuck or Ben on that table..." her lips trembled. "You'd do the same for me."
xxx
April gripped her blanket and stared at the door. She was suddenly alone. No one had come to update her. She thought her mother had been here earlier, and she was sure she'd heard Noah, though maybe it was a dream. Maybe it was all a dream.
Where was everybody?
Sighing, she glanced at the call button, sorely tempted to use it, when the door swung open and Maggie walked in.
"Hey," she smiled, (that was a good sign right? The smiling?) "You're awake."
"Yeah," April said, shifting to sit up in bed.
"How are you feeling? Any pain?"
"Uh... a little, but it's fine."
"Good, good," Maggie began a quick check, getting her blood pressure and temperature. She rolled in the ultrasound machine. "Arizona should be here soon," she said, "I'll just set this up," she turned the machine on and pulled out the gel. Coming beside her, Maggie raised the bed and propped her up with pillows. "Comfortable?"
April nodded, her hand rubbing her belly.
"So," Maggie continued, "Since we couldn't get the tumor out, I've been researching-"
"-What?" April exclaimed. "You didn't get it out?"
"Oh." Maggie stopped, "No one's told you..."
"No! No one's told me anything! No one is even here! They didn't even leave a note or-or a message, and I really have to pee but I'm scared to get up, and I'm scared to move because I haven't felt my baby move... but it's like who cares, right? Just leave ol' pregnant Kepner all by herself like big fat Bessie in the barn!"
"Uh, okay," Maggie reached for her pager, "I swear Arizona is coming, and I'll page Jackson again, okay? It's going to be okay," she soothed. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up to tell you myself. Things have been crazy since the earthquake, and I just managed to snag this machine-"
"Earthquake! I was in surgery during an earthquake! Oh my God!" April felt her heart pound faster, she gripped the bed railing and tried to push it down. Where was Jackson? Where was her kid, and her Mom. She really wanted her mom...
But Maggie strode swiftly to the side of the bed. Her hands rested on top of hers, stopping her from removing the rail. "April. If you stay in bed, and calm down... I will help you see your baby, would you like that? You should see her. Just relax, and lie back down, okay?"
"I want to see her," April's fingers stretched over her round belly. She couldn't find Jackson, she couldn't call her mother, but she could do this. Slowly she leaned back while Maggie lifted her gown and moved the machine closer.
She felt the cool gel slide over her tummy while Maggie moved the doppler around. April stared at the ceiling tiles, counting the tiny holes in them while she waited.
Whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh, she heard, and swallowed back a sob of relief.
"There..." Maggie said, "That's your baby... she's beautiful." She turned the ultrasound around for her to look at. "Look, she's sucking her thumb. I think she's sleeping. The surgery took a lot out of her, but she's fine."
"And her heart?" April asked. Maggie turned the monitor back around. She took a few moments, moving the doppler to narrow in on the baby's heart. Maggie frowned, which worried April as she watched her click the mouse and press buttons on the keyboard. "Maggie what's wrong?"
"You know, I think we should wait for Jackson and Arizona, okay?" Her frown turned into a strange grimace of concentration as she stared at the ultrasound.
xxx
Jackson couldn't remember how he got to the chapel. As he sat there, staring ahead at the pulpit, he felt hopeless. He told April the surgery would work. He told her to do it, for him, and now...They were back at square one again. Jackson understood that things out of his control could happen, and he didn't blame Maggie or Arizona. It was an earthquake... But still-
Did fate want him to lose a baby? Was that what this was, fate? Or faith? Or lack thereof? He didn't know anymore. Jackson didn't know anything anymore. It felt like his heart was being held up by an incredibly fragile thread that could snap at any moment, and he would lose everything.
His pager buzzed again. It could be a patient. It could be Arizona, or Maggie. It could be April. He didn't look. The door swooshed open behind him, and he heard the patter of feet, "Daddy?"
"Wha-?" he turned to the familiar voice. "Noah?" In all the tumult, he'd forgotten to worry about Noah.
"Dad!" the boy scrambled onto his lap, awkwardly thumping him with arm in a red and blue striped cast. "Daddy!" Noah's arms wrapped around Jackson's neck and squeezed.
"Whoa," Jackson squeezed back, running his fingers over the cast, "Hey, what happened to your arm?
"We was goin to the zoo... but den den dere was a crash an' the tunnel fellded on the bus. So I got out and saw auntie Merediff and she tol me to go wiff the rest of the kids to the hopsital, and we walked and walked and the ground was bumpy and den I founded the hopsital an unka Mark fixed my arm and I got a pupsicle, and I found mommy but she was sleepin and she wouldn't wake up, cuz you weren't there, so I runded out to look for you so you can kiss her and da baby's owie better..." Noah gasped breathlessly.
Jackson stared at Noah's little round face. Those grey eyes, the freckles. Curly hair that sprung every which way. He'd been terrified to be a father. And yet.. Noah stared back at him, reaching to touch Jackson's cheek to wipe the tear he hadn't noticed.
It had been worth it, hadn't it?
All the worry and fear at the begining. All the questions and fears and doubts. The struggle between their own personal differences and how they wanted to raise their son... It was worth it. To hold Noah in his arms, to feel his breath on his cheek and see the concern in his eyes.
"C'mon daddy," Noah pulled on his arm.
Noah hadn't been a medical Miracle. There was nothing special about his conception or his birth. He hadn't been sick, and miraculously recovered. He was just an ordinary kid. No he wasn't a miracle...
He was Jackson's Miracle.
"Okay, bud. You're right. I just needed... to find something." He stood up and let Noah lead him out of the chapel.
"Did ya find it, Daddy?"
He ruffled his son's hair, "Yeah, I did."
xxx
A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review! I will try to update more frequently with this one! For more Japril, or other pairings Check out my story Mistletoe for some fun!