A/N: I'm back! That was quick wasn't it?
Jo stared down the misty aisle. Flower petals littered the red carpet before her. She stepped forward, her heart pounding as the music pushed her forward. Another step. Another. Ahead of her, on the stage, was a priest and a shadowy figure. She couldn't see him yet. The waltz continued, guiding her closer and closer.
Jo struggled with the bouquet in her hands, the white roses smelled wonderful, but they were strangely heavy. She could feel her heart beat against her chest. Her palms were sweaty and her legs trembled. She couldn't tell if she was happy or scared, there was something all too familiar about this.
The priest looked down at her expectantly. Meeting his gaze, she continued up the steps, and turned to face the shadowy... groom?
"We are gathered here today, to witness and honor the joining of Miss Jo Wilson and..." he turned to the shadowed man. A light switched on from above, and Jo felt a tsunami of relief hit her when the shadow fell away to reveal Alex's soft face. "...Mr. Alex Karev," he began.
Alex's gaze was unflappable, certain, and full of love. She licked her lips nervously. See, the thing was... "Ow!" She felt a sharp pinch on her finger and pulled her hand up to see. A thorn had pricked her finger. The small red droplet ran down her finger and fell onto the pure white roses she held in her other hand. As it touched one petal, it wilted, turning brown and then black as it it spread to the other flowers in the bouquet. "What?" Jo looked to Alex, but he wasn't there anymore. In his place was someone who terrified her.
Paul.
"No!" she dropped the bouquet.
"You can't marry him, Brooke," he said, his voice low and grave. "You're married to me."
"No," she shook her head. "No!"
Paul laughed. His face morphed and distorted, becoming something she could only recognize as evil, monstrous. Then the ground shook, and they both stumbled. Paul grabbed her, and she tried to get away, but the ceiling was falling in on them. "Let me go! Let me go! Paul, please..." she squirmed, but his grip was tight. She couldn't move. Debris fell around them. Something hit her from above. She looked up and saw light.
"Jo." Alex's voice called, faint and far away. "Jo!"
"Alex," she felt physically and emotionally crushed as things kept landing on her. "Ale..."
"-lex," Jo breathed. "Al...lex" she called between breaths as her eyelids fluttered. What happened? Something pinched under her nose. Her body felt sore and stiff, as if she hadn't moved in a long time. And her abdomen felt like someone had reached inside and squished everything just for the hell of it.
Her finger. She tried to lift her hand to look at it, but it was heavy. Something warm and solid wrapped around it. She stared for a moment, her blurry vision and muddled mind unable to process anything.
"Jo."
There it was again. Alex's voice. Calling her. But it wasn't far away anymore. It was there. It was right beside her. "Alex," she rasped, trying again to wake up.
"Jo, I'm here. I'm right here... I love you and I'm not going anywhere."
She thought maybe she saw him, but her eyelids struggled to remain open. Her thoughts were clouded. She felt a vague fear, like maybe a monster was hiding under the bed. But monsters weren't real, were they?
Her world dimmed and went black against her will. She slept. Jo dreamed again. Of earthquakes and roses, of monsters and wedding rings. "Alex." she snapped awake.
"Jo," he said. Again so certain and calm. Like everything was going to be alright. But it wasn't. She stared into those warm brown pools of calm. "Jo," his hand brushed stray locks out of her eyes. "It's okay. You're okay."
"Alex, I can't..." she trailed off... The monster. The monster under the bed. She couldn't get away from him.
"You can't what? Jo?"
"I can't marry you." She managed before her sleep claimed her again, and she succumbed to her shadowy nightmare.
"Jo?"
xxx
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always... as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be," Mark whispered the words as Sofia slept. He leaned back and picked up his phone. No new messages. Nothing from Callie. He hoped she was okay.
Machines from the bed beside them beeped and buzzed softly, and he traced a finger over the stitched up cut above Sofia's brow. It would heal just fine. Barely a scar.
"Oh, Sofia!"
Mark's head jerked up at the call. "Callie, shh!"
She immediately covered her mouth as she crept in. "Sorry!" she whispered. She stopped at the foot of the bed, composing herself.
Mark gave her a long glance. "You okay?"
"Yeah," she nodded, "I am now."
He smiled, "I get that."
"What if I lost her?"
"You didn't."
"But-"
"You didn't." Mark kissed his daughter's soft forehead. "I'll leave you alone for a bit. Sofia missed you." He rolled halfway out the door before he stopped and turned around, "Oh and Callie... You're gonna be an auntie."
"Yeah, I know Mark, you and Lexie are finally on the same page."
"No, I mean... in about 8 months, you're gonna be an auntie."
"What?"
"Yup." He flushed with pride.
"Congratulations!" Callie whispered loudly.
"Shh!"
"Oh, right."
Mark grinned as he wheeled down the hall. Despite this mess, despite their fears and worries, they'd made it through this. Sofia was okay, and so was Callie. He just hoped Arizona and Callie could work out their own issues.
His phone buzzed and he stopped to answer it.
"Mark," Lexie sounded like she was crying.
"Lexie? You alright?"
"Where are you?"
"In ped's, I'm stuck here, the elevators are down except for emergencies. What's wrong?"
"I... I told Mere, about the baby."
Mark had a hunch where this was going.
"She said she was happy for me. And she smiled and hugged me... but- Mark, her eyes..."
"What about her eyes?"
"She didn't mean it."
"Lex-"
"I mean- I know I told her not to be mad or sad... but there was just this... emptiness there. I shouldn't have told her. I should have waited. Or something. I don't know."
Mark awkwardly switched the phone to his other hand so he could push the wheelchair, and tried to use his good leg to keep himself moving straight. After a couple tries, he gave up. He couldn't roll and talk at the same time apparently.
"Mark?"
"I'm here," he reassured. He remembered how Meredith was at the daycare. How lost and heartbroken she seemed. Lexie must have told her just before then, he figured. "Look, she's your sister. You needed someone to freak out to, and she's that person. And to her credit, Lex, she mustered all that up for you, so some of it must have been genuine, you know that."
He stopped when he saw Carolyn only a few feet ahead of him, sitting across from a room in the pedes post-op ward. "Hang on," he interrupted Lexie's rambling. Putting the phone in his lap he pushed himself closer. "Carolyn?" he called.
She blinked and looked up suddenly, as if he'd woken her. "Shh," she said, pointing to the room across from them.
"What?" he asked.
"Go look."
Mark wheeled to the doorway and peered into the room. He couldn't help the grin that exploded across his face. Meredith was asleep in the middle of the bed. Her left arm wrapped under one little girl with a mop of dark curly hair. Laying stiffly, a bandage poked out from under the girl's gown and an IV fed her fluid through a vein in her elbow.
On the other side of Meredith, or rather, on top, was Zola, sleeping away. One dark arm stretched across Meredith's chest, her face buried in the crook of Meredith's neck.
Mark picked the phone up from his lap. "Lex, give Meredith some time, she'll come around. She will," he said. "I gotta call you back, kay?"
Mark turned to Carolyn, "What's this?" he asked. "Meredith's a kid pillow?"
Carolyn flashed a wide smile. "It's a miracle," she said, wiping a tear from her eye. "You're going to be an uncle, you know."
"What?"
"Come here, it's a long story."
xxx
Lexie tucked her phone into the pocket of her scrubs as she headed to imaging. Mark was right, whatever Meredith had mustered up had been genuine. If only to cover her own heartache. She knew in time, Meredith would accept her baby and love it. Like she did with Noah. Lexie just hated being a reminder to Meredith, of all she had lost. Soon, they'd have to talk about that. But now she had another matter to deal with. Dr. Herman's tumor. And Amelia. Two very messy, stubborn things. She sighed, straightened her shoulders, and walked into imaging.
Among the enlarged and bright images of Dr. Herman's brain and tumor on the wall, were Amelia and Stephanie.
"So you do the fluoroscine first," Stephanie said.
"Tell me why." Amelia twirled a strand of hair.
"So you can keep an eye on the pituitary stalk even though you're nowhere near it."
"Because?"
"Because..." Stephanie hesitated.
"Because you want to appreciate the whole thing at once," Lexie interrupted.
"I was gonna say that."
"Dr. Edwards, you can go now."
"But Dr. Grey-"
Lexie turned to the resident and sighed. "I don't know if you heard, but Jo was hurt in the earthquake. She had surgery. Why don't you visit her while Dr. Shepherd and I talk?"
"What?" Stephanie jumped up. "Is she okay?"
Lexie nodded, "She'll be okay. Go see her."
As Stephanie sprinted out the room, Lexie took her place at the table.
"There's um... coffee there, if you like." Amelia offered.
Lexie glanced at the cup, but made no effort to take it.
"Okay," Amelia said, rubbing her thighs, "tough crowd."
Lexie sighed, "Look, you asked me to help, and I want to. I do. But... the thing is... I don't trust you," she admitted.
Amelia nodded. "I understand," she said. "After what I did, you probably think I'm certifiable," she said. "And now, I'm elbow deep in this tumor just so I can prove that I am okay and that I deserve to be here."
"After what you did, you don't deserve to be here." Lexie hissed.
"I know." Amelia agreed, blindsiding Lexie's argument. She took a long sip of coffee. "Okay, hit me with it. This isn't just about what I did to Mere is it? You and I have a history. So... go on, let it out."
Five Years ago:
It was over. Finally. The service had been one to behold. Nearly half the hospital staff, many of Derek's former patients… city and police officials…The entire Shepherd Clan and many of Derek's college mates had appeared en masse to pay their respects.
Then there was the internment as only his closest friends and family saw him laid to rest. Surprisingly to Lexie, Cristina did show, making her way to Meredith and slipping an arm around her in support.
After all words were spoken and tears shed, Lexie looked for Meredith. They said some really ugly things to each other, and she wanted to fix it. She caught sight of Cristina and pushed through.
"Hey," she said. "You came."
"Yeah," she nodded faintly.
"How's Meredith?"
Cristina only gazed ahead at Meredith, who still stood by the coffin. "I don't know," she said.
She didn't know what to do except go to her. "Hey." That was all she could say. Everything else seemed cliche or placating. Lexie pulled Meredith close. Her sister sniffled into her shoulder.
For a long time it was just the two of them, standing still over Derek's grave
When Meredith finally lifted her head and wiped her eyes, Lexie helped her to Richard's car and got in beside her, Cristina on the other side.
Lexie cast everything aside for Meredith. She stayed by her side during the reception. She brought food, and tried to get her to eat. But Meredith didn't move, or talk, or eat.
"Do you want some punch? It's good, you should try it."
"No thanks."
"Meredith, you should have something. You haven't eaten all day."
"I can't."
"Please… just try something. Some crackers at least."
"Leave me alone, Lexie."
Lexie looked around the room. The Shepherd clan had shrunk, and was now only the sisters and Carolyn. They mingled with Mark and Addison. Richard, Bailey, and Adele were in another corner, Bailey speaking tearfully to Richard. Jackson and April sat on the stairs, talking in muted tones, shaking their heads. Cristina dwelled on Owen's lap, her arms draped around his neck.
There seemed to be somebody for everyone except them, though Lexie had so far avoided Mark's longing gaze. And she would have Alex, except he was still in serious condion at Seattle Pres. "You're my sister, I'm not leaving you." She squeezed Meredith's hand.
Meredith pulled her hand away. "I have to go to the bathroom," she said, and headed up the stairs.
Lexie bent and tucked her head between her knees, helpless. At some point, a hand touched her back. The couch cushion sunk in beside her, and she sat up to rest against Mark's chest. As his arm came around her shoulder, the tears and sobs started, and she heard Mark's soft comforting cadence.
"It's not fair," she sniveled.
"It's not." Mark agreed.
"He wasn't supposed to die," she said. Lexie hadn't known Derek that long. She didn't know him as well as she knew George or Cristina. But Derek became a big brother. The force pushing her and Meredith together. And now that was gone. "He's really gone," she said.
"I know. I miss him already."
"Derek's dead… and Meredith's a ghost. I can't reach her anymore."
Mark continued to hold her, "It's okay. You will."
She rested in his arms for a moment. Until Meredith's words cycled back through her skull. "Mark. I love Alex. I love him. Like, run-for-blood, face-a-shooter, pretend-to-be-his-ex, love him. So please…"
She stood up and left him alone on the couch to find Meredith.
Lexie walked up the stairs, determined to talk, or sit, or do whatever she needed to do to make sure Meredith was okay. Meredith needed her.
She knocked on the door of the main bathroom. "Mere-"
The door swung open and Amelia appeared, phone in hand. "I think we need to get her to the hosp- You're not Addison…"
"Addison?" Lexie blinked, catching a glimpse of her sister doubled over on the toilet seat.
"It's the baby, I think something's wrong."
"Baby?" Lexie pushed past Amelia to her sister, "You're pregnant?"
Meredith looked up, "I- I was going to tell you after-"
"Amelia-" another voice cut in, another body crowded into the bathroom. Addison. "What's going on?"
Amelia looked at Meredith then Addison, then at Lexie and back at Meredith. "Um- she's bleeding-"
"I'm fine," Meredith gritted. But her hand was on her abdomen, and she winced, "Ow."
Addison stepped closer, "How far along?"
Meredith shook her head tearfully.
"Alright," Addison turned to them, "Both of you, out," she said forcefully.
"Meredith," Lexie pleaded.
"Out." Addison commanded.
Now:
"She told you first," Lexie said, "about the baby."
Across from her, Amelia nodded, tapping her fingers on her coffee cup. "That might be what you think happened, but that's not what happened. Not exactly."
A\N: Okay! Another installment! I know you want to see more of Meredith and kids, and I promise to get to that soon, but I gotta work through this stuff okay? One good thing is that I will be updating much more frequently, so keep an eye on this story… check the box to Follow! And don't forget to leave a review!