A/N: Another Installment! Again, many thanks to my fans! Please note C rating for cuteness at the end of this chap!
Lexie stared at the map she'd made of Herman's brain. Studying it, learning every curve, every angle, every bump of soft tissue. Because after they removed the tumor, there would be a shift, and that would complicate things.
"Lexie?" Amelia's voice came from behind her.
"Hey," she replied, pointing at the scans with a pen, "I think if we just-"
"-Meredith needs you."
"She always needs me," she said softly. Frankly, she was tired of it. It sounded bad, but since she'd revealed her pregnancy to her sister, she felt angry. She just couldn't shake the dead look in Meredith's eyes. She knew she shouldn't be angry, it wasn't Meredith's fault. She was being petty. But she was so tired of being the big sister to her big sister. She wished Meredith could actually be there for her, instead of pretending to be.
"She's up in pede's," Amelia said. "Maggie said she locked herself in a bathroom."
Lexie's head snapped up. "What?"
"Hey," Amelia raised her hands. "I'm just the messenger."
xxx
Lexie made her way to the pedes floor, her mind burning with questions. What now? Had something happened to Anna? Did Child Services decide not to grant Mere custody of Zola? Oh God, maybe that was it. Turning the corner at the nurses station, she ran into Maggie. "Maggie, what's going on?"
"Oh good, you're here. Come with me, please." Maggie dragged her to a private child's room. But the room was empty, the bed unoccupied.
"Where's Anna?" Lexie asked. "Is she- did she-?" Was Anna dead? Lexie had no idea how she would bring Meredith back from that.
"No, Anna's just in CT for a follow-up scan to make sure everything is okay. Can you please talk to Meredith? I'm worried." Just then her pager beeped, and Maggie glanced at it. "It's the Chief, I gotta go."
And then she was alone with her sister. The bathroom door between them. Lexie stepped forward and knocked. "Mere? It's me. Are you okay? What happened?" There was no answer. She pressed her ear against the door, but heard nothing. "Meredith... please? Open the door, you're scaring me," she said.
More silence. Wait, was that a sniffle?
"Look, I'm sorry about earlier. I knew I should've waited to tell you... It's just- I've been there with you, for everything, and I just wanted you to be there for me this time. I know it sounds-"
The door swung open. She caught a glimpse of Meredith's light irises, but her sister remained inside the bathroom. Lexie pushed through the crack and stumbled in.
"Mere?"
"Lex, I think..." she shook her head. "Something's wrong," she said.
Lexie studied her sister and didn't notice anything outwardly different. "What's wrong?"
Meredith paced, a finger on her chin. "I'm hallucinating."
"Hallucin... What?"
"Or I'm delusional."
"Mere, you're not making any sense!"
"I know! But she's supposed to be dead. Anna is- she's – My baby died, right?"
Okay, that came right out of left field. Her chest tightened and her stomach dropped with concern, "Mere, this is getting weird."
Meredith ignored her. "My baby died. Bailey told me. There was a funeral. I went to her grave. You took me there. You and Cristina... "
Whoa. Something was indeed wrong, it's like her sister was stuck in the past, and she didn't know why. What was Meredith talking about? "Okay, Meredith, you're scaring me. Did you hit your head during the earthquake?"
"Maybe that's it. I'm probably bleeding into my frontal cortex right now..." Meredith's fingers pressed the small bruise over her left eye, while she continued to pace in the bathroom.
Crap, that didn't help.
"Meredith, stop!" Lexie grabbed Meredith's shoulders. She stopped, a shocked, confused, sad expression on her face. "Sit!" Lexie commanded.
Meredith sat.
"Wow, I can't believe that worked," she muttered to herself. Letting out a breath, she gave her sister a long once-over.
Nothing seemed outwardly wrong, except a small stitched up cut on her forehead with an accompanying bruise, but no significant swelling. She palmed Meredith's cheeks and tilted her head up. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a penlight and flashed light into her pupils. "Pupils equal and reactive," she said. "Any headache?"
"No," Meredith said.
"Any tingling or loss of feeling anywhere?"
Meredith looked down. She flexed her fingers. "No."
"What's the date?"
"Um...It's the 25th. Or 26th. It might be the 26th now, if it's morning."
Lexie nodded, close enough. "What's my middle name?"
"Caroline."
"Where are we?"
"We're at Shepherd Grace Memorial Hospital."
Okay those were the easy questions, but they were going to get harder now. "Okay, look at your surroundings... what do you see?"
"Uh... It's a bathroom."
"Be specific."
"There's a shower, a sink. The walls are tiled. Um... there's a bottle of soap and paper towel... a tray with some washcloths... I'm sitting on a toilet. And... I mean, there's you, of course."
"Good," Lexie nodded. "You don't see or hear anything unusual? Any sounds or speech? Do you see things or colors and shapes? Or even see anyone?"
Meredith shook her head.
"Well that rules out hallucinations, barring running an MRI."
"Okay," Meredith wiped her eyes, clearly at a loss to explain her freak out now.
Lexie slid against the back wall and faced her sister. "Tell me what happened since I last saw you." Because something must have happened, and Lexie guessed it had to do with Anna or Zola.
"I finished the surgery on Jo..." Meredith said. "And then... I went to the daycare, to see Zola, and Janet was there. And Richard. And he-" her voice trembled. "Lex... I thought she was dead."
"Who?"
"I thought she was dead. They told everyone she was dead. And I was... I..."
"Meredith, back up. Who did you think died?"
"My baby. From the accident, remember?"
"Okay," Lexie nodded, finally on track with her sister. "So what did Janet and Richard say?" she asked, trying to get back to that moment rather than the tragedy four years ago.
"They said..." Meredith choked out, "there was a mistake. Dillard Hospital made a mistake all those years ago, when I couldn't- when I was-" Her throat clogged up. Tears began to run down her face. "Lexie... they said she didn't die. My baby. They said she's alive. They said she's Anna. Anna's...mine."
Lexie blinked, trying to make sense of her sister's words. Trying to put them together into a cohesive picture in her brain. There was a mistake at Dillard, the baby… Meredith's baby was alive? "Anna is yours," she repeated.
"Mm-hmm," Meredith said.
"Anna... that little foster kid that Alex treated. The one you saved after the earthquake. The one that you brought here with Sofia," Some part of her knew... some part of her followed Meredith's almost incomprehensible speech, but she wasn't exactly sure. "She's yours?"
Meredith tucked a hand into the pocket of her scrub shirt and pulled out a rumpled piece of paper. Lexie took it from her shaking hands, unfolded it, and studied it. Her heartbeat raced when she realized what she was looking at. A DNA test. She ran a trembling finger down the highlighted lines and matching arrows... and the small text that formed at the bottom. The DNA matched at the mitochondrial level. Which could only mean-
"Meredith..." she finally breathed. The corners of her mouth twitched. "Oh my God. Mere, it's true. She's yours. Anna is your daughter."
"This is real?"
"Yeah, it's real Mere."
"But... I can't. I- I'll screw it all up."
Lexie swallowed the lump in her throat and wrapped her arms around her sister. "No," she said. "No you won't."
xxx
Meredith stared at the little body on the bed. Anna was fast asleep now, sedated to keep her still during her tests. Carolyn had taken Zola down to the cafeteria to eat, and then they would be going home to get the house ready. She rubbed her daughter's fingers softly...
Her daughter.
She couldn't believe it. Couldn't yet wrap her head around the fact that a careless mistake had separated them. It almost cost her her life. She looked up at Lexie, who was still there, hovering, making sure she didn't freak out again. "I was going to leave the pregnancy test in the bathroom so you'd see it and freak out," Meredith smiled. "I thought it would be funny cause you'd think I didn't know you knew..."
Lexie gave a tight smile. "Yeah," she said, "I was happy for you."
"I know," Meredith acknowledged, remembering the months of her pregnancy and grief. Most days were okay, the sadness of her loss balanced with the new life moving inside her. But some days... The pain and trauma of Derek's death paralysed her. "Sometimes, you were happy for the both of us."
"Well, someone had to be," Lexie said.
The remark was simple and light, but the tone was unexpected. Meredith looked away. This was about earlier. This was about Lexie now. "I'm happy for you too," she said.
"You're happy now," Lexie replied. "But you weren't then. Not really."
"I-"
"I just wished you could've been. This is gonna sound weird, but… I miss you. I miss having a big sister."
"You're right, Lexie. I'm sorry."
"Don't be, it's okay. You lost everything, Mere. I understand. I've already forgiven you…"
"But it still bugs."
"A little, I guess."
Meredith picked at her daughter's blanket, straightening it out over her little body. She felt strange, like she'd slipped into a parallel universe, taking another Meredith Grey's place. A Meredith Grey that was happy. A Meredith Grey that had children…
She stroked Anna's curls. Her hair was just like Derek's. It felt just the same.
She lost Derek. She lost her daughter… for a time. And Lexie…
"You were there," she said. "You were always there for me…" Meredith remembered now. Memories swirled… and everywhere she looked, she saw Lexie. At Derek's funeral, at her ultrasound… the baby shower. Lexie was the first person she saw when she woke up from her coma, and she was there when she went to her baby's grave. After Meredith's breakdown, Lexie took her home and helped her with therapy. They studied for their boards together.
Lexie turned down Columbia to stay in Seattle with her.
She'd done all these things… and Meredith hadn't noticed. Hadn't acknowledged the sacrifice her sister made for her. She'd just been struggling to survive. "Lexie, you saved my life."
"I-,"
"No, you did," Meredith insisted. "There were times… when I just wanted-," she swallowed. This wouldn't be easy to confess. "I wanted to die. Give up. Just… disappear. But you were there. Sometimes, just you being around kept me from… doing something stupid… and when you weren't there, I knew I couldn't leave you.
"I don't know why I never told you. I'm sorry. I should have acknowledged it sooner. I've been an obnoxious, ignorant black hole the last four years, but Lexie… you mean so much to me. And your child is going to be extraordinary. You will be a wonderful mother. If you can take care of a mess like me… you'll be fine. Really."
"You mean that?"
"Of course I do." Meredith smiled.
"Thanks. I needed… I needed to hear that." Lexie stood up and stuffed her hands into her pockets, turning to the door. "I should get back, Amelia and I are working on a thing," she said.
Before Meredith could wonder about what 'thing' she could possibly be working on with Amelia, her daughter shifted and murmured on the bed. Her eyes opened slightly and she yawned.
"Lexie," Meredith called. "Don't you want to meet your niece?"
It took a little coaxing, but soon Anna was fully awake. Meredith handed her a cup of water with a straw. "Anna, there's someone I want you to meet. This is Lexie. She's my sister, which means she's your Auntie."
"Auntie?" Anna asked, "what's a Auntie?"
"Um..." Meredith hesitated. "An auntie… is like a special big sister, she loves me… and she loves you too."
"Oh," Anna said. "You love me?"
"Yes, I do," Lexie replied quickly, her eyes sparkling. Meredith remembered the ultrasound Lexie had framed and set on the mantle at her house. Lexie's love was… truly a special gift. And she was so glad she stuck around to receive it.
"You love mommy Merediff?"
"Yes, of course," Lexie beamed at Meredith. Oh my gosh her face said.
"Then I love you too," Anna said, playing with her cup. "Wanna draw wiff me?"
"I do, very much. But someone needs my help right now. Maybe another time?"
"Okay," the girl said.
"Kay, I'll um… check in later?"
"Sure," Meredith replied.
"Bye Auntie X," Anna waved.
xxx
Meredith had never been a touchy-feely person. But she couldn't keep her hands off of Anna. A small part of her still thought this was a dream, and so she kept holding her daughters hand, or stroking her hair or kissing her nose or touching her shoulder.
For her part, Anna seemed just as snuggly. After Lexie left, the nurses brought juice and crackers for the girl and later strawberry JELLO, which was a hit. Anna insisted on sharing, holding a spoon of the wriggly red stuff to her mommy's lips until she either took a bite or got it on her nose. They colored more pictures. Meredith made Anna a blue princess crown. Apparently Anna didn't like pink, but blue instead.
They played 'docker,' again.
Anna flipped up her gown unabashedly. "I think I had a baby," she said, pointing at her tummy where her bandage was.
Meredith sat up, mildly disturbed, "What makes you think that?"
"Cuz that's what my first mommy said. She said when I was a baby I camed out frew a tummy cut. Did I have a baby too?" she asked, rubbing her tummy.
"No," Meredith wrapped her arms around Anna. "You're too little to have a baby."
"Oh," Anna frowned, seemingly disappointed. She turned in Meredith's arms though, and faced her. Her little fingers curled around the bottom edge of her scrubtop and she lifted it. Meredith felt her warm pudgy fingers prod her abdomen, right where her C-section scar was.
"Mommy Merediff… mommy… where's your baby? Is it at home?"
Meredith's throat burned. Her eyes clogged up with tears. She wasn't planning on telling Anna, not for a long time… but she had a feeling that Anna wouldn't drop it.
"Why are you crying?" Anna's hands wiped her face.
"Come here," Meredith pulled her onto her lap so Anna straddled her and they faced each other. "A long time ago… four years ago, I did have a baby," she said. "But I was hurt real bad in an accident, so I didn't get t-to see her. Or h-hold her. The doctors put me to sleep so my body would get better."
"Like sleeping beauty?"
"Yeah, something like that," Meredith said. "But something sad happened too. Another mommy and baby came into the hospital the same time I did. They were both hurt really badly…
"Are they okay now?" Anna squished a corner of the pillow behind Meredith.
"No sweetie, they both died. You know what that means?" Meredith knew that for a four-year-old, Anna was familiar with the dark and twisty.
She nodded solemnly. "Yeah," she whispered.
"I was deep asleep. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I didn't know what was happening. I couldn't protect my baby."
"What happened to your baby? Did she die too?"
Meredith shook her head. She pushed her long fingers through Anna's thick tresses. "No, see… while I was asleep, the doctors thought my baby was the one that had already died, and they told my family and all my friends."
"But your baby didn't die!" Anna exclaimed.
"No," Meredith said, trailing her fingers down to her daughter's pert chin. "She didn't. The doctors gave my baby to child and family services, since they couldn't find anyone to take care of her."
"But what about you?"
"I woke up… a long time later. And… my friend told me… she told me my baby died."
"But your baby wasn't died!"
"You're right, she wasn't, but no one had seen her alive, so they did think she died." Meredith swallowed. "And for a really long time, I believed my baby was dead."
"Were you sad?"
Sad wasn't even half of her feelings. "I was very sad, Anna… I felt like I lost my whole world," Meredith sniffed. "But then… something happened."
"What happened?"
"I found you."
"An you 'dopted me."
"Not quite, Anna."
"You didn't 'dopt me?" Anna asked, incredulous. She backed away, easing off of Meredith's lap.
"Wait!" Meredith clutched her wrist. "I'm not done. Anna, I didn't adopt you, because I didn't have to." With all her strength she pulled Anna tight to her chest. "Anna, you're my baby. You're the baby that came out of my tummy. You're mine. You're mine forever."
Anna studied Meredith carefully, her little hand pinching her mother's cheek. "You're my real mommy?"
"Yes."
"Forever? You're gonna be my forever mommy?"
Meredith ran her hands up and down her daughter's arms, claiming her. "I'm your forever mommy. Anna, I never want to lose you again."
"I don't wanna lose you either!" Anna exclaimed.
"You won't," she kissed her on the cheek.
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"I think we need more JELLO."
"Definitely."
A/N: More to come! Thanks for reading! Please review!