hey guys! It's friday. woohoo, weekend! ;o) And to enjoy the weekend even more here is my next chapter!
Wish you all a happy weekend.
Ps: Welcome new Favs and followers! Hope you enjoy the story too. R&R ;o)
I was sitting upright on the mattress, awoken by my own screams. It was dark and I was sleep-drunk, but I saw Daryl right next to me with a tight grip on my arm, his eyes wide. "What?" I asked him with a tired voice. Why was he here? I thought he would avoid me the next few years, like he did the last days. "Ya screamed ya ass off and ask me what?" I looked from his hand on my right arm to his face. Before I could say something he let go off me. I could see him relaxing a bid but his arm muscles were still tensed.
"It's nothing." I could see in his eyes that he didn't believe me. I thought about what I had dreamed about … It was always the same. It was about blood, screams and torture. Daryl squeezed my arm to get my attention. "Ya call this nothing? Ya screamed so loud ya allured walkers!" He had touched me again, his grip was tight but didn't hurt. His wide eyes were small again, his lips pressed together as he starred me down to answer. But I didn't answer. He let go off me and sat back. "Ya wanna tell me now what happened before they will overrun us next time?" I knew he was referring to the walkers down the watchtower behind the high fences and was mad at him for fathering me on attracting walkers. I grew mad that he still saw me as a wounded sheep in a herd of hungry lions. I remembered his words he said days ago. "I can tell from your body what happened." I bit my lip.
"You wanna know why my smile turned into nothing but a scream?" Daryl scowled at me through his shaky hair and I felt so small under his glance, so fragile. I could feel my anger boil deep inside of me. My fear and hurt mixed and I grew mad. "You don't know what it is like to be torn apart. Don't know what I have been through." I spat at him, growing angry at myself to feel so weak. "I lost my whole family, my friends … You know what it is like to hear your dead brother's voice in your head?!" I knew he wasn't to bear the blame and fought back tears. Daryl's eyes hadn't left mine while I screamed at him.
"Ya think I don't know?" His words surprised me. Daryl's voice was hard and steady. I thought I knew him at least a bit, but his eyes were unreadable. Was he mad, was he just asking? I couldn't tell. I avoided his glance and looked down on my clenched fist.
My screaming turned into a whispering sound. "I had been almost beaten to death, had endured pain I never knew existed. I thought the loss of my brother was going to kill me." I looked up to him, his eyes piercing through mine. "But it were these guys who had almost killed me. Who had almost …" I looked at the scars on my wrist. "Every day I am reminded of the humiliation I had been put through."
His expression was still as hard as a rock. Hard to read. "Ya think I don't know what it is like to be almost beaten to death?" While his words penetrated my heart, his left hand was reaching for his shirt to lift it up. He hesitated but then he lifted his shirt and I saw a small deep scar at his side. I looked into his eyes again. Was he really comparing this scar to my pained soul? He hesitated again, but took off his shirt completely and turned a bit. He showed me his naked back full of scars. It looked as if a whip or a belt had made deep trenches. Not just some, there were quite a few and there were also small round scars, as if someone had stubbed out cigarettes on his back. I wanted to touch them, but the moment I shifted in my place, he faced me again putting back on his shirt. "I told ya, we all have scars. Some ya see, some ya don't …" I touched his chest where the scar lay beneath his shirt and watched my hand. I thought about the scars on Daryl's torso and looked up into his eyes. He sat there saying nothing. He looked ashamed but yet confident at the same time.
"I'm sorry." I finally managed to say. "I didn't mean to scream at you. It's not your fault what happened." He still glared at me. "I …" I needed some more time to get over it. He touched my hand slightly. It was the first time I didn't flinch and wanted to be pulled into him. But he put my hand away from his chest. So he didn't liked to be touched too, I smiled sadly to myself.
"Don't be sorry. Sleep, ya need rest!" He stood up and went to the window, sitting down on the only chair up here. I watched him all the time. Now he seemed distant again. I finally laid down still looking at him. Daryl was looking outside, his feet on the table next to him.
"How come you are up here?" My voice was full of emotions. Ashamed of the change in my voice and that he might have heard it too, I lowly cleared my throat. I was more than thankful he was close and curious about him being here, although I thought he would avoid me. He had scars too, somehow that connected us.
He looked back at me. "Never been far away." What did that mean? I slowly sat up realizing a change in his voice too. "Told ya I'll never leave you alone." Daryl crossed his arms over his chest a smile on his lips I had never seen before. "Go back to sleep!" He told me in a suddenly warm voice.
"What do you mean you never been far away?" I felt like I was glowing like a match in the dark. But he waved aside turning to the window again. I was about to stand up to get his attention, but laid down instead, still watching him. Only seeing him made me already feel safe. I knew there was no safer please than being at his side. "I always take watch up here." The warmth had left his voice and I could almost hear him scowl.
He was so close and at the same time so far away. I felt a single tear rolling silently down my cheek. I closed my eyes telling myself to never cry again and to be strong. I didn't want to rely on anyone, I needed to be strong. "I can be strong." I whispered to myself. You are strong. A long time had passed since I had heard my brother's voice and smiled. The last days I began to feel happiness about being alive again, felt happy to spent time with my group, my friends. Since I felt safe I hadn't heard him, but he was still there. I would never be alone, he would always be there. I'll never leave you.
I heard footsteps but didn't want to open my eyes. "Everything okay?" It was Carol's voice. "I heard screams." I heard her walking over to Daryl.
"She had a nightmare." A short-Daryl-answer.
"It sounded really awful." I heard a metal sound. "Here, I brought some food. I can keep watch if you want to sleep."
I opened my left eye slightly and peeked over. I saw Carol standing in front of Daryl, her back to me, and one hand on his shoulder. "You need to rest too. You can't always keep watch and watch her!" Always watch me? What did that mean? And how did she know?
"I'm fine." She let go off his shoulder and turned. I immediately closed my eye again. "Did she say something?"
"Nope." Again his answer was short.
"Maybe she said something to Glenn or Maggie. Seems they are getting along very well." Is she observing me?
"Whatever." Daryl grumpily answered. Silence fell upon them. I didn't dare to open my eyes to get caught eavesdropping another time. My body suddenly felt heavy and I grew tired. I stifled a yawn to not get caught.
"I remember how she told my little Sophia about the stars. She was so lovely with her." I heard her sighing. "Glenn told me she opens up. Talks to him. I wish she would smile at me again. It was always full of warmth." If Daryl hadn't fallen asleep he was very impolite to not respond to her words. That was likely, that was him … and first of all: that was normal. I relaxed. It was safe up here and I felt safe having the both of them around. Eventually I fell asleep.
Some loud noise woke me up. It was still dark. I looked over to Daryl who had fallen asleep on the chair. I smiled. Daryl was snorting as loud as a drunken bear and looked quiet uncomfortable in his sleeping position. I stood up and walked over to him. I carefully touched his shoulder to wake him up. But the moment I had my hand on his shoulder he grabbed me hard with his right hand, the other clenched in a fist, ready to knock me out. I squeaked. Small eyes looked at me. When he realized it was me, he let go off me. "What …"
"Sorry, I just … You can have the mattress." I made a step back and nodded to the mattress.
He blinked. "I'm fine." He shifted in the chair.
"Don't look fine to me. The chair is uncomfortable and a mattress is made to sleep on. All cosy." I tried a smile. "I have slept enough. Let me take watch!" He looked me up and down.
"Fine." He stood up and wandered to the bed while I stood next to the window. He laid down, his back to me. "Don't fall asleep the first time on watch." Did I hear a smile in his voice?!
"I am not like you." I teased him but he didn't react. I sat down on the chair and scanned the fences where I saw a few walkers pressing themselves against it.
"I was just resting my eyes." He simply stated.
I looked over to him, but just saw his back. I looked out of the window again. Did I see a person behind the trees? I took the gun with the spyglass on it and looked through it but saw nothing. I was more than sure something or someone had moved behind a tree. Was it a walker? I shook my head and scanned the fences again. There was no whole, no one could get in. I looked back to the prison and saw Rick walking straight to the crosses. It was almost morning, already getting brighter. My eyes followed Rick through the spyglass. He seemed to be talking to someone. He came to a halt at the graves of our friends, of his wife. I lowered the gun with the spyglass and gave him privacy. Rick who once looked so strong seemed to be broken now, just like me. Should I go and talk to him? I understood the feeling of losing someone you love.
I heard a snorting and turned to Daryl. In my thoughts and dreams while I was separated from him and the group I had dreamed about him so often. Now that I was with them again and so close it felt fairly weird. All the time the voice of my brother had told me I liked Daryl more than I knew and talked me into missing him … Right now I wasn't sure if it was all imagined, if the feelings and the dreams about him were just an illusion. I felt a pang in my heart as I watched Daryl and the urge to lay down beside him, to touch him, to feel him. That was not imagined at all. "Shut up!"
I watched Daryl from behind a tree. He had his crossbow in his hands fixed on something in the distance. His arm muscles were tensed. Seeing the way he stood there all concentrated and flexed muscles my heartbeat fastened. I felt a growing warmth in my stomach and my breath uneven. He was the toughest man I had ever met.
The sound of his arrow flying through the air with a hiss interrupted my daydream. I watched him stepping forward and grabbing a rabbit from the ground, his arrow stuck in its little body. Daryl walked on but before I could follow a hand was pressed to my mouth. I wanted to scream when Amy's head popped into my view. I relaxed and shoved her to the side. "What the hell Amy?!" But she just smiled at me. "Getting a little sneak peek?" She looked over my shoulder and nodded in the direction of Darryl. "Oh my … Daryl?!"
"No!" I hissed, looking for words. "No. No …" I said again to reassure her. "No." Amy's face lid up and I realized I had said no too many times. "So Ella, that's where your smiles come from?" She teased me while punching my arm slightly. "I saw you all girly blushing." My cheeks were still warm. She looked over my shoulder again and I followed her gaze. Daryl was gone. "He can't hear you, so tell me! I hadn't had a girlish talk in days. Please!" She fluttered her eyelashes.
I rolled my eyes and laughed. "I am not a guy!" Amy had the ability to distract me from the apocalypse, just like Glenn. We could talk endlessly about movies and celebrities. We had the same taste in cloth and gossiped about the people at camp like teenagers. It was always fun when we sat alone imitating the others. It was our way to escape harsh reality.
"C'mon. I am tired of being a housewife washing clothes." She sighed. "I see your little stolen glances all the time. Did you talk to him?"
Even we had been together a small amount of time, she already knew me quite well. "Daryl is not quite the social guy …" I suddenly felt like a teenager talking about a secret crush.
"This is the end of the world. Guys have needs." I blushed at her words. She talked just like my best friend had always done.
"He just doesn't look like a guy who wants to be near people, not to speak of women." Even I started conversations with him, he hadn't been talking much. But the way he had acted I knew he had been listening.
"So no sly look, no secret kiss, no furtive touch?" She seemed disappointed.
"I am sorry Amy." I shrugged my shoulders but her words stirred something up inside me. A sly look? I was throwing hidden glances at him almost all the time. A secret kiss? I wish … A furtive touch? The time he had shown me how to hold a gun maybe wasn't really counting here, but when he had touched my hip to stay put and my hand to raise the gun higher, I had wished he had kissed me. Amy pulled me out of my daydream. "But you've gotta do something. This is the end of the world!" She was really dramatic, acting all Juliet, throwing her arms into the air. "Maybe you should go hunting with him. Like a date."
I felt like caught red-handed. I actually had been following him hunting. She suddenly pushed me into the direction Daryl had been gone. "Follow him. Act like you are lost in the woods or something like that." She pushed me again.
"Amy, stop it! That's ridiculous. " Act like I was lost in the woods … who would buy that shit? We never go far from camp, it would be more than obvious.
But Amy turned and went way. "Have fun!"
I turned around. Should I follow him? Would I find him in the woods? He was a silent hunter, a man who knew the woods. Maybe I could ask him to teach me how to hunt. Hey, at least he had taught me how to kill a walker, well – he had almost got me killed, but hell – now I knew how to kill the living dead. I hadn't realized my feet had begun to walk. I looked around without seeing Daryl. Would I stumble over his path? What a childish thought, I should go back to camp. "Why ya following me?" My eyes went wide. Daryl stepped out from behind a tree right next to me. "Ya're a peeper or what?" I hadn't seen him, how could I not see him standing almost right next to me?
Oh my god, I was so embarrassed. "Hey." I said baffled. Daryl raised a brow at me. Before I could say a word he suddenly pressed a hand on my mouth and turned us behind a tree. His body pushed my back against it. "Shh!" He ordered me to shut up and I didn't dare to breathe or move at all. I heard the famous gnarling and clacking teeth, there must be at least two walkers. Daryl slowly withdrew his hand from my mouth and reached for his knife. I looked up at him how he watched the walkers, my right hand on his chest. He was so close … And again I felt a pleased warmth in my stomach, spreading in every corner of my body and immediately looked to the side. His breath on top of my head made me shiver. He was so damn close. I looked up again, looked at his lips. How would it feel to kiss him? Oh my, was I really thinking about kissing Daryl? I scolded myself. Suddenly I saw four walkers passing us by slowly. They were around 10 meters away and not noticing us at all. I was glad they didn't walk into the direction of the camp but was afraid how close they were. Shane wasn't right thinking walkers wouldn't come up here.
I felt Daryl moving and looked up to see him staring into my eyes. My hand still rested on his chest his heartbeat was uneven and I felt a tension between us. He might be the one feeling uncomfortable but I felt kind of aroused. I looked at his lips again. Daryl immediately stepped back, scratching the back of his neck looking a little uncomfortable. He turned and walked away. "We go back to camp!"
To remember Amy and 'good old times' hurt. I missed her so much. I shook my head, shook all feelings away. Told you you have feelings for him! It wasn't fair. All the memories seemed so tangible, but reality told me different. I stepped closer to the window, resting my forehead on the warm glass. I needed to distract me. I was tired of sleeping or sitting down. I wanted to run, to go look for food. The time past while the sun went up. I looked over to Daryl again who had tossed and turned on the mattress. Now he was facing me, his face was relaxed and soft. Again I felt the urge to touch him. I looked at his chest. His shirt didn't cover his stomach and I could see his apps.
"Like what ya see?" I immediately looked to his face. He smiled a crooked smile at me. Since when did Daryl Dixon smile like that? I felt myself blushing. The last time he had given me this smile was because I had stand my ground, proved him I was worth living. "Slept well?" I asked not giving away my thoughts.
He sat up, adjusting his clothes. "Ya gonna stare at me all day?" I turned around to look outside again. I saw Carl walking the fences all alone. He was the only kid besides Beth who seemed to be babysitting all day. Back at camp I played with him and Sophia to distract them from death and Lori's homework. I should talk to him more often, anyhow he was the one helping me to go inside the prison. I heard Daryl getting up and came standing next to me. He was so close, his arm touched my shoulder slightly. Again I didn't flinch to be near a person. It is because of him. At this thought of my brother, I looked up to meet Daryl's eyes staring down on me. I faintly turned as he shifted in his position too. My eyes never let go off his as I felt butterflies in my whole body. Suddenly all the easiness was gone. We just stood there no one trying to make any attempt. I was afraid to ruin everything if I'd move or act at all. I looked down on my hand to try to think of a way to get out of the situation when Daryl silently lifted his hand to carefully caress my cheek. He grabbed my chin to gently force me to look into his eyes again. In this moment there didn't existed a prison, walkers, pain or death.
Footsteps were heard and Daryl immediately let go off me and made a step back. I turned to the door to see Carol appearing in the doorway. "Breakfast is ready!" Daryl nodded. "I'm coming." He took his crossbow from next to the table and walked over to her without paying any further regard to me. I cleared my throat. "Me too." I whispered and walked towards them, still not sure how to enter the prison. Carol smiled at me. "Great!" She turned and I followed her and Daryl. While we walked downstairs I thought about my last time being inside the prison. I told myself there were no bars and there was no one I didn't know. We exited the tower and made our way over to the prison. Carl came running towards us. "'Morning Ella. You're coming too?"
I nodded. "Morning Carl." He walked next to me as I followed Carol and Daryl to the prison. "So you leave your place taking watch just like this?" I asked him with a smile. His whole appearance had changed. He was wearing a big hat and a gun, his pale eyes so grownup. The kid was gone and had changed … elided puberty and grew up way too fast.
"Nope. Axel is on watch, it's his turn. I was just bored." I smiled at the kid. We were almost at the door of the prison. I needed to distract me and looked at Carl again. Before we could continue our conversation, the door was opened and Glenn and Maggie came out armed.
"What the hell is going on?" I asked them a little shocked of the sight of the guns.
"We go on a run. Wanna join?" Maggie asked while she was walking towards one of the cars. I stopped and turned watching them opening the trunk of the light green car.
Maggie winked at me with a smile. "We know a great place to shower too." I looked down on me, I felt more than dirty and needed a shower badly. "Please tell me you are talking about a real shower." I slowly followed her to the car. "We'll see!" Maggie laughed while she put her bag in the trunk where Glenn was standing examining a huge machinegun and a smaller gun.
"So you wanna come?" She went to the front passenger's door while Glenn closed the trunk and went to the other side of the car to sit behind the wheel. "C'mon Ella, let's go." He said. I looked back at Carol and the others. Did Daryl shake his head? I turned around again to see Maggie jumping in the car. "Get inside before the warm water will be used up." Was she actually talking about a real shower?
I stepped closer to the car, but when I opened the door I felt a stabbing pain in my shoulder. You sure you're ready to face the world? You should rest a bit longer. There is no need to go now. I answered by shaking my head and swallowed the pain. Before I could sit down in the back of the car, Daryl shut the door. "Ya not going!" He appeared out of nothing telling me not to go? "What?" What the hell was he talking about not going? "I sure can go." I wanted to shove him aside, but he grabbed my arm. "Ya shouldn't go. It's too dangerous."
"I'll keep an eye on her. We'll go the same place I was with Rick last time. It's safe." Glenn leaned on the car, but Daryl's eyes were fixed on me. "If you think I need a babysitter, join our run." I gave him a whimsical smile to not sound like a kid hitting puberty, but Daryl wasn't all smiles. "Ya too weak."
That hurt. "Fine." I shoved him aside and opened the car, this time my shoulder didn't burn or hurt. I sat down and closed the door without looking at him again. Glenn shut the door too and started the engine. Suddenly the door was opened and Daryl sat down next to me. I didn't look at him.
Well thanks to read till here ;o) There is more to come!