A/N: Thanks everyone, for your support! I'm still here! I'm writing this with a cat on my lap! (Yes, we got another cat. He's a Rascal, so that's what we call him.) And when you're done reading this, check out Gone Baby Gone!

Enjoy!

Amelia faced the mirror. Dr. Shepherd looked back at her. She stared until everything blurred into a flesh-colored blob framed by chestnut curls. Last she checked, there was only one Dr. Shepherd.

In less than twenty minutes she would be standing in front of a tumor. A tumor that would make or break her. Her life, the life of her patient, and all the subsequent lives that could be saved was on the line.

Today, she could not be the wrong Dr. Shepherd.

Violent retching from the stall behind startled her. "Lexie? You okay?"

"Oh," a loud sniffle. "Just peachy."

Amelia eyed her flushed and exhausted looking colleague. "Jeez, you look like hell. You sure you don't have the flu?"

Lexie had been springing to the bathroom all day. Torres had dropped off some medication earlier, but if it was for nausea it obviously wasn't working.

"I don't have the flu." Lexie flushed the toilet and exited the stall. "I'm pregnant," she said as she washed her hands.

"Pregnant? You and Mark?"

"Gotta problem with that?"

"What? No." Amelia clasped her hands, conciliatory. Well, that explained the puking and the napping. Although to be quite honest, she'd been too deep into Dr. Herman's tumor to recognize the signs before. "It's great," she said. It was, and she was happy for them. There'd been something in Mark's eyes since she'd met him here in Seattle. A subtle yearning for more. Amelia never doubted their love for each other… just maybe their maturity to let it grow. Now she knew it was possible.

"Good," said Lexie. "It's not the flu. You're not keeping me from this surgery."

"Never said I was," she said as they left the bathroom. It would take the greatest minds and determination to take out this tumor, and Lexie had proven to be the embodiment of that. But wait, what was that swishing noise? "Are you wearing a diaper?"

"Yeah. Gotta problem with that?"

"Nope. It's badass."

"You better believe it."

xxx

Arizona walked beside the orderlies who pushed her mentor down the OR hallway. Her heart and mind burdened with doubts, despite Dr. Herman trying to talk her up. Glenda Castillo had gotten worse. It was time for surgery. But the specialist in Sacramento wasn't answering. It was unlikely she'd get to Grace-Shepherd hospital in time.

And even though Arizona had some success earlier today, she couldn't get the feeling of that unmoving, unalive baby she'd just delivered hours ago. It haunted her, wrecking her confidence.

As a surgeon, a pediatric surgeon, she knew better. She knew she should just acknowledge the pain and the loss, learn the lesson and then move on. But she couldn't this time. She'd hit her limit. And with Dr. Herman going into surgery, the wall seemed too thick and heavy to break through.

"If Glenda's awake," Herman was saying, "She'll tell you for the fifteenth time to save her child's life, not hers. Listen to her, let her say her peace, and then you do what needs to be done."

Arizona blinked, unable to even get into the headspace for this surgery. "I don't think that I can do - No, I know I can't." She couldn't. Frankly, she couldn't even picture the surgery right now.

"You can."

"Nicole-"

"Arizona," Herman grabbed her hand and squeezed. Hard. The physical pain distracted her from her mental toe-dragging. "I picked you. And I did not bet you just to show. I bet everything on a win, and when I wake up, I hope to collect on my winnings. You're me now. And I don't give up. Stop crying, get your shit together, and get in that OR."

"Right." The word slipped out automatically.

"Now go do what needs to be done." Nicole said.

A big giant lump filled her throat as she watched the nurses transfer Herman over and begin her prep. Arizona sighed, edging her way out of the OR once Herman was finally sedated.

"Hey," Amelia nodded, on her way into the scrub room.

Arizona thought she should say something. She believed in them. She believed in the plan they'd created. But the enormity of the surgery, the vast stakes involved… meant that she didn't want to jinx it somehow.

"Look, you got this," she said.

"Thanks," Amelia's face was a calm mask. But staring into Amelia's eyes, she saw her own doubts and fears reflecting back. It was almost karmic. Amelia had no choice but to go into that room and face that tumor monster, and she was doing it, despite her own fears.

Somehow, Arizona needed to do the same. Do what needs to be done. For her own good.

xxx

Amelia reached for a mask, but put it down. She stared out the window. Dr. Herman was being prepped. No turning back now.

There was no elation here. No pre-surgical adrenaline rush to get her pumped and excited despite the heavy responsibility. No. There was only the sting of anxiety in her heart. The dread swimming in the pit of her stomach.

That was not good.

Turning her back to the OR, she stared at the blank wall in front of her. She balled her hands and propped them on her hips. She jutted her chin out, flexed her shoulders back and puffed out her chest.

Faster than a plane, more powerful than a train…

Able to resect deadly impossible tumors in a single fourteen hour surgery…

She was no mere mortal. Today, right now, she was superman.

"-Okay, I've got everything set up. all your films, and your favorite scrub nurse… what the-?" Edwards asked, staring.

Lexie had followed in behind, tying her scrub cap of the periodic table of the elements around her braided cornet. She stopped too.

Amelia said nothing, simply continued her pose.

"She's being a superhero," Lexie said finally.

"A what?"

"There was a Harvard study that says if you pose in a superhero pose for five minutes before a job interview or a test or some other difficult task, you will perform measurably better."

"Seriously?" Edwards asked.

"Seriously," Lexie said. "Come on," she stood beside Amelia and copied her pose, breathing out deeply.

Stephanie nodded and joined on the other side.

Amelia breathed slowly, deeply. Already she felt calmer, her mind becoming quiet. "Feel that?" Amelia asked.

"Yeah." Stephanie nodded.

"We're superheroes."

"Superheroes," Lexies echoed.

"We're doing this," Amelia said.

xxx

Mark hobbled into the Gallery, phone in hand. He pushed past a couple junior residents to get a seat in the front row and collapsed loudly."They're doing Herman's surgery, Grey," he said, speaking to Mere on the other end. "Derek would be jealous."

"I wish I was there to see it. But I sent Carolyn out for dinner and to that spa you paid for. I gotta get my mom-hours in."

"How's it going?" Parenting one four-year old was one thing… but two? Mark had once babysat Sofia and Noah for a little over three hours… All he could say was thank God for television.

"Um…" Meredith hesitated. In the background he could hear giggles and laughter. Well, at least they were happy.

"It's okay Grey, you can tell me."

"Well, Anna- What are you doing?" Meredith's voice pitched. "Put that down!"

There was a crash. Mark winced, holding the phone away from his ear.

" Zola! That's not to wear on your head!" There was more movement and noise. The girls, especially Anna, started whining. Meredith sighed. "Mark, I gotta go. Keep me updated."

He chuckled. He could only imagine what they'd gotten into now. He slipped his phone into his pocket and leaned back.

"So, this is a regular thing," Maggie said, sitting beside him. "You all come up here and you watch surgeries. Why?"

"Not just surgeries, Pierce. The big surgeries . Whale surgeries. Life or death. History is made here. This is the Colosseum.

"You watch the worst day of a person's life like a movie?"

"That is insulting, pierce. We're here to learn," he said. "Movie…" he scoffed.

Down below, Lexie, Amelia and Edwards entered the OR, toweling off their hands and gowning up. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bag of pretzels. It was going to be a long day. And he was here for the long haul. For Lexie. "It's starting. Pretzel?" he offered Maggie.

Xxx

Arizona rinsed soap off her hands and shook them as she made her way into the OR, where Glenda Castillo was waiting. "Here's the plan, we're gonna embolize the tumor to see if we can reverse the effects on mom's circulation, and if not, then I'm afraid-"

"Wait." Bailey looked around, "Where's the Neonatal from Sacramento?"

Arizona ignored her. Sacramento wasn't coming. She was it. "Glenda's platelet counts are critically low, so we have to give her six packs of platelets to avoid liver capsule bleeding. And then we'll perform the fetoscopy to reverse the cascade-"

"You keep saying 'we' but I see only you. Where's the attending?" Bailey asked.

Arizona dipped her arms through the surgical gown and slipped on the gloves the nurses held open for was it. It was do or die now. And it took every bit of strength to focus on the living, and not mourn the dead, or worry about her mentor… her friend… who at this moment was lying with her brain exposed in OR 1. Just down the hall. "I am the attending," she said. "Now, either you're with me, or you're not. Which is it, Dr. Bailey?"

xxx

Amelia stared up at the crowd in the gallery before closing off her thoughts. This was it. No turning back. "Ten blade." Boki calmly palmed the blade to her.

She nodded to Lexie, "Start the clock."

A small, almost insignificant 'click' began the timer, and Amelia began her incision. She cut easily through the epidermis, and then the dura underneath. Carefully she began the simple familiar steps of a craniotomy until the brain became visible. She stepped back to allow her resident the honors.

"Injecting the dye," Edwards said.

When lights dimmed, the fluorescein lit up the room.

"Nice to see you face to face," Amelia said, staring down the thing that haunted her in her dreams. "Now you have to go. Bipolars, please."

xxx

"Amelia's clearing the tumor away from the midbrain structures," Mark updated over the phone. "The fornix. The thalamus." On the screen, Amelia picked out another chunk of white tumor.

"It shouldn't be taking this long," Meredith commented.

"Relax," Mark said. "They're doing fine. They're almost at the dream box." But inwardly, despite his confidence in Lexie and Amelia, he knew they were lagging. This thing was tougher than it looked.

On the other end, he could hear Zola and Anna in some deep discussion about Cat in the Hat. There was a clanging of pots and pans.

"Mark, you're on speaker, I have to start dinner." Meredith said.

"She's at the dream box," Mark said over the phone.

"What's a dream box?" A little voice asked from the other end. Anna, Mark figured. Zola wasn't quite at the questions stage yet. "-Whatta dream box, mommy?"

"It's a place in your brain where we create dreams, and memories. Where we discern shapes and colors. Anna! Careful! Put that down. Now!"

A loud wail filled his phone's speaker. He winced and held it away from his ear. "Sorry, Mark. I gotta go," Meredith said. "Keep me posted."

"I will," he said. He carefully watched the scene below him. Amelia stretched out her back and neck muscles. Lexie shifted uncomfortably. Something was wrong.

xxx

Across the hall, Arizona struggled with her patient."It's not working," she said. "I can't embolize all the vessels. I need to open her up." There were too many vessels, and the fetoscope could only get so much. She just didn't have the right angle.

"Absolutely not," Bailey said "That would take more anesthesia-"

Rapid beeps filled the air. "The baby's got persistent decels," said her assistant.

Crap. Arizona breathed, thinking over her options. "I could exteriorize the uterus, and then resect the entire tumor-"

"-The prolonged anesthesia could be detrimental to both mom and baby-" Bailey argued. "If you're gonna open her up, you should deliver."

"No, that's not an option, this baby isn't viable yet." Somehow, she could still feel it. That tiny lifeless body. To her, there was no other way. She had to take the risk.

"This is mirror syndrome, Robbins, you know that."

Of course she knew, but it didn't matter. "He's too little, he won't survive."

"Page Dr. Karev!"

"Bailey!"

"Your mentor's skull is wide open on the table and you think you have something to prove! Well I'm not gonna let you try that on my patient! Page Karev. We're delivering this baby!"

xxx

Lexie blinked. Sweat dripped over her brow despite the coolness of the OR. She'd been taking fluids, she'd eaten, and taken the medication prescribed. She fought the urge to break scrub and rub her stomach. Ow.

Something wasn't right.

Breathe, lexie, breathe. She told herself, focusing on the brain in front of her. "We're lost," she whispered.

"I just can't find a clear path." Amelia admitted.

Lexie understood the dilemma. If they go any further posteriorly, they violate the hypothalamus. If they go laterally, they risked a major bleed out. And going inferiorly might wreck the optic apparatus.

Lexie shifted on her feet. Her body ached. Her stomach…Five hours in and they were running behind. Her patience was thin. "Just pick a path."

"I am trying to keep her whole. I can't move without letting a piece of her go."

Lexie stared through the microscope, but she didn't have an answer. She couldn't focus. Something was wrong.

"Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Grey-" A deep voice interrupted. Mark? What was he doing here?

"Dr. Sloan?" Lexie asked.

"Everything all right, Lexie?"

Lexie looked into his eyes and knew he wasn't there to help them with Herman. He was there for her. But she couldn't leave Amelia here. Not after all their hard work together. "Mark," she started, I'm-" A pain shot through her abdomen. What was that? "Ow, ow."

"Let's go, Lex."

No, they were stuck, and she had to help. "But-"

"I said let's go." Mark grabbed Lexie. "Sorry Amelia, he said. "I got big Grey on the line." He handed his phone to one of the many onlookers. "Maybe you can talk to her."

And then her big strong boyfriend whisked her away.

xxx

More beeping. Arizona was working as hard as she could, fighting her doubts. But Bailey wasn't helping.

"Her sats are dropping. She's hypoxic. Robbins, it's not going to get better." Bailey said.

Arizona gently coaxed the uterus part way out. She could feel the baby, feel the tumor that was wreaking so much havoc on them all. "Crap, it's stuck. This tumor is too big." She heard the doors slide open and her heart dropped. Alex was here.

"Hey," Alex sauntered up. "Would've been here sooner, But I was already home."

"I'm going to have to widen the incision," Arizona said.

"Of course you are. Because we're delivering. Karev's here," Bailey said, eyes wide and determined.

Arizona shook her head. Maybe she was in over her head, maybe she would fail. But she would be damned if they delivered this baby. He wouldn't make it. That she knew. "You should've stayed at home."

"What?" Alex said.

"I told you, we're not delivering."

"Stop trying to prove you're Herman!" Bailey said.

"Just do the 'C' Robbins, save us all some time."

"No. Herman taught me better than that." She focused on the mass in front of her. This was the only way. "Excising the tumor," she told the nurses. "I'm gonna need a lot of Kellies."

Even as she worked, Bailey kept pressing. Rattling on about Dr. Herman and how Arizona wasn't doing the best for her patient and-

"Stop it! Stop it right now!" Arizona threw down her tools. She glared at her colleagues, her breath coming in rapid angry huffs. She'd let this go on long enough. "You're right. I'm not Dr. Herman. I'm Dr. Robbins. I'm the fetal surgeon here."

She knew what she was doing. She had to. There was no choice. All her time and effort and mental energy in the last month coalesced to this thunderous moment. She would be damned if she delivered this baby and he died. And she would never forgive herself if she let her subordinates convince her to take the easy way out. "I have chosen to do this procedure. I am in the middle of this woman's uterus and If I slip, it will be catastrophic, and it will be because of you yelling at me, not because I don't know what I'm doing! You either need to get on board and shut up, or get the hell out of my OR!"

Bailey stared, stunned.

"I mean, she sounds like Dr. Herman…" Alex muttered.

xxx

Meredith sat in the middle of a disaster zone. Every single toy the girls owned was scattered on the floor. Spaghetti sauce dappled her shirtsleeves and her fingers were polka dotted with magic marker. It was her first time truly alone with her girls for more than a couple hours, and she was completely overwhelmed and exhausted already. Clutching the phone to her ear, she pulled off her tiara, wincing as it took a few strands of hair with it.

Her daughters cuddled together on the big couch, wordlessly watching Cinderella. Zola wore a fruffy hand-me-down dress from Karen Kepner's granddaughter, and Anna was bedecked in her ancient Dartmouth sweater. The holey one Derek liked now had spaghetti stains to match.

She had now idea how chatty Anna was. She talked and talked and talked all day. And so many questions! And Zola looked so sweet and innocent, but she was really a terror. She got into everything. Meredith was sure she was going to be a fashion model, she'd changed outfits four times already.

For the moment, however, both of them were entranced by the prince on the screen. And now Meredith could worry about other things… like Lexie. And Dr. Herman's tumor.

"Amelia?" she said into the phone.

"I am in over my head," she said. "I made a mistake. I took on an impossible task, and my hubris is going to kill her." Her voice was tense, shaky.

Crap. "Amelia…" Meredith whispered, standing up before she lost circulation.

"I'm not even halfway through, and I'm already stuck. If I can't get past this step-"

"Amelia, listen. You have it in your head that he was better than you. Derek stood exactly where you stood five years ago. He was terrified." This morning, Lexie called and asked for a huge favor. And then Edwards had come in and they removed the sharpie drawing of the spinal tumor over her bed. Lexie didn't want a picture, she wanted the physical thing. Meredith shook her head at the thought.

She remembered the night Derek came home, exhausted. He'd stared at that tumor for ten hours, and didn't even make a cut. But he kept trying, "You know the story. He did it. He found a way. And you will too."

"No, Meredith… I can't. I lied. I don't know what I'm doing. What am I doing?"

"You're saving a life." And not just Herman's. If Amelia didn't succeed here, she had no idea what would happen after. But it wouldn't be good. "Look, you can stop. Close up, take her off the anesthesia. But when she wakes up, you're going to have to tell her that you couldn't do it. That you failed. And then she'll die. And you'll die inside, because you'll know you failed. You don't have a choice, Amelia."

Meredith stared at her girls. In a way, she understood. She didn't have a choice when the universe dropped two girls into her open arms. And for a little while, she lost them both, and living with that pain was horrible. But now- "This is your plan," she said. "This is your surgery, your patient. You're on your own here," Meredith glanced around her home. She was on her own too. There was no Maggie or Alex, no Carolyn, April or Lexie. No Derek.

"No one can help you. But you don't need them to. Derek's not here, you are. So, what's next?"

xxx

A/N: More to come soon! And be sure to check out Gone Baby Gone!