Hey guys, oh my ... i am sorry i've posted nothing about a month ... but i dont want to bore you to death with details and excuses. So i will shup up and post a new chapter now. Have fun reading ;o) As always: R&R

Ps: Thanks to all the readers that are still following Ella to survive the apocalypse. And thanks to the messages and reviews, i ll improve my writing style :o)

Since we had returned from Woodbury the group had grown quiet. Rick once again removed himself from us. He was rarely talking to anyone, even Carl suffered from his dad's quietness. The whole group seemed to have lost its vibe. We were shattered. I sat on top of the watchtower, my feet dangling from the platform, thinking about how to go on. Thinking was hard when Phillip could attack any second. I looked through the spyglass of my shotgun, scanned the fences and the trees, but didn't see anything unusual, well … except dead people walking around.

"Hey Ella!" Glenn sat down next to me. "I was looking for you, didn't know you're on watch."

"I'm not. But better to sit up here and be prepared than hole up in that stinky prison." Up here I had some space. Inside the prison I felt packed like sardines in a can, but in the open I felt better. The fear of a closed and small room had crept back into my heart. I swallowed the emotions and my eyes wandered from the trees to Glenn. He still looked fucked-up, especially his face told the story of a fight.

We sat there in silence, listening to the moans and groans of the zombies below. The sounds had long ago become something normal like the sound of the wind in the trees. I still was afraid but got used to it and less scared. And at some point we had become careless. I grabbed my gun tighter, we shouldn't get careless when we were missing a member, a friend … My thoughts went back to Daryl …

As if he had read my thoughts, Glenn broke the silence. "You know, he saw you first." I froze in the moment. He still wasn't looking at me. "I thought you were some straying walker, but he immediately knew it was you. I just heard him calling your name and running straight at you." Why did he talk about it? Why stir up emotions that weren't useful at all?

I uncomfortably averted my eyes, not knowing what to say. Some part of me didn't believe him and some part was scared. I remained silent while thoughts chased thoughts. I felt Glenn getting nervous next to me, maybe he was afraid of my reaction.

"Funny … All the time I felt like he was looking at me like I am a worthless victim." I sighed. Maybe I never really knew what Daryl had been thinking. I realized how much I missed him. All the time I was just mad and angry that he was gone, but he it would have been my brother I would have done the same. Right? But there was no comment? I tried to hear into my very heart, but there was no sound of my brother's voice.

"But he's not." Glenn interrupted my thoughts. "Believe me, I know him quite a while." I sighed again. His words made their way from my head to my heart and hurt. Then he changed the subject, maybe he knew it was getting on my nerves to hear things that just hurt and angered me. "We'll defend this place." He still wasn't looking at me. His eyes scampered the fences. "When that bastard of governor will come, we'll be prepared." Sure I was on his side, but what did the others say? I would fight Phillip, I would never ever again turn and run. I would kill this man with my own hands if I had the chance to.

I looked back to the prison. Carol was already securing the walkway and Axel was helping too, by building a second wall. "What did Rick say?"

"He is not at his best. I'll keep this group safe for now." Glenn seemed to be kind of mad.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked curiously. He didn't come up here to tell me he was the first in command now.

"I know you are strong. When you and the others saved me and Maggie from Merle, you had been more than a helping hand." That man got humor. "Even you have just one hand, you're using it pretty good. A hell of a shooter." He now turned to me and smiled. "You are pretty strong for an invalid." He laughed.

I boxed his shoulder and joint his laughter awkwardly. "Asshole!"

He took his gun and stood up. "I want you to keep watch up here. You'll stay here until someone will replace you." The laughter was gone and he was all serious. It was a command, an order and I nodded. Maybe he would be a better leader than Rick. Time would tell.

He went down and back towards the prison. Carl waited for Glenn and they both disappeared into the yard. When I turned towards the woods again, I saw Rick at the graves. Maybe he was talking to Laurie, maybe he was praying. I would have felt sympathy, but I was mad at him. He held me back from going with Daryl. I turned my attention back to my current job: Taking watch.

After a few hours had passed, Maggie joined me. "How's it goin'?" A pang in my heart made my eyes wide. That sounded so much like Daryl. I was beyond being angry and mad at him, this man who had made me feel good in a world that had gone to shit and in the next moment he left.

"Nothing. No sign of the governor." I replied. She looked exhausted and there was baby's spittle on her shirt. She had grown more quiet than anyone else had. I didn't dare to ask her what Phillip might have done to her. She had avoided the topic ever since we had returned from Woodbury.

"Maggie, I …" I liked her so much and didn't want to hurt her feelings if I would ask. On the other hand I didn't want her to think that I didn't care.

"You're next to walk the fences. Glenn ordered me to tell you that!" Her voice was harsh. "Check if there are holes or something like that. Be careful."

"Maggie …" I tried, but she looked at me and shook her head. "Not now." She didn't want to talk and that was okay. If she needed her space I would be there when she needed closeness. And so I left. The way down was hard. My side, the wound Merle had added to the rest of the mosaic of scars on my body, hurt. Walking wasn't that easy.

When I stepped out into the yard, I saw Michonne straying around the cars. The last days I had observed her and thought about her staying with us. Rick had told us she had to leave. I wasn't his opinion, not only because I wasn't a fan of him right now, but she had helped us and was a tough fighter. We needed a fighter, now that Daryl was gone, someone to fight the army of the governor. I would have told him she had to stay, but I had stopped talking to Rick. Maybe he wasn't the one to blame, but I was pissed … I didn't care if he had done the right thing or if he'd just done what Daryl had asked him to do. I was no child, I could act on my own behalf.

My eyes followed Michonne's every move. Rick had said she was not a welcome guest, but again I thought different. And now that I was more than mad at him, I didn't even want to take orders from the Sheriff. I wandered over to her. "Hey." She wordlessly answered with a nod. We stood next to a tilted over car and I eyed her up when she leaned against it, looking in the other direction. How could I start a conversation?

"What's wrong with him?" She nodded over to Rick who was now behind the fences. What on earth was he doing outside the safe zone? My jaw dropped. "What the hell." I was about to walk over when I saw Hershel approaching him.

"How long have you been watching him?" I turned to Michonne. Did she just look at him instead of getting him inside? He was in danger, all out of his mind. She drew a brow at me, just like Daryl had always done. Ouch!

"I just saw him." When she spoke it was as if she was pressing the words through her teeth. She really was a terminator, I couldn't see any emotions on her face. I exhaled loudly. "Sorry." I told her for getting mad.

"Why did you come over?" Now she looked at me, leaning at the car arms crossed. Again she reminded me of Daryl. Why the hell did everybody behave a little like Daryl lately or did I imagine things?

"I was just curious." I said with a half-smile. "Have you ever had a sword with you?" I needed to distract me from the Daryl-thoughts, it hurt too much.

"Nope."

"You always answer short?"

Now she smiled at me. Well not a real smile but something like that. "Why aren't you avoiding me like your friends?"

"Should I?"

She studied me, looked me slowly up and down. "You look ok." She finally said.

"Well thanks." I paused. "Do you have any plans?" Her look told me she didn't understand my question. "I mean, do you wanna stay or go?" Seemed like she was thinking when I heard gun fire and a burning on my face. Michonne immediately took me down behind the car. I touched my cheek. A burning made me flinch and there was some blood on my finger.

"You okay?"

I nodded. "Just a scratch." More shots were heard. "What the …?" I looked to the gate where Phillip and his men stood, firing wildly at the prison. I looked over to Hershel and Rick, they were gone. I wanted to get up when I saw something moving in the grass, they seemed to be lying flat on the ground. "We have to help them." I looked to our cars which were too far away. Michonne grabbed my arm to hold me back from running, when the voice of Phillip arose. "Come out." The fire stopped.

I was about to stand up when Michonne pulled me back. I crashed into the car with my left side and it hurt. My eyes went wide. It hurt? I looked at my once-so-dead-arm. I had never been more happy to feel pain. I pinched myself and it hurt again.

"Are you crazy, he is going to kill you." Michonne spat at me. She was right. No matter what we would do, he would kill every single one of our group. After all he was Phillip, a psycho and a murderer. But it was worth a try, was it? "I wanna go …" But she interrupted me. "No! He will kill everyone. I know him, he is not going to stop until we are all dead meat."

Gunshots pierced through the yard again. I saw Axel going down, his dead body covering Carol. His blue clothes were immediately bloody red. "No …" Glass shattered. They bombed the watchtower. Had Maggie still been up there? Tears filled my eyes. "No …" I grabbed my gun and fired in Phillip's direction, but I didn't met my target.

I heard my friends firing back. It was war and it was all too much. I had lost Daryl, would I lose my friends now as well? Through a broken window of the car I watched Phillip, who called himself the governor, obsessed with power. He had a gun in his hand and a smile on his face, just like back then in the woods, when he had killed my friends. He was my nightmare, my anti-hero. I went on my knees. Since the voice of my brother had faded and Daryl had left, I felt more than alone. I felt nothing anymore. This wasn't worth living anymore. I already made a decision back in the woods … maybe now was the time. I looked at my gun. How hard could it be to kill myself? I checked the gun, there were three bullets left and there was no one around to talk me out of it. Michonne didn't count, she didn't know me at all and didn't owe me anything. Could I be that strong? I slowly lifted the gun … If I couldn't stop Phillip I could stop myself from worrying about it. It felt like a not-so-much happy ending. But it was my ending! I ended it, no one else did.

Michonne grabbed my gun. "Are you crazy?!" She hushed at me. Did she know what I was planning? Her mad eyes told me she did. "That's what he wants." He wanted me to kill myself? "That just shows how much power he has over other people." She took the gun from her back and fired at the enemies, just to hide again. They fired directly at our hideout.

I stood up and Phillips eyes were immediately on me. He smiled badly, mentioning for me to come over. I made a step in his direction when I heard Michonne behind me. "Don't!" The moment she pulled me down again, a bus drove through the gate with intense speed. It almost crashed into the car we were hiding behind. "What the hell …?" I took my gun and pointed at the bus. Silence! There were no shots, no sound at all, except the running engine. Suddenly the back of the bus opened and walkers came out of it. What a crazy way to attack.

Someone ran out of the bus and shot at me and Michonne. We shot back. While Michonne tried to kill this running freak I shot at the walkers. Again heavy fire arose. I watched Phillip who mounted the car and shot wildly into the air. What a crazy man. I swore to myself to kill him. If we won't be able to kill him today, I would sneak into Woodbury and kill him, slowly and painful. They drove off, leaving the walkers to do their job. "They are gone!" I whispered looking at the approaching zombies. Michonne stood up and grabbed me with her. She had her sword in her hand and killed the nearby walkers. I took my knife out of my shoe ready to defend myself. Michonne ran towards the fence were Hershel laid before. "Come one Ella!" But I stood there, facing the zombies streaming into our safe place. A car approached. "Glenn …" I watched him getting Hershel. Michonne who had ran towards the car, helped him … suddenly she was like a member of the group, helping us. Maybe that would turn Rick's opinion around. Glenn drove back to the prison's gate.

There were walkers all over the place. One female zombie went in front of me and tilted her head. She must have smelled me, because she suddenly changed her path and went directly at me. I smashed my knife into her head and she fell to the ground. Another zombie appeared. I looked to the prison, where the others stood behind the fences, safe. I smiled, Maggie stood there firing at the walkers. So she was alive. They were all alive! In the one moment I was careless, someone grabbed me. I didn't see the zombie coming from the left and didn't really fight back. Why didn't I feel like fighting back? I knew the answer: I felt left behind, again. They were all safe and sound while I was out in the field.

Suddenly someone shot the zombie and slammed me to the ground. Again my left arm hurt. What an irony, my body started to live up when I was going to die. Again I didn't fight back. "Ya suicidal or what?" I turned around to see Daryl holding me. My heart began to beat faster. "You're back?" He smiled slightly. Aware he was holding me, I pushed him away.

Merle was right behind him. "Get your ass to the prison or you'll rot in hell!" He laughed and winked at me. "Ya still got that sexy look, bad ass!" He ran for the prison. Daryl took my hand and ran after him, pulling me along. Rick was running with us, firing at the zombies we passed.

I was like in trance, the way from the yard to the safety behind the fence and into the prison was like a dream, all in slow motion. I saw the others, but didn't hear them speak. They were happy Daryl was back, I saw them smiling especially Carol. But on the other hand their faces went blank when they recognized he brought Merle along. I sat down on the ground and laid my back to the wall next to the door. My heart pounded heavily against my chest. Was it because of the risky deadly situation in the yard or because of Daryl's return? I watched Carol hugging him and then Maggie hugged him tight. I thought that was the first time she looked fine since we had returned, the first time she smiled again. Rick talked to Daryl like an old friend. Happiness filled the room but in the next moment Glenn punched Merle who went numb to my feet. I looked into Merle's pale face which looked pretty beaten up. Daryl argued with Glenn. They needed the fight to get things straight. I touched my left arm and couldn't stop smiling. I felt the touch of my hand on my skin. I took my knife out of my boot, put it in my left hand and it trembled. My hand held the knife for a few seconds before it fell to the ground with a clanging sound. Hershel came across the room with a sad smile.

I knew it wasn't time to be happy, not the time for a happy dance, but in this very moment I wished I had music to dance to. In the past, before the apocalypse, I had always danced when I had been happy.

"So you can feel your arm again?" He asked.

I looked up to him and nodded. "It's like my left arm is awakening from a too long sleep."

A low laugh escaped his lips. "Maybe the arm knows it is needed." He bend down and locked at it. He touched my hand and arm, I could feel his finger moving on my skin. "Your hand needs training!" I nodded. Now would come up big times to prove this arm's strength. "We'll get you some training lessons!" He smiled and turned back to the others who were still talking. I stood up to be part of the conversation too.

"We should rest now, regain some strength." Rick left without hearing the others out. Hershel turned to him. "Rick!" But he didn't stop.

Daryl made his way to me but I looked down. "How's ya hip?" His voice send goosebumps down my spine. I didn't know how to act. I looked down on his shoes, saw his legs and hands. I watched how his right hand slowly raised to touch my chin, to force me carefully to look into his eyes. "Ya look fucked up." A small smile appeared on his lips. What a nice way to say hello.

"You look worse." And hello to you too.

He let go off my chin and eyed my body. "So you're not dead." What did he want to tell me? That he had been right to order the others to take me to the prison?

"I'm fine." I smiled, turned and went to my cell. What an awful leaving, like a drama queen. What's wrong with me? Why do I behave like a school girl? He had been right … in the woods I wouldn't have survived that long and would have attracted Walkers too. I laid down on my bed and stared at the bed above me. He's right, right? I closed my eyes. But my brother didn't answer. I opened my eyes again in shock. Why was there no answer? I tried to hear into my body, but there was nothing. The whole time he had tortured my every thought with sarcastic comments, and now he was just gone? When did he stop talking to me? I couldn't remember the last time …

But the last time I had thought of Jess kissing me, he had been mad, so I tried it again. I shut my eyes and thought about the day I had gone hiking with Jess. I thought about the way he had held my hand and had pulled me into a hug. I saw it in front of my inner eye, how Jess had kissed me. How much I had enjoyed every second. Suddenly it wasn't Jess who was kissing me, it was Daryl. I was irritated. I opened eyes to see nothing. Why was there no response from my once so loud brother?